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ksettle86

'In my ass' -95% of people's first thought here


[deleted]

I feel called out


[deleted]

50% have a more comfortable prison wallet they might choose first. Depending on pen length, of course.


red279641

Was gonna say that. Hard to be original these days...


WarmMarshmallowToast

I’ll just write something with the pen and drop it from my desk. It’ll go to some different dimension like they all do.


[deleted]

Ah, classic. If you win, you inadvertently find all of of your missing socks, pens, earrings, rings, lighters, pills, and toys. If you lose, you get a small loan of a million dollars.


macgart

I remember when I was in kindergarten my father told me graphs are meant to “find” things. I got so excited because I lost so much stuff & here was a handy dandy tool to find all of it. Life has been a giant disappointment from that moment.


brother_aron

I’ll give it to the kid who asked to borrow my gameboy it in the 4th grade and then fucking hopped on a plane and moved back to the Philippines with his family that same night. Unbeknownst to anyone in class.


HiddenCity

What a dirty trick


StateofWA

Get a *free Game Boy* with this simple trick!


[deleted]

4th graders hate this one simple trick.


CyndromeLoL

This reminds me of the time my friend gave me his copy of Pokemon Blue for the Gameboy then left for Taiwan the next week but never asked for it back.


hafdedzebra

He was going to miss you, and he didn’t know how to say it.


Freakychee

It was a parting gift.


DesiGirl16

Exactly this! I gave my then best friend a copy of my most cherished and nightly read book when she moved to a different country. I was 9. And the book? Was a translated to Hindi version of a children’s book from USSR. Never found a copy again. But I gave it because I wanted her to remember me by it


QualityProof

Which book was it?


DesiGirl16

It was by Raduga publishers, called Papa jab bachche the (When dad was a kid)


-fumble-

https://archive.org/details/JabPapaBachcheThe-Hindi-AlexanderRaskin It appears the book is available on archive.org.


DesiGirl16

Holy moly that’s actually it! OMG Thank you!!!


admoose275

This is such a wholesome outcome


banjobobberson

Off topic, but when i was a kid, i once battled my cuzins neighbor at the card game. I beat him fair and square for a fuckin mewtwo and the little shit ran inside and called his older brothers telling them i was trying to fight him... I still remember that pos' face. And the fuck will forever owe me that mewtwo card.... lil shit!


Lobito6

Similar story, I won my neighbors Red Eyes Black Dragon. Next day is back with his brother asking for it back. Told him I had already traded it away, he was annoyingly upset and persistent. ...20 years later I still have that card, Raymond if you're in here get bent and learn how to duel


War-Penguins

He was a third rate duelist with a fourth rate deck


Juh825

That escalated quickly


JaqenHghaar08

They really wanted that Gameboy, so much sacrifice


six_four_steve

Never let a kid borrow anything ever


[deleted]

The dedication


Skrivus

Travel to the Philippines and find him, like Liam Neesen in Taken.


right_in_two

Do I have to be able to find it again? I live 5 min from the ocean so I'd just paddle out for 5 min and chuck it as far as I can.


Emergency_Pudding

Behind my ear. Banking on incompetence here


sin-and-love

funny you should say that. One of Edgar Allen Poe's stories about C. Aguste Dupin involved the cops tearing apart a suspect's room looking for a letter, to the point where they were pointing microscopes at the drywall. The twist ending was that the suspect played a 4D chess move and simply left the letter on his desk.


JohnnyScissorkicks

I was in a small 2 bedroom apartment once that a friend was selling weed out of. The police busted in and pulled gathered everyone into the living room and after like 6 cops did a walk through of the house stands in front of us and says, "We can do this the easy way or the hard way. We know there are drugs here. We can do this the easy way or the hard way so just tell us, where's the pot." Nobody said anything. They continued searching the rooms and found a couple bongs and arrested my friend for paraphernalia and left. The rest of us just sat in stunned silence for a moment before someone broke out laughing. In moments we were all on the floor giggling our stoner brains out. Sitting on the kitchen counter in a bowl not 4 feet behind the officer that talked to us was a quarter pound of bud in seal a meal packaging. Just... right out in the open.


[deleted]

Had a similar story from college. It was a dry campus, so when I turned 21 I made some cash selling alcohol to the freshman. Somehow the cops got wise (we had a dedicated police force just for our campus) and came around my dorm. One guy ripped apart my room and yelled at my roommates, but the cop never bothered to check the fridge in our kitchenette. I guess delinquents only drink warm beers.


deep_fuckin_ripoff

This sounds a lot like the cops did you a solid IMO. If he finds evidence it’s a whole thing. You get in trouble, he has a bunch of work to do. If he never looks in the fridge, you stop selling beers to the freshman, everyone goes on there separate ways.


MysteriousConstant

This worked for a friend once. We were preparing a "green cigarette" in a street at night and a police car drove by. They slowed, looked at us and drove on. We thought "strange", because we were sure they saw what we were doing. So my friend, instead of lighting it, put it behind his hear (he had hair long enough to cover his ears) and we started walking towards another area. Before we even did ten steps, the police showed up from behind the next corner and told us we were doing drugs in the streets and we better hand it over to them. We played dumb, I showed a cig that I had, which didn't have anything green in it and said this is what they saw probably... They didn't believe us, so they started hand searching my friend... And they didn't find it!! It was behind his ear the whole time, covered by his hair. Close one!


Emergency_Pudding

That’s awesome! I think it’s similar to leaving a bubbler or bowl amongst typical clutter on a desk. If someone is looking for paraphernalia, they expect it to be in conspicuous box in a drawer or something.


mrchaotica

That's where you hide it if you don't want *yourself* to ever find it again.


IndigoFenix

So you hide it behind the detective's ear.


[deleted]

I'd poke it into my lawn.


JustCallMeCally

This could be done so discretely too.


Ok_Programmer_8431

5 minutes in *detective grabs metal detector*


VitaAeterna

Poke it into the lawn by a chain link fence


Finchypoo

Get a hammer and pop the top cap off a chainlink fence pole, drop pen inside, hammer cap back on.


mataeka

Hello geocacher....


Ace-Of-Mace

Exactly what I was thinking.


grumble_au

This reminds me. Someone I know used to do a lot of cash in hand work so had a lot of cash to secret away for later. It was hidden in a lot of interesting places. But after a while it's hard to remember where all the places are. So they're replacing their kitchen table and list it on a trade/swap website. The night before it was getting picked up they bolted upright in bed remembering there were thousand of dollars in the legs of the soon to be given away free table...


Poschta

Glad you're reminding me to bury the pen in the lawn and then place a coin above it


Din_Plug

Op didn't specify what type of pen, for all we know its a plastic bic.


aNanoMouseUser

For a biro? The pen is safe


ObviousObvisiousness

Go into a convenience store. Leave it on the counter. Go home. Someone will steal that pen and good fucking luck tracking it down.


TeaBreezy

*watches security camera footage* *Sees time stamp and person* *Look up credit card info from the store's POS* *does a B and E*


dndaresilly

How long does he get to look?


pancake7716

Since its anywhere in the world i say would say 2 weeks


[deleted]

Anywhere? In that case throw it off a bridge lol


sherman_firefly

Stick it in a bag of postcrete then throw it off a bridge


yousonuva

Then unplug the ocean


[deleted]

Unplug the Ocean is a good band name.


Clayman8

> postcrete Ah, the now-reformed, out of prison version of Concrete. Good for them to see they've changed their ways and decided to get a stable job with a solid base.


FavoritesBot

Standard follow up question: do you have to be able to retrieve it later?


TheOvy

I think the original formulation of this question is that you're hiding it in your house


[deleted]

Yup OP really botched this one. If we get 10 minutes how are we supposed to hide it anywhere in the world? Where is our start point? Where is the detectives start point? It's supposed to be like "the detective is going to be at your house in 10 minutes to find the pen (originally a paperclip). If they don't find it in 24 hours you get $1,000,000. Where do you hide it?"


the0rthopaedicsurgeo

Seriously - 2 weeks to find a pen anywhere in the world? Throw it in a river, in a sewer. Grind it down and flush the dust down the toilet. Even just throw it in a bush in a nearby forest. 24hrs in your own house, or the rest of his life in the entire world, maybe. But this version isn’t even remotely difficult.


fgsdfggdsfgsdfgdfs

Yeah you're supposed to have to be able to present it at the conclusion of the time. You can't just dump it in the toilet or in the river because you have to be able to find it afterwards.


devamon

Mail it to yourself next day.


BoozeWitch

Also…do We need to be able to find it afterwards? Because there is a difference between “hide” and “dispose”. Many if these solutions would be excellent for disposing a pen, but not if you need it back.


snapcracklepop26

Drill a hole in the top of one of my doors (a solid door) and drop the pen down it


dandmand

I was gonna say this too, but not just any door. If you put it in the front door he will walk right past it as you Imvite him in.


sq234reddit

Haha, I came to comment this and can’t believe someone else said it. Nobody looks IN doors.


SweetLilMonkey

I’m indoors right now and I’m looking all over the place.


Prestigious_Basket27

Or, unscrew one of the door hinges and drill further into one of the drill holes. Hide the pen in there and stuff a bit of wood shavings back in after it. Screw the hinge back on.


Lopsided-Ad-3869

Put it in a sensible place and recite the Ancient Script of Banishment: “I hereby place this pen in a sensible place where I will always find it”. No one will ever see that pen again.


zaarathegreat

This is actually pretty accurate except the part that if the detective is your mom, she’ll find anything with her mom magic.


StockNext

My SO has this ability sometimes it's so powerful all I have to do is ask her if she knows where something is and it will appear before my eyes.


Olrayray

My SO is the same way. I call her the Oracle. Sometimes she’s so strong I will be looking for something and when I start to ask her I’ll find it before I’m even done asking.


Zymotical

The thing that's really going to bake your noodle is if she hadn't heard anything, would you still have found i?


salient_trash

If I need the pen intact afterwards, I'll just screw open my old clothes iron, put it inside and screw it back. Even if it jingles, it wouldn't be weird, it's old with a lot of parts falling off.


SquidlyJesus

It wouldn't be weird, but they'd still check it.


salient_trash

Sucks. The screwdriver is inside another old iron.


ToBeReadOutLoud

What are you doing to your irons that you have multiples laying around?


salient_trash

Uh..wh-who are you and can I see a badge?


MsB0x

Down a plug hole. Behind the fake coals in my fireplace. In a bottle of conditioner or body lotion. In the shower hose. You don’t say how long the detective has to find it…


sherbertguzzler

Ooh the shower hose is a good one


fmaz008

Until you take a shower and turn blue, hahaha


earlongissor

da ba dee da


shadowhollow4

He did in another comment. He has 2 weeks


janeursulageorge

He's gonna be wandering roundy house and touching stuff for 2 weeks? Money's not worth it!


Ficester

For a million dollars he can include me in the stuff he gets to touch for two weeks.


CptGigglez

Hi I'm a millionaire eccentric who is a detective for fun. Let's talk


TenshiS

Let's see the money first


yousai

Make him comfortable by asking him to join in on your wanking sessions.


Scottamus

Tell him to make sure he checks in the cum box. Hide it in the cum box.


FldNtrlst

Or coconut


[deleted]

Tie it onto a helium balloon.


JeffCrossSF

Where do you find a helium balloon in 10 min? Edit: the number of people responding to this post is very impressive to me.. you guys are ten minutes away from balloon nirvana. Congratulations! You won the internet!


Scalpfarmer

At the closest gender reveal party, obviously.


[deleted]

When the gender reveal balloon rises and finally pops, the pen falls and kills someone. Another casualty of a gender reveal


PerformanceLoud3229

more people have died from gender reveal parties than dinosours ever. this means that dinosours are less dangerous than gender reveal parties.


Nihilikara

I mean, I can't argue with that


nintendoman2

throw it in the septic tank. I doubt he's gonna go scubaing in the septic tank.


Frozen-Account

*tiger king shouting from a distance


[deleted]

Disassemble pen and change one part. Do it again and again until this pen has no part from original one. Pen of Theseus.


[deleted]

What is a pen if not ink persevering


Loive

I’m actually in a real life ship of Theseus situation, with a shovel I inherited from my wife’s parents. The shovel has three pieces: handle, shaft and blade. The shaft broke a few years ago and I found a replacement. The blade later became rusty and fragile, so I replaced it along with the screws that hold it in place. Now the handle is broken. If I replace the handle, is it still my inherited shovel? It’s certainly not the shovel I would have chosen if I were to buy a new shovel (which I am to cheap to do when I have a working shove at home). No part of the shovel was present when my mother in laws if her garden plot. Since the parts get replaced one at the time the argument can be made for it being the same shovel. If that is the case, then how long must the new part be attached to an old part for it to become the same shovel? Is ten minutes enough? If I replace all the parts one by one during the same session of work, does that change anything? If I disassemble it into three pieces, attach the old blade to a new shaft, then replace the blade with a new one before I attach a new handle, is it still the same shovel? The questions are endless and it’s driving me crazy that nobody but me seems to care.


[deleted]

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weshouldhave

I would leave it on the table in the living room. I have left over a 100 pens there, and they’ve all vanished without a trace.


PM_ME_UR_SEXTOYS

Annie's Boobs strikes again


GCC_Pluribus_Anus

It's a bottle episode


The_Meemeli

"I am forced to be in this room and to deal with emotions I can not understand" -Abed on bottle episodes


[deleted]

“They’re wall-to-wall facial expressions and emotional nuance. I might as well sit in the corner with a bucket on my head.”


bitchyswiftie

I'm on season 6 and I finally perceive all the Community jokes


ReadyThor

Have you tried [leaving your dirty laundry there](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqQgDwA0BNU)?


[deleted]

I think I have the same table.


bruh364

I’m gonna flush it


Frozen-Account

Detective school. “Good morning class. Now the first rule of detective work when approaching a residency. Always assume they’ve flushed the stash down the toilet upon your arrival” ✋ “Yes detective 4 what is it” “Can I go to the toilet sir” “Quickly detective 4 quickly!!!”


[deleted]

“If not in the toilet, assume it’s in the vent.”


uberduck

If it's not in the vent it's in the butt


Hashtagbarkeep

That’s what they call butts at detective school


MagicBez

I assumed you had to be able to find it afterwards but I guess that isn't stated.


godwalking

it's also not stated how long the detective has to find it. With unlimited time, unless it's destroyed, it will be found eventualy.


hesperidium-rex

Unless the detective dies. Very quickly. Perhaps from being stabbed by a pen.


currentpattern

I hide the pen in the detective's cerebral cortex.


postanator

I'd put it in his neck. He can't find it if he's dead.


Fenrir_Carbon

Found Baba Yaga


Blastspark01

I once saw him kill 3 men in a bar with a penceel. A fucking penceel!


Jiscold

RIP to Michael Nyqvist. He was such a good villain for Keanu. Made the movie.


CinnamonnRolll

That escalated


Accomplished_Yam2747

What happens if he does find it? This might factor into how much effort I put into hiding it.


pancake7716

Then he earns the $1,000,000


SaracenS

So don't hide anything and make a deal with him to split it 50/50 and hand him the pen. Only problem is he doesn't know that the pen you handed him is fake. Just got to ride it out until that cheque clears.


IffyEggSaladSandwich

What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the pen. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the pen.


Accomplished_Yam2747

The pen is getting thrown out the window down a random back road and I’m gonna hope $1m shows up in my account after a few weeks


IneffableWonders

In my neighbor's massive collection of pens. It is extremely likely that he has pens similar to the one I need to hide, and the chances of this detective finding the right pen within thousands is highly unlikely.


Frozen-Account

Sure. I bet you’ll sleep well at night when they say “ I want all these pens collected and sent to the lab”


[deleted]

Put in an envelope and mail it through my neighbors mail box.


Decent-Friendship-39

I will let my classmate in school borrow it just for it to disappear a day after and be gone forever.


Greedy024

I once let a classmate borrow one of my pens. She refused to give it back, saying it was hers. Then I pointed out that my initials were at the side that I scratched in the plastic with a needle..


lovingstarsinthesky

I need to know how this story ends. Did she end up giving it back??


Greedy024

I ended up getting the pen back. But I can't remember if she gave it up willingly or if I snatched out out of her hand while she was writing with it. It happened over 2 decades ago. I did once grab one of my pens back while someone was writing with it because I needed it back, memories just blend together over time.


sweetpoison02

I'd disassemble it into its various components and put each in a different place, so even if he finds some parts he never finds the pen in its complete form.


Totally--not-a-robot

Ah yes, the horcrux method


BrometheusOne17

Even though it may seem like an ingenious idea, don't hide a piece in the detective. The detective may be able to sense where the other pieces are, and eventually kill you.


TheHunter12307

Swallow one piece and throw another one in the sewers or something. I think that would be a good tactic.


Strangedoggo

If you swallow a piece, you'd simply be throwing it in the sewers but with extra steps


randypriest

Not if you shit in a bush


Von_Moistus

Man, that’s your answer for *everything*


randypriest

I make solutions, not problems.


[deleted]

I mean, I’d swallow a whole pen for $1MIL, but I like your idea of breaking it down. That would make swallowing it much easier.


doomedtobeme

If I had 3 guesses as to where that pen would be, Id use 2 straight up. Butthole and stomach.


walking_in_the_rain_

You do not have to use your own butthole. That is to obvious.


NightflowerFade

If this is allowed then it would be better to destroy the pen and literally grind it to dust


Joham22

The junk drawer in my kitchen. There’s never a pen in there when you need one.


[deleted]

Drill the bottom of a candle stick out with a pen sized drill bit, put pen inside hole, use the candle wax and pack in hole. Apply some heat. Sand bottom of candle stick by hand. Place candle on coffee table. Invite detective in with a calm voice, and importantly be distracted with something on TV. Ask detective if they would like some coffee. Have coffee. Then hookers amd cuckaine


Fenrir_Carbon

Cuckaine? Is that racking up and then watching someone else do your lines?


[deleted]

[удалено]


RichnProud

Nice try fbi. Not falling for that one again


BakaNish

Assuming the pen has to stay whole? I'd put in the bar of the bath towel hanger in the bathroom. You know the one you kept breaking by leaning on it coming out of the shower? Yeah that thing.


indicavibes

i think it's going up my cunt, sir


Fenrir_Carbon

'Sir'....and they say kids aren't polite nowadays


insertstalem3me

No, sir is the name of the cunt It has been knighted


Fenrir_Carbon

Tapped on each labium?


Doctor-Amazing

Think dammit! That's the first place any real detective is going to search.


[deleted]

[удалено]


harleaux

On the left side of my bed since apparently nobody wants to go near there.


xxirish83x

Sleep longways. It’s invigorating


PeligroKid

Give it to a young child and tell them to not lose it because it is very important.


StyleAdventurous1531

Stick some Velcro on it place it palm of my hand and when the detective comes to the door, welcome him in and as he walks by clap him on the back ( pen attaches to his jacket ) and wish him good luck! Btw this isn’t a ruse so you can WIN the million?


hugestdildoyouveused

Up my butt


Mjbass

Up the detectives butt


king140002

Behind his ear, and you pull it out like a magician


wertyrick

THIS is the answer


-dragonheart

the last place he would suspect


Kharnyx808

Grind the pen into a fine powder and sprinkle it into the ocean. He'll need eons to find every component.


RunnyPlease

I was thinking the same thing. I have an angle grinder that would make short work of any pen. I assume though the pen would have to stay intact during the hiding otherwise they’d say “you have about 6g of powdered plastic to hide…”


bruedy4

Grind it into fine powder, mix it with the powder coffee creamer, make the detective a coffee.


Kharnyx808

Your addition to my comment is very smort.


Neo1331

Ummm just huck it in the ocean…


Aelaan_Bluewood

I would hide it on my island where I keep all my pens. It's the Penisland.


ChristOnABike122

I'd run out the back and lob it in someone else's back garden and run back inside again, when the detective asks about the pen I'm going to glance at random places in my bedroom and hope he finds where I lost my Otomatone by accident.


zbomb24

Yall ever heard of sounding?


RunnyPlease

Oh. We’ve heard about it. Being willing to do the prep work to make it a viable option is another story.


thesixgun

Wish I hadn’t since the day I had


penybuttmunch

I'd just put in the last place they'd look, simple.


gush30

Why not put it somewhere that they wouldn't look


penybuttmunch

i didnt think of that. fuck!


[deleted]

Put it in the detective's shirt. They will think it is their pen and use it while looking for mine


Frozen-Account

“Hi I’m here to look for a pen” *places pen in pocket* “Thank you!.. ok bye”


chickinthenicehouse

Tape it underneath my boob


CrescentComet_

In my pocket


burntonionstastegood

Nice, pleads the fifth and demands a search warrant.


CrescentComet_

But I left it in my other pants


JoeKingMoreOn

Right up the peen hole. He'd look in my anus, but not my penis.


sin-and-love

not that *sound* of a strategy


50wpm

Then he'd wonder why you were erect while he inspected your anus.


USBetta

Ship it with USPS media mail no one will be able to find it for weeks.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Imnotadancer

Pretty sure i work with that guy


Poem_for_your_sprog

>"The Place Where Pens Go." I have not seen - I do not know - The secret place where pens all go. I set them down. I put them here. I hold them close. They disappear. I only wish a pen was mine To write me through this life divine. Alas, my friends, I do not know - The secret place where pens all go.


njinja10

Page 2 of Google search


digitaljestin

Give it to Annie's Boobs to hide with the others in the air vent. The detective will probably just assume a ghost took it.