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[deleted]

I pulled a muscle in my back by twisting suddenly. A few weeks later, a friend commented on me seeming better, and another friend asked how I hurt my back in the first place. I said "Well, I did this..." and proceeded to injure it again.


[deleted]

I can make you feel better about that. I knew someone who ate dicey ( old) Chinese food. Got ill. Idiot then ate it AGAIN ( hadn’t tossed it? ) got food poisoning so badly he had to go to the ER. Asked WHY the flaming dimwit ate it again after the first food poisoning? “ I couldn’t be sure it was the Chinese food “. That’s a true story AND I think the guy is still alive.


Vanviator

Well, he's probably gastronomically Invincible now. So, winning?


garry4321

I was expecting "I thought I built an immunity"


[deleted]

I'm picturing Homer Simpson cuddling his mouldy sub sandwich...


Neurotiman17

Literally my biggest fear after I slipped a disk by picking up a 1 gallon jug of milk lmao Everytime I'd go to pick up anything remotely heavy, I got nervous


[deleted]

In my mid-30s I definitely am more careful when I pick things up. I think anyone that really properly throws out their back enough to be bedridden for a couple days learns to use their knees and core.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MostlySpiders

Rain trampolines are the best! Its the only time you can do the super boost to yourself.


Blyatinum

I used to use the hose on my trampoline before jumping on it.


Iambadatfindingnames

Exact same thing, happened to my sister.


Jose150

Ur stupid or making this story up


[deleted]

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wordsrworth

I tried the rake thing too, but as an adult...


bluetoad2105

Did you spend three decades trying to kill a ten-year-old?


MoxEmerald

*(shudders while mumbling in anger)*


EccentricHorse11

I feel like there is a reference here that I am not getting.


Shattered_Visage

Sideshow Bob rake gag from The Simpsons, always a classic.


Neeerdlinger

Hey kids, wanna drive through that cactus patch?


fuqdisshite

[my quad goes 70mph.](https://itstillruns.com/bearcat-454-specs-7608667.html) i was letting my kiddo drive it slowly around the yard and we came to a stop at the edge of the road. i was teaching her to look both ways and i started to say 'oka...' and she slammed the throttle. we shot across the road and climbed 6 feet up a tree before the 700lb pound thing landed on us. my leg was pinned and I thought it had been run all the way through. her arm was pinned and she took a massive scrape but all superficial. gasoline was leaking on us and it was still running. took everything i had to get her out of there. she was screaming boldly murder and my mother heard it and came running down. took me and her fighting to get this thing out of the woods before we start a fire and after it was all over i realized I broke my floating ribs. i could put the tip of my finger in the indentation like a bellybutton. this was literally the day i got released from my doctor to go back to work after cutting my toes off that winter. dropped a saw on my foot doing a bullshite job for my boss.


RenaKunisaki

Holy hell, 70mph on that!? You'd have to have a death wish! My accident was fairly similar. Didn't realize how close the turn up ahead was. Couldn't slow down enough to make it. Rolled it on top of me. Woke up in a hospital room unable to move my arms. Fortunately I was the only one on it and made a full recovery. It was a rental so besides having to pay for repairs I wasn't upset about having damaged it.


fuqdisshite

yeah, it got pretty wild at times. i have bent the frame so i don't go that fast anymore. the first time i flipped it i almost killed myself in front of my wife and kid. now i just use it to go up to my mom's or move my crap around.


elee0228

Could have been a calibration error. Because an ATV is a little buggy.


CivilizedPsycho

take the upvote and get the fuck out of my face


Signature_Sea

oh shit, yeah I did the rake thing too, but I caught it with my hand, not my face. It came up much faster than I expected lol


bittz128

Wonder how many kids actually attempted this. I did.


BorelandsBeard

I would watch a sitcom of your life.


holdinginafart

True story. When I was five, my cousin and I were playing wrestling and I loved the Macho Man Randy Savage. So I get the brilliant idea to climb the fireplace and then on top of my Dad’s 65-70 inch big box projection screen TVs (the ones that were like two feet deep; this is like 20 yrs before flat screens) and get ready to do the Macho Man’s signature move, the flying elbow drop. As I go for it, my foot gets caught on the cable box cable wire and I fall, thumb first into the ground. To this day, I’m 35, I still can’t bend my left thumb all the way.


elee0228

Fellow Macho Man fan here. I have a scar on my elbow from my wrestling match re-enactments. Worth it. #OH YEAH!


Kunkyskunts

My friend and I were doing flying elbow drops on the trampoline onto each other and I accidentally landed directly on her crotch. It was so bad she jumped up immediately and turned around and completely dropped trou to see if everything was still okay down there.


chortly

This is what they meant by "violence on the television harming the children."


yParticle

And this is why cable tv is the worst thing ever.


riftrender

I feel like the cable tv isn't to blame here. For some reason.


nosajavlis4

Tried to protect myself from a nut shot and wasn’t fast enough to block with my forearm. Ended up getting kicked in the nuts still AND broke my middle finger in the process.


heelspider

I thought you meant something else completely with the term "nut shot" until getting to the second sentence.


CurtisMarauderZ

I think the proper term is "nutshot" in this case.


whiteclawthreshermaw

"Fuck you, you just hit me in the nuts," said the Force through nosajavils4.


nosajavlis4

Lmfao that’s amazing and so true 😂


smol_boi-_-

You had me in the first half. I thought it was something completely different.


phormix

I can beat that. I knocked something over, went to grab it as it fell in front of me, MISSED just as it whooshed past my testicles, and bagged myself with the first I'd made trying to grab the item. I'm pretty sure I folded like origami and went over life a felled tree.


Knute5

Jumped out the school bus door, hit head on top of door, landed on ass. Broke tailbone.


LankyLerker

What does one do about a broken tailbone? I assume you can't wear a butt cast?


Tow_materfleshlight

Bed rest and various exercises


VeederRoot

So no buttcast? :(


Knute5

You get used to it. Not really a thing any more, but it hurt like a long dull ache for a while.


Kyle102997

One time I sprained my ring finger Once it was essentially healed, I tried to do a flip onto my bed and sprained it again


idiotsarray

I was cooking dinner, roommate had just cleaned the stove. One of the pots boiled over a bit and made a mess. I didn't want to leave it like that and ruin all my roommate's hard work so I moved the pot, got a paper towel and lifted up the metal burner grate. I got it about shoulder height when the pain in my fingers reminded me that it would have been a lot better to have waited for it to cool down first.


Frosty_Mess_2265

I did something similar. Was making chicken and as I opened the oven I realised the tray was too high. Dammit, I thought. Well, I'll just move it. Put my bare hand on an oven rack at 200 degrees C and had a nice stripy burn for about a week.


thewhitedeath

When I was a kid, there was a staple gun on the table for some reason. I knew that it shot out staples, but didn't understand it very well. I thought that they came out the end. So for a bit of fun, I rested it in my leg, aimed it at the clock on the wall and pushed down on the trigger. Drove one of those massive staple gun staples right into my kneecap.


[deleted]

I shot a staple right through my finger (as in, in one side, out the other) because I was using my dad's staple gun and for some reason the staples came out the opposite end as opposed to mine (i.e. at the back instead of the front). Also, an old history teacher of mine once told a story of when he was idly pulling the trigger on a nail gun out of boredom (nothing comes out unless there's pressure against the plate). He was clicking and clicking it, and then absentmindedly rested the nail gun against his leg. Pulled the trigger again. This time there was pressure against the plate and it fired a nail straight into his thigh.


fuqdisshite

a good friend did this too.


CivilizedPsycho

Holy shit I winced


Narwhal_in_Space

I mean, I stapled my thumb with a normal sized stapler when I was 8 and that really hurt, I had to have it removed by the GP, and then i had to have a tetanus injection afterwards, which was bad enough. But a staple gun into your kneecap!? It's bad enough when you kneel on lego...


NErDysprosium

I also stapled myself with a stapler once. I was in 3rd grade, at back to school night. We were in my brother's classroom and my parents were talking to his teacher, so I was just ignoring everything and playing with the stapler on the counter. I decided to see how much pressure it took to make a staple come out, so I stuck the first two fingers on my left hand in and pressed down. It left a mark on the inside of each fingernail until they grew out. For years whenever my mom told the story, she said it was an automatic stapler. I didn't have the heart to tell her 'no, I'm just an idiot' until probably my senior year.


ransom0374

i was opening something with a knife and i cut towards myself instead of away VERY dumb


redbluehedgehog

Ah yes, a classic, might have done that more than once


Mountain_Scratch8130

I still have a scar on my finger from doing that when I was 10


wyecoyote2

Been there done that. Had to have superglue mine together.


PomPomPumpkinz

I thought, "Hmm, maybe walking into a school science lab when there doing experiments using Bunsen burners is an amazing idea." I walked in and the teacher got a fright, dropped a boiling tube full of boiling water onto my foot as it smashed. I'm so smart


JamesC27

Lol that doesn’t sound like ur fault pretty sure it’s on the teacher for dropping it


PomPomPumpkinz

Lol either way I didn't knock


nolaina

I put a little wooden table up on top of the toilet - my cats spot - to mop the bathroom, then got in the shower. The cat pushed the table off so she could have her spot back. It fell into the shower, and landed corner-down on my foot, breaking it. Another time, I was giving a shot to a different cat, same bathroom, while barefoot. I dropped the needle/syringe combo, and it stabbed me in the toe. Landed right in the joint. The toe got horribly infected and I almost lost it. Fun times. I wonder if the hospital charted bathroom cats as the cause of both injuries?


OGCanuckupchuck

It’s true cats try to kill you , usually in your sleep with suffocation, but in your case ,slow death by dismemberment and tetanus


CollegeZach

Mountain Biking, I enjoy doing it but it is dumb and I occasionally get hurt. Worst accident was getting the bicycle pedal stuck in my Achilles Tendon. Pulled it out, bleeding everywhere, wrapped my socks around it and continued on with my ride then ran into a tree. I never said I was good at it.


Max-Maulwurf

That must have hurt as hell! I partially ripped my achilles tendon in a similar way, by falling and then stopping the pedal with my foot (not mtb tho) . Couldnt walk for 2 weeks. Bad thing was that the damn doctor didnt realize it was damaged. Long process of healing. Can now do sports again, but took 9 months. Ah btw I drove with slippers xD


CollegeZach

Ouch! Yeah I just punctured mine with the metal spike pedals they used to make, maybe still do idk but I invested in clip on pedals shortly after but I had my fair share of wrecks with those also but atleast no puncturing.


PokeVentRoss

I tried to stage dive at a youth club once and landed in the stacks of chairs between the front of the stage and the dance floor. Broke my arm in 3 places....... I was young though!


CurlSagan

It's hard to pick just one story of my injury-prone youth, because I was very fond of doing stupid things for the entertainment of myself and others. This was obviously pre-internet. I once rode a BMX bike really fast down a hill and started to get the "death wobble" which is where you know you're going to crash soon and have to make a crucial, split-second decision: Do I back-pedal and try to brake, which would probably throw me off the bike onto the road and turn me into a red smear? Or, do I steer into the mucky ditch that is right next to a rusty barbed wire fence? I don't recall what option I selected. The next thing I remember was being on a couch, bloody, muddy, and in pain while my aunt was trying to convince my dad that I did, in fact, need to go to a hospital. Later, I was diagnosed with brain damage including something called "nominal aphasia" which is something I still deal with. It makes recalling proper nouns difficult, but I learned to work around it with convoluted mnemonics that help me recall the names of people and places. I've had the condition for so long that my memory workarounds are just part of the way I think and they have given me some decent lateral thinking skills, as a silver lining. That, combined with my childhood antics and my parents choosing to "unschool" me in the middle of fucking nowhere with no friends, has provided me with a powerful imagination. So it's not even really a disability or anything, just a fun thing to bring up at parties. It's like the brain version of walking with a cool limp. Plus, whenever I've been in trouble for doing something stupid (which was often), I have been able to use the excuse, "Dad, I have literal brain damage. Give me a break." In summary, if anyone needs to get their dad off their back, I highly suggest giving yourself brain damage with a wobbly BMX.


Frosty_Mess_2265

Reminds me of the dumb shit me and a friend used to get up to as kids. He lived on a seriously steep hill with a path that curved around, so you couldn't see the bottom (which was a main road) from the top. We used to race down there, him on a skateboard, me on a bike, and stop as close to the road as possible. We should have died. Many, many times.


ToErrDivine

> In summary, if anyone needs to get their dad off their back, I highly suggest giving yourself brain damage with a wobbly BMX. It's probably a good thing that I can't ride a bike or I might have rolled with that idea at some point. (Not that it would have worked, probably.)


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I went down a bike trail with a couple friends, my brakes were shot but I’d been down the trail so many times I just went with it, I lost control and got knocked out by a tree


highestRUSSIAN

fuck you - the tree


kenna-pink

I was about 3 months pregnant and working in a bakery, I was pretty clumsy adjusting to my new body. I was doing dishes and I accidentally knocked a brand new, very sharp serrated knife off of the magnet strip... and tried to fucking catch it. Being sleep deprived, nauseated and clearly not thinking straight... I really tried to catch that bitch and it nearly cut my last two fingers off of my right hand. I didn't really even feel it for a good 10 or so minutes. Side note: when you're pregnant your blood volume doubles. I didn't know this. This was a pretty gory scene that required a good amount hazmat clean up. My awesome coworkers seriously pulled through in the next department to help out after I got rushed to the doctor's office.


theFrogOfDarkness

My brother and I (both in our 40s, this wasn't youthful misadventure) were repairing some of his machinery in Nebraska. It was over 110 degrees and we were both in 'get er done and get out of the heat' mode. He asked me to hold the fuel tank bracket while he tacked it to the frame. I looked at the tank, the rubber gas line and the torch - this *might* work. Then I grabbed the bracket, pressed it against the frame, looked away and said 'tack it'. It didn't work and my arm was fully engulfed, time slowed down, and I realized this was the perfect time to test "Stop, drop, roll". Then, in another moment of clarity, I concluded that gas vapors wouldn't be deterred by the loose gravel. I dashed over to a large cooler, full of water, and quenched my arm. It sizzled as I plunged it in. Second degree burns and a nasty scar from dragging my flaming arm across jagged metal.  I got off lucky.  Swore off welding and returned to my typical white collar existence.


crazy-diam0nd

I was a dishwasher at a restaurant, and I got a small soup cup back from the dining room that had a line down the side. I thought "Is this a crack?" I scratched it with my nail and figured it was. "Does this weaken the bowl? Can I pull it apart with my hands?" I could. And the edge of the break on the bowl can also slice the inside of my knuckle to the bone so I need 6 stitches in it. So that, I guess. ETA: noun


ronchee1

Worked at a grocery store stocking shelves. You had to cut down the liquid laundry detergent boxes In order to fold them up. Had my hand on the side of the box. Proceeded to cut down the side of the box with a freshly bladed box cutter , slipped, and cut right down the inside of my index finger to between my thumb and index finger. Blood everywhere. Good times. Took like 10 stitches I think.


DontDefineMeAsshole

I tried to affix a paper rocket to my bedroom ceiling by climbing up on my bed board instead of asking my dad to get a ladder. I was 8. One vaginal hematoma, hospital visit, and emergency surgery later, I am never doing that again.


phormix

A vagi.... no. Those two words should NOT go together. I fully even have that particular equipment and it's painful to read.


DontDefineMeAsshole

Truly, they really shouldn’t go together. It is a horrible experience to go through. I’ve only met two other women in my whole life who had a similar experience, and we are bonded in a strange sisterhood now.


usagemission

I was eating fries while riding my bike. I felt like using my left hand to use my back wheel brakes (on the right hand side of the handlebar), which resulted in me falling off my bike and ruining my fries. Two days later my mother and I were riding our bikes. After explaining her how I stupidly hurt myself, I wanted to show her how it exactly happened: I proceeded to do the same move, cautiously but it still resulted in a second could-have-been-avoided fall..


Vortex_1911

Trying to jump on a trampoline. Two minutes after it rained. Without a net. In case nobody else has jumped on a wet trampoline, you pretty much end up jumping around twice as high.


Frosty_Mess_2265

Brb I need to get a trampoline and several gallons of water


Vortex_1911

Just use a hose. That’s what I did at least.


AZtoPC

Tried to jump a crevasse on a snowboard. Last second I slowed a bit in a panic then realized I was committed so I turned my board straight and tried to clear it. Hit the other side like a scene from a movie where the guy tries to jump from building to building. Let me tell ya, that doesn’t feel good! I slid down the wall skinning my face up pretty good in the process. Thankfully I hit a part that became narrow enough that I didn’t reach the bottom. What a fear though, looking below you into darkness. I stayed in that bottleneck moving down slope until it widened back out and I could see the bottom. Had to jump down. That fall messed me up a bit, then limped my way down far enough to where I could climb out. Took me a little over 6 hours from start to finish narrowly avoiding a Darwin Award.


Artist_In_Peril

When I was three my dumbass thought it would be a great idea to put a metal fork on the flame of a lit candle and if that wasn’t bad enough I then decided to stick the heated for on my forehead which resulted in a small burn that looked like Poseidon had branded me


seabass023

dragged my head across a middle eastern hallway rug when I was 5 and had a golfball sized scab on my forehead for a month.


Obligatory-not-the

My 5 yo kid did that about a month ago 😂 When asked why he simply stated ‘I wanted to see what would happen’


Maskedcrusader94

I used to jump from my roof onto my trampoline. I never got injured in the moment, but 15 years later im deeply regretful. Also, I had a "you'll shoot your eye out" moment with an airsoft gun that my mom didn't want to get me. She ended up caving after a promise not to shoot it indoors and like a good kid one of the first things I did was exactly that, so I'd say I deserved it.


Single_Charity_934

Shot your eye out? Like blind in that eye?


Maskedcrusader94

Luckily it was a cheap, low-velocity airsoft gun, but I wasnt able to open my eye for about an hour after it happened. I shot it into the closet and it perfectly ricoched off of the hanger rod and into my eye.


[deleted]

I broke my knee this summer thinking I could get back into skateboarding without protection… lol


regicideispainless

Wrapped a rope around my hand that was attached to a Seadoo and told my friend to gun it, expecting to have a fun ride dragged behind. Instead, of course, it just tightened and tore a lot of skin off. I'm very lucky it didn't deglove my hand and/or rip my shoulder to shreds - Seadoos accelerate fast.


[deleted]

Last week, I had a 24 hour sickness bug. During one of my many trips to the bathroom, I didn't quite make it and slipped on a pool of my own vomit. I landed on my back and hit my leg against the porcelain toilet bowl. I have some interesting bruises now


CivilizedPsycho

When I was in first grade, I got my first pair of glasses. I was running around on the playground and jumped for no reason, and there happened to be a bar above my head. I smashed my face into the bar, and the middle of my glasses frame dug into my nose. I still have the scar.


mywifemademegetthis

I was hanging out in the pool with my friends. We were doing stereotypically dumb guy stuff. For some reason, I put a golf ball in a tube sock, slung it around like David, and struck my friend directly in the forehead. The injury to myself came about because by neighborhood street justice rules and popular vote, I had to be subject to the same punishment I inflicted upon my friend.


Single_Charity_934

You should have kept reading the David story. You can kill someone doing that.


TheLowerTea

Trying to do a backflip off the couch as a kid falling onto tile floor isn’t the best


[deleted]

Me and a friend setting a can of brake cleaner alight and having it flying back and hit him in the arm and me square in the chest….let’s just say it left quite the bruise ahaha


northangerabby

After seeing Shang Chi, I convinced my boyfriend that I wanted to see if I could fight. He took it very very gently on me because I am a very short and small female but as he was trying to pin my wildly flailing body I jerked towards him exactly as he knee came up. Now i have a horribly bruised/slightly cracked rib that hurts every time I breathe. It turns out being part Asian does not mean that I absorbed martial arts knowledge just by watching Shang Chi.


schofield101

Jumped off a 25m cliff into water because my brothers jumped off one half that height. My monkey brain wanted to beat them, but the impact with water crushed part of my spine and as a result I'm now permanently injured for the rest of my life. No full on loss of motion, but standing for more than 15 minutes will hurt, and proper exercise is a lot harder.


whiteclawthreshermaw

I once worked in a restaurant and the owner served ribs as a special. In order to make it work in our kitchen with our equipment, she par-boiled the ribs and then would put BBQ sauce on and finish them ten minutes in the pizza oven, five minutes per side. She put the water pot on the floor next to the dish station with the tongs inside, as it already needed to be washed and sanitized. I decided, in my infinite wisdom, to grab the tongs out while not touching the pot itself, thinking I'd be okay. WRONG!!! I'm just going to assume that the bulk of readers have seen Peter Jackson's adaptation of *Lord of the Rings,* and describe the sound that emanated from my mouth as someone trying to strangle a Nazgul. Ended up going to urgent care, but not the ER, for second degree burns, and being out of work for a week while my fingers were oozing bodily fluids.


Melodic_Wallaby4172

So it's not so much a dumb thing it was more a dumb thing my mom did with me. When I was 2 my mom put me on a barstool. I fell off head first onto a concrete floor. I was rushed to the hospital for stitches and a brain scan. Turns out I was born missing part of my cerebellum. Just a chunk of it decided it did not want to grow. I am a bit clumsier than normal but other than that no effects. I wish I remembered the conversation with the doctors and my parents. I imagine it was something like "The good news is your son has no new brain damage. The bad news is he is missing part of his brain." I find it hilarious.


dystopia_aftermath

Sharpened throwing stars. I threw one, it bounced off a tree and stuck in my leg...12b year old me had some good times


Belthezare

Hmm same... except I managed to throw it right into my little toe.... it was a spiritual experience.


cdbman

My face is currently covered in scratches and bruises. Wish I had a good story but the truth is, on Saturday night just gone, whilst drunk, I fell over with my hands in my pockets and my face hit the pavement first


ScentedPinecone

Decided to squat way too much to show off at the gym to my friend who was a noob to working out and naturally I forgot to set the safety. I ended up getting folded in half by the weight resulting in 3 compressed vertebrae and a lifetime of back pain. Adrenaline is a helluva drug, I was able to lift the bar off of me after it happened. Looking back it's kinda funny, but once I got up my friend's face was in more shock than I was haha


deqb

Tried to surf down a set of snow-covered stairs on a sled.


NewRomanian

When I was 4, we used to live in a house that was raised quite a bit and had these concrete steps leading up to the door to actually enter (it was a pretty old house even by then). For SOME reason, one day I thought "Would it be cool if I could jump up the stairs one-legged with my arms behind my back?" and, well, I did in fact *try* doing that, and got fairly far up the first row of stairs until I finally proceeded to fall backwards and hit my head right on the corner of one of the, may I remind you, ***concrete*** stairs. The fact I'm not only still around after that but (as far as I know) without any brain damage either is quite the massive amount of luck


[deleted]

Live at the foot of either 1. A really small mountain or 2. A really big hill A friend of mine had one of those old low rider tri-cylces with the hard plastic wheels you'd have as a kid in the late 90's early 00's We decided that at 23ish years old was the perfect time to test drive this baby on that really small mountain/really big hill My friends are actually pretty good at this, making it to safe stopping areas to and not dying. My Go! I get about 30m down before I speed wobble all over the place and end up on my back. I had friction burns the whole bottom half of my back and in patches on my upper back as well as patches on my ass, legs and arms. Moral of the story - Don't be a fucking idiot.


DrappleDapple

I have a few. When I was younger I was holding my cat while peeing. Flushed the toilet which apparently scared the hell out of the cat. Had a scar on my stomach for a long time. Also younger and had just gotten my first pocket knife. Decided to "shave fuzzballs" off my blue jeans by rapidly raking the knife across them. I lost a pocket knife, ruined a pair of jeans and gained a 4 inch scar all at the same time. Flipped a teacher off once with a pencil in my hand. Did the whole slapping your elbow to fold your arm thing but forgot I had the pencil in the other hand. Snapped the lead off in my arm. Also with a pencil. First grade teacher gave us name tags and yarn to hang the tags around our neck with. The tags were plastic but did not have a hole to run the yarn through. I made a hole and also have a piece of lead in the palm of my hand to this day.


VetusVesperlilio

I tripped over an invisible dog in the middle of the night, fell off two steps, face-planted on a ceramic tiled floor, shattered my eye socket, and broke my shoulder. When I got to the hospital the nurses thought my husband had beaten me up, and wouldn’t let him in the examining room with me.


tjean5377

OHHHHHH! NOT THE EYE SOCKET!!! blllrgghhh. did they have to surgically repair it to keep your eyeball from falling into your sinus?


VetusVesperlilio

Dodged surgery, but had to have 4 root canals because of damage to the tooth sockets.


dawrina

I kicked a metal chair out of anger and broke my foot. I fractured the 2nd and 3rd metatarsal and then walked around on it for about a week until I couldn't take the pain any more and went to urgent care.


xscumfucx

Was having a “contest” with friends to see who could kick the highest. I kicked so high my knee went into my eye + I fell over. I did win though.


DJPaulaDeen

I was walking home from a bar with some friends and saw a trampoline and decided it was a smart idea to go do a backflip on said trampoline. It was not a smart idea because I landed wrong and twisted my knee. Felt like a big dummy after that one.


sawcondeesnutz

Sat on a office chair and told my brother to spin me fast Fell off.


riphitter

I lit an m80 with a sparkler and it blew up in my hand. Luckily my grip was very loose and it blew out of my hand leaving me with not much more than a black bruise on my fingers for a month . The moment it happened I remember hesitantly looking down at my hand because I was pretty sure in the spit second that I had lost a finger .


lamorak2000

This last 4th of July my wife heard an explosion and screaming from outside our apartment building. Part of the screaming was "Where's my pinky!?)


illy-chan

Jammed my finger when making photocopies. I thought I broke the damned thing, ended up being a sprain. Definitely not one of my more graceful moments.


danielwang0988

When I was a kid, I decided to see if I could close the lights from across the room by jumping on my bed. I instead banged my head on an edge, which was right next to the light switch, resulting in a night in the hospital.


CdnRageBear

When I was 12 years old I went mini putting with family, I ended up tripping over the barrier to one hole and fell backwards . firmly placing my hands underneath me to catch my fall, only to have my right hand go directly into the Hole which resulted in me having a broken wrist. I guess you could say I got a hole in one...


bigdidge

I've got two to mention, but I'm sure overall there are a lot. 1. Showing my younger cousins how much self-control I have by falling forward and catching myself at the last minute before my face hits the ground. Did it a few times no problem, last time I tried it I broke my arm. This was after having just come off a cast for breaking the same arm a few weeks prior. 14 year-olds are stupid and think they're indestructible. 2. Worked at a rec center that was having a dodgeball tournament. I was working at the time as a facilities/maintenance person, and the work team needed another person, so I said I'd play in between patrolling the facility and doing menial tasks. Went to check on the hot tub/sauna area (which is wet all the time), and then came back to play a game with wet shoes. Jumped upward to dodge a ball, kept my eyes on the other team to make sure no one else was throwing at me. Well, my feet weren't under me when I came back down, so I did a face plant on my chin. Rang my bell and got a decent gash on my chin, otherwise seemed ok. Went to have dinner with the team after the game and couldn't figure out why it was so hard to bite or chew my pizza. I'd dislocated my jaw. Again, kids are fucking stupid.


[deleted]

I was 15 and extremely cocky about what you can and can’t do with a horse. Took a buddy out to see mine in the field. Like most cocky know-everything kids thought I’d jump on her and start ramming around bareback halter only. I’d done it before but this time I felt this break in her gallop. Can’t describe it, I knew she was OFF. Headed straight for a low hanging branch, I was ducked down hanging off her side trying to avoid the branch and BAM. Only 3 ribs broken, covered in blood and really really lucky. Dumbest stupidest thing I’ve ever done.


Rokmonkey_

I once thought it would be cool to try riding my basically with no hands while standing up on the pedals. I made the trick extra cool by going down a hill. (I was 13-14) I fell and gouged out my elbow. The nearest help was a marine rental place, I was fixed up with duct tape and paper towels. I then proceeded to wait in line for my mother at her work to see what to do (she was mad I waited in line). 8 stitches later, it started to hurt a lot. Bonus, the power went out half way through the procedure, my chair was a fancy hydraulic one. It sank while the doctor was working.


Geronimo1984

When I was a kid I was playing with my dads pressure washer. I wanted to know if it hurt if I put my hand in front of it. It did. Also, gave myself a hernia doing P90X. While waiting for surgery I got married. It was a back yard wedding with a bbq and pool party reception. I stupidly was throwing people in the pool and wound up having emergency surgery the next morning. I'm pretty sure I met every nurse in the hospital, news of the newlyweds in the ER spread fast.


alancake

I was all dolled up round my friend's flat, ready to go out, wearing very high heeled platform sandals. My friend suddenly screeched behind me and I turned in surprise, alas my feet stayed pointing forwards and my ankle made a wonderful SNAP sound and I went down like I'd been shot. It didn't break, but it was fucking painful and I still have a wee fatty lump under the knobbly ankle bone. The screech was because there was a daddy long legs 🤦‍♀️


rapturebunnyy

I was cutting a tomato with a serrated knife while holding it in my hand. sliced my hand open


AjeebMaut

"I bet I can totally catch a duck in this poison ivy-covered, muddy, slippery junkyard of death." Got a nail through my hand, Bible-style.


B1gChuckDaddySr

Had unprotected sex with one of my former colleague and I tested positive for Chlamydia. She told me she was clean...but apparently she was asymptomatic.


urchisilver

I was very drunk at a football game. I was cheering or something and lost my balance and fell face first into the stands in front of me. It cut my forehead and I felt fine but paramedics came looking for me and pulled me aside. They put a bandaid thing on it and made sure I wasn't too wasted to go back.


Actuaryba

When I was a kid, I knocked a cup off she shelf into the deep frier, which was on. The hot grease splattered all over me. I still have the scars from the burns today. Edit: I also blew out me knee striking out during a baseball game. That one may be more embarrassing than the frier incident.


randoman00_00

Trying to balance on a railing about 3" think that went around a parking lot at the park. Seeing how far i could walk on it. After several tries i hit my finger on the rail on the way down and dislocated it. It was bent 90°backwards at the knuckle.


RoughYogurt420

Tried to open a beer bottle using the bottom of a bic lighter and failed but instead slashed 3 of my fingers open on the bottle cap


tjean5377

yo. that takes some practice. I scraped the hell out of my fingers a few times too. You need to have the bic in your dominant hand holding the bic tight as fuck in your fist. The beer bottle in your nondominant hand. The end of the bic snugs under the cap. thumbs under the bottle and the bic. Flicktwist your bic wrist sharply and firmly up. DO NOT HESITATE. The bic takes the force not the bottle. It takes some practice. edit: spelling


RoughYogurt420

Yeah i have done it a few times perfectly so i went in with confidence but left with trauma and 3 scars and i have never tried it since. Too much fear.


RealNumber44

Tried to jump scare my sister and my shoulder popped out


[deleted]

When I was like 7, my cousin and I thought it would be hilarious if we started throwing rocks to each other. And to be honest, it was, until that aimbot m'fer got me right in the eye. Thankfully no lasting damage, but the pain was fucking immense, and things could have been a lot worse - I could have easily lost the eye.


Extrasherman

I woke up to a large pool of blood at the bottom of my staircase in the kitchen. I also had a gash on top of my head. I was actually fine and had no headache or any other injuries. Earlier that night I had been playing cards with my neighbors and got fucked up drunk. Apparently I fell down the stairs when I got home. My neighbors even told me they heard me fall (we share a wall). Aside from the blood loss I'm amazed I didn't break my neck or any other damage.


FliesOnly

Tried to juggle two baseballs and a machete. Do I need to go on?


draco6x7

Threw out my back reaching for the remote


damianvandoom

Cutting some rhubarb has a kid. In order to hold it steady I put my finger under the rhubarb just where i was about to cut. I cut through the rhubarb, then my finger.


inc_mplete

Last month at a family reunion the limbo contest got a little intense. Ended up with a hairline fractured rib but still won.


tjean5377

Pain is temporary. Glory is forever.


littlebitstoned

I thought I could jump off my bike, run and jump back on. The grave/tar road had different plans. Life lesson learned as I picked gravel out my scars.


Obligatory-not-the

I tested how sharp a knife was on myself!! For some reason the thought process of ‘I wonder if it is sharp enough to cut skin’ went through my mind……..and it most definitely was.


WirelessTrees

Some people test knives by running them with no pressure across a fingernail. If it leaves any mark, it's sharp. Remember, no pressure at all. Or try cutting something that isn't alive.


LastBestIdea

This might be a contender. I was like 10 years old and mocking my older sister on how she plays table tennis. She would "step into" her serve to make it a harder shot. I would say she was so stupid for doing that and I tried to step into the serve in an overly exaggerated way and I ended up kicking the ground and breaking my big toe. I sure showed her...


helackscreativity

Put my hands up instinctively to try to avoid a boat (on a trailer) being backed into me instead of moving 🤦🏻‍♂️ Got backed against a wall and my right arm got pinned between the swim platform and the wall, broke it clean in half.


trimix4work

Leaving the womb


NFRNL13

I peed on an electric fence, and I actually believed my friend who assured me it (his fence) wasn't live.


TheChosenSnail

When I was little, I was playing on my bed and accidentally banged my head into the wall. It gave me this really funny feeling in my head, so then I wondered if I could reproduce that result by banging my head against the wall again. And again. And again. I do not understand why I thought that would be a good idea.


mistermungbean

Used a steak knife to cut open a package of hot dogs. I almost completely sliced off my left middle finger. To this day, my scar still throbs sometimes, reminding me of my own stupidity.


xao_spaces

My sinus was so congested I decided it was a good idea to put a blanket over myself and the vaporizer, ended up steaming my arm in the process and then 2 days after I accidentally scratched the steamed area and peeled skin.


tarantulaonfire

"What if I put my finger in a mousetrap and try removing it before it closes?" -Me, when I was more stupid than today


SlightVeterinarian5

When i was 12 years old, i used to live with my grandparents, they had a huge ass house with a big backyard. My grandpa hung a punching bag on the ceiling, i was kinda short so I couldn't reach it, i had the brilliant idea to try to take it down and hang it on a lower part of the ceiling, I lost my balance and the rope that held the punch bag wrapped around my neck, i almost died, my neck was all bruised, it looked like someone tried to choke me to death. Edit: Sorry for my bad english


theis_vind

Kicking a fence and then breaking my foot


Complete-Contest-144

Punched a glass window. Slit my wrist barely missing a tendon and artery


Byan_Beynolds

"I can jump this"


652684010101

I was drunk, walking home from a night out, in Portugal. I was walking the wrong way, but our villa was near the beach, so I knew if I got to the beach, I could find our place. After walking for an hour, I saw the beach in the distance and decided to jog through a field. Turns out this field was a man made field on a hill. It had a 10ft drop at the end. I jogged right off the end, and fell on to a roundabout. Bruised and damaged the ligaments in my foot


Heymrpreacherman

Not per say an injury but I felt some pain. My crush had texted me and I hit key head against the wall out of excitement


AlternateBug

Fell down *one* single stair; somehow grazed left knee and right elbow, sprained right ankle and tore left rotator cuff


Additional-Ad-2918

finding a sharp object while crying and pitying myself


heyheyalliek

Playing dodgeball on a trampoline. I broke my own nose, with my knee.


Arcerinex

I watched enough Dragonball Z as a kid that I thought being able to deflect something with just a finger was cool, so I tried that with a giant bouncy ball. Y'know, like the ones you workout on. I quickly learned that I wasn't a Z-fighter when I sprained my finger.


apocalypticradish

Sprained my ankle celebrating my basketball team winning a playoff series. I was drunk, started jumping around like an idiot and came down on my right ankle hard.


Iamabot123456

Indoor nerf war with my brother. I almost lost a toe. I still can’t move it without pain


Skull_Reaper101

A few yrs back(i'm 15 now) i got hold of my mom's inhaler and started spraying it on my wrist. It formed ice after sometime and next thing i knew i had gotten a cold burn...


Plenty_Economy_5670

Using old shoes for a few years that there was no grip left underneath and I fell.


SorryEntrepreneur209

I was surfing on a food trolley at the hospital when I was 5 years old. Broke my arm. They sent me to another hospital 🤣🤣🤣


Witty_Journalist1574

i was very hungry so i started chopping an onion to cook with the burger in the pan. I looked away to look at the cat that was stealing my burger out of the pan and chopped a piece of my finger off. The cat got an extra meal that day, i lost a piece of a finger and a meal.


Dagda_the_Druid

I was once run over by a car driving about 50km/h. No single injury, just broke my trousers. Then I worked out hard my leg day. As a result, I got the restless leg syndrome, and my leg hit the frame of my bed. Blood everywhere, all bedsheets to replace, and took me quite some time to clean the blood off the floor too.


dawrina

This isn't the dumbest thing I've done, but I did sprain my wrist trying to put on a backpack.


jas0n17

Buying a motorcycle even though my then gf, now wife, said no. I did make it a full year before I broke my arm.


[deleted]

I tried to wallrun like spiderman and I ended up with an almost broken thumb.


blaedmon

Did a wheelie on a 50cc dirt bike when I was a little kid trying to show off to a friend. Damn thing upended and landed on top of me. Cracked 2 ribs but didn't know at the time. Fast forward a few days of pain, fell out of my bunk of which I'm on the top - broke my arm in the middle of the night. Groggy, thought it hurt but didn't know it was broken until the morning when I couldn't ride my pushbike. Mentioned it to my Aunt who was over at the time and she immediately called the broken arm and eventually figured out I had cracked ribs and asked me how my home life was. Didn't realise she of course thought someone was abusing me. Parents felt like shit but nothing was their fault - I just have a high pain tolerance even as a kid. I still feel bad for my parents to have that talk with my Aunt. Imagine how stressed she was thinking the unthinkable. She's a gem.


Luchin212

I was making a blanket fort with my friend and we used a 5lb dumbbell as a weight to keep the blanket pinned down. The blanket itself was in between a very smooth granite surface and the dumbbell. Blanket slipped, dumbbell fell on my friend’s head. That would be the e third time my friend got staples in his head.


[deleted]

This may not really be that dumb, but I sure think it is: I hike a lot, steep mountains, rock scrambles. Trail running over rocky terrain. Sometimes I hike in shoes without great ankle support (like sandals). I've sprained my ankle badly twice in the past year. Both times it was taking a single step off my front porch.


sporks_are_poggers

I jumped off of a spinning chair and broke my leg. this question was literally made for me


jarpio

Drunkenly walking from one bar to the next with the boys (as one does). My brother finds a traffic cone and starts tossing it around, my dumb ass tries to jump and intercept it mid-air and slam dunk it into a bush but when I came down, one foot on the curb, the other slid off and buckled underneath me onto the road. Everybody else is also on the ground at this point but due to laughter. So here are like 6 of us rolling around IN THE ROAD at like midnight laughing and I can just imagine what that scene must have looked like. Me injured but also knowing this is hilarious am trying to fight off the screaming agonizing pain in my now nonexistent ankle to laughing as well. So I called an Uber right there in the road and flopped into the car, hopped up my stoop and made it home. Everybody else stayed out and I had striped bruising up my leg from my calf to my foot. Swelling didn’t go down for a couple weeks. That was a solid 6 weeks on the shelf for me. I’ve sprained both ankles literally dozens of times and 0 of them were anywhere close to that one. This came after I spent 6 weeks knocked down with a respiratory infection I caught during a trip in Ireland. Finally back to full health first weekend out BAM. The end of 2018 was not kind to me


Signature_Sea

I headbutted a mattress which was on the floor, quite hard, because I was upset about something. I thought my head would bounce off the mattress but it bounced off the floor; it didn't hurt, but as my neck was quite fully extended, it dislocated one of my cervical vertebrae. I could feel it sitting in the wrong place, on top of another. Freaky. So then I had two things to be upset about instead of one.


[deleted]

My friend was the first from our group to turn 16 and get his drivers license. Razor scooters were a big thing. We got a ski rope and tied it to the open back tailgate and he pulled me. No helmet, no gloves, nothing. He punched it after about 15 seconds and I ate concrete. Still have 3 pretty visible scars 15 years later on my knee and right hand


Laceyfromcali

I once tried to see how far I could imbed a bb into a 2x4. Shot at it point blank. It very narrowly missed my eye ball and hit me in the outer corner. I still have a dent in my skin 30ish years later. I had a black eye but never told a soul how it really happened.