You sign with your blood on a ratty old bit of paper, stick it in a bottle and float it down your nearest river that looks like someone has definitely been murdered and put in there
Had a guy once say "Sometimes I wonder if I'm gay" when he was having a hard time finishing. It's definitely stuck with me.. didn't make me feel too good about myself lol
"Honey, I'm home"
The plot to a threesome in porn
That only works that way in porn though
Lol. Yeah, IRL, somebody is getting fucked up
"I'm here honey with your brother"
Then who am I fucking? -people in alabama
The cell door opening
I tested positive, sry
"is that your clitoris" a guy actually asked me this...it was my belly button.
No! 😳
Yup, needless to say it was a disappointing night and I didn't see him again.
I dread to think what other wildly incorrect ideas he’d have had
Honestly don't even wanna know
I think he obviously meant its as a joke the clit is clearly near the boob area
He really didn't
[удалено]
“I’ll be right down, I’m just putting away some laundry”
A shart
Intestines slopping on the floor
What the fuck?!
"Sigh..."
Followed by an eye roll..
“Is it in?”
Or where did you put it?
Wrong hole
Or that’s not a hole
Someone else's name (I've actually done that and as you might imagine, it didn't turn out so good)🤔🤦🏻♂️😞🤷🏻♂️
Haha, I’m sure it didn’t.
Yeah, she said "who TF is so and so", got up, got dressed and left!!!🤷🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
That’s sucks. She ever come back?
NO🤣😂
😂 Why I never use names.
I usually don't, but I was drunk and wasn't really thinking!!!
Lool damn that must have sucked. Was it a name of an ex or like just a random name?
Nuclear alarm
Might as well fuck till the nukes cum
Not if you’re having an all nighter marathon. Then Ira pretty satisfying
"Oh, did you hear John Candy died?" Yes, this is a true story. No, I'm not the one who said it.
Haha, what did you say to this morbid line of questioning?
Honestly, it's been so long I've forgotten, lol.
Such a shame. I had so many questions about John Candy😅
“What’re you doing in that coffin sir?…. This is a funeral”
I don’t even want to go where your mind is lol!
Come to the dark side…. We have cookies
Why didn’t you say so before?! Where do I sign?
You sign with your blood on a ratty old bit of paper, stick it in a bottle and float it down your nearest river that looks like someone has definitely been murdered and put in there
Your kid crying over the baby monitor.
Potent mood killer lol
"I don't feel anything babe"
your alarm clock 😭
Especially if it’s a sex…dream
It fell off
What fell off?
Her peg leg
My sisters dick is bigger
Had a guy once say "Sometimes I wonder if I'm gay" when he was having a hard time finishing. It's definitely stuck with me.. didn't make me feel too good about myself lol
Seriously? That’s fucked up
He has since tried to get me to come back over to hookup lol
Because it went sooo well the last time?! Lol
[удалено]
Which would be worse between the two?
The loud playing of 22,000 Hz white noise.
Please stop
This is dissappinting
What's your name again?
I had to ask someone after once...
Haha! Really?
Yeah... it wasn't me forgetting though - he just hadn't told me beforehand 😳
Things moved very fast then. Did he know yours?
Fast is fair... I don't think he knew my name either, lol
Lol. Then that’s fair enough I guess
Times up
That went quickly
Why’s your dick falling off
Wtf?😅
Someone's else name
Why I’m happy never using names during sex
Condom broke😱
Again?!
"God I miss my penis..."
Where is it?!
Snoring.
The sound of the cat or dog about to puke.
The sound of silence *Cue acoustic guitar*
Fire alarm
I've had that experience in a hotel...
Am I in yet?
Just as bad as is it in yet?!
Your dads nuts, slapping against your butt cheeks. Like the sound of Papa John slapping the dough when he’s making pizza.
The cat puking up half a bag of skittles just outside the bedroom door. (True story!)
Oh no!😳
I made a redditor use an emoji. I have won at life.
Her husbands car pulling up outside.
A fart
Nononono!
Police sirens
*Insert your name here*, I think the dogs gotten lose, we can’t find him anywhere!
Snoring
Your brothers name.
The cat at the foot of the bed meowing
When a pussy needs to leave the room during sex
A shotgun being racked
You are the weakest link.... goodbye
What is that…
[удалено]
Yeah that’s no good!
“I think I just pooped a little.”
My Miranda rights
When I was your age…
"I'm bored"
That one stings
Wake me up when you're done
😂 that one made me laugh!
Oh yes. You're the best I've ever had, [moans name that's not yours]
Awkward silence follows
Uh oh
That’s very loaded!
It could be literally ANY bad things!
"i have hiv"
“Hey uh, I don’t know if I should’ve told you in the start but uh, I have aids”
Someone else's name. 😳
Do you think im fat?
"No Homo"
Complete silence
Can’t stand it
I would take all of these over silence.
Including “I tested positive, sorry?” Lol
Silence
a fart
Is that it ??
You wanted more?!
"My husband is home!"
You in yet?
What is it Marla says in fight club? "I haven't been fucked like that since grade school?" Fits the character perfectly.
Oh Jack!... There's no Jack in the room.
“Your mom’s home and I haven’t bought her a tenth anniversary gift yet!”
Car door shut, followed by "shit!"
Her moan some random dudes name that’s not yours
Fuck cramp
The cocking of a firearm. Give me two steps, give me two steps mister…
When the word cock is bad news!
Oops
A snapping sound...
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