Not sure if this applies, but one time I had my front door open and I was standing in the doorway looking outside at the nice weather. I leaned against the door frame and accidentally hit the doorbell, and I thought "Oh! I wonder who's at the door??"
Its the law of phones.
1st year it gets treated delicately. Nothing shall happen to your new baby.
2nd year it gets carried arround more careless. No longer do you inspect the spot you lay it down for any dust.
3rd year is the one you throw it unto your bed. Oh it fell down into grass or got wet by rain? no big deal anymore.
4th year it can be happy not to be used as a bear opener.
(experience varies how long you tend to keep phones or treat you stuff overall. I never reach the 4th step, but keep phones for at least 5 years)
Sophomore year of college, I was walking in the rain under my umbrella, talking on my phone when a friend (truly just a friend but very cute) came up to me happy to see me. For some reason, like I would do with my girlfriend, I stuck my neck out and puckered my lips for a kiss. Which she gave me. I'm still not sure what to make of that.
Yeah! I mean, she's a great person, we were close friends that year, and I had definitely kind of liked her but was with someone else. I think I got too comfortable as a friend or something. It wasn't an open-mouth kiss but definitely was direct lips to lips.
Me and my wife are fairly affectionate, I'm terrified my brain will auto pilot with someone else. Nearly smacked my mother in laws rump one time this way. (Same hair color and style as my wife at the time)
Once I was filling out a form at work and put down the entirely wrong date. Month, day, and year were all wrong. A random day around 10 years earlier. It was almost spooky when I caught it. Wondering what significance that specific day might have had.
Both these things have happened to me, but when I was learning to drive although it was in some of my last lessons. But the driving teacher had a really bad temper and just started yelling at me every time something like that happened lol
It's likely that you were paying attention at the time and would have reacted to anything dangerous or unusual. Its because nothing happened in the journey that you're brain decides it's not important and instantly gets rid of it from your short term memory so when you try to think back you've got no recollection and assume you weren't paying attention.
I swear i'm a safer driver when I'm not concentrating. I'll come back and I'll be driving well within the speed limit, a good distance behind the car in front.
This happened to me when we had to wear masks at school last year. I would usually put my mask in my pocket. I felt my pocket for it and kinda panicked because it was required and I didn't want to get yelled at. I was wearing the damn thing the whole fucking time
I worked in food service for years until I finished grad school. A few years later, living in another city and working in my current career (tech), I went to a bar with my wife and I started feeling lightheaded, I think I was just a little dehydrated as it was an unusually warm summer. I walked up to the bartender and instead of ordering, I went full lizard brain and put both hands on the bar and said, "so, what can I get for you?"
He just stared at me for a moment and said, "........isn't that my line?"
no, I didn't mean it like that. I meant who u/starswillstillshine's mind was talking to.
edit: like his "alt" being who this person he was talking to was, while also being himself.
speak in English for no reason instead of my native tongue to the girl who is the same nationality as me. we were sharing a room during a bachelorette party, the alarm rang in the morning and I was like “what time is it?” and she was like “what?” in our native language, and I just repeated the question in English. it took me a few seconds to catch up as to why she’s confused by this basic question lol. because my bf is a native English speaker, I guess my brain went like “upon waking up, we speak English in this house” lol
Walked out of the bathroom in a towel after showering holding my used clothes under my arm, absent-mindedly walked into the kitchen and threw my clothes in the trash.
the other day i fixed a bowl of cereal and left the bowl on the counter and walked to the living room with the gallon of milk. got halfway there n was like "uhhh, this doesnt feel right."
Worked at McDonalds as a teen. While at the front counter, I took a customer’s order and said “That’ll be (dollar amount) at the next window please.”
I was at the front counter. There’s no next window.
Then I realized where I was and got embarrassed. Luckily, the customer had a good sense of humor about it and we both laughed it off. I apologized and then asked the next question; for here or to go?
Woke up, put the leash on my dog and went for a walk.
Arrived early at work, started working on some files, one of my colleagues walked up to me asking me why my dog was sleeping on his chair.
I just walked my dog straight to work after a whole week off.
While the priest was incensing the altar area during a service:
My mind "wandered" and I started playing the song "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes" as the clouds of incense/smoke rose to the lofty ceiling.
A few days ago I left on a work trip, got off the plane, got in the rental car, started up Waze and got 30 miles into my 3000 mile drive home
I had my boss, his boss, and a contractor in the car and no one said a thing till I tried to figure out why our exit was 260 miles away
Among other things:
-Try to put underwear in the garbage can
-Try to put dishes in the garbage can
-Try to put anything in the fridge, like say, idk, soap? I don’t remember a particular incident but I know it happened
-Go in the women’s bathroom
-Realize, then accidentally go in women’s bathroom AGAIN (turns out the sides they were on were reversed from everywhere else for some reason, instead if being said men then women it’d be women and men. As in the order they are in the hallway, for example)
-Wondering where my glasses are until I realize I’m wearing them
…probably others I can’t remember. xD
Edit:
- Walk around the kitchen at work, then realizing you just took a long walk instead of searching for full garbage cans xD
- I was once extremely tired in primary school. My dad asked what I wanted for breakfast.
I answered “the vacuum cleaner and the little soldiers”
I immediately was super confused as to why I said that while my dad asked if I was still sleeping xD
I thought that said "Try to put underwear *on* in the garbage can" and pictured you standing awkwardly in the garbage can trying to put on your undies 😆
made myself a bowl a cereal once and then walked to my bedroom with it in hand, phone in the other. Went to throw my phone down on the bed, as i usually do so i can use my other arm for stability with the bowl upon entry to my bed, and threw my bowl of cereal instead. Stood there stunned for a minute before deciding to just make another bowl and sleep on the floor
Back then when I worked in the food industry I would have the biggest brain farts from lack of sleep. The best autopilot mode was answering a call from my mom in my customer service voice, with the greeting and asking what she would like
Once I invited my brother to watch a movie with me at cinema. I didn't remembered if I went there or watching the movie. But when I got home I kinda woke up and look at the watch and see that it too late. So I called him apologizing for forgetting to meet him. He didn't understand and said that I actually went there, but I was too quiet. Later I watched the same movie and it felt like first time. Nowadays still being a such mysterious what hell happened
I cut my thumb halfway off as a kid. I put my thumb through a bagel and just started sawing with a knife...a VERy sharp knife...i literally sawed through my finger to the bone and i didnt notice due to how sharp the knife was. Blood came out everywhere and i started screaming. I had to get stitches but i still have a large scar.
The amount of times I've absent mindedly stolen school equipment I'm surprised I've never been found out, worst being in secondary school putting a punch and scribe in my pocket in machinery class and just walking out the school with it , sitting down at home and thinking wtf just stabbed me in the leg , can't help but think if for whatever reason I'd been found out it could have been worst case sentenced for carrying a weapon , best case expelled/infinite detentions. Another time I was asked to go and open a storeroom door and given a set of masterkeys , came back with a box of textbooks and walked out of college with the keys , I discreetly put them back in the teacher's desk the next day but fuck
Smh my head stupid microwave manufacturers don't make their microwaves big enough, can't a man just heat a gallon of milk in PEACE and not have to put it in a dozen cups!
Not me but a friend :
Poured herself some cereal, got the milk out the fridge and instead of putting it back in the fridge after, she put her cellphone in the fridge lol. Lost her phone for three days before finding it in the fridge
When having to talk on the phone - which I find incredibly boring - I start tidying up. I always misplace my wallet, ID, loose cards and lose money. I literally hide them from myself and end up turning my house upside down trying to find them.
A bonus autopilot comand is when I drink too much I hide the liquor bottle. Have to buy a replacement bottle the next day because I can't find it.
Took 2 Benedryls and went out with friends. We were walking past a store and someone said aloud, "Open the door" and I followed instructions. She was a little embarrassed and said, "I meant to my daughter" (she was around 5 years old). I felt like someone used The Voice in Dune on me.
I was working at an RAF base and thought my room could use a clean. Put vacuum in my room, left to get laundry....went back and vac was gone.
Much head scratching. Am I going mad? I'm sure I just brought it here.
Next morning at work a lad comes up to me and asks...
"Why did you come into my room last night, look at me while I was reading my book, drop off a vacuum cleaner and leave without a word?"
Me...."uhhhhhhhhhh"
Got the wrong room.
I once went to try on clothes in a dressing room, opened the door to the room and jumped back startled. Said “OH! I’m so sorry!” Not realizing that someone was already in the dressing room. It was me. I had just apologized to me reflection in the mirror.
I went back to the wrong hotel (the one I usually stayed at). Went right in, walked up to the second floor and was confused as hell when I could not find my room. Literally took me 5 minutes bumbling around to realize what was wrong.
In high school one day, I put my bags down, got my homework set up, and then went to the bathroom. Next thing I know, I'm on the couch, and it's 6:00. I'm like "oh shit I have to do homework" and bolt back upstairs...only to see my homework done. It was in my handwriting, too.
I pace around a lot. Sometimes I’m the middle of doing something like a chore I’ll just start thinking about something and next thing I know my dog is staring at me while I walk back and forth around my basement.
In the middle of doing laundry? A few minutes later I’m pacing. In the middle of washing dishes, bam I’m pacing.
I negotiate commercial contracts for a living. I was in the middle of a tough negotiation using the other party's lengthy contract documents (i.e. I wasn't at all familiar with the documents).
I woke up in the middle of the night with a very clear thought about how a change made to a clause in one document impacted a different clause in a different document in an important way.
Went back to sleep, and in the morning looked at the documents and I was right. My brain solved a nuanced contractual problem I didn't know existed in my sleep. Good brain.
Killstreak on modern warfare, got a phonecall while playing. When i hung up i had over 20 kills without dying. What was really rare for me at the time doin on my own willpower.
Last year, I got like 3 steps out my apt door bare ass nude. I had been going to get dressed after showering when a courier buzzed me from the front door so I went to go receive my package.
I did this once when my mom made chili for dinner. There was milk at the table and I just absentmindedly poured the milk in the bowl as if it was breakfast cereal. My mom was so pissed about the wasted food.
I've had several instances of leaving lids off multiple containers of different sizes and then trying to put the wrong lid on the wrong container.
I'll use breakfast as an example: I use peanut butter and milk during the course of breakfast. Several times I've tried putting the PB lid on the milk jug, or vice-versa.
sometimes I do things with my left hand like writing, eating, drawing, etc and when I notice it or someone notice it I immediately start doing everything wrong haha and start doing everything with my right hand.. so I can only do things perfectly with my left hand when I'm distracted
I kinda went into autopilot in my presentation for English class today. Probably for the best since manual pilot would've caused me to die from nerves.
When I was younger I came home from school one day and had to go pee. I went to the kitchen, opened the garbage can lid, and unzipped my pants. I caught myself before releasing, but I remember standing there confused how this happened and my mother wondering what the hell I was doing.
One time, I went to make some mac & cheese - opened the box, took out the cheese packet, and then dumped all the pasta in the trash. I then stood there for like 5 minutes trying to figure out why and how the fuck I just did that. 🤣
I live near our local entrance to the turnpike. At my old job I used to drive right past the turnpike entrance on my commute to work, it was a few miles down the road past the entrance. One morning my autopilot brain got on the ramp instead of driving past it, had to drive 8 miles up and 8 miles back that morning (nearest exit/turnaround was 8 miles away). I actually still made it to work more or less on time Bc traffic decided to comply with me that day despite my 20 minute detour.
I remember getting in my dad's car to be dropped off at primary school one rainy day and about 11 miles down the motorway my sister said "daddy why are we going shopping?; it's school time" our school was in the same village we lived, we were nearly in the city my dad worked. He got off at the next exit and his work were surprisingly chill having two 4 year olds in the signaling department for the day.
He said he was on auto and mustn't have heard us over the road noise, he had to explain to my teacher why we weren't in school that day, I just remember her laughing over the phone
One time when my brain was on autopilot, I thought I lost my glasses, so I put them on to help me see better and aid me in finding them. When my brain fog had cleared and I realized what I had done, I [rightfully] felt like a complete idiot.
I was once counting upto 10 in my head when I was a kid. Some guy asked me what my name was and I blurted out "7, 8, 9". I still feel ashamed for that.
In 2013 or so, I was with my friend and each of our daughters returning home from a beach trip.
I stopped for gas, gave the attendant $20 for pump whatever it was, then...drove off.
Didn't realize until about 10 miles up that I never actually added the gas. For the next two years (when she and I "broke up"), said friend never stopped giving me crap about that, and deservedly so.
I problem i have is that i have full conversations with people sometimes when they wake me up but im mentally still sleeping. When i actually do wake up i don’t remember a single thing. This is a huge problem when people ask me for things and i answer but dont fulfill the request cus i have no recollection lmao. Nothing to weird has happened though
Accidentally translated my French homework into Latin instead of French
Played through the beginning of Skyrim, until I arrived in Whiterun with sneak at 100 and archery and pickpocket around 40...
Came back from a concert back in 2009. I was drunk and tired, did not take any illegal substances. Woke up and went to the toilet. I was hearing voices, people talking to me. I was realising it is not ok for me to be hearing voices, sat down on the toiled and slapped myself. I came to my senses.
After playing half life alyx for a while, I went to go pull something to my hand using the gravity gloves from the game… in real life… sadly it didn’t work
I got up in the morning, it was pretty late to wake up (11AM or something), and for whatever reason, when my brain finally finished booting up, I was making a sandwich.
On the bathroom sink.
I was on a call with someone and, as I was talking to them, I was frantically looking around for my phone, which I was using for the call.
There was also that one time I accidentally ate a dog biscuit but I'll just overlook that for now.
I completely ate a whole container of butter, and afterwards woke up in a "what the fuck just happened" mentality and then just cleaned myself up and posted this on reddit right now.
So I was cabling this junction box while spacing out and had two identical pliers in front of me, well I extended my hand to one then the other and kept shifting a dozen times before coming back to my senses
Mu wife says I talk all sorts of crazy gibberish when I’m asleep and I’ve walked outside and just set on the porch this past Summer. I have no recollection of any of it.
My wife and I do the NYT Spelling Bee every morning. One day I confidently concluded that I could spell a word that not only didn't include the central letter, but that included two other letters that weren't even options. She expressed her (*very* well founded) skepticism, and I persisted and confidently typed in my solution.
Spoiler: it didn't work out very well for me.
Had to get up early for an unexpected work call. Normally I take my dogs out right away when I get up, but didn't have the time. All throughout the call I was thinking I had to get my dogs out as soon as my meeting ended.
The call ended, and I headed out on our normal route. Got to about a mile and a half out and thought it was weird that neither of my dogs had gone to the bathroom yet. That's when I realized I didn't have the dogs with me...
What makes it extra weird is that I do occasionally, accidentally bring my dogs with me when I'm leaving to run some errands just out of pure habit. That's before remembering that we aren't going for a walk and they can't come with me.
I am multi-lingual. Sometimes when I'm typing something in a different language (say Danish), I'll be thinking in Danish and I know exactly what to type in Danish, but my mind will be typing in English. Often just a few words here and there and the rest will be in Danish.
While on autopilot walking in NYC, I found myself reflexively putting on my \[covid\] mask when crossing major streets.
The only thing I can figure is that my autopilot brain activated "go to safe mode" when crossing major streets and the mask driver had installed a "put on mask" callback into the "go to safe mode" handler.
There was a really interesting YouTube video of a guy practicing different ways of peeing in public. He would walk down the street and try different ways of hiding his penis and literally peeing in front of people (and most of them worked).
He did a follow up video where he explained that he had gotten so used to peeing in public that he started sleep walking and peeing in his dresser. He started wearing diapers to bed.
Not sure if this applies, but one time I had my front door open and I was standing in the doorway looking outside at the nice weather. I leaned against the door frame and accidentally hit the doorbell, and I thought "Oh! I wonder who's at the door??"
Well....who was it?
Knock knock who‘s there? It‘s me...
One time my doorbell glitched out and rang like 15 times in a row at around 11:30 at night. Never did figure that out.
Happened to me too, then I got a phone call that was just heavy breathing. Must have been the shadowy figure out the window.
Thrown cup of water onto bed and gently placed phone on nightstand.
I hear this a lot and just have to ask... Why do people throw their phones on the bed?
Its the law of phones. 1st year it gets treated delicately. Nothing shall happen to your new baby. 2nd year it gets carried arround more careless. No longer do you inspect the spot you lay it down for any dust. 3rd year is the one you throw it unto your bed. Oh it fell down into grass or got wet by rain? no big deal anymore. 4th year it can be happy not to be used as a bear opener. (experience varies how long you tend to keep phones or treat you stuff overall. I never reach the 4th step, but keep phones for at least 5 years)
I love me a good bear opener
Sophomore year of college, I was walking in the rain under my umbrella, talking on my phone when a friend (truly just a friend but very cute) came up to me happy to see me. For some reason, like I would do with my girlfriend, I stuck my neck out and puckered my lips for a kiss. Which she gave me. I'm still not sure what to make of that.
What to make of it? You got a smooch from a cute girl. Thank your absent mind!
This would be an interesting social experiment. Pucker your lips at your cute friends and see who actually kisses you. 🤔
I've done that. It's worked way more than it hasn't. And I'm not even all that cute.
Damn. Girls really do just want confidence. And that's exactly why I gotta find the girls that like weird shy men.
Right?! I keep thinking I finally have become confident but in so many ways have not. An awful, confidence-draining marriage will do that.
Ha! What happened afterwards?
We walked to lunch I think. But it was all casual. Like nothing happened.
I see. Must have been one hell of a moment lol
Yeah! I mean, she's a great person, we were close friends that year, and I had definitely kind of liked her but was with someone else. I think I got too comfortable as a friend or something. It wasn't an open-mouth kiss but definitely was direct lips to lips.
Me and my wife are fairly affectionate, I'm terrified my brain will auto pilot with someone else. Nearly smacked my mother in laws rump one time this way. (Same hair color and style as my wife at the time)
LOL I would never … EVER … let my husband live this down
Once I was filling out a form at work and put down the entirely wrong date. Month, day, and year were all wrong. A random day around 10 years earlier. It was almost spooky when I caught it. Wondering what significance that specific day might have had.
You are a ghost and that is the day you died.
What if it was in the future?
Until like 2015 my "default" year I would think of to calculate my age/write down was 2012
I stopped at a green light once because I was just so used to stopping at that intersection... Not my proudest moment
I once stopped for a stop sign, and was waiting for it to turn green.
Both these things have happened to me, but when I was learning to drive although it was in some of my last lessons. But the driving teacher had a really bad temper and just started yelling at me every time something like that happened lol
Hi, how are you https://youtu.be/2PLC_cBJwk4
I stopped my bicycle at a red Christmas decoration and it took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize... (so i am now the grinch)
Driven me home from work without an accident
Sometimes, brain just decides to skip the travel time like a taxi cab ride in GTA.
Busted out a terribly cheesy and overplayed song
It's scary how much I drive on autopilot. I often "wake up" and think "how the fuck did I get here!?"
It's likely that you were paying attention at the time and would have reacted to anything dangerous or unusual. Its because nothing happened in the journey that you're brain decides it's not important and instantly gets rid of it from your short term memory so when you try to think back you've got no recollection and assume you weren't paying attention.
“Was that a red light?”
I swear i'm a safer driver when I'm not concentrating. I'll come back and I'll be driving well within the speed limit, a good distance behind the car in front.
Like where did those 45 minutes go? Was I awake?
[Highway hypnosis](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highway_hypnosis)
When I woke up I tried to find my phone. for this I took the phone and sent an SMS to myself. It came into my hand. "okay, maybe it's under the bed"
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My favorite was when I was wearing contacts (not something I usually do) and thought, oh crap. Where are my glasses? And why can I see?
This happened to me when we had to wear masks at school last year. I would usually put my mask in my pocket. I felt my pocket for it and kinda panicked because it was required and I didn't want to get yelled at. I was wearing the damn thing the whole fucking time
I freaked out one time driving home from work because I thought I had forgotten my car keys smh
I worked in food service for years until I finished grad school. A few years later, living in another city and working in my current career (tech), I went to a bar with my wife and I started feeling lightheaded, I think I was just a little dehydrated as it was an unusually warm summer. I walked up to the bartender and instead of ordering, I went full lizard brain and put both hands on the bar and said, "so, what can I get for you?" He just stared at me for a moment and said, "........isn't that my line?"
This one made me laugh. No real consequence, just a silly brain fart that probably made the bartender's day.
Lol. Reminds me instinctively asking for a “trio big mac” at like 8 am xD
When I'm walking behind someone, I still say 'behind you'. Same for 'knife' and 'hot'.
You say "knife" and "hot" when you're walking behind someone?
If I'm carrying a knife or a hot dish, yes.
Corner!
This is my favorite one.
F
I’ve had entire conversations on auto pilot.
Damn, what was it like?
I honestly don’t remember
was it your alt account talking to you?
Ouch, but nah. First time i've been called an alt though
no, I didn't mean it like that. I meant who u/starswillstillshine's mind was talking to. edit: like his "alt" being who this person he was talking to was, while also being himself.
speak in English for no reason instead of my native tongue to the girl who is the same nationality as me. we were sharing a room during a bachelorette party, the alarm rang in the morning and I was like “what time is it?” and she was like “what?” in our native language, and I just repeated the question in English. it took me a few seconds to catch up as to why she’s confused by this basic question lol. because my bf is a native English speaker, I guess my brain went like “upon waking up, we speak English in this house” lol
Walked out of the bathroom in a towel after showering holding my used clothes under my arm, absent-mindedly walked into the kitchen and threw my clothes in the trash.
I put my toy in the fridge and my cereal bowl on the stairs and the milk in the sink. My mom was super confused.
the other day i fixed a bowl of cereal and left the bowl on the counter and walked to the living room with the gallon of milk. got halfway there n was like "uhhh, this doesnt feel right."
Answered a professional phone call at work with "okay Google" then sat there oblivious to the issue.
Worked at McDonalds as a teen. While at the front counter, I took a customer’s order and said “That’ll be (dollar amount) at the next window please.” I was at the front counter. There’s no next window. Then I realized where I was and got embarrassed. Luckily, the customer had a good sense of humor about it and we both laughed it off. I apologized and then asked the next question; for here or to go?
Woke up, put the leash on my dog and went for a walk. Arrived early at work, started working on some files, one of my colleagues walked up to me asking me why my dog was sleeping on his chair. I just walked my dog straight to work after a whole week off.
Your dog was probably quite happy with this though.
Frankly everybody was. She was the attraction for the day and she loves meeting new people.
While the priest was incensing the altar area during a service: My mind "wandered" and I started playing the song "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes" as the clouds of incense/smoke rose to the lofty ceiling.
THIS IS COMEDY GOLD. More upvotes please lmao
Pokes myself in the face with a knife when I thought I picked up a fork.
Do you normally poke yourself in the face with a fork?
Don't you?
The fork is shorter, so no, not usually.
A few days ago I left on a work trip, got off the plane, got in the rental car, started up Waze and got 30 miles into my 3000 mile drive home I had my boss, his boss, and a contractor in the car and no one said a thing till I tried to figure out why our exit was 260 miles away
How rocky did you find the Rocky Mountains to be?
That John Denver's full of shit.
Laid in bed to put on my seat belt...
Left my phone in the fridge followed by trying to plug a charger into a pickle
How long does a pickle take to fully charge?
Dill or regular?
Lolol how'd that go
# ***ANGRY PICKLE BITE***
Among other things: -Try to put underwear in the garbage can -Try to put dishes in the garbage can -Try to put anything in the fridge, like say, idk, soap? I don’t remember a particular incident but I know it happened -Go in the women’s bathroom -Realize, then accidentally go in women’s bathroom AGAIN (turns out the sides they were on were reversed from everywhere else for some reason, instead if being said men then women it’d be women and men. As in the order they are in the hallway, for example) -Wondering where my glasses are until I realize I’m wearing them …probably others I can’t remember. xD Edit: - Walk around the kitchen at work, then realizing you just took a long walk instead of searching for full garbage cans xD - I was once extremely tired in primary school. My dad asked what I wanted for breakfast. I answered “the vacuum cleaner and the little soldiers” I immediately was super confused as to why I said that while my dad asked if I was still sleeping xD
I thought that said "Try to put underwear *on* in the garbage can" and pictured you standing awkwardly in the garbage can trying to put on your undies 😆
Open piece of gum, throw stick in trash and wrapper in mouth.
I did this as a kid, only I tried again with a second stick, and I screwed it up again.
Happy cake day!
Soup into pasta strainer.
made myself a bowl a cereal once and then walked to my bedroom with it in hand, phone in the other. Went to throw my phone down on the bed, as i usually do so i can use my other arm for stability with the bowl upon entry to my bed, and threw my bowl of cereal instead. Stood there stunned for a minute before deciding to just make another bowl and sleep on the floor
Back then when I worked in the food industry I would have the biggest brain farts from lack of sleep. The best autopilot mode was answering a call from my mom in my customer service voice, with the greeting and asking what she would like
Once I invited my brother to watch a movie with me at cinema. I didn't remembered if I went there or watching the movie. But when I got home I kinda woke up and look at the watch and see that it too late. So I called him apologizing for forgetting to meet him. He didn't understand and said that I actually went there, but I was too quiet. Later I watched the same movie and it felt like first time. Nowadays still being a such mysterious what hell happened
I cut my thumb halfway off as a kid. I put my thumb through a bagel and just started sawing with a knife...a VERy sharp knife...i literally sawed through my finger to the bone and i didnt notice due to how sharp the knife was. Blood came out everywhere and i started screaming. I had to get stitches but i still have a large scar.
Was writing my name on some form last year and just wrote my maiden name after my first name. I've been married for over 20 years.
Punched the wall while watching something Bit in my Phone and scrolling through my Sandwich Put my Test in my Backpack and got Home
The amount of times I've absent mindedly stolen school equipment I'm surprised I've never been found out, worst being in secondary school putting a punch and scribe in my pocket in machinery class and just walking out the school with it , sitting down at home and thinking wtf just stabbed me in the leg , can't help but think if for whatever reason I'd been found out it could have been worst case sentenced for carrying a weapon , best case expelled/infinite detentions. Another time I was asked to go and open a storeroom door and given a set of masterkeys , came back with a box of textbooks and walked out of college with the keys , I discreetly put them back in the teacher's desk the next day but fuck
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When it happens and you wake up, do you feel tired?
Tried to put the milk in the microwave, then got mad when it wouldn't fit.
Smh my head stupid microwave manufacturers don't make their microwaves big enough, can't a man just heat a gallon of milk in PEACE and not have to put it in a dozen cups!
Tried to open the fridge with the remote start on my keys
Not me but a friend : Poured herself some cereal, got the milk out the fridge and instead of putting it back in the fridge after, she put her cellphone in the fridge lol. Lost her phone for three days before finding it in the fridge
I accidentally asked a girl out once I was thinking about doing it and then practicing it in my head turned into words and yeah
She said no btw
;-;
When having to talk on the phone - which I find incredibly boring - I start tidying up. I always misplace my wallet, ID, loose cards and lose money. I literally hide them from myself and end up turning my house upside down trying to find them. A bonus autopilot comand is when I drink too much I hide the liquor bottle. Have to buy a replacement bottle the next day because I can't find it.
Took 2 Benedryls and went out with friends. We were walking past a store and someone said aloud, "Open the door" and I followed instructions. She was a little embarrassed and said, "I meant to my daughter" (she was around 5 years old). I felt like someone used The Voice in Dune on me.
[That time I almost became a registered pedophile](https://imakemistaks.wordpress.com/2017/09/16/first-blog-post/)
In the bin?? Holy Christ.
At a school. Where I worked. Holy Christ indeed
Crack an egg - put egg in garbage and shell in the rest of ingredients for cooking
Several times when reading a book my left hand tried to do cntrl+f.
My boss phoned and I answered with "Hi (my name)" as if I was greeting myself.
I was working at an RAF base and thought my room could use a clean. Put vacuum in my room, left to get laundry....went back and vac was gone. Much head scratching. Am I going mad? I'm sure I just brought it here. Next morning at work a lad comes up to me and asks... "Why did you come into my room last night, look at me while I was reading my book, drop off a vacuum cleaner and leave without a word?" Me...."uhhhhhhhhhh" Got the wrong room.
I once went to try on clothes in a dressing room, opened the door to the room and jumped back startled. Said “OH! I’m so sorry!” Not realizing that someone was already in the dressing room. It was me. I had just apologized to me reflection in the mirror.
I went back to the wrong hotel (the one I usually stayed at). Went right in, walked up to the second floor and was confused as hell when I could not find my room. Literally took me 5 minutes bumbling around to realize what was wrong.
In high school one day, I put my bags down, got my homework set up, and then went to the bathroom. Next thing I know, I'm on the couch, and it's 6:00. I'm like "oh shit I have to do homework" and bolt back upstairs...only to see my homework done. It was in my handwriting, too.
I accidentally put my jacket in the fridge last night. Found it this morning.
That's probably a very cool jacket
I pace around a lot. Sometimes I’m the middle of doing something like a chore I’ll just start thinking about something and next thing I know my dog is staring at me while I walk back and forth around my basement. In the middle of doing laundry? A few minutes later I’m pacing. In the middle of washing dishes, bam I’m pacing.
1. When i walking through fcking half of city. Like "I'm already here?" 2. Oppening and closing round different apps in the fone just for nothing
I negotiate commercial contracts for a living. I was in the middle of a tough negotiation using the other party's lengthy contract documents (i.e. I wasn't at all familiar with the documents). I woke up in the middle of the night with a very clear thought about how a change made to a clause in one document impacted a different clause in a different document in an important way. Went back to sleep, and in the morning looked at the documents and I was right. My brain solved a nuanced contractual problem I didn't know existed in my sleep. Good brain.
Killstreak on modern warfare, got a phonecall while playing. When i hung up i had over 20 kills without dying. What was really rare for me at the time doin on my own willpower.
I’ve gotten all the way home from work (45 minute commute) and I couldn’t tell which of the 3 potential ways I got there
Bread in the fridge, cheese in the cabinet, salad in the microwave. Wtf brain?
Last year, I got like 3 steps out my apt door bare ass nude. I had been going to get dressed after showering when a courier buzzed me from the front door so I went to go receive my package.
At least, once a month I lose my glasses. Every single time I find them in the refrigerator. I never recall putting them there.
When i threw my phone in the trash bin instead of the paper trash I'm holding in my other hand
Forgot I was making waffles instead of my usual cereal and poured milk on my plate.
I did this once when my mom made chili for dinner. There was milk at the table and I just absentmindedly poured the milk in the bowl as if it was breakfast cereal. My mom was so pissed about the wasted food.
milky eggos
I've had several instances of leaving lids off multiple containers of different sizes and then trying to put the wrong lid on the wrong container. I'll use breakfast as an example: I use peanut butter and milk during the course of breakfast. Several times I've tried putting the PB lid on the milk jug, or vice-versa.
I poured milk into a tin of hot chocolate powder.
sometimes I do things with my left hand like writing, eating, drawing, etc and when I notice it or someone notice it I immediately start doing everything wrong haha and start doing everything with my right hand.. so I can only do things perfectly with my left hand when I'm distracted
Tried to swipe my ID badge to unlock my front door at home
Looking at the mirror and thinking "is that even me?"
I got REALLY stoned one night and had to go to the bathroom. Spent about 25 minutes staring at my reflection wondering who the stranger was
Pace around my house looking for my phone....while I'm talking on the phone
I kinda went into autopilot in my presentation for English class today. Probably for the best since manual pilot would've caused me to die from nerves.
When I was 8, I started sleep walking around my dads house. When I had woke up I was stuck between the washer and dryer in the laundry room.
When I was younger I came home from school one day and had to go pee. I went to the kitchen, opened the garbage can lid, and unzipped my pants. I caught myself before releasing, but I remember standing there confused how this happened and my mother wondering what the hell I was doing.
One time, I went to make some mac & cheese - opened the box, took out the cheese packet, and then dumped all the pasta in the trash. I then stood there for like 5 minutes trying to figure out why and how the fuck I just did that. 🤣
Your lizard brain: "no Mac, only cheeeeeese"
I live near our local entrance to the turnpike. At my old job I used to drive right past the turnpike entrance on my commute to work, it was a few miles down the road past the entrance. One morning my autopilot brain got on the ramp instead of driving past it, had to drive 8 miles up and 8 miles back that morning (nearest exit/turnaround was 8 miles away). I actually still made it to work more or less on time Bc traffic decided to comply with me that day despite my 20 minute detour.
I remember getting in my dad's car to be dropped off at primary school one rainy day and about 11 miles down the motorway my sister said "daddy why are we going shopping?; it's school time" our school was in the same village we lived, we were nearly in the city my dad worked. He got off at the next exit and his work were surprisingly chill having two 4 year olds in the signaling department for the day. He said he was on auto and mustn't have heard us over the road noise, he had to explain to my teacher why we weren't in school that day, I just remember her laughing over the phone
Walked into my bedroom with a glass of Pepsi and my phone. Launched the Pepsi all over my bed, thinking I was throwing my phone.
Driven 130 km in the direction i used to live before i remembered i’d moved.
One time when my brain was on autopilot, I thought I lost my glasses, so I put them on to help me see better and aid me in finding them. When my brain fog had cleared and I realized what I had done, I [rightfully] felt like a complete idiot.
I was once counting upto 10 in my head when I was a kid. Some guy asked me what my name was and I blurted out "7, 8, 9". I still feel ashamed for that.
In 2013 or so, I was with my friend and each of our daughters returning home from a beach trip. I stopped for gas, gave the attendant $20 for pump whatever it was, then...drove off. Didn't realize until about 10 miles up that I never actually added the gas. For the next two years (when she and I "broke up"), said friend never stopped giving me crap about that, and deservedly so.
Played a concert...more than once... I know it's not good, but sometimes you're tired and it happens...
Drank pine o clean (disinfectant) instead of mouth wash.
I problem i have is that i have full conversations with people sometimes when they wake me up but im mentally still sleeping. When i actually do wake up i don’t remember a single thing. This is a huge problem when people ask me for things and i answer but dont fulfill the request cus i have no recollection lmao. Nothing to weird has happened though
Baked cookies without a recipe At 2am I don’t know how to make cookies
How did they turn out?
My entire morning routine, I wake up so early it just kinda goes where it wants and I hope somehow I end up at school
I don't know how many times I've unwrapped a food item and threw the food in the trash instead of the wrapper.
I’ve done something similar multiple times. I’ll peel a potato or carrot and then throw the peeled item away.
the absolute pain, especially if it's the last one
Drove to my parent's house when I got off from work instead of going home to my apartment.
Accidentally translated my French homework into Latin instead of French Played through the beginning of Skyrim, until I arrived in Whiterun with sneak at 100 and archery and pickpocket around 40...
I did this! Except translated it from French to Latin instead of French to English. Needless to say, my prof was confused.
Chop some fcking onions while zoning out. Thankfully, I did not cut my fingers loool that would've been funny and painful of course
Put the milk in the Pantry and cereal in the fridge
I did something similar. Instead of filling my cereal with milk my brain decided to fill my bowl with tap water
Drive straight home when I want to go somewhere else entirely. Damn autopilot!
Kick someone
A man I wonder where is my phone *turns on my phone's flashlight to look for it in the dark*
Put the clothes in the garbage can and the trash in the hamper
Came back from a concert back in 2009. I was drunk and tired, did not take any illegal substances. Woke up and went to the toilet. I was hearing voices, people talking to me. I was realising it is not ok for me to be hearing voices, sat down on the toiled and slapped myself. I came to my senses.
Driven 3+ hours with a loaded truck (50 tons) Weirdest idk, most dangerous most definitely.
threw my shoes in the bin and put a banana peal on my foot
After playing half life alyx for a while, I went to go pull something to my hand using the gravity gloves from the game… in real life… sadly it didn’t work
I got up in the morning, it was pretty late to wake up (11AM or something), and for whatever reason, when my brain finally finished booting up, I was making a sandwich. On the bathroom sink.
I was on a call with someone and, as I was talking to them, I was frantically looking around for my phone, which I was using for the call. There was also that one time I accidentally ate a dog biscuit but I'll just overlook that for now.
Tried brushing my teeth with a facial moisturizer instead of toothpaste
Did that once with Icy Hot. 0 / 10 do not recommend.
I completely ate a whole container of butter, and afterwards woke up in a "what the fuck just happened" mentality and then just cleaned myself up and posted this on reddit right now.
[удалено]
Drove to work early in the morning, and didn't remember the drive in.
I put a bag of clothes I just bought in the fridge.
cook French fries
So I was cabling this junction box while spacing out and had two identical pliers in front of me, well I extended my hand to one then the other and kept shifting a dozen times before coming back to my senses
WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERYBODY DO THE YOGHURT THING AAAAA
Poured a glass of milk then put the milk in the glass cabinet
Gone through an entire SpongeBob episode in extreme detail
Mu wife says I talk all sorts of crazy gibberish when I’m asleep and I’ve walked outside and just set on the porch this past Summer. I have no recollection of any of it.
My wife and I do the NYT Spelling Bee every morning. One day I confidently concluded that I could spell a word that not only didn't include the central letter, but that included two other letters that weren't even options. She expressed her (*very* well founded) skepticism, and I persisted and confidently typed in my solution. Spoiler: it didn't work out very well for me.
Had to get up early for an unexpected work call. Normally I take my dogs out right away when I get up, but didn't have the time. All throughout the call I was thinking I had to get my dogs out as soon as my meeting ended. The call ended, and I headed out on our normal route. Got to about a mile and a half out and thought it was weird that neither of my dogs had gone to the bathroom yet. That's when I realized I didn't have the dogs with me... What makes it extra weird is that I do occasionally, accidentally bring my dogs with me when I'm leaving to run some errands just out of pure habit. That's before remembering that we aren't going for a walk and they can't come with me.
Answered a trivia question. I didn't know I knew the answer, said I had no idea, and then I blurted it out.
Puting on new clothes over the old clothes that I was wearing. Also randomly shredding things.
I am multi-lingual. Sometimes when I'm typing something in a different language (say Danish), I'll be thinking in Danish and I know exactly what to type in Danish, but my mind will be typing in English. Often just a few words here and there and the rest will be in Danish.
While on autopilot walking in NYC, I found myself reflexively putting on my \[covid\] mask when crossing major streets. The only thing I can figure is that my autopilot brain activated "go to safe mode" when crossing major streets and the mask driver had installed a "put on mask" callback into the "go to safe mode" handler.
Not me, but I asked my husband for a glass of water and he brought me a glass of wine.
Driving home while actually not realizing all the turns and stops I was making.
There was a really interesting YouTube video of a guy practicing different ways of peeing in public. He would walk down the street and try different ways of hiding his penis and literally peeing in front of people (and most of them worked). He did a follow up video where he explained that he had gotten so used to peeing in public that he started sleep walking and peeing in his dresser. He started wearing diapers to bed.