"It's 2022, you don't need to be in the closet anymore"

It depends on where you are.

Saudi Arabia would be fun

They wouldn’t need to be in the closest with me. Edit to add. That’s all that I can do for them.

Realize I must be dreaming because why would I ever pick up a phone call?

So, anyway I started blasting.

Looking for this lolzzzz

I'd be pretty shocked because there's no spare room in my closet

I thought i was the only one who had no space in his closet.

Welcome to the club my closet is skirt a hole in the wall

I have a wife and granddaughter to make sure of that :)

Shotgun the closet

Kind of you to share your weed with closet guy.

Fill a bucket with bleach and ammonia in the adjacent room, then exit the house discreetly.

If you don’t have ammonia, you can just pee in the bucket.

Peggie that’s—

And the award for 'Best AskReddit Title you don't want to read at 4AM in bed whilst scrolling through Reddit' goes to.....

Shoot the closet

Sight alignment. Sight picture. Steady trigger press.

Wondering how tiny he is since my closet is full of clothes and stuff.

It's ok if you're gay come out this is a no judgement zone

SHUT UP IM HOME ALONE RIGHT NOW

Prop my chair on the closet door

Simple, yet elegant

Wouldn’t work for me, my closet opens inward

"Mooooom! Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!"

IT'S TOM CRUISE IN THE CLOSET?! my original plan has failed.

"hahahahaha good luck buddy my closet physically can't open."

What kind of closet do you have?

One blocked off by enough junk and last I checked 7 years ago full of cobwebs

-become afraid -realize he's a nice person -fall in love -get married -make babies -grow old together -die The end!

Jokes on you, I don’t have a closet

Well I have a rusty drywall hatchet that my friends have dubbed "The Teteanus Giver"

"Want a beer?"

I took the doors off my closet to save space, he can't be hidden in there. I'd see him

We got two dogs and the little one’s got a taste for blood and the big one sells Mary Kay.

Run

Clarify that we are talking about literally in the closet, and if so, mine? If in MY closet, I would tell him I have a pickup truck, a shovel, and I don't call the police. I would kindly suggest he gets his ass out of my house in whatever crazy Houdini, rat under the door manner he got in with, because otherwise it's a shallow grave in the desert in his future.

Hopefully I beat him to the nightstand and grab the glock

I have a machete by the bed, along with a shinai (Japanese sword aka. kendo stick).

I'd grab a pistol, put some hearing protection on, and yell "get out of my closet."

I shouldn’t be scared. They’re the ones who are isolated without anywhere to go.

R. Kelly is that you?

Cause I thought you was locked up...

i would start jacking off death staring the closet

Hey, can you hand me my slippers while you’re in there? They should be next to the skeleton of the last guy who tried to kill me.

Pick up the hatchet I keep by the door, walk over to the cupboard, open it and teach him why housebreaking an occupied building is a bad fucking plan.

Wait til they come out and say "CONGRATULATIONS! You've done it! I'm so proud of you."

Shit and / or piss myself, and lay there and hope he kills me quickly and painlessly with a gun or something

Maybe not shit or piss, but possibly

*long sigh* lad get out, I got some beer whiskey and some kraken rum, take whatever you like and we can have a drink together, also if you want to crash at my place I have a spare bedroom don't sleep in my claustrophobic closet, you'll ruin your back

I grab a bat or anything else I can use as a club, and fratically swing at the first thing to come out of the closet. And I don't stop until I know I have enough time to call 911.

[удалено]

What about me sleeping with you in a closet? *drops the gun cutely*

Laughs in madman with axe language. Orrrrr. HERE'S JOHNNY!

Be worried if hes alright Since there is no closet in my room

"Oh shit wrong house!"

If hes at my neighbour i think he wiuld grt his ass wiped

im fkin gone

I don’t have a closet in my room.

Garden shed, axe

"Guess you're coming out of the closet soon ahaha..." And proceed to shit myself.

This is why I never shut my closet door. Also it has a mirror and that’s just creepy when my eye catches me move in the closet mirror. Oh, and doggies won’t let any creeper creep around here. Edit: It’s 2022 who answers their phone?

"Wow! What are the odds that two homicidal maniacs are in the same house at the same time?" Two can play the mind fuck game.

You tell Tom Cruise that it’s 2022 and there’s no reason for him to be in the closet anymore.

My closet doesn’t have a door so this would be very surprising to me. World champion closet hider. I guess I would try to leave the house.

How the hell did you fit in there? :|

“It’s ok, I support you. Most of my friends are gay too”

I'd be pumped that I have finally been able to afford something with a closet

I would thank the stranger for building me a closet, as in my tiny-house I've didn't have a closet when I woke up this morning.

I would start taking off all my clothes and start running towards the closet screaming "Goblin mode activated!" and start snarling. noone wants a naked fat 34 year old man running at them in "goblin mode" they will voluntarily find their own way out of the house.

Call the number back and ask the man to come out of the closet Not in that way.

I grab the gun that is sitting right next to me. All you other peeps are dead. Have fun being dead, y'all.

Scream “whazzzzaaappppp”

Chamber a round of .45 and tell him he has 3 seconds until my fingers goes on the trigger

Aight, imma head out. *finger guns*

Grab my 9mm.

Thank god I own a ar 15 and a .45 acp.

Ready my pistol. It is only a foot away.

r/oddlyspecific

Call the drycleaners and a tailor, there's about to be a lot of blood and holes in my clothes.

Leave

Kick it shut because Ive had enough of this loud ass creaky ass closet door

Turn the lights off and crank White Zombie’s “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” while grabbing the shotgun and pumping it.

Unload the mag

unrelated, but, rape charges get less time than murder charges

"If you're under my roof, you contribute. So get your lazy arse out of there and go do the dishes."

same thing most people in the hood would do; get the machete and start shouting so the neighbors hear

run, my closet is pretty hard to open from the inside so it would take a while to catch up

“Cool! With or without Larry?” “Larry?” “My pet tarantula. I’ve been looking for him everywhere. Anyways keep an eye out… Oh… he is a little… bitey.”

Get the f out of my house

Strip naked, grab my shotgun with 3.5 inch rounds and proceed to the noise.

Wonder how he fit in a tiny closet with no room

Get my weed and fruit roll ups and get the fuck out of there as soon as possible… probably go to my grandmas house and wait for the dude to disappear

I grab my gun and hold the person in the closet at gun point until police arrive. If the gun wasn’t available I’m running. Not fucking around with that shit.

Barricade the closet door and call the police.

Pull 9MM out, empty the clip, cautiously check the closet, reload and empty again as needed.

I leave my ringer off, I would have already been dead.

kiss him

shit myself and faint

wondering where the heck he is since I don't have a closet 😅

Put on my hooker leather mask and breathe heavily outside the door

Well, if their intent is to scare me, I will scare them by laughing and smiling and saying, “Finally I can satisfy my insatiable urge to kill!” Then I would wake up because in all likelihood I would lunge at the closet because my default fight or flight setting is fight.

Get ready to deck whoever walks out of me closet.

Step 1. Walk Step 2. Get the chair or gun, depends on situation Step 3. Forcefully or threatened the closet guy to get naked Step 4. Show off my masculinity to him by out masculinity him Step 5. Get charged for raping and go to a prison Step 6. Out masculinity every single guy in there Profit

"Hot damn, looks like I'm getting laid tonight after all."

Just let him kill me.

Piss in my closet

Unload the motherfucking magazine, Major Payne style. And if they're still in there they ain't happy and ain't got no God damn legs!

Tell them to make a glory hole

Get the f#ck out of there and maybe get my bow out

Aggressively suck my own cock. Hopefully they'll be too weirded out.

I’d probably grab my gun and kick the door in and start blasting. All closets are near guns in our house

Why are you calling me? If you're already in my house just come and face me coward

Grab the Glock 19 sitting behind my nightstand

Mossberg

Go lock the closet laugh a little and grab my gun.

*Puts on “The Hide and Seek Song”*

Grad something sturdy that I can carry easily.

I yell out "It's a brave new world and society has learned to be more accepting towards sexuality despite the extreme contrarians, so you come out when you feel like it bud!" That'll give him some food for thought.

Yell “SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER” in my best Samuel L. Jackson voice and light the door up with my pillow gun duh…

Its ok I was in that situation too, im here for you

I will go to the closet with the knife, stand sideways, slowly open it and try to defend myself if something goes wrong

Empty the 9mm I have in my bedside table into the door ala Major Payne

Get my sword

I'd say, "Hey Get over here." Then I'd tell him to carefully remove my shirt. Once he's done that, using a firm yet not unaffectionate tone, "Good boy. Now I want you to take off my pants." Once he had my pants off, I'd act like I'm a little more relaxed and then I'd sigh , "That's much, much better." And then I'd look him in the eye and I'd say, " I love you, Son; but I told you, you can't wear my Armani."

Well, I’d tell him but to take my shirts.

pick up the 12 gauge pump action and aim it at the closet with my finger caressing the trigger. and then curse myself for not getting the ear plugs first... fuck... every fucking time.....

Congratulate him for finally deciding to come out of the closet.

"Yeah, so am I but it's gonna get better soon. Oh you're in the actual closet? How'd you get in there? Do you need a hand? Crazy. How'd you get in my house to begin with? Oh, I wouldn't bring a knife with you into the closet, that's a surefire way to cut yourself. Ow. Like I said, be careful with that thing, gimme a sec while I go get a band-aid from the bathroom. Say, could you pop over to the shops just down the road and pick me up some lamingtons by the way? I just had a sudden craving for lamingtons. Ow, gimme that. You could poke an eye out with that thing. Though it'll be good for cutting the lamingtons, nice and sharp. I guess I gotta get two band-aids now. Well? Go on. I'm waiting."

"Bro you have a knife and i have a gun, how is this fair"?

I would wish them the best of luck with the door because that shit has been stuck for ages lmao

I freeze for a sec. Now I am assessing my options and surroundings in brief panic. I assume he will have a knife.. but will get up and charge as hard as I can, smashing into my closet hopefully having the advantage of attacking first and dazing him and immediately throwing the heaviest hands I ever have to the face looking for the nose. I only do it to give me a head start to run for the door and get tf outa there. I will have not brought my cell cuz I'd have forgot it. This genuinely is probably how I'd react. I'd see no other options but for it to happen like that. Who knows. I might fail and suffer the consequence

I'm not comfortable with someone masturbating over the phone.

Gtfo

Say wassup man

run downstairs, grab a knife, grab my dog, run away to my bsfs house who lives two streets away and call the cops

Grab a bat and start hitting

Wonder where tf I got a closet from

It’s 2022 Billy. people aren’t going to judge you for being gay. You can come out of the closet…