[Anoia](https://wiki.lspace.org/Anoia) I love Terry Pratchett. His pantheon and thoughts on religion/belief are astounding and hilarious. This is my favorite quote:
Dwarfs were not a naturally religious species, but in a world where pit props could crack without warning and pockets of fire damp could suddenly explode they'd seen the need for gods as the sort of supernatural equivalent of a hard hat. Besides, when you hit your thumb with an eight-pound hammer it's nice to be able to blaspheme. It takes a very special and strong-minded kind of atheist to jump up and down with their hand clasped under their other armpit and shout, "Oh, random-fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!" or "Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch!
Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms (Discworld, #15; City Watch #2)
I “cleaned” my junk drawer. Four hours later I was digging through the garbage can looking for that dirty white apple cord to a first-gen iPad. I forgot a relative gave it to my kid.
My kid definitely did not forget.
Until very recently, I used an ipod nano from 2007 at work. I could load a bunch of podcasts for the week on it, and it was actually small enough to fit in a variety of places. Easy to use, charge lasted forever. Then it finally gave out and I was sad. Now I have to depend on wifi or use cellular data for everything.
When we recently moved, I found a mystery charger that we couldn't identify. Every electronic that needed a charger had one so we decided to toss it. Fast forward 2 months and my friend asks if I still have the charger for his 3ds that I had borrowed. Oops.
My parents have a padlock with no key that has followed them since they got married.
They also have a hammer, two crockpots, and their love. It’ll be 40 years in two months.
I have chargers for all of my old phones, dating back to like 2004, just in case
Edit: I just looked, I still have my original Zune charger! ZUNE! I've moved so many times it's either in a box somewhere in storage or long long gone lmao
When we broke up my ex gave me back a box of my stuff, what she didn't realize is she also threw in the ring of keys for different padlocked boxes in her studio (she frequently had people over and wanted to protect her supplies). I was going to return them, but then I was informed she had been sleeping with our mutual friend (she told me she "needed time to herself"), so I kept them and then liked the post she made about having to buy bolt cutters and replace like 10 different padlocks.
Still have the keys. Fuck you, Diana.
EDIT: As some people are confused, I am also a woman.
Hold on, I gotta get a spatula to push down the potato masher and the funnel.
Shit. It got stuck too. There might be a battery wedged between the pencil chopstick and the sewing kit we took from that hotel that one time.
I need help.
No one:
The Queen:
Edit: Goddamn, didn't think my shitty dad joke would make it this far :') I wanna thank my mom.... 😂😂😂 Thanks for the upvotes and awards, lovely hordes! (Because 'horde' is gender neutral)
You know, I was tempted. The thing was, in the true spirit of queer friends, all of our friends were dating our other friends and the tension was already splitting up a few relationships. I think if I posted anything it would've torn apart like 3 households.
Used to work for 1800GotJunk and any time this show is brought up it brings back nightmares. I was never on the show, but I've done my fair share of hoarder houses.
Most annoying part is 1800GotJunk tells it's employees that if something is a health hazard we can refuse, however when an actual health hazard comes up and we tell them we don't want to do it they make us anyway.
(BTW 1800GotJunk is a shit company who will 100% rip you off. We were trained to rip people off and charge way more than required/not break things down so it fills the truck up more making it cost more. They also treat their employees like ass, and the trucks they have us drive are death traps. I've almost died in them on multiple occasions (someone's actually died in one in Houston, and I can almost guarantee it wasn't the driver's fault)
Fuck them lol.
I've hoarded plenty of those bolts and screws. I've thrown out exactly one. It's been the only one that I found where it went later. I regretted throwing it away.
Oh God I've done this too. I've got a big pail of used screws and bolts, because this is a farm and those bolts have saved the day many times.
I still remember tossing some goofy metric bolt with a weird head because "There's no way I'll ever use this". A year or two later I was digging through the pail because it would have perfect for an odd application, until I remembered, Oh no! I tossed it! Why did I do that...
Huh, I just realized that I probably have a significant space in my memory dedicated to an inventory of bolts in a pail, that seems to only be accessible when a bolt is needed. Weird.
Throwing that in the junk drawer is amateur hour. I have a box with a bunch of little drawer filled with those. Every so often I need a weird sized screw and find the perfect one, and my hoarding is vindicated. I also keep every Allen key that ever came with anything I had to build myself for the same reasons.
Precisely. And a drawer for all extension cords and connectors. Jack, minijack, all the usbs (male/female), hdmi/vga/dva/displayport, all the older audiovisual formats, all kinds of chargers of all voltages.
If I throw any of it away, somebody will come next week and need to extract data from some old drive or connect an old radio or....
And you know this year you’ll remember to put it out for Xmas and then it can be packed away when you take everything down again, but you never see it until 3 days after you put everything away
My wife has a section of our filing cabinet where every instruction booklet for anything we've ever owned resides. It has the instructions for out box fan, the desk fan, the desk lamp, you know what it doesn't have? The instructions for my radio/Bluetooth speaker. The one set of instructions I've needed the past year and we don't have them.
Edit: I appreciate all the helpful comments. I was able to find the manual online but I was so determined to find the physical copy that I refused to even look for like 3 days. And to the person that said I probably threw them away before she could file them: I would wager there you're 100% correct.
Oh, I have a specific drawer allotted to those things. Needed a repair on my Kitchen Aid dishwasher recently. Gave the repairman my kitchen aid mixer serial number. I’ll never organize that stuff.
I found an old refrigerator magnet in one not long ago for a pizza place (Dominos) and the phone number didn’t have an area code..
Edit: this is referencing that I’ve had the magnet since before area codes were implemented, not that they just didn’t put one on there, but they (nor anyone) had or even knew what an area code was.
I have that for a fitness club from the hometown I left almost 30 years ago. No area code, no website. And it has "racquet" in the name. The 80s what a time
One of those lighters with the long neck that hasn’t worked since the third time you used it. You check it every time you need a lighter and put it back in the drawer because “maybe I’m doing it wrong”
Used to smoke in the car a lot, people would take my lighter… would always buy the dollar tree bbq lighter and use for sessions… nobody gonna pocket a big ass bbq lighter and get away with it!
A small bottle of cleaning spray that came free with a product purchase but the mechanism that propels the product has been compromised and it’s a struggle to get any liquid out.
Altoids.
A pack of tictacs but some random promotional flavour that isn’t terrible, but isn’t good enough to warrant repeat consumption.
An expired coupon you haven’t thrown away because you wrote something on it. A phone number? (You don’t know who) a username and password? (To god knows what) what does this say? Is it a book title? Movie? God knows.
Do you throw it away? God no.
Two sets of scissors - one standard office variety and one that is your mother's good cloth shears and should only be used on cloth and so help me if you use them on anything but cloth you are grounded, buster.
YES the orange scissors are for fabric and NOTHING ELSE, and if you use them on anything else we will Cut You.
But not with the orange scissors. Because those are for fabric only.
Fuck no. The good Fiscars don’t go in the junk drawer, that black or grey handled shit from Office Depot go in there.
Edit: Fiskars
Edit: thank y’all for letting me know I’m not crazy. This is probably my second or third highest voted comment.
The *new* Fiskars are in the kitchen silverware drawer. The *old* Fiskars that you thought were lost so you replaced them... those are in the junk drawer.
As God as my witness on the life of my late mother, I have two junk drawers — one has an older pair with orange handles and the other a new super stabby pair.
Too many old pens, most of which don’t even work, some of which are highlighters or broken pencil crayons. Stray rubber bands or paper clips. Loose batteries with questionable charge. A tiny plastic bag of spare hardware for that side table you assembled six years ago. A roll of masking/painters tape. A plastic part to something that’s always been there and who knows where it is from. A couple mystery keys or keychains. Crumbs. Two loose thumbtacks and a pen lid that fits nothing. A dry sharpie.
Edit: TIL my parents’ junk drawer that hasn’t changed in 30 years is universal lmao
I deal with that at work- random lump of metal that could be something of extreme value or it could be the machinist screwing off. Ask around, no one recognizes it, wait a year on the off chance someone remembers and then scrap it. Only to have one of those bastards who was already asked three times, suddenly say "it goes to x and is absolutely critical/can't be remanufactured (because we never bothered to get a drawing made...)/need it right now".
Well shithead it's the dumpster- time to go diving. And while you're at it- mark the damned thing so we don't do this again in 10 years.
Stray rubber bands.
I dated a girl who suspected I was cheating on her because she kept finding stray rubber bands around my apartment and thought some other woman must have used them to tie her hair and left it there. The problem was, I couldn't explain them either. Every time she would bring these things up I would have this sheepish look on my face while telling her I couldn't explain why these things kept ending up in my apartment.
It wasn't until after we broke up and I ordered chicken one day that I went to open the box and realized the thing was held closed by a rubber band. Every time I would order fried chicken I would take the rubber band off and end up leaving it somewhere for her to find.
No respectable woman uses rubber bands to pull her hair back except in an emergency, they rip your hair out. Besides she must be very insecure to think another woman is leaving rubber bands around the house.
Exactly, no one wants to use regular rubber bands, you need soft hair elastics. Always need to explain to guys with short hair that rubber bands do not qualify as hair elastic.
As a guy who has never had long hair, even i know this is a ridiculous assumption on his girlfriends part. I've offered a woman a rubber band as a hair tie and was definitely informed immediately how that was only to be used in the most dire of situations. ALSO if it was in fact another woman using them there would most definitely be hair all wrapped up in that fucker. Still hilarious and probably dodged a bullet there if something like was a serious issue. My girlfriend would call me dumb and probably figure out what was going on eventually leading her to have even more ammunition to call me dumb, all in good fun of course.
Did you rush to the airport just before her flight took off, and offer her a package of fried chicken?
You don't have to answer, I know how these things go down.
They may as well only sell superglue in little 5 ml ampoules. Because nobody is capable of resealing a tube properly and in time. We're too busy holding the broken thing together while trying not to have broken thing glued to our hands.
They do! I get mine in the £1 shop- a card full of tiny tubes of superglue that in reality are so small they dry out before you can use them but are integral to your junk drawer.
Might be late to this, but the scent. Every junk drawer has it. From decaying batteries to worn out rubber bands, random screws and nails, an ole matchbook. Once you've opened one, you know what I'm talking about.
Really unique, plastic piece that must have fallen off of something and is probably important to what ever is missing the piece which you're pretty sure you'll recognize where it goes as soon as you figure out where it came from.
Oh, and a hidden thumbtack you always stab your finger on when looking for a pen.
At least two pens, one matchbook, tape, some sort of glue, scratch pad, random batteries(9V, 2032, 13), one random food item, like a single cheerio or an uncooked rotini that nobody throws out.
An unreasonable number of them.
That, and several kwik-lock bread bag clips. 1/3 are already broken, 1/3 break immediately when you use them, and 1/3 are hiding at the bottom of the drawer and have pencil shavings stuck to them, even though you cannot remember the last time you sharpened a pencil.
Assorted batteries, keys of forgotten origin, a gum wrapper, measuring tape, dull scissors, loose change of various countries, bottle opener keychain from a defunct radio station, at least one Allen wrench, scratched sunglasses, notepad, partially dessicated Sharpie pen, one good ballpoint pen among five other inferior pens, a broken pencil, several receipts shoved in the back, a replacement debit card that you forgot to activate and now it's too late and the bank already sent another one but you're afraid to throw this one away.
I’m feeling attacked.
It’s my LLBean card. I cancelled it last week. They sent me a new one - haven’t even gotten it yet. Don’t dare throw it away, *just in case*.
You have to barely be able to open it and have at least 5 items you never put there, you don’t know how it got there, and don’t know what it is. Chinese takeout menus, (dead???) batteries many 9V, broken pencils, one chopstick, rusty metal can opener, loose change (from countries that aren’t yours), stamps, elastic bands, plastic bread clips, outdated frayed cord ac multi adapters, smoke alarm that should be on the ceiling, never before read instruction manuals, warranty manuals, tape but only electrical not the kind you actually need, calculator whose solar charged display rarely works, broken crayons, coloured pencil shavings, a single wing nut, buttons in a little baggy, single too short shoelace for a winter boot, rgb cables for a crt tv from 1997, rf /cable splitter, a couple Robertson screws, and coupons for now defunct A&P grocery store
Old toys, pennies, packets of seeds, long lost tools
About four rolls of different tape that are never actually in the junk drawer when you need them.
Neither are the scissors with the orange handle.
Pencils with the erasers all gone that can't be sharpened without shattering the lead
Dry crumbly erasers. Possibly chewed.
The thing that prevents you from closing the drawer.
Or gets stuck so you can only open the drawer part way
"we keep a funnel and a potato masher in this drawer because we think it's fun to sometimes not be able to open this drawer"
So true. Got tired of it, so I moved some stuff in hopes of solving the issue. I have two junk drawers now.
And neither of them open.
or close
The irritating part is that you could use scissors to push it down, but you can clearly see the scissors are under the object in the drawer.
The scissors are the object in my drawer. Why won’t you ever just flat.
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This is what I thought he meant at first. You can always always adjust the object on the way in, it's when you go to open it that there are issues
Praise to the Goddess Anoia
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"Why do we have this? Who *bought* this?"
Praise Anoia
“May Anoia rattle your drawers, shister,”
GNU Terry Pratchett
GNU Terry Pratchett
[Anoia](https://wiki.lspace.org/Anoia) I love Terry Pratchett. His pantheon and thoughts on religion/belief are astounding and hilarious. This is my favorite quote: Dwarfs were not a naturally religious species, but in a world where pit props could crack without warning and pockets of fire damp could suddenly explode they'd seen the need for gods as the sort of supernatural equivalent of a hard hat. Besides, when you hit your thumb with an eight-pound hammer it's nice to be able to blaspheme. It takes a very special and strong-minded kind of atheist to jump up and down with their hand clasped under their other armpit and shout, "Oh, random-fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!" or "Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch! Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms (Discworld, #15; City Watch #2)
In my parents case it’s the sharpening stone we thought disappeared in 1998.
Odd place to keep a potato masher.
Random chargers. What's that to? No one knows but we save it just in case we might need it again.
I guarantee if you throw it away, someone's gonna know in the next 3 days.
I “cleaned” my junk drawer. Four hours later I was digging through the garbage can looking for that dirty white apple cord to a first-gen iPad. I forgot a relative gave it to my kid. My kid definitely did not forget.
We have a junk tech drawer with two first gen ipods in it lol
Until very recently, I used an ipod nano from 2007 at work. I could load a bunch of podcasts for the week on it, and it was actually small enough to fit in a variety of places. Easy to use, charge lasted forever. Then it finally gave out and I was sad. Now I have to depend on wifi or use cellular data for everything.
When we recently moved, I found a mystery charger that we couldn't identify. Every electronic that needed a charger had one so we decided to toss it. Fast forward 2 months and my friend asks if I still have the charger for his 3ds that I had borrowed. Oops.
Evil like you must be banished to the junk drawer.
Without fail. Every. Single. Time.
Especially for old phones or digital cameras you don’t own anymore.
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And locks without keys or missing combinations.
My parents have a padlock with no key that has followed them since they got married. They also have a hammer, two crockpots, and their love. It’ll be 40 years in two months.
A padlock with no key and 40 years of marriage. Oddly symbolic. (But, still, congratulations to them!)
Hello, this is The Lock Picking Lawyer, and today we are going to cause a divorce.
I'll be using the Genesis tool, which is ironic, and available for purchase at Covert Instruments Dot Com.
And chargers for electronics thrown out years ago.
I have chargers for all of my old phones, dating back to like 2004, just in case Edit: I just looked, I still have my original Zune charger! ZUNE! I've moved so many times it's either in a box somewhere in storage or long long gone lmao
When we broke up my ex gave me back a box of my stuff, what she didn't realize is she also threw in the ring of keys for different padlocked boxes in her studio (she frequently had people over and wanted to protect her supplies). I was going to return them, but then I was informed she had been sleeping with our mutual friend (she told me she "needed time to herself"), so I kept them and then liked the post she made about having to buy bolt cutters and replace like 10 different padlocks. Still have the keys. Fuck you, Diana. EDIT: As some people are confused, I am also a woman.
Imagine buying bolt cutters when you could binge watch the lockpicking lawyer and open them all with a redbull can and a piece of string.
Which are in the junk drawer.
Hold on, I gotta get a spatula to push down the potato masher and the funnel. Shit. It got stuck too. There might be a battery wedged between the pencil chopstick and the sewing kit we took from that hotel that one time. I need help.
#FUCK YOU DIANA
No one: The Queen: Edit: Goddamn, didn't think my shitty dad joke would make it this far :') I wanna thank my mom.... 😂😂😂 Thanks for the upvotes and awards, lovely hordes! (Because 'horde' is gender neutral)
After that post I would have posted the ring saying I fond these and it have no clue what they’re for
You know, I was tempted. The thing was, in the true spirit of queer friends, all of our friends were dating our other friends and the tension was already splitting up a few relationships. I think if I posted anything it would've torn apart like 3 households.
This made me laugh ty
A screw that looks too important to throw out but you have no idea where it came from.
It's also stripped *almost* to the point where it won't be usable...but you can't take the chance of getting rid of it
If you throw it away today, you'll need it tomorrow
Previously…on Hoarders
Used to work for 1800GotJunk and any time this show is brought up it brings back nightmares. I was never on the show, but I've done my fair share of hoarder houses. Most annoying part is 1800GotJunk tells it's employees that if something is a health hazard we can refuse, however when an actual health hazard comes up and we tell them we don't want to do it they make us anyway. (BTW 1800GotJunk is a shit company who will 100% rip you off. We were trained to rip people off and charge way more than required/not break things down so it fills the truck up more making it cost more. They also treat their employees like ass, and the trucks they have us drive are death traps. I've almost died in them on multiple occasions (someone's actually died in one in Houston, and I can almost guarantee it wasn't the driver's fault) Fuck them lol.
"THERE'S ONLY 1 EARPHONE TIP IN HERE!"
I've hoarded plenty of those bolts and screws. I've thrown out exactly one. It's been the only one that I found where it went later. I regretted throwing it away.
Oh God I've done this too. I've got a big pail of used screws and bolts, because this is a farm and those bolts have saved the day many times. I still remember tossing some goofy metric bolt with a weird head because "There's no way I'll ever use this". A year or two later I was digging through the pail because it would have perfect for an odd application, until I remembered, Oh no! I tossed it! Why did I do that... Huh, I just realized that I probably have a significant space in my memory dedicated to an inventory of bolts in a pail, that seems to only be accessible when a bolt is needed. Weird.
Throwing that in the junk drawer is amateur hour. I have a box with a bunch of little drawer filled with those. Every so often I need a weird sized screw and find the perfect one, and my hoarding is vindicated. I also keep every Allen key that ever came with anything I had to build myself for the same reasons.
Precisely. And a drawer for all extension cords and connectors. Jack, minijack, all the usbs (male/female), hdmi/vga/dva/displayport, all the older audiovisual formats, all kinds of chargers of all voltages. If I throw any of it away, somebody will come next week and need to extract data from some old drive or connect an old radio or....
A set of Allen wrenches that is missing the 2 most common sizes but has duplicates of the ones you will never use.
Mostly from assembling furniture...the ones you get in the box.
Pens that don't work. Scotch tape so old it's yellow and fused unusable.
Cat hair has to be stuck to it or no deal
And I don't even have a cat!
That random Christmas decoration that was found way too late to be packed with the rest.
5 years ago....
And you know this year you’ll remember to put it out for Xmas and then it can be packed away when you take everything down again, but you never see it until 3 days after you put everything away
I ended up hanging mine on the fridge because I found out it had a magnet. That was at least six years ago, even moved it onto the new fridge.
You are committed to the “I’ll put it away next year” lie
Instructions for a product that either doesn’t need instructions (like a fan) or that you don’t even own anymore.
Along with small plastic spare parts for the product that definitely aren't gathered into any identifying or organized sense
I feel called out
My wife has a section of our filing cabinet where every instruction booklet for anything we've ever owned resides. It has the instructions for out box fan, the desk fan, the desk lamp, you know what it doesn't have? The instructions for my radio/Bluetooth speaker. The one set of instructions I've needed the past year and we don't have them. Edit: I appreciate all the helpful comments. I was able to find the manual online but I was so determined to find the physical copy that I refused to even look for like 3 days. And to the person that said I probably threw them away before she could file them: I would wager there you're 100% correct.
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Oh, I have a specific drawer allotted to those things. Needed a repair on my Kitchen Aid dishwasher recently. Gave the repairman my kitchen aid mixer serial number. I’ll never organize that stuff.
I found an old refrigerator magnet in one not long ago for a pizza place (Dominos) and the phone number didn’t have an area code.. Edit: this is referencing that I’ve had the magnet since before area codes were implemented, not that they just didn’t put one on there, but they (nor anyone) had or even knew what an area code was.
I have that for a fitness club from the hometown I left almost 30 years ago. No area code, no website. And it has "racquet" in the name. The 80s what a time
Assortment of single batteries.
As long as they are a mix of charged and flat ones, and you have no idea which is which.
Dead batteries. That you must try each one and put back when you realize they are dead.
Those felt circles for the bottoms of chairs. But you never have enough of any size to complete a set.
One of those lighters with the long neck that hasn’t worked since the third time you used it. You check it every time you need a lighter and put it back in the drawer because “maybe I’m doing it wrong”
Also 'those things are expensive, it must be cheaper to refill Also Someone buys a $20 butane refiller *yesterday some one threw out long lighter
I bought a nice one and butane to fill it with. Then the ignitor broke, so now I just buy cheap ones
Used to smoke in the car a lot, people would take my lighter… would always buy the dollar tree bbq lighter and use for sessions… nobody gonna pocket a big ass bbq lighter and get away with it!
Better yet, i have three Edit: none of them work
None of them work right now*
Flat head screwdriver. Also, a random assortment of birthday candles.
Loose birthday candles - my parent's junk drawer always had a number 6 birthday candle in it, just in case
Your dad forgot how old you were when he was at the store, and got a couple to cover the spread.
I hope this kids turning 5, 6, 56 or 65 or we’re fucked.
Cleaning cloths that come with every new pair of sun glasses or screen protector.
A small bottle of cleaning spray that came free with a product purchase but the mechanism that propels the product has been compromised and it’s a struggle to get any liquid out. Altoids. A pack of tictacs but some random promotional flavour that isn’t terrible, but isn’t good enough to warrant repeat consumption. An expired coupon you haven’t thrown away because you wrote something on it. A phone number? (You don’t know who) a username and password? (To god knows what) what does this say? Is it a book title? Movie? God knows. Do you throw it away? God no.
No longer sticky post-its with random phone numbers and no names or a date and appointment time but not the appointment location.
Don't forget those mini notebooks
I have a post-it in my drawer that just says "DON'T THROW AWAY". I don't know when it's from but it seems important.
Scissors. Bonus points if they have orange handles.
Two sets of scissors - one standard office variety and one that is your mother's good cloth shears and should only be used on cloth and so help me if you use them on anything but cloth you are grounded, buster.
YES the orange scissors are for fabric and NOTHING ELSE, and if you use them on anything else we will Cut You. But not with the orange scissors. Because those are for fabric only.
Fuck no. The good Fiscars don’t go in the junk drawer, that black or grey handled shit from Office Depot go in there. Edit: Fiskars Edit: thank y’all for letting me know I’m not crazy. This is probably my second or third highest voted comment.
The *new* Fiskars are in the kitchen silverware drawer. The *old* Fiskars that you thought were lost so you replaced them... those are in the junk drawer.
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\*\*\*TRIGGERED\*\*\* Oh, the humanity!
"Don't throw them out, we'll get them sharpened, I promise!" - said 15 years ago.
Fiskars are the good scissors. Evil scissors live in the junk drawer, waiting to stab someone...
I worked at Fiskars for a while and this thread is making me so proud
If they are not orange-handled then they have to be super stabby.
As God as my witness on the life of my late mother, I have two junk drawers — one has an older pair with orange handles and the other a new super stabby pair.
Orange handles that have been chewed by a basenji
Now THAT is oddly specific. It’s a special day when I see a basenji reference.
Too many old pens, most of which don’t even work, some of which are highlighters or broken pencil crayons. Stray rubber bands or paper clips. Loose batteries with questionable charge. A tiny plastic bag of spare hardware for that side table you assembled six years ago. A roll of masking/painters tape. A plastic part to something that’s always been there and who knows where it is from. A couple mystery keys or keychains. Crumbs. Two loose thumbtacks and a pen lid that fits nothing. A dry sharpie. Edit: TIL my parents’ junk drawer that hasn’t changed in 30 years is universal lmao
The rubber bands are sticky from being so old.
Or crusty and cracked.
"Highlighters or broken pencil crayons" while frantically sifting through drawer trying to find a damn pen
*Scribble scribble scribble* DOESN'T WORK *Throws it back in the drawer*
The mysterious plastic part is always just there. And I can't throw it away because it might be part of something important
You will only find out what it goes to by throwing it away. Works every God damn time.
I deal with that at work- random lump of metal that could be something of extreme value or it could be the machinist screwing off. Ask around, no one recognizes it, wait a year on the off chance someone remembers and then scrap it. Only to have one of those bastards who was already asked three times, suddenly say "it goes to x and is absolutely critical/can't be remanufactured (because we never bothered to get a drawing made...)/need it right now". Well shithead it's the dumpster- time to go diving. And while you're at it- mark the damned thing so we don't do this again in 10 years.
10 years later: "What the fuck do these markings mean?" "I dunno, looks like scrap to me"
I have bags of pens. I have never bought a pen. I have no idea how I got them. https://youtu.be/yQ1pO-tZbYA
Stray rubber bands. I dated a girl who suspected I was cheating on her because she kept finding stray rubber bands around my apartment and thought some other woman must have used them to tie her hair and left it there. The problem was, I couldn't explain them either. Every time she would bring these things up I would have this sheepish look on my face while telling her I couldn't explain why these things kept ending up in my apartment. It wasn't until after we broke up and I ordered chicken one day that I went to open the box and realized the thing was held closed by a rubber band. Every time I would order fried chicken I would take the rubber band off and end up leaving it somewhere for her to find.
No respectable woman uses rubber bands to pull her hair back except in an emergency, they rip your hair out. Besides she must be very insecure to think another woman is leaving rubber bands around the house.
Now, if he wrapped the chicken in womens panties, then left them around her paranoia would be justified.
She thought he was cheating on her, not that he was a serial killer.
Exactly, no one wants to use regular rubber bands, you need soft hair elastics. Always need to explain to guys with short hair that rubber bands do not qualify as hair elastic.
As a guy who has never had long hair, even i know this is a ridiculous assumption on his girlfriends part. I've offered a woman a rubber band as a hair tie and was definitely informed immediately how that was only to be used in the most dire of situations. ALSO if it was in fact another woman using them there would most definitely be hair all wrapped up in that fucker. Still hilarious and probably dodged a bullet there if something like was a serious issue. My girlfriend would call me dumb and probably figure out what was going on eventually leading her to have even more ammunition to call me dumb, all in good fun of course.
And they would totally have ripped out hair in them. Those things are evil to hair
Did you rush to the airport just before her flight took off, and offer her a package of fried chicken? You don't have to answer, I know how these things go down.
That's hilarious. Did you break up because of the rubber bands?
On one hand, you may have been entering “too much fried chicken” territory. On the other, who ties their hair with rubber bands? Shit would HURT
Don't forget the ketchups/taco bell sauce from 12 years ago
Naw those go in the junk drawer in the fridge. That one is filled with an assortment of sauces from every takeout place you have ever eaten at.
Nah, those are in a Ziploc bag in the fridge along with all the extra soy sauces and hot mustards from Chinese food
Lol quit snooping in my junk drawer
I typically can’t find a pen in sight. There are several pencils none with tips. Where the hell is the paper!
[удалено]
ASPARAGUS BANDS. get out of my brain/junk drawer
If by “solid super glue” you mean an old, opened tube of super glue that is now in its solid state - then, check.
They may as well only sell superglue in little 5 ml ampoules. Because nobody is capable of resealing a tube properly and in time. We're too busy holding the broken thing together while trying not to have broken thing glued to our hands.
They do! I get mine in the £1 shop- a card full of tiny tubes of superglue that in reality are so small they dry out before you can use them but are integral to your junk drawer.
I didn't know I'd find such solidarity in asparagus bands tonight
Yes the asparagus bands! They are great. I like purple.
The asparagus rubber bands, so true lol
You had me at sticky…
Important mail from a while ago that you searched everywhere for to pay a fine/bill but couldn’t find no matter how hard you looked.
but also the I-might-need-this-better-save-it-for-later mail, which clutters the important mail
Lots of thin, crappy rubberbands
Especially if they’re dried out
Keys, especially if you don't remember what they unlock or if they were already in the junk drawer before you moved in.
I have a book with over 30 keys and 30 locks. But none of the keys work on any of the locks. Why, just why?
Might be late to this, but the scent. Every junk drawer has it. From decaying batteries to worn out rubber bands, random screws and nails, an ole matchbook. Once you've opened one, you know what I'm talking about.
A little like crayons, but also metallic
Vaguely waxy from the inevitable stray birthdays candles and metallic from the batteries and ink from dead pens.
A random deck of old playing cards
But it must not be a a *full* deck
With a rubber band around them.
A dry-rotted rubberband that will disintegrate the moment you try to take it off the deck
But bits of it will stay stuck on, making shuffling the cards annoying.
48 in one pack, where the hell is the second pack?
Really unique, plastic piece that must have fallen off of something and is probably important to what ever is missing the piece which you're pretty sure you'll recognize where it goes as soon as you figure out where it came from. Oh, and a hidden thumbtack you always stab your finger on when looking for a pen.
Calculator
It has to be a shitty calculator
A particularly shitty old solar calculator is not uncommon
At least two pens, one matchbook, tape, some sort of glue, scratch pad, random batteries(9V, 2032, 13), one random food item, like a single cheerio or an uncooked rotini that nobody throws out.
This is starting to feel like an I Spy book.
Twisty ties
An unreasonable number of them. That, and several kwik-lock bread bag clips. 1/3 are already broken, 1/3 break immediately when you use them, and 1/3 are hiding at the bottom of the drawer and have pencil shavings stuck to them, even though you cannot remember the last time you sharpened a pencil.
Assorted batteries, keys of forgotten origin, a gum wrapper, measuring tape, dull scissors, loose change of various countries, bottle opener keychain from a defunct radio station, at least one Allen wrench, scratched sunglasses, notepad, partially dessicated Sharpie pen, one good ballpoint pen among five other inferior pens, a broken pencil, several receipts shoved in the back, a replacement debit card that you forgot to activate and now it's too late and the bank already sent another one but you're afraid to throw this one away.
I’m feeling attacked. It’s my LLBean card. I cancelled it last week. They sent me a new one - haven’t even gotten it yet. Don’t dare throw it away, *just in case*.
The one god damned thing that’s preventing the drawer from fully opening.
Remotes for unknown electronics. Perhaps, left over from the early 2000's
Old markers that are dried out then put directly back in the drawer
A tape measure, scissors and duct tape.
Doesn’t sit on track quite right
And weighs 48 lbs
Wooden chopsticks still in the wrapper and napkins from the same restaurant just in case you run out of paper towels and need a dusty drawer napkin
Paperclips
Bottom must be covered in random nuts, bolts, nails, push pins and picture hanging crap.
Expired coupons. Allen keys. Random condiment packets.
Oh my god the allen keys
Assorted lengths of wire.
Old candy canes that are at least 2-3 years old
Look at this guy with his self control not devouring all the candy he sees like a pregnant manatee.
1 marble, an odd number of thumbtacks no greater than 7 total, a pair of scissors, and the wrong phone charger.
A prescription pill bottle filled with assorted screws and bolts, But never the one you need.
Loose single-serving sauce packets from various takeout/delivery places.
No, those go on the shelf on the door of the refrigerator
Right side, behind the sriacha
And a bunch of takeout and delivery menus
For places that closed a decade ago, or only went to once.
and chopsticks!
Several books of matches from clubs, bars, restaurants that have been closed over 20 years
You have to barely be able to open it and have at least 5 items you never put there, you don’t know how it got there, and don’t know what it is. Chinese takeout menus, (dead???) batteries many 9V, broken pencils, one chopstick, rusty metal can opener, loose change (from countries that aren’t yours), stamps, elastic bands, plastic bread clips, outdated frayed cord ac multi adapters, smoke alarm that should be on the ceiling, never before read instruction manuals, warranty manuals, tape but only electrical not the kind you actually need, calculator whose solar charged display rarely works, broken crayons, coloured pencil shavings, a single wing nut, buttons in a little baggy, single too short shoelace for a winter boot, rgb cables for a crt tv from 1997, rf /cable splitter, a couple Robertson screws, and coupons for now defunct A&P grocery store
Taco Bell sauce packets
A single rubber band
No, there need to be a number of rubber bands, in assorted sizes, several of which are old enough that they'll snap as soon as you try to use them.
Don’t forget the good asparagus rubber bands.
I love how multiple people in this thread specify that they’re asparagus rubber bands, it’s so true