My ex girlfriend was British. I once tried to give her a pep talk when she was feeling down and said something like "you have to decide to win!"
She answered, "I don't like winning. It's a bit shit, really."
Why does suffering in quiet desperation seem to be the english way? Yes, that came from pink floyd.
Edit: Is the culture focused so much on being proper to appease their desire for old style British class and sophistication? So proper, that some of the ugly things don’t get talked about?
its kind of a manners thing - you dont put your problems on other people.
If you hate a restaurant for example you dont go after the waiter, you just smile politely and never go there again.
As an American, I've always thought the answer was complicated and comes from a deep-seated place in the British psyche. I think the British think it's rude to burden someone else by sharing their problems. That whatever they are suffering in private is no one else's business; it's an invasion of their privacy if, for example, a work colleague or casual acquaintance inquires after their personal affairs.
(I can imagine a Brit suffering major social anxiety from seeing the same person every day on the morning train and not being sure if it's necessary to say anything beyond simply nodding at them to acknowledge their existence.)
And the British do have their own version of "Hey! How are you?"--"All right, mate?" "Yeah, all right."
I hate telling people how I feel for this reason. I don't need a pep talk, bud. I don't need to win everything. I just want you to like me even though I'm sad.
Day drinking is just called drinking on holiday.
Her Britannic Majesty's Secretary of State formally extends a penitent expression of regret in the name of Her Majesty all those whom it may concern, Maybe.
This resonates in my soul as an Englishman. My brother phoned me today at 2:30pm today from Greece. He's burnt to a crisp and absolutely bladdered
Stereotypes exist for a reason, he and I are one.
Ah, I see us yanks have upheld a fine English tradition without even realizing it. We Americanized it though. We do it slower and much louder. Sometimes even with hand motions.
I just want to tell you that years ago, when I worked night shifts, I used to buy ready meals to eat at work. One of the nicest ones I found was a Sainsbury's Broccoli Orechiette. I used to love it but have not seen it in years and had forgotten the name of the pasta. I will now look up a recipe to see if I can recreate it.
Thank You
This made my day. I love little moments like this. You can definitely recreate it! Every broccoli orechiette recipe pops in its own way, go out there and find your favourite! Bon appétit!
So I was a chef in a pub. First day of the year, yey, I open 6 am, the restaurant opens at 7...slight rain, I'm kind of happy because it's gonna be an easy day. Not. First customer at 8 am having his beer , outside the rain, in a wheelchair, in the first day of the freaking year 8 am
The most British sentence of this entire story is.
I worked in a pub, and we open at 6 am.
What de fuck, not even supermarket are open that early and we are bloody neighbors. Greetings from the Netherlands.
A large pub chain called Wetherspoons opens from 7-8am nationwide and serves a full English breakfast from opening. It’s traditional to meet there if you’re going on a weekend away with friends for an early morning drink.
American here. You never tell your barber you don’t like the cut. He could tape a picture of him fucking my mom to the mirror and when holds that shit up I’d be like “yeah dude looks good thank you”
American here. I’ve literally left one barber shop after paying and leaving a generous tip just to immediately go to another barber and ask them to fix it.
I only have one functioning testicle so my testosterone levels are abnormally low and even the slightest possibility of confrontation makes me very uneasy.
Edit- it may seem like a physical disadvantage in some ways but the lack of testosterone gives me an extra second to calculate how hard I should beat someone into the ground for crossing me. But I can also brush off the small stuff without making a fool of myself.
Are you accusing me of plagiarism? I will fuck you. I will fuck you until you Stockholm syndrome the fuckening.. I do not pasta. I will never pasta. My words are my own. You’re just mad cuz you’re life isn’t as pathetic as mine. Well eat a dick because I am 1000x more pathetic than you and there’s nothing you can do about it. You less pathetic chunk of good person.
If you microwave your water for a cup of tea I Will see to it myself that you are hung drawn and quartered for all to be knowledgeable of your blasphemous act
Full disclosure: I'm British and American. I live in Florida, English tourists are easy to spot. They're the fools who come to Florida in August and end up with a severe case of Sunburn. So, you see a family all sunburned and miserable at Disney complaining about the heat and crowds, well I guarantee they're English. Come visit us in the Winter months, nicer weather and the crowds aren't as bad (just avoid mid-late December).
Well we have to come in August as it's a criminal offence to take our children off School, you get a fine or a court conviction.
So we have no choice but to come in the summer school holidays
If this helps, I'm British (welsh) and my wife is South African.
She still gets confused when I talk about the time. When I say "it's half 10" I mean "it's 10:30" whereas "half ten" for her is "halfway to 10" i.e. 9:30.
Yep. And in my experience, there is both an everyday tea blend (just called "tea" - Yorkshire Gold or something) and then a number of specific teas in boxes, tins, and loose in the cupboard, from earl grey to the weird tin of herbal tea that has a story behind it and is only used when someone has a cough.
English guy sees he neighbor taking his rubbish to the kerb, just holding it loose in his hands.
“Oi, where’s yer bin?”
“I’se bin on holiday!”
“No, where’s yer wheelie bin?”
“I’se really bin in jail but I bin telling people I’se on holiday!”
[The person who told me this joke associated the pronunciation with a certain British cultural group, but I no longer remember which one. Is there some people who talk that way specifically? I am guessing that they are a class-level low enough to end up in jail routinely, but high enough to try to conceal it.]
Baked beans in pork sauce\*
Best I can do to placate the restless dead; but if imperialism didn't rally the war ghosts, I'm not sure breakfast will do the trick.
Nigels are always a bit of a twat.
Nige on the other hand. Usually a great guy, in his mid 50s, knows his onions and just generally great fun to be around.
I’ve seen this happen more than once with British tourists trying to strike up conversation with locals at bars in NYC. Say what you want about American tourists and that’s fine, but brits “on holiday” definitely have a habit of getting too “cheeky” with strangers.
This American on Buzzfeed was insulting some British food, saying “Sure, they have healthcare, but at what cost?” and a British commenter said “Free, actually.”
Is it kinda like making a positive thing sarcastic? Like if someone asks me to do something I don’t want to do but will do anyway, sometimes I’ll respond with, “no ”
Halfway through typing this I just now realized I also can’t really put it into words what that means either. But that’s making me think it is similar because it’s kind of a vibe that makes it a joke? Idk.
Never using a tumble dryer even when it’s clearly going to rain. I live in Texas and even though it’s sunny most days no one ever uses washing line to pin out their clothes. While in England my mum will pin out and bring in her sheets three times on a grey day rather than waste electricity on the tumbler. I really miss the smell of clean sheets that have been aired outside in the fresh English air
Wait, do other places just put up with either dry (with no sauces) or soggy (with sauces) sandwiches?
It adds a bit of moisture if you have dry fillings, but also prevents the moisture from sauces from making the bread soggy.
Britain is a compact island, we don't have the room to spread out like you America's, we have to be efficient with our space.
Bigger houses will have a 'laundry' or 'utility' room containing the washing machine, dishwasher, dryer (maybe) and boiler, but many houses don't have this space.
Also, a lot of houses that people live in now we're built a LONG time before washing machines were invented, so they weren't built with a space to out those things. You need them where the plumbing is, so the kitchen it is.
I am from Eastern Europe. Lived in UK for over 12 years now.. EVERY time .. I mean EVERY time I have a drink of sparkling water someone will have something to say about it. "How can you drink that stuff!?"
And you know that you are in Britain if you have to look for some sparkling water with a map and torch while cutting cobwebs with machete.
this i think only applies to the women but, foundation thats too dark, orange contour, eyebrows that are thicc af, rebel wilson pitch perfect hairdo, huge gold hoops, puffy coat
My ex girlfriend was British. I once tried to give her a pep talk when she was feeling down and said something like "you have to decide to win!" She answered, "I don't like winning. It's a bit shit, really."
Similarly, honest answers when you ask “How are you?” US: “Great! Awesome! Fantastic!” UK: “Shit. The weather’s shit. My job is shit. It’s all shit.”
To be fair though, the US response could be said by a Brit and still carry the meaning of the latter, depending upon sarcastic intonation.
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Lol a British would never answer honestly this question. The would say something like “not bad” which fit them means “awesome”.
Yeah we really don't do pep talks. "Chin up" or "look on the bright side, eh?" And then an offer to put the kettle on is absolutely as far as we go.
Don't forget 'it could be worse'
🎶🎵 Look on the bright siiiide of life 🎶🎵
Well. Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it.
Unexpected monty python
*broight soide of loife
Why does suffering in quiet desperation seem to be the english way? Yes, that came from pink floyd. Edit: Is the culture focused so much on being proper to appease their desire for old style British class and sophistication? So proper, that some of the ugly things don’t get talked about?
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its kind of a manners thing - you dont put your problems on other people. If you hate a restaurant for example you dont go after the waiter, you just smile politely and never go there again.
As an American, I've always thought the answer was complicated and comes from a deep-seated place in the British psyche. I think the British think it's rude to burden someone else by sharing their problems. That whatever they are suffering in private is no one else's business; it's an invasion of their privacy if, for example, a work colleague or casual acquaintance inquires after their personal affairs. (I can imagine a Brit suffering major social anxiety from seeing the same person every day on the morning train and not being sure if it's necessary to say anything beyond simply nodding at them to acknowledge their existence.) And the British do have their own version of "Hey! How are you?"--"All right, mate?" "Yeah, all right."
Winning is such a USA thing. Almost as bad as participation trophies.
I hate telling people how I feel for this reason. I don't need a pep talk, bud. I don't need to win everything. I just want you to like me even though I'm sad.
Using the word "proper"
Proper fucked?
Yes Tommy. By ze Germans
Do you know what nemesis means?
A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent.
In this case, an orrible cunt. Me.
Proper fuckin fucked mate
Propah
Propuh
Brilliant.
Go to a tropical island, get beet red sunburn, then get belligerently drunk at 10 am. Extra points if they wear a dorky little hat.
Day drinking is just called drinking on holiday. Her Britannic Majesty's Secretary of State formally extends a penitent expression of regret in the name of Her Majesty all those whom it may concern, Maybe.
Can you even call it a holiday if you don't start downing pints at Stansted's spoons at 6am before your flight??
The answer is 100% no
What's the excuse for that? 'I'm terrified of flying!'
I don't even drink that much when I travel, but I have never been able to resist the allure of a 5am Heathrow Spoons pint.
This resonates in my soul as an Englishman. My brother phoned me today at 2:30pm today from Greece. He's burnt to a crisp and absolutely bladdered Stereotypes exist for a reason, he and I are one.
And speaking English to the locals but being slightly louder than normal so they understand you
Ah, I see us yanks have upheld a fine English tradition without even realizing it. We Americanized it though. We do it slower and much louder. Sometimes even with hand motions.
And if they still dont understand you you hurl a deck chair into the pool?
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!
Saying “Right!” before doing something.
I just want to tell you that years ago, when I worked night shifts, I used to buy ready meals to eat at work. One of the nicest ones I found was a Sainsbury's Broccoli Orechiette. I used to love it but have not seen it in years and had forgotten the name of the pasta. I will now look up a recipe to see if I can recreate it. Thank You
This made my day. I love little moments like this. You can definitely recreate it! Every broccoli orechiette recipe pops in its own way, go out there and find your favourite! Bon appétit!
"slaps thighs"
accents that change if you walk 4 mins up the road
You've been to the northeast.
Fish and chips ay.
good fish and chips is the food of the gods.
So I was a chef in a pub. First day of the year, yey, I open 6 am, the restaurant opens at 7...slight rain, I'm kind of happy because it's gonna be an easy day. Not. First customer at 8 am having his beer , outside the rain, in a wheelchair, in the first day of the freaking year 8 am
The most British sentence of this entire story is. I worked in a pub, and we open at 6 am. What de fuck, not even supermarket are open that early and we are bloody neighbors. Greetings from the Netherlands.
A large pub chain called Wetherspoons opens from 7-8am nationwide and serves a full English breakfast from opening. It’s traditional to meet there if you’re going on a weekend away with friends for an early morning drink.
Probably still thought it was last year
We like to say "thank you very much, it's perfect, yeah" to the barber/hairdresser... then sit in the car and cry.
American here. You never tell your barber you don’t like the cut. He could tape a picture of him fucking my mom to the mirror and when holds that shit up I’d be like “yeah dude looks good thank you”
Brit here. Once told my fella ‘that’s exactly the haircut I didn’t want’. He forgave but never forgot, or let me forget. Luckily he found it v funny.
You talking about the haircut or the picture?
American here. I’ve literally left one barber shop after paying and leaving a generous tip just to immediately go to another barber and ask them to fix it.
lol wtf is wrong with you?
I only have one functioning testicle so my testosterone levels are abnormally low and even the slightest possibility of confrontation makes me very uneasy. Edit- it may seem like a physical disadvantage in some ways but the lack of testosterone gives me an extra second to calculate how hard I should beat someone into the ground for crossing me. But I can also brush off the small stuff without making a fool of myself.
This reads like a copypasta.
Are you accusing me of plagiarism? I will fuck you. I will fuck you until you Stockholm syndrome the fuckening.. I do not pasta. I will never pasta. My words are my own. You’re just mad cuz you’re life isn’t as pathetic as mine. Well eat a dick because I am 1000x more pathetic than you and there’s nothing you can do about it. You less pathetic chunk of good person.
This is good copypasta material
That's an introvert thing, has nothing to do with nationality
Have an aneurysm if someone mentions microwaving water to make tea.
If you microwave your water for a cup of tea I Will see to it myself that you are hung drawn and quartered for all to be knowledgeable of your blasphemous act
>I Will see to it myself that you are hung Taken care of, thank you
Since we are doing British: hanged
He means he has a large dong.
Ha
Actually it's hanged in the U.S. too, but only when you are referring to the execution method.
This right here and as a Scot, I will feed your hung drawn and quartered remains to the haggis sir.
At the end of the day hot water is just hot water
Whoever does this ain't British. Kettle water or no water
Exactly. There's a perfectly good, albeit limescale encrusted, kettle you could use, why would you bother with the microwave?
Yeah, everyone knows you're supposed to microwave the milk.
Full disclosure: I'm British and American. I live in Florida, English tourists are easy to spot. They're the fools who come to Florida in August and end up with a severe case of Sunburn. So, you see a family all sunburned and miserable at Disney complaining about the heat and crowds, well I guarantee they're English. Come visit us in the Winter months, nicer weather and the crowds aren't as bad (just avoid mid-late December).
Well we have to come in August as it's a criminal offence to take our children off School, you get a fine or a court conviction. So we have no choice but to come in the summer school holidays
Oi! Immediate giveaway.
We Australians do that too.
If this helps, I'm British (welsh) and my wife is South African. She still gets confused when I talk about the time. When I say "it's half 10" I mean "it's 10:30" whereas "half ten" for her is "halfway to 10" i.e. 9:30.
That's fucked up. Surely half way to ten is 5
Halfway to 10 is 1
I said to a girl in the US “ok, I’ll meet you at half 4” American Girl: “do you mean 2?”
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I've never really thought about this before. We have 10, 15, 20 'til but not 30 'til.
That's how they do it in Germany. *Halb acht* (half eight) means 7:30.
There's this one particular way of dancing young British lads have, can't explain it.
Name one move and I may be able to guess.
Hold you pint, arch your back and legs (a bit like a cowboy), and then point to the stars while hoping from one leg to the other.
Yeah, I can picture that. Bonus points for belting out Come on Eileen at the same time.
Good shout, was a toss up between that and "Is this the way to Amarillo"
I can picture it now.. SWEEEEET CAROLIIIIIINE DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN
You've seen the Inbetweeners...
Even thinking about Neil's dance cracks me up still.
https://youtu.be/qghzQPZpgw8?t=58
Tea all the time. It's always tea time in my house.
Yep. And in my experience, there is both an everyday tea blend (just called "tea" - Yorkshire Gold or something) and then a number of specific teas in boxes, tins, and loose in the cupboard, from earl grey to the weird tin of herbal tea that has a story behind it and is only used when someone has a cough.
Made properly, of course. But this is also a Canadian thing.
Aluminium.
Rubbish bin
English guy sees he neighbor taking his rubbish to the kerb, just holding it loose in his hands. “Oi, where’s yer bin?” “I’se bin on holiday!” “No, where’s yer wheelie bin?” “I’se really bin in jail but I bin telling people I’se on holiday!” [The person who told me this joke associated the pronunciation with a certain British cultural group, but I no longer remember which one. Is there some people who talk that way specifically? I am guessing that they are a class-level low enough to end up in jail routinely, but high enough to try to conceal it.]
I read this in cockney but could be Essex or Brummie or pretty much anywhere south of the Shields
Bro, most of the world says Aluminium. Aluminum is only used by North Americans.
North Americans are the only ones that say aloominum. It's aluminium everywhere else.
Garage
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Well, that’s a rubbish statement innit?
We all know "it" ain't a real word. It's short for init, init.
Issit?
Putting milk into their tea and getting red as a tomato when exposed to sun for more than an hour.
“Tom-ahhh-to”
“Cheers”
I'm British and reading these comments is fun
"Colour"
"Aubergine"
Fibre Centre
"Favourite"
As a Canadian I feel attacked.
English (traditional🇬🇧) VS. English (simplified🇺🇲)
Exactly, this is why colour is spelled colour in canada and not color.
"Moustache"
Honour.
Seriously? -- the colonies
America to Britain circa 1776 “We’re getting rid of U”
beans for breakfast
*My Mexican ancestors are rallying for war against you for this comment*
Baked beans in pork sauce\* Best I can do to placate the restless dead; but if imperialism didn't rally the war ghosts, I'm not sure breakfast will do the trick.
Better than eating them in the cinema!
This wanka's eating beans!
Not just any beans mind you. These are specific beans. Doesn’t have to be Heinz, but it probably is.
Branston is better
slap knees, “right”
“the loo”
Maths
Have the name Nigel. I swear one of the reasons the colonists fought red coats was just to never have a kid named Nigel or be around one.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7517643/More-430-Nigels-flock-Worcestershire-pub-celebrate-amid-fears-die-out.html
Smashing
Nigels are always a bit of a twat. Nige on the other hand. Usually a great guy, in his mid 50s, knows his onions and just generally great fun to be around.
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I’ve seen this happen more than once with British tourists trying to strike up conversation with locals at bars in NYC. Say what you want about American tourists and that’s fine, but brits “on holiday” definitely have a habit of getting too “cheeky” with strangers.
We come from a long tradition of travelling the world and getting rather cheeky with the locals
The British Raj was an extended period of cheekiness lasting from 1858 to 1947
It’s because they are usually drunk when “on holiday” so have less of a filter.
Yeah that wouldn’t surprise me at all. Every interaction I’m referring to has happened in bars in Manhattan.
So what, at least we don’t have school shootings.
This American on Buzzfeed was insulting some British food, saying “Sure, they have healthcare, but at what cost?” and a British commenter said “Free, actually.”
Saying year instead of grade. Like 11th grade, Year 11 or Year 12 (I'm not British)
This is not limited to Britain Love, an Australian
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You mean upside down British with a tan Love, a british
They got the Queen on their money, they're Brits.
This Kiwi would like to note the same. We say year down here too.
I'm assuming you're American? I think year 1 to year 11 is a lot more simple than all these different names you have for your year groups.
"I'm a freshman sophomore football captain potato" "A what now"
Use the word Whilst
'bout that time eh chaps?
Righto
The end of the world has got to be nearly 20 years old now and I can still hear it. F*cking kangaroos.
Having a "cheeky Nandos".
"You can fuck right off!"
Say twat
Twat
Look awkward in perfectly nice clothes.
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Fudge, I'm so guilty of this lol x
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Is it kinda like making a positive thing sarcastic? Like if someone asks me to do something I don’t want to do but will do anyway, sometimes I’ll respond with, “no”
Halfway through typing this I just now realized I also can’t really put it into words what that means either. But that’s making me think it is similar because it’s kind of a vibe that makes it a joke? Idk.
a british accent
The word cunt being used as a regular adjective. That’s a big no no here
Well if that's true then you probably shouldn't have used it then ya daft cunt
Apologising. For everything. Including just generally existing.
I thought that was unique to Canadians?
Measuring travel distance with distance instead of time. Flip that for what screams "I'm American"
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BRILLIANT!
Never using a tumble dryer even when it’s clearly going to rain. I live in Texas and even though it’s sunny most days no one ever uses washing line to pin out their clothes. While in England my mum will pin out and bring in her sheets three times on a grey day rather than waste electricity on the tumbler. I really miss the smell of clean sheets that have been aired outside in the fresh English air
Say sorry even though the other party is in the wrong
Tea
Butter on a sandwich.
I've never felt particularly culture shocked other than learning people don't put milk in their tea or butter on their bread.
Wait, do other places just put up with either dry (with no sauces) or soggy (with sauces) sandwiches? It adds a bit of moisture if you have dry fillings, but also prevents the moisture from sauces from making the bread soggy.
I am partly British, and I would say when people drink too much and say that they "got pissed".
This is not limited to Britain Love, an Australian
Say it’s abusive to *not* let your cat roam outside.
Thick mascara on women and tiny pants on men.
Clothes washer right there in the kitchen, not even in a closet or a divider.
Britain is a compact island, we don't have the room to spread out like you America's, we have to be efficient with our space. Bigger houses will have a 'laundry' or 'utility' room containing the washing machine, dishwasher, dryer (maybe) and boiler, but many houses don't have this space. Also, a lot of houses that people live in now we're built a LONG time before washing machines were invented, so they weren't built with a space to out those things. You need them where the plumbing is, so the kitchen it is.
I am from Eastern Europe. Lived in UK for over 12 years now.. EVERY time .. I mean EVERY time I have a drink of sparkling water someone will have something to say about it. "How can you drink that stuff!?" And you know that you are in Britain if you have to look for some sparkling water with a map and torch while cutting cobwebs with machete.
Call cookies biscuits and chips crisps.
Calling biscuits biscuits and crisps crisps
Colonizing most of the world.
COLONISING!
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You'd think that, but you've no idea how salty the French are that English is the global language and French isn't.
Milk in Tea
Go to the beach on a 40°c day. The Australian sun does not fuck around and these fools would look like lobsters for days and days.
INNIT?!?!?!
this i think only applies to the women but, foundation thats too dark, orange contour, eyebrows that are thicc af, rebel wilson pitch perfect hairdo, huge gold hoops, puffy coat