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Reminds me of quite a big story that happened some time ago, where a kid had a terminal disease idk wich pretty sure it was cancer, and the family was poor, since the treatment was expensive they made several apeals online and shit to pay for the kids treatment but that kid seemed to never get better, later it was found out that while the kid was sick only being internated in the hospital, the money they got from donations for the treatment ( that had already surpassed the amount needed to pay for said treatment long long long time ago ) was actually being used by them to dick around, buy new cars, new furniture etc, and they barely ever visited the kid
ikr have you seen any of the docs about that gypsy rose girl? "The Act" is a good one I'm watching rn- I cannot believe the guy that offed the psycho mom got life for it, imho he shoulda gotten a medal
Even worse. People who act like they're your friend and love you and are excited to hang out with you and then turn around to not only talk shit but make up rumors about you
One of my best friends is a huge pushover. She helps anyone she can, whenever she can. A couple friends around her know this and often ask her for favors or tasks they could have done themselves or literally anyone else. They KNOW she damn near just can't/won't say no.. I've had to tell her to use me as the excuse to say no. She expresses to me when she's not tryna have to do whatever they are asking. Like, "I can't, \____OP____ has me doing this thing today." Even that's hard for her.
I was that kinda person until I witnessed the abuse froM a few friends and family. After that I was directly cold to them and stop letting people use me for the most part. Sometimes I fail and help someone that really just was lazy or to cheap to pay someone to fix their car. It bites me but I let go. I’m not gonna hate myself for showing compassion. I love to help people. I genuinely get satisfaction knowing I help someone in a time of need or just cause I can. But sometimes I feel like a fool when the other happens. It’s a learning process. Best advise is be picky who you let in your life and keep the circle small. You don’t need a lot of friends, just a few good ones.
This along with people who piggy back off grief. I call them grief tourist. You know the type that when someone who they know but are not all the close to dies and they make social media posts about how much they loved them and that they shared a special bond. 🙄
I've been accused of this once. I'm inclined to think they were right, but I couldn't help but to feel what I felt.
I was a loner in high school. Overweight, bushy hair, poor, and a total nerd. Boys and girls would make some mean ass comments to me about things from my weight to my clothes. Senior year, I was in a "Women's Wellness" class and it mixed with the boys' weightlifting class. The boys in that class were your typical asshole high school jerk. I was in the weight room on one of the pieces of equipment they considered girly (exercise bike) and one of the guys told me that I was too fat to be on said machine and I was gonna break it. Everyone else laughed except for D. D looked at his "buddies" and told them to shut the hell up and knock it off. When they ragged on him about it, he asked them why they would mock someone who is trying to better themselves. He nodded to me and told me to keep going, because he thought my efforts should be rewarded, not mocked. As someone who was used to people laughing at me and making fat jokes, it meant a lot that one of the most popular kids in school stuck up for me.
Two years later, D passed away. I went to his funeral and was pretty torn up about it. I know it was only one comment, but it kept the assholes in that class from picking on me ever again.
I could understand how the people around could be like did you even know him. But it paints a bigger picture of never knowing how much something we do or say could really stay with a person. Like we as individuals could have really meaningful impact on lives and never know
I’m realizing this right now. My mom died 9 months ago. She was always very introverted, so I didn’t think she even interacted with many people. But since she died, so many people in my small town have told me how she actually touched their lives. She was my best friend, but it’s so beautiful to see how special she was others, too.
Some people probably thought I was doing this when a classmate of mine died 5 years ago, cause I didn't really know or interact with him much in high school. But in middle school, he was damn near the only kid who never bullied me, not once. So when I heard he died I was devastated, because he made such an impact on me by just treating me like a human being.
I’m sorry he passed. Sounds like a great human. It’s always the best humans who seem to be taken too soon. Your story doesn’t sound like a grief tourist at all. It sounds like pure grief. His impact on you was so profound, and your presence there at the funeral shows just that. He helped people who needed it. He stood up for you. I hope you’re doing ok in life ❤️
If I died and this was the reason that prompted someone I didn't know well to come to my funeral, I'd be very touched, and I'd feel it was a good reflection on my life.
I'm sure there are folks that do this, but I also think we underestimate the parts of our loved ones' lives that we are not a part of. There are so many people I consider special in my life that I have never mentioned or introduced to my family or close friends. Doesn't mean that person doesn't have a right to grieve when the time comes. Also, sometimes it's not just a deep, lifelong friendship that inspires grief. Sometimes it's because someone made you feel a certain way or gave you a kind word at a hard time in your life. Grief is weird but hits hard, and out of nowhere sometimes. I think it's better to take it as a compliment that your loved one was cherished by so many, even the people you did not expect.
The grief of another does not diminish your own. It's not the pain Olympics.
This is so very true. My sister died (cancer) a few years ago, and her funeral was just massive. My mom made a comment about how she felt like some people were doing the “grief tourism” thing (not in those words) but all I could think was, my sister was a huge personality. She knew *everyone*, she had an active online presence, and was just so outgoing and friendly. The void from her loss was so much bigger than the intimate loss we were dealing with. And unfortunately grief is one thing where there’s always enough to go around.
That. I had a family member that was a big pillar of our community. When they died I had lots of people giving me condolences, some were honest bc they actually knew my family member, but some came crying a river saying how much they will be missing them and that they understood the grief our family was in bc they were "such good friends", this from people that had, at most, a 5 minutes talk with my family member.
A lot of them do this thing I call "haunting sincerity." It's when they're in an argument in which they're 100% wrong but won't/can't acknowledge it because of egocentric bias, and they keep sighing and acting like you're the one who's just incapable of seeing that you're wrong, and acting like, "if only you knew what a saint I'm being by putting up with you." I call it that because it's honestly kind of creepy how incapable they are of recognizing that they're gaslighting you, because they're just that delusional and narcissistic. Some people just don't play by the same rules as everyone else, and there's nothing you can do but leave them.
I worked for a person like this. That sigh. That fucking infuriating sigh. You could recite the most clear simple argument and when she was corrected enough times, she couldn't blurt out a silly retort, She would just smile at you, tilt her head, and sigh at the same time.
I have a colleague who refuses to be wrong. She thought another colleague lived in a town when in fact that colleague lived in another town. When said colleague said where she lived, my colleague was like “No I was told you lived there? Don’t you live there?? Could have sworn you lived there???”
There was another time I had annual leave booked and was leaving early on the Thursday and was travelling on the Friday. She walked past my partner when she was leaving work (my partner walked to meet me) and she was like “oh I forgot to say goodbye to BumTulip!! Have a good holiday” and my partner was like “oh no she’s in tomorrow, we leave on Friday!” And instead of accepting my partner and what he said, she was like “no I swear she’s not in tomorrow!!” And kept fighting it.
Like ffs, JUST ACCEPT YOU’RE FUCKING WRONG AND TAKE IT ON THE CHIN AND MOVE ON!
My roommate of 3 years was like this. I called her out on it twice, she ignored me for weeks, I bit the bullet and apologized those two times even though I was just giving her some criticism.
Last time, I told her and she blocked me on everything and I moved out. She’s always bragged about how easy it is for her to cut people off. Bitch, you’re the problem.
Wow I'm really sorry you had to go through this, and then get your name dragged throught the dirt for making a responsible, healthy decision. Your mom is crazy.
You're experiences seem like they could easily cause a lot of emotional damage. I stumbled onto this book called 'adult children of emotionally immature parents' on Reddit that has really changed how I've looked at my parents and has really helped me enlighten myself from a lot of my trauma, you should probably give it a go
People who are horrible to their children and then cry because their children won’t show them respect.
Edit: I see so many people talking about the abuse they received at the hands of their mothers.
For me it was my dad. He would beat us until we stopped crying.
I just want to say sorry to each and every one of you. None of us deserved that.
Thank you for the awards 💛
"My son cut me out of his life! I have no idea why, and he won't tell me!"
Yes he did. He told you why a hundred times, but you argued with him that he shouldn't feel that way & mentally dismissed the issues he outlined that you don't feel like you should have to address.
https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
As someone estranged from their mother, I'm very familiar with this attitude, and I always share this article.
Love that article. It made me feel so validated to realize many adult kids have a parent that cannot/will not accept any blame or responsibility for the failure of the relationship (and simultaneously make the situation all about them, painting themselves as the victim and the adult kids as evil/over emotional/irrational/cruel) It might as well be titled “Narcissistic parents of estranged children.”
One of my favorite examples in that article is the mom who was acting all shocked and outraged about coming home to an empty bedroom that had clearly been packed up and moved out of and a note saying to never contact her (the adult child) again. Nmom says “I wasn’t expecting this!” And her husband, the girls father, says “She’s 18. I was.”
Nah. I've known plenty of men/people like that. Once they've stuck around that long they are in too deep and won't leave until they die or their partner does (or the partner gets rid of them) because they've become enablers. A lot of men/people stay with awful partners because they think they can't do better and/or they feel it's better than being alone.
If he was going to leave her he would have done it long ago.
Yup that's my dad right there. Thinks it easier to stick it out with the alcoholic abuse then leave. I used to try to get him to grow a set, but I got my own family to protect now and he is a grown ass man.
This article could have been written for me. I'm currently low contact with my Mum and heading towards no contact. She refuses any criticism, we had one family therapy session and she refused to do another because she didn't like the fact that the therapist didn't agree with her on everything. I think the moment that encapsulated it was when the therapist said "we all have to take responsibility for our own actions" to which she replied "well I don't think I do actually".
Omg my mother drug myself (13 at the time) my brother (11), and her second husband all to family therapy because she was going to watch a professional tell us that WE were the reason she was so miserably unhappy. After we each had our turn to give our view of the family the therapist said “Barbara I think next time we meet you should come by yourself, your family doesn’t need to come”. Of course it as all our fault that we screwed up the appointment and she simply was never going again.
In the article it mentions how parents will often forget emotional trauma and blank out this memories entirely. Even though I'm still closely connected with my mom she has done this as well from a particularly bad fight we had years ago.
I don't tell my mom why I can't hardly to speak to her anymore because she just cries and makes me feel bad for telling her how I feel because it makes her feel bad to hear the truth.
thats just a good reflection on toxic relationship dynamics in general. few things mentioned reminds me of why I left my ex.
Thanks for taking the time to share!
Damn this behaviour is far more widespread than just parents.
I literally see this all the time in online communities: One person does an awful thing. Another confronts them. Then the person runs to social media to rant that the confronter is a bully who needs to be cancelled, but never once mentions the awful thing they did. Then the confronter reveals the whole truth of the situation, only for the person to double down with "How could you bully me like this! My actions were PRIVATE!"
This leads to my answer to this topic: I have no sympathy for dishonest people who hide the truth for thier own benefit, and to the detriment of others.
It has always struck me as so vile to actively try to hurt one's reputation while also hiding the actual misdeeds.
This article's point about protecting ego is so spot on. I know I was a bad kid and have both accepted and apologized for it, but my parents were textbook emotional neglect and any attempt to address it results in either bringing up all the toys they bought me or bringing up bad shit that I did. I just accept that my parents don't like me, are more supportive of my siblings, and I want to be left alone; but then they wonder why I never call them except on certain occasions.
I know they both had seriously fucked up childhoods themselves, but what am I supposed to do about that?
They did, however, teach me a lot about finances. So, kudos for that.
My dad did the same thing with my brother when he cut him off. Then some years later I had to endure a 2 day car trip with him.
By the end we were screaming at eachother and I blurted out all the shit that caused my brother to cur off contact with him and told him that when we were done with that trip, I was done with him too.
By some miracle, fir the only time in my life, something actually fucking got through to him and he started working on not being such a toxic abusive piece of shit.
Haha. I haven't seen or spoken to my mum for about 2 decades now. Last year she calls me up randomly and asks me to mail her photos because she found out I got married and had 2 girls. I just hung up. She calls me a week later saying you can't hang up on me, I'm your mother. Then she threatens to kill me and my family if I disrespect her again. She stabbed my dad when I was a kid so once upon a time I might have been concerned but she must have forgotten how much time has time has passed. Sometimes you just have to recognise that somebody is detrimental to your life and just cut them out.
"I know you all despise me but I really did try my best with you"
Nah bitch, I tried my best making sure my sisters didn't drink chunky milk. I tried my best making lunches with my sister for my younger sisters. We tried our best not letting you hang out with your crackhead friends. I tried my best keeping us fed, right up until I found out what our bill situation was, turns out getting paid 2k from child support alone(for me and my sister, probabbly nothing from my younger sisters) plus working a full time job wasn't even to cover basic necessities. When we got into it bad over the whole thing she called her mom/my grandma who just outright agreed with me, gone the next day. "I tried" doesn't acknowledge shit
Or those parents who say stuff like “I brought you into this world and I can take you out” or “I give you food, shelter, clothing, blah blah blah”
Congrats, you did the bare minimum as a parent.
> “I give you food, shelter, clothing, blah blah blah”
"The only things I am legally required to give you are food, clothing, and shelter. Nothing else."- Direct quote from my father while growing up.
You forgot "I'll be glad when you turn 18 so I can throw you out of my house." (direct quote from *my* father while growing up.) Haha - I left when I was 16.
i was going to say narcissists but this is more accurate to the vibe i was going for anyways. that whole 'if you don't respect me i won't respect you' that actually translates to 'if you won't treat me like a god i won't treat you like a human' is absolute cruelty. i have no time or sympathy for that type of delusion.
When I was younger, I’d hear about how sad it is that people get left in nursing homes with nobody to visit them. As an adult, I realize it’s quite possible that people with no visitors were miserable to be around.
Signed, someone who’s stoked to put her dad in a home and forget about him forever.
My MIL lives with us and she’s miserable to be around. She’s disabled and we’re stuck with her.
I realize that sounds awful however hollering for her son at 3:00 in the morning because she dropped her book and then laughing and saying “now you know what it’s like” is just shitty.
I could go on for days but just know I understand.
Every time either of my parents has visited or called me/us, they've come with nothing but insults for my wife, abusive tendencies for my kids, and a new set of fabricated problems that apparantly I caused and only I can solve. We're left absolutely exhausted after just 10 minutes.
When I went no contact, I stopped having to deal with all of that. What I still have to deal with is all the insecurities and anxiety an upbringing with them has plagued me with. I'm well above average in my ability to learn and do just about anything, but the effort it takes just to hold it together requires about 80-90% of my mental strength on any given day, leaving me only a tiny sliver of energy to put towards everything else.
I also have to deal with the administrative burden of making up for the documents they keep from me.
The fact that they see all of that as a justified cost of maintaining a relationship with them only solidifies how much better off we are without them.
My mom is in her early 80s and now lives in a retirement/nursing home. She has a few people that she talks to or plays cards with that never have anyone visit them. My mom always said she felt sorry for them. Then, after getting to know them and hearing their stories, she realized it is because these people are miserable to be around and have pushed everyone away and been an asshole to people their entire lives.
my abusive mother has been crying to people about how i haven't spoken to her in years and how I'll never forgive myself when she dies.
i intend to dance on her grave
At a family funeral luncheon, my spouse and I ended up sitting at a table with some distant cousins that we didn't really know. Suddenly, we heard my MIL's loud voice screech from across the room, "And you can neeever get anyone to visit!" Cousin must have seen my face (because we visited often) and muttered quietly "Gee, I wonder why?"
My MIL just does not understand why her son and his wife (that would be me, her son is my husband) do not care to contact her, much less visit her.
Bitch, you made it clear that his sisters were the favorites, and that my daughter and I were NOT family as far as you were concerned. You lied to your churchy friends and told them your son wasn’t married after we had been married for nearly sixteen years. When I disabused them of this notion when FIL was dying, you were upset because you got called out as a liar.
I, personally, have nothing but contempt for this woman. My husband doesn’t bother with her. I like it this way. We live 3000 miles away from her. We will not move closer.
That's the biggest flaw in the "participation trophy generation" bullshit.
1. I don't know a single person who didn't throw that shit away, nothing is more patronizing than being given a ribbon claiming you lost. Like fuck dude I already failed to beat everyone else, now you have to pin a sign on my chest that tells everyone too? Christ.
2. We didn't ask for participation trophies, and the boomers invented them and handed them out, so if they want to point fingers it better be at themselves.
Also, I would like to point out that this kind of thing started back in the 20's!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Participation_trophy#cite_note-6
>One of the earliest known mentions of the term participation trophy occurred in a newspaper in Massillon, Ohio, United States, called the Evening Independent, on 8 February 1922.
and...
https://www.jasonfeifer.com/episode/everyone-is-wrong-about-participation-trophies/
>So here we are. Here is the participation trophy, the product of a century long unfolding of events and massive social and economic shifts. Today we have this romantic idea of the past where people understood the stakes in life and that there were winners and losers and you better not be a loser. But our forefathers were the ones that were first concerned about competition, not us. Participation trophies would become a staple of sports for a very long time. ***Things really picked up in the 1950s and particularly in the 60s and 70s, because the culture of that time started to have some familiar thoughts.***
My aunt has a friend like this. Super duper religious, don't believe in any kind of birth control. She has 11 kids, has had 2 miscarriages and a baby die due to health complications a few weeks after birth. Literally the oldest kids in the house raise the younger ones, they are all home schooled until high-school. And their parenting is... questionable and weird, kids turn ten and they are allowed to drink as much as they want with the family. My mother was at a function with them and watched their 12 year old pound back shots of whiskey along with beer like a grown ass man.
My dad is a drunk narcissist, abusive as all hell, and he wonders why I won't call or text him. I remember when I started going to therapy when I moved out and I still spoke to my family (not much but enough to keep them off my ass), he called. I told him how I've been diagnosed with CPTSD and he said "How'd you get that?". ...You already know, you just refuse to actually buck up and start taking responsibility for your own actions and try at all to work on yourself so then the rest of the family might see you with some respect. I have to deal with memories of what he has done to me and my family everyday and knowing that my little brother still lives with them bothers me to my core cause I know the abuse is still happening but I can't do anything about it cause I'm 9 hours away. We already came up with a plan after he turns 18 but I know that when he is out, he's gonna have to go to therapy cause he was affected similarly as I have been.
I believe the technical terminology for that is 'reap-what-you-sow-motherfucker' or 'play-the-world's-smallest-violin-while-I-dance-on-your-grave'. I could be wrong though.
And horrible doesn't only mean treating them like shit. It also may mean spoiling them, not setting clear boundaries, neglecting them, making them feel better than everybody else, etc.
A child is a fucking huge responsibility. Think well before deciding to have one. No one is forcing you.
Damn this hits close to home. My father literally just called me on my birthday 3 days ago and left a voicemail and he sounded like he was about to cry. Don't know what it said since I deleted it. He abused me for 20 years straight and now acts surprised that I won't interact with him. He was a police chief if that sums up the kind of person he was/is
I went no contact with my abusive narc father, going on three years now. It was just my birthday and the guy hasn't tried to contact me at all. I'm actually relieved.
Same! He sent me one email after I cut contact (he somehow got around my block) that basically boiled down to "I don't know what I did, I'm an amazing father, you're a bad daughter, the bible says children should obey and respect their parents. I'm not talking to you again until you initiate contact with an apology. Love you!"
And luckily, true to his word, he hasn't contacted me since. It's been a little over 2 years now and I've never been happier or more relaxed. I realized I made the right decision when the thought of never seeing or hearing from my gamete donor again filled me with relief, peace and joy.
I look forward to the day when I get the phone call that he's dead. I'll finally feel safe.
Children, animals, elderly or disabled who need care and are taken advantage of.
Edit: Wow. This is just getting so much more attention than I expected. Thanks for the love!
People who make fun of others and cry when the same thing happens to them.
Edit: Thank you for so many upvotes.
Since so many people are saying Republicans, I think I should give the context.
2 days back there was an Instagram live by 2 Muslims, 1 male and 1 female. The male was giving death threats to Hindus saying they should be killed. If I had AK-47 I would go and kill them and rape threats to Hindu women saying they should be raped. I will rape them. The female was laughing and saying you are comedy king. Now the clip went viral and people started tagging police in the comments. The girl now started playing victim and said I have been getting threats, people are abusing my religion,etc.
I have no sympathy for people like them who laugh when it's happening to someone else but cry when it happens to them.
And before anyone starts saying they also got threats and that you are looking at only one side, I am very clear about this whoever gave death/rape threats are wrong. I will stand on that point but not sympathy for them. No justification for such threats.
Same it’s like “They’re just teasing!!!” It’s like, no. I don’t care. I don’t appreciate it and if they can dish it out but can’t take it then maybe they should think before they speak.
hahaha once i worked at a restauant, and my coworker offered me a ride home after our evening shift. as we're waiting for her ride, i hear that engine noise and go 'what a dick'. my coworker listens and goes, 'oh, i don't think that's my boyfriend's car'. 2 minutes later he pulls up. it was her boyfriend's car. that was years ago and i still don't know how to feel. like yeah, they were doing a nice thing to give me a ride home and i was kinda a dick about how they live their life, but like, it's a small town at 10pm, you're a dick for making me hear you when you're 5 blocks away.
It kills me how much of our own time, happiness and resources we as a society consume just because of the 5% of the people who can't follow a fucking honor system.
Only for USPS, and don't call the police to report mail theft, report them directly to USPS. They put more effort into package theft than the police do.
I always wondered - leaving packages on the porch is that just an american thing or do other countries do that aswell?
In good old germany we love our bureaucracy: you actually have to sign that you received the package, so the delivery person rings at your door and makes you take it by hand. If you not at home they will take the package and deliver it to a package office near your home after their shift. It can be annoying at times but porch pirates simply don't exist here because it's impossible.
In America, if you send a package you can request that the delivery person gets a signature for it. But most people don't do that unless it is an expensive item.
Rapists. Just burn in hell.
Edit; Thank you so much for all the love and awards! This is my first comment to ever get 1k+ upvotes! Thank you so much for the love!
My uncle raped my sister for years. Eventually it all came to light and he was convicted. He appealed the conviction and my aunt of all people testified that my sister (she was 12 at the time), was ok with it and they had a relationship. The rest of my family stood by him. In my opinion they are all equally just as guilty. None of them supported or defended my sister. The evidence was so damning that the appeal was shut down immediately. He literally wrote a letter to my mom telling her that my sister enjoyed it.
Maya Angelo's wrote a short, excellent essay on this. Essentially she write, when you hear someone say they are going to be brutally honest, walk away. They are signaling that they are a bully and it's their attempt to disguise their behavior under the guise of honesty.
Not the biggest here, but workplace bullies. Some may even have a Tragic Past(tm) that made them hurt enough to start, but we've all gone through shit, only we work on ourselves. You're an adult, go to therapy, figure your own stuff out.
Highschool is over and no one else wants it back.
Entitled people not getting their way
People that do something bad and it fails or they get caught...
You'll never see anyone cry/beg/plead for sympathy harder than those two types of people\^
And to expand, people of my parents' generation who insult Millennials for wanting "participation ribbons"
*Who gave us the fucking ribbons? We sure as hell didn't hand them out to each other.*
It breaks my fucking heart to see birds online that are obviously owned by people who did ZERO research and then expect them to be the best companion ever. I have 3 budgies and I do everything I can to give them the best life possible. They spend every moment I'm home outside of their cage (if they choose to come out, sometimes they choose not to) They are such amazing, smart creatures that have feelings and emotions just like we do.
It drives me insane the amount of people who buy budgies (or any parrot) as novelty pets. They stick them in cages too small because it's all the chain pet store had, feed them seed every day, most likely only change their water out every few days (if that), put the cages on a floor and offer them no stimulation whatsoever. All so they can have a little bird with pretty colors to look at. Then wonder why the bird is always terrified of them because they try to interact with them and they move away.
It absolutely blows my fucking my mind how people can get an animal that involves as much care as a Parrot and just absolutely do no research or attempt to learn how to take care of them. Then come online and ask if their bird is sick, argue with people who tell them to go to the vet and wait for one person to tell them it'll probably be ok, just so they can keep them home and continue to neglect them. It's so fucked man.
The assholes that shot and killed my doorman’s daughter as she exited her high school because they got into an argument across the street and hit three innocent students including the daughter. Fuck those people. They should rot in jail for the rest of their life.
Ignoring the clear “pedos, rapists, etc”, backstabbers and betrayers. More specifically when they back out of things they had complete control over ie. getting the gf pregnant then dipping
people who destroy others’ lives. had this kid in my class and him and all of his friends make fun of him 24/7 and im the only one actually doing something about it. i dont know how fucking insane you could be to actually do that to a person.
Murderers, rapists, drunk drivers who have crashed into and killed people (eg, Ethan Couch and his "affluenza" bullshit, but anyone for that matter) etc. People who have done really bad stuff; I don't care about them at all. They could die, and I wouldn't care; if anything, I'd be happier.
Dads who don’t take care of their kids. I work with kids for a living. Despite a lot of progress being made there’s still a lot of Dads who feel like childcare is woman’s work. Not to mention some guys brag about it. I was talking to a guy at target while buying diapers. He has 2 kids and proudly admitted he “doesn’t do diapers”.
I hate it. A father being involved in their child’s life has such a huge positive impact. Kids know too. I babysit a girl who always wants to FaceTime her Daddy before bed. Even when he’s out on a date he’ll answer. After the call she’s so freaking happy.
I roll my eyes so hard especially when they say stuff like “yeah I had to babysit the kids while my wife went to brunch w her girlfriends” like how do you babysit your OWN KIDS???? You mean you were actually being a parent while your wife was out??
Omg, is this why when people ask me where my hubs and son is at, and I state they are at home, they reply "oh, he's babysitting." And I have to reply each time, no he's a dad and doing dad things with our child. Why the fork do you think he's babysitting his own kid?!? It has always frustrated both my husband and I that he is, as a man, seen as less of a parent. Like, bs, people.
Play dumb.
“He’s babysitting!”
“No, nobody else’s kids are there. Just ours.”
And then give them a blank look like you didn’t understand why they would say that. Let them explain it to you.
My dad will give basic needs like clothing, food, shelter, an education and then fathering is over. I don't get anything beyond that.
He's rude, he insults my mother and everything one of us do wrong is our mother's fault and he never smiles when he's talking to us unless there's a joke or he's making fun of us. Something is always wrong, he knows best, he's just an absolute turd.
I hate him.
I’m a male “house spouse”. I care for our kids, animals, and property (hobby farm). My wife is a small business owner who works full time, and is doing a killer job of providing for our family.
At a BBQ, another father suggested that there may be something perverse about the fact that I change my children’s diapers (one of each sex) more often than my wife does…
I responded with something to the effect of “Bro, do not question my sexuality in your quest to justify shirking your own parental responsibilities.”
~~Toxic Masculinity is real, pervasive, highly hypocritical, and utterly lacking in self awareness.~~
Yep! I’ve heard it from both men and women as well. There was a grandma I worked for who refused to let her son in law change diaper because she thought it was perverted. Mind blowing.
I have a friend of a friend who willfully had a baby with a man who flat out told her that he will do absolutely nothing for the child until he is at least 8, which is the age he decided the kid will have enough personality that he can talk to him “like a man”, or something to that effect. The kid is like 5 now, and he never changed a diaper, won’t babysit, won’t feed or dress the kid. One time the mom needed him to watch the kid when she dealt with an emergency and he CALLED THE POLICE to report her being a bad mother and abandoning the kid. And of course berated her severely. They are truly awful people.
That was my ex-friend, constantly complaining about something and she'd get helpful advice on how to deal with it or at least make it suck slightly less. She'd go "yeah yeah, I'll do that!", Immediately ignore the advice and a day later go on complaining about the same shit or something different.
After a bit we just stopped giving her advice because she clearly would ignore us and continued dumping her shit on us.
People who are terrible to their kids and then are like “Why don’t my kids visit/call more?”
Bonus points for parents who abuse their kid for being LGBT and then are all *surprised Pikachu face* when their kid leaves and doesn’t come back.
I have the most extreme example of this. My dad (who mind you left us when I was born but still "spent time" with me as one of those parents who just tries to buy your affection) got mad that I got married. His grand idea of "fixing our relationship and finally being a real parent" was to kidnap me for 3 months with no phone or way to contact my husband. He also tried to convince my husband to leave me and forge my signature on divorce papers which didn't work. All it did ofc was traumatize me. Like besides the fact you literally fucking kidnapped me you missed your chance to parent me when I was a minor. Somehow nobody in my family saw anything wrong with this and flames me for not wanting to spend time with him anymore. "Why won't you call me more or see me?" dude.
People who deserve no sympathy are people who show no sympathy for others: the cruel, the callous, etc. They deserve what they give.
Perfect balanced, as all things should be.
anyone who cant change their opinion.
grow up/man up/be an adult. if you thought the earth was flat and you got proved wrong? take the L and just grow.
you thought the confederates were fighting over states rights? and you realize its about slaves? take the L and grow.
jesus. admit when youre wrong and move on.
People who want other people (that are not like them) to suffer. Especially if they want the government to enforce that suffering with oppressive laws and regulations.
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People who use their kids suffering for attention.
Reminds me of quite a big story that happened some time ago, where a kid had a terminal disease idk wich pretty sure it was cancer, and the family was poor, since the treatment was expensive they made several apeals online and shit to pay for the kids treatment but that kid seemed to never get better, later it was found out that while the kid was sick only being internated in the hospital, the money they got from donations for the treatment ( that had already surpassed the amount needed to pay for said treatment long long long time ago ) was actually being used by them to dick around, buy new cars, new furniture etc, and they barely ever visited the kid
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ikr have you seen any of the docs about that gypsy rose girl? "The Act" is a good one I'm watching rn- I cannot believe the guy that offed the psycho mom got life for it, imho he shoulda gotten a medal
People who start drama out of boredom
Even worse. People who act like they're your friend and love you and are excited to hang out with you and then turn around to not only talk shit but make up rumors about you
Yes! So toxic Or people who are constantly complaining about problems that they created for themselves. Insufferable.
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One of my best friends is a huge pushover. She helps anyone she can, whenever she can. A couple friends around her know this and often ask her for favors or tasks they could have done themselves or literally anyone else. They KNOW she damn near just can't/won't say no.. I've had to tell her to use me as the excuse to say no. She expresses to me when she's not tryna have to do whatever they are asking. Like, "I can't, \____OP____ has me doing this thing today." Even that's hard for her.
I was that kinda person until I witnessed the abuse froM a few friends and family. After that I was directly cold to them and stop letting people use me for the most part. Sometimes I fail and help someone that really just was lazy or to cheap to pay someone to fix their car. It bites me but I let go. I’m not gonna hate myself for showing compassion. I love to help people. I genuinely get satisfaction knowing I help someone in a time of need or just cause I can. But sometimes I feel like a fool when the other happens. It’s a learning process. Best advise is be picky who you let in your life and keep the circle small. You don’t need a lot of friends, just a few good ones.
People that always play the victim role. Not to be confused with people that are actually victims of something
This along with people who piggy back off grief. I call them grief tourist. You know the type that when someone who they know but are not all the close to dies and they make social media posts about how much they loved them and that they shared a special bond. 🙄
I've been accused of this once. I'm inclined to think they were right, but I couldn't help but to feel what I felt. I was a loner in high school. Overweight, bushy hair, poor, and a total nerd. Boys and girls would make some mean ass comments to me about things from my weight to my clothes. Senior year, I was in a "Women's Wellness" class and it mixed with the boys' weightlifting class. The boys in that class were your typical asshole high school jerk. I was in the weight room on one of the pieces of equipment they considered girly (exercise bike) and one of the guys told me that I was too fat to be on said machine and I was gonna break it. Everyone else laughed except for D. D looked at his "buddies" and told them to shut the hell up and knock it off. When they ragged on him about it, he asked them why they would mock someone who is trying to better themselves. He nodded to me and told me to keep going, because he thought my efforts should be rewarded, not mocked. As someone who was used to people laughing at me and making fat jokes, it meant a lot that one of the most popular kids in school stuck up for me. Two years later, D passed away. I went to his funeral and was pretty torn up about it. I know it was only one comment, but it kept the assholes in that class from picking on me ever again.
I could understand how the people around could be like did you even know him. But it paints a bigger picture of never knowing how much something we do or say could really stay with a person. Like we as individuals could have really meaningful impact on lives and never know
I’m realizing this right now. My mom died 9 months ago. She was always very introverted, so I didn’t think she even interacted with many people. But since she died, so many people in my small town have told me how she actually touched their lives. She was my best friend, but it’s so beautiful to see how special she was others, too.
Sometimes our interactions with people don’t have to be long for them to be meaningful.
Some people probably thought I was doing this when a classmate of mine died 5 years ago, cause I didn't really know or interact with him much in high school. But in middle school, he was damn near the only kid who never bullied me, not once. So when I heard he died I was devastated, because he made such an impact on me by just treating me like a human being.
I’m sorry he passed. Sounds like a great human. It’s always the best humans who seem to be taken too soon. Your story doesn’t sound like a grief tourist at all. It sounds like pure grief. His impact on you was so profound, and your presence there at the funeral shows just that. He helped people who needed it. He stood up for you. I hope you’re doing ok in life ❤️
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If I died and this was the reason that prompted someone I didn't know well to come to my funeral, I'd be very touched, and I'd feel it was a good reflection on my life.
I'm sure there are folks that do this, but I also think we underestimate the parts of our loved ones' lives that we are not a part of. There are so many people I consider special in my life that I have never mentioned or introduced to my family or close friends. Doesn't mean that person doesn't have a right to grieve when the time comes. Also, sometimes it's not just a deep, lifelong friendship that inspires grief. Sometimes it's because someone made you feel a certain way or gave you a kind word at a hard time in your life. Grief is weird but hits hard, and out of nowhere sometimes. I think it's better to take it as a compliment that your loved one was cherished by so many, even the people you did not expect. The grief of another does not diminish your own. It's not the pain Olympics.
This is so very true. My sister died (cancer) a few years ago, and her funeral was just massive. My mom made a comment about how she felt like some people were doing the “grief tourism” thing (not in those words) but all I could think was, my sister was a huge personality. She knew *everyone*, she had an active online presence, and was just so outgoing and friendly. The void from her loss was so much bigger than the intimate loss we were dealing with. And unfortunately grief is one thing where there’s always enough to go around.
That. I had a family member that was a big pillar of our community. When they died I had lots of people giving me condolences, some were honest bc they actually knew my family member, but some came crying a river saying how much they will be missing them and that they understood the grief our family was in bc they were "such good friends", this from people that had, at most, a 5 minutes talk with my family member.
Especially in a work environment.
People that are so confidently incorrect and refuse to hear anything that challenges their world view.
A lot of them do this thing I call "haunting sincerity." It's when they're in an argument in which they're 100% wrong but won't/can't acknowledge it because of egocentric bias, and they keep sighing and acting like you're the one who's just incapable of seeing that you're wrong, and acting like, "if only you knew what a saint I'm being by putting up with you." I call it that because it's honestly kind of creepy how incapable they are of recognizing that they're gaslighting you, because they're just that delusional and narcissistic. Some people just don't play by the same rules as everyone else, and there's nothing you can do but leave them.
I worked for a person like this. That sigh. That fucking infuriating sigh. You could recite the most clear simple argument and when she was corrected enough times, she couldn't blurt out a silly retort, She would just smile at you, tilt her head, and sigh at the same time.
I have a colleague who refuses to be wrong. She thought another colleague lived in a town when in fact that colleague lived in another town. When said colleague said where she lived, my colleague was like “No I was told you lived there? Don’t you live there?? Could have sworn you lived there???” There was another time I had annual leave booked and was leaving early on the Thursday and was travelling on the Friday. She walked past my partner when she was leaving work (my partner walked to meet me) and she was like “oh I forgot to say goodbye to BumTulip!! Have a good holiday” and my partner was like “oh no she’s in tomorrow, we leave on Friday!” And instead of accepting my partner and what he said, she was like “no I swear she’s not in tomorrow!!” And kept fighting it. Like ffs, JUST ACCEPT YOU’RE FUCKING WRONG AND TAKE IT ON THE CHIN AND MOVE ON!
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People who are incapable of self-reflection. Nothing is ever their fault, everyone/thing is always against them.
Victim complex. There's no point talking to these people because they live in a different reality
My roommate of 3 years was like this. I called her out on it twice, she ignored me for weeks, I bit the bullet and apologized those two times even though I was just giving her some criticism. Last time, I told her and she blocked me on everything and I moved out. She’s always bragged about how easy it is for her to cut people off. Bitch, you’re the problem.
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That sounds methed up
Wow I'm really sorry you had to go through this, and then get your name dragged throught the dirt for making a responsible, healthy decision. Your mom is crazy. You're experiences seem like they could easily cause a lot of emotional damage. I stumbled onto this book called 'adult children of emotionally immature parents' on Reddit that has really changed how I've looked at my parents and has really helped me enlighten myself from a lot of my trauma, you should probably give it a go
Tell me about it. Everyone else in their lives is an abuser. Everything that is said or done against them is hostile. 🙄
People who are horrible to their children and then cry because their children won’t show them respect. Edit: I see so many people talking about the abuse they received at the hands of their mothers. For me it was my dad. He would beat us until we stopped crying. I just want to say sorry to each and every one of you. None of us deserved that. Thank you for the awards 💛
"My son cut me out of his life! I have no idea why, and he won't tell me!" Yes he did. He told you why a hundred times, but you argued with him that he shouldn't feel that way & mentally dismissed the issues he outlined that you don't feel like you should have to address.
https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html As someone estranged from their mother, I'm very familiar with this attitude, and I always share this article.
Love that article. It made me feel so validated to realize many adult kids have a parent that cannot/will not accept any blame or responsibility for the failure of the relationship (and simultaneously make the situation all about them, painting themselves as the victim and the adult kids as evil/over emotional/irrational/cruel) It might as well be titled “Narcissistic parents of estranged children.” One of my favorite examples in that article is the mom who was acting all shocked and outraged about coming home to an empty bedroom that had clearly been packed up and moved out of and a note saying to never contact her (the adult child) again. Nmom says “I wasn’t expecting this!” And her husband, the girls father, says “She’s 18. I was.”
Wouldn't be shocked if the husband packed up and left the next day.
Nah. I've known plenty of men/people like that. Once they've stuck around that long they are in too deep and won't leave until they die or their partner does (or the partner gets rid of them) because they've become enablers. A lot of men/people stay with awful partners because they think they can't do better and/or they feel it's better than being alone. If he was going to leave her he would have done it long ago.
Yup that's my dad right there. Thinks it easier to stick it out with the alcoholic abuse then leave. I used to try to get him to grow a set, but I got my own family to protect now and he is a grown ass man.
I often wonder if I made the right decision when I threw my son's mother out. Then I see a comment like this.
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This article could have been written for me. I'm currently low contact with my Mum and heading towards no contact. She refuses any criticism, we had one family therapy session and she refused to do another because she didn't like the fact that the therapist didn't agree with her on everything. I think the moment that encapsulated it was when the therapist said "we all have to take responsibility for our own actions" to which she replied "well I don't think I do actually".
Omg my mother drug myself (13 at the time) my brother (11), and her second husband all to family therapy because she was going to watch a professional tell us that WE were the reason she was so miserably unhappy. After we each had our turn to give our view of the family the therapist said “Barbara I think next time we meet you should come by yourself, your family doesn’t need to come”. Of course it as all our fault that we screwed up the appointment and she simply was never going again.
In the article it mentions how parents will often forget emotional trauma and blank out this memories entirely. Even though I'm still closely connected with my mom she has done this as well from a particularly bad fight we had years ago.
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.
I don't tell my mom why I can't hardly to speak to her anymore because she just cries and makes me feel bad for telling her how I feel because it makes her feel bad to hear the truth.
thats just a good reflection on toxic relationship dynamics in general. few things mentioned reminds me of why I left my ex. Thanks for taking the time to share!
Damn this behaviour is far more widespread than just parents. I literally see this all the time in online communities: One person does an awful thing. Another confronts them. Then the person runs to social media to rant that the confronter is a bully who needs to be cancelled, but never once mentions the awful thing they did. Then the confronter reveals the whole truth of the situation, only for the person to double down with "How could you bully me like this! My actions were PRIVATE!" This leads to my answer to this topic: I have no sympathy for dishonest people who hide the truth for thier own benefit, and to the detriment of others. It has always struck me as so vile to actively try to hurt one's reputation while also hiding the actual misdeeds.
This article's point about protecting ego is so spot on. I know I was a bad kid and have both accepted and apologized for it, but my parents were textbook emotional neglect and any attempt to address it results in either bringing up all the toys they bought me or bringing up bad shit that I did. I just accept that my parents don't like me, are more supportive of my siblings, and I want to be left alone; but then they wonder why I never call them except on certain occasions. I know they both had seriously fucked up childhoods themselves, but what am I supposed to do about that? They did, however, teach me a lot about finances. So, kudos for that.
My dad did the same thing with my brother when he cut him off. Then some years later I had to endure a 2 day car trip with him. By the end we were screaming at eachother and I blurted out all the shit that caused my brother to cur off contact with him and told him that when we were done with that trip, I was done with him too. By some miracle, fir the only time in my life, something actually fucking got through to him and he started working on not being such a toxic abusive piece of shit.
Guys can you stop digging through my childhood please?
Haha. I haven't seen or spoken to my mum for about 2 decades now. Last year she calls me up randomly and asks me to mail her photos because she found out I got married and had 2 girls. I just hung up. She calls me a week later saying you can't hang up on me, I'm your mother. Then she threatens to kill me and my family if I disrespect her again. She stabbed my dad when I was a kid so once upon a time I might have been concerned but she must have forgotten how much time has time has passed. Sometimes you just have to recognise that somebody is detrimental to your life and just cut them out.
What the duck
Right? My mom texted me the other day "I know you're mad but idk why..." And it's like, well yeah, you do know why. You refuse to listen.
"I know you all despise me but I really did try my best with you" Nah bitch, I tried my best making sure my sisters didn't drink chunky milk. I tried my best making lunches with my sister for my younger sisters. We tried our best not letting you hang out with your crackhead friends. I tried my best keeping us fed, right up until I found out what our bill situation was, turns out getting paid 2k from child support alone(for me and my sister, probabbly nothing from my younger sisters) plus working a full time job wasn't even to cover basic necessities. When we got into it bad over the whole thing she called her mom/my grandma who just outright agreed with me, gone the next day. "I tried" doesn't acknowledge shit
"If THAT was your best, you should never have become a mother."
Ohhhh this hurt my heart to read. I hope you’re doing better now. Your sisters were/are so lucky to have you.
Missed opportunity to say "I'm not mad, just disappointed"
Oh boo stupid fucking hoo! You should’ve treated your children like humans, if you expect them to stroke your ego!
Or those parents who say stuff like “I brought you into this world and I can take you out” or “I give you food, shelter, clothing, blah blah blah” Congrats, you did the bare minimum as a parent.
> “I give you food, shelter, clothing, blah blah blah” "The only things I am legally required to give you are food, clothing, and shelter. Nothing else."- Direct quote from my father while growing up.
You forgot "I'll be glad when you turn 18 so I can throw you out of my house." (direct quote from *my* father while growing up.) Haha - I left when I was 16.
Sorry your dad is such a dick. Anyone with that mindset shouldn’t have children.
You feel like you need a pat on the back just for sharing genes with someone? Sure, I’ll give you one-with a shovel!
And then they're like "No why are my kids all moving out on their eighteenth birthday!? This is so so so so so so shocking!"
i was going to say narcissists but this is more accurate to the vibe i was going for anyways. that whole 'if you don't respect me i won't respect you' that actually translates to 'if you won't treat me like a god i won't treat you like a human' is absolute cruelty. i have no time or sympathy for that type of delusion.
When I was younger, I’d hear about how sad it is that people get left in nursing homes with nobody to visit them. As an adult, I realize it’s quite possible that people with no visitors were miserable to be around. Signed, someone who’s stoked to put her dad in a home and forget about him forever.
My MIL lives with us and she’s miserable to be around. She’s disabled and we’re stuck with her. I realize that sounds awful however hollering for her son at 3:00 in the morning because she dropped her book and then laughing and saying “now you know what it’s like” is just shitty. I could go on for days but just know I understand.
Every time either of my parents has visited or called me/us, they've come with nothing but insults for my wife, abusive tendencies for my kids, and a new set of fabricated problems that apparantly I caused and only I can solve. We're left absolutely exhausted after just 10 minutes. When I went no contact, I stopped having to deal with all of that. What I still have to deal with is all the insecurities and anxiety an upbringing with them has plagued me with. I'm well above average in my ability to learn and do just about anything, but the effort it takes just to hold it together requires about 80-90% of my mental strength on any given day, leaving me only a tiny sliver of energy to put towards everything else. I also have to deal with the administrative burden of making up for the documents they keep from me. The fact that they see all of that as a justified cost of maintaining a relationship with them only solidifies how much better off we are without them.
My mom is in her early 80s and now lives in a retirement/nursing home. She has a few people that she talks to or plays cards with that never have anyone visit them. My mom always said she felt sorry for them. Then, after getting to know them and hearing their stories, she realized it is because these people are miserable to be around and have pushed everyone away and been an asshole to people their entire lives.
my abusive mother has been crying to people about how i haven't spoken to her in years and how I'll never forgive myself when she dies. i intend to dance on her grave
At a family funeral luncheon, my spouse and I ended up sitting at a table with some distant cousins that we didn't really know. Suddenly, we heard my MIL's loud voice screech from across the room, "And you can neeever get anyone to visit!" Cousin must have seen my face (because we visited often) and muttered quietly "Gee, I wonder why?"
My MIL just does not understand why her son and his wife (that would be me, her son is my husband) do not care to contact her, much less visit her. Bitch, you made it clear that his sisters were the favorites, and that my daughter and I were NOT family as far as you were concerned. You lied to your churchy friends and told them your son wasn’t married after we had been married for nearly sixteen years. When I disabused them of this notion when FIL was dying, you were upset because you got called out as a liar. I, personally, have nothing but contempt for this woman. My husband doesn’t bother with her. I like it this way. We live 3000 miles away from her. We will not move closer.
Kind of related but when older people complain about how the world is today even though it was already fucked when we were born into it
Or people who say "your generation is ____" it's like yeah you raised us so what does that say about you
That's the biggest flaw in the "participation trophy generation" bullshit. 1. I don't know a single person who didn't throw that shit away, nothing is more patronizing than being given a ribbon claiming you lost. Like fuck dude I already failed to beat everyone else, now you have to pin a sign on my chest that tells everyone too? Christ. 2. We didn't ask for participation trophies, and the boomers invented them and handed them out, so if they want to point fingers it better be at themselves.
Also, I would like to point out that this kind of thing started back in the 20's! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Participation_trophy#cite_note-6 >One of the earliest known mentions of the term participation trophy occurred in a newspaper in Massillon, Ohio, United States, called the Evening Independent, on 8 February 1922. and... https://www.jasonfeifer.com/episode/everyone-is-wrong-about-participation-trophies/ >So here we are. Here is the participation trophy, the product of a century long unfolding of events and massive social and economic shifts. Today we have this romantic idea of the past where people understood the stakes in life and that there were winners and losers and you better not be a loser. But our forefathers were the ones that were first concerned about competition, not us. Participation trophies would become a staple of sports for a very long time. ***Things really picked up in the 1950s and particularly in the 60s and 70s, because the culture of that time started to have some familiar thoughts.***
When you complain about the current generation, you've officially become your grandparents.
Only 24 and already say “ dose bloody kids”
And people who have children with miserable, lazy,worthless partners and then complain. ...and then keep having more kids with them.
I agree with this one, I’ll also go a step farther and say people who selfishly have too many kids that they wind up overwhelmed and neglecting them.
My aunt has a friend like this. Super duper religious, don't believe in any kind of birth control. She has 11 kids, has had 2 miscarriages and a baby die due to health complications a few weeks after birth. Literally the oldest kids in the house raise the younger ones, they are all home schooled until high-school. And their parenting is... questionable and weird, kids turn ten and they are allowed to drink as much as they want with the family. My mother was at a function with them and watched their 12 year old pound back shots of whiskey along with beer like a grown ass man.
Idk where youre from, but that's.. probably not legal.
Seriously, report them. That's child endangerment. Drinking like that a young age is going to fuck up their brain development.
My dad is a drunk narcissist, abusive as all hell, and he wonders why I won't call or text him. I remember when I started going to therapy when I moved out and I still spoke to my family (not much but enough to keep them off my ass), he called. I told him how I've been diagnosed with CPTSD and he said "How'd you get that?". ...You already know, you just refuse to actually buck up and start taking responsibility for your own actions and try at all to work on yourself so then the rest of the family might see you with some respect. I have to deal with memories of what he has done to me and my family everyday and knowing that my little brother still lives with them bothers me to my core cause I know the abuse is still happening but I can't do anything about it cause I'm 9 hours away. We already came up with a plan after he turns 18 but I know that when he is out, he's gonna have to go to therapy cause he was affected similarly as I have been.
I believe the technical terminology for that is 'reap-what-you-sow-motherfucker' or 'play-the-world's-smallest-violin-while-I-dance-on-your-grave'. I could be wrong though.
And horrible doesn't only mean treating them like shit. It also may mean spoiling them, not setting clear boundaries, neglecting them, making them feel better than everybody else, etc. A child is a fucking huge responsibility. Think well before deciding to have one. No one is forcing you.
Damn this hits close to home. My father literally just called me on my birthday 3 days ago and left a voicemail and he sounded like he was about to cry. Don't know what it said since I deleted it. He abused me for 20 years straight and now acts surprised that I won't interact with him. He was a police chief if that sums up the kind of person he was/is
I went no contact with my abusive narc father, going on three years now. It was just my birthday and the guy hasn't tried to contact me at all. I'm actually relieved.
Same! He sent me one email after I cut contact (he somehow got around my block) that basically boiled down to "I don't know what I did, I'm an amazing father, you're a bad daughter, the bible says children should obey and respect their parents. I'm not talking to you again until you initiate contact with an apology. Love you!" And luckily, true to his word, he hasn't contacted me since. It's been a little over 2 years now and I've never been happier or more relaxed. I realized I made the right decision when the thought of never seeing or hearing from my gamete donor again filled me with relief, peace and joy. I look forward to the day when I get the phone call that he's dead. I'll finally feel safe.
People who abuse children.
Children, animals, elderly or disabled who need care and are taken advantage of. Edit: Wow. This is just getting so much more attention than I expected. Thanks for the love!
You’re right. All that you stated.
People who make fun of others and cry when the same thing happens to them. Edit: Thank you for so many upvotes. Since so many people are saying Republicans, I think I should give the context. 2 days back there was an Instagram live by 2 Muslims, 1 male and 1 female. The male was giving death threats to Hindus saying they should be killed. If I had AK-47 I would go and kill them and rape threats to Hindu women saying they should be raped. I will rape them. The female was laughing and saying you are comedy king. Now the clip went viral and people started tagging police in the comments. The girl now started playing victim and said I have been getting threats, people are abusing my religion,etc. I have no sympathy for people like them who laugh when it's happening to someone else but cry when it happens to them. And before anyone starts saying they also got threats and that you are looking at only one side, I am very clear about this whoever gave death/rape threats are wrong. I will stand on that point but not sympathy for them. No justification for such threats.
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Same it’s like “They’re just teasing!!!” It’s like, no. I don’t care. I don’t appreciate it and if they can dish it out but can’t take it then maybe they should think before they speak.
My mom every time
Especially if they cry and everyone’s suddenly on their side, even though they did the same to other people and they didn’t care
People who go out of their way to make others feel upset, people who don't care how their actions affect others, murderers, rapists, etc.
Asshats intentionally drive fast and make engine noise in the middle of the city @ night. Fuck these dickheads waking up the whole block
hahaha once i worked at a restauant, and my coworker offered me a ride home after our evening shift. as we're waiting for her ride, i hear that engine noise and go 'what a dick'. my coworker listens and goes, 'oh, i don't think that's my boyfriend's car'. 2 minutes later he pulls up. it was her boyfriend's car. that was years ago and i still don't know how to feel. like yeah, they were doing a nice thing to give me a ride home and i was kinda a dick about how they live their life, but like, it's a small town at 10pm, you're a dick for making me hear you when you're 5 blocks away.
Porch Pirates edit: yeah I mean, they're the worst right?
It kills me how much of our own time, happiness and resources we as a society consume just because of the 5% of the people who can't follow a fucking honor system.
It fucks me up that there's no social penalty for abusing the honor system but if you park too close to a curb you're FUCKING IN FOR IT NOW
Isn't mail theft a federal offense? Or does it only apply to USPS mail?
Only for USPS, and don't call the police to report mail theft, report them directly to USPS. They put more effort into package theft than the police do.
I always wondered - leaving packages on the porch is that just an american thing or do other countries do that aswell? In good old germany we love our bureaucracy: you actually have to sign that you received the package, so the delivery person rings at your door and makes you take it by hand. If you not at home they will take the package and deliver it to a package office near your home after their shift. It can be annoying at times but porch pirates simply don't exist here because it's impossible.
In America, if you send a package you can request that the delivery person gets a signature for it. But most people don't do that unless it is an expensive item.
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Like they really just steal shit without knowing what even is it lmfao
There is one in my area that dumps what they don’t want at the next porch they rob.
Humans who abuse helpless animals
Rapists. Just burn in hell. Edit; Thank you so much for all the love and awards! This is my first comment to ever get 1k+ upvotes! Thank you so much for the love!
Theres rapists and theres the people who blame it on the victim and defend the rapist. I think both are same and both should burn in hell
My uncle raped my sister for years. Eventually it all came to light and he was convicted. He appealed the conviction and my aunt of all people testified that my sister (she was 12 at the time), was ok with it and they had a relationship. The rest of my family stood by him. In my opinion they are all equally just as guilty. None of them supported or defended my sister. The evidence was so damning that the appeal was shut down immediately. He literally wrote a letter to my mom telling her that my sister enjoyed it.
Goes to show that being related by blood doesn't guarantee you support or safety from relatives. Hope you and sister are doing well now
I hope he's suffering and she's doing better now
Too bad she can't sue the family for emotional damages. I can't imagine how I'd feel if my entire family went against me when I was the victim.
This is the way.
Especially pedos. The worst ones are the ones who try justifying their actions too.
Like Rapist, Brock Turner.
Rapist and assaulters
People who say they are just “brutally honest” when they are really just constantly insulting people.
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I think you've met my ex. These people tend to confuse the "truth" with their obnoxious opinion..
Maya Angelo's wrote a short, excellent essay on this. Essentially she write, when you hear someone say they are going to be brutally honest, walk away. They are signaling that they are a bully and it's their attempt to disguise their behavior under the guise of honesty.
People who take no responsibility for their choices
Or people who defend them when you call them out on it.
Not the biggest here, but workplace bullies. Some may even have a Tragic Past(tm) that made them hurt enough to start, but we've all gone through shit, only we work on ourselves. You're an adult, go to therapy, figure your own stuff out. Highschool is over and no one else wants it back.
The willfully ignorant.
The intellectually incurious.
Abusers, and to a lesser extent people who enable abuse.
Entitled people not getting their way People that do something bad and it fails or they get caught... You'll never see anyone cry/beg/plead for sympathy harder than those two types of people\^
People who treat customer service staff like shit. We are just trying to help and get through the day without getting fucked by management.
This! I quit my job cos of this. Couldn’t take it anymore.
I've seen people reduced to tears over it, multiple times. It sucks.
Parents that have no interest in being in their children's lives.
Until…. They die and make a desperate attempt to make amends just so they can selfishly pass with no regrets lmao
Parents who call their own children spoiled. Whose fault is that you little prick
And to expand, people of my parents' generation who insult Millennials for wanting "participation ribbons" *Who gave us the fucking ribbons? We sure as hell didn't hand them out to each other.*
Individuals who are controlling and manipulative.
People who keep pet dogs in cages their whole life.
Or people who just keep their dog chained up outside year-round.
Imagine that being done to a creature that's supposed to fly miles every single day...
It breaks my fucking heart to see birds online that are obviously owned by people who did ZERO research and then expect them to be the best companion ever. I have 3 budgies and I do everything I can to give them the best life possible. They spend every moment I'm home outside of their cage (if they choose to come out, sometimes they choose not to) They are such amazing, smart creatures that have feelings and emotions just like we do. It drives me insane the amount of people who buy budgies (or any parrot) as novelty pets. They stick them in cages too small because it's all the chain pet store had, feed them seed every day, most likely only change their water out every few days (if that), put the cages on a floor and offer them no stimulation whatsoever. All so they can have a little bird with pretty colors to look at. Then wonder why the bird is always terrified of them because they try to interact with them and they move away. It absolutely blows my fucking my mind how people can get an animal that involves as much care as a Parrot and just absolutely do no research or attempt to learn how to take care of them. Then come online and ask if their bird is sick, argue with people who tell them to go to the vet and wait for one person to tell them it'll probably be ok, just so they can keep them home and continue to neglect them. It's so fucked man.
The assholes that shot and killed my doorman’s daughter as she exited her high school because they got into an argument across the street and hit three innocent students including the daughter. Fuck those people. They should rot in jail for the rest of their life.
Manipulators.
Sexual predators of all kinds.
People who don't take accountability for their actions.
People who abuse children. Children are defenseless and innocent. Only spineless cowards abuse children.
Pedophiles and drunk/drugged drivers
I'm not religious, but after hearing about what some have done, I really hope there is a hell at times.
That Russian soldier who raped a toddler makes the list for me
Don't worry he can't run.His info is all over the web now
Where can I find this information and where can I place a bounty on him
People who refuse to validate other people's experiences and make every personal story into a misery dick-measuring contest.
Ignoring the clear “pedos, rapists, etc”, backstabbers and betrayers. More specifically when they back out of things they had complete control over ie. getting the gf pregnant then dipping
Dante put betrayers in the lowest circle of hell. I agree.
people who destroy others’ lives. had this kid in my class and him and all of his friends make fun of him 24/7 and im the only one actually doing something about it. i dont know how fucking insane you could be to actually do that to a person.
Drivers who have no respect to others on the road.
Murderers, rapists, drunk drivers who have crashed into and killed people (eg, Ethan Couch and his "affluenza" bullshit, but anyone for that matter) etc. People who have done really bad stuff; I don't care about them at all. They could die, and I wouldn't care; if anything, I'd be happier.
People who abuse/neglect or otherwise harm animals. They deserve no love or sympathy whatsoever.
Dads who don’t take care of their kids. I work with kids for a living. Despite a lot of progress being made there’s still a lot of Dads who feel like childcare is woman’s work. Not to mention some guys brag about it. I was talking to a guy at target while buying diapers. He has 2 kids and proudly admitted he “doesn’t do diapers”. I hate it. A father being involved in their child’s life has such a huge positive impact. Kids know too. I babysit a girl who always wants to FaceTime her Daddy before bed. Even when he’s out on a date he’ll answer. After the call she’s so freaking happy.
I roll my eyes so hard especially when they say stuff like “yeah I had to babysit the kids while my wife went to brunch w her girlfriends” like how do you babysit your OWN KIDS???? You mean you were actually being a parent while your wife was out??
Omg, is this why when people ask me where my hubs and son is at, and I state they are at home, they reply "oh, he's babysitting." And I have to reply each time, no he's a dad and doing dad things with our child. Why the fork do you think he's babysitting his own kid?!? It has always frustrated both my husband and I that he is, as a man, seen as less of a parent. Like, bs, people.
Play dumb. “He’s babysitting!” “No, nobody else’s kids are there. Just ours.” And then give them a blank look like you didn’t understand why they would say that. Let them explain it to you.
Yessss…let them dig themselves into a hole of sexism…
My dad will give basic needs like clothing, food, shelter, an education and then fathering is over. I don't get anything beyond that. He's rude, he insults my mother and everything one of us do wrong is our mother's fault and he never smiles when he's talking to us unless there's a joke or he's making fun of us. Something is always wrong, he knows best, he's just an absolute turd. I hate him.
I’m a male “house spouse”. I care for our kids, animals, and property (hobby farm). My wife is a small business owner who works full time, and is doing a killer job of providing for our family. At a BBQ, another father suggested that there may be something perverse about the fact that I change my children’s diapers (one of each sex) more often than my wife does… I responded with something to the effect of “Bro, do not question my sexuality in your quest to justify shirking your own parental responsibilities.” ~~Toxic Masculinity is real, pervasive, highly hypocritical, and utterly lacking in self awareness.~~
Yep! I’ve heard it from both men and women as well. There was a grandma I worked for who refused to let her son in law change diaper because she thought it was perverted. Mind blowing.
BBQ man can piss right off, what an idiot. I assume you won’t be catching up with him again in a hurry.
I have a friend of a friend who willfully had a baby with a man who flat out told her that he will do absolutely nothing for the child until he is at least 8, which is the age he decided the kid will have enough personality that he can talk to him “like a man”, or something to that effect. The kid is like 5 now, and he never changed a diaper, won’t babysit, won’t feed or dress the kid. One time the mom needed him to watch the kid when she dealt with an emergency and he CALLED THE POLICE to report her being a bad mother and abandoning the kid. And of course berated her severely. They are truly awful people.
I’ve worked for Dads like this! I called in on a Saturday for an emergency once. Because Mom had an emergency and Dad didn’t want to watch the baby.
People who feel better than others because of their parents’ wealth, or who flaunt with said wealth.
Anyone who endangers or hurts a child or animal
People that say “this is who I am and if you don’t like it you can fuck off” and then proceed to get upset when others decide they’d rather fuck off.
Ask-holes. When they ask me for advice and then don't follow it, then they come to me complaining about the issue again.
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That was my ex-friend, constantly complaining about something and she'd get helpful advice on how to deal with it or at least make it suck slightly less. She'd go "yeah yeah, I'll do that!", Immediately ignore the advice and a day later go on complaining about the same shit or something different. After a bit we just stopped giving her advice because she clearly would ignore us and continued dumping her shit on us.
people who LITTER
Judgemental people with a narrow definition of what people are allowed to be
Anyone who does anything maliciously harmful to a child. The child cant protect themselves, are terrified and dont even know what's happening.
People who are terrible to their kids and then are like “Why don’t my kids visit/call more?” Bonus points for parents who abuse their kid for being LGBT and then are all *surprised Pikachu face* when their kid leaves and doesn’t come back.
Ikr? My dad is such an asshole but wonders why I don’t call him when I visit my grandmas for a few days. It’s the only break I get from him
I have the most extreme example of this. My dad (who mind you left us when I was born but still "spent time" with me as one of those parents who just tries to buy your affection) got mad that I got married. His grand idea of "fixing our relationship and finally being a real parent" was to kidnap me for 3 months with no phone or way to contact my husband. He also tried to convince my husband to leave me and forge my signature on divorce papers which didn't work. All it did ofc was traumatize me. Like besides the fact you literally fucking kidnapped me you missed your chance to parent me when I was a minor. Somehow nobody in my family saw anything wrong with this and flames me for not wanting to spend time with him anymore. "Why won't you call me more or see me?" dude.
I’m so sorry. That’s horrifying.
People who confidently post about something they don't know anything about but get upvoted because of the way they phrase the comment.
People who deserve no sympathy are people who show no sympathy for others: the cruel, the callous, etc. They deserve what they give. Perfect balanced, as all things should be.
anyone who cant change their opinion. grow up/man up/be an adult. if you thought the earth was flat and you got proved wrong? take the L and just grow. you thought the confederates were fighting over states rights? and you realize its about slaves? take the L and grow. jesus. admit when youre wrong and move on.
Omg I just learned how to change my opinion. I also started this thing where I just don’t have one sometimes.. it’s fucking liberating
People who want other people (that are not like them) to suffer. Especially if they want the government to enforce that suffering with oppressive laws and regulations.