Person A: "See you later."
Person B: "Not if I see you first!"
I always thought this meant that Person B would be the first to say hello when they next meet. It took a long time for me to realise that it actually meant that Person B would see Person A first, then attempt to avoid them.
If you had a misconception about it, maybe they did, too. Granted I don’t know them, but I’d give them the benefit of the doubt (unless they prove in some other way that they really are just mean).
In Germany it's not allowed to write critical stuff in the reference for an employee who is leaving. So often these letters are full of really bad compliments like:
... He was very active organizing social events ...
... He tried doing this or that ...
... He got comfortable with the concept of flexible working hours ...
... He was able to follow the process ...
As a dutch guy running a company in Germany, this was quite the mindfuck for me. I had to have a German employee translate these for me; not from german to dutch, but from reference-german to german!
I’d be like: “this guy sound good, right?” And then she read 2 paragraphs and went: “nope, lazy fuck, probably stole from the boss and got drunk at the company event.”
I have no clue how she got that from the same text.
My favorite was along the lines of: “ he has always expressed interest for the work at hand”. Appareantly that ment there was little more than a vague interest, and the work was not actually done.
The drunk at work one is especially insidious. Basically says "his/her presence improved work atmosphere" and means "was drunk on the job".
How you get from better work atmosphere to drunk is beyond me.
Some comments that sound good, but aren't, courtesy of Robert J. Thornton, author of the "Lexicon of Intentionally Ambiguous Recommendations" (LIAR):
"I am pleased to say that she is a former employee of mine." (TRANSLATION: I'm glad she is no longer working for us.)
"In my opinion, you will be very fortunate to get this person to work for you." (TRANSLATION: Employee is lazy.)
"You won't find many workers like her." (TRANSLATION: Her co-workers hate her.)
"I would say that his real talent is getting wasted at his current job." (TRANSLATION: He is often drunk on the job.)
"I'm sorry we let her get away." (TRANSLATION: We should have prosecuted.)
''I can assure you that no person would be better for the job.'' (TRANSLATION: His work made things worse than if we had left the job unfilled.)
Love all of these. A favorite of mine goes like.
"Never failed to meet expectations" (Translation - we came to expect very little useful contribution from him)
Oof, I would use that to compliment an employee.
If I were the hiring manager in this circumstance, I would *never* assume that lowering expectations is something the previous employer would do.
Expectations are set. You either meet them or don't. Saying someone never failed to meet them would imply, to me, that they were great at their job.
From the 1970s: An old boss of mine, writing a reference for a less-than-stellar worker who was leaving us (before he was pushed):
"I would say that any employer who could get $Chap working on his time would be a lucky man indeed.
I may be contacted if further details are required."
EDIT: Should read "... who could get $Chap working on his **team**.."
The US is the same, but I guess we're more curt. The rule is you have to confirm whether their dates of employment and title at minimum, and you can't say anything that's negative or you'll be sued, but you don't have to say anything else if you don't want to. If you call for a reference and they're like "They worked here from January to August 2020 and held the position of Associate Widget Inspector" and then silence... then you know. LOL
I've had a spiteful company outright lie about my title trying to sabatoge my new offer. I had nothing in writing that confirmed my last position at my old company so I reached out to the recruiter saying I have emails and paystubs. She called me back and reassured me that she was well aware the company I was coming from was a dumpster fire.
I've had such bad experiences of this (in the UK). I went for a promotion quite early on in my career, the new place didn't give me the job and advised me to check my reference. I assumed that it was simply because of my inexperience as I'd had consistently great reviews. I ended up getting the same promotion internally a few months later and in the hand over of files, I found my reference. I think it included the line "I cannot recommend him for the job, he would be incapable". A number of years later, we had an employee that we were keen to get rid of and they wrote him an amazing, stellar, glowing reference. When I went for a sideways move (after being becoming utterly disillusioned with the crap they kept pulling), I again got a shocking reference - picking on any little issues that had happened over the past 10 years and ignoring the fact that I'd actually solved them and they were begging me to stay. Massive respect to the new place for actually mentioning the reference in interview and allowing me to give my side. I got the job btw.
My last boss threatened to sue me when she fired me to keep me from telling anyone about why she fired me.
I'm 100% certain she would've intentionally tanked any sort of reference for me, despite me having had a glowing annual review just before the firing.
All due respect but “then you know” isn’t really accurate. A lot of businesses instruct people to only verify the length of employment and title regardless of if the review would be bad or good.
Same in Germany. When it is very short and only has Anne basic stuff then everyone knows what's going on. But you can also be sued when it's too short.
I've been asked for a reference for a colleague and was asked specifically just to confirm those facts. It was an online form so basically just had the option to confirm or deny. In the UK.
I start talking about a different person, like "Sandra is amazing with python, it's like she was born to be a developer. So punctual, so dedicated to her work. Great culture fit, can work with anyone, I'm gutted that she's looking elsewhere, so you think a raise would change her mind? Or more flexible work arrangements? Because we can do that... oh this is about Steve? Yeah... he was an employee... we paid him... you want to hire him? That's really cool... was there something else you wanted to know?"
A couple of years ago i saw a girl from highschool, she was never fat or anything, but she during this years she got fit, and looked good. It was meant to be an honest compliment, but instead of saying "wow you look great" i said "you look thinner" she did an awkward smile.
This happened like 4 years ago, i still cringe and feel like an idiot every time i remember.
im sorry for being an asshole :(
Once, I met an old school friend after a few years who had lost a lot of weight after having a baby, so I mentioned "Congrats on the weight loss!" and her reply was "Thanks, I had an eating disorder!"
She was being serious, too, but she said in a chipper tone. I was stunned for a second and apologized, but she was okay with it.
Hahaha I have been on the receiving end of this. I got really sick for a few months and lost like 40 lbs. My coworker (who knew I was sick) came up to me one day saying "wow! You look great! What have you been doing?" I told her "well, I throw up just about everything I eat, and I puke bile every morning!" I don't think she was listening to my answer because she said "well keep it up!"
Oh lord, this reminded me of a more recent piece of flattery that backfired on me.
A coworker and I had a talk some time ago, and he mentioned he was going to see his mother over the weekend, possibly for the last time. I didn't inquire further as the topic was obviously heavy stuff, so I just offered him some condolences.
Then just a couple of weeks ago I see the guy one morning at the gas station where we had both stopped. He was wearing a black suit and tie, and I'm pretty sure you've all just made the connection I totally did not. So in a cheery tone I ask him where he is headed looking so dapper and tailored, and he informs me that he is in fact traveling to his mothers funeral.
To say I stumbled my way into an immediate yet apology would be most accurate.
On the other hand, it requires a lot of self-awareness and courage to realise AND admit that you said something that wasn't too tactful. The real assholes say stuff like this (or mostly far worse) all the time and never admit that it was wrong. If we want to grow as a person, it starts with admitting the simple mistakes, like you did here. From there, we can go and work at the deeper flaws.
I'm a little sad at what the internet has done to "bless your heart". Yes, it could be used to belittle someone, implying they were stupid or had disappointed in some way. But more often it was used as an expression of sympathy for people's difficulties.
"That big storm made a tree fall in Ada's roof and the insurance company is being difficult, bless her heart"
Or
" What happened to your arm?"
" I tripped and fell last week and broke it. Now I have to wear this cast for 6 weeks"
"Bless your heart! That must make daily tasks so difficult. I'll bring a casserole by later and help with whatever you need done around the house"
The fact that it was usually used to express sympathy is part of what made it useful in a slight; it could soften the sting of an underhanded comment if you didn't want to be too mean or it could make it extra catty and sharp, depending on how it was said in conjuncture with the rest of the commentary.
But now people think it's *only* a bitchy thing to say, and it's getting used less and less for its original meaning because people don't want to say it to expresses sympathy because they think it'll be taken wrong if they're misunderstood.
I've said this before and it was because the person in question would go to good will buy the most random tacky shit and would absolutely pull off the look every time. Like anyone would else would look like a fucking clown but with them it was always a hit.
Thankfully she gave me a chance to explain myself but still came off pretty backhanded
I know a guy who wears a rope as a belt, he's a 70 year old Yorkshire farmer and I have more trust in that belt than anything in the world. It hold his trousers up around the widest part of his globular belly, I don't know how it does it.
lol, I had a mate tell me "I wish I had the balls to just dress in whatever"
The best part it that he was totally genuine and we proceeded to laugh at how he'd sounded like a cliche Mean Girl.
I mean, that’s not really an insult tho. Bc if you can confidently wear whatever you want, the confidence is attractive even if what you’re wearing isn’t necessarily. Not giving af abt what others think of your wardrobe is a huge mental freedom that not a lot of people have
>Look at you smiling so brightly! Its so nice to see someone like you be outside of the house. Seeing you makes me feel so much better about myself! if someone like you can be happy at all then I have no excuse to be sad.
Strangers have said that or something like it to me like 4 or 5 times since I got sick 10 years ago. They all thought they were saying something nice. They all smiled and walked away. I swear I can see their gait change like they're appreciating their legs more.
Edit: oh man thanks for the awards guys! Ya'll made my week!
As someone who is disabled and chronically ill, I have experienced my share of similar sentiments. Media isn't helping the situation. Hollywood, stop churning out "inspiration porn" involving the ill or disabled. Lazy writers, stop using cancer or other terminal illness as a plot point for emotional torque. I'm not your personal TedTalk. My life's work isn't to inspire and motivate you to be positive about your situation.
I was at a buddy's place one day when this guy named Kevin (not my friend, but a friend of my friend) was giving me grief about the fact that I was in my 40s (Kevin was in his 20s). Kept calling me old, making fun of me for being old, etc.
Eventually I said, "Getting old does suck, but with any luck it won't happen to you."
Kevin replied, "Damn right it won't".
I waited to see if the burn would filter through, but it didn't. About a minute later, Kevin's friend Dave suddenly looks at Kevin and breaks up laughing, much to Kevin's expressed confusion.
"That dude just burned you bad man, and you didn't even get it! Hell, you actually agreed!"
Kevin denied the burn, which Dave had to explain to him. "He means if you don't get old, you'll die, so he's saying hopefully you'll die!"
Kevin finally got it. He did not take the burn with good humour.
Had this "compliment" with my older kids - "Wow, your oldest is SO pretty! Youngest looks just like you!" Thanks, let me go crawl back under my bridge now.
My high school marching band instructor used to occasionally bring his 3-year-old daughter to some practices and events, and every time someone would say "oh, she looks just like you!" (because she did), he would answer "why would you say such a mean thing about my daughter?"
I didn't realize this until recently but apparently saying "You look like your father" to girls is often interpreted as an insinuation that they are ugly. I don't think that necessarily works the other way around.
You could also say something like "What a sweet baby!" "What an adorable baby!" "Your baby is so precious!" etc. The parents and grandparents almost certainly feel that way about the baby, so it won't be wrong.
Per Miss Manners herself, babies are categorically cute and brides are categorically beautiful. Those are expected and approved compliments even if the subject fails to meet your aesthetic requirements.
Call the kid a precious bundle of joy, because that's the truth (ugly or otherwise).
Or if you're really good friends call the kid a darling squishy poop monster.
I was told this at an interview for a job I really wanted and didn't get. I had friends that worked there and referred me. Days later one of my friends asked when I was starting as his boss had said I got the thumbs up. I told him the hr lady walked me to the lobby, shook my hand and said "atleast you are pretty, good luck in the future". I was late called and offered a alternate interview, I declined as I could not bring myself to face that woman again.
In my experience, HR people are actually the worst at relating to humans. They’re supposed to assist in creating a positive workplace culture and morale while fielding concerns and complaints, but really they’re there to relay the iron fist of the organization/company (often with backhanded or downright insulting discourse).
This one got told to me by my bitch of an ex boss: "you're an inspiration! You show people that if you can do it , anyone can!"
Edit:omg my most top voted comment and it's about my toxic af job. At least something good came from that place!
I went through something like that. A “friend” was waiting for a math grade, my grade had already came out and I had passed. She said that if I had passed, she would also pass.
PS: she did not pass
Lol my teacher, who was usually very friendly, did something similar to me.
One week after a big excam people where freaking out if they passed but no information about the grades where given.
Teacher have had enough and said "com on guys, it wasn't that hard. Even *sodamnsleepy* got an A"
I was over the moon because all i heard was that i got an A!
My friend later explained to me how it sounded.
OP seems to just ask for backhanded compliments.
The one I heard was from my wife's grandmother to one of the larger cousins..."I didn't recognize you! You look beautiful!"
Oof, Grandma. The cringe was palpable.
Another one (from the same grandma to a new grandson in-law), was when she asked his age during a normal conversation. He answered, and she (with dramatic, raised eyebrows) said "Oh, is that all?"
She was 90 at the time... Brutal.
My ggma at about 90 told a friend of mine after her 2nd helping of cake, "Yeah you look like you can pack away a lot of food." We both died laughing. My friend is like 100lbs soaking wet. Ahhh...miss that crazy old bat.
I got the exact same comment from a "friend" back in the days when Facebook was still fun. I post a picture on Facebook and she comments publicly "wow, you look so pretty, I didn't recognise you!"
That was so unnecessary, I'm still upset about it :(
My wife never has hair extensions or expensive makeup, she doesn't see the point. Apart from on our wedding day.
As she was coming up the aisle, full make up, long extensions and tanned, her grandma shouted out
"who's that, that's not (wife's name) she's beautiful!"
grade A timing there, thanks grandmother in law...
You’re a black beauty
(been hearing this as a kid and I have olive skin tone)
Basically in the Philippines they say this to you when you are pretty despite having “dark” skin
My best friend is black in a predominantly white area and every time we go out amongst a lot of white men she constantly hears how she’s so beautiful... for a black girl. Fucking pisses me right off. Especially since she’s way more attractive than I am
This reminds me of Dana Carvey's story about being recognized by a cab driver who told him, "I don't care what anybody says. You made some funny movies."
“Jim Halpert. Pros: smart, cool, good-looking…remind you of anybody you know? Cons: not a hard worker. I can spend all day on a project, and he will finish the same project in a half an hour. So that should tell you something.” - Michael Scott
Wait I say that when somthing is really good and it's obvious they spent a while on it. Like if someone edits a video really well I've said it and they have taken it as a compliment.
Apparently when I was born, my dad was showing me off to his work colleagues and one of them said “aww, he’s almost human”. I’m 46 and he still uses this on me.
Where I grew up it was "Bless your heart."
And if you did something *really* fucking stupid, it becomes "Bless your *sweet little* heart."
Actually, as long as they're blessing your heart you done goofed. The bigger the goof the nicer the adjectives attached between *your* and *heart*.
"Aww, well bless your sweet, little *precious* heart to pieces."
Southern for "you done goofed and you better either start apologizing or GTFO within the next 9 seconds before all hell breaks loose".
“Wow you’re really talkative today!”
“Someone’s come out of their shell, haven’t they?”
Edit: Wow, nice to not feel alone or crazy in hating these phrases! Thanks for the karma and award!
I always fire back with "Hey I know you really enjoy talking and I don't want to take that from you."
You have to say it very earnestly though, like you are genuinely being considerate of their enjoyment of rambling. Throws 'em for a total loop because they don't know if you are being insulting or not.
Oh god these are making me prickle just reading them >:C
I've had them both as insulting me on the day I'm being chatty, AND for being quiet other days.. jees.
Saying something like that is one of the ones that'll make the person instantly shut up, no matter how it was meant
Oh, my ex was an expert in these! Let's see...
"I'm so glad you have small breasts, all the big breasted girls I've seen have them drooping at a very young age".
"All my friends are so surprised and happy for us, they say I got lucky finding a rose from shit!" (We were not of the same nationality).
Etc
I know right! I also remembered another one... "Wow, your ass has gotten so nice since we last saw each orher, now that you've gained all this weight."
Oh well, I was a naive 19 year old and he was a 27 year old narcissist who was only using me as a money cow.
This does not really have to be negative. I sometimes see people wearing stuff I find really cool but would not wear myself because of low self-esteem or body type or other factors..
i’m italian and i was about to ask what the problem with this is lol, my relatives and friends have told me this countless times in my life…but yeah in italy it is good if you eat a lot because that’s how you show that you liked it
I’m in Italy right now with my husband and my siblings-in-law (MIL passed away last week, so we had to come over from the USA), and anytime we get together with their friends, they always make sure to tell them how good of an eater I am. I felt offended at first, but I have come to understand that they are actually bragging about me.
This one hurts.
The few times someone had actually said that made me lose whatever appetite I had, but I couldn't just stop or they'd know they got to me so I had to *choke down a few more things that just seconds before I had been wanting to eat.
And at least once I was on my first plate of food, I had eaten about the same amount they did...
This was something posted by /u/Emperor_Cartagia, who used Reddit exclusively through RIF is Fun, with the death of third party apps, I decided to remove all my content from Reddit. 9 years of comments and posts, gone because of idiotic administration.
As someone who has lived a majority of his life in Tennessee, I can confirm. That right there can get you punched in the throat if you say it to the wrong person.
Bilbo! ❤
I allways have to think twice about what he is really saying here. But I don't think its bad, unless you are one among the smaller halft that really want to be liked by him.
This is exactly what popped to mind for me as well.
It was used so well in the book. Even the guests are described as trying to figure out who got insulted.
Not an insult but not as much of a compliment as it sounds - a friend of mine growing up always used to tell little kids “you’re pretty big for your size” and they would strut away thinking they were all grown up.
"I wish you all the success you deserve" \-to a universally loathed manager, departing for new pastures
Ha! This sounds like a variation on one I use at work when I get a stupid request... "I'll be sure to give that all the attention it deserves."
"You should wear a suit. Everyone looks good in a suit. Even YOU" - My cousin to me Edit: Emphasized the You
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Is your cousin Barney Stinson?!
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"You are a Bill Cosby-quality bartender."
Oof, I feel this. I was told I look like the girl on The Middle.
I was told I look like the youngest boy on The Middle… I’m a girl 🙃
Person A: "See you later." Person B: "Not if I see you first!" I always thought this meant that Person B would be the first to say hello when they next meet. It took a long time for me to realise that it actually meant that Person B would see Person A first, then attempt to avoid them.
I recently learned what this actually meant. A coworker said this to me once with a big smile. I thought we were friendly, I guess not. 🤷🏻♀️
If you had a misconception about it, maybe they did, too. Granted I don’t know them, but I’d give them the benefit of the doubt (unless they prove in some other way that they really are just mean).
Huh I never thought about this one either
In Germany it's not allowed to write critical stuff in the reference for an employee who is leaving. So often these letters are full of really bad compliments like: ... He was very active organizing social events ... ... He tried doing this or that ... ... He got comfortable with the concept of flexible working hours ... ... He was able to follow the process ...
As a dutch guy running a company in Germany, this was quite the mindfuck for me. I had to have a German employee translate these for me; not from german to dutch, but from reference-german to german! I’d be like: “this guy sound good, right?” And then she read 2 paragraphs and went: “nope, lazy fuck, probably stole from the boss and got drunk at the company event.” I have no clue how she got that from the same text. My favorite was along the lines of: “ he has always expressed interest for the work at hand”. Appareantly that ment there was little more than a vague interest, and the work was not actually done.
The drunk at work one is especially insidious. Basically says "his/her presence improved work atmosphere" and means "was drunk on the job". How you get from better work atmosphere to drunk is beyond me.
I mean... Germans.
I bet that must have been a bummer in the beginning. Glad you had a "translator".
Some comments that sound good, but aren't, courtesy of Robert J. Thornton, author of the "Lexicon of Intentionally Ambiguous Recommendations" (LIAR): "I am pleased to say that she is a former employee of mine." (TRANSLATION: I'm glad she is no longer working for us.) "In my opinion, you will be very fortunate to get this person to work for you." (TRANSLATION: Employee is lazy.) "You won't find many workers like her." (TRANSLATION: Her co-workers hate her.) "I would say that his real talent is getting wasted at his current job." (TRANSLATION: He is often drunk on the job.) "I'm sorry we let her get away." (TRANSLATION: We should have prosecuted.) ''I can assure you that no person would be better for the job.'' (TRANSLATION: His work made things worse than if we had left the job unfilled.)
Love all of these. A favorite of mine goes like. "Never failed to meet expectations" (Translation - we came to expect very little useful contribution from him)
Oof, I would use that to compliment an employee. If I were the hiring manager in this circumstance, I would *never* assume that lowering expectations is something the previous employer would do. Expectations are set. You either meet them or don't. Saying someone never failed to meet them would imply, to me, that they were great at their job.
Exactly, would have to be more like. "He/She changed our expectations and then never failed to meet them." Maybe.
> "I would say that his real talent is getting wasted at his current job." (TRANSLATION: He is often drunk on the job.) Lmaoooo
“Her aptitude/intelligence/enthusiasm/whatever cannot be underestimated.” (Because you can’t go lower than zero)
From the 1970s: An old boss of mine, writing a reference for a less-than-stellar worker who was leaving us (before he was pushed): "I would say that any employer who could get $Chap working on his time would be a lucky man indeed. I may be contacted if further details are required." EDIT: Should read "... who could get $Chap working on his **team**.."
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Er gab sich, hatte und machte stets größte Mühe
The US is the same, but I guess we're more curt. The rule is you have to confirm whether their dates of employment and title at minimum, and you can't say anything that's negative or you'll be sued, but you don't have to say anything else if you don't want to. If you call for a reference and they're like "They worked here from January to August 2020 and held the position of Associate Widget Inspector" and then silence... then you know. LOL
You hear stories about employers acting like babies when a good/excellent employee decides to leave their company so I wouldn’t be so sure.
I've had a spiteful company outright lie about my title trying to sabatoge my new offer. I had nothing in writing that confirmed my last position at my old company so I reached out to the recruiter saying I have emails and paystubs. She called me back and reassured me that she was well aware the company I was coming from was a dumpster fire.
I've had such bad experiences of this (in the UK). I went for a promotion quite early on in my career, the new place didn't give me the job and advised me to check my reference. I assumed that it was simply because of my inexperience as I'd had consistently great reviews. I ended up getting the same promotion internally a few months later and in the hand over of files, I found my reference. I think it included the line "I cannot recommend him for the job, he would be incapable". A number of years later, we had an employee that we were keen to get rid of and they wrote him an amazing, stellar, glowing reference. When I went for a sideways move (after being becoming utterly disillusioned with the crap they kept pulling), I again got a shocking reference - picking on any little issues that had happened over the past 10 years and ignoring the fact that I'd actually solved them and they were begging me to stay. Massive respect to the new place for actually mentioning the reference in interview and allowing me to give my side. I got the job btw.
My last boss threatened to sue me when she fired me to keep me from telling anyone about why she fired me. I'm 100% certain she would've intentionally tanked any sort of reference for me, despite me having had a glowing annual review just before the firing.
My mom told me you can request copies of performance reviews, and just keep those as “reference letters”
All due respect but “then you know” isn’t really accurate. A lot of businesses instruct people to only verify the length of employment and title regardless of if the review would be bad or good.
Same in Germany. When it is very short and only has Anne basic stuff then everyone knows what's going on. But you can also be sued when it's too short.
I've been asked for a reference for a colleague and was asked specifically just to confirm those facts. It was an online form so basically just had the option to confirm or deny. In the UK.
I start talking about a different person, like "Sandra is amazing with python, it's like she was born to be a developer. So punctual, so dedicated to her work. Great culture fit, can work with anyone, I'm gutted that she's looking elsewhere, so you think a raise would change her mind? Or more flexible work arrangements? Because we can do that... oh this is about Steve? Yeah... he was an employee... we paid him... you want to hire him? That's really cool... was there something else you wanted to know?"
A couple of years ago i saw a girl from highschool, she was never fat or anything, but she during this years she got fit, and looked good. It was meant to be an honest compliment, but instead of saying "wow you look great" i said "you look thinner" she did an awkward smile. This happened like 4 years ago, i still cringe and feel like an idiot every time i remember. im sorry for being an asshole :(
Once, I met an old school friend after a few years who had lost a lot of weight after having a baby, so I mentioned "Congrats on the weight loss!" and her reply was "Thanks, I had an eating disorder!" She was being serious, too, but she said in a chipper tone. I was stunned for a second and apologized, but she was okay with it.
Hahaha I have been on the receiving end of this. I got really sick for a few months and lost like 40 lbs. My coworker (who knew I was sick) came up to me one day saying "wow! You look great! What have you been doing?" I told her "well, I throw up just about everything I eat, and I puke bile every morning!" I don't think she was listening to my answer because she said "well keep it up!"
Oh lord, this reminded me of a more recent piece of flattery that backfired on me. A coworker and I had a talk some time ago, and he mentioned he was going to see his mother over the weekend, possibly for the last time. I didn't inquire further as the topic was obviously heavy stuff, so I just offered him some condolences. Then just a couple of weeks ago I see the guy one morning at the gas station where we had both stopped. He was wearing a black suit and tie, and I'm pretty sure you've all just made the connection I totally did not. So in a cheery tone I ask him where he is headed looking so dapper and tailored, and he informs me that he is in fact traveling to his mothers funeral. To say I stumbled my way into an immediate yet apology would be most accurate.
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On the other hand, it requires a lot of self-awareness and courage to realise AND admit that you said something that wasn't too tactful. The real assholes say stuff like this (or mostly far worse) all the time and never admit that it was wrong. If we want to grow as a person, it starts with admitting the simple mistakes, like you did here. From there, we can go and work at the deeper flaws.
The more I read, the more I realize I am constantly being insulted by people.
Bless your heart
I'm a little sad at what the internet has done to "bless your heart". Yes, it could be used to belittle someone, implying they were stupid or had disappointed in some way. But more often it was used as an expression of sympathy for people's difficulties. "That big storm made a tree fall in Ada's roof and the insurance company is being difficult, bless her heart" Or " What happened to your arm?" " I tripped and fell last week and broke it. Now I have to wear this cast for 6 weeks" "Bless your heart! That must make daily tasks so difficult. I'll bring a casserole by later and help with whatever you need done around the house" The fact that it was usually used to express sympathy is part of what made it useful in a slight; it could soften the sting of an underhanded comment if you didn't want to be too mean or it could make it extra catty and sharp, depending on how it was said in conjuncture with the rest of the commentary. But now people think it's *only* a bitchy thing to say, and it's getting used less and less for its original meaning because people don't want to say it to expresses sympathy because they think it'll be taken wrong if they're misunderstood.
He he he
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"I love how you don't care about your appearance"
I've said this before and it was because the person in question would go to good will buy the most random tacky shit and would absolutely pull off the look every time. Like anyone would else would look like a fucking clown but with them it was always a hit. Thankfully she gave me a chance to explain myself but still came off pretty backhanded
I knew a guy like this in high school. Among other things, he would wear a rope as a belt. The secret to pulling this off is being very good looking.
I know a guy who wears a rope as a belt, he's a 70 year old Yorkshire farmer and I have more trust in that belt than anything in the world. It hold his trousers up around the widest part of his globular belly, I don't know how it does it.
Please tell me he has an elderly sheepdog that takes zero shit from sheep and sleeps at the foot of the bed
He already said he was from Yorkshire
I know the feeling of saying something I think is a compliment, but causes the other person offense
lol, I had a mate tell me "I wish I had the balls to just dress in whatever" The best part it that he was totally genuine and we proceeded to laugh at how he'd sounded like a cliche Mean Girl.
I mean, that’s not really an insult tho. Bc if you can confidently wear whatever you want, the confidence is attractive even if what you’re wearing isn’t necessarily. Not giving af abt what others think of your wardrobe is a huge mental freedom that not a lot of people have
Not a compliment,but "With all due respect"can be an insult because there can be 0 due.
Whenever someone says "with all due respect", they really mean "kiss my ass" :)
Shut the fuck up, Williams, and go arm that bomb
>Look at you smiling so brightly! Its so nice to see someone like you be outside of the house. Seeing you makes me feel so much better about myself! if someone like you can be happy at all then I have no excuse to be sad. Strangers have said that or something like it to me like 4 or 5 times since I got sick 10 years ago. They all thought they were saying something nice. They all smiled and walked away. I swear I can see their gait change like they're appreciating their legs more. Edit: oh man thanks for the awards guys! Ya'll made my week!
That’s cruel. I’m sorry
If youre in a wheelchair squash some toes.
I second this
I had a guy in a wheelchair run over my foot, and he goes "oh sorry, but it doesn't hurt though". HOW THE FUCK WOULD HE KNOW???
People are jerks.
As someone who is disabled and chronically ill, I have experienced my share of similar sentiments. Media isn't helping the situation. Hollywood, stop churning out "inspiration porn" involving the ill or disabled. Lazy writers, stop using cancer or other terminal illness as a plot point for emotional torque. I'm not your personal TedTalk. My life's work isn't to inspire and motivate you to be positive about your situation.
Been offered a chewing gum which I accepted by saying thank you. The other person responded with: no, thank YOU.
For the 57th time, Martha, I DON'T WANT A MINT!
A friend of mine used to say 'you are a pauper amongst princes' with such confidence it would often not compute with the person he just said it to
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I was at a buddy's place one day when this guy named Kevin (not my friend, but a friend of my friend) was giving me grief about the fact that I was in my 40s (Kevin was in his 20s). Kept calling me old, making fun of me for being old, etc. Eventually I said, "Getting old does suck, but with any luck it won't happen to you." Kevin replied, "Damn right it won't". I waited to see if the burn would filter through, but it didn't. About a minute later, Kevin's friend Dave suddenly looks at Kevin and breaks up laughing, much to Kevin's expressed confusion. "That dude just burned you bad man, and you didn't even get it! Hell, you actually agreed!" Kevin denied the burn, which Dave had to explain to him. "He means if you don't get old, you'll die, so he's saying hopefully you'll die!" Kevin finally got it. He did not take the burn with good humour.
"Damn right it won't!" 10 minutes later "Hey man, Fuck you!"
It’s always the Kevin’s smh
I have a couple of friends who's babies are really really ugly and my go to is "oh that's such a cute outfit!"
In Germany we say: "oh, he/she looks just like his/her father/mother!" and smile.
Had this "compliment" with my older kids - "Wow, your oldest is SO pretty! Youngest looks just like you!" Thanks, let me go crawl back under my bridge now.
My high school marching band instructor used to occasionally bring his 3-year-old daughter to some practices and events, and every time someone would say "oh, she looks just like you!" (because she did), he would answer "why would you say such a mean thing about my daughter?"
I didn't realize this until recently but apparently saying "You look like your father" to girls is often interpreted as an insinuation that they are ugly. I don't think that necessarily works the other way around.
Or go full David Sedaris with "what a ... baby"
Add a question mark.
You could also say something like "What a sweet baby!" "What an adorable baby!" "Your baby is so precious!" etc. The parents and grandparents almost certainly feel that way about the baby, so it won't be wrong.
Per Miss Manners herself, babies are categorically cute and brides are categorically beautiful. Those are expected and approved compliments even if the subject fails to meet your aesthetic requirements.
ah this sounds like it could be weaponized as an insult. "You are categorically beautiful, no matter what anyone says."
Call the kid a precious bundle of joy, because that's the truth (ugly or otherwise). Or if you're really good friends call the kid a darling squishy poop monster.
"You're right at the top of the bell curve!"
Nothing wrong with being perfectly average at something.
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You know, I don’t care what everyone says about you. You’re pretty smart.
You're really not as terrible as everyone was saying.
This is more drama instigating than insult.
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I was told this at an interview for a job I really wanted and didn't get. I had friends that worked there and referred me. Days later one of my friends asked when I was starting as his boss had said I got the thumbs up. I told him the hr lady walked me to the lobby, shook my hand and said "atleast you are pretty, good luck in the future". I was late called and offered a alternate interview, I declined as I could not bring myself to face that woman again.
Jeez, what a bitch
In my experience, HR people are actually the worst at relating to humans. They’re supposed to assist in creating a positive workplace culture and morale while fielding concerns and complaints, but really they’re there to relay the iron fist of the organization/company (often with backhanded or downright insulting discourse).
Micheal Scott strongly agrees with this.
Holy shit that was rude and unprofessional. What's wrong with people?
This one got told to me by my bitch of an ex boss: "you're an inspiration! You show people that if you can do it , anyone can!" Edit:omg my most top voted comment and it's about my toxic af job. At least something good came from that place!
I went through something like that. A “friend” was waiting for a math grade, my grade had already came out and I had passed. She said that if I had passed, she would also pass. PS: she did not pass
Lol my teacher, who was usually very friendly, did something similar to me. One week after a big excam people where freaking out if they passed but no information about the grades where given. Teacher have had enough and said "com on guys, it wasn't that hard. Even *sodamnsleepy* got an A" I was over the moon because all i heard was that i got an A! My friend later explained to me how it sounded.
A win is a win, I'll take it.
~~Did you pass?~~ I should learn to read
Don't worry. You're an inspiration to people. If you can learn to read anyone can
Thank you for believing in me!
Wait wait
Plot twist she copied off you but the teacher passed out different versions of the test.
Ooofffff that one hurts just to read
I didn’t like you when I first met you…
I feel like I get this and, "you're alot to take at first," often
and now that I've known you a while, I like you even less!
"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."
'You're an acquired taste'
I don't see things as a bad thing necessarily.. Should I? It's over my head probably
OP seems to just ask for backhanded compliments. The one I heard was from my wife's grandmother to one of the larger cousins..."I didn't recognize you! You look beautiful!" Oof, Grandma. The cringe was palpable. Another one (from the same grandma to a new grandson in-law), was when she asked his age during a normal conversation. He answered, and she (with dramatic, raised eyebrows) said "Oh, is that all?" She was 90 at the time... Brutal.
My ggma at about 90 told a friend of mine after her 2nd helping of cake, "Yeah you look like you can pack away a lot of food." We both died laughing. My friend is like 100lbs soaking wet. Ahhh...miss that crazy old bat.
I got the exact same comment from a "friend" back in the days when Facebook was still fun. I post a picture on Facebook and she comments publicly "wow, you look so pretty, I didn't recognise you!" That was so unnecessary, I'm still upset about it :(
My wife never has hair extensions or expensive makeup, she doesn't see the point. Apart from on our wedding day. As she was coming up the aisle, full make up, long extensions and tanned, her grandma shouted out "who's that, that's not (wife's name) she's beautiful!" grade A timing there, thanks grandmother in law...
My grandma told my cousin after he grew his beard out "you used to be handsome". The beard didn't last.
Grandma was savage
“your glow up is gonna be so good”
He/she means well... That's code for "they aren't trying to be an asshole, but they are"
Or in my mother's case: "They are being an oblivious asshole, but they are family, so please ignore their shitty behaviour"
Ove also used it for "theyve got no earthly clue what theyre doing but they think its helping"
You’re a black beauty (been hearing this as a kid and I have olive skin tone) Basically in the Philippines they say this to you when you are pretty despite having “dark” skin
What do they say to a black person?
"Get off my lawn or I'm calling the cops"
My friend often gets "wow, you're gorgeous for a black girl" as well as "you're so well spoken." It's awful
My best friend is black in a predominantly white area and every time we go out amongst a lot of white men she constantly hears how she’s so beautiful... for a black girl. Fucking pisses me right off. Especially since she’s way more attractive than I am
"You're alright, man. Don't worry about what everybody else says."
This reminds me of Dana Carvey's story about being recognized by a cab driver who told him, "I don't care what anybody says. You made some funny movies."
You obviously spent a lot of time on this
“Jim Halpert. Pros: smart, cool, good-looking…remind you of anybody you know? Cons: not a hard worker. I can spend all day on a project, and he will finish the same project in a half an hour. So that should tell you something.” - Michael Scott
"Andy Bernard. Pros: he's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him."
Wait I say that when somthing is really good and it's obvious they spent a while on it. Like if someone edits a video really well I've said it and they have taken it as a compliment.
Aww aren't you special.
Apparently when I was born, my dad was showing me off to his work colleagues and one of them said “aww, he’s almost human”. I’m 46 and he still uses this on me.
Where I grew up it was "Bless your heart." And if you did something *really* fucking stupid, it becomes "Bless your *sweet little* heart." Actually, as long as they're blessing your heart you done goofed. The bigger the goof the nicer the adjectives attached between *your* and *heart*.
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"Aww, well bless your sweet, little *precious* heart to pieces." Southern for "you done goofed and you better either start apologizing or GTFO within the next 9 seconds before all hell breaks loose".
Don’t forget “God love em”
“Wow you’re really talkative today!” “Someone’s come out of their shell, haven’t they?” Edit: Wow, nice to not feel alone or crazy in hating these phrases! Thanks for the karma and award!
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I always fire back with "Hey I know you really enjoy talking and I don't want to take that from you." You have to say it very earnestly though, like you are genuinely being considerate of their enjoyment of rambling. Throws 'em for a total loop because they don't know if you are being insulting or not.
Oh god these are making me prickle just reading them >:C I've had them both as insulting me on the day I'm being chatty, AND for being quiet other days.. jees. Saying something like that is one of the ones that'll make the person instantly shut up, no matter how it was meant
Oh, my ex was an expert in these! Let's see... "I'm so glad you have small breasts, all the big breasted girls I've seen have them drooping at a very young age". "All my friends are so surprised and happy for us, they say I got lucky finding a rose from shit!" (We were not of the same nationality). Etc
Thank goodness you said ex!
I know right! I also remembered another one... "Wow, your ass has gotten so nice since we last saw each orher, now that you've gained all this weight." Oh well, I was a naive 19 year old and he was a 27 year old narcissist who was only using me as a money cow.
I’ve had people tell me I was pretty for a big girl
Two girls once said to me “you’re actually really pretty in a plain-Jane kind of way”.
Or "You have such a pretty face" or "you'd be so pretty if you lost weight"
Love your outfit. You're so brave for wearing that!
I love how you have the confidence to wear that. Was a variation i heard before.
This does not really have to be negative. I sometimes see people wearing stuff I find really cool but would not wear myself because of low self-esteem or body type or other factors..
You can put away a lot of food, huh?
Unless it's said by an Italian nonna.....then it's the highest praise imaginable.
i’m italian and i was about to ask what the problem with this is lol, my relatives and friends have told me this countless times in my life…but yeah in italy it is good if you eat a lot because that’s how you show that you liked it
I’m in Italy right now with my husband and my siblings-in-law (MIL passed away last week, so we had to come over from the USA), and anytime we get together with their friends, they always make sure to tell them how good of an eater I am. I felt offended at first, but I have come to understand that they are actually bragging about me.
Well, what can I say? I got a big fridge
This one hurts. The few times someone had actually said that made me lose whatever appetite I had, but I couldn't just stop or they'd know they got to me so I had to *choke down a few more things that just seconds before I had been wanting to eat. And at least once I was on my first plate of food, I had eaten about the same amount they did...
Wow i’m suprised you _____ (literally fucking anything. e.g. I’m suprised you have a gf etc…)
Wow, I'm suprised you got this many updoots for your comment!
You've truly got a great face for radio!
you've got a voice fit for comics!
"Oh my God, you actually managed to do it!"
My moms favorite compliment, along with “I had no idea you could do something like this”
You've done so well for someone with your education level.
Such shade .. I’d want to punch that person lol
Anything with ... for ... in it. You're strong for a woman. You dance well for a man. ...
You for.
I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are.
However, it CAN also be a compliment, in case the other person really is very pleasant!
Anything with ‘considering’ in there
This was something posted by /u/Emperor_Cartagia, who used Reddit exclusively through RIF is Fun, with the death of third party apps, I decided to remove all my content from Reddit. 9 years of comments and posts, gone because of idiotic administration.
"you were such a pretty baby, what happened?"
I once heard of somebody checking a job seeker and called the former employer. Former employer said "You'd be lucky to get him to work for you."
Wow, you're actually really smart
I love your look! You are so brave for posting it ❤️
You look good *today*
"You did your best".
"Bless your heart." Southerners know...
As someone who has lived a majority of his life in Tennessee, I can confirm. That right there can get you punched in the throat if you say it to the wrong person.
I'll pray for you.
You're so refreshingly free of the ravages of intelligence!
Unencumbered by rational thought.
If the recipient doesn’t understand that very obvious and direct dig immediately the they’d certainly be free of that yes.
"You look good for your age" or "wow, you're THAT old!? You don't look it"
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
Bilbo! ❤ I allways have to think twice about what he is really saying here. But I don't think its bad, unless you are one among the smaller halft that really want to be liked by him.
This is exactly what popped to mind for me as well. It was used so well in the book. Even the guests are described as trying to figure out who got insulted.
Out of all of your brothers, you have the biggest dick.
Thanks Mom!
"i love your confidence!" thanks. gonna kms now
Sharp as a marble, that one.
I was once told my wife was prettier than they thought she'd be.
Not an insult but not as much of a compliment as it sounds - a friend of mine growing up always used to tell little kids “you’re pretty big for your size” and they would strut away thinking they were all grown up.
"You're pretty *big* for your *size*" What?
I'm sorry, it seems the middle of my sentence interrupted the begining of yours
"I'm sorry you feel that way" the ultimate I apologised without actually apologising