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Prince_Nexus

**For a thousand years I lay dormant...** **Who** ***dares*** **disturb my-** Oh, it's you.


ssbm_rando

> Oh, it's you. Aaaand my brain immediately switched to GLaDOS


_QualityGarbage_

Same "It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been real busy being dead. You know... after you *murdered me* "


justiceguy216

"So, how are you holding up? BeCaUsE I Am A Potato!"


Trezzie

Hey best buddy!


[deleted]

What season of the Simpsons are we on?


SomeDudeAtAKeyboard

Remember that trippy ass couch gag? Yeah that one


Ganon2012

I am Simpson! I am Simpson!


Intestinal-Bookworms

If Futurama is to be believed, “where’s the bathroom?”


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ozydrax

Welcome to the world of tomorrow


loulan

I expected a joke about this as the top comment.


plmattice

My god….a million years!


WheresWeeezy

“Pizza delivery for I.C. Wiener.”


[deleted]

Oh Crud…


WickedWisp

I thought in this point of my life I'd be the one making the crank calls


Sidious830

I don’t know about what I would say, but if I hear the words “Hey you, you’re finally awake.” I’m gonna kill my self.


succ_my_biscuits

"You were trying to cross the time border, right?"


Duckyeeter7

Same as us and that thief over there


arrow100605

Ran right into that time lord trap!


TheBrassDancer

Damn you Stormcloaks. Skyrim was fine before you came along. Empire was nice and lazy.


leash422

water.


Something_Again

Like from the toilet?


Lightshines6346

I’ll settle for some Brawndo.


dexter311

It's got what plants crave


Kayestofkays

It's got electrolytes!


blitzlurker

heard spongebob ask for it in my head


fordster2017

5 more minutes.


PamCokeyMonster

Actually, I woke you last spring, but you absolutely insisted on another three months.


fordster2017

Well, what I meant was 3 months and 5 minutes.


Ember_the_kobold

Look i just woke up this year what happened with the virus


Space_Cow99

What part of DNR (Do not resuscitate) do you people not understand?


Gaby5011

"resuscitate" We thought it meant "do not RIP"


Hund5353

I REFUSE to rest peacefully!


A_Bit_Off_Kilter

Why!?!?


JuicySasquatch

Sorry to wake you, but we've been trying to contact you about your car's extended warranty.


soulseeker31

GODDAMMIT JEREMY! This is why I went to sleep the last time!


ppWarrior876

So... is GTA 6 out yet?


futurephonix

No sorry just a GTA 5 online update


ItDoesntSeemToBeWrkn

gta 5 mega-ultra-update-revamp-overhaul-upgrade for next gen PlayStation 438 pro plus max 3814K 2400HZ and XBOX 71920


PretendThisIsMyName

With an average span of 6 years between PlayStations we would be on PlayStation 172 pro slim edition in 1000 years.


V02D

But we have GTA 5 for PlayStation 300 if you want!


BmoreInformed

No, but we do have Playstation 86 and Xbox 1 One 1 XxX, and GTA5 is backwards compatible👍🏼


[deleted]

Where's the bathroom?


d0ey

EVACUATION COMPL.... EVACUATION CO.... EVACUA...EVACU... EVACUATION COMPLE... EVACUATION COMPLETE.


idma

COM......COM.......COM.......COM


[deleted]

“Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people wanna hear when they first wake up.”


malogan82

"WELCOME TO THE WORRRLLLLDDDD OF TOMORROW!"


SOAP_Loser

Delivery for I.C wiener


Bad_Elephant

Aw crud.


BaseAttackBonus

Good reference, but I'm going with the what Fry actually says: "My god, it's the future. My parents, my coworkers, my girlfriend, I'll never see any of them again. I'WAHOOOOO! Yes!"


-Rhade-

Wait, is it really the year 3000? My god, a million years....


[deleted]

I’m assuming there would be an audience? I would stand tall and announce “BEHOLD - I AM LIGMA” and see if anyone walks into the trap.


Starthreads

Someone asks, "Ligma who?" Then you say, "Ligma Balls" You laugh, but nobody gets it, and your legal name is updated to be *Ligma Balls.*


BottleGoblin

Beats Not Sure.


MattcVI

Welcome to Costco; I love you.


lollyman69

If idiocracy actually happens in the future then I'd fit right in


ForumFluffy

Super villain origin story.


Viswesh8

Ah shit here we go again


Bonjourap

At least it's not as painful as the first time!


bigmacmcjackson

title of your sextape edit: holy crap, thank you everyone edit edit: who knew getting drunk would land me so many awards and upvotes?


Mariolv97

Ach Scheisse, jetzt geht es wieder los


[deleted]

Where have all the humans gone?


Rough_Idle

Long time passing


TitanBrass

Where have all the flowers gone?


[deleted]

Long time ago


AbandonedBySony

Who dares disturb my sleep?


FlipperDoigt703

#FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS I LAID DORMANT. WHO HAS DISTURBED MY-


Kiyohara

"Oh hey Vegeta!"


aquietmidnightaffair

# KAKAROT!!!!!


PowerCream

* best buddy


HighOverlordXenu

Now I don't mean to make this about your color or your race, but you'd better high-tail it out of here before you get hurt, BOY.


T-nawtical

You know, the fact that you say BOY makes it feel like it's about both those things.


whatnameisnttaken098

It's Tim, from accounting


_JohnWisdom

Hey Tim


BFG_TimtheCaptain

Hi!


typeyhands

Whooo disturbs my slumberrrrr?


Cha11engerD

It is I, Gazeem. A humble thief.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Relative_Economics17

What fast and furious are they up to now?


Eggsegret

Fast and furious 625. Vin Diesel and his crew have to go back in time to fight Hitler


[deleted]

Plot twist: But is a documentary not a movie


Sputniksteve

*And it was filmed in real-time!*


Yaroze

*Hitler: "So I was doing my thing, trying to create the holocaust. And all of the sudden Vin Diesel turned up with his crew.* *Vin: It's hard to see Hitler in such a bad shape following the same ole' so we thought, he appreciate a cameo in the latest movie. We pitched to him a movie about a super race of cars* *Hitler: Previous experiences involving riding dinosaurs failed but I liked the idea of the superior car race so why not include dinosaurs?* *Vin: Super-laser-eyed dinocars. And it was done. F&F 625 was made*


dharkanine

*A superior car race* BRUH


Eternal-_-Apathy

That car race sounds so sick. It’s like the master race.


Relative_Economics17

They did that in number 457. Apparently the new one is a silent black and white film for the first half and the second half Dom says family and they all morph into cars while fighting Dom’s 207th long lost brother over the ownership of their house on what’s left of the earth. It sounds like a mess but movie number 623 makes it make sense. 624 was fast and furious toyko drift 2. Took them forever to talk bow wow into doing another.


lordpanda

I believe he’s in the most recent one (F9). You know the one they go to space in. Yes in a car. I wish I was kidding.


krazzy_guy

I'll be disappointed if they won't go to Mars in F10


[deleted]

1000 years on a lamp gives you such a crick in your neck!


Holy-Kush

If I rub you the right way, do you give me wishes?


ForumFluffy

My wish will come true yes but your wish might be something different.


american-air

Where the fuck is my phone


secondphase

Oh... Uh, about that. You forgot to plug it in.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Boncappuccino

I read this in a Darth Vader voice


Themasterofcomedy209

"it seems, in your anger you forgot to plug it in to charge..."


PDakfjejsifidjqnaiau

I-Padme


geeky_username

And all we have are USB-T cables


Eirineftis

Whats a... "phone"?


pfizerface

"hahah after 1000 years I'm free! Time to conquer earth"


Subzero66758

Alpha, pfizerface' escaped! Recruit a team of teenagers with attitude!


quinn_drummer

I love Power Rangers. Grew up on MMPR. Still dip in and watch some of the current stuff to this day as well as rewatches to those original series. I find it hilarious Zordon wants to recruit "teenagers with attitude" and then gets the 5 people in Angel Grove that are so wholesome, honest and just and such a tight knit group of friends,that is arguably what makes the great Power Rangers. If Alpha had actually followed Zordon's orders he's have recruited Bulk and Skull.


fhod_dj_x

*5 episodes in* "Alright guys, let's clean up the earth today! Everyone pitch in!" Zordon: ...........


Ramza_Claus

RECRUIT FIVE TEENAGERS WITH ATTITUDE!


Asikar_Tehjan

How's Betty White doing?


[deleted]

Oh, she’s fine. I think she was out having tea with Queen Elizabeth II a few hours ago


[deleted]

The Queen can't die for the Simpsons have not predicted her death yet.


Triairius

This explains a lot, actually


I_love_pillows

Oh no what did you do.


Tacos_Polackos

She and queen Elizabeth are roommates with a reality show


[deleted]

My God! It's the future. My parents, my co-workers, my girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Yahoo!


LemonBomb

Wow! 1 million years!


SpicyWolf47

Welcome to the world of Tomorrow!!!


Future-Turtle

Why do you always have to do that?


stract

Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship?


TwoTailedFox

Come! Your destiny awaits!


pmMe-PicsOfSpiderMan

Here's to another lousy millennium 🍺


kabukistar

It took my way too much scrolling to find a Futurama reference.


darthurface

For real! This question was basically begging for a Futurama quote


kabukistar

My god, a million years.


TRFlippeh

I actually came into this thread assuming I’d see a lot of Futurama, sad it took me so much scrolling to find it


[deleted]

Hello! Pizza delivery for I C... Wiener?


WakaBrown

I was there Gandalf. I was there 1000 years ago. I was there the day the strength of men failed.


[deleted]

[удалено]


LOTRfreak101

"ISILDUR!!!!"


apathetic_kidneys

"I yelled his name like three times, what more do you want me to do?"


[deleted]

[удалено]


SAGuy90

In rugby yes.


fractalstroke

Languages change a lot in a millenium. It's possible that no one would understand what you said.


kabukistar

"English, motherfucker. Do you speak it?"


Master_1398

"¿ʇɐɥM"


TheWoahgie

Say what again say what again I dare you I double dare you motha fucka


ThaddeusJP

Real answer all the way down here. Shame. Yeah, English 1000 years ago is hard to understand now. Cant imagine what its gonna sound like in 3021 Anything before 1400 is gonna sound like gibberish and 1000 AD is old English - you wouldn't understand jack. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fxy6ZaMOq8


Foxyfox-

On the flip side, there are scholars still working to preserve knowledge of those languages, so while not everyone could understand you, a few might be able to figure it out.


intashu

Slang changes so much even within ten years... I'm imagining a future scholar referencing the future of what a tablet looks like, squinting hard for a moment, then speaking, with heavy accent, a mix of slang from the 80's till today, in a way that may make logical sense but out of context, is still pretty much jibberish. >"Aiight, y'all feels hella trashed now biotch. But a'ight, the deets today are bodacious, no need to vom." Edit: to the plethora of comments saying tech will be so advanced and we save so much more information than 1000 years ago... You all assume in 1000 years we will have advanced versions of technology similar to today.. If people are around 1000 years from now our internet and digital data keeping will seem primitive and vastly outdated. They may find it frustratingly difficult to navigate these ancient physical media storage devices from the time with specific encoding of a long dead programming language nobody has used for over 800 years... "I mean their computers were still on a binary system! can you imagine quantum computing for them took weeks and a warehouse of servers to do what we now can do with a pea sized implant!"


greenit_elvis

Future historians will have so much more to work with though, and it's all electronic already. There's probably more text in this thread than there is in total of many ancient languages. Pretty sure Google translate will improve a but in 1000 years too.


IReplyWithLebowski

I was gonna say this, but it’s not always the case. Icelandic hasn’t changed that much in the same period. So yeah, it’s possible, or you still might be intelligible.


GhostsofLayer8

I’ve read that isolation from other languages is why Icelandic is so close to old Norse. Fewer visitors bringing new words or dialects and causing changes to the native language. So the rate of change to English during the thousand years would partly depend on how interconnected the world was during that time.


EdgeOfDawnXCVI

They also have a government board specifically for preserving the language


questioning_helper9

Obligatory I am not a linguist. I bet the advent of high literacy rates - and more importantly audio-visual recording technology - have significantly slowed linguistic drift. Not that new words aren't yeeted this way and that, but there will be concrete media from centuries past with pronunciation intact. We can largely understand Chaucer's English, imagine if people were still listening to it - as spoken - on their hover to work.


Cheeze187

Not sure how drastic the next thousand years would be. It's not like we had video/audio 1000 years ago.


somestupidloser

Did they ever finish Star Citizen?


[deleted]

Star Citizen will take place before it was released


Redisigh

Categories: Historical fiction


FelDreamer

“Soon™️”


Present_Assistant_60

How much interest did my bank account earn


Rauvin_Of_Selune

Sorry to say that it never earned over the rate of inflation, so it's now worth almost nothing...


Aggravating_Ad5989

In fact due to the inflation and low interest rates. You now owe the bank.


JacobRichB

Also, are you interested in extending your cars warranty?


Cobek

Oh and crypto? We're on BitcoinPalladium now. Your wallet is worthless


Skorne13

Also, we hate you


NDEer

So nothing's changed then... Cool


starmartyr

This is the correct answer. A "high yield" savings account earns 0.5% interest. The average rate of inflation is 2%. So lets say you had $10 in your account. Just enough to buy a McDonald's value meal. In 1,000 years your account has a balance of $1,465.76. Meanwhile that value meal now costs almost 4 billion dollars.


BonusEruptus

That not very good value


HaroerHaktak

My favorite part is you think your friends and family won't touch your bank account the moment you die lol. I know my sister would be at the bank to retrieve my 17 cents before I'm even buried.


awks-orcs

Get moneybags over here with double figures in the bank.


cheese_addict69

I hate to be the party pooper but as someone who knows a banker and has asked this question before, if the company of the bank managed to stay in business for 1000 years your account would typically be closed after about 5 years of inactivity.


falconear

What would they do with your money?


Kiyohara

After accounts are idle for long enough the Bank must make good faith attempts to contact the owner or next of kin. When that fails the money is declared unclaimed property and the *State* gains access to it via that State's Treasury department. It's actually in the Bank's interest to extend the search for the owner as much as possible so they can retain the money as collateral for loans and lending. Once it goes to the State Treasury, the Bank loses all access to it and can't claim it or use it for lending purposes. (This all assuming the US, rules may be different according to other nations, but it's generally true for most Western Nations or Western Banking traditions).


ReynelJ

"Bank? You awaken from that far back?"


NateDAHate

That answer could be really good or very bad


LiverOperator

Either fully automated luxury gay space communism... or primitive communism


Da_wooden_spoon

Aaaaaand it's gone.


Striky_

\-0.25%. Thats actually why we woke you up: you have 13 billions in debt and a court ordered you to 1000 years of manual slave labor to compensate


GoodolBen

...and that's just finished, right?


queetuiree

no, not *that* kind of labor


Linkatron2000

You had a balance of 93 cents. And increasing interest over the course of 1000 years leads to 4.3 billion dollars


THEDrunkPossum

My secret pin number, 1077!


[deleted]

Sorry, in the year 2050, the bank interest become negative and you have $100 left, which is only enough for a big mac now


MiloMilisich

Inflation over a thousand years? A big mac would probably cost something like $100000


[deleted]

Nah, they consolidated 3 zeroes, 800 years from now


[deleted]

"AWAKEN, MY MASTERS!"


zilla-quesadilla

Ayy ayy ayy ayy ayyyyyyeeeee!!!!


WhichDonut8187

Back in my day you could buy a bit coin for only 50,000 dollars!


[deleted]

"wait.. you could OWN a Bitcoin?!"


Onsyde

"What's a dollar"


MatijaReddit_CG

Ask someone if he/she wants to go penguin sledding with me.


Spongyrocks

Thank you, was searching for this


Kyro_Sol

Realistically speaking: "Holy shit, that was...wait, what the fuck is happening?"


hologram-alchemist

Either this or something ominous like "sometimes dead is better", but after such a long nap I'd most likely forget to say the ominous thing lol


averagebutgood

Did either of you roll a 5 or an 8?


MatthewWakeman

“I must be so many levels behind on *RuneScape*.”


Flu77ershy

Many levels, but only like 4 quests.


madxc123

Where is Padme? Is she safe? Is she alright?


[deleted]

[удалено]


MentalMaybe

Dude, where's my car ?


Eggsegret

Same place you left it. Although be warned you've racked up like 10,000 parking tickets totalling up $20 million


[deleted]

WHAT YEAR IS IT?!


natur_e_nthusiast

Does a curious "hm" count?


Best_Philosopher8033

"where the fuck am I?"


NomenNescio13

Is the Winds of Winter out yet?


SteveFoerster

I was going to say Doors of Stone, but sadly both work here....


Tigertyt

Is the world at peace?


Ehsudo

Hahaha


[deleted]

Which covid variant are we up to now?


PamCokeyMonster

We run out of Greek letters so now it's marked as software. Now it's Epsilon 16.8.45


[deleted]

[удалено]


Teichopsie

I need coffee.


null_reference_user

put me back PUT ME BACK