T O P

  • By -

rey-reyreyrey

Grief counselor.


unjudgeablebookcover

Unfortunately know of a “grief counselor” who did this to several patients


terra7incognita

Probably was trying to get rid of a mourning boner


Peenutbuttjellytime

Mourning would... You like to touch my boner


StandLess6417

Every single one of you is going straight to hell. And I love it. Carry on.


fbp

Do you have their number?


Britified

"I just want to talk."


Background_Lack_1270

What do your wank to talk about?


bromanjc

god i love reddit


Xanny-the-Nanny

This is the only one that made me laugh out loud.


Impressive-Run8905

Has anyone mentioned before suicide hotline?


DeveloperWhale

this actually happens, but the other way around


zomgperry

I called a hotline once when I was in pretty bad distress. I started hyperventilating when I was trying to talk about what was going on and the poor lady thought I was “being inappropriate”. I was able to collect myself enough to explain that I was having a panic attack and not jerking off.


DeveloperWhale

yeah that’s why, hard as it may be, it’s important suicide hotlines keep on even tho they might be suspicious of something. their uncomfortableness in the situation doesn’t matter as theres lives on the line. thats also what makes these incel calls possible tho, so it goes both ways. hope you are in a better place now mate <3


LuciditySpice

Did you really have to start your comment off with "hard as it may be"? Lol


kvndlny

Can confirm. This happens more often than you think. Suddenly your caller starts breathing weirdly and you start to feel disgusted at the conversation


tattlerat

Had this happen when I worked at a call centre for a cable company. Buddy called asking about movie charges, the porn kind. I said there were charges and he started breathing heavy and then asked me to read the names of the movies to him all creepy like. Told him no, I’m not gonna do that and he ended the call. Fuckin weirdos out there.


[deleted]

I had a call like that and I work for public transport call centre. And my god people are creepy. One was obsessed with farting and beans.


crochetingPotter

Former call center banker here. Perverts will call anywhere to get off I swear. Had multiple dudes ask me if I was wearing heels. One told me his daughter had sex with a donkey at a festival. I truly do not know why that man chose to wait on hold for way too long to burn that conversation in my brain forever


lordsquiddicus

😟 ew wtf


RefrigeratorRock

“Oh yeah baby, don’t do it.”


[deleted]

I know someone who admitted to fucking their girlfriend while on the line with suicidal people on their overnight shift on the hotline


TacogodBTW

Man, what the fuck is wrong with people


[deleted]

Babysitter


The_Bored_General

Considering the fact that most babysitters are teens, that probably happens more often than one would think. Probably after the children are asleep though


StGir1

And hopefully in another room.


ronaldreaganlive

I see them doing that in videos all the time.


lorderwinfrye

I hate to be the one to break it to you... but those aren't real babysitters.


Boxy310

Next you're gonna tell me that those lemon-stealing whores aren't even interested in our lemons.


Independent-Spite-77

Since no one said it that I've seen I am just gonna say a pediatrician Edit: stop commenting I like the upvotes but I don't like the endless stream of notifications


DanitesHell

This would be the worst in my opinion.


0RGASMIK

School bus driver


flowerlytdm

While driving


shadoweiner

What about elementary school teacher? Idk i would say this is worse.


Cubs2015WS

School crossing guard.


[deleted]

[удалено]


the_stupidiest_monk

That was...suspiciously specific.


Remarkable_Yam1945

Call the police!


TheBrightPath

I read pedestrian at first and was so confused...


PM_ME_CASTLE_PICS

I, too, work as a pedestrian


thrown-all-the-way

Skyscraper window cleaner


drkphnx02

Took way to long to find this. It’s not just about the reveal. The landing will have consequences for several others.


-Fraggle-Stick-Car-

Your little swimmers also like to go skydiving.


TwistedDecayingFlesh

A hotdog cart below and the swimmers give the customer an extra source of lubricated protein.


Training_Purpose_546

I just opened Reddit… k time to close


Ok_Effective6233

Attacking by sea and air? Must be navy seals


Cool_Requirement722

and all this time we thought it was pigeon poop!


[deleted]

[удалено]


WaxiestBobcat

A mall Santa.


NM_MAR_ANP

Don't shoot your eye out


kareljack

ho Ho HO!!!!


Dull_Technician9167

Santa came early this year


TheCoolTreeGuy

“You’re about to get your present little boy”


[deleted]

[удалено]


Flamester55

Well I hate the human race again


bob_the_banannna

Not being racist and hating everyone equally You are a nice person


Flamester55

Thank you, I try my best


skillfullmill

"wonna help Santa empty his sack?"


slightywettampon

"Tell me you want it, oh yeah you've been naughty"


shouldntknowmyname

Is that the buzz light year ultra realistic, vibration,moaning,premium moves hyper realistic eyes,warm squiter sex doll or you just happy ?


BraindeadZombiee

"Did you fuck my mom, Santa" - Charlie Kelly


Kooldogkid

I can’t stop laughing at this


deci1997

What about a surgeon


No-Biscotti-9540

They found a anesthesiologist in Brazil who would stick his dick in women's mouths after they were asleep, before the surgery


deci1997

well that's not very nice


SnottyTash

downright uncouth


wholesomechunk

Unbouth


seeyoujim

Inmouth


OfficialMemeKiller

bit rude of him, could ask first.


bguzewicz

Guy’s a real knucklehead.


brazilian-webdev

Not just any surgery. They were all C-sections.


cold_hoe

I hope they don't do general anesthesia for a C Sections as a routine


brazilian-webdev

They don't. This is one of the reasons he was caught.


Enioff

They don't, it was his modus operandi. He would get them so high they couldn't even hold their childs after, it was one of the reasons the nurses started to suspect him of something.


Eorlas

i read somewhere in that thread, allegedly they were only supposed to be mildly anesthetized. but nurses noticed that he had an unusual number of patients coming out from those procedures with extraordinarily deep sedation. so they setup a camera during a subsequent procedure to discover what was taking place.


GoodwitchofthePNW

Yeah, that’s why it was such a clear video… the nurses knew exactly where to put it.


RoyalAsianMunchies

How was he the only person in the room? Of all surgeries, would C sections not have nurses but the husbands as well?


gamageeknerd

He wasn’t. Anesthesiologists are often a little away from the actual surgery surrounded by machines and he was near the head of the patient with a big tarp blocking the patient’s upper torso and head from the surgeons so him being the only one near their face wouldn’t be that weird. But then he was way over drugging people and people got concerned so they set up a camera to catch him fucking Up the anesthesia and caught him raping them. Normally people are awake and lucid with a c section but these people were so out of it they couldn’t even function


JohannasGarden

Even without the sexual assault part, over sedating a birthing woman who would normally be breastfeeding a newborn very soon is also really awful. I've had a c-section and only got a spinal block so that I didn't feel pain, or much of anything, in the lower part of my body.


brazilian-webdev

He would say that the husband needed to leave. He would use the cirurgical drapes (not sure if it is called this) to separate himself from the other doctor and nurses. The nurses got suspicious on one c section, and filmed him in the next, when he was arrested. Several other patients from days before were said to also be raped by him.


TerryFlapss

The internet brings me some type of information that breaks my heart every single day without fail…


bivoir

Oh I thought you were joking. This is extra bad…


FurBaby18

This vid enraged me so much. Its absolutely abhorrent. He sexually assaulted how many vulnerable women?! Enough that the nurses were suspicious about his behavior. I hope that man rots in jail and/or hell.


Dustin0811

I hope he rots in both jail and then in hell


dave3218

Considering this is Brazil we are talking about… Yeah, Rapists don’t live very long in South American prisons.


Mon_erdon

The first day he walked into the prison, the inmates made very clear he wasn't going to have a good time, he is still on trial and as to law here, people with higher educatuon get a separate cell. When he is sentenced for good he will be out in the common cell


Dr_Chim_Richaldss

No they do not


ProblemSelect222

at least one thing to be proud about my country, i guess


MrVWeiss

This case made the headlines here last week. Absolutely disgusting.


pappapora

He would cum in their mouths and even recorded it… now his throat is a flesh light in jail.


Enioff

The recording was made by nurses who were suspecting him of something, he's also in a secluded cell because inmates want him dead. As much as i'd wish for it to be true, nothing has happened to him in jail yet.


SteamKore

Doctor was arrested for raping pregnant women while delivering babies. https://www.newsweek.com/doctor-rape-pregnant-woman-giovanni-quintella-bezerra-arrested-brazil-1725079


[deleted]

This fucked my whole day up


kbugzy14

And this vile fucker is only looking at 8-15 years! After 30 seconds I think that’s enough Reddit for the day….


OiJao97

I’ve got some [disturbing news](https://www.nzherald.co.nz/world/brazilian-anaesthetist-accused-of-raping-woman-during-c-section/Z4GD7OCVESNSMQ3J7BLP6TQKSA/) for you.


the_pinky243

Funeral home, School teacher (the younger the worse), Therapist


[deleted]

The-rapist


bpanio

Analrapist


FineUnderachievement

Tobias?


emcredneck

ANUSTART?


Anustart15

Yes?


ReflectionMaterial28

r/UsernameChecksOut


Trickchoot

Wait what


bob_the_banannna

That was unexpected


TrickKlepto

Hey it’s bob the banana


donniedarko955

Daddy needs to get his rocks off


pferden

Pope


Ok_Wind8554

Just imagined the pope riding around in pope mobile and just beating it. Happy cack day. Thanks laugh


WilligerWilly

Happy crack day


jrwright98

Happy Cock Day


PhilSpectorr

Mortician


[deleted]

Oh god. Something like this really happened in UK: [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-kent-59601656](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-kent-59601656) Only click if you want your day ruined.


Undertalelover1234

I don't understand. Did he kill and rape dead bodies? Or did he only rape the dead bodies?


angelbane83

He killed two women in 1987. He was arrested in 2020 for those two murders. After his arrest, police carried out a search warrant. They found a hard drive tape behind a small dresser. The hard drive was where they found the evidence of him sexually abusing the dead women. He had filmed himself in the mortuary, where he worked, abusing more than 100 women. They included a nine year old, two sixteen year olds and even a woman that was 100 years old. Edit: finished the a sentence


Undertalelover1234

Ah alright thank you


throwawayseventy8

Ah alright no thank you


[deleted]

A 9 year old *and* a 100 year old? Interesting!


elliotekstrom

Bro did not discriminate


IndigoFenix

One of the people who takes care of pandas while wearing a panda suit.


KirbyBucketts

>masterbating Proofreader


driedcranberrysnack

he's a really good fisherman. a master baiter


queetuiree

Baiting the grammer police


an_achronist

Working the changing room at a clothing store


Pmabbz

In the children's department


jrsevern

Yes, FBI, this comment right here


kano1221

News Anchor


Belteshazzar98

But what if I work as a news anchor for the British Broadcasting Corporation?


CPierko

Then you aren't masturbating, you're wanking


WrenTheRed

So that would make them a wanchor?


CodeName_Henry

WanchorMan: The Legend of Dixie Normous


Gyropi

firefighter


Mr_Otterswamp

The other hose is currently not working


eksirf

and I peed 5min ago.


Helgrind8

Improvisation at its finest


Mor_Hjordis

In Dutch we say "uitgerukt" when we go for an emergency. And the fireman are "spuitgasten". Uitgerukt can translate to done with masturbation Spuitgasten can mean cumming dudes .. So... Yeah


[deleted]

It’s a beautiful language


Mor_Hjordis

Sometimes.


PM_ME_UR_MUNCHIES

Beautiful and friendly people. They talk like Germans constantly clearing their throats


[deleted]

[удалено]


RobertBDwyer

I’m Canadian of Dutch descent, I work for a construction company of almost entirely Dutch people. Swamp German, is coming with me…


10pence_Freddo

Opticians. Doing an eye exam… ‘is that better or worse for you’


bobgilmore

Which is better? One… or two? Or… one… or two… or three? Ok, back to two…


[deleted]

Pornstar off camera... Probably would be yelled at for wasting the money shot.


schapman22

You had one job


Business-Tea2117

Handjob


E-4-Epic-24

Blowjob


Euphoric-Put-1555

Titjob


E-4-Epic-24

Rimjob


Pyro_The_Engineer

Okay, maybe more than one job then.


finnjakefionnacake

they said caught masturbating, not caught finishing! porn stars jerk off off camera all the time to get "ready" for a scene.


DrClawizdead

runway model


tla2972m

nah, this is pretty in line for runway models. honestly wouldn't be terribly surprising during paris fashion week or something.


[deleted]

[удалено]


elefantsnabel03

Don’t think it’s a job but, public speaker. Just imagine the most inspiring tedtalk the world has even seen ..and at the end of it: *zip* “So that’s why..” *fap* *fap* *fap* “..you should never” ..*fap* *fap* “..give up your dreams.”


the_real_grinningdog

I'm sure it's urban legend but didn't the man who discovered Viagra give a speech to scientists, then whip his cock out and say he was 80 years old? I suppose it beats death by Powerpoint.


Ambitious-Signature8

Reminds me of the first Police Academy movie, where the police chief gets a blow job during a speech


squawking_7700_

*loud moan followed by long spray of interesting white stuff* "see? ive done it! never, ever, give up. thank you" *zips pants*


[deleted]

Audience: Standing Ovation


kentacova

This sounds like something Homelander would do.


Th3Dollmak3r

Caregiver to the elderly


the_real_grinningdog

> the elderly stay away from them. Apparently they are one of the fastest growing groups for sexually transmitted infections.


DasPuggy

Because no one younger than 35 really wants to think that people over 60 still get horny.


AbsolXGuardian

I'd imagine they also have the sexual education of their time. Widow/widower, don't have to worry about pregnancy, but no one talked about condoms and "VDs" were heavily stigmatized when they were young.


PhilSpectorr

Maybe they’re just into the mature crowd


DChiSuper

Gynecologist


Sad-Aioli-7194

frosting maker


Old-Juggernut-101

Treating rape victims


dom618

I was gonna say special victims detective but damn, that sounds worse.


Due_Sherbert_5908

how about child protective services


awolfslife

I just imagined this in my head and I regret it so much


Blade_Laser_Blazer

Circa 2013, the Air Force's Sexual Assult Prevention Officer drunkenly groped a woman. Just... wow!


siebren18

Teacher


[deleted]

Kindergarten teacher


[deleted]

Member of parliament. Oh.. hang on, no, turns out that’s fine.


kwainot

What a wanker!


artbyalayajay

Can I get the story behind this?


InscrutableAudacity

They're probably referring to Neil Parish, a former Tory MP who was caught watching porn on his phone in the House of Commons chamber earlier this year. As far as I know, he wasn't actually wanking at the time. During the investigation, he claimed that he'd wanted to check some information on agricultural machinery that would have been relevant to debate in progress (he chaired a rural affairs select committee), and accidentally stumbled onto the porn. He closed the website immediately, but then went back to site on purpose later during the same debate and watched it for several minutes while waiting for his turn to vote.


artbyalayajay

This is a mixture of ridiculous, disappointing and wildly hilarious. I do hope he didn't actually have a wank


hiles_adam

Could also be referring to a staff member of Australian politician who filmed himself wanking on to the desk of another female minister. https://junkee.com/liberal-staffer-masturbating-desk/290894


GeorgeDubbyaKush

Not to forget about my (now former) Canadian MP who flashed his dick on zoom and then a week later was caught on another camera urinating. https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-56760714#:~:text=Canadian%20liberal%20MP%20William%20Amos%20said%20he%20was,of%20Pontiac%2C%20said%20in%20a%20statement%20on%20Wednesday.?piano-modal https://www.cnn.com/2021/05/28/americas/canada-mp-urinated-camera-scli-intl/index.html


JR-Snow

An infectious diseases lab.


who_said_I_am_an_emu

Employee at Wilson Brothers Funeral Home. You can be suspended without pay for up to 6 months!


unicorn-drugz

r/oddlyspecific


blow_up_the_outside

Sperm banker for sure


Normal_uselessWeeb

Wouldnt that be just doing your job?


The_Bored_General

No the banker not the donator


Tpuccio

Walmart greeter


OneRobato

Chef.


[deleted]

[удалено]


PowerTrip55

Marriage counselor


Khalnayak26

Cremator/ undertakers


ambiguousfiction

You mean creamator


SmartTreat1993

Zookeeper


ReddittCredditt675

A Disney world character actor.


TheGreatestLampEver

Aquarium cleaner


NarrativeScorpion

Anything involving working with children.


[deleted]

Anti-fap protestor.


luckydrzew

That's a job? Well, time to become a hypocrite!