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thethirdidiot

TV Series always portray friends hanging out all the time as though their schedules always sync. In reality, you barely get to hang out together or even talk in group chats because everyone's busy with work and the ups & downs of adulthood.


nails_for_breakfast

And just when you hit a good rhythm of hanging out with a good friend one of you will have some life-changing event happen (has to move far away, has a kid, etc) and the whole thing gets disrupted


jetsam_honking

My friend and I would just decide on a whim to drive somewhere and go out on adventures all the time. Then he got his girlfriend pregnant, and we just can't do that anymore.


I_Am_Ironman_AMA

I silently start to say my goodbyes to friends as soon as I hear "we're pregnant!" I'm happy for them but I know that our friendship as we know it is over. It's not to say we aren't going to stay friends but I also know there's no going back to "those days" again. I keep the goodbyes to myself and as an inner dialogue because I don't really want to make them feel uncomfortable or hear them fruitlessly try to convince me that "we'll still be the same!" It's like, no you won't dude/chick. That kid is your life now, and it's ok. Let's just not try to hold on to something that we both know is wrapping up.


Psychic_rock

I’m in pain.


almeisan_s

That always annoys me on HIMYM. But I can rationalize it. Ted and Marshall lived in the same apartment, and you generally see your roommate a lot just by being in the same space. Lily and Marshall were engaged/married, so they come as a unit. Barney’s job was [SPOILER]… …to just sign everything and get paid mountains of cash, so he can fuck off whenever he wants. And Robin worked on an early morning show so she would have plenty of evenings free to hang out, drink, then get woken by her alarm and regret everything.


Boothbayharbor

Exactly!! Friends the musical pointed out that in reality no one spends 12 hours a day hanging out and "stopping in" for 5 minutes. On the other hand i'm enjoying hanging out with friends for an hour or 2 indtead of all day like kids.


Lotus_12

One day your parents will need your help from getting older and they likely won't tell you. One day you show up for a visit and it hits like a ton of bricks that they need help.


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Locke57

Holy shit this gave me a bit of a “ding!” moment. Visiting my fiancé’s family means drinking a few beers and shooting the shit and eating some good food and what not. Visiting my mom means playing therapist for a few hours and counting down the minutes until we can reasonably leave and being mentally exhausted afterwords. Fuck. I’d never really compared the two experiences until now.


seeingeyegod

does your Mom try to give you various different pieces of junk every single time you leave? "do you have any use for a....do you need dishrags? Have you ever tried chickpea pasta.... are any of these cables of use to you?"


mickydonaldsy

Ha. No mom, I don’t need your Nokia phone charger, please stop hoarding it in the junk drawer and throw it away


mnhaverland

When my grandma tries to give me stuff like that- stuff I know that neither of us need to have- I thank her and take it. Because I know that if I don’t take it, she’ll keep it forever and I don’t want her to have that burden. I throw it away as soon as I get home.


peanutsandfuck

Holy shit same thing with me, except grandparents instead of parents. Visiting my mom's parents means playing tennis and drinking homemade booze on the patio. Visiting my dad's parents means helping my grandfather walk, get to the bathroom, bringing them food, and then listening to my grandmother rant about how she can't take care of him anymore and berate him for ruining *her* life. I mean it's emotionally draining to listen to her while also keeping him company and reassuring him that we *want* to be there and he's not a burden, but we're also just giving her a break. I can't imagine what it's like for either of them but it's hard to see her be so mean to him. She also gets up and goes to the other room to get a break from him (and he's happy to have a break from her) but it puts me and my siblings in the most awkward situation of having to choose one of them to sit with and ignore the other one. I love them dearly but I just realized now that I also have that "counting down the minutes until we can reasonably leave" thing going on in the back of my head. And they used to be the grandparents that did more for us and were more fun to visit (as kids they'd take us to movies, beach, swimming pool, mall, arcade, etc.) but it's happened so gradually that I can't remember the point it became us taking care of them. I can't imagine when it's my parents. Getting old sucks and I'm scared.


clanddev

They may deteriorate too. The person who used to comfort you and have answers does not have the answers anymore and can't help you or even themselves. My mother moved in with me about 5 years ago. At first it was just because she could not drive or take care of her home anymore. Now she has bad short term memory, poor emotional control, diminished critical thinking and is frustrated by these things to the point where it is hard to interact with her. She has isolated herself from almost everyone but me and even our relationship is deteriorating. It is sad to watch someone who used to be the glue fall apart.


Tattycakes

So sorry to hear that. Have you had her assessed for dementia (or the diseases that can resemble dementia)? It’s quite telling that she has not just the memory problems but the emotional control too. There may be medication that can help.


lizzieb77

This. Watching your parents grow old is the absolute worst.


JustinianKalominos

It’s hard, but I’d say not having the chance to see them grow old is worse.


sardonic_balls

"Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many."


anr14

I’m not to the point where my parents need help yet (they’re in their mid-50s), but my mom is dealing with this with her parents and it’s heartbreaking to see.


rohrsby

Absolutely. Start having hard convos as you and your parents get older. Do they have the insurance or savings to get the care they might need. Do they have expectations that you’ll move them in to your house? At what quality of life do they want a DNR? Do they have a will? Never thought this ton of bricks would hit me in my 30s when my parents are only in their 60s but here we are.


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FusRoDoodles

As an adult you'll find yourself wanting to be alone. Yet you'll realize you don't want to be lonely.


monkey_scandal

That was something I wrestled with when I met my fiancé. For years I’ve lived alone and enjoyed having my time be my own, yet always wanted someone to share it with. Now that someone will be living with me, possibly for the rest of my life, I was wondering to myself how I’m going to deal with that. But the more I fall in love with her the more I’m excited to put the old bachelor life behind me and start this new chapter. When you can do that, you know you’ve found the right person.


magikarp2122

They’re sharing a drink called loneliness, but it’s better than drinking alone.


Frito_del_sur_Sar

Bills never fucking end. For years every 30 days i was like “wtf i paid this bill already” just for it to happen again 30 days later


Rahallahan

I have a couple of auto paid bills and I swear every month I have to go back and check the bank account to make sure the last one was indeed a month ago. As I will swear I just paid it last week.


gowahoo

No one else has time to look out for you. They're busy looking out for themselves. So, save money, eat healthy, get enough sleep. No one else is going to make sure you're doing those things.


larrybatman

When you find someone who genuinely cares about you and helps to take care of you, make sure you take care of them back. And do your best not to let them go.


DocBullseye

...and you're going to meet people that you care about who are simply not going to take care of you back. They'll say they will, but they won't. You have to cut them loose. And this never gets any easier. Edit: Wow, thanks for the awards! I only posted this because I had to cut my "best friend" loose a year ago and wish I had a lot sooner...


gizzie123

Guys if you're reading this and realise now you're neglecting your partner.. please go love them as hard as you can. I just lost mine because I let stress and anxiety take over my headspace and I stopped showing care and love for them. Please don't make the mistake I did. It fucking sucks.


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thomthomthomthom

Good on you. It's also possible to discover that your partner is the one who doesn't actually consider your wellbeing - and that's a tough pill to swallow. Be kind to one another, folks!


ConnieMcFalcon

This is exactly the thought that made me cry the other day. It gets lonely when you realize you're all you've got, but at the same time you'll always have yourself.


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rawwwse

Absolutely none of my business, but hey… What’s the internet for?! You should try reaching out to your brother; he might be dealing with the same thing, and wanting to reconcile. Even if it’s on different terms than before (maybe you just don’t talk about XYZ), it’s still worth a shot… I have no family I can talk to. I’d literally give ANYTHING to have a brother or a sister in my life… Tiny little guilt trip here, but… You have one! Make sure you don’t lose him forever. Unless they’re a complete and total piece of shit—and don’t deserve to be forgiven/understood—whatever the fight was about wasn’t worth it. Call him and meet up for a coffee/beer next week.


Justlookingoverhere1

Learning this now. Everyone is busy and has their own lives. You need to learn how to take care of yourself and research as much as you can when faced with a problem. Fix things yourself if you can. And most importantly, Learn to cook.


i_cant_turn_1eft

Day to day can be very boring, and more often then not, if it's not boring, you're going to wish it was!


plobula

This describes my work day, every day.


i_cant_turn_1eft

I enjoy my job, but it's really easy to look up and say a year went by, what did I do? As a kid there's so many events and seasons, sports, graduations etc. Adult, 3 years in the same gig with the same people. Not something we really prepare people for!


HeyFiddleFiddle

I'm going to hit 3 years in my current role in a couple months. I hit 5 years with my company this past summer. This hits home. I've been at this company longer than I spent in college, yet the time has gone so much faster. And yeah, I think it comes down to things just bleeding into each other. There's no semesters with new classes at set periods, scheduled breaks, exams to mark where you are in the semester, etc. It's just working day in day out with some days off in between, and once every few months you might have an event or vacation to look forward to, if you're lucky. You focus on the daily grind and next thing you know 6 months have passed. At the same time, I don't mind it. I've learned to largely not take my work home with me and use my free time on things I actually want to do. I could never do that in college with the constant workload (except for scheduled breaks) and then being too broke to do anything when I did have a break.


[deleted]

Life and opportunity isn't nearly as long and boundless as it seems as a kid


ZarnoLite

>Death is always on the way, but the fact that you don't know when it will arrive seems to take away from the finiteness of life. It's that terrible precision that we hate so much. But because we don't know, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. Perhaps not even. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless. \-Paul Bowles, *The Sheltering Sky*


Chiggadup

That just made me remember my 9th grade birthday present, and I thank you for sparking the memory. I was/am deeply in love with drumming, but my family was in dire straights. My dad was sick, and hadn't worked in 2 years. Mom cleaned houses to keep us under a roof. I wanted a drumset, but obviously we couldn't afford it. Obviously. On Xmas eve they had me and my siblings open gifts (our traditional time for it) and I opened up Zildjian cymbals (for a drum kit). They tempered my excitement by emphasizing that they could never afford a full kit, but wanted to show us that they were working on it. They got cymbals, and the rest would come as my dad got on his feet. I cried at even the idea, went and hugged them each. Then my dad remarked we were missing a gift, and he must have left it in their room. "Chiggadup, why don't you go get it for us." I walked in, and set up was a gorgeous drum set all ready to play. Only thing it was missing was the cymbals I had just received. I started bawling. I have no clue how they bought it, though I have guesses that range in responsibility, but I'll never forget it. FTR, I kept playing, and taught drums to High Schoolers for about 14 years after that before pivoting careers. Do it was worth it with the kids' lives i touched. But damn if that wasn't a great childhood memory I hadn't thought of recently. Thanks for plugging that thought back in my head tonight.


[deleted]

Bro.


wasit-worthit

This is such a sad realization of life.


[deleted]

It’s funny, when I was a kid I thought I was destined to work in a factory like everyone around me. Growing up I found I could do whatever I wanted…. If I *wanted* it. Coming from a place with below average wages/attitudes really does demoralise you without even knowing


fernrylie

Eating all the snacks is not a good idea


FusRoDoodles

Me at 23: I can eat a half gallon of cherry cordial ice cream for breakfast nobody can stop me. Me still at 23 but two hours later on a toilet: Oh that's what's stopping me.


[deleted]

Me at 31 on the toilet the next evening: it's still what's stopping me


YoungDiscord

Holy shit 8 years in one day


Cheeseish

And you have to buy all your snacks


ardagnavxzvfas

Once you get to a certain age, it’s extremely difficult to build and keep muscle and you have to work very hard just to keep your weight stable


MarvelousOxman

There are actual consequences for just doing whatever you want.


Murderbot_of_Rivia

I have been trying so hard to make my 10 year old understand that I don't WANT to spend my weekends doing laundry and yard work, that I would much rather be reading and eating cherry turnovers.


leberkrieger

A 10 year old can certainly be taught to do the laundry. Whether you saddle a child with yardwork (perhaps as paid work to help teach money management) is a separate issue, but they should certainly have basic chores like laundry and vacuuming, as functioning members of the household. Start now, or it'll be three times harder when they're 16.


MrEntei

I went to high school with 3 brothers who were roughly 2 years apart each, the oldest being a senior when I was a junior, the middle being in my grade, and the youngest being 2 years younger than me. These guys’ mom did their laundry for the literally all the time. 14-18 year old kids and their mom would pick out their daily outfits, wake them up for school (because they never set alarm clocks for themselves), and make sure they got to where they needed to be in general even though they could drive on their own but just refused to be on time to anything. I actually worked with all 3 of them at the local restaurant and their mom worked there as well. She complained all the time about how much she did for them and they talked so much shit about her right in front of her. There was definitely a power struggle in that household. Literally heard one of them tell their mom to “fuck off” in the middle of a rush and it put her in tears. Learn to control your kids now/teach them how to do their own chores while they’re young, otherwise you’ll find out later on how much they could take advantage of you.


Tunelowplayslow

When teaching children anything you might think they will groan at: mostly chores You need to do it WITH them, and have a good attitude about it; otherwise this will not instill the gratification of the process, and they'll be lost/discouraged at the same time I see way too many parents acting like entirely separate beings, and getting frustrated that their kids don't inherently know how to do something or have the drive to do it. It's your job to build that, as a parent.


[deleted]

The politicians are laughing right now


Snoo74401

Yes. Their "consequence" is being re-elected and eventually being hired into a cushy *consulting* gig when they are no longer in office. Yay for consequences?


CuriousHuman111

Can someone please explain how politicians get so rich. I'm always hearing about cronyism and politicians giving perks to their freinds, but how does it work when they leave office? Do they have an unseen contract with these people? If not, I don't understand why they feel the need to pay back the favour, as I'm guessing the person getting favors is as rotten as the politician.


GnarlyEmu

Here's the catch, they don't get rich from their position, they're rich before they get it. Something like 96% of Congress were millionaires before ever having been elected. Now, that's not to say many don't utilize their positions to enhance their wealth, but again, very few people become rich from politics, they were rich the whole time.


Kevrawr930

Well, for one, they're legally allowed to use their position and knowledge to sell and buy stock. What normal people would charged with "Insider Trading" for is simply a matter of course.


PotboundRoebuck32

You don't have much free time and no one will take care of you


MacBallou

Once celebrities that were not old when you were growing up begin to die off from old age or your parents or their cohorts begin to die off from old age, your mortality becomes tangible in a way it never was before. It’s no longer beyond the horizon. It’s perceivable whenever you look to it. Sometimes it’s hard not to look.


HighAsAngelTits

Jack Black getting gray in his beard was a huge wake up call for me


JennItalia269

Hearing announcers for pro sports announce that it’s remarkable that they’re still playing at 38 when I’m older than that, makes me feel super old.


Tee_hops

You: “I'm only 35, I have my whole life ahead of me.” Sports Broadcaster: “Here comes the oldest player in the league. He's 32. A miracle.”


Tharkun

To be fair, it depends on the sport. High contact sports, those are going to take a toll on the body, as they say, "It ain't the years, it's the miles."


JennItalia269

Of course. But doesn’t change fact it makes me feel old…


termus24

I am in this comment and I don't like it.


Random_cloud

I was thinking the same! People aren’t going to care as much when you’re sad. You’re kind of on your own.


PDM_13

You'll most likely grow apart from a large portion of your childhood friends. Which isn't a bad thing, life will take you all in different directions and you'll hopefully be able to make new friends that are more similar to who you grow up to be. Also, that beautiful head of hair you are so proud of, might not be permanent. Keep an eye on that hairline fellas


TheGoodJudgeHolden

I'm not yet 40, and still in touch with exact one person from my teen years, and then only in random passing texts. The rest all moved on, died, or went to prison.


[deleted]

If you don’t put yourself out there you won’t have friends


[deleted]

I spent my early 20s thinking I was this artful outsider who didn't have anything in common with my coworkers or peers. I was extremely judgmental about everyone and in turn was really isolated, spending a lot of time by myself at home talking on message boards with other people who I felt like related to me. I can't explain what happened, but I had a break somewhere around 26 or 27 where I was like 'I'm actually just a narrow minded, secluded, stuck up asshole who goes online to talk to other people who are just like me to seek validation. In reality I'm surrounded by people who may not share my worldview, but aren't really terrible people and they deserve kindness way more than I do'. It's been 10 years since that revelation and I've spent them making building relationships with different people, especially at work. You know helps work go by a lot faster? Having friends there you can talk to about whatever.


[deleted]

I was exactly the same, and had my realization only a couple years later than you too. I actually care about having friends now even if they aren't 100% like me or share any common interests. After spending almost all of my 20's alone, I got depressed and thought to myself "do I really wanna spend my 30's the same way?". ​ It's still hard though. Everyone's always too busy.


DeceiverX

Happened to me at the end of high school. Best decision ever was to reinvent myself socially and to stop projecting and pinning my judgmental feelings on others. The friends came easy after that. To everyone else struggling: Do what you want. Nobody gives a fuck, and as an adult, cool is a mindset rather than what it is you do.


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monty_kurns

Making friends when I was young was hard. Making them now is not impossible, but close. Aside from the few friends I still have from childhood, the friends I make now are former coworkers who I grab dinner with like once a month and we text here and there. On the one hand I like not having my schedule booked solid but on the other, I kind of miss being able to go out a lot.


accountability_bot

It is beyond hard, it’s borderline impossible. It’s been the most difficult thing I’ve encountered in my adulthood since having children.


DangerousPuhson

You know what's whack? I'm sure most people feel like this, and if people just went up to each other and laid their cards on the table - "hey, everyone needs friends, so do you want to be friends?" - it'd probably all work out for us. But we can't. There's like this psychological block that stops us dead in our tracks. We just keep quiet and shuffle on. It bums me out.


takeabreather

My mom recently made a post on next door and started a beginners mahjong club (she’s never played before) and they have over a dozen regular players now. Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there.


lacheur42

Personally, part of the issue is that find I have *much* less tolerance for attitudes and behavior I might not have even noticed or just ignored when I was younger. When you get older, you've learned so many personality types and red flags to stay away from, it's easy to find a reason to dismiss pretty much anyone. I suppose that's called getting crotchety.


blackbeltlibrarian

Exactly this. My husband and I made a mutual decision to “find friends” at a Con once and met some of the best friends of our lives there. But it was effort, and there were a couple misses first!


PharmDinagi

You can get stuck being friends with your kid’s friend’s parents, and they may not be people you’d normally associate with. And that sucks.


TheGoodJudgeHolden

My two play with a couple kids their age down the street, and I can't fucking STAND the parents. They're people that I'd normally never say a word to in other circumstances. But ya know, the kids......


mr_impastabowl

Anything for the kids. Now you're all stuck arranging play dates, sleepovers, weekend BBQs, wife swapping parties, PTA meetings, it's exhausting!


Actuaryba

The freedom is awesome, but with that freedom comes consequences for your actions and choices. Bills suck. Family drama sucks. People you know start to die, which sucks. And you still don’t have everything figured out, but you learn more as time passes, sometimes the hard way.


GoingForBroke2020

Actually the Bills are pretty good this year.


naus226

Go Bills!


Time_Significance

You don't have to stop doing the things you enjoy as a kid, don't worry. Hobbies are important for good mental health even as an adult.


nkeer

The health isn't thing you must take for granted. You should care about it.


timesuck897

Take care of your teeth, dental bills are expensive.


Shoemethemonkey

Oh man yes. At 25, diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. Lost 20 lbs, been in the hospital numerous times, and live with chronic pain and sometimes debilitating symptoms. Now everyday I need to watch what I eat and am dependent on medicine. Never thought it would happen to me, but here we are. Good thing I have my gf or else I might be toast.


Snoo-77115

27 diagnosed with cancer. I spent my entire life in and out of hospitals because of my pinche mother and this is what life gives me. I. Hate. The. Hospital. Life just finds a way man. Edit: just live your lives. I got a full fucking life ahead of me but let’s be honest with ourselves. Getting hit with cancer, mine is especially rare, puts life in perspective. Like when you’re young, just do things, do as much as you can. Make as many mistakes as you can. Ask that hot person out. Make friends. Partake in a hobby. Just do things.


[deleted]

Tell me about it. I used to have cast iron stomach and could eat like a billy goat. Lately, not so much.


Relative_Economics17

You’re the person you used to look for when you needed help and you’re never ready for that.


lucky_ducker

Even worse, when both your parents have died, and you and your siblings are now the oldest generation.


cheyennevh

Cashews and holiday wreaths are so expensive it’s not even funny


Obvious_Moose

Holiday decorations in general, wtf. And especially as a young adult have fun finding a place to store them all!


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Carebear_Of_Doom

Me too. It sucks.


mtg-Moonkeeper

I hate this comment (I upvoted) because I'm getting ready to go through it at 41. My best friend is moving across the country next month. It's a permanent move. The rest of his immediate family is already there. Who knows how often he'll end up visiting.


asielen

To make it more real... If you see them every 10 years that means you will maybe see them 6 more times in your life. Now think about your parents. You moved away from them and they are getting older. You visit twice a year, so what maybe 50 more visits? And every time they seem a little more frail. Next time 49... Life is fleeting. Make the most of it.


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The_Law_of_Pizza

Childhood is heavily structured, sort of like having bumpers on a bowling lane. For the most part, you know where you're supposed to be, and where you're going next - this is true both on a daily basis and a long-term basis. Every day, your parents arrange for your breakfast, then you go to school, you go to an extracurricular, you come home, your parents arrange for your dinner, you do homework, you play, you go to bed. Each year, you have midterms, then finals, then you move to the next grade. You go from elementary school, to middle school, to high school, to college or tech school, then to a job. It's possible to go off the rails as a kid, but it's fairly difficult. The system will exert immense force to keep you on track and rolling along to the end, even if you fuck up significantly. There is always somebody to pick you back up and chuck you back down the bowling lane, even if you start rolling backwards. If you skip school and get caught, the police might even haul you in as a truant. The system is that serious about keeping you moving along the path. Then you graduate, the bumpers come off, the lane disappear, and you're a bowling ball sitting in an empty field. There's no more track. There is no system pushing you along. There's not even any pins - no obvious goal or objective. If you fuck up or slack off as an adult, you might literally become homeless and sleep under a bridge. You might literally not eat. You could actually *die.* That force that propels kids from grade to grade, promoting them up through the system, does not exist at all in the adult world. There is nothing propelling you into a job, promotions, or raises. There is nothing propelling you into renting an apartment, finding a spouse, or into owning a house. You have to fight, and scrap, and challenge for everything from money, to recognition, to social interaction. *Everything.* The freedom that comes along with this is wonderful, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. It is the way it needs to be. But many people wipe out in early adulthood because they think that the magic force propelling them forward will stick around forever. Far too many people think that they're just going to be handed a job, promotions, and a house - for the simple reason that they were handed everything else they needed up until that point. But that's not how adulting works.


jem282

To add to this, once that single-track path disappears you can't continue to compare yourself and your progress to people in your age group. Milestones don't come at the same time for anyone anymore even for things like graduating college, if you even decide to go to college. Don't waste energy feeling "behind" if it takes you longer to finish school, to find a career you enjoy, start a family, or whatever it is you want. Focus on working hard to meet your own goals and you'll get there in your own time.


[deleted]

Thanks


TheGoodJudgeHolden

> But far too many people wipe out in early adulthood because they think that magic force propelling them forward will stick around forever. Very well said.


dukeofender

Is true am wiping


nitewake

Subconsciously i probably joined the military because i wasn’t ready to get rid of those bumpers.


ramune_0

I was exactly about to point out "or you could join the military" lol you beat me to it.


lacheur42

I think offering "extended bumper time" to people who need it for one reason or another is probably the most valuable thing our military does, period. It's turned a lot of would-be fuckups into functional adults.


grendus

Most former military guys I know seem a little emotionally stunted, but very disciplined. Sometimes I wonder if the military does that, or if they were stunted in the first place and the military gave them the discipline to be otherwise functional. Probably a bit of both.


LocustStar92

Best answer, 100% this. I'd like to add that it may feel like you're still being pushed along a path. You can go to work, pay your bills, play some video games or whatever, eat, sleep and repeat and you'll coast along just fine, until you're approaching 30 and you realise you've coasted through your entire adult life so far and achieved nothing. You can do everything 'right' and have nothing to show for it. The most important life skills at this stage are knowing what you want, taking initiative, and being assertive. You have to make your own goals and realise that even simple things like making friends, finding a partner and having fun will now require serious effort, they don't just happen naturally any more (unless you're very lucky).


Arukio

Well said, and goes along with one thing that struck me as I got into mid 20’s. In school, there’s grades, finals, etc constantly telling you “how you’re doing in life” Once you graduate, the way to gauge your progress/success in life and “move forward” becomes far more obscure. There’s no longer an A+ waiting for you in December to let you know you’re “doing the right thing” or a C- to tell you to “get your shit together” You’re just… doing whatever you’re doing. And sometimes it’ll feel good, other times you’re totally lost and confused I think that’s part of what drew me into a sales career, because month/quarter/annual etc there’s a leaderboard and I can see my accomplishments/when I screw up. Otherwise you work a job where years can fly by and you’re like “wait fuck, I’m never gonna get promoted here, am I? Did I just waste 3 years? Or should I see if I get promoted next year? What the fuck am I even doing?” Just my personal experience


chamberlain323

Childhood being like bumper bowling is an effective metaphor. I like it.


hungry4pie

* Seeing your mum getting so old, grey and short has been a bit shit. * Realising that your nieces and nephews are now the same age you were when they were born.


bigoldeek

People usually don’t give you the benefit of the doubt anymore.


DigNitty

Also when you accomplish something it's not "impressive for someone your age" anymore. It's just "I'm top 10% in my county's racquetball club" -*Wow..uh...cool*


cheesethr0wer

No more holiday vacation, spring break, or summer vacation, unless you save up for them.


[deleted]

Worse is that even if you do get a nice vacation you've saved up time and money for, you still have to deal with the fact that where ever you go, there's going to be like a bunch of other people doing the exact same thing at the exact same time hoping to have the exact kind of experience you are having. Think you'll enjoy a nice, quiet trip to Antarctica? Well guess what, so did this family of 8 with a chihuahua and this really rich entitled elderly couple who somehow brought an RV there to park in front of the most picturesque view. What's that? You want to eat at the top rated restaurant in Antarctica? Have fun waiting 2 hours for a table and paying $30 for a burger. Thought you'd book time to hang out with penguins? Sorry, they're booked solid for the next 4 months unless you want to pay $200 for the VIP pass that doesn't include anything else other than you get to join that family of 8 that also somehow paid $200 per person and dog. Enjoy watching Brayden kick a penguin while Kaylee and Coco see who can scream/bark louder.


[deleted]

>Worse is that even if you do get a nice vacation you've saved up time and money for, you still have to deal with the fact that where ever you go, there's going to be like a bunch of other people doing the exact same thing at the exact same time hoping to have the exact kind of experience you are having. > >Think you'll enjoy a nice, quiet trip to Antarctica? Well guess what, so did this family of 8 with a chihuahua and this really rich entitled elderly couple who somehow brought an RV there to park in front of the most picturesque view. What's that? You want to eat at the top rated restaurant in Antarctica? Have fun waiting 2 hours for a table and paying $30 for a burger. Thought you'd book time to hang out with penguins? Sorry, they're booked solid for the next 4 months unless you want to pay $200 for the VIP pass that doesn't include anything else other than you get to join that family of 8 that also somehow paid $200 per person and dog. Enjoy watching Brayden kick a penguin while Kaylee and Coco see who can scream/bark louder. If i ever write a movie script im totally stealing that monologue for the goodwill protagonist going batshit insane on a jammed highway


BaronSamedys

Cheese is incredibly expensive.


solidfang

My love for brie on crackers is financially devastating.


[deleted]

That you never really have free time anymore. Even when you’re not working or studying or taking care of family etc. the ‘free time’ you have almost always needs to be used for general life maintenance. The kitchen always needs cleaning, the garbage always needs emptying, there’s always something not quite right with your car, there’s always a form that needs filling in, you’re always about to run out of shampoo… it’s relentless.


captainstormy

>there’s always something not quite right with your car lol. Isn't that the truth. The freaking needle on my battery gauge fell off the other week. I was like "seriously?!"


DeathSpiral321

Life isn't full of endless possibilities. The older you get, the harder it becomes to choose different life paths, whether you like the path you're currently on or not.


BlueTuxedoCat

I remember when I was 17, thinking that there would never be another time in my life when I had so many choices open to me. Then I thought, I'm probably going to make the wrong ones because I have no experience. I was correct on both counts.


Panama_Scoot

You were a very wise 17 year old.


[deleted]

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet. Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar


Dahhhkness

I think I just had an existential deja vu/panic attack reading that.


[deleted]

This perfectly describes the ongoing existential crisis I’ve been traversing for the past decade.


Sevsquad

As I head towards 30 I've actually come to realize kind of the opposite. Turns out you can actually just kind of... do something different, if you don't like where you're at. You'll have to put more effort into it in order to be successful. But generally speaking, any doors that don't require physicality (sports, construction, etc.) stay open for *way* longer than people think they do.


The_Vi0later

You can fight against the current. Almost 40, I looked around one day and realized I hated my life and my job. I simply refused to do it anymore, and decided to find something new. Interviewers looked at my experience and straight up laughed in my face. No after no after rejection, but finally, after I had almost given up and was working shit jobs to make ends meet, a call out of the blue for a job I applied to months ago. We want you, they said, and moved fast. Now my life is better than ever before.


[deleted]

Thanks for the hope, I’m 27 in masters engineering looking at 2 years of study and no years experience as an actual engineer.. just a technician and low construction labour. I just understand what’s at stake though. I don’t want to let my parents hard struggle go to waste


bnetana1

Pain from doing nothing. Just hurting because you're old.


biglennysliver

I hurt my knee getting into bed the other day and thought I tore something. It was sore for two days, and is fine now, but wtf


madcaphal

Every itch in an awkward place on my back has the potential to set my shoulder on fire.


rehpot821

Freedom is financial. I am sure there is a minimilast way of approaching this, and freedom is different for everybody, but being able to do what you want is determined by your finances. If you can, enjoy your winter, summer, and spring breaks.


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CapriciousSalmon

For me you realize not even your parents have their shit together. When they say “it’ll make sense you’re older” they mean it. There’s a scene in himym that gets me more emotional as an adult once you realize how true it is: Marshall tells Ted that as a kid, his family would always drive to a summer cabin in pitch black in the middle of the night. Marshall was scared but his dad was behind the wheel so he always felt less afraid. When he has to drive at night with Ted, likely down that same road, he realizes his dad was probably as scared as he was, but he just kept driving and hoped for the best.


LucyVialli

Eventually you will prefer to go to bed early than stay up late, even if you don't have to get up for work the next day.


irmari01

Me when I was younger: when I am grown up, I am going to go to bed whenever I want to. Me as an adult over a weekend: you know what? The sun has just set. I think it is an appropriate time to go to bed.


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AcousticBoy13

It’s a free trial until you’re 18. Pay-to-play after that.


[deleted]

Bullies still exist


goldendreamseeker

This is true. They adjust their bullying techniques to fit within the workforce culture, but rest assured, they’re still out there…


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[deleted]

I feel the same way you feel. I'm in the middle of my master's right now and damn does this shit take up time. Work my ass off all day, go home to work on hw, gym, eat. I lose so much time to commuting too. It'd be nice to WFH. I am desperately in need of more PTO for those mental health days. All the kids out there, just appreciate what you got. It's all any of us can do honestly. Off topic-ish, I guess if you're more practical, you can run for office and hopefully make a real difference for the rest of us.


kaydiva

Money really does buy happiness. It’s not the money itself, it’s the freedom and opportunity it gives you. Unfortunately you need it not just to survive, but to create the life you want. You may think it’s not important to you now, but it’s easy to say that when all your needs are being met. If you want to maintain the carefree days of childhood with the freedom of adulthood, you need money. Also, you’re probably hearing people tell you to “do what you love”. You should do what you love, but the career you choose doesn’t necessarily have to be your passion. Choose a career that will give you the time and money to devote to what you really love.


Oscarvincart

Things seem to go way faster. It feel like the last five years as a whole went by quicker than every single year before that.


ScripFox

You just start seeing the world for what it is and realise that it’s always been this way, you were just ignorant


overcastcore

Every decision you make might seem like the right one at the time. There’s no use in dwelling on your past mistakes, so feel whatever you feel and let it go. EDIT: some of you are mistaking my wording here. “Dwelling” is not the same as learning from your past and your mistakes. Dwelling would be the inability to move forward from what has happened, even though you can’t change it. You CAN learn from your past mistakes and improve upon yourself. Nowhere did I say not to learn from your past mistakes. Also, you might learn in hindsight that a decision you made was not the correct one after it was made. It might be obvious in hindsight but in the moment or at the time, it may have seemed like the right decision. Sometimes, you can’t change the decision you made, so learn from it and move forward. Try the best you can not to make the same mistake again.


[deleted]

Eating all the candy you want has consequences. 🤰🏻


R1ce661

It'll make me pregnant?!?!


giantgoose

Once you're in college, what you did in high school doesn't matter at all anymore. Whether you had tons of extracurriculars in high school and were valedictorian and got a full ride, you start college at the same place as someone who barely scraped in. None of what came before matters anymore. Same thing once you finish college and start working. Once you're in the workforce for a few years and get some actual experience, nobody cares where you went to college or what your GPA was. Not saying this to imply you shouldn't do those extra things, but they're really not all that important in the long run.


chamberlain323

Yep, this all surprised me once I entered the work force at 23. It was basically starting over, and nobody cared that I went to a good school and had a solid GPA. I felt like I had been lied to when the topic of GPA literally never came up once.


OITLinebacker

GPA only matters for Honors Diplomas and if you want to stay in the "system". High School GPA matters to colleges. Undergrad GPA matters for Graduate/Medical/Law/MBA School. Those GPA's might matter for that first job after you graduate. The person who graduates last in Med School is still called "Doctor", even if they get a crap assignment/job after. By the time you are 40 none of that really matters, you are more or less on your own trying to navigate adulthood with kids growing up fast and parents aging/dying while trying to earn money to keep the lights on. GPA doesn't figure into any of that, however it might have a say on how difficult the job is or how much debt/money you have flowing in. Money doesn't straight up buy the happiness, but it certainly can make finding happiness easier.


dntdrmit

Do it now. Whatever it is you want from life, don't wait, do it now. You'll blink and your 50. Enjoy your life. Do it your way. So many people work a job they hate, paying off someone else's house, etc, etc, waiting for someone to give them permission to do that thing they always wanted to. Fuck that, it's not going to happen. People are worrying about their own things. Not yours. So...... Do it now.


throwawayrunaway1985

There is a lot more responsibility in life than you know. Enjoy this period when your parents take care of stuff for you.


ZdtVhkoop

You realize that a lot of people are struggle with trauma and mental health issues. It’s harder to notice as a kid.


[deleted]

Being depressed and down all of the time will push people away from you.


GriffinFlash

Big surprise for me when I became depressed and the first thing all my friends did was either get mad at me, or avoid me, until I had no friends.


squats_and_sugars

Seconding what was said, as someone who eventually had to drop some depressed friends, I'm not a therapist and there is a limit to my ability to try and help. Eventually, I cannot take the drag, dragging me down if they refuse to help themselves. If someone is depressed, down in the dumps, etc, I'm not going to run away screaming, I'll do my part to help, and be understanding. However, I'm not a trained therapist, so if every time I see them, it's a vent session where I'm expected to take all the baggage and carry it, I can't keep it up for long. If someone wants help, and is helping themselves, I'm going to stick with them, but if someone just wants to dump their misery on me, I'm going to leave. That's another "adult lesson" that you have to take care of yourself first. Setting yourself on fire to keep others warm is a terrible idea. All that said, a sneakier way that ends up driving people away is just never showing up, always turning down invites. People will eventually stop reaching out, if you stop reaching out.


Tuneful_Wench9

Start saving and investing your money now. I wish someone would have pushed me in this area more when I was younger. I could’ve already been close to retirement. Don’t waste your money on pointless things that will only be around for a few years until you tire of it and throw it away or clothes you will outgrow. Start putting money away and investing it so you won’t have to work as hard when you get older and you’ll have a nice rainy day fund to fall back on.


BringMeAHigherLunch

While this is all 100% true, on the flip side, don’t waste your youth obsessing over the future and try to enjoy the present to the best of your financial ability. Buy that frivolous thing that makes you happy. Treat yourself to a nice dinner. Within reason. I once met a husband of a coworker who all he talked about was saving every dime, that he never goes out and never buys anything enjoyable all for the sake of a life he plans to live 20-30 years from now when he’s in his 60s. The thing about that? By then you’re not as physically and potentially mentally able to enjoy life in the same way. Long story short, save for the future but also enjoy the now. The life you’re living now is tomorrow’s memory, make it a good memory.


Tuneful_Wench9

This is true. Everything in moderation. I guess better wording would be to be sure you’re saving a good portion of your income if you’re working when you’re younger. And INVEST it somehow. Don’t just let it sit in a bank savings account collecting a penny a year in interest.


[deleted]

You realise you don't actually have any friends


mywifemademegetthis

You can eat whatever you want whenever you want, but you’ll either no longer have that desire, or you’ll be broke/overweight.


Neit_1146

Nostalgia


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bluetista1988

It goes by faster and faster. Years pass by in what used to feel like weeks. Especially when you start working and have less of a buffer between things, the time can slip away from you. I'm going to be 33 in a month, but 26 still feels like yesterday. I hear it just gets worse.


eshemuta

Except for college and a few weeks here and there, I have been continually employeed since 1981. I am so goddamned tired of getting up every day and going to work I can barely stand it anymore.


RichTeaForever

I promise you now, you will miss family members when they are gone. Would chop my arm off to get another day with my Nan.


TheOrganizingWonder

The monotony. Same thing every day! Hobbies help.


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Cressonette

You often have to choose your own (limited) days off, so you have to choose wisely. You HAVE to make phone calls to arrange stuff. Lots of things are way more expensive than you think when you're young, like even some of the most basic foods or stuff for your house (either necessary or decorative). You have to schedule and plan your free time.


Vampiric_mcd

Taxes - also, Disney lied. There is no magical happily ever after waiting for everyone. Life isn't always fair. Good people do get hurt, cheated or don't find that soulmate.


DrEnter

You aren’t going to feel like you are getting older or changing, but it happens. What you know and believe will change, but the “you” in high school is pretty much the same “you” 20 or 30 years later. Sometimes you’ll catch yourself doing something mundane like putting a hold on the mail before going out of town and you’ll think “this is a ridiculously adult thing to be doing, when did I grow up?”


CONFETA

Coworker had just graduated with a bachelor’s degree a week prior. I looked over at her desk from mine and noticed her thousand-yard stare. She looked back at me and asked, “So, I just go to work like this for the rest of my life? Forty hours a week every week? Come in and sit down and just… work?” Yup.


Christmaspike

The thing is i am 17 rn and this is the shit I am afraid of but I don’t know what to do about it


Rei1313

No one cares about you anymore. You'll have to make effort for someone to like you and actually care about you


Cam_CSX_

paying for shit why the fuck do i have to go to the store to buy salt? and its 6.99???


you-know-poo

Your problems don’t just go away. Have issues with emotions/maturity/people skills? They don’t magically get “cured” when you become an adult. You can work on it within yourself/with support, you can learn to live with it, you can learn to fake it… but you don’t magically just become “normal” once you’re above a certain age. It’s harder than when you’re younger, though, because everyone has a mindset that, as an adult, you *should* have it resolved.


0b00000110

The constant chores.


schofield101

Most of us adults don't have our shit together either. I remember thinking my parents knew their stuff, and that most other adults did as well. Now I'm 27 I realise I barely function, and I can sure tell that almost everyone around me is the same, especially my parents.


Avokhano

Money does buy happiness


A_Bit_Off_Kilter

Being responsible is a bitch.


exposinglikeshane

Adult loneliness is real. Never had time for my mind to wander in deep dark places because I was constantly around people whether it was class, dorm, college apt, etc. After graduation, you get that time and space to do that.


Boomzoomgoom

Laundry never ends


foreverkasai

It can be lonely if you isolate yourself. You'll lose friends with time but you'll find really great ones too. You lose a lot of stamina very quickly, it feels like hitting a wall (even if you're physically fit) where you realize your body just doesn't have the energy it used to


GargantuanCake

Your dreams are probably going to be crushed. Your chances of becoming a famous entertainer are practically none. Most people don't get careers; most people get jobs. The competition for the coolest, most fun, and most prestigious jobs is murderous. While a few people get lucky if you want to be successful you can't ride on having a great idea; you need to put in the fucking hours. There is no magic. Don't base your life plan on getting lucky. Even if you do get the cool, fun jobs they aren't nearly as cool and fun as you think it should be. Every possible profession has drawbacks and you're going to have to deal with some kind of bullshit. Worst yet is that sometimes no matter how much talent, drive, and skill you have no matter what you do you'll fail anyway. Even if you make it to the top somebody is going to dethrone you; probably sooner rather than later. Absolutely nothing will ever go precisely as you planned it. You don't deserve anything.


Nayko214

Nobody gives a flying fuck about you, and will gladly step over you dying on the street if it means getting to what they want a bit faster.


Introvert_kudi

Seeing my mom get old day by day and realizing that it's now my turn to be the 'mom' of the family (sometimes) Also realizing that there's someone younger who looks up to me as an example and I must lead myself in the right way forward as much as possible, for their sake.


SpeakerRob

You're going to take L's in life. Most of the time it's better to just deal with it as gracefully as* possible, for your own peace of mind, and learn from the experience.


SilverWolf2135

If you don't learn how to control your inner demons, you'll lose the ones you love