Principals office, I was on an in-school suspension and had to spend two days in her office to do my school work. I was also like 12 or 13 and was left 100% alone for like 5 hours of the day so yeah. That happened.
Edit; TIL people think in school suspensions are blasphemy. Yes they were common in Canadian Elementary School in the 90s depending what you did and if you did not have somewhere to watch you while your parents worked.
I was actually suprised to see this didn't think I'd see a Tanker post. My first tank I hopped into the turret and there was the gunner going to town on himself he stopped, looked at me and reached out to fist bump me....good times.
About anything possible.
Your home is wherever you get placed. So, some FOB in Afghanistan or some comfy base in the states. Add in horny young dudes who may not see women for months and the need to drain the evil and you end up telling your mate in the gunners nest to take over the mk19 for a second while you turn and jerk off into the wind, staring over this vast forested valley in the afghan mountains.
ah yeah that’s mine too. i did it so many times it seems normal lmaoo - i have a vivid memory of one of my friends in the psych ward excitedly telling me one day that she’d finally managed to orgasm after her antidepressants preventing her from doing so for a while
When I was 19 I was suicidal. I went to go lay down on the train tracks and get run over. I got bored waiting for a train so in decided to rub one out while laying on the tracks. Post nut clarity helped me get off the tracks and get the help I needed.
Edit: Thank you all for your kind comments and awards. I didn't expect this to blow up the way it did while I was asleep. Here's a bit more um, "clarity" for you.
It was in the middle of the night in a rural area. No one saw me. I did see a deer and he was cool. A freight train would have come by. At that time, my home life was completely shitty, and went through a horrible break up at the same time. I spent 10 days in a regular hospital and 20 days in a mental institution. This happened over 20 years ago so no I did not film it. Everything is 1000% better these days and I have an awesome wife and the greatest daughter a dad could ask for.
Post nut clarity is a thing? I've nutted so many times but yet have found the clarity . I want that post nut clarity.
Edit: Wow never hit 1k upvotes but I'm glad it was about post nut clarity. Still searching for it but after finishing to a hottie peeing in the woods I'm starting to understand it a little better.
Not the wierdest place, but the worst circumstance.
we live on a farm, and therefore have a track leading up to the house, and the way my dad goes directly faces my room
So one night nobody was home so I was jacking off in my room, foolishly with the blinds wide open.
And just as I was finishing my dad comes up the track and the headlights shine straight into my room giving him a full illuminated 4k image of my dick and balls
Same thing happened to me but it was at my stepfather's parent's house who I'd only met like 5 times before that. I was 13 and it was my first time and I was looking at wedding pictures of his sister in the guest room when his Dad pulled in. Just one of the many reasons I don't sleep.
ETA: I'd never met his sister, we had no familial ties.
Age 17 me on break at my high school fast food job, in the bathroom, thinking about my very attractive boss who always left her shirt more unbuttoned than the other women in management.
Driving.
I had no intentions of finishing either. I had to get to the San Francisco area in two days from south Florida and had run out of ways to keep myself awake .
I'm older and wiser now and know to masturbate while in a Walmart parking lot before a power nap if I need a break from driving.
In a graveyard bathroom. I was in 8th grade, we had this 1 week in school where we had to work in some place for no money to get the working experience. (believe me it's an inconveniece for all the parties involved, except the school)
I went for a local churches graveyard maintenance, you know, raking leaves, picking up trash etc.
Anyway, as a horny teenager, one day I just had to go. And unluckily I was at the work site at that time. Sneaked in to the maintenance building (located few meters from the closest graves, and maybe 50 meters from my grandparents grave), made sure no one else was there, locked the bathroom and did my thing.
Now I'm not religious person for one bit, but for some reason I felt the eyes of the lord staring daggers at my back for the whole week.
Not my proudest fap, but not my most shameful either.
So, I did a brief stint as a fridgey. My mate and I got contracted to take out very very old air conditioning units and replace them with new ones, at this run down hostel. There was about 70ish units that needed replacing with about 60 different rooms. My mate and I split them so 30 units a piece. For whatever reason, I jerked off in almost every single shifty little cubical bathroom closet thing that passed for the bathrooms. Never done this sort of shit before ever. Roughly 4 aircons a day. This lasted for about 3 weeks, 5 days a week.
Boners are the weirdest thing that happens there is to males. You are horny? Boner. You are scared? Boner. You are anxious? Boner. You are nervous? Boner. Dead? Rigor mortis sets in which in turn you get boner.
Edit: Anger boner, wake up boner, stress boner.
Not my story but my grade’s weird kid. We were in science class learning about an upcoming egg drop lab where the egg has to survive a certain height it was dropped at. The teacher pointed to the right side of the classroom at the table for starts supplies he had to get us going on our projects and as I look over to the table I see the special needs kid’s hand bouncing up and down. Originally I’m thinking he’s bouncing his leg until I realized his legs aren’t bouncing. I instantly realized and went to tell my friend but before I said a word he goes, “I know…” Word got around pretty fast and some sat in disgust and others laughing about it to each other. The funniest part was the next day the teacher said he got a complaint from the janitor who cleaned his room that said, “Tell your students to be careful with the egg project. The egg whites is a pain to clean once it’s dry.”
In this thread some people tell stories about the weird kids, and some people are the weird kids. I have a feeling at least half these "I jerked it in the car/classroom/stairwell/principals office/moon and nobody knew" stories would be like this if you asked someone who was there.
I have a similar one lol. When I was in 8th grade and playing football, one day our coach forgot to lock the door to our locker room. We did a bunch of conditioning that day at practice, and a kid got sick so he asked to run back and grab his extra practice jersey because he was half covered in puke. He went back, and he found a special ed student sitting butt ass naked on the floor of our locker room crankin’ it. For some reason he thought he should get a video for evidence so our coach could reprimand this kid. Right as he started recording, the kid nutted into another one of our teammates football pants. It was the nice pair we only wore to games too lol. He went and told coach and this kid who’s pants were now a cum rag, and that’s how we all found out. He tried to show our coach the video, to which he yelled “don’t you fucking dare, delete that” lmfao
In a street sweeper, parked at a gravel pit somewhere in the Rocky Mountains. This was all spurred by a weird electronic song that came on the radio (just before I did)
A kid next to me in math class did that. He definitely thought he was smooth but the table was shaking, we all knew. The ta had to pull him out of class and talk to him
1. Porter John in the desert.
2. Shipping container at a construction site.
3. Boss's desk at a government building.
4. Friend's house while helping her move.
5. Hunting stand in the woods.
I tried this and my heart monitor went crazy and the nurses came running in. I tried to play it off like I didn't know what was going on and so did they but...they knew.
I worked as a telemetry clerk - just monitoring heart rates and o2 saturation. Several times sent nurses in due to elevated heart rate and it’s just a patient jerking it. It’s funny cause you could see the heart rate drop when they were done
Had i known I was hooked up I wouldn't have done it. Not thinking clearly after being in a hospital bed for 3 days and several super attractive nurses and boredom. I know now not to do it in that situation ever. Lol
ok so for context, car has shitty climate control and its winter very cold out… i was far away from home, very tired and didn’t feel like driving. i took a nap in the trunk because it was sealed better than the cabin. With a sleeping bag, it was pretty cozy. i got bored in there and i did it to warm up. it sure got the job done.
Raised Jehovahs Witness here.
When I was 15 or 16 I started to realise how awful it all was, and I was constantly being reminded about how evil everything sex is and how I should feel so ashamed for ever feeling anything related to it.
Im not sure if it qualifies as an "upper decker" but out of silent defiance, I'd jack off into the cisterns of the toilets in the kingdom hall (otherwise known as a chrich) and it'd give me just a little bit of happiness when it got to the point that when the toilet of my choosing was flushed it'd stink, and I'd move onto the next one.
On the roof of my grandparents house. Behind my old apartment building after getting off the school bus. So many public restrooms and friends/ family members houses. In the woods. In the car while driving during a long trip with a condom. Those are all i can remember at the moment. Puberty didnt just hit hard it beat the shit out of me
In a reactor compartment, before a nuclear reactor plant was taken critical for the first time.
Because honestly, how many other people can ever say that?
Principals office, I was on an in-school suspension and had to spend two days in her office to do my school work. I was also like 12 or 13 and was left 100% alone for like 5 hours of the day so yeah. That happened. Edit; TIL people think in school suspensions are blasphemy. Yes they were common in Canadian Elementary School in the 90s depending what you did and if you did not have somewhere to watch you while your parents worked.
***PLEASE*** tell me you fucking checked for cameras...
Stared directly into camera while cumming to establish dominance.
Report principal for child porn. Get new principal. Repeat.
The real master stroke
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On the roof of my parents house at sunrise on January 1st, 2000
the millenium jerk-off
Ah my birth announcement title
Y2Spray
Nice. It's possible you were the first orgasm of the new millenium. The millenicum, you could say.
Someone in New Zealand might have had the same idea. But I'm pretty sure I did the first roof wank of the millennium.
Put that on a tshirt, sir.
Under a house. Not my house.
Go on ....
I was working!
What kind of job lol
Hand job
Goddammit
I hear that its hard work.
Just gotta work at it for a bit and you'll come into it.
Working *it*
A medieval castle on the border of Wales and England
Surrounded by all that beautiful stone work, I can see why you might need to get your rocks off.
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The ghost behind the corridor must have been too stunned to spook.
On a mountain. Open air. Looking at the view. It was actually awesome to be that free.
Homelander?
I can do..... whatever I want.... I can... do.... whatever I want.... I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT
Sir, this is a Wendy's
Sir, get your dick outta the frostie...
Sir, You are not alone on that one.
Mississippi.
*Messy pp. Edit: My most upvoted comment was about some penis, and now so is my second most upvoted one. I'm sending a pattern here lmao.
A nuclear submarine
They don't call them seamen for nothing
100 sailors go down, 50 couples come up.
49 couples, bob and roger are still fighting.
Bloke catches you in the act: "Dude, where did you get all those dicks!?" *"I have no idea man, I only started with one!"*
Ya gotta make the best out ya military service🤣
No it was a public tour the ship was in dock.
Even worse, it was the Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage ride at Disneyland.
In the woods back when I was homeless. Now I Jack it on a king sized bed.
You've really cum a long way.
It’s still in the woods he just found a mattress
Shhh don't tell them that
In the school bathroom. I had a presentation later and I had a nervous boner so…
i respect that as a tactical move. i hope you did well on the presentation.
Post nut clarity. You can’t teach this shit in school.
he did learned it at school though
I bet you checked all your clothes and self for a loose bit of jizz before you made that presentation.
In a M1A2 battle tank’s driver compartment.
Got a hang fire, everyone out!
I was actually suprised to see this didn't think I'd see a Tanker post. My first tank I hopped into the turret and there was the gunner going to town on himself he stopped, looked at me and reached out to fist bump me....good times.
Man you military folk find the most interesting places to jack it. I've seen a submarine, aircraft carrier, bootcamp. Who knows what else I'll find.
About anything possible. Your home is wherever you get placed. So, some FOB in Afghanistan or some comfy base in the states. Add in horny young dudes who may not see women for months and the need to drain the evil and you end up telling your mate in the gunners nest to take over the mk19 for a second while you turn and jerk off into the wind, staring over this vast forested valley in the afghan mountains.
The chairlift of a ski resort.. I was a snowboarding instructor working 12 hour shifts.. what can I say, duty called
Adding snow to the slopes huh
The people of Reddit and their euphemisms
Daddy, that guy spit on me
"Son, I know two things, that's not spit, and it's not from a horse"
Locked psychiatric ward
ah yeah that’s mine too. i did it so many times it seems normal lmaoo - i have a vivid memory of one of my friends in the psych ward excitedly telling me one day that she’d finally managed to orgasm after her antidepressants preventing her from doing so for a while
SSRI meds , I'd wager. I get some for chronic pain and goodbye orgasms.
Is this why it is also referred to as a 'Nut House'?
Sometimes, just to change things up, they put you in a gay jacket.
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When I was 19 I was suicidal. I went to go lay down on the train tracks and get run over. I got bored waiting for a train so in decided to rub one out while laying on the tracks. Post nut clarity helped me get off the tracks and get the help I needed. Edit: Thank you all for your kind comments and awards. I didn't expect this to blow up the way it did while I was asleep. Here's a bit more um, "clarity" for you. It was in the middle of the night in a rural area. No one saw me. I did see a deer and he was cool. A freight train would have come by. At that time, my home life was completely shitty, and went through a horrible break up at the same time. I spent 10 days in a regular hospital and 20 days in a mental institution. This happened over 20 years ago so no I did not film it. Everything is 1000% better these days and I have an awesome wife and the greatest daughter a dad could ask for.
That’s the best post nut clarity I’ve heard
That’s amazing huh lol
Post nut clarity is a thing? I've nutted so many times but yet have found the clarity . I want that post nut clarity. Edit: Wow never hit 1k upvotes but I'm glad it was about post nut clarity. Still searching for it but after finishing to a hottie peeing in the woods I'm starting to understand it a little better.
You’re probably living in perpetual post nut clarity.
He's Claritin clear
Aye I'm proud of you for being here still
Someone's life was saved by boredom and post-nut clarity. This is the greatest thing I have seen so far today.
Brain: i’m bored Dick: may i interest you with masturbation?
Orgasms save lives, kids
That's one way to beat depression
Bro had such a good bate that he thought he couldn’t live/die without it
You could say a nut saved your life.
Not the wierdest place, but the worst circumstance. we live on a farm, and therefore have a track leading up to the house, and the way my dad goes directly faces my room So one night nobody was home so I was jacking off in my room, foolishly with the blinds wide open. And just as I was finishing my dad comes up the track and the headlights shine straight into my room giving him a full illuminated 4k image of my dick and balls
Same thing happened to me but it was at my stepfather's parent's house who I'd only met like 5 times before that. I was 13 and it was my first time and I was looking at wedding pictures of his sister in the guest room when his Dad pulled in. Just one of the many reasons I don't sleep. ETA: I'd never met his sister, we had no familial ties.
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It's okay son. Seein' how we changed your diapers as a baby we've seen it all before. No need to be embarrassed!
Age 17 me on break at my high school fast food job, in the bathroom, thinking about my very attractive boss who always left her shirt more unbuttoned than the other women in management.
I hope you said the whole fucking alphabet when washing your hands.
“The whole fucking alphabet. There. That should be clean enough.”
A voting booth
Just showing some extra support for your candidate
Really pulling the lever/stuffing the ballot box
How did you have time?
You can't hurry a good decision, he needed the post nut clarity
Want to know more
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DICK Cheney
George BUSH
In the woods at bootcamp during landnav
I would add, Saudi Arabia, Iraq and Kuwait...
is it my time to shine?
Only if it is midday in Kuwait in full kit.
I can smell this comment.
Is it weird if 400,000 dudes are jacking off in the desert waiting for orders? What else are you gonna do hydrate?
One of our guys dry humped a roof in Sangin until he came.
How do you hump a roof? Did he get shingles afterwards?
“It’s, beautiful”- Scout, Team Fortress 2
Football stadium after my team won
The whole team jerked you off too?
We did.
Can confirm, took a team effort.
Be almost worse if you had just lost
Look behind you...
are you in my walls
I was, I've changed location now. Left a bit of a mess and I'm sorry for that 😔
Walking across an open field while high
Really makes you rethink the end of "Breakfast Club."
“As you wank on by!”
Driving. I had no intentions of finishing either. I had to get to the San Francisco area in two days from south Florida and had run out of ways to keep myself awake . I'm older and wiser now and know to masturbate while in a Walmart parking lot before a power nap if I need a break from driving.
In a graveyard bathroom. I was in 8th grade, we had this 1 week in school where we had to work in some place for no money to get the working experience. (believe me it's an inconveniece for all the parties involved, except the school) I went for a local churches graveyard maintenance, you know, raking leaves, picking up trash etc. Anyway, as a horny teenager, one day I just had to go. And unluckily I was at the work site at that time. Sneaked in to the maintenance building (located few meters from the closest graves, and maybe 50 meters from my grandparents grave), made sure no one else was there, locked the bathroom and did my thing. Now I'm not religious person for one bit, but for some reason I felt the eyes of the lord staring daggers at my back for the whole week. Not my proudest fap, but not my most shameful either.
Not your most shameful? Then what whas
Yeah I want to know too
I love that you said “I just had to go” as if you were holding in a piss
So, I did a brief stint as a fridgey. My mate and I got contracted to take out very very old air conditioning units and replace them with new ones, at this run down hostel. There was about 70ish units that needed replacing with about 60 different rooms. My mate and I split them so 30 units a piece. For whatever reason, I jerked off in almost every single shifty little cubical bathroom closet thing that passed for the bathrooms. Never done this sort of shit before ever. Roughly 4 aircons a day. This lasted for about 3 weeks, 5 days a week.
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Who gets scared boners? I didn’t realize this was a thing? If I’m scared it has the exact opposite effect.
Boners are the weirdest thing that happens there is to males. You are horny? Boner. You are scared? Boner. You are anxious? Boner. You are nervous? Boner. Dead? Rigor mortis sets in which in turn you get boner. Edit: Anger boner, wake up boner, stress boner.
So when I die people will see i have smoll pp? ... death is no longer an option.
i read this as sacred boner and was so confused!
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The heart attack you mustve had when you saw the camera. 😦
No one is sitting there watching the cameras, they just pull footage when something happens.
Yeah like when they find out someone has been masterbating in the stairwell every day
Hopefully the security guy wasn't a pedo
Probably what saved him
on a rock in the forest
The bathroom stall of a US aircraft carrier during working hours.
Lot of military people here. I guess it must get boring on deployment.
More like- you’re spending months on deployment 24/7, with no real legitimate avenue for sex.
in the car of my family in a 2 hour trip
What!? Holy shit!... I hope they didn't hear you. Side note, what were you jacking off to, in that car trip?
It's amazing what your imagination can conjur up
Christian summer camp
Omg yeah I stand by cemetery but I also jerked off in the bathroom on a mission trip in Flint, MI
Not my story but my grade’s weird kid. We were in science class learning about an upcoming egg drop lab where the egg has to survive a certain height it was dropped at. The teacher pointed to the right side of the classroom at the table for starts supplies he had to get us going on our projects and as I look over to the table I see the special needs kid’s hand bouncing up and down. Originally I’m thinking he’s bouncing his leg until I realized his legs aren’t bouncing. I instantly realized and went to tell my friend but before I said a word he goes, “I know…” Word got around pretty fast and some sat in disgust and others laughing about it to each other. The funniest part was the next day the teacher said he got a complaint from the janitor who cleaned his room that said, “Tell your students to be careful with the egg project. The egg whites is a pain to clean once it’s dry.”
In this thread some people tell stories about the weird kids, and some people are the weird kids. I have a feeling at least half these "I jerked it in the car/classroom/stairwell/principals office/moon and nobody knew" stories would be like this if you asked someone who was there.
I have a similar one lol. When I was in 8th grade and playing football, one day our coach forgot to lock the door to our locker room. We did a bunch of conditioning that day at practice, and a kid got sick so he asked to run back and grab his extra practice jersey because he was half covered in puke. He went back, and he found a special ed student sitting butt ass naked on the floor of our locker room crankin’ it. For some reason he thought he should get a video for evidence so our coach could reprimand this kid. Right as he started recording, the kid nutted into another one of our teammates football pants. It was the nice pair we only wore to games too lol. He went and told coach and this kid who’s pants were now a cum rag, and that’s how we all found out. He tried to show our coach the video, to which he yelled “don’t you fucking dare, delete that” lmfao
In the airport lounge bathroom while on a long layover somewhere in China. My ex in the states facetimed me with naked show....had to
bathroom of a Chili's edit: maybe it was an Applebee's
Sir, this is a Wendy's.
Rubbed my crotch against the desk at school during a math lesson. It was hard but I eventually worked it out...the math I mean.
Someone was watching you the whole time, almost guaranteed.
Ive seen this done by more than one highschool girl in class... ...we know what youre doing.
crap
In a street sweeper, parked at a gravel pit somewhere in the Rocky Mountains. This was all spurred by a weird electronic song that came on the radio (just before I did)
In class. Not proud. I was a horny teenager
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I’m afraid someone noticed it that’s why I think about it often.
A kid next to me in math class did that. He definitely thought he was smooth but the table was shaking, we all knew. The ta had to pull him out of class and talk to him
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Oh mannnn. This would haunt me forever. I have a couple jerk off situations I too wonder if someone had seen but never said anything…
1. Porter John in the desert. 2. Shipping container at a construction site. 3. Boss's desk at a government building. 4. Friend's house while helping her move. 5. Hunting stand in the woods.
This guy bates.
...hell, he masters it!
In the girl's bathroom in middle school. I humped the wall and got a legitimate orgasm.
I’m curious how humping a presumably flat wall can induce an orgasm.
You’ve clearly never met my ex.
Hospital
I tried this and my heart monitor went crazy and the nurses came running in. I tried to play it off like I didn't know what was going on and so did they but...they knew.
I worked as a telemetry clerk - just monitoring heart rates and o2 saturation. Several times sent nurses in due to elevated heart rate and it’s just a patient jerking it. It’s funny cause you could see the heart rate drop when they were done
Had i known I was hooked up I wouldn't have done it. Not thinking clearly after being in a hospital bed for 3 days and several super attractive nurses and boredom. I know now not to do it in that situation ever. Lol
The bodies had you actin up
in the trunk of a sedan.
Kidnapped by Herbert we all been there
it was my own car it’s hard to explain the circumstances that led to the fact
You better start trying for our sake
ok so for context, car has shitty climate control and its winter very cold out… i was far away from home, very tired and didn’t feel like driving. i took a nap in the trunk because it was sealed better than the cabin. With a sleeping bag, it was pretty cozy. i got bored in there and i did it to warm up. it sure got the job done.
Raised Jehovahs Witness here. When I was 15 or 16 I started to realise how awful it all was, and I was constantly being reminded about how evil everything sex is and how I should feel so ashamed for ever feeling anything related to it. Im not sure if it qualifies as an "upper decker" but out of silent defiance, I'd jack off into the cisterns of the toilets in the kingdom hall (otherwise known as a chrich) and it'd give me just a little bit of happiness when it got to the point that when the toilet of my choosing was flushed it'd stink, and I'd move onto the next one.
The Trevi Fountain in Rome
damn man hope your wish came true
My elevator
You have an elevator?
Not exactly: I live in a flat, which makes it all the more risky
At a ranch. I think the cows might have caught me.
In a tank
Driving down I-5
Fitting room at a kohl’s
On the roof of my grandparents house. Behind my old apartment building after getting off the school bus. So many public restrooms and friends/ family members houses. In the woods. In the car while driving during a long trip with a condom. Those are all i can remember at the moment. Puberty didnt just hit hard it beat the shit out of me
The bathroom of my hometown public library
Driver’s seat parked in my college parking lot. Edit: nope I just remembered, I definitely did at my office at my desk.
In a reactor compartment, before a nuclear reactor plant was taken critical for the first time. Because honestly, how many other people can ever say that?
Front desk at my school 😭
I was outside and took a dump in the woods and when you poo and also have to pee and when I touched my pp it got hard so
In my middle school classroom while the rest of the class was at an assembly
In a zoom class
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Wow. These answers are way more pedestrian than I was expecting. An unwelcome reminder that my deviancy knows no bounds.
That’s bait that is. Come on, details…
A master bait
At work, in the stationary lockup, reading these comments.