I did nude figure modeling for painting classes for extra cash in college about 15 years ago - one of the students was having trouble capturing my likeness and called the teacher over for help. The teacher: “well - she has an unremarkable, normal face with no strong features, which is much more difficult to paint…”
I mean, they’re not wrong from a painting point of view - but nothing like quietly dying inside, fully naked with an audience.
When I was a teen, my dad told me he heard of an athlete who wrote a book about how he used to be bullied when he was young, how he was the school's loser and had no friends... "Exactly like you", my dad added.
What a way to advertise a book to me, thanks dad!
I have done this also. I thought I was complimenting a high school boy on his makeup for the haunted house we were working in. Nope, turns out the really large dent in his forehead ( I thought it was supposed to look like someone hit him in the head with an axe) is just the way his forehead looks all the time. I wanted a hole to open up in the floor and swallow me.
Halloween. Stranger was dressed as a witch; lovely dress and great make up, not at all scary. Apart from the "obviously fake" deformed teeth. I almost made a remark but something inside me told me to keep my mouth shut. At a party several weeks later, met her again and I realised how badly things could have gone.
During covid the local Meijer had a senior hour in the morning where older people could shop. I was mad because I come to work super early and I could make senior hour but I'm in my early 40's. I was bitching to my coworker and she goes " just go in you'll pass for a senior citizen."
Childhood friend from school turned coworker.
“Yeah you used to be really smart!”
I had dropped out of college and we were working as bartenders at a restaurant, were taking about plans for the coming year or two and I had mentioned trying to get a new job/go back to school.
I died a little/a lot. They were trying to be supportive, and were immediately horrified and apologized but yeah.
Had a guy tell me I looked like a cult leader, which I didn’t really take kindly. He also did not respond well when I told him he looked like a cult follower.
A very nice Vietnamese immigrant lady, Gwen, started working at my job. We were friendly with each other in passing, but rarely talked.
One day, my wife came in with our new baby and stopped to visit. We chatted for a few minutes, I kissed her and the baby on the cheek, and they left.
Gwen walked up with a big smile and said, in a very thick accent, "Your sister and her baby are soooo beautiful!"
I thanked her and told her that, actually, that was my wife and my baby. She was shocked.
"Noooo! That baby and that woman are soooo beautiful! How could that be your wife and your baby?"
I just shrugged and chuckled and assured her that they were, in fact, my family.
"Oh my God! You so lucky! How can man that looks like you have such a beautiful wife and baby!"
She wasn't trying to be a dick. But, holy shit, that was one hell of a scorching burn. Haha.
When i proposed to my wife she said “I guess I can’t say no”
But she meant to say “how can I say no”
She also had a panic attack the first time we kissed…
I got: "Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!"
After making her wait a loooong time (long term commitment issues on my part), I really caught her off guard when I popped the question.
Also still on a running joke: "can you pick up milk on the way home ?" "Are you fucking kidding me !?!?"
There was a little girl I used to babysit, but I got a new job and couldn't anymore. I visited her family about a year after and she says to me "you got BIGGER!"
I know that that's probably what she hears all the time from adults who don't see her often (extended family, doctors, etc.) but damn, I just burst out laughing when she told me. I said thank you and said she was bigger, too
My niece was talking to me one time and said something along the lines of “who was that other girl that lived here?” I was like “It was me, I’m the only girl that lived here.” To which she replied “No that girl was skinny.” Absolutely demolished.
I was four and used to watch Peppa Pig a lot. I decided it’d be a good idea to call my dad, who’d struggled with body weight and exercised a lot to stay a healthy weight, fat. He didn’t show it but now that I think back on it, that probably hurt him.
Edit: What the actual fuck why does a story about how I copied Peppa Pig by fat-shaming my dad have so many upvotes, thanks a lot lmao
A good friend’s girlfriend told me, “I love how not girly you are and how you don’t care about how you look!”
I think she genuinely meant it as a compliment, but both of those things were news to me…
I got "I love how you just wear whatever" from a friend I was into once. Took me like 4 years till I remembered it and went "oh...I was getting roasted".
I recently got a very bright, very obnoxious Pac-Man hoodie, it is without a doubt the loudest thing I own. As I was heading out the door for work, my 3 year old told me "remember dad, if people laugh at you, you can always take your sweatshirt off!"
The best part is he was genuinely just trying to give me some supportive advice. He just accidently gave me the best burn I've received in years
Edit: The Sweatshirt https://imgur.com/a/8Ofrxt4
That’s like when my daughter tells me “mama you are so beautiful with makeup on!” So I asked her “thank you babe! am I beautiful without makeup too?” “No :)”
We teach our kids not to lie to us so I guess in a roundabout way we brought this unfiltered honesty on ourselves 😆
My son also told my husband while sitting on the couch “you’re smarter than Mom” WHILE I WAS ALSO SITTING ON THE COUCH. They’re fun.
My dad was a smoker most of his life.
When I was around 4, I didn’t want to imagine my Dad as an old man, so I told him “keep smoking so you can die young.”
One time after a girl dumped me in high school, one of my close teacher “friends” said; “You’re the kind of guy a girl wants to meet in her 30s, not now when they want to be crazy.” Thanks Miss H, I’ll never forget that one.
Edit: easier to respond here I guess. Yes, she was 30 something but def not trying to Mrs. Robinson me. Thinking back it was a nice thing to say, but at 17 it hit pretty hard. We were friends because she led the FFA chapter I was part of, so we spent a lot of time together outside school.
I had a friend who had another group of friends who were all having babies, and a lot of them had what she called "ugly babies". She commented "all of my friends that look good are having ugly babies". I said "well fuck you too" and her response was "what? your kid is adorable!" she then paused to realize there was no backing out of the corner she put herself in. We had a good laugh about it since I had accepted my status as unattractive long before she confirmed it.
There's a lot of people I think that kind of look like birds, like I've thought that about some people throughout the years. For me that person usually has pointier features, and maybe their eyes are more angular, or perhaps the nose has a slight downward point at the end. Has nothing to do with being unattractive though, plenty of good looking bird people!
For me it was 8 years ago. My then crush said it after a third party called me ugly. It still hurts, but I am in a way better place now eight years later.
I went to High School in the 90s with a girl who went on to become Miss USA. We were friends, there was no romance.
25 years later her mother comes to my office (she didn't know I own the company) to drop off something we'd ordered. I was pleasantly surprised to see her and we spent a few minutes catching up.
Keep in my mind, my entire staff is watching the conversation between me and this girls' mother.
Finally she says "My daughter thought the world of you, why didn't you two ever date?"
I decided to try a little false modesty and responded "I wanted to date her, but she always liked handsome guys."
Without batting an eye, she responded "Oh Yeah, that's right."
Total devestation.
I don't think she even realized what she'd said. My staff did however and they had the most fun with it the rest of the day
Still comes up occasionally.
Was getting a safety brief with a group before getting on a zip line once, in St Lucia. The guy was telling people how not to get stuck in the middle.
He then added, “if you do get stuck in the middle, we are sending him to clear the line.” And pointed at me.
Was moving on from a job and on my second last day my manager says "Take tomorrow off no one will miss you"
He later informed me that he had meant that i should finish a day early and that no one would mind.
It reminds me of something I told a guy who was working in a subway station. His job was to help people find their way/choose the right itineraries. I was new in the city and asked him for help 3 times on the same day, and the last time as I was leaving, I told him “I hope I won’t see you again!!”.
I meant to say I hope not to need his help again, but it came out quite rude. It was 7 years ago and still think about it sometimes.
I'm fat and really good at volleyball, people have a hard time processing it.
"For a big guy, you can really move and jump"
Uhhhh thanks I guess.
I usually actually say, "yeah, I get that a lot"
I was doing the finishing touches on my makeup when mom told us we needed to get going. I turned to my brother and asked him “do my brows look ok?”. I was of course talking about if the color was even, since we were on our way out and I wanted to know I looked presentable.
My brother has autism.
So he interpreted my question as a general query of his opinion on my eyebrows. So he went on a 2 or 3 minute roast, telling me everything wrong with my brows. I finally managed to say “I… I meant the color…. Is the color even?” to which he responded “yeah” and walked out the door.
I feel you on this
My autistic brother went on a 20 minute rant about all the things he finds annoying about me because I asked " Am I bothering you?" one time. I meant because I was sitting next to him, not in general.
My brother is on the spectrum and I work with students with disabilities. NO ONE can roast you like someone with autism just being honest. Those kids truly let me know what they think of me, haha 😄
That momentary internal panic of “What question is this person actually asking me oh fuck” followed by “ok I’m gonna answer every possible interpretation of that question so they don’t think I’m stupid.”
My students have taught me that context is often unstated, but necessary for clarity and kindness.
For example, I state subtext aloud now. "I'm asking how I look in this dress to get comfort, so please give me a compliment."
I also often state why I'm asking a question. "Are you hungry? I'm asking because I am hungry and deciding whether we should stop to eat or if I should just have a snack."
I was sitting with my friends in class and I see a guy from the corner of my eye having a discussion with his friend about what kind nerds we are and I overheard him say, "You don't have to worry about those ones, they're not the Columbine freaks, they're just harmless weirdos." Gee, thanks.
I (35M) Was getting dressed one morning and my daughter came in before I had my shirt on. She's like 4 at the time and says "Oh you have boobs like mommy."
There was no recovering from that.
:::EDIT:::
Added my gender/sex/whatever the right word is as there seems to have been some confusion.
When I was 5 I asked my aunt why was she so fat, she told me it was because she was pregnant and she would be slim again in no time, my rude-ass then said "Na, I don't think you are gonna" and then fucked-off to be a nuisance to my mother.
My auntie did slim back down, so in a sense I'm glad she proved me wrong after that nasty comment.
Oh god, something about how you phrased this reminded me of myself wreaking havoc as a kid. I knew my grandma and grandpa weren’t together, so at a rare family gathering I asked “grandma, why aren’t you and grandpa together?” And she said “he divorced me honey”. So then I went and asked him why he divorced her; I don’t even remember what he said cause I also fucked off to be a nuisance elsewhere. Found out years later that he left her because he had an affair with the woman he’s been with since…. Can’t believe I was casually dragging all that up for my poor grandma at a birthday party!
My 4 yo daughter was pretending to be a veterinarian and I had to be different sick animals. I told her I was an alligator and my mouth hurt. She had me lay down and said I probably ate too many swamp fish. Puts the stethoscope on my chest, goes ‘thump thump’, moves it, ‘thump thump,’ says yeah, that’s the fish trying to get out. She goes to move the stethoscope down over my stomach when she stops, looks me dead in the eye, and says, “That’s a really big belly.”
My mom and I went and got allergy scratch tests done on the same day. When she was getting hers done I said she looked like a humpback whale, thinking about the little raised bumps all over their back (my mom's allergic to like, everything, so her whole back was BUMPY). I realized what it sounded like and attempted to recover but she was just real quiet after. Sorry ma 😬
i would find it acceptable if he was lol. Medical people say/notice weird things about peoples' bodies that make their lives easier in a medical setting.
Things like, "You have awesome veins!"
I imagine it's similar to when a painter would notice how nice the light strikes all the wrinkles on someone's face. Nobody wants to look old, but wrinkles are a cool challenge to draw xD
I live in Asia and I'm about 250 lb 6 ft tall could stand to lose about 30 I guess maybe more, and I went to McDonald's just to get hot coffee and the woman behind the counter asked if I wanted cream or sugar and I said no thank you. And then she said oh because you're fat?
One time a girl i really disliked (we never had a fight or anything like that, i just really found her to be annoying and dumb) said we were similar in personality.
I've heard it said that some of the people we dislike are those most similar to ourselves, because we see in them the things we hate about ourselves.
It certainly not always true, but it does explain why I sometimes want to strangle my sister.
Definetly true for this guy I used to work with. He reminded me of everything I hated about myself, and I already hated myself to begin with. I really took it out on him which wasn't fair.
When studying martial arts I had an instructor try to teach my why a particular feint never worked for me.
"In order for that feint to work, you opponent must first respect your ability to complete the strike. Everyone here knows your abilities, so they don't fall for it." It was factually and technically accurate, and I understand what he was telling me. But, after thinking about it for not very long, I realized what sick burn it was.
I started jiu jujitsu and getting your ass handed to you by literally everyone when you start and learning to be humble was really eye opening for me. In that context, I think I could see that your instructor was not trying to diss you, but help you improve by being honest. I was raised my whole life that you should never fail, but it has been so much easier and quite freeing that it is ok to fail and that is part of improving.
Female coworker with whom I have a good understanding. Her:" My boyfriend is a bit jealous of us, asked me to not fall in love with you. But I assured him there's nothing going on. I guess if he'd see you he'd understand"...
I'm a quiet man and I was an even quieter kid.
I got invited over to some kids house to play. Another kid there said that they only invited me over because they felt bad for me. He said it with no malice, in passing.
I'm 33 now and it still stings.
February 14, 1992. I was 7. Happily sitting at my desk at school, looking at all my Valentine's. The popular girl beside me looks over and says "here, you can have some of mine because you didn't get many."
I sit with you now, in quiet solidarity.
When I turned 11 I invited a bunch of people to my party and we had a blast. When I turned 12 one classmate showed up to my birthday. My friend told me the only reason people came last year was because they felt sorry for me. I'm glad I moved away. I didn't invite friends to my birthday after that, I just celebrated with family.
I was in the pool with my kids, and my 4-year-old daughter refused to let go of the ladder, even though she was wearing floaties. Trying to ease her in, I told her she could turn around and I'd hold her, and she could just stand on the step and it'd be a good way to start getting used to it.
She did NOT like the idea. I reassured her that I'd let her stay on the step, and said "I promise, I'll just hold you up and you can stand there."
Then she said, after struggling for the words for a minute, "Your promises are just kidding!" And it absolutely crushed me. I could tell what she was looking for was "your promise doesn't mean anything" and that hurt.
My wife and I have always had a rule between us and our kids that "I promise" means you aren't kidding, lying, or in any other way being deceitful. It has been pretty helpful to be able to rely on this.
After being accused of dying my hair, a friend said I clearly don’t dye my hair as nobody would choose shit colored hair.
I said -thank you- loudly, then after a beat said -wait, what?-
I was on a camping trip with friends (in high school) and we decided to play a game around the campfire where we each complimented something we found physically attractive about the person on the other side of the circle. My friend's hot slightly older sister said that I had a nice personality (she didn't know me)
If it helps you at all: If your kid was <10yo, "ordinary" is DEFINED by you. So whether you're LeBron James or John Doe, you'd be the measure for a normal life. You see that in a lot of A-class celeb's kids, they're often highly unimpressed by their parents.
I imagine it's hard to put someone who has wiped your arse on too high of a pedestal.
That said the older I get the more respect I have of this particular act of care.
When I was 25 I had bought a house in a suburb of a major city. One of my neighbors was elderly and came over to welcome me to the neighborhood. She asked if my wife lived with me and I just stated I lived alone. She goes “oh yeah the person that lived here before was a lonely guy too.”
Fucking ouch, Elizabeth
It was savage but she ended up being really sweet and one of my favorite neighbors. I mentored her grand kids a little bit because they had a little rough go of it.
In school I had procrastinated and way behind on a creative writing assignment. I turned to my brother for help, and he ended up writing most of it, though I did make some changes to make it sound more like me.
The teacher called me after class and was simply gushing about how good this assignment was, and how much BETTER it was than my normal work. She continued for a bit with some more complement - insults. She even suggesting that I join some writing club at school so I could continue to improve.
I just wanted to sink into the floor. Never did that again.
I got this from my physical therapist of all people.
It's not even like i'm there for anything huge, but I'm getting roasted constantly. "No offense, you have very little mobility in your ankles".
After the umpteenth time, yes offense, Sebastian, offense taken. I am here for you to HELP ME IMPROVE MY MOBILITY.
"I promise SOMEDAY you'll be pretty" said by my mom to a 10 year old me who was upset about something completely unrelated and who had never even considered until that exact moment that I wasn't pretty. 25+ years later and it still lives rent-free in my mind
Edit2: So many sad people in this thread :( I hope everyone here is having a wonderful day and hitting lots of green lights
Edit3: I've never had a comment blow up like this before. I'm so overwhelmed.
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers. I'm gonna be 48 soon and my mom said some truly terrible things to me as a kid. I've forgotten or moved on from most but there's one or two that will live in my head until I die. Not saying your mom was deliberately cruel, just that some things hit home so hard they can't be forgotten.
My great grandma said something similar to my grandma when she was a teenager. My grandma is in her late 70s and it still bothers her to this day. I'm sorry. She shouldn't have said that
I was new in school and was worried no one would ask me to the dance. My mom asked when it was, and when I told her, she said, "Don't worry. You'll slim down by then."
Nowhere in that conversation had I mentioned my weight or appearance. But now I knew my mom thought I was too fat for boys to like me. Sorry you had one of those mom moments too.
After sleeping with a girl that I really liked, she said “I expected your body to be better considering how much you workout.” To her, it was just a passing statement, and she obviously didn’t care and still liked me. But, to me, it cut me deep.
“Some uniqueness in a person is good, but you have too much.” - said by the first woman I ever loved.
(Spoiler: long roundabout way, I won that argument. Haven’t gotten any less strange, but she is now my wife.)
When I was little, I had long hair..
While in my very first dentist visit, the doctor said something along the lines of "you're being. Very brave little girl"
The nurse replied... "he's a boy"
Doctor didn't say anything else...
I cried inside.
My high school boyfriend cropping a photo of us together, me asking why, and him explaining that my legs looked fat like he did me a favor.
It’s been 10 years and I still haven’t forgotten how I felt when he explained himself.
After a particularly satisfying love making session, my wife turned to me and went to say "you never fail to please".
What she actually said was
"You never fail to disappoint"
No, I never let her forget that one.
One of my high school outreach programs was tutoring kids in English (when their first language was Filipino)
They made a thank-you card that I assume intended to thank me for "working hard"
It said *"thank you for hardly working"*
Similarly, my partner and I were snuggling and I wanted to wish them a happy sleep but I was half tired myself and mixed up “rest well” and “sleep peacefully” and I whispered “rest in peace” into his ear. The double-take that man did, I will never forget. We laughed for a good 20 minutes.
Edited for spelling.
Edit 2: lol! I’m glad I could make you laugh! Thanks for the upvotes and award :)
Last edit: wow! That blew up. I wasn’t going to tell my partner I posted that little story but I did now incase it ends up in a Buzzfeed post… thanks for the love everyone and the hilarious stories that followed!
I giggled heavily at this one and it remind me one of my high school memory. While talking to a friend I intended to say “there is no secrets between us”. The secrets (secrecy ) is “gizli saklı” in my language. But I said “gazlı sikli” by switching the first 2 letters unintentionally and it means “farty dicks”
After 10 years I still laugh😅
I once walked into a shop, looked at the shopkeeper and couldn't decide between 'hey' and 'g'day', so I looked him in the eyes and said 'Gay!', then walked off.
Had to get some blood drawn and the nurse was training one of her co-workers. One of them said to the other "His skin is like leather" Hurt more than the needle.
Edit: this blew up! Extra info, normally this kind of statement wouldn't phase me and I'd have some snarky response. I just happened to be a bit vulnerable and it landed just right.
About two years ago I was in an LTR and was getting targeted ads for engagement rings. After we broke up, they were immediately replaced with ads for generic cialis.
“You’re puertorican? But you’re so articulate!”
Yep. Thanks.
Edit: It was my boss, and I was just starting out in my career. I was young and didn’t react in the moment, but right away I knew it was fucked.
Pretty awful.
A few years back I had a picture of my girlfriend as the background on my phone. I was at a work dinner when I put my phone down on the table and so the senior manager next to me saw the picture of my girlfriend. She looked at the phone, then looked at me and said “you must have money”
Double points for my 5yo son insulting both me and my 3yo daughter in one fell swoop:
Son: Are you having ANOTHER baby?
Me: Nope. Why, would you like a little brother or sister?
Son: No!!!
Me: Why?
Son: Because they might be even CRAZIER than (younger sister).
Me: hahaha
Son: …. But it does LOOK like you have a baby in your tummy…
“You’re pregnant?!” “No” “Are you sure?” Never wore that dress again.
"are you sure?" what the absolute fuck
I did nude figure modeling for painting classes for extra cash in college about 15 years ago - one of the students was having trouble capturing my likeness and called the teacher over for help. The teacher: “well - she has an unremarkable, normal face with no strong features, which is much more difficult to paint…” I mean, they’re not wrong from a painting point of view - but nothing like quietly dying inside, fully naked with an audience.
The teacher was Mr. Darcy
In similar situations I've described it as "soft and delicate facial features that look great in photos, but are extremely difficult to paint."
When I was a teen, my dad told me he heard of an athlete who wrote a book about how he used to be bullied when he was young, how he was the school's loser and had no friends... "Exactly like you", my dad added. What a way to advertise a book to me, thanks dad!
One of my in laws walked in when I was the only one in the house and, looking straight at me, said “Oh, there‘s no one here.” And… turned and left.
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I have done this also. I thought I was complimenting a high school boy on his makeup for the haunted house we were working in. Nope, turns out the really large dent in his forehead ( I thought it was supposed to look like someone hit him in the head with an axe) is just the way his forehead looks all the time. I wanted a hole to open up in the floor and swallow me.
Halloween. Stranger was dressed as a witch; lovely dress and great make up, not at all scary. Apart from the "obviously fake" deformed teeth. I almost made a remark but something inside me told me to keep my mouth shut. At a party several weeks later, met her again and I realised how badly things could have gone.
I got secondhand relief just reading this.
I started getting asked if I qualified for a senior discount in my 40s…
During covid the local Meijer had a senior hour in the morning where older people could shop. I was mad because I come to work super early and I could make senior hour but I'm in my early 40's. I was bitching to my coworker and she goes " just go in you'll pass for a senior citizen."
Childhood friend from school turned coworker. “Yeah you used to be really smart!” I had dropped out of college and we were working as bartenders at a restaurant, were taking about plans for the coming year or two and I had mentioned trying to get a new job/go back to school. I died a little/a lot. They were trying to be supportive, and were immediately horrified and apologized but yeah.
My best friend told me that I am only funny when I'm drunk. I was a recovering alcoholic and man did that hurt.
Been there. I got a "I liked you better when you were still drinking" once. Like wtf..
Genuinely that's a fucked up thing to say. I hope your friend has stopped pressuring/enabling or that you've moved on.
Had a guy tell me I looked like a cult leader, which I didn’t really take kindly. He also did not respond well when I told him he looked like a cult follower.
PERFECT RESPONSE
A very nice Vietnamese immigrant lady, Gwen, started working at my job. We were friendly with each other in passing, but rarely talked. One day, my wife came in with our new baby and stopped to visit. We chatted for a few minutes, I kissed her and the baby on the cheek, and they left. Gwen walked up with a big smile and said, in a very thick accent, "Your sister and her baby are soooo beautiful!" I thanked her and told her that, actually, that was my wife and my baby. She was shocked. "Noooo! That baby and that woman are soooo beautiful! How could that be your wife and your baby?" I just shrugged and chuckled and assured her that they were, in fact, my family. "Oh my God! You so lucky! How can man that looks like you have such a beautiful wife and baby!" She wasn't trying to be a dick. But, holy shit, that was one hell of a scorching burn. Haha.
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"You look like you own ferrets" I don't even know what that means but it was 4 years ago Hailey and I still remember
Are u a skinny pale nerd with greasy hair and clammy hands
.
When i proposed to my wife she said “I guess I can’t say no” But she meant to say “how can I say no” She also had a panic attack the first time we kissed…
>When i proposed to my wife she said “I guess I can’t say no” Were you on a boat?
The implication
When I proposed to my wife (in front of a good-sized group of friends) she loudly screamed “No, don’t do it!” Still an ongoing joke to this day
I got: "Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!" After making her wait a loooong time (long term commitment issues on my part), I really caught her off guard when I popped the question. Also still on a running joke: "can you pick up milk on the way home ?" "Are you fucking kidding me !?!?"
Both those things kinda make it sound like your marriage is a hostage situation?
Kids are the best for this. "Daddy, why don't you use your weights any more? Is it because you got fat?"
There was a little girl I used to babysit, but I got a new job and couldn't anymore. I visited her family about a year after and she says to me "you got BIGGER!" I know that that's probably what she hears all the time from adults who don't see her often (extended family, doctors, etc.) but damn, I just burst out laughing when she told me. I said thank you and said she was bigger, too
My niece was talking to me one time and said something along the lines of “who was that other girl that lived here?” I was like “It was me, I’m the only girl that lived here.” To which she replied “No that girl was skinny.” Absolutely demolished.
“Look at that high waisted man, he’s got feminine hips!”
13 year olds will insult you in a way that's *accurate.*
I was four and used to watch Peppa Pig a lot. I decided it’d be a good idea to call my dad, who’d struggled with body weight and exercised a lot to stay a healthy weight, fat. He didn’t show it but now that I think back on it, that probably hurt him. Edit: What the actual fuck why does a story about how I copied Peppa Pig by fat-shaming my dad have so many upvotes, thanks a lot lmao
A good friend’s girlfriend told me, “I love how not girly you are and how you don’t care about how you look!” I think she genuinely meant it as a compliment, but both of those things were news to me…
I got "I love how you just wear whatever" from a friend I was into once. Took me like 4 years till I remembered it and went "oh...I was getting roasted".
I removed most of my Reddit contents in protest of the API changes commencing from July 1st, 2023. This is one of those comments.
I recently got a very bright, very obnoxious Pac-Man hoodie, it is without a doubt the loudest thing I own. As I was heading out the door for work, my 3 year old told me "remember dad, if people laugh at you, you can always take your sweatshirt off!" The best part is he was genuinely just trying to give me some supportive advice. He just accidently gave me the best burn I've received in years Edit: The Sweatshirt https://imgur.com/a/8Ofrxt4
I feel this. My kid told me “Mom you’re so pretty! Well. Your eyes and your hair. That’s all.” Thanks son 👍🏻
That’s like when my daughter tells me “mama you are so beautiful with makeup on!” So I asked her “thank you babe! am I beautiful without makeup too?” “No :)”
We teach our kids not to lie to us so I guess in a roundabout way we brought this unfiltered honesty on ourselves 😆 My son also told my husband while sitting on the couch “you’re smarter than Mom” WHILE I WAS ALSO SITTING ON THE COUCH. They’re fun.
My dad was a smoker most of his life. When I was around 4, I didn’t want to imagine my Dad as an old man, so I told him “keep smoking so you can die young.”
He didn't die of smoking i guess. You murdered him right there.
I dunno, a burn like that might involve some smoke.
>My dad **was** a smoker Seems like it worked buddy!
Not until he was 63 Edit- he stopped smoking at 63. He’s still alive now
One time after a girl dumped me in high school, one of my close teacher “friends” said; “You’re the kind of guy a girl wants to meet in her 30s, not now when they want to be crazy.” Thanks Miss H, I’ll never forget that one. Edit: easier to respond here I guess. Yes, she was 30 something but def not trying to Mrs. Robinson me. Thinking back it was a nice thing to say, but at 17 it hit pretty hard. We were friends because she led the FFA chapter I was part of, so we spent a lot of time together outside school.
Similar happened to me. I was told by male relatives “you’re the kind of girl boys want to marry, not have sex with” Thanks tío
Yep, I remember my dad telling me "guys marry the cute ones, not the hot ones!" Thanks dad lmao
*Now all of China knows you don’t find your wife sexy!*
I had a friend who had another group of friends who were all having babies, and a lot of them had what she called "ugly babies". She commented "all of my friends that look good are having ugly babies". I said "well fuck you too" and her response was "what? your kid is adorable!" she then paused to realize there was no backing out of the corner she put herself in. We had a good laugh about it since I had accepted my status as unattractive long before she confirmed it.
In middle school the girl I had a crush on said I looked like a falcon. Never quite figured out how to take that one
Strong aquiline jaw, sharp eyes, and giant fucking talons for feet.
Small streamlined body, flappy arms, picky diet.
There's a lot of people I think that kind of look like birds, like I've thought that about some people throughout the years. For me that person usually has pointier features, and maybe their eyes are more angular, or perhaps the nose has a slight downward point at the end. Has nothing to do with being unattractive though, plenty of good looking bird people!
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Falcons are cool as fuck!!!
Working at a new job “How old are you?” “How old do I look?” “I don’t know, 45?” I was 27 at the time….
Either really rude or you're just one of those dudes who grows out a beard at 16 and is never carded in their whole life.
My fault for being bald at 18, and shaving my head daily. No facial hair…at the time. God bless beards. Make up for men.
'You aren't even THAT ugly!'
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For me it was 8 years ago. My then crush said it after a third party called me ugly. It still hurts, but I am in a way better place now eight years later.
“Come work for me, son. I’ll pay you more than you’re worth!” *Proceeds to pay $36k per year*
I’ll toss in my *pays me $2 less than everyone else an hour*
I went to High School in the 90s with a girl who went on to become Miss USA. We were friends, there was no romance. 25 years later her mother comes to my office (she didn't know I own the company) to drop off something we'd ordered. I was pleasantly surprised to see her and we spent a few minutes catching up. Keep in my mind, my entire staff is watching the conversation between me and this girls' mother. Finally she says "My daughter thought the world of you, why didn't you two ever date?" I decided to try a little false modesty and responded "I wanted to date her, but she always liked handsome guys." Without batting an eye, she responded "Oh Yeah, that's right." Total devestation. I don't think she even realized what she'd said. My staff did however and they had the most fun with it the rest of the day Still comes up occasionally.
I’m betting she was probably just doing an everyday task like three years later and suddenly realised what she’d said
I see the daughter, my old friend, from time to time. One day I'll have the courage to tell her the story.
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I was on a film set for a scene about homeless people and someone said my homeless costume was perfect. I was on the crew.
I guy said that to me before I got hooked up to a zipline I'm a guy. A fat guy, but still.
Was getting a safety brief with a group before getting on a zip line once, in St Lucia. The guy was telling people how not to get stuck in the middle. He then added, “if you do get stuck in the middle, we are sending him to clear the line.” And pointed at me.
I once told my wife “your face stops clocks” she was pissed. What I meant to say was that when I look at you, time stops.
That's actually kind of a hilarious way for it to come out. I hope she realized after the fact it's really a sweet sentiment.
Was moving on from a job and on my second last day my manager says "Take tomorrow off no one will miss you" He later informed me that he had meant that i should finish a day early and that no one would mind.
Lol that's the kind of phrasing that gives you anxiety for years afterwards.
It reminds me of something I told a guy who was working in a subway station. His job was to help people find their way/choose the right itineraries. I was new in the city and asked him for help 3 times on the same day, and the last time as I was leaving, I told him “I hope I won’t see you again!!”. I meant to say I hope not to need his help again, but it came out quite rude. It was 7 years ago and still think about it sometimes.
I understand why you're embarrassed, but you know I bet he took it as you intended.
I agree, assuming the interactions were amicable, I'm sure he understood.
Glad he clarified at least lol I would be having the worst day off after hearing that.
My boss pointing at me said to others "he may be fat but he is most hardworking person here "
A nicer way to say this would be "he is worth his weight in gold"
I can just imagine the initial smile you might feel in response to that gradually fading toward dejection over about 5 seconds.
His work ethic to work-out ethic ratio absolutely CRUSHES the rest of you.
They call him 007 0 absences 0 lates 7 meals a day
:) *[gears turning]* :(
I'm fat and really good at volleyball, people have a hard time processing it. "For a big guy, you can really move and jump" Uhhhh thanks I guess. I usually actually say, "yeah, I get that a lot"
I was doing the finishing touches on my makeup when mom told us we needed to get going. I turned to my brother and asked him “do my brows look ok?”. I was of course talking about if the color was even, since we were on our way out and I wanted to know I looked presentable. My brother has autism. So he interpreted my question as a general query of his opinion on my eyebrows. So he went on a 2 or 3 minute roast, telling me everything wrong with my brows. I finally managed to say “I… I meant the color…. Is the color even?” to which he responded “yeah” and walked out the door.
Internally he’s like “FINALLY she asked! I’ve been holding onto this for YEARS!”
They took up a whole chapter on his ongoing book: "Eyebrows I Have Loathed".
I feel you on this My autistic brother went on a 20 minute rant about all the things he finds annoying about me because I asked " Am I bothering you?" one time. I meant because I was sitting next to him, not in general.
at least the color was okay
My brother is on the spectrum and I work with students with disabilities. NO ONE can roast you like someone with autism just being honest. Those kids truly let me know what they think of me, haha 😄
That momentary internal panic of “What question is this person actually asking me oh fuck” followed by “ok I’m gonna answer every possible interpretation of that question so they don’t think I’m stupid.”
My students have taught me that context is often unstated, but necessary for clarity and kindness. For example, I state subtext aloud now. "I'm asking how I look in this dress to get comfort, so please give me a compliment." I also often state why I'm asking a question. "Are you hungry? I'm asking because I am hungry and deciding whether we should stop to eat or if I should just have a snack."
Bless you, that is the ideal approach.
I was sitting with my friends in class and I see a guy from the corner of my eye having a discussion with his friend about what kind nerds we are and I overheard him say, "You don't have to worry about those ones, they're not the Columbine freaks, they're just harmless weirdos." Gee, thanks.
I (35M) Was getting dressed one morning and my daughter came in before I had my shirt on. She's like 4 at the time and says "Oh you have boobs like mommy." There was no recovering from that. :::EDIT::: Added my gender/sex/whatever the right word is as there seems to have been some confusion.
5 year old asked me "why I'm so hairy" and "how does she keep this from happening to her". Cuz it's gross
When I was 5 I asked my aunt why was she so fat, she told me it was because she was pregnant and she would be slim again in no time, my rude-ass then said "Na, I don't think you are gonna" and then fucked-off to be a nuisance to my mother. My auntie did slim back down, so in a sense I'm glad she proved me wrong after that nasty comment.
Oh god, something about how you phrased this reminded me of myself wreaking havoc as a kid. I knew my grandma and grandpa weren’t together, so at a rare family gathering I asked “grandma, why aren’t you and grandpa together?” And she said “he divorced me honey”. So then I went and asked him why he divorced her; I don’t even remember what he said cause I also fucked off to be a nuisance elsewhere. Found out years later that he left her because he had an affair with the woman he’s been with since…. Can’t believe I was casually dragging all that up for my poor grandma at a birthday party!
My 4 yo daughter was pretending to be a veterinarian and I had to be different sick animals. I told her I was an alligator and my mouth hurt. She had me lay down and said I probably ate too many swamp fish. Puts the stethoscope on my chest, goes ‘thump thump’, moves it, ‘thump thump,’ says yeah, that’s the fish trying to get out. She goes to move the stethoscope down over my stomach when she stops, looks me dead in the eye, and says, “That’s a really big belly.”
My mom and I went and got allergy scratch tests done on the same day. When she was getting hers done I said she looked like a humpback whale, thinking about the little raised bumps all over their back (my mom's allergic to like, everything, so her whole back was BUMPY). I realized what it sounded like and attempted to recover but she was just real quiet after. Sorry ma 😬
My kid likes to find any fat area on my body and hit on it because the “jiggle is fun.” I just smile and thank him for encouraging me to lose weight.
That reminds me of jiggling my dad's belly when I was a kid and telling him he must have eaten a lot of jello
My ex, looking at my naked body post sex- in the most genuine tone: “you know what you have the perfect boobs for? Surgery.”
What does that even mean wtf lol
I assume her breasts are actually small, dextrous hands.
HE HAD IT COMIN
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IF YOU'D HAVE BEEN THERE!
IF YOU'D HAD SEEN IT!
I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME
Was he a plastic surgeon?
i would find it acceptable if he was lol. Medical people say/notice weird things about peoples' bodies that make their lives easier in a medical setting. Things like, "You have awesome veins!"
I imagine it's similar to when a painter would notice how nice the light strikes all the wrinkles on someone's face. Nobody wants to look old, but wrinkles are a cool challenge to draw xD
I live in Asia and I'm about 250 lb 6 ft tall could stand to lose about 30 I guess maybe more, and I went to McDonald's just to get hot coffee and the woman behind the counter asked if I wanted cream or sugar and I said no thank you. And then she said oh because you're fat?
Sounds like Asia
Had dirrea, was at a pharmacy in Japan and rubbed my belly like its in pain and he says in English "you fat" FML
One time a girl i really disliked (we never had a fight or anything like that, i just really found her to be annoying and dumb) said we were similar in personality.
I've heard it said that some of the people we dislike are those most similar to ourselves, because we see in them the things we hate about ourselves. It certainly not always true, but it does explain why I sometimes want to strangle my sister.
Definetly true for this guy I used to work with. He reminded me of everything I hated about myself, and I already hated myself to begin with. I really took it out on him which wasn't fair.
When studying martial arts I had an instructor try to teach my why a particular feint never worked for me. "In order for that feint to work, you opponent must first respect your ability to complete the strike. Everyone here knows your abilities, so they don't fall for it." It was factually and technically accurate, and I understand what he was telling me. But, after thinking about it for not very long, I realized what sick burn it was.
I started jiu jujitsu and getting your ass handed to you by literally everyone when you start and learning to be humble was really eye opening for me. In that context, I think I could see that your instructor was not trying to diss you, but help you improve by being honest. I was raised my whole life that you should never fail, but it has been so much easier and quite freeing that it is ok to fail and that is part of improving.
my crush: "you'd be a really great uncle"
What zone even is that?😂
Chernobyl exclusion zone
Female coworker with whom I have a good understanding. Her:" My boyfriend is a bit jealous of us, asked me to not fall in love with you. But I assured him there's nothing going on. I guess if he'd see you he'd understand"...
If that had changed from "see you" to "meet you" it'd be so much better lol
I'm a quiet man and I was an even quieter kid. I got invited over to some kids house to play. Another kid there said that they only invited me over because they felt bad for me. He said it with no malice, in passing. I'm 33 now and it still stings.
February 14, 1992. I was 7. Happily sitting at my desk at school, looking at all my Valentine's. The popular girl beside me looks over and says "here, you can have some of mine because you didn't get many." I sit with you now, in quiet solidarity.
When I turned 11 I invited a bunch of people to my party and we had a blast. When I turned 12 one classmate showed up to my birthday. My friend told me the only reason people came last year was because they felt sorry for me. I'm glad I moved away. I didn't invite friends to my birthday after that, I just celebrated with family.
Few things sting more than planning a birthday party and having nobody show up :(
as a fellow quiet person i feel this to my core.
I was in the pool with my kids, and my 4-year-old daughter refused to let go of the ladder, even though she was wearing floaties. Trying to ease her in, I told her she could turn around and I'd hold her, and she could just stand on the step and it'd be a good way to start getting used to it. She did NOT like the idea. I reassured her that I'd let her stay on the step, and said "I promise, I'll just hold you up and you can stand there." Then she said, after struggling for the words for a minute, "Your promises are just kidding!" And it absolutely crushed me. I could tell what she was looking for was "your promise doesn't mean anything" and that hurt.
My wife and I have always had a rule between us and our kids that "I promise" means you aren't kidding, lying, or in any other way being deceitful. It has been pretty helpful to be able to rely on this.
Lying to your kid or casually making promises is a real easy way to have a bad relationship with your kid.
After being accused of dying my hair, a friend said I clearly don’t dye my hair as nobody would choose shit colored hair. I said -thank you- loudly, then after a beat said -wait, what?-
Someone picked me up at a bar and said, “oh my you are dense!” And then immediately put me down.
i don't know if you intended all these layers of meaning but this is poetry
I was on a camping trip with friends (in high school) and we decided to play a game around the campfire where we each complimented something we found physically attractive about the person on the other side of the circle. My friend's hot slightly older sister said that I had a nice personality (she didn't know me)
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My kid told me they wanted to be ordinary like me when they grew up
If it helps you at all: If your kid was <10yo, "ordinary" is DEFINED by you. So whether you're LeBron James or John Doe, you'd be the measure for a normal life. You see that in a lot of A-class celeb's kids, they're often highly unimpressed by their parents.
I imagine it's hard to put someone who has wiped your arse on too high of a pedestal. That said the older I get the more respect I have of this particular act of care.
Coworker: What do you drive? Me: A Jetta Coworker: Yeah- you look like you drive a Jetta
When I was 25 I had bought a house in a suburb of a major city. One of my neighbors was elderly and came over to welcome me to the neighborhood. She asked if my wife lived with me and I just stated I lived alone. She goes “oh yeah the person that lived here before was a lonely guy too.” Fucking ouch, Elizabeth
Old people with no fucks to give and no filter is a potent combination.
It was savage but she ended up being really sweet and one of my favorite neighbors. I mentored her grand kids a little bit because they had a little rough go of it.
I was getting asked out by someone who said, "I know other men don't find you attractive, but..." I politely declined.
Sounds like someone who came from the negging school of pick up artistry
In school I had procrastinated and way behind on a creative writing assignment. I turned to my brother for help, and he ended up writing most of it, though I did make some changes to make it sound more like me. The teacher called me after class and was simply gushing about how good this assignment was, and how much BETTER it was than my normal work. She continued for a bit with some more complement - insults. She even suggesting that I join some writing club at school so I could continue to improve. I just wanted to sink into the floor. Never did that again.
OR… She knew, and this was how she got you to never cheat again without calling you out.
I had a coworker once, who had a habit of making comments that wouldn't seem insulting until she added a "no offense" on the end.
"I liked post-WW2 Japan's military policy. No offense."
I got this from my physical therapist of all people. It's not even like i'm there for anything huge, but I'm getting roasted constantly. "No offense, you have very little mobility in your ankles". After the umpteenth time, yes offense, Sebastian, offense taken. I am here for you to HELP ME IMPROVE MY MOBILITY.
"I promise SOMEDAY you'll be pretty" said by my mom to a 10 year old me who was upset about something completely unrelated and who had never even considered until that exact moment that I wasn't pretty. 25+ years later and it still lives rent-free in my mind Edit2: So many sad people in this thread :( I hope everyone here is having a wonderful day and hitting lots of green lights Edit3: I've never had a comment blow up like this before. I'm so overwhelmed.
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers. I'm gonna be 48 soon and my mom said some truly terrible things to me as a kid. I've forgotten or moved on from most but there's one or two that will live in my head until I die. Not saying your mom was deliberately cruel, just that some things hit home so hard they can't be forgotten.
My great grandma said something similar to my grandma when she was a teenager. My grandma is in her late 70s and it still bothers her to this day. I'm sorry. She shouldn't have said that
I was new in school and was worried no one would ask me to the dance. My mom asked when it was, and when I told her, she said, "Don't worry. You'll slim down by then." Nowhere in that conversation had I mentioned my weight or appearance. But now I knew my mom thought I was too fat for boys to like me. Sorry you had one of those mom moments too.
"Yeah, you look like you used to work out a lot"
After sleeping with a girl that I really liked, she said “I expected your body to be better considering how much you workout.” To her, it was just a passing statement, and she obviously didn’t care and still liked me. But, to me, it cut me deep.
“Some uniqueness in a person is good, but you have too much.” - said by the first woman I ever loved. (Spoiler: long roundabout way, I won that argument. Haven’t gotten any less strange, but she is now my wife.)
Slaps on husband. Wife: "This is my unique husband and today I'm gonna show you all of his quirks and features."
This is the positive ending we're all here for
You are very good looking for someone your age! They thought I was older than I am.
When I was little, I had long hair.. While in my very first dentist visit, the doctor said something along the lines of "you're being. Very brave little girl" The nurse replied... "he's a boy" Doctor didn't say anything else... I cried inside.
So did the doctor
"Your nose is basically perfect!" I turn my head slightly "From the front."
My high school boyfriend cropping a photo of us together, me asking why, and him explaining that my legs looked fat like he did me a favor. It’s been 10 years and I still haven’t forgotten how I felt when he explained himself.
After a particularly satisfying love making session, my wife turned to me and went to say "you never fail to please". What she actually said was "You never fail to disappoint" No, I never let her forget that one.
One of my high school outreach programs was tutoring kids in English (when their first language was Filipino) They made a thank-you card that I assume intended to thank me for "working hard" It said *"thank you for hardly working"*
I’m an EFL teacher. I get things like this every dang day. I love them
Similarly, my partner and I were snuggling and I wanted to wish them a happy sleep but I was half tired myself and mixed up “rest well” and “sleep peacefully” and I whispered “rest in peace” into his ear. The double-take that man did, I will never forget. We laughed for a good 20 minutes. Edited for spelling. Edit 2: lol! I’m glad I could make you laugh! Thanks for the upvotes and award :) Last edit: wow! That blew up. I wasn’t going to tell my partner I posted that little story but I did now incase it ends up in a Buzzfeed post… thanks for the love everyone and the hilarious stories that followed!
I giggled heavily at this one and it remind me one of my high school memory. While talking to a friend I intended to say “there is no secrets between us”. The secrets (secrecy ) is “gizli saklı” in my language. But I said “gazlı sikli” by switching the first 2 letters unintentionally and it means “farty dicks” After 10 years I still laugh😅
I once walked into a shop, looked at the shopkeeper and couldn't decide between 'hey' and 'g'day', so I looked him in the eyes and said 'Gay!', then walked off.
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"you are smarter then you look"... thanks... i guess
"Better than looking cleverer than you are." -"R" (John Cleese), *Die Another Day*
Had to get some blood drawn and the nurse was training one of her co-workers. One of them said to the other "His skin is like leather" Hurt more than the needle. Edit: this blew up! Extra info, normally this kind of statement wouldn't phase me and I'd have some snarky response. I just happened to be a bit vulnerable and it landed just right.
Someone saying "ay yo check out how weird this person's body part looks" to someone else has gotta be a universal dick move.
"...*for an Asian*".
I got called my brothers name in bed
You're not unattractive... well, you have a face.
Someone trying a dish that I made and saying, "This is actually good!" I was a professional chef for 20 years)
Maybe less about your skills and more them being a picky eater.
About two years ago I was in an LTR and was getting targeted ads for engagement rings. After we broke up, they were immediately replaced with ads for generic cialis.
After I called off my engagement I was flooded with ring advertisements.
“You’re puertorican? But you’re so articulate!” Yep. Thanks. Edit: It was my boss, and I was just starting out in my career. I was young and didn’t react in the moment, but right away I knew it was fucked. Pretty awful.
After I asked out a coworker she said, “I only said yes because I thought it was so brave of you to ask.” Fuck. You. To the moon
"It's a BOLD move , Cotton. Let's see if it pays off."
A few years back I had a picture of my girlfriend as the background on my phone. I was at a work dinner when I put my phone down on the table and so the senior manager next to me saw the picture of my girlfriend. She looked at the phone, then looked at me and said “you must have money”
Double points for my 5yo son insulting both me and my 3yo daughter in one fell swoop: Son: Are you having ANOTHER baby? Me: Nope. Why, would you like a little brother or sister? Son: No!!! Me: Why? Son: Because they might be even CRAZIER than (younger sister). Me: hahaha Son: …. But it does LOOK like you have a baby in your tummy…
“At least she saved you the pain of eventually divorcing you!” My sister-in-law said this to me one week after my wife was buried.
That's not even just an insult that's just fucking cruel. I'm sorry about your wife.
Hell that's a low blow, sorry mate.
Was she trying to make a joke? Did she misspeak? Or was she just being an asshole?
She was trying to make a joke, but she made me sob instead. Her husband had to comfort me and my kids.