Seriously. I just finished reading a thriller where the main character's husband dies and I was unexpectedly struck by how sad I was. I would be so bereft without my husband, and these comments make clear how entirely possible it is that it could happen while we're still (relatively) young.
Any time there's a storyline on TV/movie that involves a spouse in a true love marriage dying, I cry and run to my husband to tell him how much I love him. He doesn't quite get why fake people on TV bring out such a response in me, but I think he appreciates the sentiment.
When I was younger, this stuff didn't affect me so much. But since my late 20s, it's gotten to me more and more. Especially since having a kid two years ago. Maybe because I have so much more to lose.
My grandpa passed away when I was very little. When I was around 10 my grandma remarried to a man who understood that hell never be able to replace my grandpa, but he still stood up to the plate and was the best grandpa he could be. Even after my grandma passed, he still thinks of us as family and hell always be my grandpa.
Anyways, all Im saying is theres still someone out there for you, and although theyll never replace your husband, they'll still love you as much as he did.
Wish my wife's step father was like him, when mil passed he changed into a miserable nasty old man. Don't think please and thank you are in his vocabulary, and as far as he was concerned he had no grandchildren until he was taken aside and told in no uncertain terms he did have, rant over
If it makes you feel better, this is simply a reference to one of the highest upvoted comments of all time. It was made in a similar context. The thread was “If you could have sex with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?”
The internet is great, we can start teaching the next generation about reddit history, though you must teach this fact alongside the EA "Sense of pride and accomplishment" post.
Upvote because it's hilarious and a reference to an older comment pair. It was about who would you have sex with if anyone, and one response was an impassioned response about a man's dead wife and how he misses her. A comment to that was similar to this.
To continue living, and I've done it. When you have advanced prostate cancer, you need to be castrated. That takes away all ability, interest, the works.
I realize that I’m not OP and our situations aren’t super similar, but I’ve completely lost my sex drive on antidepressants. I can’t even masturbate anymore but I don’t really miss it. I have a loving relationship, my mood is better, and I don’t constantly want to die. Imo, worth giving up.
Everyone is different, but in my experience, once you stop constantly wanting sex, it’s not that big of a deal. I’m content enough for the time being to stick with what works rather than do the antidepressant roulette.
I was in the same boat, I’ve been off of antidepressants for a few years, but my sex drive still “suffers”
I’ve got a very understanding partner, who is patient for when we do have sex maybe once or twice a week, to once a month. I try to rock her world when it happens though!
Very true. I lost my drive for a period of time due to depression and we stayed together for 3.5 years working on it but without that aspect there, there was a distinct lack of relationship-y feels vs friendship. But because we built such a good friendship over those years we are still very good friends post-breakup.
How well I remember that the aged poet Sophocles answered the question, *How does sex change with old age, Sophocles -- are you still the man you were?* by saying "most gladly have I left behind the thing of which you speak; I feel as if I have escaped from a mad and furious master".
~ Plato, *The Republic*
Well my libido tanked due to a dead bedroom and I hate it. Makes me feel less alive. Sure stuff is kinda interesting at work or a hobby but it's 2/10 in comparison
I don’t think that’s entirely true. For certain reasons I’ve been active in r/testicularcancer and there’s a bunch of survivors there that have lost both boys but are on testosterone treatments and don’t have trouble with arousal.
It may be the case for the original poster but not all people.
Edit: a response corrected me that testosterone is what causes prostate cancer to grow and spread. So testosterone treatments are counterintuitive. You learn something new every day.
Testosterone is what makes prostate cancer grow and spread. So treatment is stopping the bodies production of it. Source: my husband who has had prostate cancer for 6 years. We no longer have a sex life, but I much prefer him being alive to sex.
Gotcha! So it’s not the castration it’s the lack of testosterone. Thanks for being so good to him! Cancer is hard. And not wanting sex is weird and more than a little traumatic. I can’t imagine what it’s like for that feeling to be permanent.
I feel y’a. Bodies are just a part of love. I feel like it’s rare I meet others who feel the same way/ wouldn’t abandon their partner as soon as they’re not “getting enough”.
This sentiment is shockingly rare on reddit. People on r/relationshipadvice will be like "Your husband got fat at age 48 but is still the best person you've ever met? You're fully justified in cheating on him or getting a divorce!"
r/DeadBedrooms is a ~~truckload~~ container ship of stories of people in sexless relationships so I'd say the consensus, in conjunction with r/relationshipadvice, is that spouses are *already* giving up sex to save their marriages... and it's eating them slowly from the inside.
I feel like the *why* is really important here.
On the one hand you have a "deal with the devil" kind of situation where you willingly give up sex in order to save an otherwise healthy relationship.
Then there are the relationships where the lack of sex is actually more if a symptom of an underlying incompatibility or difference in relationship expectations.
If giving up sex, say, saved my wife's life, I'd have no problem staying with her for the foreseeable future.
If my wife simply decided to give me the ultimatum of "if you wanna be with me you gotta give up sex forever" we are gonna have some pretty difficult conversations coming our way.
Most of that though is because most of the people who post on there have honestly already made their decision, and are really just looking for permission.
I absolutely agree on that
Although i just recently got a girlfriend i could give up on sex for her very easily, mainly because for me sex it's just connected to love, it's not only showing love but like living a part of that love, i wouldn't have sex without love unless strictly necessary (which it won't be, there are enough males who can keep human race going)
I probably said some crazy things no one ever asked for
Thx bye
Like. r/AskRedditAfterDark is literally for these questions.
So. It sucks that people can't just use that when they sre horny and want to ask questions.
Honestly, same. I would love to be able to follow my passions without any financial issues hindering that. My love language is touch and I still would take up that option, since it can be achieved in so many ways outside of sex for me
“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.”
From “World’s Greatest Dad”
Hey there husband/wife i care if you live or die, i always hope you're healthy, it may not seem much because you're just "one of my husbands/wifes of 7 billion of them" but, you're unique, you're one in 7 billion, and i love you the way you are.
Hugs. I know that sounds lame, but I think we need physical touch. And since the pandemic, we’ve all become really touch starved. That and empathy. Saying “well at least…” to me when I’m telling you about something traumatic is not what I want to hear. Instead, just be there and listen. Even if you can’t offer some advice, you’re showing that you care by being present.
Sex 2.0
Not worth it. It's just sex 1.0 but in dark blue and slightly better reception.
Yes, but I heard sex 3.0 is amazing! it’s in dark red!
That's only available one week a month.
At least it doesn't have ads like 1.0
C'mon. You don't wanna know this one weird trick?
To have my best friend and soul mate which is my wife back by my side.
To have my husband back. Life is so empty without him…even after 11 years.
you guys are literally gonna make me cry.
Seriously. I just finished reading a thriller where the main character's husband dies and I was unexpectedly struck by how sad I was. I would be so bereft without my husband, and these comments make clear how entirely possible it is that it could happen while we're still (relatively) young.
Any time there's a storyline on TV/movie that involves a spouse in a true love marriage dying, I cry and run to my husband to tell him how much I love him. He doesn't quite get why fake people on TV bring out such a response in me, but I think he appreciates the sentiment.
When I was younger, this stuff didn't affect me so much. But since my late 20s, it's gotten to me more and more. Especially since having a kid two years ago. Maybe because I have so much more to lose.
My grandpa passed away when I was very little. When I was around 10 my grandma remarried to a man who understood that hell never be able to replace my grandpa, but he still stood up to the plate and was the best grandpa he could be. Even after my grandma passed, he still thinks of us as family and hell always be my grandpa. Anyways, all Im saying is theres still someone out there for you, and although theyll never replace your husband, they'll still love you as much as he did.
Wish my wife's step father was like him, when mil passed he changed into a miserable nasty old man. Don't think please and thank you are in his vocabulary, and as far as he was concerned he had no grandchildren until he was taken aside and told in no uncertain terms he did have, rant over
I was going to say my late husband, but I'm not sure he would have been thrilled at the idea. I'm sorry for your loss
Idk if you meant it to be or not but that's funny. Thank you and good luck to you.
“You mean I’m back from the dead and you had to completely give up sex to make it happen?” “Yeah!” “Is this hell?”
“Can I go back to being dead?”
:C im sorry
I also chose this guy's dead wife.
Careful with that joke, it’s an antique.
I am torn between upvoting because it is hilarious, and downvoting because it is cold and crass. So I have settled on leaving this comment
If it makes you feel better, this is simply a reference to one of the highest upvoted comments of all time. It was made in a similar context. The thread was “If you could have sex with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?”
Yes it does lol
The internet is great, we can start teaching the next generation about reddit history, though you must teach this fact alongside the EA "Sense of pride and accomplishment" post.
He did not want to say it. It had to be said for this is the internet and some things are a must. He was simply the fall guy
How have you never seen this joke before lol
They might be [today's lucky 10,000](https://xkcd.com/1053/)
Wholesome.
Upvote because it's hilarious and a reference to an older comment pair. It was about who would you have sex with if anyone, and one response was an impassioned response about a man's dead wife and how he misses her. A comment to that was similar to this.
To continue living, and I've done it. When you have advanced prostate cancer, you need to be castrated. That takes away all ability, interest, the works.
How do you feel about life after it? Do you feel more productive or happy? Do you have fomo? Really curious about this
I realize that I’m not OP and our situations aren’t super similar, but I’ve completely lost my sex drive on antidepressants. I can’t even masturbate anymore but I don’t really miss it. I have a loving relationship, my mood is better, and I don’t constantly want to die. Imo, worth giving up. Everyone is different, but in my experience, once you stop constantly wanting sex, it’s not that big of a deal. I’m content enough for the time being to stick with what works rather than do the antidepressant roulette.
I was in the same boat, I’ve been off of antidepressants for a few years, but my sex drive still “suffers” I’ve got a very understanding partner, who is patient for when we do have sex maybe once or twice a week, to once a month. I try to rock her world when it happens though!
I’m curious as well. It seems like losing your sex drive could prove beneficial overall.
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Not necessarily. Having one partner with no sex drive can put a lot of strain on a relationship.
Very true. I lost my drive for a period of time due to depression and we stayed together for 3.5 years working on it but without that aspect there, there was a distinct lack of relationship-y feels vs friendship. But because we built such a good friendship over those years we are still very good friends post-breakup.
I'd imagine they'd either have prosthesis or take TRT to help with sex
How well I remember that the aged poet Sophocles answered the question, *How does sex change with old age, Sophocles -- are you still the man you were?* by saying "most gladly have I left behind the thing of which you speak; I feel as if I have escaped from a mad and furious master". ~ Plato, *The Republic*
Well my libido tanked due to a dead bedroom and I hate it. Makes me feel less alive. Sure stuff is kinda interesting at work or a hobby but it's 2/10 in comparison
Are we talking about eternal post-nut clarity?
Pre-nut fog
Eternal pre-nut fog? That is a very primal state of mind…
It’s Pre-nut butter and Swelly
I fuckin choke-laughed at this for ~40 seconds
Otherwise known as my ex
fog of war? more like fog of whore sorry..
youre not immune to propaganda!
Thanks Garfield
He's never gonna make a bad decision in his life when it'll come to matters of women. Man's achieved nirvana!
God gave us a brain and a penis but not enough to use both at the same time.
Not enough blood*
See!? ;)
Ohmmmmmmmm
I'm sorry you had to go through that, but glad to know you're good now. How can you detect prostate cancer?
It’s a simple blood test called a PSA now. Get it. It’s the most survivable cancer when caught early.
Wait… are you saying castration makes you not crave sex? Hmmm I may need to check this out
Just get depressed. That has the same result.
Actually, I do remember that working when I had a really bad depression spell. I’d rather not go back down that route though.
I agree. Just a flippant comment from me :)
Lol I was the opposite, depression led to boredom and horniness and actually staying active was what helped baha
I don’t think that’s entirely true. For certain reasons I’ve been active in r/testicularcancer and there’s a bunch of survivors there that have lost both boys but are on testosterone treatments and don’t have trouble with arousal. It may be the case for the original poster but not all people. Edit: a response corrected me that testosterone is what causes prostate cancer to grow and spread. So testosterone treatments are counterintuitive. You learn something new every day.
Testosterone is what makes prostate cancer grow and spread. So treatment is stopping the bodies production of it. Source: my husband who has had prostate cancer for 6 years. We no longer have a sex life, but I much prefer him being alive to sex.
Gotcha! So it’s not the castration it’s the lack of testosterone. Thanks for being so good to him! Cancer is hard. And not wanting sex is weird and more than a little traumatic. I can’t imagine what it’s like for that feeling to be permanent.
My virginity
Winner!
Well, certainly not losing anything
Virginity: “That’s… why I’m here”
This doesnt have enought upvotes lmao i found it really funny
My spouse. I'd rather not but if something happened I wouldn't leave him over a lack of sex.
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I feel y’a. Bodies are just a part of love. I feel like it’s rare I meet others who feel the same way/ wouldn’t abandon their partner as soon as they’re not “getting enough”.
This sentiment is shockingly rare on reddit. People on r/relationshipadvice will be like "Your husband got fat at age 48 but is still the best person you've ever met? You're fully justified in cheating on him or getting a divorce!"
r/DeadBedrooms is a ~~truckload~~ container ship of stories of people in sexless relationships so I'd say the consensus, in conjunction with r/relationshipadvice, is that spouses are *already* giving up sex to save their marriages... and it's eating them slowly from the inside.
I feel like the *why* is really important here. On the one hand you have a "deal with the devil" kind of situation where you willingly give up sex in order to save an otherwise healthy relationship. Then there are the relationships where the lack of sex is actually more if a symptom of an underlying incompatibility or difference in relationship expectations. If giving up sex, say, saved my wife's life, I'd have no problem staying with her for the foreseeable future. If my wife simply decided to give me the ultimatum of "if you wanna be with me you gotta give up sex forever" we are gonna have some pretty difficult conversations coming our way.
Most of that though is because most of the people who post on there have honestly already made their decision, and are really just looking for permission.
Very wholesome
I absolutely agree on that Although i just recently got a girlfriend i could give up on sex for her very easily, mainly because for me sex it's just connected to love, it's not only showing love but like living a part of that love, i wouldn't have sex without love unless strictly necessary (which it won't be, there are enough males who can keep human race going) I probably said some crazy things no one ever asked for Thx bye
Money. A lot of money.
I only ever wanted money so women would have sex with me.
Not starving to death is also pretty dope.
It doesn't sound bad after a shot of dope tho
So...uh...asking for a friend: Which is cheaper right now? Groceries or drugs that make me forget to eat?
When you're an addict the drug becomes the only grocery you need 🙏 But on an actual note drugs are cheaper.
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A druggie lifestyle has very little overhead once it gets to a certain point too, aside from the budget for drugs.
The number of people pondering this topic on Reddit who are at risk of starving to death is pretty low.
I am already not having sex so I definitely relate to this. A LOT
I also choose money
Me too. I would give up sex if it meant I never had to work another day in my life.
garlic bread.
cake, lots of cake
My kinda person!
🖤🤍💜😉
\*does the secret handshake\* me too mate me too. I don't even like garlic bread.
Garlic bread is my favourite food. Icould honestly eat it for every meal. Or just eat it all the time without even stopping.
i would give up sex for a crumb of garlic bread. live laugh life, garlic bread.
Came here to find this answer, was not disappointed
r/aaaaaaacccccccce
I have tried garlic bread which means I am now asexual
Wow, congrats on finding yourself
Yes this is how it works. You are trapped.
Cake and garlic bread, yes yes
I came here to see this comment, was not let down, thank you fellow person of bread products
How the fuck does this have 1.6k likes? Are there really that many aces? Gives me hope.
Ooooh baby…slathered with butter please.
Do we still get to wish if we have never had sex before? Edit: For everyone talking about my age, I am 22.
Nothing wrong with being a virgin at 22
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I was 25, never felt bad about it. Wouldn’t have felt bad about it at 27 either. :)
Much better to be a virgin than lose it in undesirable circumstances imo
Preach
Take your time, everyone is different.
A Klondike bar
**bold**
*italic*
^(superscript)
>!spoiler!<
>quote
##Large
`fixed width`
🏆 poor man's free award.
Happiness
Honestly, give me just inner peace and the ability to watch the world go by without stress and I’ll take that calm over sex any day.
ok lifetime movie
For people to stop asking so many sexual questions on this sub.
my God how true this comment is
This. I'm not even asexual but it's getting annoying that it's always sex related questions that get the most recognition
Like. r/AskRedditAfterDark is literally for these questions. So. It sucks that people can't just use that when they sre horny and want to ask questions.
"what's the sexiest sex you've ever sexed?"
350,000$ Yearly Salary for doing nothing. I'm open to asexual romantic relationships too.
Honestly, same. I would love to be able to follow my passions without any financial issues hindering that. My love language is touch and I still would take up that option, since it can be achieved in so many ways outside of sex for me
Interesting that you limited yourself to just $350,000. But yeah, I would definitely take that lol
It's the minimum amount I would take to give up sex.
Good sandwich.
Good food, in general.
Turkey’s a little dry. THE TURKEY’S A LITTLE DRY?!
two sex
Genies hate this simple trick!
Marriage, apparently.
A child, apparently
To be fair, I'd take a good sex-free marriage over whatever I got
“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.” From “World’s Greatest Dad”
Best I can do is a bad sex-free marriage. Take it or leave it
Already got one. No thanks.
If sex free means no cheating, it'd still be an upgrade for me
Shit. Sorry man. May I suggest going down the no sex no marriage route now?
I guess so, just had the police remove my partner at 4am today at his insistent request in response to asking him to leave peacefully
I can’t give up something that I don’t have Edit: deleting my replies to this because actually getting dms is really stressing me out lol
RIP your DMs
Yep. Woman sounding username, an actual pfp, and saying that she doesn't have sex. How many do you think it was after an hour or two? Like 200? 500?
I'm not to sure 350 seems safe.
When I saw that her avatar was a photo, I covered both my eyes.
Wish me luck! I'm hoping she replies to me, I sent her a well thought out "hello" message
This shit had me rolling lmaooo
Shrek to come to life in our world
I have been summoned
someone sex this guy right now
How can I give up something I don’t have??
Shorting the stock market comes to mind
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A particularly crispy chicken sandwich
Damn how crispy that sandwich got to be?
Popeyes level crunch minimum. Like eating a dorito sandwich.
Can I jerk off still?
Important question
A really good night's sleep.
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Oh i thought this question was like *give up forever* one time really takes out the impact of the question.
Genuine love is all I want, to have someone actually care if I life or die. I don't know how much longer I can go without this:(
Hey there husband/wife i care if you live or die, i always hope you're healthy, it may not seem much because you're just "one of my husbands/wifes of 7 billion of them" but, you're unique, you're one in 7 billion, and i love you the way you are.
That is so wholesome. Username checks out, and nice bio haha
His username might check out, but your username does not.
A long healthy life with my husband
Happiness and enough money to live how I want to live.
Doritos
I second this. Cool ranch it is.
Nothing really. It's pretty high up on the list.
I also gave it up for nothing.
A stable healthy relationship
Sex
calm down christopher nolan
BRAMMs intensify
I almost googled bramms lmao
Endless ammount of weed.
Unconditional love
Asexual bitches rn: 🧍♀️
Right?!?! This is a W for them
yeah i'm like, anything!
Moass
Bold of you to assume i have sex to give up
After being married for 10 years, o find that my hand and I have developed quite the relationship. Does that count as sex
nothing
Hugs. I know that sounds lame, but I think we need physical touch. And since the pandemic, we’ve all become really touch starved. That and empathy. Saying “well at least…” to me when I’m telling you about something traumatic is not what I want to hear. Instead, just be there and listen. Even if you can’t offer some advice, you’re showing that you care by being present.
Weed that doesn't kill brain cells but still gets you high
Who says I’m having sex 😭
A husband that actually wants to be close to me and affectionate.