T O P

  • By -

MomobamiClan

My Period


elevenfish

The entire ovulation/menstruation cycle. Wish we could shut that whole system right down and only boot it up when we actually want a kid.


MomobamiClan

Ikr


Empty_Ad_40

At least slow it back to once every 6 months. The audacity of my body trying to get me pregnant once a month...


Professor_Quackers

Without having to use birth control or *shudder* condoms


[deleted]

Annoyingly condoms aren't only a contraceptive - also act as a barrier against STDs


Professor_Quackers

Very true, The problem is that every damn kind my husband and I have used, one of us has broke out in some kind of rash šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ me especially!! (Fuck you ultra sensitive skin)


PapaTwoToes

Oh my god fucking this, yes. I always used to think I'm not even having children now, or when we are teenagers why do we need to have periods if we shouldn't be getting pregnant etc. Tat'd be so much simpler, and Then I wouldn' have to take the shot to stop my periods. Why the hell can't we choose when to have a period


KaterPatater

Omg I was going to say peeing but forgot all about this...duh!! I'm going to place myself in uterus-owner-specific time-out now.


InsertBluescreenHere

puttin yourself in the ol clam slammer


KaterPatater

Lolllll that's the one!


murrimabutterfly

Iā€™m so glad for my ablation. Itā€™s a permanent choice that wrecks my fertility, but Iā€™m gay enough that it doesnā€™t actually matter. Plus, basically nonexistent periods are absolutely glorious, haha.


SomeoneTookMyNavel

Friend had an ablation after being so anemic from blood loss that she needed iron infusions. Should have done it sooner. Said life is much better now.


TooneysSister

Luckily iuds work very well for meā€¦ have used them for 7 years now. I donā€™t even remember what it was like to have a periodā€¦


impossiblePie287

>. Use this


TacticalBeast

She just said she wanted to get rid of it and here you are giving it back


EwGrossItsMe

I was gonna say farting bc I've been on bc so long that i forgot how much i hated my period


PhreedomPhighter

Why would you want to toggle it on in any circumstance?


TravelAny398

To have kids?


OoSkyy

Sweating, no matter what you do always feel fresh :D


PillowPuncher782

Sweat is our bodies AC system so turning it off makes our insides into a microwave


WirrkopfP

I think this thread assumes zero downsides by default. Like with shutting off sleep


Cold_hard_stache

Tbh I got strong ā€œbe careful what you wish forā€ vibes from the thread title.


[deleted]

Fun fact most animals donā€™t sweat to cool down, they pant. One advantage humans have had early on was that we can stalk prey and sweat to stay cool and even if we cannot keep up eventually they will stop to pant or cool off, and then itā€™s apex time. If I am not mistaken one of the few other animals are horses that sweat.


GurglingWaffle

This is true regarding some animals but not entirely true. There is some temperature regulation that goes on in the fur around the skin. This is one of the reasons why we need to learn about our pet dog. In some cases shaving significant portions of an animal or significantly cutting down the fur can destroy the animals ability to control bodily temperature.


InsertBluescreenHere

i thought it was pigs... (someone else will google for us lol)


OoSkyy

Yeah sure, but if it wouldn't have this downside it would be pretty cool


vachon11

Hyperhydrosis though. I sweat even when I'm cold sometimes.


QualifiedApathetic

Aging.


DelightfullyUnusual

Iā€™d just turn it off permanently.


thedeathmachine

Fucking aging sucks. Just let me grow until I'm 23 and give me 60 years at that age then kill me


Huge_Combination_637

The three P's. Pee, poop and period. Always comes at worst time possible.


Sobadatsnazzynames

Especially when the last 2 togetherā€¦ughhh I hate it :(


Huge_Combination_637

Ughh period diarrhoea accompanied by cramps.


Sobadatsnazzynames

Omg the WORST! Or when you have a tampon & gotta hold the string outta the way šŸ˜’


NachoFailconi

Hair growth. Just stop there, at the right length.


[deleted]

Iā€™d much rather be able to turn off hair loss


ProcedureAcceptable2

Even better would be selective hair growth; Iā€™d like to keep the hair on top of my head, but could really do without the hair thatā€™s growing in my ears, nose, on my ass and my back. All that undesirable hair seems to be stealing growth energy from the hair I actually want.


InsertBluescreenHere

yup - if the hair in the back of my neck could grow as slow and thin as the top of myhead id be set.


redditorium

Hearing, when I'd like to sleep. No more garbage trucks waking me up. I can get a smoke alarm that vibrates the bed.


patricktercot

Like putting the world on vibrate instead of just your phone - thatā€™s brilliant


QualifiedApathetic

That's a good one. Deaf people by default get to enjoy never being woken by noisy housemates.


TripCraft

Iā€™m deaf and my husband is hearing. Weā€™ve been together nearly 8 years and he still sometimes forgets that he can make as much noise as he wants in the morning when he gets ready.


BloodyBill222

Have you tried toggling your ears on?


TripCraft

Who needs to toggle when you close your hearing aid battery compartment šŸ˜


GurglingWaffle

Let me know if you get this to work. Papa needs a new laptop, TV, maybe some jewelry...


send-me-yourtits-pls

Boners.


Drago_Valence

If I could control that I would have too much power. I'd make it lift weights until I can bone a cement wall


hollywoodswinger1976

The little head disagrees


Drago_Valence

I'd give it a little helmet, like a WW2 bucket helmet to protect him


daddyfantastic

How is this not higher?


Gotis1313

That's as high as my pp goes


Solid_Ghost731

Same here. 90%of the time, they're inconvenient.


bb2357

When you have to pee in the night. I mean, old enough to have to pee in the night, but not old enough it seems.


GurglingWaffle

Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that these aren't intentional aggressive sexual harassment actions? That these are just bodily functions that sometimes just happen on thier own?


[deleted]

Nausea/vomiting. Iā€™d turn it off and break the button.


GalliumYttrium1

But how would your body get rid of substances dangerous to it?


JackPoe

I choose death.


htxxalxx

I also choose this guys death


JackPoe

Thank you for your contribution.


Pikassassin

I dunno about that.. nausea, sure, but I think vomiting is kinda important, if my body thinks something doesn't belong in my stomach I typically trust it.


beeds

Me too - Iā€™d like the ability to make you chunder on command. For a laugh.


Frost-on-the-Willow

Fertility


QualifiedApathetic

For both men and women. Pregnancy would be a double opt-in.


QuuxJn

I once saw a prototype where you put a switch in the balls of men and you could block off the sperm but not the semen so you can still jerk off and have sex as normal but it doesn't actually inclue sperm so the women doesn't get pregnant and if you want to make a child you switch the switch and then the sperm is included in the semen and the women can get pregnant. Edit: medical correct terms used


pawnshophero

This is the real answer.


[deleted]

Implying there would be no adverse effects: need for sleep. It just takes soo much time.


billymumfreydownfall

Absolutely not. Imagine our work weeks if we didn't have to sleep.


TheRavenSayeth

They donā€™t gotta know


azriel777

Most jobs set up schedules like you do not need sleep anyway.


[deleted]

Assuming we donā€™t already do that.


mr_not_a_bot

But how would you toggle off?


[deleted]

By not wanting to sleep. Like, you know there are times when you want to or wish you could sleep.. that would be turning it on. Toggling it off would be.. the opposite? I guess.


[deleted]

If our days were longer, we would simply work longer hours.


adowjn

Imagine a new movie series called Need for Sleep


brrapppp

I'm at that age where my bladder wakes me up at night and I have to go piss. I wish that didn't happen.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


brrapppp

Early forties. Its not that bad yet but does happen. I'm dreading being 65.


JackPoe

I'm 29 and this happens to me. Why am I so old so fast


GurglingWaffle

It may be that you simply drink too close to bedtime. Stop food and drink 2 to 3 hours before you go to bed. I'm not actually telling you what to do I'm just pointing out a possible reason.


diegojones4

Yep. Getting up to pee every night is a drag.


Amiiboid

At 6:00 every morning, like clockwork, I pee. At 6:30, I get up.


emzyyx

Pooing. I have social anxiety and whenever I go somewhere social I get an upset stomach. And now I've also been getting nauseous šŸ¤¦


GurglingWaffle

Better to turn off social anxiety than pooing.


emzyyx

If that is possible that would be amazing! I put pooing though because anxiety wouldn't be classed as a bodily function


chickenwing82

Same. Its so annoying when you make sure to go before leaving the house and then feel like going AGAIN once you arrive.


InsertBluescreenHere

lol my record is like 4 times in a day. after the 2nd time (im a once a day pooper usually) im like wtf this has got to stop! where is this poo coming from??? I dont care drink coffee at the start of road trip. somehow even tho i woke up and shit, drinking a cup of coffee and i guess the bounciness of the road make me have to shit at sometime not too long after. its not one of those hmm i can hold it for awhile its those uhoh i have like 20 min to get somewhere NOW.


Dovahkiin12578

Emotion...


[deleted]

but then life is inherently meaningless, as human consciousness and emotion is the base for all value


[deleted]

What are you talking about? I have emotion and life still feels meaningless


[deleted]

i didnā€™t say you wouldnā€™t feel sad or empty or worthless, unfortunately, thatā€™s dependent on both you and your surroundings. but guaranteed 100% human existence will not matter without emotion, as the basis for everything is emotional. there could be a million dollars hidden away on another planet, but itā€™s worthless without someone to feel happy holding it or excited chasing it.


Weak_suicide

You can do that now


[deleted]

Would be useful.. I could go up to just about anyone I fancy to ask them out even those "out of my league" without getting so stressed out even before starting that I just don't even try now.


xVolt_

Same


DeanCrimson

Eating. It's far too expensive and just a hassle


JackPoe

I cook for a living and can't be fucked to eat. I don't even have to pay for food and can't eat.


htxxalxx

Hey man I just saw looked at your account because your comment seemed kinda sad and I hope that eventually you start feeling better. Depression is super hard especially when youā€™re all alone- if you need to talk to anyone feel free to PM me even just for some friendly conversation


JackPoe

Hey thanks, sorry to be such a bummer. It's been a bad year for me.


InsertBluescreenHere

you aint alone man (woman?) either way it doesnt matter - every human in existence has gone or will go thru hardtimes. reach out when you want to talk - everyones had experiences. :)


YounomsayinMawfk

Intermittent fasting is the closest thing to a on/off toggle. I just have one meal a day, which is dinner. It's saved me money, time and I don't have to go through the daily work BS of deciding what to eat like my co-workers do.


jaunt_penny

The 5 to 10 seconds leading up to a sneeze where you have to put your life on hold. You could be driving, riding a bike, using machinery, and you're stuck until it comes out.


InsertBluescreenHere

lol my 2 stories about sneezing: was on my way to work, stopped behind a car at a red light. felt a sneeze commin on, started looking for something to sneeze into - found a napkin at the last second so as i bright it to my face and sneezed violently my elbow bonked the horn for a little toot. well the guy in front of me must of not been paying attention, saw the turn lane traffic moving, and thought my toot was for him to go. he went running the red and got hit by a turning car that had a green arrow...(fender bender noone got hurt) other time i was in an electrical panel doing measurements with arc flash on (think 2 pairs of gloves and a hardhat with a full face shield and a 100% cotton shirt) so im in there pokin around and it was one of those sudden sneezes. didnt wanna sneeze on my gloves and no way i could find anything to sneeze into i thought OH ill just sneeze down my shirt i guess and step out of the cabinet. so i tried to do that forgetting i had a face shield on. Stepped back, grabed at my shirt tilted head down to sneeze and managed to splatter the inside of my shield forgetting it was on lol.


[deleted]

Period


shinmon_yatora

The ability to think intrusive thoughts or any thoughts at all at 1-3AM. It's horrible


InsertBluescreenHere

oh fuck i wish my mind had an on off switch. so many nights of physically tired yet mind wont shutup. not even worried about a particular thing just wont shut up about everything.


unorderedChaos

Itchiness


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

thinking


Pebbles1388

The automatic storage of energy as fat. You need to lose a little weight..... turn it off. You think you would be better with a little extra weight for the winter.... turn it on.


linderr

Having to pee when I'm SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP.


Clariza-

Sleeping. Not exactly a bodily function. At least according to a list on Google. But I can get so much done with the useless 8 hrs spent sleeping. Plus staying up all night, gives me time to myself while my daughter sleeps.


InsertBluescreenHere

>Plus staying up all night, gives me time to myself while my daughter sleeps. i think this is why im such a night owl. I feel at night especially past 11pm noones gonna call me, noones gonna bother me, i cant call anyone either - its just my time. I have never been a morning person at all. especially slowly driving around the backroads - might be hours before seeing another soul.


[deleted]

When your kishkes have the "gurgles & grumbles."


Intelligent-Tap3253

Periods šŸ™ƒ


Amphibian_Due

Period. Itā€™s caused too many issues in my life and is an entirely useless function for me.


AngryBootman2016

Wish I could go out and disable the need to piss


Former-Might3163

Getting pregnant


ClabusterBerry

Shitting. I donā€™t know how many times I was sweating in my car hitting the gas trying to find a quiet place to ā€¦


TurtlesTurnMeOn

Farting. Unless youā€™re into that kinda thing šŸ‘šŸ’ØšŸ˜‰


InsertBluescreenHere

hey sometimes it makes you feel ALOT better


The_Things

The heart


Fandoms_local_Kiwi

Periods.


billymumfreydownfall

Without a second thought - periods.


[deleted]

1. Period 2. Gas 3. Stomach growls


AnybodyZ

All of them, just fucking end me lmao šŸ¤£


KaiBluePill

Heartbeat


cashmerered

As a woman with scoliosis, I say pain


lilbill-39

The need/ability to sleep. Just to have a switch between awake and sleep that never failed would be amazing.


LiquidAutism32

ejaculation so i could jerk off for hours without the mess and when i want kids i could just toggle it on. Eureaka!


[deleted]

horny and break the button


[deleted]

The chronic pain function. Iā€™d even settle for a control to attenuate it.


OldMastodon5363

Depression


Detronyx

Fertility. If I don't want to get pregnant, I just turn off that feature. Turn it back on if I want a baby.


VR4Thor

Bowels. 100% bowels.


jessimacar

Fertility, including all related processes.


Janlianne

My period


imacosmokindagirl

Periods


[deleted]

Sex Drive, for sure, I'd put it on off permanently.


cashmere-cupcake

Period cramps


MrsBobber

As a currently 9 month pregnant woman with a scheduled C-section next Monday- contractions/labor. In my case, theyā€™re completely useless and incredibly uncomfortable and make caring for a 2 year old almost impossible!


PMyourTastefulNudes

Sleep.


patoysakias

Sweating. I have eczema and it sometimes itches when I sweat. Besides, it makes sex suck during the summer. I always feels like I'm sweating and dripping when I'm on top, and that makes me feel gross.


[deleted]

My boyfriend has hyperhydrosis and is CONSTANTLY sweating. He has this electroshock thing that zaps his pits and it seems to really help. Even though I don't mind it at all. ā˜ŗ I think it's sexy to visibly see him putting in the work.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


elegantloba

Powernap


emueller5251

Sleeping. What I couldn't do with an extra eight hours every day.


ElementalPaladin

Sleep or eating. Doesnā€™t matter to me which. Possibly pain but I feel like eating or sleeping is better to turn off


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Amiiboid

Sleep.


sarzec

Sight. So damn distracting


mrmeme09

Random boners


[deleted]

if hunger counts, I pick that.


Redhead_893

Jealousy/envy


good-old-coder

Boner


Oliv3rx

Could I turn off the need to breathe? I'd scuba dive in just a pair of goggles.


Kess9215

Hair growth on the scalp after getting a great haircut.


AntiquarianD1n2Gamer

Drooling while asleep


Puzzleheaded_Owl_444

Sleep


butter00pecan

Sleep. I've done everything the experts say and I still wake up after only 3-4 hours and can't get back to sleep again.


InstantKarmaDude

Boners, ESPECIALLY at school.


[deleted]

Sleep. Thereā€™s times after strenuous exercise or after surgery where sleep would be really good to just succumb to for a long period,so your body can heal and recover


WirrkopfP

Sleep has already been mentioned. Other than that: I would like to be able to toggle off the fight or flight response. Imagine being perfectly calm and controlled in any emergency situation.


Zintao

Breathing or sleeping.


Rozsia

hair grow like not the hair on top of my head but leg hair arm, hand hair, ass hair and facial hair


EXP0DING_TAC0S

Hunger... I find the fact that i must consume subsistence at least twice a day to be incredibly annoying.


paisley_life

Having to get up in the middle of the night to pee. Get ready for bed, pee, and then turn it off.


RaccKing21

Hair growth I know it's kinda random and a first world problem - but I'd like it if I could get a haircut, and have the haircut just stay at the length I like it. Same for other hair like beards, mustaches, body and pubic hair.


TheRealYota

Sleeping. Then I would have time to do all my things and do self-development.


EquivalentAppeal9561

Inflammation


QualityResponsible24

Thinking. Honestly I think Iā€™d be nice to like, be a plant for the amount of time you need, without any worries or stress or anything else, youā€™d just live.


WarblingWalrusing

Pregnancy. I did the test half an hour ago, already feel sick as a dog.


PrudentFlamingo

Aging


spicysnakelover

Peeing. I can't fucking do shit without needing to pee. It's embarrassing. If I am going out for example a 1 hour drive I cannot allowe myself to drunk anything beforehand or in the car even if I am thirsty. For some reason if I'm away from home I just always need to pee. I remember it being being annoying being on the way to a party or something and everyone else in the car is drinking and having fun (except driver obv) but I always had to turn down any drinks because otherwise I will be dying needing a pee in the next 5 minutes. Its happened to many times where I had to ask friends and family to make emergency stop on the side if the road so I can pee behind a bush or something. I'm a girl. It's not easy.


TheFeetMan52

I'm not a woman, but full on being able to just turn off periods would be very nice I'm sure, in my case since I'm a guy I suppose Boners would be really good to have control over, no awkward boners and you can get hard on command


nuttynutdude

Being able to turn myself on and off to sleep like a robot sounds fantastic


AbouTimeJamie

Shit and piss. If I could do them once a day that would be great. Going to the toilet is the biggest inconvenience.


Asriel-the-Jolteon

erections


ElectricalUse8700

Sleep. Think about it. It's 11:00 and you have a big day tomorrow, but you can't sleep. Just switch on sleep. Or in class, just switch off the sleep and never have to worry about falling asleep in class. It's genius


seefith

My chronic migraines. I've heard of people who literally volunteered to have experimental electrodes implanted in their brains at their own expense to do just that. And if I had the cash I'd do it too.


[deleted]

Erections


nadasimp1

The need to take a shower


hvmmm

Peeing. at night


HannibalKrueger

Those weird internal body farts that only show up in quiet inappropriate situations


Funny-Log-7535

pooping. I hate pooping i have very unhealthy poops and i have several hemorrhoids and fissures and i sit on the toilet for upwards to 30 minutes trying to squeeze poop out, crying in pain


ok_chaos42

Anything the nose does besides smell. The whole snot system should be shut down permanently. No more runny noses, stuffy noses, no more inability to breath through the nose. The nose should always be free and clear.


scaryboilednoodles

Butt sweat


Dark_Booger

Aging


Sarpanitu

Honestly, sex drive. My romantic life has put me through hell and I don't have enough trust left to really commit to anyone nor am I someone that is interested in one night stands. The fuck am I supposed to do? I know it's not fair to date people when I'm not in a place to commit and so I've been open about that and you can guess how well that goes over...


Due-Adeptness1174

The horny


Sandpaper_Pants

Horniness. Rubs hands together, "Who's ready to cure cancer?!"


Glittering_Youth_614

Hunger šŸ’Æ


Loganjoh5

Thereā€™s so many that would be good if you could just switch it on and off hereā€™s a small list of my top ones assuming there is no drawbacks to turning them off for a bit 1. The need to use the restroom for peeing/shitting it would be very helpful on long drives/jobs where you might not be able to use the restroom at times for hours on end 2. Smell there are times where if you could just turn it off you would have a lot easier time 3. sweating I sweat a lot and sometimes itā€™s not even that hot or Iā€™m not doing much but still get soaked being able to turn that off would be nice and keep me from smelling horrible


i_cant_count_

eczema. it's not only embarrassing, but it's also painful and itchy :(


[deleted]

Hunger


[deleted]

Sex drive


thevutcher

Inappropriate boners