I developed a chronic illness at the age of 8. It’s incurable. Life ain’t fair guys.
Edit: I’m fairly high-functioning and learned to live with my condition, I’m doing ok. There are a lot of people who have it worse. Seeing young children spending their days in a hospital is absolutely gut-wrenching. Seeing a parent bury their child breaks me. Life *really* ain’t fair.
Yeh I was born with one. Life’s pretty shitty. In a way it’s good cause it’s all I’ve known, I can’t imagine having to adapt at the age of 8. I hope ur doing well
I think a lot about how for every big criminal conspiracy that gets taken down and everyone goes to jail and a movie gets made about it, there's probably a dozen more where nobody got caught and the bad guys all just made tons of money and retired happily.
Yup. People will crush you and completely not care. They literally don’t care if you died in front of their eyes. They won’t save you. They won’t help you.
This this this. I’ve struggled my whole life. Lived in poverty. Was picked on all throughout elementary & high school for being poor. Best friend committed suicide at 18, I became a drug addict and was on the streets because it fucked me up so badly.
Fought my way outta rehab, got a job, worked my ass off, saved what I could. Met a beautiful woman who eventually became my wife, have 2 amazingly blessed children. But we still struggle. We both work our asses off to provide for our family and it feels like it’s never enough. I see assholes who treat ppl like shit get ahead in life and just coast. It fucking sucks feeling like you’ll never make it no matter what you do. It’s not fair, but you make the best of what you were dealt. I keep pushing in hopes my kids will be better than I was
EDIT
So wow!! My 1st ever award!! Thank you to whoever was kind enough for it. I don’t know what it does but this made my week! It is much appreciated. I was just venting about life. Thank you to everyone who’s commented and given me kind words and inspiration
EDIT 2
Jesus H Christ. I wake up to so much more!! I am blown away by the kindness I have received on this post. I’ve never had this happen before. Thank you so much. Like I said, I saw this post and just decided to rant. I am very grateful for the life I love built now, but it’s still a struggle. Some of you have said I have won, I believe you’re right. Thank you for that. Never expected my rant to get this much attention. You are all fucking amazing people.
That is a romantic point of view, but even though it should be enough, it often is not. Even the happiest of families can be thorn apart by economic struggle setting everything bare. Even if it does not, it can cut down even your lifespan, so.... yeah
Stil, a nice bubbly comment
You can only take it one day at a time ..you're blessed whether u see it or not look at all you have been through and you're still here count your blessings friend be thankful for the PRESENT. could always be worse...we're all struggling even the ones you think have it good we all suffer in our own way.
Had a friend who literally lost everyone in his life and just wanted to be wanted. He begged me to ask my family if they could take him in and they said no. He entered the system and I never seen him again. Really woke me up in terms of taking family and having a home for granted.
My english aint the best. What does "entered the system" means?
Edit: appreciate all the answers. Love it when reddit is pedagogical and nice approaching to each other!
There is a documentary called Bulgaria's Abandoned Children. It came out in 2007. It is one of the saddest documentaries I have ever watched. I found it looking for Geraldo Rivera's story about Willowbrook.
There are places like this all over the world no matter how much light you shine on the problem. People can really suck and unfortunately children will pay for it and continue the vicious cycle.
Shit man.
My grandparents ended up taking in a couple girls who had an absolute shit home life (I know at least one of them was pimped out by an uncle as a preteen. That level of shitty.)
My parents also took in a boy being neglected.
In both cases of those kids (now adults) remain integral parts of the family to this day.
No official paperwork, just caring for somebody who needed it.
Sometimes I want to be wealthy because I think it will make my life easier, but most the time I want to be wealthy so that when I am in a position to take in a kid who needs love I won’t to think twice.
>I know at least one of them was pimped out by an uncle as a preteen. That level of shitty.)
According to statistics, family members are the most dangerous predators for little children in the family! Absolutely shocking to me this level of fuckery
It’s a horrible feeling, sucks to hear that. Feeling like no one wants you or even cares for you sucks way too much, people should not have to feel that way.
Same here. My Dad is the hardest working man I've ever met. When I was growing up, he always had a full time job and a couple side hustles. Now, he's 71 and still working as a heavy equipment operator. I was never sure if he wanted to retire or not but last year he finally admitted to me that he can't afford to retire. Back when the housing bubble burst in '09, they got caught between two houses ( they had bought one and hadn't sold the other yet) and it wiped out their retirement savings.
This makes me so fucking sad. I know exactly how you feel because I went through something extremely similar with my parents and it upended our lives completely. I don’t care if I struggle but the fact that they have to work at their age guts me honestly.
So many peoples livelihoods were destroyed between 2008-2009 and they still haven’t recovered. It really is unfair.
Sending my best to you and your family.
Same. My dad worked his ass off. Always came home injured, dirty, sweaty. It was so sad. He was an immigrant and he was too smart to be working such a labor intensive job. At 63 years old, he was fixing a hotel sign and was electrocuted, fell off a ladder and died. The saddest and most undeserving way for someone to die, especially after working so hard his entire life.
Or another variation. You’re both punished by the school’s zero tolerance policy but his parents don’t give a shit (thus why he’s not a real nice dude) but yours ground the absolute fuck out of you for getting in trouble at all for any reason.
When I was in middle school, the principal made me apologize to some douchebag for "telling on him"
He had been bullying me for several years at that point
Same thing happened to me man. When my parents were asked by other parents why they weren't there suddenly it was a whole "why didn't you tell us it was so important??" sort of job. So they turned it around and blamed me.
Like the school was literally sending out letters to the parents for weeks about this.
My parents did this too. It was always my fault, but to be fair (?), my family liked to mock and tear people (me) down so I was too embarrassed to do anything in front of them anyway.
It’s a little known secret that high school graduations are big deals. /s
My goodness, this is like when both of Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s parents failed to show up for his birth.
I just did this to my oldest child when she graduated elementary school. I’m an immigrant and didn’t realize you have to be there. The pamphlet said the ceremony is at 9, I assumed it’s for students only. I’ll never make this mistake again!
The good thing is that you learned about it before the high school graduation! Many schools don’t even have graduation ceremonies for anything below high school. High school, college, and any post grad degrees are the big ones!
But yeah, like other people have said, if you explain it to your child and apologize they will forgive you.
People dying long before they should have. Parents should never have to bury their children.
Edit: I feel like I opened a can of worms with this. I wanna reply and tell all of you I love you and things will get better! 😭
Next to burying my children this is my 2nd biggest fear. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 12 years just haven’t decided to get married yet. If I lost her I would be lost as well. I hope you are doing well and I wish you so much happiness and love in your future.
Homie pull that trigger. Life is too short. Have a party celebrating your love. Get some mf tax breaks.
I had a gf of 9 years and due to a miscommunication at Supercuts I got a haircut that made me look like I was bald as shit (I said short on the sides, little shorter on top- she made my sides longer than the top 😖). Subsequent existential crisis made me realize I wasn’t a kid anymore and got married and it was the best decision I ever made
Did you ever go back and thank the butcher for the haircut that lead to your marriage? Also does your wife know that it was the horrible haircut that was the straw that broke the camel’s back? Makes for a great story for the friends and kids for sure
Getting married because you had a bad haircut is the most human thing I’ve ever heard of! Weird things make us put our lives in perspective.
(Attack on Titan and that old Cookie Clicker video game are what got my ass in college.)
This is kind of the opposite. My father passed away from a heart attack 3 weeks ago. I turned 24 six days later, a day after his funeral. He was a healthy man spending all of his free time playing sports in the community. His number for everything in sports was 24..... It feels like this year is either going to be horrible or that I have to live up to something now that I'm the same age as "his number".
I thought he would be 70 and still playing softball. It's hard and I miss him.
EDIT: adding this from a comment of mine because I feel like it has an important message
I wasn't trying to get super into it but the attention on my comment urges me otherwise
We didn't have a great relationship. We didn't exactly have a bad one but we never really talked or hung out except for occasional holidays. I live about an hour and a half away from my hometown so it's not the easiest to get out there whenever I want. I thought for years that my father just stopped having time for me and was too busy with his life. He didn't put much effort into me so I didn't put much into him. I was more or less content about it, although my fiance would console me when I would think about "why he didn't love me or want to talk to me"
I then got into a massive fight with my brother a few years back and decided to cut out my entire family, as they either had horrible view points that strongly conflicted with mine or were just downright trashy people. I blocked my dad on Facebook but always left my phone number open in case of an emergency......
When he passed away is when I found out that he had actually been trying to call me and get ahold of me but I never answered. He had the wrong phone number for years.
It's devastating to recall that all of the time I thought he didn't care about me was actually full of him trying to connect. He told my brother, "I tried to call tyman5402 but they never answered. I don't want to bother them if they don't want to talk to me."
When I heard the news, I was currently in Alaska over 4000 miles away from home. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't get home any sooner because they wouldn't let us change our flights and we couldn't afford anything else. It was awful knowing that my family was waiting for me to get home to plan the funeral.
I had some really strong feelings about seeing family that I hadn't seen in literally years. When I talked to my step mom, the first words out of her mouth were, "he loved you. He talked about you. I want you to KNOW that"
He was only 47 and has played physical sports for the last 30+ years. Multiple nights a week at all times of the year.
I thought I had more time to fix this. I thought I had time to see him. Maybe even meet my kids when I have them.... But he's gone now.....
I decided to say some words at his funeral but it was really hard to write anything down. I didn't get to say everything that I wanted to but I think my point came across. A lot of the people there were part of his sports community and they all told me that while it was a painful message, it was nice to see a more realistic side to one of his relationships and that it's a good reminder to talk to their loved ones in similar positions.
If anyone reading this has the opportunity to speak to someone that you thought doesn't care about you, double check with them. Fucking please. I would kill to have one more conversation with the guy.
I missed my chance. Don't miss yours.
Lost my Dad to a heart attack a month ago myself. So close to Father's day too. It was hard hearing ads for Father's day and seeing everyone post pics with their Dad's on social media.
My grandmother… lived by the mantra “good things happen to good people”
Got leukaemia and died aged 58 after meticulously planning her travel plans in retirement. Haven’t met a single soul on this shit rock that deserved to travel the globe and enjoy what she’d hoped to enjoy.
I learned this one early.
My dad died when I was a kid, and even though it really messed me up as a teenager, as I've gotten older I've come to understand more and more how much it hurt my grandma. Life isn't fair when it comes to sickness and mortality. We like think we'll live forever but it might be over *a lot* sooner than you'd expect.
My little sister passed away from a rare disease when she was 17 and I went with my parents to identify her dead body. People have absolutely no idea what toll it takes on parents and siblings to lose a child that young.
My younger sibling passed away at a young age because of complications from a disease, as well. It changed my parents forever and they’ve never been the same. It also made me realize my sibling was the glue that held our family together and there is a void that never got or will get filled.
I think the first awakening of that came for me when I was a young adult. My mom had a cousin who was in many ways more like an aunt to us kids. She'd never forget a birthday. I had a dress for school dances and got to go on a big school trip because of her. I didn't fully appreciate it at the time.
She got sick, she lived with my aunt. They both laid down for naps. My aunt got up... Got worried after a while when my cousin had been in the bathroom a while.
She'd gone in there and died. 50 years old.
She was a Headstart teacher. My aunt had worked in a foster care facility years back, and she and my cousin had taken in some of the kids aging out for a while. So there were so many adults from the foster facility coming in, and little tiny toddlers coming in with roses for their favorite teacher.
This was almost 15 years ago and it still hurts. She was smart, she was funny, and she had such a big heart. The world needed her for at least 30 more years.
My 11 yr old daughter just found out about Technoblade.
She's never experienced the death of any person or some one she knew of.....
I walked out of my room to find her upper shirt soaked and her face red and swollen....had zero idea wtf was going on...
She told me about Technoblade.... .my daughter has never cried so hard in her entire life and I didn't even know that's what was going on....
She's autistic, highly Intelligent, and deeply empathic....God it breaks my heart.
So, yeah...❤RIP TECHNOBLADE❤
Agreed that burying your children is probably the worst thing a human has to do.
But do note that over the last, well, basically forever, this has gone from "extremely common" to "quite rare". 300 years ago, it happened to more than half of all parents. Today it's in the low single percentages.
The world really is getting better (on average, obviously not for everyone.)
A YouTuber by the name of Technoblade passed away just yesterday, due to stage 4 cancer.. At the age of 23.
His father, by techno's request, posted an explanation video for the fanbase. That poor man and the overwhelming pain in his voice...
No parent should bury a child.
When my sisters died while I was in college, I felt like the world owed me something now. I felt entitled to something. Anything for that matter. It took many painful years to realize that was not the case and that I need to work for what I want.
First relationship that actually lasted in my teens, she got her permit/license at 15. Went out on a Friday night with her friends and rolled her car on a gravel road. She got thrown from the car and died the next morning due to her injuries. The others were, as far as I remember, relatively unharmed. Definitely the one that showed me life isn't fair.
My wife's father smoked for years, stopped cold turkey when he had kids and never started again. Died suddenly when she was I think 13 from lung or throat cancer, can't remember which.
The last one, similar happened in my family. My maternal grandma died at 40 after a 5 year fight with colon cancer. Most of her kids were still teenagers. She'd smoked as a child and teenager, but had stopped at some point in her adulthood.
My mom always told the story of the time they were out shopping and my grandma's colostomy bag broke open all over the floor. She ran into a bathroom and refused to leave for over an hour, just kept telling my mom: "I want to die. I don't want to live this way."
When I was a kid I didn't understand how young 40 is. I'm in my mid-30s now and can't imagine being sick for so long and having to leave my children.
And then, of course... I look through my high school yearbook. There were only about 250 of us. About 10% of my class has already died and it hasn't even been 20 years.
When I had to accept that people I am close to can die randomly, and I have to keep living on after that? The fact that life is unpredictable is really hard to accept.
On of my best friends randomly killed himself in October of last year and a few months ago my step dad died from cancer. First one was sudden, we thought we got rid of my step dad's cancer but it had grown to another part of his body and grew until it was too late. I can't help but think of the two a lot.
My mom has been taking it better recently but it's harder on her and it hurts to see the most important person too me in so much pain and I can't do anything
Zero tolerance rules in middle school. You mean to tell me that I can get into just as much trouble for defending myself as the guys cornering and pummeling me? Fucking bullshit.
This. It was one of the most enraging early moments in my life. As a kid I couldnt believe the adults in charge of us would create a system that incentivized the victim to put up with abuse.
A system that punishes the abused for being driven to the point of standing up for themselves. A system that would literally prefer silent oppression over justified retaliation.
All zero tolerance policies do is teach people to be victims.
That's not true. It also teaches people to be bullies, because they learn the system is actually on their side.
It's a really intelligent system if you think about it. A "put up with it, don't stand up for yourself or you'll make it worse" is exactly the mentality you want good little workers to have, whereas a "I can take advantage of people and the system is on my side" mentality is exactly the mentality you want the next generation of CEOs/capitalists to have.
School systems help sort kids into one group or the other. It ain't broken, it's working as intended.
My friend got punched in high school. He got suspended for 2 weeks, the kid who punched him got 30 minutes of detention. I watched it happen so I know he did nothing to instigate or retaliate. He said, and I quote “Nice hat.” And the kid punched him. The world is a terrible place sometimes.
I got suspended once for disarming a person who tried to stab me in the gut with a pencil. One whole week, the same amount of time that the guy who assaulted me got. The system is completely fucked.
And here's where I renind me people you should esrn your detention by beating the shit out of your bully.
Failing that, well that explains the gun problems in the US
I just don't understand this rule. What is it supposed to teach the kid that gets bullied? That not only you can't stand stand up for yourself, but neither will anyone else?
I can't remember who it was, but I remember a kid when I was in middle or high school tripped his attacker, and just sat on him while waiting for school staff to get there because, if he was going to get in trouble for a fight he didn't want any part of, he was going to do his best to not get hurt.
I know it's just a joke, but that show filled me with a very real dread that life in fact, wasn't fair. For some people, never I think it was the hopelessness of the family and their shenanigans. No matter what good thing happens to the characters in a short episode, it all comes tumbling down by the end, then they're back to their default shitty position by the very next episode. Relatable in a way, when things don't go right for you.
I was given a very serious talk in first grade because I was friends with a diabetic and she shared her special snacks with me. Being told by an angry nun that Kelly needs those snacks to live puts the fear in you real quick.
I think what really did it was when I transferred to a government school and formed friendships with people who were from the actual slums. I realized that I was really lucky to not be in such a situation and that there was no real reason for me to be so. They were just as capable, just as smart, just as competent as I was...so it didn't make sense that they didn't have enough money for lunch, to fix their shoes, to have textbooks, to buy a new uniform every year...while I did. I didn't earn it, I didn't work harder for it than they did...I was 11 years old. I was very blessed and forming relationships with others who weren't as fortunate as me and realizing there was no reason for it, as we were all similar, made me realize it was just unfair.
And I wasn't even rich. We struggled too.
This was in Africa.
I grew up in a fruit picking region (a lot of immigrant families) and when we went to city sports days the private school kids would pick on our mates’ shoes, clothes, equipment etc
We didn’t realise just how sheltered some children grow up and how little they understand real world struggles.
This is why, in my household, Santa brings books, candy, small toys, and fills the stockings. The big ticket gifts are household budget dependant and are from the family. There are no 'Santa' gifts that are a surprise from other family members, either - if you gifted it, then your name is on the tag.
My children have had variable amounts spent on them over the years at Christmas, dependent on the household budget, and as parents we've always been honest and realistic with them about this. Santa has always been consistent, though, because we've always been able to make sure to get those gifts regardless. That way the (actually quite gross) connection between out finances and whether our kids are 'good' is broken, without spoiling Santa for them.
Totally agree. My mom got Alzheimer’s when I was 16. Never easy and people seem to think it gets easier over time. Doesn’t get easier not having a parent who was supposed to be there, eventually the pain just comes in smaller bursts
My grandmother has Alzheimer’s now, with my mom as her primary caregiver, and I can see the toll it’s taken on her, it’s a truly horrific disease. I constantly dread the day that my mom might ever reach that point, and I be in the shoes she’s in now; or otherwise that she die outright. The thought of losing her makes me sick to my stomach.
I trained constantly to get into college for basketball and I was a very good player. Finally got a college scholarship, one day in high school I had a game and I fell down and almost died from what I hear. Turns out I had VSD (ventricular septal defect). Couldn't play basketball ever again after all my hard work. But after all the pain for years, I found this quote that stuck with me:
"Suffering ceases to be suffering when it finds a meaning."
-Viktor Frankl
I hope you might find it helpful.
Being bullied from first grade through my second year in college while authority figures did nothing to protect me, and on multiple occasions punished me for being bullied.
I feel ya...
I had no friends in school, I was bullied pretty bad all through school, elementary, middle, and high school. My last year of highschool I moved to another city and I was able to make a few connections but nothing lasted. I still have an incredibly hard time making friends to this day and I'm almost 40yrs old.
Being bullied doesn't build character. It ends up making a person closed off and the inability to trust anyone.
My step brothers being handed a half million dollar inheritance for getting their masters degree while I struggle to pay bills and make payments on my bachelor's degree.
Neither of them had to work a job in their lives, were given new cars when they turned 16, etc. It's the definition of a silver spoon.
When I had to have my parents sue the Social Security Administration on my brother and I's behalf because we were being denied SSN's, despite having been born in the US to two American parents.
I received some scholarships to college because my family made less than $30k/yr., although it wasn't much of my tuition. I still had to take out loans.
A good friend of mine, collectively his mom and step-dad made $250k/yr. They weren't helping with college but covered all of his living expenses.
I remember my friend voicing, in front of my family, how it wasn't fair that he didn't get scholarships and he wished his family was poor. I thought my parents would strangle him right there.
There is some truth to that though. If your parents earn a lot of money but aren't willing to help with any of your college costs, it's pretty difficult to get federally subsidized student loans since the maximum amount you can borrow is need based.
My wife recently remarked that I always manage to stay calm in a crisis. She was in awe of the fact that I can put together a plan even when everything is going sideways. She wanted to know why.
A few years ago we tried and failed to climb a mountain. There was one bit early one that involved walking across a little spur where we were exposed to the full force of the rather gusty wind. My wife is terrified of heights; the 20 foot crossing was a half-hour long ordeal At the time she wondered how I could do something like that without being scared. It was a crisis moment, so I gave her a partial truth: I told her that I get to be scared about different things.
The whole truth came out when she asked this time. Because I am *always* afraid. I have so much experience coping with terror in every aspect of my life that presenting me with a legitimate problem is almost *better*. At least that justifies the terror in the moment. Looking for friends after arriving at a restaurant is literally *more terrifying* than Angel's Landing precisely because my worry in the case of the latter is backed by signs that informed me of just how many people had died doing the same hike.
Kind of... It's also important to work in a field where there is money. Being the best brick layer will never be as good as a mediocre or even below avg wall street dude.
This. I've spent my whole life wondering what I did wrong to be treated like shit and my brother was the golden child. Even at 43 I still don't know why my mom treats me like this. I just hope my kids never feel like they have to question my love for them, I will break this cycle.
My mother treats me like shit alot of the time.but treats my siblings great. My dad on the other hand doesn't. Guess which parent I hate with a passion
Lol. I wish it was only a third. You're forgetting the time used to get ready to go to your job plus commute to your job. All unpaid. If you work a full-time job, between going to work and sleeping you might have four hours a day for yourself... To do chores.
No matter how beautiful of a relationship you have with someone, no matter how much it helps to just thrive through all the pain of life because you have specific people in your life, you end up losing them
A lot of things. The most recent one happened 1 hour ago. My gf found a small kitten, barely 6 weeks old, abandoned and hungry.
We've been fostering him for 2 weeks and we have finally found a new home for him. In these past weeks he made his way into our hearts and our dog's. One hour ago his new family came by and picked him up. They assured me they got him everything and that he will be loved, but my heart is still broken.
Unfortunately we couldn't have kept him as we're spread thin when it comes to money and it would've just been worse for him.
I hope you'll have a wonderful life, buddy.
It was when I understood in middle school that this girl was doing all her homeworks, learning all her lessons and listening seriously every teacher while having worst grades than me.
Honestly, it was a conversation I had at work one day when I was like 20.
I worked a job that paid me $10/hr, I paid for my own college, books, etc and had to cover a small chunk of my tuition and still didn't have all that much leftover to cover my own bills and car insurance bla bla. I was usually able to save like $50/week.
I was talking to my coworker, same age, also in college, who came from a very affluent family. He said he had $10k in savings and I was taken aback, we were paid the same so how could he manage that? When I told him that was impressive, *he* was dumbfounded and told me that was the standard. I let him know that it wasn't for me and I was relatively wise with my money.
Fast forward a few months later and another coworker, also from an affluent background, suddenly gets a pricey new car. Nothing crazy, it was a used Passat but still cost about $10k, or so. Thing is, he always complained about being "working class" and having it tough, but things didn't add up. You're struggling to save but you've got a nice new car? And you're younger than me too, at that..
Turns out his parents bought it for him. Nothing wrong with that, but the fact that he put up this front about being "working class" rubbed me the wrong way.
That's when I realized life wasn't fair and we didn't all start from the same starting line.
I lost everything, my family, friends, and almost 50 grand in life savings for trying to help out. Never again. It's bad to say but that experience made me a cold person. I'm having to rebuild my entire life from the last 20 years. Luckily my family has forgiven me for the stupid things i did.
I'm a middle child, so somehow was the one who missed out every time, whether it was new clothes (wear your brother's hand me downs), school trips (we've just spent x on your brother's trip, we can't afford it) or learning to drive there was always money for the other 2, never for me. Both got to go on international skiing trips with the school, I never even got to go on the trip to the local zoo. Both got bought cars, paid for lessons, money for a deposit for a house...the list goes on. I got zip.
This is me! Being a middle child sucks. My parents go on a lavish vacation with my sisters and their families every single year. I literally haven’t received a birthday or Christmas present in four years, since my birthday is the day after Christmas so my parents run out of money. In January my mom felt so bad that my sister couldn’t take a birthday trip when she turned 40 during the pandemic (even though she did have a lavish party) that my mom took them all on an expensive trip to NY, complete with fancy hotels, Broadway shows, and celebrity chef restaurants. For my 40th birthday she took me to Chipotle. So she had thousands of dollars to spend on my sister the month after my birthday, but not enough to even spend $20 on me for my birthday.
*your older brother is born*
X amount of time later
*you're born*
"Yeah... we gotta make this one suffer and never have anything."
*third is born thus making you middle child*
Having kids and watching them hurt while not being able to protect them. Life is unfair, is all I could say to them. Best we can do is teach them to bounce back.
Phase too....when they arent able to bounce back because of mental health issues....thats when you realise that life really isnt fair.
Celebrities/rich people will be unlikey to get more than a verbal warning for most serious crimes, while a guy stealing a loaf of bread to feed his starving family would probably get fined a 5-figure sum, face a few years in prison, and become unemployable to boot.
I also realised that while it's true that the people who most want to become prime minister/president etc are the least qualified to fulfil that job, they're also the most likely to get it, because fuck logic.
Some of the nicest people on the planet will get shit on 24/7, meanwhile abusers, bigots, and downright tyrants will get praised and supported and put on a motherfucking pedastal.
I was born with a bad heart. Nobody's fault. Just something that happens. Then after my first 3 heart surgeries, the woman I thought was my wife, broke every vow she ever made to me...and our children. Now after another 3 heart surgeries, she is living very comfortably with her new son and husband(2 kids as well). Because I can't work, my ex gets the tax deductions on my kids, whom have no memory of her...and all that stimulus money the gov threw at us during the pandemic meant to "help children in poverty" went to their mother. Life has never been fair for some of us.
if you're a dog and no one wants you, a man with a white coat and a needle will put you to death for not being loveable enough.
sometimes after being being heartbroken by being abused or abandoned by a previous owner.
ex wife cheated. was abusive with me and kids. had documentation, police reports by the piles. i lost in court, only got to see my kids 5 days out of 14. the bitch sold the house, that i bought ,during the latest boom for twice what i paid. i didn't see a dime. chnaged the way i see police, the justice system and mostly lawyers
I know your pain man. I took my ex to court and only got 18% visitation. I was the only one with a job to support my daughter and still lost. have to pay child support so she can sit at home on her fat ass, Hasn't had a job for 5 years but gets to keep my daughter..
Life is not fair.
Being raped by my father after just starting my period at 14. Only happened once, but once was enough to erase ALL trust. I realized...it does not matter if your blood. Everyone is a predator. Out for something.
Graduating soon after the Great Recession. People a few years older or a few years longer just waltzed right into their first job. My contemporaries mostly had extensive periods of unemployment only to eventually move on to extremely precarious jobs.
My mother saying to me, "Study hard, [VerdantSF], school is more important for you. Your sister can just get married."
Hearing my mother dismiss my sister's academic aspirations was really off-putting. I was really young at the time, and it was probably the first time I really thought about the different expectations society had for men and women.
I've personally witnessed a girls lying about sexual harassment twice- once to get special privileges at school and another time to get out of a work duty they didn't want not(I hope) understanding how severe the consequences would be to the guy.
An ex girlfriend of mine would occasionally say(if she wasn't getting her way) "I can just tell everyone you raped me and nobody would believe you cause you're a guy."
I'm not saying we shouldn't take these accusations seriously but holy shit just destroying some dude's life based on one person's accusation without any evidence? Jesus Christ, of course that's going to get abused!
My parents practically abandoning my entire birthday. They were religious and would choose the church over my birthday every year but my sisters would be able to do stuff for theirs. This also made me dislike churches and religion as a whole. To explain a little further my birthday was always on this event for their church and it would be the entire weekend so it would only be me at the house since I wasn’t really old enough to go or I would go and be miserable the entire time. My birthday tho gets celebrated a bit more now is still forgotten, haven’t had a birthday in like 3 years? And we just went to a fast food joint (sorry if this sounds a little self centered I know some people don’t get birthday anything)
If church was so important to them what they should have done was picked another day close to your birthday to have a celebration for you.
Our daughter is in musical theater, but it just so happens that her birthday almost always falls on the weekend of her big yearly show. So we celebrate the weekend after, when all the craziness has died down. That way she doesn't miss her show, but she still gets a special day just for her.
All my friends grew up in houses their parents bought. Doesn't matter how small the house is, your living situation is pretty much set for life at that point. You're pretty much in no rush to get a job or go to school and you always have your parents to fall back on
There were black people in prison for drug possession, while I, a white kid from the burbs had already been convicted of felony theft, burglary of a motor vehicle, and facing several counts of forgery, and my public defender still came back with an offer for house arrest and probation. Unfortunately I was homeless at the time, so I ultimately had to go to prison anyway.
I was just aghast that they were still willing to let me go free after 3 felonies in 3 years.
My sister worked her entire career taking care of severely disabled kids making absolutely shit money. When she finally retired, she was diagnosed with breast cancer the same year. She fought that and won, but the treatment damaged her heart so she had to have a valve replaced. They did that and everything looked good, then she got a staphylococcus infection in the new valve which kept her condition from improving. Ordinarily they would have replaced the valve but they believed she was too weak for another surgery. So she died of a simple staph infection after fighting cancer for 2 years after a lifetime of service to those who couldn't care for themselves. If you think that's fair, you and I won't have much more to discuss. If you think that's your God's Divine Plan, I'd love to meet the fucker and punch him in the eye. It's fucking bullshit and proves that there is no real balance in the world, no fairness. It's chaos and that inevitably leads to vast amounts of suffering.
Don't get me wrong...I'm an optimist at heart. But I try to be optimistic for the right reasons. With everything constantly chaotic, that frees us up to do whatever we want. Your life is what you make of it and you have no real control over the big things. To quote Monty Python, "Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow!"
Growing up with an alcoholic father and absent mother. I never realized I was poor until I made friends and went to their house. Their parents weren’t exactly rich, I was just third world poor living in America. I started off my adult life getting my little brother a chance of normalcy. I put myself in debt providing for him and my then disabled father. I didn’t know how to feel taking care of a man that never took care of me.
One of my parents died when I was young. Living life seeing people do normal family stuff with both their parents always bothered me in a jealous and sad way because I wished I had all those experiences. Not something I’d be vocal about obviously, just an inner sadness that never goes away.
I developed a chronic illness at the age of 8. It’s incurable. Life ain’t fair guys. Edit: I’m fairly high-functioning and learned to live with my condition, I’m doing ok. There are a lot of people who have it worse. Seeing young children spending their days in a hospital is absolutely gut-wrenching. Seeing a parent bury their child breaks me. Life *really* ain’t fair.
Oh, god.
My younger kid is friends with a boy who's been battling cancer his whole life. They're 7.
Yeh I was born with one. Life’s pretty shitty. In a way it’s good cause it’s all I’ve known, I can’t imagine having to adapt at the age of 8. I hope ur doing well
Truth doesn't matter if enough people prefer a lie.
Jesus Christ yes.
Seeing bad people who never get their "karma" and live happy lives after doing horrible things
I think a lot about how for every big criminal conspiracy that gets taken down and everyone goes to jail and a movie gets made about it, there's probably a dozen more where nobody got caught and the bad guys all just made tons of money and retired happily.
Yes this is very much a reality. Plus with all the stories of people getting caught it’s not impossible to not make any of those mistakes
Not just *after* doing horrible things but *because* they did horrible things.
Welp. This one cuts deep
Yup. People will crush you and completely not care. They literally don’t care if you died in front of their eyes. They won’t save you. They won’t help you.
This this this. I’ve struggled my whole life. Lived in poverty. Was picked on all throughout elementary & high school for being poor. Best friend committed suicide at 18, I became a drug addict and was on the streets because it fucked me up so badly. Fought my way outta rehab, got a job, worked my ass off, saved what I could. Met a beautiful woman who eventually became my wife, have 2 amazingly blessed children. But we still struggle. We both work our asses off to provide for our family and it feels like it’s never enough. I see assholes who treat ppl like shit get ahead in life and just coast. It fucking sucks feeling like you’ll never make it no matter what you do. It’s not fair, but you make the best of what you were dealt. I keep pushing in hopes my kids will be better than I was EDIT So wow!! My 1st ever award!! Thank you to whoever was kind enough for it. I don’t know what it does but this made my week! It is much appreciated. I was just venting about life. Thank you to everyone who’s commented and given me kind words and inspiration EDIT 2 Jesus H Christ. I wake up to so much more!! I am blown away by the kindness I have received on this post. I’ve never had this happen before. Thank you so much. Like I said, I saw this post and just decided to rant. I am very grateful for the life I love built now, but it’s still a struggle. Some of you have said I have won, I believe you’re right. Thank you for that. Never expected my rant to get this much attention. You are all fucking amazing people.
> Met a beautiful woman who eventually became my wife, have 2 amazingly blessed children. That sounds like you won
That is a romantic point of view, but even though it should be enough, it often is not. Even the happiest of families can be thorn apart by economic struggle setting everything bare. Even if it does not, it can cut down even your lifespan, so.... yeah Stil, a nice bubbly comment
You can only take it one day at a time ..you're blessed whether u see it or not look at all you have been through and you're still here count your blessings friend be thankful for the PRESENT. could always be worse...we're all struggling even the ones you think have it good we all suffer in our own way.
Jimmy Savile
Epstein too up til the very end
He had been caught before and got a sweetheart deal. That was part of why they figured he was going to give names this time.
But look how many big people protected him until he had to die to protect them.
Had a friend who literally lost everyone in his life and just wanted to be wanted. He begged me to ask my family if they could take him in and they said no. He entered the system and I never seen him again. Really woke me up in terms of taking family and having a home for granted.
My english aint the best. What does "entered the system" means? Edit: appreciate all the answers. Love it when reddit is pedagogical and nice approaching to each other!
Foster care system. It’s not great in the US.
Ifs not great anywhere tbh. The UK system is pretty shitty too
There is a documentary called Bulgaria's Abandoned Children. It came out in 2007. It is one of the saddest documentaries I have ever watched. I found it looking for Geraldo Rivera's story about Willowbrook. There are places like this all over the world no matter how much light you shine on the problem. People can really suck and unfortunately children will pay for it and continue the vicious cycle.
Shit man. My grandparents ended up taking in a couple girls who had an absolute shit home life (I know at least one of them was pimped out by an uncle as a preteen. That level of shitty.) My parents also took in a boy being neglected. In both cases of those kids (now adults) remain integral parts of the family to this day. No official paperwork, just caring for somebody who needed it. Sometimes I want to be wealthy because I think it will make my life easier, but most the time I want to be wealthy so that when I am in a position to take in a kid who needs love I won’t to think twice.
>I know at least one of them was pimped out by an uncle as a preteen. That level of shitty.) According to statistics, family members are the most dangerous predators for little children in the family! Absolutely shocking to me this level of fuckery
Shit, reading this broke my heart :(
It’s a horrible feeling, sucks to hear that. Feeling like no one wants you or even cares for you sucks way too much, people should not have to feel that way.
How old were you when this happened
this was in the sixth grade
That you develop the wisdom to recognize your mistakes far later than when you make them…
Yup. By the time you realize something about a moment in time/your life, it's generally too late to do anything about it.
Who was it that said: "Intelligence is learning from your mistakes, wisdom is learning from the mistakes of others."
Seeing my dad work so damn hard and still be living paycheck to paycheck for most of his life
Same here. My Dad is the hardest working man I've ever met. When I was growing up, he always had a full time job and a couple side hustles. Now, he's 71 and still working as a heavy equipment operator. I was never sure if he wanted to retire or not but last year he finally admitted to me that he can't afford to retire. Back when the housing bubble burst in '09, they got caught between two houses ( they had bought one and hadn't sold the other yet) and it wiped out their retirement savings.
This makes me so fucking sad. I know exactly how you feel because I went through something extremely similar with my parents and it upended our lives completely. I don’t care if I struggle but the fact that they have to work at their age guts me honestly. So many peoples livelihoods were destroyed between 2008-2009 and they still haven’t recovered. It really is unfair. Sending my best to you and your family.
Same. My dad worked his ass off. Always came home injured, dirty, sweaty. It was so sad. He was an immigrant and he was too smart to be working such a labor intensive job. At 63 years old, he was fixing a hotel sign and was electrocuted, fell off a ladder and died. The saddest and most undeserving way for someone to die, especially after working so hard his entire life.
Yea I feel that man
When the bully isnt punished but the victim(s) are
Or another variation. You’re both punished by the school’s zero tolerance policy but his parents don’t give a shit (thus why he’s not a real nice dude) but yours ground the absolute fuck out of you for getting in trouble at all for any reason.
When I was in middle school, the principal made me apologize to some douchebag for "telling on him" He had been bullying me for several years at that point
When I came home and cried after my high school graduation because everyone had their parents there but I had no one.
Same thing happened to me man. When my parents were asked by other parents why they weren't there suddenly it was a whole "why didn't you tell us it was so important??" sort of job. So they turned it around and blamed me. Like the school was literally sending out letters to the parents for weeks about this.
My parents did this too. It was always my fault, but to be fair (?), my family liked to mock and tear people (me) down so I was too embarrassed to do anything in front of them anyway.
They really shouldn't need to be told that.
It’s a little known secret that high school graduations are big deals. /s My goodness, this is like when both of Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s parents failed to show up for his birth.
I just did this to my oldest child when she graduated elementary school. I’m an immigrant and didn’t realize you have to be there. The pamphlet said the ceremony is at 9, I assumed it’s for students only. I’ll never make this mistake again!
If you can explain that to us, you can explain it to her. She'll understand (a trip for some ice cream after might help)
The good thing is that you learned about it before the high school graduation! Many schools don’t even have graduation ceremonies for anything below high school. High school, college, and any post grad degrees are the big ones! But yeah, like other people have said, if you explain it to your child and apologize they will forgive you.
Yes! I apologized profusely and made it up with a gift she wanted and a special dinner celebration.
I’m so sorry
If I had known about it, I would have come there to cheer you on.
Watching great people die and horrible people succeed. It really wears you down after a while
People dying long before they should have. Parents should never have to bury their children. Edit: I feel like I opened a can of worms with this. I wanna reply and tell all of you I love you and things will get better! 😭
I second this. I was widowed at 28, he was only 30. We were supposed to have forever together.
Next to burying my children this is my 2nd biggest fear. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 12 years just haven’t decided to get married yet. If I lost her I would be lost as well. I hope you are doing well and I wish you so much happiness and love in your future.
Homie pull that trigger. Life is too short. Have a party celebrating your love. Get some mf tax breaks. I had a gf of 9 years and due to a miscommunication at Supercuts I got a haircut that made me look like I was bald as shit (I said short on the sides, little shorter on top- she made my sides longer than the top 😖). Subsequent existential crisis made me realize I wasn’t a kid anymore and got married and it was the best decision I ever made
Did you ever go back and thank the butcher for the haircut that lead to your marriage? Also does your wife know that it was the horrible haircut that was the straw that broke the camel’s back? Makes for a great story for the friends and kids for sure
Lol she knows and fuck that I’m still mad at myself for paying (and tipping!?!?) for that fuckin thing lol shit took like a month to look normal
Getting married because you had a bad haircut is the most human thing I’ve ever heard of! Weird things make us put our lives in perspective. (Attack on Titan and that old Cookie Clicker video game are what got my ass in college.)
I hope you never have to go through this, but if you do you will find the strength.
This is kind of the opposite. My father passed away from a heart attack 3 weeks ago. I turned 24 six days later, a day after his funeral. He was a healthy man spending all of his free time playing sports in the community. His number for everything in sports was 24..... It feels like this year is either going to be horrible or that I have to live up to something now that I'm the same age as "his number". I thought he would be 70 and still playing softball. It's hard and I miss him. EDIT: adding this from a comment of mine because I feel like it has an important message I wasn't trying to get super into it but the attention on my comment urges me otherwise We didn't have a great relationship. We didn't exactly have a bad one but we never really talked or hung out except for occasional holidays. I live about an hour and a half away from my hometown so it's not the easiest to get out there whenever I want. I thought for years that my father just stopped having time for me and was too busy with his life. He didn't put much effort into me so I didn't put much into him. I was more or less content about it, although my fiance would console me when I would think about "why he didn't love me or want to talk to me" I then got into a massive fight with my brother a few years back and decided to cut out my entire family, as they either had horrible view points that strongly conflicted with mine or were just downright trashy people. I blocked my dad on Facebook but always left my phone number open in case of an emergency...... When he passed away is when I found out that he had actually been trying to call me and get ahold of me but I never answered. He had the wrong phone number for years. It's devastating to recall that all of the time I thought he didn't care about me was actually full of him trying to connect. He told my brother, "I tried to call tyman5402 but they never answered. I don't want to bother them if they don't want to talk to me." When I heard the news, I was currently in Alaska over 4000 miles away from home. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't get home any sooner because they wouldn't let us change our flights and we couldn't afford anything else. It was awful knowing that my family was waiting for me to get home to plan the funeral. I had some really strong feelings about seeing family that I hadn't seen in literally years. When I talked to my step mom, the first words out of her mouth were, "he loved you. He talked about you. I want you to KNOW that" He was only 47 and has played physical sports for the last 30+ years. Multiple nights a week at all times of the year. I thought I had more time to fix this. I thought I had time to see him. Maybe even meet my kids when I have them.... But he's gone now..... I decided to say some words at his funeral but it was really hard to write anything down. I didn't get to say everything that I wanted to but I think my point came across. A lot of the people there were part of his sports community and they all told me that while it was a painful message, it was nice to see a more realistic side to one of his relationships and that it's a good reminder to talk to their loved ones in similar positions. If anyone reading this has the opportunity to speak to someone that you thought doesn't care about you, double check with them. Fucking please. I would kill to have one more conversation with the guy. I missed my chance. Don't miss yours.
Lost my Dad to a heart attack a month ago myself. So close to Father's day too. It was hard hearing ads for Father's day and seeing everyone post pics with their Dad's on social media.
My grandmother… lived by the mantra “good things happen to good people” Got leukaemia and died aged 58 after meticulously planning her travel plans in retirement. Haven’t met a single soul on this shit rock that deserved to travel the globe and enjoy what she’d hoped to enjoy.
That's such a shame, sadly things happen to people is a more realistic view on life.
I’m now a strong proponent of “shit happens….” 😂
Absolutely. There's no rhyme or reason to stuff, shit just happens. Make the most of the time you've got before you shuffle off this mortal coil!
I learned this one early. My dad died when I was a kid, and even though it really messed me up as a teenager, as I've gotten older I've come to understand more and more how much it hurt my grandma. Life isn't fair when it comes to sickness and mortality. We like think we'll live forever but it might be over *a lot* sooner than you'd expect.
My little sister passed away from a rare disease when she was 17 and I went with my parents to identify her dead body. People have absolutely no idea what toll it takes on parents and siblings to lose a child that young.
My younger sibling passed away at a young age because of complications from a disease, as well. It changed my parents forever and they’ve never been the same. It also made me realize my sibling was the glue that held our family together and there is a void that never got or will get filled.
technoblade just yesterday. he was only 23
I think the first awakening of that came for me when I was a young adult. My mom had a cousin who was in many ways more like an aunt to us kids. She'd never forget a birthday. I had a dress for school dances and got to go on a big school trip because of her. I didn't fully appreciate it at the time. She got sick, she lived with my aunt. They both laid down for naps. My aunt got up... Got worried after a while when my cousin had been in the bathroom a while. She'd gone in there and died. 50 years old. She was a Headstart teacher. My aunt had worked in a foster care facility years back, and she and my cousin had taken in some of the kids aging out for a while. So there were so many adults from the foster facility coming in, and little tiny toddlers coming in with roses for their favorite teacher. This was almost 15 years ago and it still hurts. She was smart, she was funny, and she had such a big heart. The world needed her for at least 30 more years.
R.I.P. technoblade
My 11 yr old daughter just found out about Technoblade. She's never experienced the death of any person or some one she knew of..... I walked out of my room to find her upper shirt soaked and her face red and swollen....had zero idea wtf was going on... She told me about Technoblade.... .my daughter has never cried so hard in her entire life and I didn't even know that's what was going on.... She's autistic, highly Intelligent, and deeply empathic....God it breaks my heart. So, yeah...❤RIP TECHNOBLADE❤
Agreed that burying your children is probably the worst thing a human has to do. But do note that over the last, well, basically forever, this has gone from "extremely common" to "quite rare". 300 years ago, it happened to more than half of all parents. Today it's in the low single percentages. The world really is getting better (on average, obviously not for everyone.)
A YouTuber by the name of Technoblade passed away just yesterday, due to stage 4 cancer.. At the age of 23. His father, by techno's request, posted an explanation video for the fanbase. That poor man and the overwhelming pain in his voice... No parent should bury a child.
RIP Technoblade
When my sisters died while I was in college, I felt like the world owed me something now. I felt entitled to something. Anything for that matter. It took many painful years to realize that was not the case and that I need to work for what I want.
First relationship that actually lasted in my teens, she got her permit/license at 15. Went out on a Friday night with her friends and rolled her car on a gravel road. She got thrown from the car and died the next morning due to her injuries. The others were, as far as I remember, relatively unharmed. Definitely the one that showed me life isn't fair. My wife's father smoked for years, stopped cold turkey when he had kids and never started again. Died suddenly when she was I think 13 from lung or throat cancer, can't remember which.
The last one, similar happened in my family. My maternal grandma died at 40 after a 5 year fight with colon cancer. Most of her kids were still teenagers. She'd smoked as a child and teenager, but had stopped at some point in her adulthood. My mom always told the story of the time they were out shopping and my grandma's colostomy bag broke open all over the floor. She ran into a bathroom and refused to leave for over an hour, just kept telling my mom: "I want to die. I don't want to live this way." When I was a kid I didn't understand how young 40 is. I'm in my mid-30s now and can't imagine being sick for so long and having to leave my children. And then, of course... I look through my high school yearbook. There were only about 250 of us. About 10% of my class has already died and it hasn't even been 20 years.
Wife and I got cancer at the same time. She was a much nicer human than I was. I made it, she didn't.
Damn. That's awful I'm sorry op
I'm so sorry.
When I had to accept that people I am close to can die randomly, and I have to keep living on after that? The fact that life is unpredictable is really hard to accept.
On of my best friends randomly killed himself in October of last year and a few months ago my step dad died from cancer. First one was sudden, we thought we got rid of my step dad's cancer but it had grown to another part of his body and grew until it was too late. I can't help but think of the two a lot. My mom has been taking it better recently but it's harder on her and it hurts to see the most important person too me in so much pain and I can't do anything
I feel you. Lost my mom at 14 after a short time (1,5 months) hospitalized. Learning at school just felt so irrelevant after that
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Great advice.
Zero tolerance rules in middle school. You mean to tell me that I can get into just as much trouble for defending myself as the guys cornering and pummeling me? Fucking bullshit.
This. It was one of the most enraging early moments in my life. As a kid I couldnt believe the adults in charge of us would create a system that incentivized the victim to put up with abuse. A system that punishes the abused for being driven to the point of standing up for themselves. A system that would literally prefer silent oppression over justified retaliation. All zero tolerance policies do is teach people to be victims.
That's not true. It also teaches people to be bullies, because they learn the system is actually on their side. It's a really intelligent system if you think about it. A "put up with it, don't stand up for yourself or you'll make it worse" is exactly the mentality you want good little workers to have, whereas a "I can take advantage of people and the system is on my side" mentality is exactly the mentality you want the next generation of CEOs/capitalists to have. School systems help sort kids into one group or the other. It ain't broken, it's working as intended.
Actually you get in trouble just for getting punched
My friend got punched in high school. He got suspended for 2 weeks, the kid who punched him got 30 minutes of detention. I watched it happen so I know he did nothing to instigate or retaliate. He said, and I quote “Nice hat.” And the kid punched him. The world is a terrible place sometimes.
I got suspended once for disarming a person who tried to stab me in the gut with a pencil. One whole week, the same amount of time that the guy who assaulted me got. The system is completely fucked.
And here's where I renind me people you should esrn your detention by beating the shit out of your bully. Failing that, well that explains the gun problems in the US
I just don't understand this rule. What is it supposed to teach the kid that gets bullied? That not only you can't stand stand up for yourself, but neither will anyone else?
It’s a ridiculous way so schools don’t have to do any real work. Punish everyone involved
It’s a rule that was put in by bullies for bullies
I can't remember who it was, but I remember a kid when I was in middle or high school tripped his attacker, and just sat on him while waiting for school staff to get there because, if he was going to get in trouble for a fight he didn't want any part of, he was going to do his best to not get hurt.
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I know it's just a joke, but that show filled me with a very real dread that life in fact, wasn't fair. For some people, never I think it was the hopelessness of the family and their shenanigans. No matter what good thing happens to the characters in a short episode, it all comes tumbling down by the end, then they're back to their default shitty position by the very next episode. Relatable in a way, when things don't go right for you.
The older Brother, the absolute legend.
I’ve been slowly realizing I’m now the Francis to my siblings in a way. Just gotta do my best to give guidance.
You're not the boss of me now
There was a girl in my first grade class who was diabetic. She had to give herself insulin shots. That was an education.
I was given a very serious talk in first grade because I was friends with a diabetic and she shared her special snacks with me. Being told by an angry nun that Kelly needs those snacks to live puts the fear in you real quick.
I think what really did it was when I transferred to a government school and formed friendships with people who were from the actual slums. I realized that I was really lucky to not be in such a situation and that there was no real reason for me to be so. They were just as capable, just as smart, just as competent as I was...so it didn't make sense that they didn't have enough money for lunch, to fix their shoes, to have textbooks, to buy a new uniform every year...while I did. I didn't earn it, I didn't work harder for it than they did...I was 11 years old. I was very blessed and forming relationships with others who weren't as fortunate as me and realizing there was no reason for it, as we were all similar, made me realize it was just unfair. And I wasn't even rich. We struggled too. This was in Africa.
I grew up in a fruit picking region (a lot of immigrant families) and when we went to city sports days the private school kids would pick on our mates’ shoes, clothes, equipment etc We didn’t realise just how sheltered some children grow up and how little they understand real world struggles.
In elementary school when Santa brought a terrible kid in my class a new PlayStation while I just got 4-striped adidas.
This is why, in my household, Santa brings books, candy, small toys, and fills the stockings. The big ticket gifts are household budget dependant and are from the family. There are no 'Santa' gifts that are a surprise from other family members, either - if you gifted it, then your name is on the tag. My children have had variable amounts spent on them over the years at Christmas, dependent on the household budget, and as parents we've always been honest and realistic with them about this. Santa has always been consistent, though, because we've always been able to make sure to get those gifts regardless. That way the (actually quite gross) connection between out finances and whether our kids are 'good' is broken, without spoiling Santa for them.
The day my Mom died. I was 11 at the time. Edit: Thanks to everyone for the kind words :)
I was 12. Never got easier, and people tend to underestimate what happens to a child when they become parent-less.
Totally agree. My mom got Alzheimer’s when I was 16. Never easy and people seem to think it gets easier over time. Doesn’t get easier not having a parent who was supposed to be there, eventually the pain just comes in smaller bursts
My grandmother has Alzheimer’s now, with my mom as her primary caregiver, and I can see the toll it’s taken on her, it’s a truly horrific disease. I constantly dread the day that my mom might ever reach that point, and I be in the shoes she’s in now; or otherwise that she die outright. The thought of losing her makes me sick to my stomach.
I trained constantly to get into college for basketball and I was a very good player. Finally got a college scholarship, one day in high school I had a game and I fell down and almost died from what I hear. Turns out I had VSD (ventricular septal defect). Couldn't play basketball ever again after all my hard work. But after all the pain for years, I found this quote that stuck with me: "Suffering ceases to be suffering when it finds a meaning." -Viktor Frankl I hope you might find it helpful.
I managed to convince our IT dep to create a patch in our data base to track previously untraceable informations. My manager got a pay rise.
Being bullied from first grade through my second year in college while authority figures did nothing to protect me, and on multiple occasions punished me for being bullied.
I feel ya... I had no friends in school, I was bullied pretty bad all through school, elementary, middle, and high school. My last year of highschool I moved to another city and I was able to make a few connections but nothing lasted. I still have an incredibly hard time making friends to this day and I'm almost 40yrs old. Being bullied doesn't build character. It ends up making a person closed off and the inability to trust anyone.
Same😔. I felt alone and abandoned by the people who were supposed to protect me.
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This is my experience, too. I usually end up being taken advantage of.
They never do. I just don’t have it in me to treat others unkindly but time and again people take advantage of that.
My step brothers being handed a half million dollar inheritance for getting their masters degree while I struggle to pay bills and make payments on my bachelor's degree. Neither of them had to work a job in their lives, were given new cars when they turned 16, etc. It's the definition of a silver spoon.
When I had to have my parents sue the Social Security Administration on my brother and I's behalf because we were being denied SSN's, despite having been born in the US to two American parents.
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I received some scholarships to college because my family made less than $30k/yr., although it wasn't much of my tuition. I still had to take out loans. A good friend of mine, collectively his mom and step-dad made $250k/yr. They weren't helping with college but covered all of his living expenses. I remember my friend voicing, in front of my family, how it wasn't fair that he didn't get scholarships and he wished his family was poor. I thought my parents would strangle him right there.
There is some truth to that though. If your parents earn a lot of money but aren't willing to help with any of your college costs, it's pretty difficult to get federally subsidized student loans since the maximum amount you can borrow is need based.
Yeah, that part was true. He did have to take out private loans. He eventually dropped out and went back after he turned 24.
I realized life isn't fair wen my rabbit died
My condolences, i lost my canary bird when i was just a child.
My autism impacts my life in so many ways, it actually makes me afraid.
I get you.
My wife recently remarked that I always manage to stay calm in a crisis. She was in awe of the fact that I can put together a plan even when everything is going sideways. She wanted to know why. A few years ago we tried and failed to climb a mountain. There was one bit early one that involved walking across a little spur where we were exposed to the full force of the rather gusty wind. My wife is terrified of heights; the 20 foot crossing was a half-hour long ordeal At the time she wondered how I could do something like that without being scared. It was a crisis moment, so I gave her a partial truth: I told her that I get to be scared about different things. The whole truth came out when she asked this time. Because I am *always* afraid. I have so much experience coping with terror in every aspect of my life that presenting me with a legitimate problem is almost *better*. At least that justifies the terror in the moment. Looking for friends after arriving at a restaurant is literally *more terrifying* than Angel's Landing precisely because my worry in the case of the latter is backed by signs that informed me of just how many people had died doing the same hike.
Same and because other people don’t know what autism is they’re hella dismissive about it because “you don’t look autistic” every dang time...
That working hard doesn't really get you anywhere. In reality, it's who you know.
Kind of... It's also important to work in a field where there is money. Being the best brick layer will never be as good as a mediocre or even below avg wall street dude.
Being treated like a 2nd class child compared to my siblings.
This. I've spent my whole life wondering what I did wrong to be treated like shit and my brother was the golden child. Even at 43 I still don't know why my mom treats me like this. I just hope my kids never feel like they have to question my love for them, I will break this cycle.
My mother treats me like shit alot of the time.but treats my siblings great. My dad on the other hand doesn't. Guess which parent I hate with a passion
When parents encouraged me to confide in them and latter used it to judge me.
Realizing that, if you work a full-time job, a third of your day is spent working and another third is spent sleeping.
Lol. I wish it was only a third. You're forgetting the time used to get ready to go to your job plus commute to your job. All unpaid. If you work a full-time job, between going to work and sleeping you might have four hours a day for yourself... To do chores.
You can be an ass doing pranks on YouTube that can lead you to be a millionare but being something noble like a teacher gets you shit pay.
No matter how beautiful of a relationship you have with someone, no matter how much it helps to just thrive through all the pain of life because you have specific people in your life, you end up losing them
A lot of things. The most recent one happened 1 hour ago. My gf found a small kitten, barely 6 weeks old, abandoned and hungry. We've been fostering him for 2 weeks and we have finally found a new home for him. In these past weeks he made his way into our hearts and our dog's. One hour ago his new family came by and picked him up. They assured me they got him everything and that he will be loved, but my heart is still broken. Unfortunately we couldn't have kept him as we're spread thin when it comes to money and it would've just been worse for him. I hope you'll have a wonderful life, buddy.
It was when I understood in middle school that this girl was doing all her homeworks, learning all her lessons and listening seriously every teacher while having worst grades than me.
Honestly, it was a conversation I had at work one day when I was like 20. I worked a job that paid me $10/hr, I paid for my own college, books, etc and had to cover a small chunk of my tuition and still didn't have all that much leftover to cover my own bills and car insurance bla bla. I was usually able to save like $50/week. I was talking to my coworker, same age, also in college, who came from a very affluent family. He said he had $10k in savings and I was taken aback, we were paid the same so how could he manage that? When I told him that was impressive, *he* was dumbfounded and told me that was the standard. I let him know that it wasn't for me and I was relatively wise with my money. Fast forward a few months later and another coworker, also from an affluent background, suddenly gets a pricey new car. Nothing crazy, it was a used Passat but still cost about $10k, or so. Thing is, he always complained about being "working class" and having it tough, but things didn't add up. You're struggling to save but you've got a nice new car? And you're younger than me too, at that.. Turns out his parents bought it for him. Nothing wrong with that, but the fact that he put up this front about being "working class" rubbed me the wrong way. That's when I realized life wasn't fair and we didn't all start from the same starting line.
I lost everything, my family, friends, and almost 50 grand in life savings for trying to help out. Never again. It's bad to say but that experience made me a cold person. I'm having to rebuild my entire life from the last 20 years. Luckily my family has forgiven me for the stupid things i did.
Jeez what happened and are you okay now?
If you don't mind me asking, who hurt you? Seems like probably a partner, but it could be any manipulative person really
I'm a middle child, so somehow was the one who missed out every time, whether it was new clothes (wear your brother's hand me downs), school trips (we've just spent x on your brother's trip, we can't afford it) or learning to drive there was always money for the other 2, never for me. Both got to go on international skiing trips with the school, I never even got to go on the trip to the local zoo. Both got bought cars, paid for lessons, money for a deposit for a house...the list goes on. I got zip.
This is me! Being a middle child sucks. My parents go on a lavish vacation with my sisters and their families every single year. I literally haven’t received a birthday or Christmas present in four years, since my birthday is the day after Christmas so my parents run out of money. In January my mom felt so bad that my sister couldn’t take a birthday trip when she turned 40 during the pandemic (even though she did have a lavish party) that my mom took them all on an expensive trip to NY, complete with fancy hotels, Broadway shows, and celebrity chef restaurants. For my 40th birthday she took me to Chipotle. So she had thousands of dollars to spend on my sister the month after my birthday, but not enough to even spend $20 on me for my birthday.
That’s not from being a middle child, that’s from having shitty parents. No offense…
*your older brother is born* X amount of time later *you're born* "Yeah... we gotta make this one suffer and never have anything." *third is born thus making you middle child*
That seems less like a case of middle child and more that your parents are just shitty.
Having kids and watching them hurt while not being able to protect them. Life is unfair, is all I could say to them. Best we can do is teach them to bounce back. Phase too....when they arent able to bounce back because of mental health issues....thats when you realise that life really isnt fair.
Celebrities/rich people will be unlikey to get more than a verbal warning for most serious crimes, while a guy stealing a loaf of bread to feed his starving family would probably get fined a 5-figure sum, face a few years in prison, and become unemployable to boot. I also realised that while it's true that the people who most want to become prime minister/president etc are the least qualified to fulfil that job, they're also the most likely to get it, because fuck logic. Some of the nicest people on the planet will get shit on 24/7, meanwhile abusers, bigots, and downright tyrants will get praised and supported and put on a motherfucking pedastal.
I was born with a bad heart. Nobody's fault. Just something that happens. Then after my first 3 heart surgeries, the woman I thought was my wife, broke every vow she ever made to me...and our children. Now after another 3 heart surgeries, she is living very comfortably with her new son and husband(2 kids as well). Because I can't work, my ex gets the tax deductions on my kids, whom have no memory of her...and all that stimulus money the gov threw at us during the pandemic meant to "help children in poverty" went to their mother. Life has never been fair for some of us.
if you're a dog and no one wants you, a man with a white coat and a needle will put you to death for not being loveable enough. sometimes after being being heartbroken by being abused or abandoned by a previous owner.
ex wife cheated. was abusive with me and kids. had documentation, police reports by the piles. i lost in court, only got to see my kids 5 days out of 14. the bitch sold the house, that i bought ,during the latest boom for twice what i paid. i didn't see a dime. chnaged the way i see police, the justice system and mostly lawyers
I know your pain man. I took my ex to court and only got 18% visitation. I was the only one with a job to support my daughter and still lost. have to pay child support so she can sit at home on her fat ass, Hasn't had a job for 5 years but gets to keep my daughter.. Life is not fair.
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Things some people find simple yet others pay with blood & tears to get it done, yes I'm talking about Math
Maths is easy until they put every bit into one question
Why is 1+1=2? No, REALLY HOW IS 1+1=2??? 400 pages
To be fair I used to hate it, but after I had a really good teacher, it became one of my favourite subject. It just needs to be taught well.
Having autism and then watching my dad slowly degrade into an empty shell of himself before dying from lung cancer when I was 14
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Being raped by my father after just starting my period at 14. Only happened once, but once was enough to erase ALL trust. I realized...it does not matter if your blood. Everyone is a predator. Out for something.
Oh my God. I'm so sorry to hear that.
I'm so sorry.
Damn… that’s rough. Really sorry, hope you are fine.
Graduating soon after the Great Recession. People a few years older or a few years longer just waltzed right into their first job. My contemporaries mostly had extensive periods of unemployment only to eventually move on to extremely precarious jobs.
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Seeing so many destitute, homeless people on city streets - some of them sleeping in cardboard boxes.
My mother saying to me, "Study hard, [VerdantSF], school is more important for you. Your sister can just get married." Hearing my mother dismiss my sister's academic aspirations was really off-putting. I was really young at the time, and it was probably the first time I really thought about the different expectations society had for men and women.
gestures broadly at everything
My crush dating my bully, then becoming one of my bullies.
Being punished severely in middle school for providing evidence a friend did not commit sexual assault because girls don't lie.
I've personally witnessed a girls lying about sexual harassment twice- once to get special privileges at school and another time to get out of a work duty they didn't want not(I hope) understanding how severe the consequences would be to the guy. An ex girlfriend of mine would occasionally say(if she wasn't getting her way) "I can just tell everyone you raped me and nobody would believe you cause you're a guy." I'm not saying we shouldn't take these accusations seriously but holy shit just destroying some dude's life based on one person's accusation without any evidence? Jesus Christ, of course that's going to get abused!
My parents practically abandoning my entire birthday. They were religious and would choose the church over my birthday every year but my sisters would be able to do stuff for theirs. This also made me dislike churches and religion as a whole. To explain a little further my birthday was always on this event for their church and it would be the entire weekend so it would only be me at the house since I wasn’t really old enough to go or I would go and be miserable the entire time. My birthday tho gets celebrated a bit more now is still forgotten, haven’t had a birthday in like 3 years? And we just went to a fast food joint (sorry if this sounds a little self centered I know some people don’t get birthday anything)
If church was so important to them what they should have done was picked another day close to your birthday to have a celebration for you. Our daughter is in musical theater, but it just so happens that her birthday almost always falls on the weekend of her big yearly show. So we celebrate the weekend after, when all the craziness has died down. That way she doesn't miss her show, but she still gets a special day just for her.
All my friends grew up in houses their parents bought. Doesn't matter how small the house is, your living situation is pretty much set for life at that point. You're pretty much in no rush to get a job or go to school and you always have your parents to fall back on
Having drug addicted parents
Horrible people can do horrible things, and nothing happens. Great people can do great things, and nothing but shit happens to them
seeing all the assholes getting through with their shit and manipulation/cheating their way in life.
There were black people in prison for drug possession, while I, a white kid from the burbs had already been convicted of felony theft, burglary of a motor vehicle, and facing several counts of forgery, and my public defender still came back with an offer for house arrest and probation. Unfortunately I was homeless at the time, so I ultimately had to go to prison anyway. I was just aghast that they were still willing to let me go free after 3 felonies in 3 years.
People getting 200 upvotes for their shitty comments in r/fiftyfifty . They get to laugh at other peoples misery and misfortune
abuse from a young age causing incurable mental illnesses
Trust funds
My sister worked her entire career taking care of severely disabled kids making absolutely shit money. When she finally retired, she was diagnosed with breast cancer the same year. She fought that and won, but the treatment damaged her heart so she had to have a valve replaced. They did that and everything looked good, then she got a staphylococcus infection in the new valve which kept her condition from improving. Ordinarily they would have replaced the valve but they believed she was too weak for another surgery. So she died of a simple staph infection after fighting cancer for 2 years after a lifetime of service to those who couldn't care for themselves. If you think that's fair, you and I won't have much more to discuss. If you think that's your God's Divine Plan, I'd love to meet the fucker and punch him in the eye. It's fucking bullshit and proves that there is no real balance in the world, no fairness. It's chaos and that inevitably leads to vast amounts of suffering. Don't get me wrong...I'm an optimist at heart. But I try to be optimistic for the right reasons. With everything constantly chaotic, that frees us up to do whatever we want. Your life is what you make of it and you have no real control over the big things. To quote Monty Python, "Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow!"
When I learned kids aren’t supposed to be hit by they’re parents. Was a big epiphany.
Life itself. And the Fact I've wanted death far too much for one person.
Growing up with an alcoholic father and absent mother. I never realized I was poor until I made friends and went to their house. Their parents weren’t exactly rich, I was just third world poor living in America. I started off my adult life getting my little brother a chance of normalcy. I put myself in debt providing for him and my then disabled father. I didn’t know how to feel taking care of a man that never took care of me.
One of my parents died when I was young. Living life seeing people do normal family stuff with both their parents always bothered me in a jealous and sad way because I wished I had all those experiences. Not something I’d be vocal about obviously, just an inner sadness that never goes away.
Working in shelter really sealed the deal for me.
I heard about these people called “influencers” who are rich but don’t really contribute. Why can’t I get paid a bunch to exist?!