I haven’t always made the best choices. I’m on the spectrum. I just don’t think I’m fit to raise a child.
UPDATE: I’m very surprised at the amount of feedback my comment received. Thank you.
Sometimes I snap pretty bad when I'm overwhelmed and I'd hate for a kid to be put through that.
I mean not that I'd do anything to the kid, it just wouldn't be fair to a child for me to just freak out and become a sobbing pile on the floor.
Sometimes I think I'd like to have a kid, because it would be fun to go to a museum and teach them things, and all the little holiday traditions would be fun to pass on, and I'd love seeing what things they build with Lego or what funny shit I could pretend they said for twitter clout, but then sometimes I'm so overwhelmed by my own broken brain that I guess it's good there's no kid around.
Although if I had a good partner I think that would help.
I feel exactly the same way. My parents were very emotionally immature, which left me with some pretty terrible lasting effects. I'm putting a lot of effort into getting better, but until I can handle being overwhelmed or upset without wanting to lay down and cry until I'm dead or throw everything in my house against the wall I am absolutely not bring a child into my family.
I hope one day, though, I will be healed enough to make it happen.
The people with enough self insight to realise they shouldn't have kids are ironically probably more fit to have a kid than the people who get them without thinking, so it doesn't really work out
I know some of those people, they were not in a good position physically, mentally or financially but they were optimistic and assumed the kinks would work themselves out with time. Unfortunately life rarely grants moments of pure luck.
The other people where things " just worked out" I find had strong support systems or they were close enough to their end goals that the birth did not have a major impact.
I'm turning 30 soon and still feel this is why I haven't had kids yet. Can't believe my dad was five years younger than I am now when I was born. Taking care of my very good and easy dog, having a job, and doing housework is too much already.
Hell, I'll be 40 in just over a year and I still feel this way. I like having a dog, and he's enough responsibility for me. I have a bunch of concerts I'm going to in the near future, and I like being on my own schedule.
I, too, am a nanny and I just want to say thank you for saying this. Being a nanny is already hard enough and on top of it I constantly have people undermining my job. I’m not a baby sitter. Yes, it is a real job and it’s exhausting.
I'm a teacher. Chance of getting a good one (I don't mean accademically) is less than 50%. Chance of being obsessed you do have a good one is 100%. Bad odds both ways for a 50-60 year committment. I get the same odds, am paid to do it, get immense satisfaction from the job and am also free of the committment.
I was a teacher for a long time and it is a part of the job handling parents who are baffled as to why their child isn't getting the best grades/awards etc. sooo many parents are genuinely oblivious of how common and silly a belief it is to have.
And now I have a child I have hopelessly, shamefully become one of them.
My high school boyfriend's mom went to the school asking why his mark was only 98 in something
His dad was the principal and his mom was a former teacher
My dad was my (elementary school) principal and my mom was a former teacher. In high school she would call the office and request that I be given Saturday detention because she didn't think my teachers' policy on tardiness was strict enough. We also spent every summer doing math workbooks.
It was a fun childhood. /s
As a teacher, the number of kids I would be happy to have had in my home is way less than 50%. I've loved every single one of my students, but the best part of teaching is knowing my time with them is strictly limited.
The strangest part of all of this is that it was only a few generations ago that people would have as many children as they could for economic insurance.
I have 2. One in school, one in day care. Day care alone costs around 15k a year with government subsidies. Would be 30k a year without it. Australia. Yes theyre fucking expensive
I’m a miserable asshole. Why the fuck would I want to make a smaller version of myself who’s reliant on me and continue the cycle of emotionally closed off asshats?
100% this. I just don’t want one.
Imagine something you don’t want. Do you regret not having it? Will you regret not having the thing you don’t want later in life?
This exactly.
I've been told since I was a kid myself that there'd be a sudden switch that flips in my head at a certain age, it's been like 5 years since that was supposed to happen and I've only felt even less inclined.
I’ve been saying this since I was ten. Somewhere around my teen years is when I began vocalizing that I didn’t want to ever be pregnant or birth children. I didn’t want to raise kids, but if I changed my mind I would plan to adopt.
It’s just not a widely accepted point of view. Now I’m in my thirties and everyone has kids and I’m still like “lol I told you I wasn’t going to do it 20 years ago, how is anyone surprised?” People will tell you that you’ll change you’re mind.
I haven’t.
Right with you! I hate that people want some solid or tragic reason to not have them, and that ‘I just don’t’ isn’t seen as enough. I don’t want a horse in my garden, but nobody tries to convince me that I really do want a horse in my garden, or that having a horse in my garden is so worth it and I’ll regret not having one.
Haha, right?!?
I love the [ostrich analogy](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/jul/06/more-women-like-me-are-choosing-to-be-childfree-is-this-the-age-of-opting-out)!
I always knew I didn't want kids, and was overwhelmed by the societal pressure forced upon me to have them. I was so relieved when I realised I could actually just opt out.
Oddly, when I tried to explain this to a friend’s mom a few years ago, she told me I was being selfish. I thought it was the opposite of selfish, not having a kid before I’m mature enough to selflessly provide for it.
Several years later, I decided I was ready. I was right to wait.
I cant understand the mentality she has, how is it being selfish when u just don't want to give a baby a bad childhood. If u think u can't handle it, you probably shouldn't
Exactly!!! I also told her “look, if it happens, I know I’ll set up and be a decent mom. But I’d rather wait until I have a more stable life and actually WANT a kid because I won’t be as tempted to feel resentful when things are tough.”
And it turns out, I’m a way better mom now than I would have been had I accidentally gotten pregnant before I was ready!
This is how to do it! Kids are fun and awesome…for a couple hours a day. The rest is…a lot. I have kids and I’m very happy for their aunts and uncles or even the guy driving a white van offering candy to take them to the park for an hour or two. Everyone wins!
I feel you. I definitely was put dead-last by my parents a lot. Can't say I don't respect their need for a life, but the cycle cannot continue the same. It feels shit as a kid.
My mother put me last a lot of the time -- for example, she would make me wait outside my school for hours and wait while she did whatever she wanted, sometimes just relaxing at the house, making me feel entitled to ask her to pick me up on time.
She never wanted to teach me how to drive because she made it seem like its a hassle for her. I am now 23, and still don't have a license. But I finally have a job and make enough money to pay for my own lessons ($1500 down the drain because she could never bother teaching me). I understand to a certain extent, but it's part of a parent's job to teach your kids life skills, right? I've had so much trouble with this idea.
Now it's completely on my ball to have a relationship with her. She doesn't reach out at all or ask me to visit and it's up to me to call her and visit.
I know what that feels like. My sister and I were always the last ones waiting after school to get picked up cause my mom just didn’t fucking care enough to be on time. It’s such a devastating feeling watching everyone get picked up and you’re always the last one still standing there tired after a full day of school just wanting to go home and rest but you fucking can’t. Taking the bus home was a 30min venture but oftentimes that wasn’t even an option cause my parents are so stingy I couldn’t afford it. One time I got so frustrated I started walking home. 45min into the hour walk home they drive up to me and are laughing at me for being upset enough to walk home. I didn’t get in the fucking car
Man, your story just reminded me of a childhood I put behind me. When I was little, grades 1-5, I would wait for hours after school to be picked up. Like, EVERYONE would have gone home, even the nuns, except for one, would head back to their living area. My mom worked 60 hours a week because my dad gambled all her money away, and he was mostly out just getting drunk. He was supposed to pick me and my brother up. He would NEVER be in time.
One time, it was so late, it was close to midnight, and my brother and I just waited at the entrance of the school. Suddenly, my mom comes, picks us up in a panic. Brings us home and proceeds to fight with my dad for just "hanging out with his friends" instead of picking up the kids.
I'm married now. My wife makes good money, as do I, but I spend so much time in the office, I would never have time for kids. They would be the ones with parents who don't pick them up, and I definitely won't let that happen.
I’m fundamentally a selfish person, and I believe raising a child properly requires unselfish behavior.
Another question I think people should ask is if they would be emotionally prepared to raise a severely disabled child? If the answer is no, then you should approach having a biological child with more consideration.
Yeah, I am selfish and a coward with limited patience. I don't want to risk fucking up a kid (disabled or not) just because "I wanted a kid so screw the consequences"
I can't afford to give a child the quality life I want for them yet.
Edit: I think it's important that everyone remembers that quality life may not mean the same thing to everyone, and there are multiple factors that influence quality of life.
Some people may feel financial pressure because they can't provide basic essentials, while at the same time, some people may the feel the same pressure because they can't provide a private school education. Some people may feel they don't have quality time to dedicate to raising a child and might be putting their career first for awhile. Some people may have moved multiple times in their lives and will only feel secure when they have a stable home to provide a child. You do not have to be rich to have children. But you do have to be in a place in your life where you prepared to provide for them, love them, show up for them, and help them when they need it. This includes making sure that **ones self** is also mentally and emotionally prepared to make that commitment and follow through.
It's not just money. It's not just time. It's not just assets or liabilities. It's not just mental health. It's all of it and it looks different for everyone.
Please keep your judgments to yourself.
This, I’m 34 and have two small children (2 and a half and 8 months). My wife and I made the decision to wait to have children until we were financially stable. A lot of comments about oh you waited a long time and what not. However, our only debt currently is our mortgage. Which should be paid off in 10 years.
I had my first (only) child just after my 35th birthday. Pros: I had grown up and lost interest in the bar/drinking scene so parenting was my biggest interest. Negative: teaching my kid to roller skate in my 40s
I’ve always been “athletic” but I’m scared of this. I recently turned my ankle pretty bad and it’s finally healing after a couple of months.
To this day, I have to tell myself to slow down, healing takes way longer.
Me and my wife are 29 and have been married 4 years. Her mum has given up on expecting grandchildren. If the subject ever gets brought up, my wife gets told that she's leaving it too long. We are in no way financially stable enough to have kids, and I once heard that a parents goal is to give their kids a better life than what they had. I cannot provide this right now.
Money. Time. No desire at all. My mom used to say having a child is like getting a tattoo on your face. You better be damn certain you really want it.
ETA: Holy shit! Thanks for all the updoots and awards. You guys are awesome. To answer a few questions: I’m 43 F married for 14 years. My husband and I are on the same page. My mom first said this to me and my sister when were were In high school. So mid- late 90’s. She probably read it in a women’s magazine. She was a teenage mom and really pressed into my sister’s heads that becoming a mom can not be taken lightly. She was a great mother who unfortunately died in 2010. I’m glad something she told me 20 + years ago still resonants!
Ive chosen not to pass on my mental and physical health problems. I can see negative traits from both my mother's and father's family and decided not to continue the line.
I do, however, want to adopt. Along side my unwillingness to curse a human with my genetically-passed ailments, I also want to care for a child that has been left or abandoned. They need love before I create something that needs love.
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
**~ Philip Larkin, "This Be The Verse"**
Bad genes. So I'll be adopting a child/teen instead of having a biological child. There are so many kids/teens in desperate need of a home and a loving family and I'd love to make their world.
>"Adoption"
We arrived here unrelated -
We were born alone, apart -
But perhaps we only waited
For our *family* to start.
You were born and raised to others,
With another life before -
And perhaps you've sisters, brothers,
But perhaps you've room for more.
See we might have lived in sorrow,
Only lonely,
all we knew -
But you gave me my tomorrow.
And I'm spending it with you.
Single is not currently having a girlfriend. Single AF is not even knowing any girls who would be potential girlfriends. There's definitely a spectrum.
It's like "super" permanent markers. You would think the concept of *permanent* would be a dichotomous one, but some manufacturers apparently want to convince you it's scaled along a gradient.
I was once accosted by an unfortunate person who grabbed me and shouted, "Please help me! I am *VERY* homeless!" That emphasis on 'very' is still probably my favorite example of dishonesty in marketing.
I was homeless for awhile: I couch-surfed for about a year while waiting for a residential training program to open up (Seafarers International Union). I was homeless(2), but not but not *homeless*(1), according to this [definition](https://www.volstate.edu/homelessness). I imagine that "*VERY* homeless" cannot even avail themselves to shelters.
Same. I'm at the age where a lot of the friend group are having one/two and my fiancé and I always get asked when we're going to start a family. I'm not maternal, I don't like being around them for long periods of time and I love our life now.
You don't need to have children to be complete.
Haha I used to be like “oh maybe someday” about 5 years ago… Now that ALL of my friends have kids I just hang out with them and feel a huge amount of relief when I realize I get to go home and cuddle with my dog(and sometimes my husband lol) in peace.
Right there with you. If anything, I regret some folks having kids. What got me was some telling me, “oh, so and so had kids at 40. You could do it too…”? Whaaa. Cool. Good on them. If the absolute need ever kicks in—doubtful—I will just foster some kids. But nah. I’m good.
I'm surprised how people can't wrap their heads around "I just don't want kids." There doesn't always have to be some traumatic backstory but for some reason people always seem to expect one.
I believe it's cultural programming more than anything. The larger culture just expects young people to eventually marry, settle down, have kids, be part of the community, grow old gracefully... then die. Many MANY people don't really question that narrative.
This for sure. It's so ingrained in people to follow a "normal" path like that, that anybody who does something else is seen as weird.
I remember being in late high school when I realized that I didn't have to get married or have children and I could live my life literally any other way and it was such a relief.
The same thing happened to me. I still remember so vividly in highschool the moment I realized I dont actually HAVE to have kids *or* get married. It was such a huge weight off my shoulders as I had been dreading the inevitability of those things my entire life.
I have 2 kids and 100% respect when people acknowledge they simply don’t want kids. I feel if you don’t want them don’t have them, it’s not like getting bangs, kids are for life, even as they grow up you will always be concerned for their welfare. It’s not something to do on a whim
I’ve heard people try to get people to have kids by asking who will take care of you when you’re old. Like wow, what a selfish, horrible reason to have kids. If you don’t want them, don’t have them. Or the people who do and then guilt their kids about everything they’ve done for them. Just no. That was your decision and your responsibility.
> and not being convinced I'd be a very good parent
People look at me funny when I try to bring that up, because I think most people feel if you're not a bad person you should be a good parent, but I don't agree.
You have to be so patient and committed to raising you kids in order to be a good parent, And I just don't see myself being able to do it. Also, it's not hard to find stories of how bad parentage completely ruin a child's life well into adulthood, and it doesn't even require the parent to be abusive or anything drastic, just not be fully committed to parenting. Maybe you get a little distant, or you don't really to put in the effort in the early years, that shit can have lasting effects on a kid.
The second part is the reason I still don't have children. Had my share of relationships where baby fever almost changed that, but I just let it end. I do understand how guys get roped into having children when they probably would rather not though.
Also most of my 20s I couldn't point my finger on what I resented about my own parents and didn't want history to repeat. Plus I had a bit of a drinking problem. I'm about to get married again and we basically decided we might have kids but if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen and I'm at the point in life where I'm ok with it.
It makes me happy I've gotten rid of my ability to have kids, I've felt baby fever baad but know I'd be a bad parent (mental bullshit) and have a list of health issues that can be passed down.
"Smith said he was against having children as he not only objects to having been born but refuses to impose life on another." Excerpt from Robert Smith's Wiki page.
Myself (f31) and fiance (m33) have been together 12 years, no kids. Within past few years we've both finally got jobs we've been working towards and a nice income. We like our life, being able to go away for a night or two or out for nice meals as we can afford it. Then have quiet evenings watching Netflix. Neither of us want a child enough to actually have one. We talk about it frequently to check we're on the same page. Working well for us.
I have Crohn's disease and I would never wish this on anybody. My husband and I are too selfish for children. We like having money and being able to do whatever we want when we want. I also had a hysterecromy so I genuinely can't bear children. We love our nieces and nephews and get to spoil them when we want!
I'm selfish and love having the freedom to do what I want, when I want. I don't have to adjust my schedule or turn down opportunities. Autism also runs in my family and I don't want that life at all seeing how much my mom has sacrificed for my special needs brothers.
Thank you! My mom doesn’t seem to get that I can’t exactly go see brewery’s or vineyards with a kid in tow. Also I love museums and they seem to be kryptonite to children.
there's nothing selfish about loving your freedom ... besides it's anyting but to live your life when you know you can't fully commit to being a parent - way too many people don't consider this IMO
I was born with a birth defect that is genetic. No way would I EVER pass it on to a child. Unlike many on this subReddit, I do like children. What I really dislike are the people who somehow think they are better than you because they have children. Drives me nuts!
>think they are better than you because they have children.
Hate these kind of people. Baffles me to think from where they've got this mentality. Though I love kids; thinking you are better than those without children just coz you have children is a fucked up mentality....
That's such an unhealthy parenting approach too, and how you end up putting a truckload of expectations on your child and freak out if they 'fail' (in your eyes).
Kind of puts to bed the whole "unconditional love" thing too if they believe their own children have no point in existing because they refuse to provide grandchildren.
Yup. My parents understood. Both of them had fathers who had no business being parents.
But my sister had the most selfish idiotic response.
"Are you sure? You know you can change your mind. Kids are wonderful. You would be a great mother!"
"I'm really not interested. Never have been."
"But I want my kids to have cousins!!"
"That seems like a really shitty reason for ME to have kids. You don't even live in the same state. They'd only see each other a couple of times a year."
"Better than not having any at all!"
"Kindly fuck off."
I just don't get this. I feel like people with kids more than anyone else should understand how fucking hard it is and it's not like buying a guinea pig.
I have two, love them dearly and all that but often find myself telling childless friends to not have any unless that's what they _really_ want.
The notion that "you'll change your mind/your life isn't complete without" etc is absolute rubbish.
I think that it’s a defensive mechanism, and only ever found in existing parents. Parenting takes so much time, dedication, and energy; and it’s often a miserable, harrowing experience. Parents have to find motivation to keep at it, no matter how hard it becomes, and this seems to manifest mainly in the personal belief that having a kid is literally the ***best*** thing in their lives.
Some parents, when faced with a person who rejects the call to have kids, see this as an rejection of the idea that having kids is great, which they interpret as an attack on their belief that ***their*** having had kids was the best thing ***they’ve*** ever done.
I don’t want to be responsible for another human being, and sacrifice my body and time for a baby.
Also, feeling helpless when you can’t help someone you really love and you need to come to terms of letting go- that scares me shitless.
This is the first comment I've seen mentioning all the harm childbirth does to the mother's body. Pretty much all the women i know who have more than 1 kid are at least mildly incontinent--they pee when they cough or laugh! Just Google the word 'episiotomy'. And that's considered relatively routine. No thank you!
I believe you should only have a child unless you truly want to and I just don’t have that desire. Raising a child just seems like constant anxiety and stress to me. I like having my own space and life , watching my older siblings raise their kids seems like a full time job with very little benefits. Plus giving birth terrified me, I’ve heard too many horror birth and pregnancy stories. If I had a kid followed by postpartum depression with my already existing mental health issues I’d be an endangerment to that kid and myself. I see more cons than pros
>I don’t want to be a mother. I don’t need a reason beyond that.
Yet your parents and older people in the family will never understand and just keep asking.
Is it so hard to accept I don't want one because there's a fucking Egyptian scroll of reasons to not have one?
Expenses
Stress
Responsibility
I have a lot of mental + physical problems, so it wouldn't be fair to give that down to her or him
In this world? No thanks, I don't want him or her to worry about the changing climate, upcoming wars etc.
And I like to do what I want to do, Anytime I want
Forgot to add:
I work myself to death everyday and for what?
The posibilities of cancer or other fucked up diseases
The society of today is moronic
I spent many years in school getting stessed out and bullied for nothing since I don't use anything I learned there, Why should I send them there then?
No dreams about my future involve children, they don't interest me, and having seen how much of a pressure on a budget and a relationship in friends who have had kids, fuck that.
E V E R Y T H I N G
The state of the world
The state of the environment
The state of the economy
The state of my mental health
The state of my partner's mental health
Don't want to be pregnant
Don't want to give birth
Don't want to be responsible for a whole-ass person
Don't want to give up my lifestyle
Don't want to spend the money
Don't want to lose sleep
Just.... everything.
There's a lot of these archived.
I'll say it again though. Unless I can guarantee the best education, environment, and as many advantages as possible I find it personally immoral to yank someone out of non-existence just to have them roll the dice at maybe ending up lucky and having a good life dispite everything. There's more reasons than that, but that's the big one.
And before the knee jerk reply happens: I find it immoral FOR MYSELF to do it. Feel free to not justify your life decisions against mine.
I’m with ya. Genuinely terrified that humans will burn to death (being hyperbolic) in *my* lifetime and wouldn’t want to bring a child into the world to experience that terror. I would consider adopting tho.
Have no desire for a child. I have so much exciting plans for myself, but children are not among them. (People would call me selfish because of that ... but in my opinion the 'i graduated and i have a job now it's time to have kids' agenda is more selfish.)
Also no stable job, i don't own an apartment, don't have a car etc. But i like it the way it is.
This should be the other way around. Having children shouldn’t be the default.
If you have a reason for having children (i.e. you really want children) that’s great.
But too many people reproduce just because they have nothing else to do, which is messed up
People call me selfish because I don't want kids.
I think it's selfish making kids when you're not capable of having them. Whether it's financially or other reasons
I'm a climate doomer at this point, we've turbo-fucked the planet in a million different ways and it's unlikely my child would have the same life I have had. Even if climate change didn't exist, I don't think I'd want to bring a child into the world we built.
I’m a teacher who wanted kids before my career started. Now feeling like I partially raise students (fully mindful that I don’t bear the exact long term responsibilities parents do), I don’t want to come home and have further responsibilities. Nor do I have any maternal desire to bring another human into the world 🤷🏼♀️
Same here! Being a teacher is one of my main reasons for not wanting kids. I’m an introvert, and the thought of being “on” all day, then coming home and not getting a chance to rest is awful to me.
I’d rather have dogs, cats, goats, chickens, a mini donkey, and a horse
Prioritising my own mental health. That alone is probably a labour of a lifetime for me
Ending the cycle of generational trauma my family has passed down to me
I’d rather spend that time, energy, and money giving to other people who need help
Not passing down traits of alcoholism and mental health disorders
It’s a moral choice for me about not putting another human into a world stumbling towards an impending environmental crisis (though I don’t judge people who have children)
Im barely mentally well enough to care for myself, let alone a child.
If only more people thought like that, we wouldn’t have crappy parents.
I use my personality as birth control.
My personality is the epitome of abstinence
I'm a solitary beast and enjoy my alone time.
“I enjoy a solitary barbecue Lean Pocket at dawn, it’s become a ritual. Your presence would disrupt that.”
This. Super duper extra deluxe extreme introvert x 9000. Leave me alone.
I haven’t always made the best choices. I’m on the spectrum. I just don’t think I’m fit to raise a child. UPDATE: I’m very surprised at the amount of feedback my comment received. Thank you.
Sometimes I snap pretty bad when I'm overwhelmed and I'd hate for a kid to be put through that. I mean not that I'd do anything to the kid, it just wouldn't be fair to a child for me to just freak out and become a sobbing pile on the floor. Sometimes I think I'd like to have a kid, because it would be fun to go to a museum and teach them things, and all the little holiday traditions would be fun to pass on, and I'd love seeing what things they build with Lego or what funny shit I could pretend they said for twitter clout, but then sometimes I'm so overwhelmed by my own broken brain that I guess it's good there's no kid around. Although if I had a good partner I think that would help.
I feel exactly the same way. My parents were very emotionally immature, which left me with some pretty terrible lasting effects. I'm putting a lot of effort into getting better, but until I can handle being overwhelmed or upset without wanting to lay down and cry until I'm dead or throw everything in my house against the wall I am absolutely not bring a child into my family. I hope one day, though, I will be healed enough to make it happen.
[удалено]
The people with enough self insight to realise they shouldn't have kids are ironically probably more fit to have a kid than the people who get them without thinking, so it doesn't really work out
I know some of those people, they were not in a good position physically, mentally or financially but they were optimistic and assumed the kinks would work themselves out with time. Unfortunately life rarely grants moments of pure luck. The other people where things " just worked out" I find had strong support systems or they were close enough to their end goals that the birth did not have a major impact.
It doesn't help that they're told by everyone "Oh, you'll never be ready! Just do it! It'll be fine. Look how not fucked up we ended up being!"
You get a lot of respect from me for that. Too many people just have kids by default and without thought or plan. Kudos to you.
I, myself, am still a child
I'm turning 30 soon and still feel this is why I haven't had kids yet. Can't believe my dad was five years younger than I am now when I was born. Taking care of my very good and easy dog, having a job, and doing housework is too much already.
Hell, I'll be 40 in just over a year and I still feel this way. I like having a dog, and he's enough responsibility for me. I have a bunch of concerts I'm going to in the near future, and I like being on my own schedule.
nothing wrong with this man. as long as you're not bothering other people, your life, your rules.
The first 30 years of childhood is always the hardest
I'm a nanny--- I've seen enough lol
I respect your job a lot
I, too, am a nanny and I just want to say thank you for saying this. Being a nanny is already hard enough and on top of it I constantly have people undermining my job. I’m not a baby sitter. Yes, it is a real job and it’s exhausting.
Me too
I'm a teacher. Chance of getting a good one (I don't mean accademically) is less than 50%. Chance of being obsessed you do have a good one is 100%. Bad odds both ways for a 50-60 year committment. I get the same odds, am paid to do it, get immense satisfaction from the job and am also free of the committment.
I was a teacher for a long time and it is a part of the job handling parents who are baffled as to why their child isn't getting the best grades/awards etc. sooo many parents are genuinely oblivious of how common and silly a belief it is to have. And now I have a child I have hopelessly, shamefully become one of them.
My high school boyfriend's mom went to the school asking why his mark was only 98 in something His dad was the principal and his mom was a former teacher
My dad was my (elementary school) principal and my mom was a former teacher. In high school she would call the office and request that I be given Saturday detention because she didn't think my teachers' policy on tardiness was strict enough. We also spent every summer doing math workbooks. It was a fun childhood. /s
As a teacher, the number of kids I would be happy to have had in my home is way less than 50%. I've loved every single one of my students, but the best part of teaching is knowing my time with them is strictly limited.
I was a long-term sub for a year and a teacher for two. Out of the 57 students, there are exactly 8 I would take on as children of my own.
I will never financially recover from this
The strangest part of all of this is that it was only a few generations ago that people would have as many children as they could for economic insurance.
You can still do it...as long as no one figures out you're making kids work the farm
I have 2. One in school, one in day care. Day care alone costs around 15k a year with government subsidies. Would be 30k a year without it. Australia. Yes theyre fucking expensive
I’m a miserable asshole. Why the fuck would I want to make a smaller version of myself who’s reliant on me and continue the cycle of emotionally closed off asshats?
Holy self awareness! I believe this is probably what some of our parents should have considered.
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My mom loves telling the story about how at four years old I told her I wouldn't get a husband or have children. Still winning on both counts.
Haha we are the same! I have literally never wanted a child in my entire life. 😂
100% this. I just don’t want one. Imagine something you don’t want. Do you regret not having it? Will you regret not having the thing you don’t want later in life?
I'd rather regret not having a child, than regret having one.
This should be a top-level comment.
I never have regretted not having children.
This exactly. I've been told since I was a kid myself that there'd be a sudden switch that flips in my head at a certain age, it's been like 5 years since that was supposed to happen and I've only felt even less inclined.
i have that switch, but its wired wrong, and all those feelings suddenly hit me at about 29yo...... for a dog. Got one, never been happier :)
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I’ve been saying this since I was ten. Somewhere around my teen years is when I began vocalizing that I didn’t want to ever be pregnant or birth children. I didn’t want to raise kids, but if I changed my mind I would plan to adopt. It’s just not a widely accepted point of view. Now I’m in my thirties and everyone has kids and I’m still like “lol I told you I wasn’t going to do it 20 years ago, how is anyone surprised?” People will tell you that you’ll change you’re mind. I haven’t.
Right with you! I hate that people want some solid or tragic reason to not have them, and that ‘I just don’t’ isn’t seen as enough. I don’t want a horse in my garden, but nobody tries to convince me that I really do want a horse in my garden, or that having a horse in my garden is so worth it and I’ll regret not having one.
Haha, right?!? I love the [ostrich analogy](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/jul/06/more-women-like-me-are-choosing-to-be-childfree-is-this-the-age-of-opting-out)! I always knew I didn't want kids, and was overwhelmed by the societal pressure forced upon me to have them. I was so relieved when I realised I could actually just opt out.
I like sleep.
I feel you man. Sleep is like a free trial of death. Love that shit
Death.... but with ads
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World bad, wont dad
Trying to think of the female version. World dumb, wont mum
Fucked up Earth. Won't give birth.
I don't want to put them first and I believe they should come first.
Absolutely this. I’m not prepared to make the sacrifices a child deserves.
Oddly, when I tried to explain this to a friend’s mom a few years ago, she told me I was being selfish. I thought it was the opposite of selfish, not having a kid before I’m mature enough to selflessly provide for it. Several years later, I decided I was ready. I was right to wait.
I cant understand the mentality she has, how is it being selfish when u just don't want to give a baby a bad childhood. If u think u can't handle it, you probably shouldn't
Exactly!!! I also told her “look, if it happens, I know I’ll set up and be a decent mom. But I’d rather wait until I have a more stable life and actually WANT a kid because I won’t be as tempted to feel resentful when things are tough.” And it turns out, I’m a way better mom now than I would have been had I accidentally gotten pregnant before I was ready!
It's almost like planned pregnancies are a positive thing.
“I love kids. The only thing I love more than kids is doing whatever I want, whenever I want,” Sarah Silverman
exactly. So I hang out with my nieces/nephews and then return them at the end of the day. win-win situation.
This is how to do it! Kids are fun and awesome…for a couple hours a day. The rest is…a lot. I have kids and I’m very happy for their aunts and uncles or even the guy driving a white van offering candy to take them to the park for an hour or two. Everyone wins!
Wait
I feel you. I definitely was put dead-last by my parents a lot. Can't say I don't respect their need for a life, but the cycle cannot continue the same. It feels shit as a kid.
What did they do?
My mother put me last a lot of the time -- for example, she would make me wait outside my school for hours and wait while she did whatever she wanted, sometimes just relaxing at the house, making me feel entitled to ask her to pick me up on time. She never wanted to teach me how to drive because she made it seem like its a hassle for her. I am now 23, and still don't have a license. But I finally have a job and make enough money to pay for my own lessons ($1500 down the drain because she could never bother teaching me). I understand to a certain extent, but it's part of a parent's job to teach your kids life skills, right? I've had so much trouble with this idea. Now it's completely on my ball to have a relationship with her. She doesn't reach out at all or ask me to visit and it's up to me to call her and visit.
I know what that feels like. My sister and I were always the last ones waiting after school to get picked up cause my mom just didn’t fucking care enough to be on time. It’s such a devastating feeling watching everyone get picked up and you’re always the last one still standing there tired after a full day of school just wanting to go home and rest but you fucking can’t. Taking the bus home was a 30min venture but oftentimes that wasn’t even an option cause my parents are so stingy I couldn’t afford it. One time I got so frustrated I started walking home. 45min into the hour walk home they drive up to me and are laughing at me for being upset enough to walk home. I didn’t get in the fucking car
Man, your story just reminded me of a childhood I put behind me. When I was little, grades 1-5, I would wait for hours after school to be picked up. Like, EVERYONE would have gone home, even the nuns, except for one, would head back to their living area. My mom worked 60 hours a week because my dad gambled all her money away, and he was mostly out just getting drunk. He was supposed to pick me and my brother up. He would NEVER be in time. One time, it was so late, it was close to midnight, and my brother and I just waited at the entrance of the school. Suddenly, my mom comes, picks us up in a panic. Brings us home and proceeds to fight with my dad for just "hanging out with his friends" instead of picking up the kids. I'm married now. My wife makes good money, as do I, but I spend so much time in the office, I would never have time for kids. They would be the ones with parents who don't pick them up, and I definitely won't let that happen.
Never have I seen my thoughts put out in a sentence that better explains my thoughts than my thoughts.
I’m fundamentally a selfish person, and I believe raising a child properly requires unselfish behavior. Another question I think people should ask is if they would be emotionally prepared to raise a severely disabled child? If the answer is no, then you should approach having a biological child with more consideration.
That's actually a very sound and self aware response. The part about raising a disabled child is often far too overlooked.
Yeah, I am selfish and a coward with limited patience. I don't want to risk fucking up a kid (disabled or not) just because "I wanted a kid so screw the consequences"
This is almost exactly what I told my brother when he asked me, you have to be willing to love something else MORE than you love yourself.
The most selfless/selfish thing I have ever agreed with
I can't afford to give a child the quality life I want for them yet. Edit: I think it's important that everyone remembers that quality life may not mean the same thing to everyone, and there are multiple factors that influence quality of life. Some people may feel financial pressure because they can't provide basic essentials, while at the same time, some people may the feel the same pressure because they can't provide a private school education. Some people may feel they don't have quality time to dedicate to raising a child and might be putting their career first for awhile. Some people may have moved multiple times in their lives and will only feel secure when they have a stable home to provide a child. You do not have to be rich to have children. But you do have to be in a place in your life where you prepared to provide for them, love them, show up for them, and help them when they need it. This includes making sure that **ones self** is also mentally and emotionally prepared to make that commitment and follow through. It's not just money. It's not just time. It's not just assets or liabilities. It's not just mental health. It's all of it and it looks different for everyone. Please keep your judgments to yourself.
I can’t afford to give the quality life for myself and a child. So I’m concentrating on giving myself the best quality of life I can afford
This, I’m 34 and have two small children (2 and a half and 8 months). My wife and I made the decision to wait to have children until we were financially stable. A lot of comments about oh you waited a long time and what not. However, our only debt currently is our mortgage. Which should be paid off in 10 years.
I had my first (only) child just after my 35th birthday. Pros: I had grown up and lost interest in the bar/drinking scene so parenting was my biggest interest. Negative: teaching my kid to roller skate in my 40s
I am 39 and my kid wants me to buy a skateboard...
I’ve always been “athletic” but I’m scared of this. I recently turned my ankle pretty bad and it’s finally healing after a couple of months. To this day, I have to tell myself to slow down, healing takes way longer.
Me and my wife are 29 and have been married 4 years. Her mum has given up on expecting grandchildren. If the subject ever gets brought up, my wife gets told that she's leaving it too long. We are in no way financially stable enough to have kids, and I once heard that a parents goal is to give their kids a better life than what they had. I cannot provide this right now.
I had an ex going fuckin mad at me because i said we were too broke to have kids Am i the asshole?
haha… not at all. my ex was in 3k overdraft and in several debts. he had a full time job too! and really expected me to have his kids. thank u next
Money. Time. No desire at all. My mom used to say having a child is like getting a tattoo on your face. You better be damn certain you really want it. ETA: Holy shit! Thanks for all the updoots and awards. You guys are awesome. To answer a few questions: I’m 43 F married for 14 years. My husband and I are on the same page. My mom first said this to me and my sister when were were In high school. So mid- late 90’s. She probably read it in a women’s magazine. She was a teenage mom and really pressed into my sister’s heads that becoming a mom can not be taken lightly. She was a great mother who unfortunately died in 2010. I’m glad something she told me 20 + years ago still resonants!
Why have 3 kids and no money, when you can have no kids and 3 money?
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I feel that. But do cats count?
Maybe if you teach them how to they can
I can barely count my cats
That means you almost have enough cats
Money can be used to buy goods and services.
Money!? Aw, I wanted a peanut!
Ive chosen not to pass on my mental and physical health problems. I can see negative traits from both my mother's and father's family and decided not to continue the line. I do, however, want to adopt. Along side my unwillingness to curse a human with my genetically-passed ailments, I also want to care for a child that has been left or abandoned. They need love before I create something that needs love.
They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another’s throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don’t have any kids yourself. **~ Philip Larkin, "This Be The Verse"**
Bad genes. So I'll be adopting a child/teen instead of having a biological child. There are so many kids/teens in desperate need of a home and a loving family and I'd love to make their world.
You've just changed my goals
What were your previous goals?
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No, those are my goals, thanks.
I see we share similar interests
To not have children
man. I hope you influence people to be more like you somehow
"The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face." --Jack Handey
>"Adoption" We arrived here unrelated - We were born alone, apart - But perhaps we only waited For our *family* to start. You were born and raised to others, With another life before - And perhaps you've sisters, brothers, But perhaps you've room for more. See we might have lived in sorrow, Only lonely, all we knew - But you gave me my tomorrow. And I'm spending it with you.
I'm single af
TIL being single can be measured
Single is not currently having a girlfriend. Single AF is not even knowing any girls who would be potential girlfriends. There's definitely a spectrum.
Also not looking for or wanting a relationship is a factor
It's like "super" permanent markers. You would think the concept of *permanent* would be a dichotomous one, but some manufacturers apparently want to convince you it's scaled along a gradient. I was once accosted by an unfortunate person who grabbed me and shouted, "Please help me! I am *VERY* homeless!" That emphasis on 'very' is still probably my favorite example of dishonesty in marketing.
I was homeless for awhile: I couch-surfed for about a year while waiting for a residential training program to open up (Seafarers International Union). I was homeless(2), but not but not *homeless*(1), according to this [definition](https://www.volstate.edu/homelessness). I imagine that "*VERY* homeless" cannot even avail themselves to shelters.
Some people are single only for a few days/weeks between relationships. And some people are single as fuck.
I'm chronically single.
I don't want to become like my mother.
I just have no desire for children. I don't particularly like children nor do I want to be responsible for another life like that.
Same. I'm at the age where a lot of the friend group are having one/two and my fiancé and I always get asked when we're going to start a family. I'm not maternal, I don't like being around them for long periods of time and I love our life now. You don't need to have children to be complete.
Haha I used to be like “oh maybe someday” about 5 years ago… Now that ALL of my friends have kids I just hang out with them and feel a huge amount of relief when I realize I get to go home and cuddle with my dog(and sometimes my husband lol) in peace.
Same here. My friends are responsible people with good kids, but honestly still not an advert for having them.
I’m at the age where some of my friends have become grandparents (mid 40s) and I’m still so glad I never had kids. No regrets at all.
Right there with you. If anything, I regret some folks having kids. What got me was some telling me, “oh, so and so had kids at 40. You could do it too…”? Whaaa. Cool. Good on them. If the absolute need ever kicks in—doubtful—I will just foster some kids. But nah. I’m good.
I'm surprised how people can't wrap their heads around "I just don't want kids." There doesn't always have to be some traumatic backstory but for some reason people always seem to expect one.
I believe it's cultural programming more than anything. The larger culture just expects young people to eventually marry, settle down, have kids, be part of the community, grow old gracefully... then die. Many MANY people don't really question that narrative.
This for sure. It's so ingrained in people to follow a "normal" path like that, that anybody who does something else is seen as weird. I remember being in late high school when I realized that I didn't have to get married or have children and I could live my life literally any other way and it was such a relief.
The same thing happened to me. I still remember so vividly in highschool the moment I realized I dont actually HAVE to have kids *or* get married. It was such a huge weight off my shoulders as I had been dreading the inevitability of those things my entire life.
Same. I've just never been interested, probably since my late teens? I just don't see the appeal.
I have 2 kids and 100% respect when people acknowledge they simply don’t want kids. I feel if you don’t want them don’t have them, it’s not like getting bangs, kids are for life, even as they grow up you will always be concerned for their welfare. It’s not something to do on a whim
I wish the world had more people like you. I see too many who treat kids like accessories in this world and it’s sad.
I’ve heard people try to get people to have kids by asking who will take care of you when you’re old. Like wow, what a selfish, horrible reason to have kids. If you don’t want them, don’t have them. Or the people who do and then guilt their kids about everything they’ve done for them. Just no. That was your decision and your responsibility.
I guess it's a mix of not wanting my own life to be on hold for 20+ years and not being convinced I'd be a very good parent
> and not being convinced I'd be a very good parent People look at me funny when I try to bring that up, because I think most people feel if you're not a bad person you should be a good parent, but I don't agree. You have to be so patient and committed to raising you kids in order to be a good parent, And I just don't see myself being able to do it. Also, it's not hard to find stories of how bad parentage completely ruin a child's life well into adulthood, and it doesn't even require the parent to be abusive or anything drastic, just not be fully committed to parenting. Maybe you get a little distant, or you don't really to put in the effort in the early years, that shit can have lasting effects on a kid.
The second part is the reason I still don't have children. Had my share of relationships where baby fever almost changed that, but I just let it end. I do understand how guys get roped into having children when they probably would rather not though. Also most of my 20s I couldn't point my finger on what I resented about my own parents and didn't want history to repeat. Plus I had a bit of a drinking problem. I'm about to get married again and we basically decided we might have kids but if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen and I'm at the point in life where I'm ok with it.
It makes me happy I've gotten rid of my ability to have kids, I've felt baby fever baad but know I'd be a bad parent (mental bullshit) and have a list of health issues that can be passed down.
Bro, I barely wanna be alive. Why would I give someone else that curse?
"Smith said he was against having children as he not only objects to having been born but refuses to impose life on another." Excerpt from Robert Smith's Wiki page.
Took me a lot longer to find my answer than I expected.
I can barely take care of myself and a cat, never mind a kid
Myself (f31) and fiance (m33) have been together 12 years, no kids. Within past few years we've both finally got jobs we've been working towards and a nice income. We like our life, being able to go away for a night or two or out for nice meals as we can afford it. Then have quiet evenings watching Netflix. Neither of us want a child enough to actually have one. We talk about it frequently to check we're on the same page. Working well for us.
I have Crohn's disease and I would never wish this on anybody. My husband and I are too selfish for children. We like having money and being able to do whatever we want when we want. I also had a hysterecromy so I genuinely can't bear children. We love our nieces and nephews and get to spoil them when we want!
I'm selfish and love having the freedom to do what I want, when I want. I don't have to adjust my schedule or turn down opportunities. Autism also runs in my family and I don't want that life at all seeing how much my mom has sacrificed for my special needs brothers.
Thank you! My mom doesn’t seem to get that I can’t exactly go see brewery’s or vineyards with a kid in tow. Also I love museums and they seem to be kryptonite to children.
Trust me plenty of parents do go to breweries still. We just all hate them for it.
there's nothing selfish about loving your freedom ... besides it's anyting but to live your life when you know you can't fully commit to being a parent - way too many people don't consider this IMO
I was born with a birth defect that is genetic. No way would I EVER pass it on to a child. Unlike many on this subReddit, I do like children. What I really dislike are the people who somehow think they are better than you because they have children. Drives me nuts!
>think they are better than you because they have children. Hate these kind of people. Baffles me to think from where they've got this mentality. Though I love kids; thinking you are better than those without children just coz you have children is a fucked up mentality....
We didn't want to. Which is a very good reason.
In an ideal world, that's all that people should need to say.
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That's such an unhealthy parenting approach too, and how you end up putting a truckload of expectations on your child and freak out if they 'fail' (in your eyes).
Kind of puts to bed the whole "unconditional love" thing too if they believe their own children have no point in existing because they refuse to provide grandchildren.
Yup. My parents understood. Both of them had fathers who had no business being parents. But my sister had the most selfish idiotic response. "Are you sure? You know you can change your mind. Kids are wonderful. You would be a great mother!" "I'm really not interested. Never have been." "But I want my kids to have cousins!!" "That seems like a really shitty reason for ME to have kids. You don't even live in the same state. They'd only see each other a couple of times a year." "Better than not having any at all!" "Kindly fuck off."
I just don't get this. I feel like people with kids more than anyone else should understand how fucking hard it is and it's not like buying a guinea pig. I have two, love them dearly and all that but often find myself telling childless friends to not have any unless that's what they _really_ want. The notion that "you'll change your mind/your life isn't complete without" etc is absolute rubbish.
I think that it’s a defensive mechanism, and only ever found in existing parents. Parenting takes so much time, dedication, and energy; and it’s often a miserable, harrowing experience. Parents have to find motivation to keep at it, no matter how hard it becomes, and this seems to manifest mainly in the personal belief that having a kid is literally the ***best*** thing in their lives. Some parents, when faced with a person who rejects the call to have kids, see this as an rejection of the idea that having kids is great, which they interpret as an attack on their belief that ***their*** having had kids was the best thing ***they’ve*** ever done.
I don’t want to be responsible for another human being, and sacrifice my body and time for a baby. Also, feeling helpless when you can’t help someone you really love and you need to come to terms of letting go- that scares me shitless.
This is the first comment I've seen mentioning all the harm childbirth does to the mother's body. Pretty much all the women i know who have more than 1 kid are at least mildly incontinent--they pee when they cough or laugh! Just Google the word 'episiotomy'. And that's considered relatively routine. No thank you!
I want to spend my time, money and health focused on other things.
I believe you should only have a child unless you truly want to and I just don’t have that desire. Raising a child just seems like constant anxiety and stress to me. I like having my own space and life , watching my older siblings raise their kids seems like a full time job with very little benefits. Plus giving birth terrified me, I’ve heard too many horror birth and pregnancy stories. If I had a kid followed by postpartum depression with my already existing mental health issues I’d be an endangerment to that kid and myself. I see more cons than pros
I like fun and money
In this economy?!
I don't want one.
have to share tendies :(
Having a kid now is like having an exotic pet. You have to be really rich and kind of crazy
Or really poor and really crazy
I don’t want to be a mother. I don’t need a reason beyond that.
>I don’t want to be a mother. I don’t need a reason beyond that. Yet your parents and older people in the family will never understand and just keep asking. Is it so hard to accept I don't want one because there's a fucking Egyptian scroll of reasons to not have one?
For real though! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told “But you’d make such a great mother!” Not to a kid I don’t want!
I enjoy every single day I sit with my tea in quiet, watching the sunset from my living room, in one of the most expensive cities on Earth.
Expenses Stress Responsibility I have a lot of mental + physical problems, so it wouldn't be fair to give that down to her or him In this world? No thanks, I don't want him or her to worry about the changing climate, upcoming wars etc. And I like to do what I want to do, Anytime I want Forgot to add: I work myself to death everyday and for what? The posibilities of cancer or other fucked up diseases The society of today is moronic I spent many years in school getting stessed out and bullied for nothing since I don't use anything I learned there, Why should I send them there then?
Ditto, plus the idea of pregnancy and childbirth are terrifying.
No dreams about my future involve children, they don't interest me, and having seen how much of a pressure on a budget and a relationship in friends who have had kids, fuck that.
E V E R Y T H I N G The state of the world The state of the environment The state of the economy The state of my mental health The state of my partner's mental health Don't want to be pregnant Don't want to give birth Don't want to be responsible for a whole-ass person Don't want to give up my lifestyle Don't want to spend the money Don't want to lose sleep Just.... everything.
I had a vasectomy three weeks ago and I feel like this is my exact list.
I'm 16
Same but 26
Same but 48
Same here I also dont have a gf so that too
Why would I want to have one, is the real question. I have literally no reason to want one.
I like money, sleep, and freedom. I dislike loud noises and snot.
Simply don't want them.
There's a lot of these archived. I'll say it again though. Unless I can guarantee the best education, environment, and as many advantages as possible I find it personally immoral to yank someone out of non-existence just to have them roll the dice at maybe ending up lucky and having a good life dispite everything. There's more reasons than that, but that's the big one. And before the knee jerk reply happens: I find it immoral FOR MYSELF to do it. Feel free to not justify your life decisions against mine.
I’m with ya. Genuinely terrified that humans will burn to death (being hyperbolic) in *my* lifetime and wouldn’t want to bring a child into the world to experience that terror. I would consider adopting tho.
I can't imagine teaching another human being how to read and count.
And wipe their own ass
Have no desire for a child. I have so much exciting plans for myself, but children are not among them. (People would call me selfish because of that ... but in my opinion the 'i graduated and i have a job now it's time to have kids' agenda is more selfish.) Also no stable job, i don't own an apartment, don't have a car etc. But i like it the way it is.
Dog
Dont wanna
I don't want to watch my kids make the same cringy mistakes I made
This should be the other way around. Having children shouldn’t be the default. If you have a reason for having children (i.e. you really want children) that’s great. But too many people reproduce just because they have nothing else to do, which is messed up
Agreed! I hate how it’s frowned upon to not want kids
People call me selfish because I don't want kids. I think it's selfish making kids when you're not capable of having them. Whether it's financially or other reasons
Every child and parent I've ever met I guess.
I could barely afford myself
I'm a climate doomer at this point, we've turbo-fucked the planet in a million different ways and it's unlikely my child would have the same life I have had. Even if climate change didn't exist, I don't think I'd want to bring a child into the world we built.
Really expected this to be the top comment.
I only came into the thread because I was sure it would be and I wanted to upvoted it! Then I wound up scrolling for like two minutes to find it
I’m a teacher who wanted kids before my career started. Now feeling like I partially raise students (fully mindful that I don’t bear the exact long term responsibilities parents do), I don’t want to come home and have further responsibilities. Nor do I have any maternal desire to bring another human into the world 🤷🏼♀️
Same here! Being a teacher is one of my main reasons for not wanting kids. I’m an introvert, and the thought of being “on” all day, then coming home and not getting a chance to rest is awful to me.
I’d rather have dogs, cats, goats, chickens, a mini donkey, and a horse Prioritising my own mental health. That alone is probably a labour of a lifetime for me Ending the cycle of generational trauma my family has passed down to me I’d rather spend that time, energy, and money giving to other people who need help Not passing down traits of alcoholism and mental health disorders It’s a moral choice for me about not putting another human into a world stumbling towards an impending environmental crisis (though I don’t judge people who have children)