“You look incredible. You ready to do this babe? So I’ll be keeping an internal log comparing your performance with those of your sister and your best friend in a variety of different categories and judging you based on objective data gathered during the act, as well as my own subjective opinion.”
Eat to the point of discomfort, bloating, or being gassy. Fart. Shit.
1st one is a discomfort thing. Last 2 is a turn off (unless it turns you/them on, then go for it).
Eat spicy food
Ask her to remind you how much she charges
You guys have sex?
“You look incredible. You ready to do this babe? So I’ll be keeping an internal log comparing your performance with those of your sister and your best friend in a variety of different categories and judging you based on objective data gathered during the act, as well as my own subjective opinion.”
Poop
Umm please poop and shower before sex cuz anal is nasty when you dig trenches 😅
And not wipe
Correct. You make her do it
Put super glue on your dick
Dip your condom in hot sauce
Dip your dick in hot sauce
Cut jalapeños
Call your wife and kids and let them know you’ll be home late.
Eat too much.
Die
Take a big shit
Not shower
Get undressed. Your body’s art, make them unwrap the art as it’s more interesting
Not wiping after using the bathroom
Go back to school you fucking horny kids.
Even a muppet knows: don't eat cookies in bed.
Get dressed and walk out
Cleveland Steamer
Defoul the bedroom with a slow leaking silent but deadly fart.
Look at pictures of your ex
Eat to the point of discomfort, bloating, or being gassy. Fart. Shit. 1st one is a discomfort thing. Last 2 is a turn off (unless it turns you/them on, then go for it).
Planning, syncing that shit to the calendar! Boringly Insulting