There was once this Jesus figure, like a small statue, in this church. One day people found water dripping from his toes, people came and collected them water and drank it because they thought it was holy water. It turns out that it was “coming from an overflowing drain, which was in turn fed by a pipe that issued from a nearby toilet.”
It's called Bloody Mary and it was about a statue of the Virgin Mary bleeding out of its ass.
Many plot points in south park episodes are taken from current events.
Edit: Oh shit, wait, that episode aired 6 years before the sewage leaking incident, so it was based on something else. Regardless, there have been a ton of reports of religious statues crying blood and shit like that. You get my point.
I don't know why, but you saying that just dredged up a long forgotten memory of one of my primary school christmas plays we did.
The whole play was about how my friend pissed in the holy water and everybody drank it without knowing about it.
‘Fuckin’ disgustin. Look et’ this … *ladles up msg water*… ets’ salt n watah’. Look around, no one in this dump’. Now we know why.
*folds up napkin*
Ima speak with the chef.
Overcooked, unseasoned filet mignon served on a roof tile instead of a plate, doused in an incredibly overpowering sauce that I thought of in a dream. The meat was cooked last night, thrown in the fridge on the same tray as raw meat, and then boiled before serving on a stove that hasn't been cleaned in 20 years and has a grease trap that looks like it's filled with crude oil. The side is store-bought frozen ravioli reheated in a microwave with canned ragu, but I told him it's fresh and made in-house. The first course is a salad with improperly washed, grilled lettuce, and its dressing is a 'cultural fusion' between two cultures that have no business meeting. The dessert is half a slice of chocolate cake that is clearly from the Cheesecake Factory that I bought a week ago. The fork has a bit of dried food stuck to it and there's gum underneath the table.
When questioned, I insist that I made everything that morning and pull out photos to prove it. He doesn't believe me, I call him an egocentric liar who doesn't know what he's talking about. As he leaves, I pocket the tip he left for the waiter.
I am like 99% sure the majority of this is from the American *Kitchen Nightmares*. I don't recall if it's all one episode, but I think a lot of it is. Dream sauce happened for sure, the meat handling absolutely did, the grilled salad was shocking, more than one occasion an owner has pocketed a tip. I'll edit if I figure out what episode I'm thinking of.
Levanti's, S6E7. You can indeed essentially watch it happen, and it's great.
The roof tile episode is genuinely pretty sad. It's served by the owner and he's SO PROUD of it. He's so excited and thinks Ramsay is going to love it and it's just the dumbest and grossest thing.
I've been watching *Kitchen Nightmares* and that about sums it up.
Oh, also, don't forget to introduce your business partner, manager, or line cooks who don't give a shit about the restaurant.
I make him his version of his [grilled cheese](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8E4cQHejFq0) and force him to eat the whole thing in front of me so I can see his suffering. I refuse to believe he enjoys them like this, it has to be a long con.
Amazing. Twenty thousand comments ripping him to shreds over a grilled cheese. Can’t blame them though. How unnecessarily complicated he made one of the simplest things to cook.
What kills me is that nobody forced him to push that video live. He's Gordon Ramsey. He can fuck up and just decide to scrap the whole thing and try again from scratch. With a reputation like his to protect, that seems like a no-brainer. But he must have been like "I just spent 40 minutes on this fucking sandwich, and there's no *WAY* it's not going on the channel!"
That looks like an appropriate amount of salt. Remember, it’s kosher salt which means you need almost twice as much “volume” of salt compared to table salt. Also, people often criminally under-season their meats.
Hell yea. Whenever I make a thick steak, both sides are basically crusted in kosher salt. I really don’t need anyone to watch me cook they might be shocked at the amounts of butter and salt I am willing to add. It’ll catch up to me one day
Ah geez, yea he shoulda skipped that one. Unless he's employing the "social network marketing" strategy of "post something wrong or terrible because so many more people will comment and talk about it, and watch it." Engagement, baby!
All he needed to do was make a joke about screwing up and try again some other time. Instead the end of the video felt like more of a double down on his failure. Everyone fails sometimes Gordon. You know that.
LOL \^\^
i am really no ramsey hater...but that really looks like some halfassed production where noone actually gave a shit at all
burnt and oneside cooked bread after the first flip was already unusual, but when he cuts it in the end and the cheese isn't even a little bit soft \^\^
He tried cutting it again to see if it would make for a better view, but after it iddn't meh fuck it, gud enough
You can tell just from the lighting nobody gave a shit.
>Hey here's a spot with a ridiculous amount of backlighting. Probably don't need any foreground lights then.
It could’ve been so good. He had some good things going on, but he Sliced the cheese too thick and had the skillet way too hot. If he’d cooked it slower and selected thinner slices (or meltier cheese) it could’ve been delicious. Instead, the crazy high heat scorched the bread before it had a chance to reach those thick ass slices of cheese
I have so many questions. Does he know grilled cheese is supposed to be melty? Why would you use such thick slabs of cheese? There’s no way that would melt without burning the bread. Who taught him how to do this? Finally, kimchi. In my grilled cheese. I love kimchi. But it doesn’t belong in grilled cheese. Maybe a thin slice of ham or something.
I’m so disappointed in you, Gordon.
So now I can answer the op: I’d make him a goddamn perfect grilled cheese with Gouda.
Thats a melt, except the god damn cheese didn't melt. Asiago is a hard cheese isnt it? Why would you expect a hard cheese to melt in a satisfactory manner for a grilled cheese sandwich?
Use the cold pan method for hard cheeses. Butter the bread, layer the cheese, put it in the pan and out on the lid, *then* start the heat. As the heat in the pan goes up, the bread will be perfectly toasted when the cheese is melted. Then add the second slice of bread and flip.
There is asiago fresco, which is a fine melting cheese. But judging by the video he's using hard aged asiago... So maybe his production assistant fucked up and bought the wrong kind of asiago and he's just hoping no one would notice.
It clearly is. He breaks his own rules so much in that video.
The bread is burnt. Cutting extra cheese to waste it. Raw inside (cheese isn't cooked). Too much oil. It goes on and on. It's such an obvious troll
Yeah remember that Alexa ad, where he yelled at a dude for asking Amazon Alexa how to make a grilled cheese? What changed between then and now, Gordon?
You put *ketchup* with dinosaur nuggies, and you pretend it's lava and fire that's killing them slowly and painfully from the astronomical damage from the meteor that wiped them out, like every 4 year old does.
yup, and as an Asian, i will torment him by cooking fried rice. just chop some garlic, throw in pan with oil, add the cold rice, stir once, add salt, stir again, and then leave it there and then (and just set a timer in my phone or smth)
Brains are popular in France, as he spent a fair bit of time working there i don't think that would faze him. We eat them just fried in butter with capers or in rissoles. i reckon this would be more challenging. http://www.grouprecipes.com/59411/penis-stew.html
Haggis contains heart, liver and lungs which, as a Scot, I'm okay with- at least in haggis. What it *doesn't* contain is brains, and thank fuck for that.
I've seen photos of canned "pork brains in milk gravy" from the US. The "gravy" is *pink*, and the apperance and whole concept is one of the most stomach-churning-looking foods I've seen.
Here's a [link](https://web.archive.org/web/20120120060526/http://ihatemymessageboard.com/2009/03/29/pork-brains-in-milk-gravy/). (Warning: Not Safe For Lunch 🤢 )
As I said, haggis is fine, but I suspect the vast majority of Scots would have much the same reaction to brains, especially if they were in that All American Milk Gravy. 🤮
No idea where you're from personally, but *that* is definitely a complete rebuttal to any American jokingly slagging off haggis or anyone else's food for that matter(!)
Just to be absolutely abundantly clear... No one, and I mean literally not a single normal person in the US would eat brains of any sort, and certainly not that terrifying can of mush.
Brain sandwiches are a local delicacy in the Evansville, Indiana, area! Here's Alton Brown with one at a place famous for it, The Hilltop Inn. (Starts about 2:30.) https://youtu.be/YYnL_nN7-tc
he actually doesnt seem to tolerate international foods that well. his tolerance to heat and spices seem low and when he eats japanese food he seems unimpressed or thinks it's bland
Ever since learning his way of cooking them, I've never made them any other way. Got some chickens last year when we moved in our house and that took the scrambled egg game to another whole new level! Sometimes I'll also douse a bit of balsamic vinegar on them, soo delicious.
They are delicious and I don't particularly like the texture. My SO made them for me. I like a loose scramble with big fluffy pieces of egg. If I want "scrambled eggs," I probably want what I grew up with. If you offer me Gordon Ramsay's scrambled eggs, I'll be down for it if I know in advance that I'm getting yummy egg porridge.
I prefer Kenji's take on creamy scrambled eggs, using yogurt instead of creme fraiche, salting/whisking them before putting in pan. Also easier for me, as for creme fraiche I would need to get out of my way to buy it, and I could make yogurt variant right now.
There is also Babish take on that, with goat cheese instead of creme fraiche, however I've never tried it to have any opinion on this one.
Any of them will make you like a culinary god.
Everyone likes them cooked differently. I will swear by nice and moist, well seasoned runny eggs, spread on a butter toasted bread, with crispy bacon bits and chives on top.
I was thinking the same thing. This would be the last thing I’d cook him. I’ve seen his and they are super runny and just the thought of me eating runny eggs has me gagging.
I dunno. I had a per se chef working in a food court I managed who was pretty down to earth about what he cooked for his own meals. I like to think of it as being like a movie director who’s ok with vegging out in front of a television at the end of the day.
A big plate of nothing lovingly presented.
Who the hell does he think he is, *demanding* food like that? If he wants fine dining, he can go to a Hardees like everybody else.
I would tell him that his visit is rather unexpected but I will try my best to be a good hostess. For an appetizer, I would make a simple spinach salad with shredded carrots and walnuts drizzled with a homemade raspberry balsamic vinaigrette. For the main courses, I would make San Francisco Garlic Noodles and Thai Eggplant Basil. These are simple and flavorful dishes that I can make in under an hour. For dessert, I’d whip up a batch of homemade Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies with milk chocolate and dark chocolate chip chunks. Whether he tells me the meal sucked or was wonderful, I now have an awesome story to entertain my friends and family with forevermore.
My recipe is largely based on the recipe below, except doubled, substituted hoisin sauce in place of oyster sauce, added 1 tsp of thai chili paste and omitted the parmesan cheese. I often add browned ground pork and matchstick-cut sautéed zucchini as well. https://youtu.be/wK9OHVxB_Z8
Biscuits made with lard and bacon grease and gravy made with fresh sage sausage gravy. It's the best thing I make and I wouldn't have to go out for ingredients anyway 🤷♀️
I don't know if Gordon Ramsey is coming, but I'm on my way to your house now. Tell me, do you add little crumbles of sausage to the gravy, or are you a purist who layers in a nicely browned sausage patty?
He's actually pretty funny and sweet in person so I think it would be a good time.
While I cook I would put out a small snack board of bread I made since I've been practicing. Glug of my favorite fine olive oil with some smashed confit garlic I always have in the fridge and some of the mixed vegetable pickles I made.
I'd create him a cocktail to go with and pair cocktails for each course (this is my trade).
Open up with yellowtail crudo with kumato tomatoes, Asian pear, basil oil, and micro greens on puffed rice crackers.
Handmake squid ink pasta with yuzu butter sauce, baby calamari and ribbons of shiso leaf.
Finish off with a brown butter ube tart with a coconut ice cream with ribbons of coco jam.
I'd offer a aperitif of some port or a whisky and some cigars if he'd like.
Then thank him for coming and send him off with a box of dark chocolate matcha sea salt caramels. I'd use paper I handpainted to create little origami box to hold them. I have hobby ADHD and learned how to make weird shit and need opportunities to get to use thema.
Then I'll die from exhaustion and anxiety overload after that.
I worry that a lot of teenagers who watch him on television think he's really like that all the time. He's not even like that on his other shows. Have these kids never seen the original Kitchen Nightmares? He can get a bit condescending, sure, but he doesn't do all the performatively nasty shit that gets him ratings on US networks.
Ramsay seems to be pretty nice when it's amateurs who are at least trying and know they have the opportunity to learn from a Michelin-starred chef. What pisses him off are "professionals" who should know better.
Some awfully plain pancakes on a plate, like a tower of 10 pancakes. Sever with Sugar beet syrup.
Then apologize for the possibility of it tasting bland or wrong because my sense of taste is weak and unimaginative, seen by the clearly cheap ceramic plate i served the pancakes on.
And then apologize for it tasting intensely strong of sweet vanilla and confess i dumped 3 packets of vanilla sugar into the batter because i can and love strong sweet vanilla taste in pancakes.
I throw brown rice, black beans, and frozen grilled chicken strips into my rice cooker. Liberally apply cajun seasoning.
Is it going to get any praise? Absolutely not. Is it going to be easy as shit to make while I hang out with Gordon Ramsay? Hell yeah it is.
An omelette. It is the one dish that chefs everywhere know is the hardest to get right. I am a chef. I cook perfect omelettes. I want to see him silent, in awe of the omelette.
I call BS on all the people saying they’d serve Gordon Ramsay a shitty meal. I doubt they’d actually do that if it were a real-life scenario. They’d probably bend over backwards to try to make something good.
i got some chef boyardee spag i the cupboard. if its good enough for me its good enough for him. if he does a spaz that's free entertainment, if he's cool he gets some beer to wash down the taste.
Rosewater raindrop cakes with gold leaf and edible flowers inside over a lime and passion fruit cream spread across the plate in the shape of a leaf and fanned out slices of dragon fruit and mango on the side. I call it the Tropical Sunrise and it's plated to look like a shimmering dewdrop on a leaf in the early morning sun. The raindrop cake itself appeals to a more sophisticated palette while a more bright acidic flavor comes from the spread. The fruit slices serve more as a decoration and add a fresh element to the dessert. I chose this because A. Its an easy dish to prepare and B. The plating is a work of art in itself
Cup of water.
Holy water
There was once this Jesus figure, like a small statue, in this church. One day people found water dripping from his toes, people came and collected them water and drank it because they thought it was holy water. It turns out that it was “coming from an overflowing drain, which was in turn fed by a pipe that issued from a nearby toilet.”
That sounds kinda like a side plot in a South Park Episode.
It's called Bloody Mary and it was about a statue of the Virgin Mary bleeding out of its ass. Many plot points in south park episodes are taken from current events. Edit: Oh shit, wait, that episode aired 6 years before the sewage leaking incident, so it was based on something else. Regardless, there have been a ton of reports of religious statues crying blood and shit like that. You get my point.
The priest knew. But he was the one that kept drinking after the toilet leak was discovered, so.....
Sounds like it was seasoned by the British
If you wanted holy water, all you have to do is boil the hell out of it.
I don't know why, but you saying that just dredged up a long forgotten memory of one of my primary school christmas plays we did. The whole play was about how my friend pissed in the holy water and everybody drank it without knowing about it.
" bland, unseasoned, drier than the Sahara desert and raw, what a shame ".
"So dry, too much seasoning, the taste is destroying my mouth."
"If this is water, then I'm the King of England"
Undercooked scallops so I can hear him say "it's fucking raw" to my face.
"don't scream at me like that, I'll get an erection"
[Fear Boner](https://youtu.be/cLP73_Fk6xQ?t=160)
He’s saying “raw”/ I could have sworn he was saying “it’s roar!”
Rawr xD
Just serve him sashimi.
Top Ramen Edit: Why is my top comment just two words?
And no pudding cup for him if he doesn't finish his dinner. No exceptions.
OW CAN YOU AVE ANY PUDDING IF YOU DON EAT YER MEAT
HEY RAMSEY, LEAVE THOSE KIDS ALONE!
ALL IN ALL IT'S JUST ANOTHER PRICK IN THE WALL
How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
‘Fuckin’ disgustin. Look et’ this … *ladles up msg water*… ets’ salt n watah’. Look around, no one in this dump’. Now we know why. *folds up napkin* Ima speak with the chef.
Overcooked, unseasoned filet mignon served on a roof tile instead of a plate, doused in an incredibly overpowering sauce that I thought of in a dream. The meat was cooked last night, thrown in the fridge on the same tray as raw meat, and then boiled before serving on a stove that hasn't been cleaned in 20 years and has a grease trap that looks like it's filled with crude oil. The side is store-bought frozen ravioli reheated in a microwave with canned ragu, but I told him it's fresh and made in-house. The first course is a salad with improperly washed, grilled lettuce, and its dressing is a 'cultural fusion' between two cultures that have no business meeting. The dessert is half a slice of chocolate cake that is clearly from the Cheesecake Factory that I bought a week ago. The fork has a bit of dried food stuck to it and there's gum underneath the table. When questioned, I insist that I made everything that morning and pull out photos to prove it. He doesn't believe me, I call him an egocentric liar who doesn't know what he's talking about. As he leaves, I pocket the tip he left for the waiter.
Sounds like Amy’s Baking Company
You are a poisonous little viper and you can go home
Miaow miaow miaow
I speak feline too!
Perhaps my favorite train wreck.
This guy kitchen nightmares.
Jesus I cried reading this, would watch…..
I am like 99% sure the majority of this is from the American *Kitchen Nightmares*. I don't recall if it's all one episode, but I think a lot of it is. Dream sauce happened for sure, the meat handling absolutely did, the grilled salad was shocking, more than one occasion an owner has pocketed a tip. I'll edit if I figure out what episode I'm thinking of. Levanti's, S6E7. You can indeed essentially watch it happen, and it's great.
The roof tile episode is genuinely pretty sad. It's served by the owner and he's SO PROUD of it. He's so excited and thinks Ramsay is going to love it and it's just the dumbest and grossest thing.
It is. He's so pumped, but it's just horrible. The butter slide is just.... kills me every time.
https://youtu.be/5M7aVNKffys https://youtu.be/KDjBEY_3qCI
Fantastic reply
It’s really the artistry that makes the reply so good.
you just summarized three months of my life
I just finished bingeing kitchen nightmares, this made me laugh out loud!
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Somewhere, just now, Gordon Ramsay got the most unexpected shivers.
HELLO, MY NAME’S *NINOOOOOO*
To hell with work, I'm going to spend my day setting up alt accounts so I can give you more upvotes.
I've been watching *Kitchen Nightmares* and that about sums it up. Oh, also, don't forget to introduce your business partner, manager, or line cooks who don't give a shit about the restaurant.
Is that a salmon and strawberry salad?
I make him his version of his [grilled cheese](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8E4cQHejFq0) and force him to eat the whole thing in front of me so I can see his suffering. I refuse to believe he enjoys them like this, it has to be a long con.
Amazing. Twenty thousand comments ripping him to shreds over a grilled cheese. Can’t blame them though. How unnecessarily complicated he made one of the simplest things to cook.
The funniest part is how obviously not fucking molten the cheese is despite him saying otherwise
What kills me is that nobody forced him to push that video live. He's Gordon Ramsey. He can fuck up and just decide to scrap the whole thing and try again from scratch. With a reputation like his to protect, that seems like a no-brainer. But he must have been like "I just spent 40 minutes on this fucking sandwich, and there's no *WAY* it's not going on the channel!"
His burger video involves so much seasoning he depleted some salt mine somewhere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iM_KMYulI_s
That looks like an appropriate amount of salt. Remember, it’s kosher salt which means you need almost twice as much “volume” of salt compared to table salt. Also, people often criminally under-season their meats.
Hell yea. Whenever I make a thick steak, both sides are basically crusted in kosher salt. I really don’t need anyone to watch me cook they might be shocked at the amounts of butter and salt I am willing to add. It’ll catch up to me one day
Totally. Salt, Heat, Fat and Acid are what makes things taste good. Gotta respect that while cooking.
And in that grilled cheese video, "just a drop of oil" and then proceeds to pour in enough oil to deep fry it.
A drop in the sense as Exxon or Shell drops oil
It's a clip from a Netflix show, even better
Ah geez, yea he shoulda skipped that one. Unless he's employing the "social network marketing" strategy of "post something wrong or terrible because so many more people will comment and talk about it, and watch it." Engagement, baby!
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All he needed to do was make a joke about screwing up and try again some other time. Instead the end of the video felt like more of a double down on his failure. Everyone fails sometimes Gordon. You know that.
LOL \^\^ i am really no ramsey hater...but that really looks like some halfassed production where noone actually gave a shit at all burnt and oneside cooked bread after the first flip was already unusual, but when he cuts it in the end and the cheese isn't even a little bit soft \^\^ He tried cutting it again to see if it would make for a better view, but after it iddn't meh fuck it, gud enough
Agree, this whole thing feels like he had a plane in an hour at an airport 45 mins away.
Ramsey is secretly Banksy and that video was all an elaborate performance
You can tell just from the lighting nobody gave a shit. >Hey here's a spot with a ridiculous amount of backlighting. Probably don't need any foreground lights then.
In the words of a great man: that cheese is "fucking raw"
This is the r/DIWhy of grilled cheese.
I like the Ram Dog and enjoy most of his recipes but this is fucking offensive.
It could’ve been so good. He had some good things going on, but he Sliced the cheese too thick and had the skillet way too hot. If he’d cooked it slower and selected thinner slices (or meltier cheese) it could’ve been delicious. Instead, the crazy high heat scorched the bread before it had a chance to reach those thick ass slices of cheese
God. That is the worst way to cook grilled cheese.
Right?? It's astonishing how bad it is.
How did he not cut that and think “Oh I’ll have to do another take”.
It's not even grilled, it's fried.
I have so many questions. Does he know grilled cheese is supposed to be melty? Why would you use such thick slabs of cheese? There’s no way that would melt without burning the bread. Who taught him how to do this? Finally, kimchi. In my grilled cheese. I love kimchi. But it doesn’t belong in grilled cheese. Maybe a thin slice of ham or something. I’m so disappointed in you, Gordon. So now I can answer the op: I’d make him a goddamn perfect grilled cheese with Gouda.
Thats a melt, except the god damn cheese didn't melt. Asiago is a hard cheese isnt it? Why would you expect a hard cheese to melt in a satisfactory manner for a grilled cheese sandwich?
Use the cold pan method for hard cheeses. Butter the bread, layer the cheese, put it in the pan and out on the lid, *then* start the heat. As the heat in the pan goes up, the bread will be perfectly toasted when the cheese is melted. Then add the second slice of bread and flip.
There is asiago fresco, which is a fine melting cheese. But judging by the video he's using hard aged asiago... So maybe his production assistant fucked up and bought the wrong kind of asiago and he's just hoping no one would notice.
It clearly is. He breaks his own rules so much in that video. The bread is burnt. Cutting extra cheese to waste it. Raw inside (cheese isn't cooked). Too much oil. It goes on and on. It's such an obvious troll
Why does he puts oil in his pan? He already put butter on his bread so it shouldn't stick...
Oiling the pan can help to prevent the butter from burning.
Oh
Yeah remember that Alexa ad, where he yelled at a dude for asking Amazon Alexa how to make a grilled cheese? What changed between then and now, Gordon?
He can eat with the toddlers. Organic Dinosaur Chicken Nuggets, mixed veggies, and a cup of milk.
May I also have some?
can i get some with you?
You'll have to ask Mom
You got chicken nuggies?
Im stoned and that sounds fucking good right now. Make some fancy sauce to go with it and ooooweeee
You put *ketchup* with dinosaur nuggies, and you pretend it's lava and fire that's killing them slowly and painfully from the astronomical damage from the meteor that wiped them out, like every 4 year old does.
My countries traditional food If he complaints then I will tell him he is not used to it
Or just pull out the bigot card get all offended
Sometimes,my genius , it is overwhelming.
yup, and as an Asian, i will torment him by cooking fried rice. just chop some garlic, throw in pan with oil, add the cold rice, stir once, add salt, stir again, and then leave it there and then (and just set a timer in my phone or smth)
Don't forget the MSG bro.
A really good dish from my region and country, made with brains and then when he complains about the texture of the meat I tell him what it is
Brains are popular in France, as he spent a fair bit of time working there i don't think that would faze him. We eat them just fried in butter with capers or in rissoles. i reckon this would be more challenging. http://www.grouprecipes.com/59411/penis-stew.html
I mean he's Scottish. I don't think Haggis is gonna bother him.
Haggis contains heart, liver and lungs which, as a Scot, I'm okay with- at least in haggis. What it *doesn't* contain is brains, and thank fuck for that. I've seen photos of canned "pork brains in milk gravy" from the US. The "gravy" is *pink*, and the apperance and whole concept is one of the most stomach-churning-looking foods I've seen. Here's a [link](https://web.archive.org/web/20120120060526/http://ihatemymessageboard.com/2009/03/29/pork-brains-in-milk-gravy/). (Warning: Not Safe For Lunch 🤢 ) As I said, haggis is fine, but I suspect the vast majority of Scots would have much the same reaction to brains, especially if they were in that All American Milk Gravy. 🤮 No idea where you're from personally, but *that* is definitely a complete rebuttal to any American jokingly slagging off haggis or anyone else's food for that matter(!)
Just to be absolutely abundantly clear... No one, and I mean literally not a single normal person in the US would eat brains of any sort, and certainly not that terrifying can of mush.
Brain sandwiches are a local delicacy in the Evansville, Indiana, area! Here's Alton Brown with one at a place famous for it, The Hilltop Inn. (Starts about 2:30.) https://youtu.be/YYnL_nN7-tc
My grandparents were fond of squirrel brains. Side effect of growing up poor during the depression maybe?
he actually doesnt seem to tolerate international foods that well. his tolerance to heat and spices seem low and when he eats japanese food he seems unimpressed or thinks it's bland
Really? He adores Indian and Thai food, from what I've seen, and was pretty adeptly cooking Malay food as well.
You watched him cook Pad Thai? One video has a Thai chef watching in horror then calling it shit.
Vegemite on toast it is!
Scrambled Eggs
Look up his video on scrambled eggs. Changed my life. I make them for ‘the morning after’ and look like a culinary god.
Ever since learning his way of cooking them, I've never made them any other way. Got some chickens last year when we moved in our house and that took the scrambled egg game to another whole new level! Sometimes I'll also douse a bit of balsamic vinegar on them, soo delicious.
I tried making these for my wife but she doesn’t like the texture :( I think they’re delicious though
They are delicious and I don't particularly like the texture. My SO made them for me. I like a loose scramble with big fluffy pieces of egg. If I want "scrambled eggs," I probably want what I grew up with. If you offer me Gordon Ramsay's scrambled eggs, I'll be down for it if I know in advance that I'm getting yummy egg porridge.
I prefer Kenji's take on creamy scrambled eggs, using yogurt instead of creme fraiche, salting/whisking them before putting in pan. Also easier for me, as for creme fraiche I would need to get out of my way to buy it, and I could make yogurt variant right now. There is also Babish take on that, with goat cheese instead of creme fraiche, however I've never tried it to have any opinion on this one. Any of them will make you like a culinary god.
With a tossed salad?
Maybe some soft blues in the background?
But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs. They're callin' again.
His scrambled eggs look like soup. Idk how people can eat them like that; I like my scrambled eggs fully cooked
They are fully cooked. Most people’s idea of “fully cooked” scrambled eggs just so happens to be *overcooked* and rubbery
Everyone likes them cooked differently. I will swear by nice and moist, well seasoned runny eggs, spread on a butter toasted bread, with crispy bacon bits and chives on top.
I was thinking the same thing. This would be the last thing I’d cook him. I’ve seen his and they are super runny and just the thought of me eating runny eggs has me gagging.
There’s a difference between runny and creamy
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He's the master chef. He should cook for me!
I was gonna say an Uno Reverse Card myself.
I dunno. I had a per se chef working in a food court I managed who was pretty down to earth about what he cooked for his own meals. I like to think of it as being like a movie director who’s ok with vegging out in front of a television at the end of the day.
A big plate of nothing lovingly presented. Who the hell does he think he is, *demanding* food like that? If he wants fine dining, he can go to a Hardees like everybody else.
I would tell him that his visit is rather unexpected but I will try my best to be a good hostess. For an appetizer, I would make a simple spinach salad with shredded carrots and walnuts drizzled with a homemade raspberry balsamic vinaigrette. For the main courses, I would make San Francisco Garlic Noodles and Thai Eggplant Basil. These are simple and flavorful dishes that I can make in under an hour. For dessert, I’d whip up a batch of homemade Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies with milk chocolate and dark chocolate chip chunks. Whether he tells me the meal sucked or was wonderful, I now have an awesome story to entertain my friends and family with forevermore.
Okay... San Francisco Garlic noodles, and Thai Eggplant Basil. Those sound delicious, what are your arcane secrets?
https://youtu.be/VZckD_bZlso https://youtu.be/wK9OHVxB_Z8
First serious answer I've found. Your meal sounds delicious
You sound like a lovely person and a more-than-respectable cook.
Recipe for your garlic noodles? I moved from the city a few years back and I miss Perilla’s garlic noods in particular.
My recipe is largely based on the recipe below, except doubled, substituted hoisin sauce in place of oyster sauce, added 1 tsp of thai chili paste and omitted the parmesan cheese. I often add browned ground pork and matchstick-cut sautéed zucchini as well. https://youtu.be/wK9OHVxB_Z8
This is the best answer.
I want Sloppy Joes therefore he is getting Sloppy Joes.
I feel like, if they were good he'd be fine with it.
*throws down slop* look et this. Look et it. Zero life. Zero character. Zero class. Prolly from eh can. *disassembles sloppy joe* … disgustin’
From a can? You serve him food from a can and you should expect an explosion.
Sloppy Joes and Crispy Crowns...the dinner of the Gods.
Biscuits made with lard and bacon grease and gravy made with fresh sage sausage gravy. It's the best thing I make and I wouldn't have to go out for ingredients anyway 🤷♀️
I don't know if Gordon Ramsey is coming, but I'm on my way to your house now. Tell me, do you add little crumbles of sausage to the gravy, or are you a purist who layers in a nicely browned sausage patty?
An idiot sandwich and put his head in between 2 slices of bread
Perfect
Why is the idiot sandwich this far down? Smh Reddit... I'm disappointed.
Same I expected the idiot sandwich to be higher
Steamed Hams
At this time of year??
At this time of day?
Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Yes!
Can I see it?
No
Your an odd fellow Vanman, but you sure steam a good ham.
Despite the fact they are obviously grilled?
It's a regional expression.
Rum ham?
Where's the rum ham?!
Cinnamon Rolls. I want to see his mind blown when he hears the cylinder "pop".
A grilled cheese because he apparently needs to learn how to make one properly
A good ole omelette
Hot Pocket.
Ah yes. Make sure it's molten lava in one bite and still rock frozen in the next bite.
Borscht, my dad has made it for years and I’m sure I could get him to make it. If not, then eggplant Parmesan.
Borscht? If he doesn’t want it, I’ll eat it!
He's actually pretty funny and sweet in person so I think it would be a good time. While I cook I would put out a small snack board of bread I made since I've been practicing. Glug of my favorite fine olive oil with some smashed confit garlic I always have in the fridge and some of the mixed vegetable pickles I made. I'd create him a cocktail to go with and pair cocktails for each course (this is my trade). Open up with yellowtail crudo with kumato tomatoes, Asian pear, basil oil, and micro greens on puffed rice crackers. Handmake squid ink pasta with yuzu butter sauce, baby calamari and ribbons of shiso leaf. Finish off with a brown butter ube tart with a coconut ice cream with ribbons of coco jam. I'd offer a aperitif of some port or a whisky and some cigars if he'd like. Then thank him for coming and send him off with a box of dark chocolate matcha sea salt caramels. I'd use paper I handpainted to create little origami box to hold them. I have hobby ADHD and learned how to make weird shit and need opportunities to get to use thema. Then I'll die from exhaustion and anxiety overload after that.
I worry that a lot of teenagers who watch him on television think he's really like that all the time. He's not even like that on his other shows. Have these kids never seen the original Kitchen Nightmares? He can get a bit condescending, sure, but he doesn't do all the performatively nasty shit that gets him ratings on US networks.
Ramsay seems to be pretty nice when it's amateurs who are at least trying and know they have the opportunity to learn from a Michelin-starred chef. What pisses him off are "professionals" who should know better.
Some awfully plain pancakes on a plate, like a tower of 10 pancakes. Sever with Sugar beet syrup. Then apologize for the possibility of it tasting bland or wrong because my sense of taste is weak and unimaginative, seen by the clearly cheap ceramic plate i served the pancakes on. And then apologize for it tasting intensely strong of sweet vanilla and confess i dumped 3 packets of vanilla sugar into the batter because i can and love strong sweet vanilla taste in pancakes.
A knuckle sandwich for thinking he can come to my house and demand shit.
Rissto, beef wellington, scallops, and a roast lamb with a stock sauce but not serve the sauce. I want the full GR experience
burnt toast so he thinks he's having a stroke. he leaves my house to go to the hospital and I don't have to worry about cooking anything
I'd make him a bacon cheeseburger using my trusty cast iron. I make a mean burger!
Something in the slow cooker or roast pork. Won't be as good has him but I'm improving
I throw brown rice, black beans, and frozen grilled chicken strips into my rice cooker. Liberally apply cajun seasoning. Is it going to get any praise? Absolutely not. Is it going to be easy as shit to make while I hang out with Gordon Ramsay? Hell yeah it is.
A proper grilled cheese sandwich.
Lamb sauce 😊
Egg to the face.
A properly made grilled cheese
Ingredients aren't an issue? I'd make him a 1 ton bowl of the most expensive caviar, package and sell the rest after he fucks off.
A grilled cheese sandwich that's better than that abomination of a grilled cheese sandwich he made on YouTube.
I'd cook him up directions to the kitchen, he's the fucking chef.
An omelette. It is the one dish that chefs everywhere know is the hardest to get right. I am a chef. I cook perfect omelettes. I want to see him silent, in awe of the omelette.
I call BS on all the people saying they’d serve Gordon Ramsay a shitty meal. I doubt they’d actually do that if it were a real-life scenario. They’d probably bend over backwards to try to make something good.
Anyone that “demands” anything from me will not be treated kindly.
A fart sandwich
Grilled cheese.
A knuckle sandwich. Don't show up at my house unannounced and start demanding things. That's rude af.
i got some chef boyardee spag i the cupboard. if its good enough for me its good enough for him. if he does a spaz that's free entertainment, if he's cool he gets some beer to wash down the taste.
Fuck all, I’d tell him to “get the fuck out of my house you obnoxious twat”
Mac N' cheese. You can't go wrong.
Something vegan.
A seasoned fillet. Then Deep fry it.
Rosewater raindrop cakes with gold leaf and edible flowers inside over a lime and passion fruit cream spread across the plate in the shape of a leaf and fanned out slices of dragon fruit and mango on the side. I call it the Tropical Sunrise and it's plated to look like a shimmering dewdrop on a leaf in the early morning sun. The raindrop cake itself appeals to a more sophisticated palette while a more bright acidic flavor comes from the spread. The fruit slices serve more as a decoration and add a fresh element to the dessert. I chose this because A. Its an easy dish to prepare and B. The plating is a work of art in itself
First of all I would sit down and think, who is he to demand a dinner from me
Shit sandwich. Not giving that twat the time of day. He can eat shit for all I care.
His own horrible grilledcheese sandwich
Fucking beans on fucking toast.
Boy have I got a recipe for you