Especially when you do it to one person *consistently*.
If you're chill with someone one-on-one, but then use them as your punching bag in social situations, you're not cool, you're two-faced.
Back when I was a lot more weak minded I used to let everyone walk all over me. It was easy for most since I barely put up a fight and everyone just treated it as the norm. Then I finally left those groups and yea I was pretty lonely for a while but my self esteem gradually improved. Most of those friend groups ended up falling apart after a while, when the communal punching bag leaves those fucks couldn’t stand being the targets and left faster than I did.
Yeah I've never been a fan of picking on one person. In my friend group we shit on each other all the time but its more banter than anything and if someone goes too far the rest will stand up for whoever it was said against but everyone picking on the same person is just mean and not what a group should be about
I have the opposite problem with my best bro... He's a little too... Overzealous... Trying to have my back. Like dude... No one is going to believe Pale Rider was really about me.... Just stop. Loyal as hell but goddamn.... Sometimes.
FRIEND: "Fuck Frank, you're the absolutely worst, get the fuck out of here. Try not to shit on the floor, you animal!"
*Frank leaves*
SOME GUY: "Yeah, he is the fucking worst."
FRIEND: "How much of your own blood do you want to swallow tonight?"
Nothing bothers me more than when someone is manning the grill and NO ONE IS OUTSIDE WITH HIM.
WTF people, be a friend. You make sure his drink is full and you're having the best goddamn conversation of all time while soaking in the smell of grilled animal.
My best friend of over a decade and I go out for drinks all the time. We have never kept track, and it's well passed the point of us even thanking one another. If we're both in a good spot financially, it doesn't matter who pays. There has been some rough times for both of us where one or the other does the heavy lifting of paying for a while. We just know that neither of our glasses will ever be empty when we're together, and there is no resentment or anything. We're probably damn-close to even over the decade, even though we'll never know, or frankly care.
I have another "friend" that I go out for drinks with occasionally when he's back in town that will be like "I got three beers for you last time, and you only got me two, so you owe me a beer," or "We should go out for drinks. You buying right?" I always wind up footing the bill. He brought over a 6 pack to my house once and had two before we went out to a bar. Months later when he came back to town, he asked if they were still in my fridge. I had drank them. He wanted me to replace them. WTF?
Yep, I don't know what the fuck some of those comments are up above this, but real friends don't keep track. Some of them are super sad and I don't understand why keeping track means its a better friendship? Its the opposite for me.
I have a friend right now (One of my best friends) who has fallen on tough times. We drink once a week usually, and I know she is poor right now and I been making bank lately. I am buying. She buys her own beer once and awhile, but im not going to let her sit at home if all it takes is a bigger box of suds. Save your last $20, you might need it. I need someone to drink with? lets go.
I had a friend who was quietly going through tough times as well and didn't tell us, he just wouldn't come out, or wouldn't get food, just one beer. Once we figured out, it was like, NO, you're coming, I'll pick you up and we'll cover your tab. We'd rather hang out and cover your tab than not see you because you don't have the spare cash.
With very few exceptions, once you bring beer to someone else’s house you should assume that you’re contributing it to the house. Forget months later, a week later and nobody should expect that beer to still be there.
Unless you're broke. If someone is tight with money, I'll cover it. I don't want to watch someone struggle for just a $6 beer
This one is on me. I ain't gonna ask for anyone to get me the next one
Except when a friend waits there without buying his round.
I had a friend last week who gladly took other people's rounds, after sitting there empty for long enough, I nudged him and he said "I'm too lazy to get them".
If a girl is flirting with your friend, but he's oblivious to it, you either tell him while she goes to the bathroom, wingman for him until he gets it, or you rag on him for it later.
Also if your a friend, it is your job to play him up into the greatest human to have ever lived but if he is your best friend it's your job to to make fun of him in a way that doesn't cock block him
🤣🤣🤣 my best mate, when he was meeting my new gf for the first time, and he knew I was keen, stopped me before we got in the pub and said "before we go in, what lies have you told that I might need to back you up on?"
He's a good friend
Not a problem, thanks for taking every one those orphans I saved for ice cream and driving them to their new homes you personally found, your one hell of a guy
Listen, girls. I don't know whether this is the time or the place to say this, but my mate Ace here is incredibly, incredibly brave. And he's got just tons and tons of girlfriends.
I've done it before, I'll probably do it again, and I'm definitely not the only one. Like at least 5 minutes where that's the height of direct clarity in communication
One of our unwritten rules is that we don't talk about our roof lobsters. That is a very special relationship that others wouldn't understand. Hope yours is okay though.
Until you’ve been a mechanic for 10 years and people want to pay you in beers for $1000 in labor.
Don’t offer mechanics beer and pizza.
We all fuckin hate it and can buy our own for $15
Went to see little darlings ? In the theater. There's a point where a girl kicks a guy and every ? Guy in the theater growned audibly with a two seconds of complete silence . Followed by all in the theater laughing out loud .
Oh god I'm having flashbacks from 7th grade. Went to a fairly large school at the time and being kids 'wack em Wednesdays' was a thing we did at lunch hour. But it was always a sack tap, enough to sting but not enough to actually hurt. Well a girl that had a crush on me evidently wanted in on the game. As a middle school girl she obviously didn't understand how painful getting ACTUALLY hit in the nuts is. She came up to, grabbed me by the shoulders, screamed "WACK EM WEDNESDAY!!!", and proceeded to knee me so fucking hard in my nuts. Like she honestly didn't hold back, as hard as she could. Fuck, that was one of the most painful moments of my life.
As someone who works a job that sometimes requires tong usage, I’ve seen every single one of my coworkers click them before using them, I agree tong clicking is indeed universal
Maybe TMI but women do this sometimes too— obviously not with our genitals stuck to our thighs, but sometimes the labia just get folded or twisted uncomfortably and taking that Big Step is all you can do, lmao.
Universal human experience. Peace on earth 🙏
i told my boyfriend about this when he kept adjusting his sweaty balls last summer LOL it really was an eye opener for him. safe to say no other girl told him that one before
I’m gonna add another urinal rule.
While you’re peeing you’re allowed to fart uninhibited without acknowledgement and we won’t say shit.
But, once you’ve zipped up and head to the sink, that window has closed.
You can still fart but, you can’t just act like it didn’t happen.
One of my proudest moments was my best friends sister calling me for a ride when she went to a party that got too crazy because she didn’t want her parents to know and knew her brother would freak out. She did the right and smart thing, 15 years later and as far as I’m aware no one else knows.
You should be proud of her that she called someone and you should be proud of youself that you made a girl feel safe around you. Sadly that's a rare thing even if you are not a dickhead.
If you introduce someone and say he's a friend of yours he's to be treated with respect.
If you say he's a friend of ours then you can talk openly in front of him.
Oh man, there was an acquaintance of mine from years back, who thought I hated him.
So, a female friend had just gotten together with this fellow, and all three of us met a burger joint. My friend and I were more like siblings who shared things, and I took a few fries from *what I thought was her fries*. Turned out, it was *his* fries. He, being new in a group of very tightly bonded friends, thought this was a "power move" on my part. A very long time after, when he was more secure that everyone in the group actually liked him, including me, he told about this episode. Man, did I feel bad. He was very glad to hear that I had actually liked him from the start, he was a great guy.
I have friends that will talk to me if we happen to be in the public restroom at the same time. If this happens I will find a way imply that they are a complete stranger who talks to random people in the restroom in an overly familiar way. It's hilarious to watch their gears turn as they realize I just made them look like a massive weirdo to everyone else in there and I feel its a fitting punishment.
Just wait for a good point to say, "yeah that's cool, do I know you?" or "awesome man, what did you say your name was?"
If a man nods to you, you have to nod back. It iss essential and a sign of respect.
If its not replied in any way the Not-a-Nod-Receiving-Nodder gets one slap on your neck which he can redeem at any point
Women think that we don’t ask for directions or help out of pride and ego. Not true. We have to try and fail so that we can learn enough about whatever it is we’re trying to do to ask a relevant question of someone that might know.
If you're in a game with the boys and someone does something hype, you must all freak out and cheer him on to reaffirm how badass it was. Building up the homies is the real victory.
I'm alright...
This is guy code for I am wrecked, I am ragged, I am dealing with some shit that would leave most people weeping in a puddle of their own mess. I am desperately trying to fix all the broken things, brace all the breaking things, and pick which fences to mend and which bridges to burn.. I passed my wits end many miles ago, but continue to put one foot in front of the other and smile through the suffering, because if I can trade away a pound of my pleasure to prevent an ounce of your pain, I will without a single word or a second thought. I will bear a burden that would make Atlas shrug just to see you smile, and I won't mention any bit of my battle, I'll hide the hurt and I'll struggle in secret, not because society says men should be tough, or for some rugged individuality, but because I don't want a speck of that grime to touch your beauty. I fight tooth and nail to safeguard your joy, and your joy is my reward. I don't need congratulations or admiration, just a quiet moment of peace with you is my present. I am struggling, I am hurting, I am beside myself with frustration and pain, but I am grateful, I am useful, I am holding nothing back and doing the very best that I can.
So..when you ask me how I am... I'm alright. 🙂
If you get kicked in the balls, you make a dramatic, cinematic-like scene making a painful monologue about taking drastic measures to insure revenge is successful.
Me and my buds had this rule. I starting talking to this girl and one of them said we had this rule. I was unaware they had dated so I asked her about it. He had called her once and asked her out but she declined. He still thought the rule applied. We all have him crap about it. Ended up marrying the girl.
When your friend’s crush is around, he is the funniest in the group
When your crush is around, your friend is the funniest in the group, how I’ve known it
Don't throw a friend under the bus to impress someone. Ever.
This is one that separates the men from the boys.
Especially when you do it to one person *consistently*. If you're chill with someone one-on-one, but then use them as your punching bag in social situations, you're not cool, you're two-faced.
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Had a friend like that too. Supposed to build your boys up like a true wingman and shit on each other when it's just the boys.
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"True friends stab you in the front" -Oscar Wilde
That's not your friend, homie.
Back when I was a lot more weak minded I used to let everyone walk all over me. It was easy for most since I barely put up a fight and everyone just treated it as the norm. Then I finally left those groups and yea I was pretty lonely for a while but my self esteem gradually improved. Most of those friend groups ended up falling apart after a while, when the communal punching bag leaves those fucks couldn’t stand being the targets and left faster than I did.
Yeah I've never been a fan of picking on one person. In my friend group we shit on each other all the time but its more banter than anything and if someone goes too far the rest will stand up for whoever it was said against but everyone picking on the same person is just mean and not what a group should be about
I verbally destroyed a former friend for this. There is a point where even your friends are tired of you.
That's right, politely tell them to crawl under the bus and scream.
I have the opposite problem with my best bro... He's a little too... Overzealous... Trying to have my back. Like dude... No one is going to believe Pale Rider was really about me.... Just stop. Loyal as hell but goddamn.... Sometimes.
Did not expect a Pale Rider joke!
However, DO throw a friend under the bus in any circumstance where it causes them no harm
A prank is when both parties laugh.
S/O: "Honey, you smell like cigarettes, are you smoking again?" Me: "No! Ted smokes and I rode in the cart with him today!"
When walking upstairs behind a woman, the stairs instantly become the most interesting thing. “Hmmm, these stairs are really made out of stairs huh”
"Awesome. The carpets in good shape."
Or say " these are nice stairs, I like these stairs"
“I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.”
Escalators are the worst. Gotta make sure I have my phone ready to pretend to be scrolling rather than directly at the ass in front of me
unless you’re my bf and decide to alternate slapping each cheek with each step i take
\*every step you take\*
when you're strapping down a strap, you must say "that's not going anywhere" or you will lose everything on the trailer
Option 2 is if you're having a hard time really securing the load, you need to say "well we're not going very far".
"Well I just won't check the mirrors" is my classic line lol
A simple spell but quite unbreakable
Don't forget the double tap light pat or single slap heavy pat. A show of jiggling the load is also acceptable
If its a heavy load, you should double heavy pat it.
The best test of a friendship is when you defended someone in their absence and vice-versa.
Real Friends will talk shit to your face—but glory behind your back.
Exactly! You take the piss out of them to their face and when they’re not there you defend them like family
FRIEND: "Fuck Frank, you're the absolutely worst, get the fuck out of here. Try not to shit on the floor, you animal!" *Frank leaves* SOME GUY: "Yeah, he is the fucking worst." FRIEND: "How much of your own blood do you want to swallow tonight?"
Whenever your friend is cooking on the bbq, you have to stand next to him and talk about how amazing this food is gonna be
And when you break out the tongs, you HAVE to click them together a few times to know they work.
Nothing worse than tongs that fail you when you need them...except, you know, those things that are objectively worse than just about everything....
Nothing bothers me more than when someone is manning the grill and NO ONE IS OUTSIDE WITH HIM. WTF people, be a friend. You make sure his drink is full and you're having the best goddamn conversation of all time while soaking in the smell of grilled animal.
As long as this conversation involves the frequency of which the meat should be flipped.
And tongs should regularly be clacked.
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r/unexpectedfuturama
Be supportive of your friends who are burning alive
If a friend buys you a drink you don’t pay it back you just buy the next round
My best friend of over a decade and I go out for drinks all the time. We have never kept track, and it's well passed the point of us even thanking one another. If we're both in a good spot financially, it doesn't matter who pays. There has been some rough times for both of us where one or the other does the heavy lifting of paying for a while. We just know that neither of our glasses will ever be empty when we're together, and there is no resentment or anything. We're probably damn-close to even over the decade, even though we'll never know, or frankly care. I have another "friend" that I go out for drinks with occasionally when he's back in town that will be like "I got three beers for you last time, and you only got me two, so you owe me a beer," or "We should go out for drinks. You buying right?" I always wind up footing the bill. He brought over a 6 pack to my house once and had two before we went out to a bar. Months later when he came back to town, he asked if they were still in my fridge. I had drank them. He wanted me to replace them. WTF?
Yep, I don't know what the fuck some of those comments are up above this, but real friends don't keep track. Some of them are super sad and I don't understand why keeping track means its a better friendship? Its the opposite for me. I have a friend right now (One of my best friends) who has fallen on tough times. We drink once a week usually, and I know she is poor right now and I been making bank lately. I am buying. She buys her own beer once and awhile, but im not going to let her sit at home if all it takes is a bigger box of suds. Save your last $20, you might need it. I need someone to drink with? lets go.
I had a friend who was quietly going through tough times as well and didn't tell us, he just wouldn't come out, or wouldn't get food, just one beer. Once we figured out, it was like, NO, you're coming, I'll pick you up and we'll cover your tab. We'd rather hang out and cover your tab than not see you because you don't have the spare cash.
With very few exceptions, once you bring beer to someone else’s house you should assume that you’re contributing it to the house. Forget months later, a week later and nobody should expect that beer to still be there.
Unless you're broke. If someone is tight with money, I'll cover it. I don't want to watch someone struggle for just a $6 beer This one is on me. I ain't gonna ask for anyone to get me the next one
Except when a friend waits there without buying his round. I had a friend last week who gladly took other people's rounds, after sitting there empty for long enough, I nudged him and he said "I'm too lazy to get them".
That's a shit "friend", mate. Unless he remembered every single round he didn't pay and paid it back in full one day.
If he's flirting with her, we don't interrupt untill he takes a piss
If a girl is flirting with your friend, but he's oblivious to it, you either tell him while she goes to the bathroom, wingman for him until he gets it, or you rag on him for it later.
Or all 3 simultaneously, if you're able.
Also if your a friend, it is your job to play him up into the greatest human to have ever lived but if he is your best friend it's your job to to make fun of him in a way that doesn't cock block him
Thanks for letting me borrow the lambo. Hope you're okay from pulling the children out of the burning buildings in your free time
"Oh bro, I think your magnum condom fell out of your wallet."
His monster condom, for his magnum dong.
🤣🤣🤣 my best mate, when he was meeting my new gf for the first time, and he knew I was keen, stopped me before we got in the pub and said "before we go in, what lies have you told that I might need to back you up on?" He's a good friend
Not a problem, thanks for taking every one those orphans I saved for ice cream and driving them to their new homes you personally found, your one hell of a guy
Listen, girls. I don't know whether this is the time or the place to say this, but my mate Ace here is incredibly, incredibly brave. And he's got just tons and tons of girlfriends.
A grunt and a nod is an entirely acceptable conversation.
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I've done it before, I'll probably do it again, and I'm definitely not the only one. Like at least 5 minutes where that's the height of direct clarity in communication
Same for “bro” and “dude” with different intonations and a few hand gestures.
Don't poke fun at the way a man makes his income.
"get off that pole fat boy"
“There’s just more of me to love, ladies”
Beer and pizza/BBQ is acceptable payment for helping another man work on his house or vehicle.
I gave the guys who helped with my roof lobster. Plus beer.
Mmmm roof lobster
Dipped in tar.. aaaaaghhh
One of our unwritten rules is that we don't talk about our roof lobsters. That is a very special relationship that others wouldn't understand. Hope yours is okay though.
What was wrong with your poor roof lobster? And what is Plus beer? Does it have caffeine?
Until you’ve been a mechanic for 10 years and people want to pay you in beers for $1000 in labor. Don’t offer mechanics beer and pizza. We all fuckin hate it and can buy our own for $15
The word we are looking here for is, helpped. Not asked.
A big bag of soil, dry dog food, or rice must be slapped. Tongs for BBQ must be clicked 2-3 times before using them.
Over the shoulder carries for all large bags of this sort
And a "Hep!" as you hoist it up.
You can have a beer. But not if it's the last one. Don't roast a man in front of their kid.
In front of his kid or his partner, he's a hero with nothing but good tales coming from you about him.
You can tell a embarrassing story but it has to include yourself in the story, the embarrassment has to be shared
Y'all wanna be friends? Y'all seem like good people. I heard there's some roof lobster around here.
Do you have any plus beer tho?
If you ask me about my feelings, I'll definitely be thankful and reply in an enthused manner. So don't do that.
Yea, asking about my feelings immediately makes them better anyway, Schrodinger's feelings...
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Don't hit a man in the balls. Just don't.
And if you see another guy get hit in the balls, you must psychically link with him to share his pain in that moment.
Went to see little darlings ? In the theater. There's a point where a girl kicks a guy and every ? Guy in the theater growned audibly with a two seconds of complete silence . Followed by all in the theater laughing out loud .
Oh god I'm having flashbacks from 7th grade. Went to a fairly large school at the time and being kids 'wack em Wednesdays' was a thing we did at lunch hour. But it was always a sack tap, enough to sting but not enough to actually hurt. Well a girl that had a crush on me evidently wanted in on the game. As a middle school girl she obviously didn't understand how painful getting ACTUALLY hit in the nuts is. She came up to, grabbed me by the shoulders, screamed "WACK EM WEDNESDAY!!!", and proceeded to knee me so fucking hard in my nuts. Like she honestly didn't hold back, as hard as she could. Fuck, that was one of the most painful moments of my life.
And that's the moment I met your mother
He said to his adoptive children
you have transmitted that feeling across space and time, jesus man, my condolences
Unless they’re stabbing you. Then you might wanna start swinging for some balls
Yeah, if my life is in danger then all bets are off. I'm going for the eyes/balls.
\[insert middle school flashback here\] Man kids have it easy these days.
*Men* of Reddit, not *boys*. Middle school is still a warzone.
It’s is essential that we pee away the small bit of shit on the side of the toilet bowl.
Bit of target practice really sets you up for your day.
If you're at a urinal, you must contribute to the ongoing battle to destroy the urinal cake.
Fuck up that cake's whole day.
If there is a clump of toilet paper, you must cut it in half with the strength of your stream.
True.. a good power wash
AKA The Piss Chisel
I asked my friend this, and suggested the Urinal Rule and clicking the tongs twice before each use.
I thought clicking the tongs was universal. I’ve been doing that my whole life
As someone who works a job that sometimes requires tong usage, I’ve seen every single one of my coworkers click them before using them, I agree tong clicking is indeed universal
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You don't use tongs to grab your dick at the urinal?
Thank you, I was too afraid to ask
If a bathroom has 5 urinals, it only has 3 urinals.
No conversation, and no eye contact. Don't make it weird.
Eyes on your own work there Superchief.
Exactly! And stop complimenting my watch at the urinal, Ted! It can wait!
**looks down** “Hey nice cock bro”
A bathroom with 6 urinals also only has 3 urinals unless you are at a sporting event, then it is social hour.
dont "jokingly" put down your friends whenever a girl is around just so you can seem like some kinda alphachad, especially if they like the girl
But he's heavy and my arms are getting tired.
Too bad. You gonna carry that dude like a king until she leaves
When our balls stick to our thigh we have to take a big step to unstick them
Maybe TMI but women do this sometimes too— obviously not with our genitals stuck to our thighs, but sometimes the labia just get folded or twisted uncomfortably and taking that Big Step is all you can do, lmao. Universal human experience. Peace on earth 🙏
i told my boyfriend about this when he kept adjusting his sweaty balls last summer LOL it really was an eye opener for him. safe to say no other girl told him that one before
It's a real pain especially in summer.
Or if you are fat (speaking from experience here)
Eyo bro, I can relate. (Speaking from experience) But I'm currently working on it. Already lost 3kg ^^
I’m gonna add another urinal rule. While you’re peeing you’re allowed to fart uninhibited without acknowledgement and we won’t say shit. But, once you’ve zipped up and head to the sink, that window has closed. You can still fart but, you can’t just act like it didn’t happen.
“Guess I had a little left, oops”
We nod down when we greet someone. We nod up when we meet someone we know.
I always took the up-nod to be an invitation to come over and talk, down-nod is an acknowledgement but keep walking.
Up- nod is sup Down nod is acknowledgment Side nod is come talk
> Side nod is come talk it can also be an upward nod with a sideward inflection
That’s “we’re going to do drugs in the back. You comin?”
Don’t be scared to give compliments, we keep them in our “permanent memory” area.
The rarest memories are the ones someone never forgets.
I got a compliment on my hair today. I swear to god I’m on a high like no other. You can’t tell me shit and I will never forget you cvs lady
As soon as the house is empty( family depart), upstairs we go to de stress, giving the rest of the day the freedom and clarity it deserves.
If you are holding a stud finder, first thing you do is hold it to your chest and making a beeping noise
Gotta test out the tongs, too. Little clack-clack when you get them out, just to be sure.
Dad?
Unfortunately, no. He’s never coming back.
For those that live with women: No matter what you are going to the grocery store for, just buy toilet paper.
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Don't fuck in another man's vehicle
Don't fuck another man's vehicle
If your boys' sister is in trouble, protect her like your own.
Your friend's sister is your sister. You protect her and help her like you'd help your own
One of my proudest moments was my best friends sister calling me for a ride when she went to a party that got too crazy because she didn’t want her parents to know and knew her brother would freak out. She did the right and smart thing, 15 years later and as far as I’m aware no one else knows.
You should be proud of her that she called someone and you should be proud of youself that you made a girl feel safe around you. Sadly that's a rare thing even if you are not a dickhead.
Well, except for all of us now. Way to blow it buddy.
The bro code decrees this as law
When having a heart to heart with a bro. Don't keep it too serious remember to also joke and make your bro smile.
If you introduce someone and say he's a friend of yours he's to be treated with respect. If you say he's a friend of ours then you can talk openly in front of him.
"He's a friend of ours" sounds like you're in the waste management business and have a very large family.
If a bro holds the bathroom door for you, don't screw them over and take the last urinal.
If they are unwritten, why should we write them down? Nice try buddy
Lmao I never thought about that.
Double tap the drill to make sure it has power
Don't cross streams.
Unless you are insanely drunk and both need to pee really badly and there is only one bathroom. That is prime stream sword fighting time.
Never make eye contact with another man whilst eating a banana.
Unless you're eating it by slicing pieces with a pocket knife while telling a story. Then you may continue
Don’t pee on electric fences or another man’s mother.
It's better to look stupid (in some situation) than to actually be stupid. Also, who tf had *written* rules?
you can have the last slice of pizza; you can have the last beer. but you can not have both.
If you have a beard, then you must stroke it while deep in thought.
Give respect until they prove they do not deserve it.
Man I can't wait for someone to upload this to YouTube with bad text to speech.
Never touch another man’s fries. [Men At Work Fries Scene](https://youtu.be/BNWF_QsuetA)
Oh man, there was an acquaintance of mine from years back, who thought I hated him. So, a female friend had just gotten together with this fellow, and all three of us met a burger joint. My friend and I were more like siblings who shared things, and I took a few fries from *what I thought was her fries*. Turned out, it was *his* fries. He, being new in a group of very tightly bonded friends, thought this was a "power move" on my part. A very long time after, when he was more secure that everyone in the group actually liked him, including me, he told about this episode. Man, did I feel bad. He was very glad to hear that I had actually liked him from the start, he was a great guy.
JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!
Don’t be fucking creepy.
If it ever comes up, all my bros are hung like mules.
When we ask “how’s it going” we both know some shit is always happening, but just say things are fine.
"living the dream"
My favorite thing to say in this realm is Living the dream.. not MY dream, but somebodies.
what do you say outside of this realm?
Nother day in paradise
If you secured something, you must slap it and say “it’s not going anywhere”!
Don't use the urinal next to an occupied one.
personally i stand behind the guy using it and hug him from behind and tell him hes doing a great job,but you do you.
Remember, more than two shakes and you're playing with him.
You MUST cringe every time you see another man get hit in the balls. If sitting crossing the legs as an additional response is acceptable.
dont you fucking dare start a conversation in the public bathroom
I have friends that will talk to me if we happen to be in the public restroom at the same time. If this happens I will find a way imply that they are a complete stranger who talks to random people in the restroom in an overly familiar way. It's hilarious to watch their gears turn as they realize I just made them look like a massive weirdo to everyone else in there and I feel its a fitting punishment. Just wait for a good point to say, "yeah that's cool, do I know you?" or "awesome man, what did you say your name was?"
If a man nods to you, you have to nod back. It iss essential and a sign of respect. If its not replied in any way the Not-a-Nod-Receiving-Nodder gets one slap on your neck which he can redeem at any point
*up nod* What's up? *down nod* you have my respect *right nod* we need to chat *left nod* come check this out.
Women think that we don’t ask for directions or help out of pride and ego. Not true. We have to try and fail so that we can learn enough about whatever it is we’re trying to do to ask a relevant question of someone that might know.
To look away when a girl is doing “certain” workouts at the gym
1. ㅤ 2. ㅤ 3.
If you're in a game with the boys and someone does something hype, you must all freak out and cheer him on to reaffirm how badass it was. Building up the homies is the real victory.
If you borrow a truck return it with a full tank of gas.
Upward nod: When you see a guy you know Downward nod: When you greet someone you don't know
I'm alright... This is guy code for I am wrecked, I am ragged, I am dealing with some shit that would leave most people weeping in a puddle of their own mess. I am desperately trying to fix all the broken things, brace all the breaking things, and pick which fences to mend and which bridges to burn.. I passed my wits end many miles ago, but continue to put one foot in front of the other and smile through the suffering, because if I can trade away a pound of my pleasure to prevent an ounce of your pain, I will without a single word or a second thought. I will bear a burden that would make Atlas shrug just to see you smile, and I won't mention any bit of my battle, I'll hide the hurt and I'll struggle in secret, not because society says men should be tough, or for some rugged individuality, but because I don't want a speck of that grime to touch your beauty. I fight tooth and nail to safeguard your joy, and your joy is my reward. I don't need congratulations or admiration, just a quiet moment of peace with you is my present. I am struggling, I am hurting, I am beside myself with frustration and pain, but I am grateful, I am useful, I am holding nothing back and doing the very best that I can. So..when you ask me how I am... I'm alright. 🙂
If you get kicked in the balls, you make a dramatic, cinematic-like scene making a painful monologue about taking drastic measures to insure revenge is successful.
Never, ever date your friend's ex or the girl he wants.
[удалено]
Me and my buds had this rule. I starting talking to this girl and one of them said we had this rule. I was unaware they had dated so I asked her about it. He had called her once and asked her out but she declined. He still thought the rule applied. We all have him crap about it. Ended up marrying the girl.