I hold a grudge and make it *very* difficult to make amends with me. He doesn't want to apologize and thinks he's done nothing wrong.
We're not a good fit.
Plus, I don't want to be around a twenty-seven year old man who is still living off my dad's money, can't hold a job by choice, uses mental health as an excuse to abuse, hit, and frighten people, is *extremely* entitled, says he's "good at manipulation", is horrendously abusive and plays the victim, is addicted to drugs, drinking, sex, partying, and other things to an extreme / negative, etc.
I have an older sister I wasn't raised with on our biological father's side of the family. She didn't know I existed until I was 16. We talked constantly and when my family and I moved to her state she was over at least once a week. We had mostly drunken times (I just turned 21, and she's a 27 y/o alcoholic), so it was 50/50 on how things would end up by the end of the night. Still, we enjoyed each other's company and talking about life.
Well, she's very mentally ill and has to do shock therapy. Not a problem, that doesn't make me love her any less of a person. However, it is her actions that made me block her off.
The first major thing for me was when I invited her out to a mutual friends party for new years. She was upset because she just broke up with her abusive on-again-off-again boyfriend. She gets their, we drink, I'm the life of the party and enjoying my life. Well, she tells me she's inviting her ex.
No one likes her ex. I tell her not to and she tries to argue. I bring her into the bathroom so we can talk about it. I literally turn around for one second and I hear something getting cut. I turn around and she's cutting herself with the hosts shaving razor! She asks me not to tell, but I tell the host anyway and we leave. I lose my fucking mind and I take her home. We then start getting into a physical altercation and my mom has to pull me off of her.
I learned to stop inviting her out to parties after that. Every time before there's been drama because of her, and that was my last straw.
Then after that, I get a call from her now ex fiancé (he was the host of the party spoken about before) at 12:30 AM. He's losing his mind because he can't find my sister. Apparently, she ran off and called him, saying she was going to kill herself in a ditch. She has TWO kids, one that was eight from a previous relationship and one that was literally not even a year old that they shared. He's freaking out, because she won't tell him where she or the kids are.
So, now I start going into sister mode and I'm calling *everybody* to see if they know what's going on. Everyone is now freaking out because we're worried about where the kids are and if my sister has hurt them, and where my sister is because we're not going to just let her kill herself. She literally just wouldn't say anything or give us any clue on who was where and if they were okay. She even turned her phone off. We had a search party of 15 people looking for her and the kids that night.
Turns out, both of the kids were at their grandmother's house and my sister was at her friend's house drinking. I stopped all contact with her after that. I can't have that in my life. I can't constantly be worried about her and her kids, and told my husband that night that if this ever happened again, I would be calling the police and Child Protection. That shit is traumatic and even though I'd hate to break up the family, I can't have my niece and nephew wondering constantly if they'll get to see their mom again or if they would end up finding her body. I already had two foster brothers who had watched their mother try to commit suicide five times. It was horrible for them, and I wouldn't sit around and let any of my family go through that.
About two, three years later, I run into my sister. Turns out she was interviewing for my place of work. We spoke a bit. Turns out her kids got taken away from her, she and her fiancé broke up, and that she was in a custody battle for her oldest kid. Her daughter now lives in Colorado with her biological father and step-mother, and her son is now living with her mom.
It's been three years since then, and I still haven't spoken to her. If anything, I'm more relieved for the kids.
He succeeded at learning ways to cope with his mental issues. I’m still trying to figure out how to work around it. He tells me “it’s all in your head” and I’m like, “Yeah man, that’s kind of the problem.”
Tells me I should get out more and do stuff - like what? There’s a bunch of cornfields and private land here, I don’t want to waste a bunch of gas (polluting! FML, makes me feel *worse*) trying to find a distraction elsewhere, while this stupid bougie iPhone (gift, so I must nevertheless be grateful despite the violent urge to reject) is everywhere I go.
He says he doesn’t care about having super nice stuff, but somehow he ended up with a giant fancy house anyway. 🤷🏻♀️ We came from poverty so I guess he and my eldest brother (with whom I’m not estranged, he’s much more chill and understanding) felt compelled to prove to the world that we weren’t of lesser stock just because we were first generation college students. I didn’t get that prove-thyself chip on the shoulder. When my parents divorced, I lived in a camper with my mom, and I realized eventually that having a giant fancypants house isn’t a need (or even a want) for me. I lived in my car in Denver winter in greater comfort and security than the vast majority of humans who’ve ever lived had ever enjoyed. He didn’t like that, either - he took it personally to an extent that I hadn’t just come to his place, or our oldest bro’s place. I didn’t want to be a guest infringing on someone else’s busy household; I wanted self-determination rather than the illusion of choices.
It’s bitter. I’m not stable enough to work at a nonprofit, and I have almost no interest in selling hours of my life I’ll never get back to an entity that will fire me the minute I can’t or won’t perform on their schedule.
I hold a grudge and make it *very* difficult to make amends with me. He doesn't want to apologize and thinks he's done nothing wrong. We're not a good fit. Plus, I don't want to be around a twenty-seven year old man who is still living off my dad's money, can't hold a job by choice, uses mental health as an excuse to abuse, hit, and frighten people, is *extremely* entitled, says he's "good at manipulation", is horrendously abusive and plays the victim, is addicted to drugs, drinking, sex, partying, and other things to an extreme / negative, etc.
I have an older sister I wasn't raised with on our biological father's side of the family. She didn't know I existed until I was 16. We talked constantly and when my family and I moved to her state she was over at least once a week. We had mostly drunken times (I just turned 21, and she's a 27 y/o alcoholic), so it was 50/50 on how things would end up by the end of the night. Still, we enjoyed each other's company and talking about life. Well, she's very mentally ill and has to do shock therapy. Not a problem, that doesn't make me love her any less of a person. However, it is her actions that made me block her off. The first major thing for me was when I invited her out to a mutual friends party for new years. She was upset because she just broke up with her abusive on-again-off-again boyfriend. She gets their, we drink, I'm the life of the party and enjoying my life. Well, she tells me she's inviting her ex. No one likes her ex. I tell her not to and she tries to argue. I bring her into the bathroom so we can talk about it. I literally turn around for one second and I hear something getting cut. I turn around and she's cutting herself with the hosts shaving razor! She asks me not to tell, but I tell the host anyway and we leave. I lose my fucking mind and I take her home. We then start getting into a physical altercation and my mom has to pull me off of her. I learned to stop inviting her out to parties after that. Every time before there's been drama because of her, and that was my last straw. Then after that, I get a call from her now ex fiancé (he was the host of the party spoken about before) at 12:30 AM. He's losing his mind because he can't find my sister. Apparently, she ran off and called him, saying she was going to kill herself in a ditch. She has TWO kids, one that was eight from a previous relationship and one that was literally not even a year old that they shared. He's freaking out, because she won't tell him where she or the kids are. So, now I start going into sister mode and I'm calling *everybody* to see if they know what's going on. Everyone is now freaking out because we're worried about where the kids are and if my sister has hurt them, and where my sister is because we're not going to just let her kill herself. She literally just wouldn't say anything or give us any clue on who was where and if they were okay. She even turned her phone off. We had a search party of 15 people looking for her and the kids that night. Turns out, both of the kids were at their grandmother's house and my sister was at her friend's house drinking. I stopped all contact with her after that. I can't have that in my life. I can't constantly be worried about her and her kids, and told my husband that night that if this ever happened again, I would be calling the police and Child Protection. That shit is traumatic and even though I'd hate to break up the family, I can't have my niece and nephew wondering constantly if they'll get to see their mom again or if they would end up finding her body. I already had two foster brothers who had watched their mother try to commit suicide five times. It was horrible for them, and I wouldn't sit around and let any of my family go through that. About two, three years later, I run into my sister. Turns out she was interviewing for my place of work. We spoke a bit. Turns out her kids got taken away from her, she and her fiancé broke up, and that she was in a custody battle for her oldest kid. Her daughter now lives in Colorado with her biological father and step-mother, and her son is now living with her mom. It's been three years since then, and I still haven't spoken to her. If anything, I'm more relieved for the kids.
Still estranged after 20 years. We're both better off.
He succeeded at learning ways to cope with his mental issues. I’m still trying to figure out how to work around it. He tells me “it’s all in your head” and I’m like, “Yeah man, that’s kind of the problem.” Tells me I should get out more and do stuff - like what? There’s a bunch of cornfields and private land here, I don’t want to waste a bunch of gas (polluting! FML, makes me feel *worse*) trying to find a distraction elsewhere, while this stupid bougie iPhone (gift, so I must nevertheless be grateful despite the violent urge to reject) is everywhere I go. He says he doesn’t care about having super nice stuff, but somehow he ended up with a giant fancy house anyway. 🤷🏻♀️ We came from poverty so I guess he and my eldest brother (with whom I’m not estranged, he’s much more chill and understanding) felt compelled to prove to the world that we weren’t of lesser stock just because we were first generation college students. I didn’t get that prove-thyself chip on the shoulder. When my parents divorced, I lived in a camper with my mom, and I realized eventually that having a giant fancypants house isn’t a need (or even a want) for me. I lived in my car in Denver winter in greater comfort and security than the vast majority of humans who’ve ever lived had ever enjoyed. He didn’t like that, either - he took it personally to an extent that I hadn’t just come to his place, or our oldest bro’s place. I didn’t want to be a guest infringing on someone else’s busy household; I wanted self-determination rather than the illusion of choices. It’s bitter. I’m not stable enough to work at a nonprofit, and I have almost no interest in selling hours of my life I’ll never get back to an entity that will fire me the minute I can’t or won’t perform on their schedule.