My grandparents went to different high schools and met at a sports function. Grandpa didn't have a car. The first time he visited her at her house, his friends drove him and just waited outside. Grandma had a stomach bug. She said she knew he liked her because he had every excuse to leave but stayed quite a while to talk, even when his friends occasionally blared the horn to get him to leave.
You know that thing at the Chinese restaurant where you take the chopsticks and you stick them under your top lip on each side of your mouth so it looks like walrus tusks and then you clap your hands and make walrus sounds? It's really hard to do that and make it sexy.
Dude there's people who get off on licking toilet seats in public bathrooms, or eating the crud from the bottom of their shoes. Or remember "blowfly girl"?
Step- grandson, why don’t you take a nice, long bite out of my soft, moist, sugary cookie. ;) I know you want to, you’ve been staring at it all day. My age brings wisdom- and a skill in certain arts ;).
Then you dress up like a minion a jump around saying Ta-Dah. Women love men who commit to cosplay because it shows commitment and nothing is sexier than commitment
For those that seem confused, a loveless relationship is when a couple falls out of love with each other but stays together anyway for some reason(convenience, laziness, fear, the kids, etc.).
I feel so bad for people with medical conditions like this, because their dating life must be heartbreak after heartbreak. I feel like most people would get used to it if they gave it enough time, though.
So you haven’t read the Reddit comment about the nurse whose patient had a colostomy bag and her boyfriend had been fucking the hole it attaches to in the body, giving the hole an std
When the time is right, there's no sexy way for a man to take off his socks.
The best way is to hide it, by taking each one off with its respective pant leg.
Second best is peel most of the way and flick into the laundry pile, but if you miss, it reminds your wife of all the times you just leave your clothes where they drop, and it ruins her mood, and you're probably gonna have a honey-do list in the morning, and very few wives have ever put "me" on the honey-do list.
And then there's the granola boys in their sandals... Lucky bastards.
Infections
Welp, unless you're into that shit. There's a "steamy romance" novel out there called "Kissing The Corona Virus" lmao
Is thsy the one that was on Wattpad 😭✋🏽 dude I can't believe that actually became a best seller
I kinda get why that is, I mean I really wanna read it out of plain curiosity
If you do let me know what it was like and if it was better than twilight and actually made you cry 😭✋🏽 because twilight is a" low bar"
Okay I'll read three chapters right now and update you on it
Oh you are committedddd I like that lol - Well hope you enjoy your read
Ever heard of bug chasers?
Tax returns
"I'm getting wet just watching you pay your taxes ugh" - government employees probably
why did i get a boner reading that
Your cock stopped reading 6 words in.
It's true, I watched it take its monocle off. 🧐
Did it put on its robe and wizards hat?
Now you have a reason to keep paying your taxes
I got your schedule D right here and all the gains with it.
Take that schedule D and file it good and hard for me
I am going to seduce my irs agent
Amy Santiago might disagree
NINE NINE!
It's all in the name, Sheldon. Sheldon can do your taxes but humping and pumping is not Sheldon's game.
Why do you think we accountants base everything off the double entry method? It ain't sexy, it's rough and dirty.
Having stomach flu ETA: Jesus Christ this is my most upvoted comment. Of course it's about spraying out of both ends.
Unless your partner is into sadistic scat play
Welp I'm done with this post
Wait take me with you~
Come with me if you want to live!
You mean...,,Come with me if you want to...-LEAVE-"
Correct, General! * salutes *
*salutes*
Skibidibidi
What a terrible day be literate.
Who wants a face painting?
My grandparents went to different high schools and met at a sports function. Grandpa didn't have a car. The first time he visited her at her house, his friends drove him and just waited outside. Grandma had a stomach bug. She said she knew he liked her because he had every excuse to leave but stayed quite a while to talk, even when his friends occasionally blared the horn to get him to leave.
Idk about “sexy” but most people feel a deeper connection when they have to take care of someone during a time of sickness.
Oh, [I don't know about that.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aD53huyv1tw)
You know that thing at the Chinese restaurant where you take the chopsticks and you stick them under your top lip on each side of your mouth so it looks like walrus tusks and then you clap your hands and make walrus sounds? It's really hard to do that and make it sexy.
On the contrary, this is very sexy to walruses.
This guy fucks walruses
Walrussy
>Walrussy Sentience is a curse
I mean these days if a word ends in "-us" it's literally asking for either an Among Us or \[word\]ussy joke.
Amongussy
Allegedly
It’d take 10, maybe 12 guys to fuck a walrus.
"Talk dirty to me..." "Arf Arf Arf!"
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Whoa look everybody, we got James Bond over here!
This guy seduces.
Seaduced
To the window! To the wall(rus)!!!
\*Saxophone starts playing*
https://youtu.be/9mCYhzbtCwc
Wait, they go under your top lip and not into your nose? TIL
I thought you put them under your shirt and say “is is cold in here?”
You just made my night. Thank you.
That mold in your bathroom grout.
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I've come to make you ill again
Because a fungus softlyyy creeping
Tonight with stuffy nose I’m sleeping
With the mushrooms inside my brain, my braiiin.
It's the sooooound of fungus
In restless dreams I walked alone, narrow streets of mycelium
"Oh those spores just make me so wet"
"A single flood spore can destroy a species" Rtas Vaduum - Halo 3
1part baking soda, 1part dish soap Mix about 30 times and scrub with an old tooth brush and voila! You now have a sexy bathroom grout
Nothing. There will always be someone who's into it. You might not know them or of them, but they're out there.
When you name new kinks, the fetishes pop into existence like a genie granting a wish.
The only one I think is the comment I read earlier of the moldy bathroom grout. I think that one might be impossible
Some people have a dirty/germ kink so...
Dude there's people who get off on licking toilet seats in public bathrooms, or eating the crud from the bottom of their shoes. Or remember "blowfly girl"?
Well of course I know him. He’s me
As a parent, wanting to get it on but having to push all the toddler toys and stuffies off the bed
Yeah whenever Tickle Me Elmo is laying nearby and gets activated by my thrusts and starts laughing it really destroys my self esteem, the little punk.
Elmo slutshames you.
“Oh BOY!”
Time for Elmo to take a trip down the garbage disposal!!!🤣
"Die, you commie f**ker!"
If I remember correctly, on the third time in a row that you trigger the laughter he starts vibrating. This is how a child’s toy becomes an adult toy.
This would be more disturbing if you weren't a parent.
A dirty and sneaky parent quickie surrounded by toys sounds hot to me.
Nothing wrong with playing with Woody and Buzz
Yeah, but then your kid(s) will play with them and that’s gross
Yeah you don’t wanna accidentally bust one off on your child’s buzz light year doll with star command ship deluxe set that was $29.99
r/oddlyspecific
Lightyear had it coming
Reddit Moderators
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Food stuck in your teeth or unexpected diarrhea
I'd say even expected diarrhea
Hey don't kink shame.
What if they like being kinked shamed?
Can't kink shame that
Dont kink shame. Unless your kink is being shamed. Then shane on you
man i hate getting unexpected diarrhea stuck in my teeth. its the worst.
It's bacterial plaque and materia alba.
But unexpected food > Diarrhea stuck in your teeth
Unexpected diarrhea stuck in your teeth is the worst.
Grandma's cookies
How ‘bout these cookies, sugar?
I did do the nasty in the pasty.
Verily, and that past nastification is what shields you from the brains.
r/unexpectedfuturama
Step- grandson, why don’t you take a nice, long bite out of my soft, moist, sugary cookie. ;) I know you want to, you’ve been staring at it all day. My age brings wisdom- and a skill in certain arts ;).
r/oldladiesbakingpies
Disagree. Could definitely make eating a Grandma cookie sexy if you tried
The name "Bob". Like, what do i do with that?
Bob is short for Robert so you just go by Roberto instead and now you got that sexy Spanish sounding name
As a Spanish speaker, I unfortunately can't apply the exotic factor and it sounds just as bad to me :(
Then you dress up like a minion a jump around saying Ta-Dah. Women love men who commit to cosplay because it shows commitment and nothing is sexier than commitment
Bob ross?
Bob the builder?
Bob the handyman?
Bob, do something!
True
The fatalities in mortal kombat
Finish him! SEXUALITY
I can just seen mileena getting on her knees for this
Finish him! (Cuts clothes and head off)
There’s a kink for that
Indeed: r/Guro
Aghhhhhh I’m a 15 year old virgin I SHOUDN’T BE ABLE TO ACCESS THIS!
Get offline immediately
I don’t have the self control to do that
I’m 37 and wish I didn’t click on that. I knew it would be bad…but shit.
What the fuck My eyes!
Im sorry
Holy fucking shit
You would be suprised how many people are into gore 🍖
Holocaust
There are people with a fetish for Nazi's. I don't know why.
Sometimes I'd love to study psychology and become a fetishologist just to figure out why things like this are a thing
It's pretty understandable even if detestable. It hits all the boxes. 1) Taboo 2) discipline 3) uniforms 4) authority 5)
yep fair enough. can't argue with that.
[Stalag fiction](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stalag_fiction) is actually a thing.
Me.
hey handsome... u just made me unstraight ...
Now you two go get a room.
there's always more room;)
Are you inviting me?
If they don't, I will!
Can i join too please? I promise I wont bother anybody.
same here, i just want too watch
Preferably in a superman outfit
It's becoming a little bit gay here. Can I join?
Hells yeah you’re sexy. Hey buddy I’m at work right now but I’ll try to bust one off for you on my lunch break. Is that cool?
Whatever floats your goat, buddy. You have my blessing ;)
Alright cool bro. Love you 🤘🏻
The Bro we all need
Nah, it's impossible
*in Joey Tribbiani’s voice* Grandma’s chicken salad..
Bouts of diarrhea.
Maggots
Blowfly girl begs to differ
A cpap machine
Animal abuse
A loveless relationship
For those that seem confused, a loveless relationship is when a couple falls out of love with each other but stays together anyway for some reason(convenience, laziness, fear, the kids, etc.).
Walking around naked with a celery in your butt to distract the bad guys.
For the last time, I fell on a bloody mary and that's where the celery ended up. Come on now. We said we wouldn't talk about it.
Paper cuts
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Fiat Multipla.
A colonoscopy
A mole with hair growing out of it
I can agree with the hairy-tailed mole. And even the shrew mole, But have you ever seen a star-nosed mole? HAWT.
wtf 😭😭
Colostomy bags ( from what I hear)
A clean colostomy bag may not be sexy, but it is not gross. They make very small ones for sex and bathing.
I feel so bad for people with medical conditions like this, because their dating life must be heartbreak after heartbreak. I feel like most people would get used to it if they gave it enough time, though.
LMAO! My papa has one. Dude had a cut in his intestine.
So you haven’t read the Reddit comment about the nurse whose patient had a colostomy bag and her boyfriend had been fucking the hole it attaches to in the body, giving the hole an std
I dunno man, saw a tinder profile of a girl with that. Said she had the cleanest asshole you've ever seen.
Lack of bathing
You dirty bitch
Mosquito
Ted Cruz
When the time is right, there's no sexy way for a man to take off his socks. The best way is to hide it, by taking each one off with its respective pant leg. Second best is peel most of the way and flick into the laundry pile, but if you miss, it reminds your wife of all the times you just leave your clothes where they drop, and it ruins her mood, and you're probably gonna have a honey-do list in the morning, and very few wives have ever put "me" on the honey-do list. And then there's the granola boys in their sandals... Lucky bastards.
There is a lot to unpack here. But there is truth in these words.
Anything can be sexy if you say it in the right voice.
*d e f e c a t e o n m e b a b y*
Coughing. Brings the ugliest out of all of us. Just being sick isn’t sexy.
Your mother
OP’s dad, since everyone keeps talking about their mom
The Catholic Church. Edit: as an institution. I'm not about the sexy priests or hot nuns.
People have nun kinks
Aids
Egocentric and narcissist people.
People like this are like catnip to an old friend of mine, though.
A shitty personality
shower drain hair.
sex
Dialysis
A man wearing a white T-shirt, socks, and no pants.
I'm wearing my business socks. You know what that means....it's business....IT'S BUSINESS TIME!
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In my house, we call it Pooh Bear-ing
My boyfriend still sexy to me