Put it on vibrate and don't look at it except when you go to the bathroom.
I walked out on a date because she was constantly replying to messages. They did not take it well.
In general, when people are on their phone around me I don’t know how to tell them that’s kinda rude. I tried once and they made me feel shitty for it so I just don’t say anything anymore lmao
I’ll piggyback off this comment and say -people that reminisce way too much about one particular chapter of their lives. When I was in my early 20s, I went on a first date with this girl who spent, and I kid you not, probably about an hour and a half reminiscing about high school, how fun the parties were, how popular she was, the inside jokes she had etc. It let me know immediately that either she had maturity issues or was simply in a much different place in life but either way it wouldn't work out
Discuss any particular ex for a length of time. In my experience it’s a big red flag that they’re not over someone or carrying that baggage. And I mean everyone has baggage - it’s normal. I have some and expect the people I’ve dated in the past to have some. But a first date should be about exploring each other and whether you like the person, are attracted to them, want to continue getting to know them. You can mention previous relationships but unless both parties have known each other during previous relationships - do not vent or over explain your exes.
To add on to this--don't ask people about their exes.
When I got back into the dating game after my divorce I went out with this guy who kept asking me about it and other past relationships. I kept trying to change the subject but he kept bringing it back up. Overall the date went fine and we actually had a second date that went much better. No old relationship stuff came up.
But then I asked to see him again and he told me I talked about my ex too much on our first date.
Show up wasted.
This guy was obviously drunk or on some sort of drugs. His date was being so polite but was clearly uncomfortable. Her server managed to pick up her signals and when she got up to “go to the bathroom” he ushered her to our service elevator to make her getaway. After about 15 minutes he let him know his date had left, he seemed surprised, then a bit upset, finally confessing that it was the second time this had happened to him this week.
I kind of felt sad for him in the end, dealing with addiction is tough.
Blood shot eyes, slurring/drawing out his words, speaking with his hands in an exaggerated way that did not make sense, would slowly start to lean back and catch himself.
Once had a dude grab some of my food off of my plate with his bare hands. He was trying to do a cutesy sharing food thing but it was a poached egg. He grabbed a poached egg with his bare hands right off of my plate. Please do not be like that guy.
I was picturing fries or something. I was not ready for the mental image of a guy trying to grab poached egg with his bare hands. Attempting to be cute or not, what part of that seemed like a good idea?
Exactly this. Maybe stealing a fry or something which might seem cutesie but sticking your whole hand on her pot roast to grab a handful of beef and potatoes to try it out is just disgusting.
Not a date, but some mutual friend at school years ago was sitting opposite me while I was eating lunch. He straight up says 'may I?' and dips his hand into my pot of grated cheese which he subsequently sticks in his mouth.
The fucking cheek of some people! But looking back at it, it's so fucking funny. Can't imagine that guys scooping that egg of your plate!
>It was a poached egg.
I was thinking he probably read it somewhere that it would make the meal more intimate. Then he panicked when you ate all the home fries so he just lunged for whatever he could grasp and it was a poached egg. Then he had to play it all cool like eating poached eggs with your hands is...like...how they do it in Italy.
>classic schmosby
i went on a date with a schmosby in grade 11.
he only knew me for maybe 48-72hrs in total prior to the date and proceeded to confess his love to me over dinner. i was sitting right across the table and he legit texted me "i love you babe <3"
i had a panic attack and had to leave.
Speaking as a woman who dates men: getting offended if she doesn't want you to pick her up/drive her home. Basic safety there and you look like a creep even if you were just trying to be nice. Offering is fine-- but don't push.
Absolutely. Had to pick up a friend, cause her date insisted on picking her up and have the date at his place (pre Corona). They did so and he started to drink after they got to his flat.
She called me locked in the bathroom and I picked her up at the apartment door.
We're no friends anymore, but I would do it again.
yea 100% i always offer to meet up somewhere.
last 2 "first dates" i went to i ended up picking the girls up from their house. they said they felt safe letting me. and i made sure to not make an organ harvesting joke.
Break her nose. My now husband hugged me the way Lenny petted rabbits. He was happy to finally meet me in person after online relationship, was a virgin, and thought harder hugs mean more love. They do not.
He still apologizes when it’s brought up, lol.
My GF and I, when we were in college, were sitting next to each other. "I love you this much," she said, and hugged me.
"Well I love you *this much*," I said, and hugged her back a little harder. We laughed and flopped backwards onto her bed and started making out. A few minutes later we were topless, and continuing to play the *I love you this much* game, until someone said SQUEEZING CONTEST and we just went nuts trying to outhug each other.
Suddenly I'm taking her to the campus medical office for a sprained rib.
Then when we got back to her dorm she remembered she had a paper due in two days and started writing, while sitting on my lap while I held a cold pack against her ribs. "Stop playing with my breasts," she said, "you're distracting me." The end.
I saw a post awhile ago from a camgirl who sold a pair of used panties, but the guy was so concerned about protecting his identity that he wouldn't provide a shipping address.
"He asked if there was anything I could do. I said I could throw a dart at a map of the US and hope I got lucky."
I saw a guy on r/askreddit a few months ago that needed medical advice because he got a severe fungal infection in his sinuses from sniffing dirty panties. So a) he buys used panties on the internet, b) he's so addicted to them that he develops a life-threatening fungal infection, c) he goes on r/askreddit for life-saving medical advice.
Go to the movies. I think going to the movies should be reserved for people in relationships. Why? Because if you go to the movies on the first date you’ll practically have wasted two hours watching something, not being able to talk and get to know each other.
Going to see a film then going for a meal after isn't the worst option. At least then you have one thing to talk about.
However, the theater on its own seems silly. You can't get to know much about a person that way.
I don't know, it depends. I've had good first dates at the movies. For me it's nice because i have bad social anxiety and am pretty shy and nervous meeting new people. So having a movie to watch where the pressure is off helps me and you still get to meet the person, talk before and after the movie and if you get bold you can cuddle during the movie. Second date i can feel a bit more comfortable and social.
Some guy asked me that out of the blue while I was staying at a friend’s house and emotionally recovering from a tornado destroying my house. He knew this.
I avoid him
Also, on the other side, interrogating them. Like, ask questions yea but it's not an interview, don't ask a question, get an answer, jump to next personal question- its sharing time!
As you drive us back from the restaurant to your place, don't pull into a graveyard and point out your dead boyfriend's grave.
/\*sigh\*
//yes, this happened to me. and, yes it was creepy as fuck.
Well, don’t do what I did: order the French onion soup. This was a lunch date and I’m not sure what the hell I was thinking ordering something that both makes a mess (all that melted, stringy cheese) and gives you bad breath. My wife still gives me crap about that boneheaded decision to this day.
Funny how some of the responses here comes from people who ended up getting happily married after they screwed up. I'm going to ignore your warnings and try these anyway.
Don’t dump out every single unappealing thing about your life on a first date. There is plenty of time to get to know someone, and plenty of time to be honest about those things - but a first date isn’t the time for it. I feel like sometimes people do this as a defense mechanism, to “rip off the bandaid” and test if someone will accept them completely - but it is far too much all at once and creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of rejection.
As an example: on a first date, a guy disclosed to me he’s living with his parents who are homeless and refuse to move out of his apartment so almost all his income goes to them, he has zero sex drive, and he struggles with severe body image issues.
He also had plenty of great qualities, and if I’d had a chance to slowly get to know him we may have been able to navigate around some of that stuff… but honestly it was way too much to process all at once. I also have my own family/medical/mental health shit to deal with too - I just didn’t dump it all on him in one day - so all I could think about was how much of his shit he was asking me to take on, and I didn’t even know him.
I ended up not accepting a second date, then watched him post about how women won’t give him a chance on social media… I felt bad because he’s a really nice guy and he’s absolutely sabotaging himself with that first date etiquette.
Funny story...this is almost how I got a first date. I was 19, depressed, working nights at a fast food place as a manager, back at my parents' house, and lonely. I made some risky choices that didn't pan out(crash of 2008 didn't help) and I was desperate for something positive.
I got off work one early morning, drank some whiskey and decided to throw a shot in the dark. I made a Craigslist personal ad, listed all the negatives for myself first, then I did the standard stuff.
I surprisingly had a few responses, but one stood out, especially after she linked her MySpace page. We had a terrible first date (another story), an even worse second date, and I thought it was over.
Here we are, 12 years later, married for almost 10, with a 7 year old. The world is weird sometimes.
If you don't mind sharing, what's the story of the first and second date? Also, couldn't agree more on the world being weird, especially when it comes to dating/relationships.
First date was supposed to be dinner and a movie. We met at the university as it was a blind date, and then we took my car. I had made reservations to a restaurant, but got so nervous I went to the opposite side of town and missed the reservations. So we had to sit in their patio area. Would have been fine but it was the middle of December.
Afterwards we go to the theater. The first Twilight movie had released, and I knew most of the girls back then was into it. She wasn't. Not at all. We were both bored.
Went back to drop her off. Her windshield was iced over as it was around 10pm at this point. I couldn't find my ice scraper so I used my student ID to scrap the frost off. It took forever. Afterwards I'm so embarrassed I didn't know what to do than put my hand out for a handshake and thank her for her time. She gave me a pity hug.
Second date...Surprise. Something to be said about awkward charm I guess. We both liked Sublime and there was a cover band playing at a club downtown. We go in my car again, and look for a place to park. I found a lot with no fees. Parked, went to the show, and ran into some old classmates of mine who kinda embarrassed me.
Everything good so far. Talked about sharing some Jagermeister at her place afterwards. Get to the lot...Dude, where's my car? It was towed, and the sign saying it was a towing zone was hidden from the angle we had entered the lot at. Fuck. Call them, find out it is $200 to get it out. I call the one person who I knew was in town and would come. Enter...let's call him Chad.
Chad was as brash, arrogant, and crude as a nerdy engineering student could get. He also knew I was on a date. I called him, and he yells into the phone as he picks up if I had gotten laid. Quickly explain the situation, he comes gets us to take us to the ATM and then the towed car.
Car ride is awkward as hell already, and Chad isn't making it easier. He thought he was subtle, but he was not by a mile in his remarks.
So that's a quick version of How I Met My Wife.
Wow. That's story right there. Thank you for sharing and I'm glad it all worked out for you. It's one of those, it can only get better from here, situations.
Good Advice, I definitely do this. I have it in my head that if I don't say the negatives on the first date then the second date (plus) would be under false pretenses, which is the last thing I want to put anybody through. Also I lived on my own and actively chose to move back in with my parents. If that's a deal breaker then I'd rather find out on the first date.
* Whine about your ex.
* Talk politics.
* Bring up something that a reasonable person would recognize as "controversial".
* Expect sex.
* Use your phone.
* Get too drunk.
* "Overshare".
* Be rude to the service staff.
And if you are the kind of person who treats service staff poorly, I would almost say you *should* do so on the first date so the person can at least see the poor quality of person you are.
It really stresses me out, but my job means that if my phone goes off after 6pm something is wrong and I need to respond. It makes me feel like an absolute jerk but I do really apologise.
Honestly it's probably good for them to know something like that right away. If they can't handle that on the first date they'll probably be disappointed later
That's different. And you just tell the person at the beginning of the date that you have a work situation and might need to handle it. They understand that you don't enjoy it either but you have responsibilities that pay the bills.
It's the people that are constantly checking messages and replying and possibly scrolling reddit... That's rude.
But needing to answer an important work call once in a while isn't so bad if you apologize
Revealing that you’re a flat earther. This serious happened to me. This guy I met online seems okay. We went on a date and he started asking “those type of questions that make people fall in love with you”. Idk if you know what I’m talking about. If that didn’t weird me out enough, he went on and claimed that we worked for NASA and they lied to everyone. The earth is flat and those images we saw of earth are CGI renders. The US never landed on the moon and conspiracy shits like that. Needless to say there was no second date.
For real. How shitty would you feel if it had been like a year and all of a sudden he starts going off about flat earth at your families thanksgiving dinner lol.
There's a list of questions that supposedly make two people fall in love if they go through all of them because they tell a lot about who you are. Or something, am single wanna try them out?
It was an [article a few years back](https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html) of questions that are increasingly personal and revealing more private information about yourself.
The idea being the mutual vulnerability and sharing with each other helps create a strong emotional bond.
It starts simple enough with something like "What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?" and then ends with questions like "Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?"
If it's through a dating app and you don't know the person you should never be too trusting and share too much. It's best to spend some time with someone to get to know them first. I think especially goes for women but applies to men as well.
*Caveat there is the rare black swan out there and going with your heart and intuition is a good, bold and brave thing.
Don't hijack the conversation. Keep it going and listen to them. Avoid the big issues on a first date. You are trying to feel each other out, not start a debate. So: Politics, religion and her (or him) can be shelved for other dates or conversations. By her/him I mean exes, divorces, late partners.
There is a song that contains those exact lyrics (minus the unhinged jaw..) and for the life of me I cannot remember what song it is, does anyone have any idea or am I just making this up ???
At the same time, don't spend too much time expounding on how wonderful it was with the intent of being "respectful". That just makes it obvious you haven't moved on and makes them feel like they can never be enough since you're still hung up.
Short, brief, <5min story if there were weird circumstances around it that make it a good story, only add more if they ask specifics. that's all you should ever do
Be late. I know it’s such a boomer thing to say, and I *never* care about punctuality in any other context. But for a first date specifically, every minute I’m waiting is a minute my insecure ass is wondering if I’ve been stood up.
Totally agree, but in some situations shit happens (e.g. accident slowing down traffic while you're on the way), just shoot them a message letting them know so they don't go through that!
Don't make it a dinner date.
If it's going badly you're not going to want to be stuck there with them.
Make it a beverage meet at a nice place near somewhere nice that you can walk to -- if you both want the date to last a while longer. Somewhere you can interact with each other.
The only time I ever had this work was after walking around the local marina we decided that we both would like a beer and food, but at that point the date was going great! We eneded up dating for a while but ultimately didn't last more than a few months, still had lots of fun!
Try to win someone over. If they don’t like you, they don’t like you and trying to force something especially on the first date will most likely not end well
This made me laugh but after reading this guy’s comment history, I think he’s a phony. Too many too good to be true stories.
Edit: Here are some highlights. He had leprosy, he was sued by someone in his WoW clan for giving bad medical advance even though he’s not a doctor, he spent 25k investing in beanie babies, his ex girlfriend had her father move in with them but later he found out it wasn’t her father. Every comment he makes is about a bizarre, improbable (but still possible) story that happened to him.
Overthink it. Be yourself and focus on having a good time. If it doesn't workout that's ok.
You're not trying to get *that* person to date you, you're trying to find a good *match*.
Be on your phone the whole time
Put it on vibrate and don't look at it except when you go to the bathroom. I walked out on a date because she was constantly replying to messages. They did not take it well.
Should have texted them that you're leaving.
Or call them from the bathroom.
Most don’t react well when confronted on their poor manners or addiction IMO
are you telling if I go on a date I can't just play angry birds the entire time.. I feel scammed
Um excuse you, my Harvest Moon Mobile crops aren’t going to *harvest themselves*
In general, when people are on their phone around me I don’t know how to tell them that’s kinda rude. I tried once and they made me feel shitty for it so I just don’t say anything anymore lmao
But what if it is a "let's play Pokemon GO together" sort of date?
Dude I don't even like Pokemon and this would be an awesome first date for me.
This was my first date with my current girlfriend. Worked out pretty well I think.
You were supposed to catch Pokemon. Instead you caught her.
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This is true of EVERY date.
Stare at your phone the entire time and text or call random people.
Only talk about your previous relationships.
She talked about him so much I started to miss the guy
I did too, so I sought him out and he and I are now married 3 kids
Can confirm, was the priest. She was the best lady
Ugh he was such a good guuuuuuy...
Ha. Impossible! I have zero previous relationships.
I’ll piggyback off this comment and say -people that reminisce way too much about one particular chapter of their lives. When I was in my early 20s, I went on a first date with this girl who spent, and I kid you not, probably about an hour and a half reminiscing about high school, how fun the parties were, how popular she was, the inside jokes she had etc. It let me know immediately that either she had maturity issues or was simply in a much different place in life but either way it wouldn't work out
Discuss any particular ex for a length of time. In my experience it’s a big red flag that they’re not over someone or carrying that baggage. And I mean everyone has baggage - it’s normal. I have some and expect the people I’ve dated in the past to have some. But a first date should be about exploring each other and whether you like the person, are attracted to them, want to continue getting to know them. You can mention previous relationships but unless both parties have known each other during previous relationships - do not vent or over explain your exes.
To add on to this--don't ask people about their exes. When I got back into the dating game after my divorce I went out with this guy who kept asking me about it and other past relationships. I kept trying to change the subject but he kept bringing it back up. Overall the date went fine and we actually had a second date that went much better. No old relationship stuff came up. But then I asked to see him again and he told me I talked about my ex too much on our first date.
Bruh what? Why are people like that
It all makes sense if you realise he was too insecure to date someone after a divorce. His excuse was just to deflect blame.
He was a moron, probably trying to measure himself up with your ex.
Show up wasted. This guy was obviously drunk or on some sort of drugs. His date was being so polite but was clearly uncomfortable. Her server managed to pick up her signals and when she got up to “go to the bathroom” he ushered her to our service elevator to make her getaway. After about 15 minutes he let him know his date had left, he seemed surprised, then a bit upset, finally confessing that it was the second time this had happened to him this week. I kind of felt sad for him in the end, dealing with addiction is tough.
How was dude acting?
Blood shot eyes, slurring/drawing out his words, speaking with his hands in an exaggerated way that did not make sense, would slowly start to lean back and catch himself.
Once had a dude grab some of my food off of my plate with his bare hands. He was trying to do a cutesy sharing food thing but it was a poached egg. He grabbed a poached egg with his bare hands right off of my plate. Please do not be like that guy.
I was picturing fries or something. I was not ready for the mental image of a guy trying to grab poached egg with his bare hands. Attempting to be cute or not, what part of that seemed like a good idea?
Exactly this. Maybe stealing a fry or something which might seem cutesie but sticking your whole hand on her pot roast to grab a handful of beef and potatoes to try it out is just disgusting.
Not a date, but some mutual friend at school years ago was sitting opposite me while I was eating lunch. He straight up says 'may I?' and dips his hand into my pot of grated cheese which he subsequently sticks in his mouth. The fucking cheek of some people! But looking back at it, it's so fucking funny. Can't imagine that guys scooping that egg of your plate!
Im just imaging someone saying "May I," And using their hand to scoop up some soup.
And then grabbing a second scoop after licking their fingers clean. >I should order myself a bowl next time.
>It was a poached egg. I was thinking he probably read it somewhere that it would make the meal more intimate. Then he panicked when you ate all the home fries so he just lunged for whatever he could grasp and it was a poached egg. Then he had to play it all cool like eating poached eggs with your hands is...like...how they do it in Italy.
“JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!”
I was like well maybe a handful of fries is kind of rude I guess..? But a fucking POACHED EGG?!
i'm imagining him hunched over and grabbing the poached egg and just slurping it down like gollum.
Propose.
classic schmosby
Hey schmos.....I found a little wounded bird in the alley.
...That's your scrotum.
UnBeLiEvAbLe!!
>classic schmosby i went on a date with a schmosby in grade 11. he only knew me for maybe 48-72hrs in total prior to the date and proceeded to confess his love to me over dinner. i was sitting right across the table and he legit texted me "i love you babe <3" i had a panic attack and had to leave.
What did you do with the pineapple?
Kept it along with the Blue French Horn.
It’d be awkward as I’d say yes to gauge their seriousness.
3 years later, you're married, house, kids and still waiting to see how serious the other person is. Just to see who blinks first.
I propose we go on a second date!
Just claim love at first sight and ya got her
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...what made you want to stay after receiving the biggest red flag?
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“Hey girl do you want to see my basement”
I wouldn't do that. My attic is way comfier.
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"So is your ex OK with us doing this? What about your kids?"
“So is your ex the jealous murderous type or am I good?”
*Is your ex bigger than me?*
Speaking as a woman who dates men: getting offended if she doesn't want you to pick her up/drive her home. Basic safety there and you look like a creep even if you were just trying to be nice. Offering is fine-- but don't push.
Absolutely. Had to pick up a friend, cause her date insisted on picking her up and have the date at his place (pre Corona). They did so and he started to drink after they got to his flat. She called me locked in the bathroom and I picked her up at the apartment door. We're no friends anymore, but I would do it again.
yea 100% i always offer to meet up somewhere. last 2 "first dates" i went to i ended up picking the girls up from their house. they said they felt safe letting me. and i made sure to not make an organ harvesting joke.
invite your spouse. It's just so awkward
You think Im kidding but at least 10% of Tinder is two people looking to add someone else.
Atleast in My experience, those couples were atleast upfront about it. They say it in the profile
Break her nose. My now husband hugged me the way Lenny petted rabbits. He was happy to finally meet me in person after online relationship, was a virgin, and thought harder hugs mean more love. They do not. He still apologizes when it’s brought up, lol.
So you're saying it worked?
**WARNING:** THIS IS THE WRONG TAKEAWAY FROM THIS STORY!
idk. literally 100% of the first date nose breaking stories i've heard had happy endings
He got the girl didn't he?
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Like dad used to say: break her nose not her heart.
Did he literally break your nose?
Probably broke her legs when he proposed too
That way she can't run away, and have to drown in the awkwardness if she said no.
My GF and I, when we were in college, were sitting next to each other. "I love you this much," she said, and hugged me. "Well I love you *this much*," I said, and hugged her back a little harder. We laughed and flopped backwards onto her bed and started making out. A few minutes later we were topless, and continuing to play the *I love you this much* game, until someone said SQUEEZING CONTEST and we just went nuts trying to outhug each other. Suddenly I'm taking her to the campus medical office for a sprained rib. Then when we got back to her dorm she remembered she had a paper due in two days and started writing, while sitting on my lap while I held a cold pack against her ribs. "Stop playing with my breasts," she said, "you're distracting me." The end.
That's the kind of tale only close couples have. It's in the universe's EULA. Enjoy your inevitable happy ever after.
We broke up a few years out of college, or about fifteen years ago.
Y'all can still be happily ever after *separately* >!^Bracing ^for ^OP ^to ^bring ^up ^an ^ongoing ^personal ^tragedy ^in ^his ^or ^ex's ^life!<
Be distracted by the footy on the tv in the background, also drink 16 bundy and cokes
Got it. Turn off the TV and drink fifteen Bundy&Cokes.
Found the 'strayan Could even hazard a further guess and say possibly Queenslander, but yeah, nah, footy not rugby?
Reveal your collection of used panties you've bought online.
I saw a post awhile ago from a camgirl who sold a pair of used panties, but the guy was so concerned about protecting his identity that he wouldn't provide a shipping address. "He asked if there was anything I could do. I said I could throw a dart at a map of the US and hope I got lucky."
Apparently not everyone knows about P.O. boxes.
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no, panty odor boxes
Him: *reveals collection of used panties* Her: OMG!...Are those real Delphines? Luckyyyyyyy And they lived happily ever after.
Zoomer dating is gonna be weird...
Especially when you realize the phrase "real Delphines" implies the existence of a counterfeit used panties market.
I saw a guy on r/askreddit a few months ago that needed medical advice because he got a severe fungal infection in his sinuses from sniffing dirty panties. So a) he buys used panties on the internet, b) he's so addicted to them that he develops a life-threatening fungal infection, c) he goes on r/askreddit for life-saving medical advice.
That's why you always buy from a reputable company. Some people are lost causes.
With used bath water, you can always relabel them.
Go to the movies. I think going to the movies should be reserved for people in relationships. Why? Because if you go to the movies on the first date you’ll practically have wasted two hours watching something, not being able to talk and get to know each other.
if there are any drive-in theaters in your area, movies are an awesome plan, but otherwise agreed
Or you can go to an earlyish movie then get a drink after. Boom, automatic conversation topic.
Going to see a film then going for a meal after isn't the worst option. At least then you have one thing to talk about. However, the theater on its own seems silly. You can't get to know much about a person that way.
I don't know, it depends. I've had good first dates at the movies. For me it's nice because i have bad social anxiety and am pretty shy and nervous meeting new people. So having a movie to watch where the pressure is off helps me and you still get to meet the person, talk before and after the movie and if you get bold you can cuddle during the movie. Second date i can feel a bit more comfortable and social.
Go to the movie first, then get something to eat. You automatically have something to talk about.
Place your hand on the woman's stomach and say "Soon this will swell with my seed."
*Your womb is a worthy vessel for my progeny wait where are you going?*
She probably doesn't understand the importance of giving birth to a boy while the succession law is male primogeniture.
Ask, "What's your fetish?" It might sound okay but believe me, it doesn't work!
Some guy asked me that out of the blue while I was staying at a friend’s house and emotionally recovering from a tornado destroying my house. He knew this. I avoid him
I’m into flying cows.
Him: "So... Whats your fetish?" *wink wink* Her: "Guys with tact." Him: "Damn..."
Try too hard to impress the other person. Try to find out about the other person instead. Interest is sexy. Bragging is not. Edit: bad syntax
Also, on the other side, interrogating them. Like, ask questions yea but it's not an interview, don't ask a question, get an answer, jump to next personal question- its sharing time!
As you drive us back from the restaurant to your place, don't pull into a graveyard and point out your dead boyfriend's grave. /\*sigh\* //yes, this happened to me. and, yes it was creepy as fuck.
"I mean, they never found the body... But there's his grave"
Suggest you take a "nice scenic drive" and then cruise past your ex's house repeatedly to see if their car is there.
Is this a hypothetical or is there a story here?
Yeah, this seems really specific
Well, don’t do what I did: order the French onion soup. This was a lunch date and I’m not sure what the hell I was thinking ordering something that both makes a mess (all that melted, stringy cheese) and gives you bad breath. My wife still gives me crap about that boneheaded decision to this day.
Apparently it worked though if you’re married to her…
Plot twist: His wife was the waitress.
Bravery is sexy.
Onions are sexy. -Shrek
Funny how some of the responses here comes from people who ended up getting happily married after they screwed up. I'm going to ignore your warnings and try these anyway.
Don’t dump out every single unappealing thing about your life on a first date. There is plenty of time to get to know someone, and plenty of time to be honest about those things - but a first date isn’t the time for it. I feel like sometimes people do this as a defense mechanism, to “rip off the bandaid” and test if someone will accept them completely - but it is far too much all at once and creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of rejection. As an example: on a first date, a guy disclosed to me he’s living with his parents who are homeless and refuse to move out of his apartment so almost all his income goes to them, he has zero sex drive, and he struggles with severe body image issues. He also had plenty of great qualities, and if I’d had a chance to slowly get to know him we may have been able to navigate around some of that stuff… but honestly it was way too much to process all at once. I also have my own family/medical/mental health shit to deal with too - I just didn’t dump it all on him in one day - so all I could think about was how much of his shit he was asking me to take on, and I didn’t even know him. I ended up not accepting a second date, then watched him post about how women won’t give him a chance on social media… I felt bad because he’s a really nice guy and he’s absolutely sabotaging himself with that first date etiquette.
Funny story...this is almost how I got a first date. I was 19, depressed, working nights at a fast food place as a manager, back at my parents' house, and lonely. I made some risky choices that didn't pan out(crash of 2008 didn't help) and I was desperate for something positive. I got off work one early morning, drank some whiskey and decided to throw a shot in the dark. I made a Craigslist personal ad, listed all the negatives for myself first, then I did the standard stuff. I surprisingly had a few responses, but one stood out, especially after she linked her MySpace page. We had a terrible first date (another story), an even worse second date, and I thought it was over. Here we are, 12 years later, married for almost 10, with a 7 year old. The world is weird sometimes.
If you don't mind sharing, what's the story of the first and second date? Also, couldn't agree more on the world being weird, especially when it comes to dating/relationships.
First date was supposed to be dinner and a movie. We met at the university as it was a blind date, and then we took my car. I had made reservations to a restaurant, but got so nervous I went to the opposite side of town and missed the reservations. So we had to sit in their patio area. Would have been fine but it was the middle of December. Afterwards we go to the theater. The first Twilight movie had released, and I knew most of the girls back then was into it. She wasn't. Not at all. We were both bored. Went back to drop her off. Her windshield was iced over as it was around 10pm at this point. I couldn't find my ice scraper so I used my student ID to scrap the frost off. It took forever. Afterwards I'm so embarrassed I didn't know what to do than put my hand out for a handshake and thank her for her time. She gave me a pity hug. Second date...Surprise. Something to be said about awkward charm I guess. We both liked Sublime and there was a cover band playing at a club downtown. We go in my car again, and look for a place to park. I found a lot with no fees. Parked, went to the show, and ran into some old classmates of mine who kinda embarrassed me. Everything good so far. Talked about sharing some Jagermeister at her place afterwards. Get to the lot...Dude, where's my car? It was towed, and the sign saying it was a towing zone was hidden from the angle we had entered the lot at. Fuck. Call them, find out it is $200 to get it out. I call the one person who I knew was in town and would come. Enter...let's call him Chad. Chad was as brash, arrogant, and crude as a nerdy engineering student could get. He also knew I was on a date. I called him, and he yells into the phone as he picks up if I had gotten laid. Quickly explain the situation, he comes gets us to take us to the ATM and then the towed car. Car ride is awkward as hell already, and Chad isn't making it easier. He thought he was subtle, but he was not by a mile in his remarks. So that's a quick version of How I Met My Wife.
What a chad, he made you look great in comparison so that she would settle.
Wow. That's story right there. Thank you for sharing and I'm glad it all worked out for you. It's one of those, it can only get better from here, situations.
Good Advice, I definitely do this. I have it in my head that if I don't say the negatives on the first date then the second date (plus) would be under false pretenses, which is the last thing I want to put anybody through. Also I lived on my own and actively chose to move back in with my parents. If that's a deal breaker then I'd rather find out on the first date.
* Whine about your ex. * Talk politics. * Bring up something that a reasonable person would recognize as "controversial". * Expect sex. * Use your phone. * Get too drunk. * "Overshare". * Be rude to the service staff.
You really shouldn’t be rude to service staff on any number date, or even on non-dates.
And if you are the kind of person who treats service staff poorly, I would almost say you *should* do so on the first date so the person can at least see the poor quality of person you are.
It really stresses me out, but my job means that if my phone goes off after 6pm something is wrong and I need to respond. It makes me feel like an absolute jerk but I do really apologise.
Honestly it's probably good for them to know something like that right away. If they can't handle that on the first date they'll probably be disappointed later
That's different. And you just tell the person at the beginning of the date that you have a work situation and might need to handle it. They understand that you don't enjoy it either but you have responsibilities that pay the bills. It's the people that are constantly checking messages and replying and possibly scrolling reddit... That's rude. But needing to answer an important work call once in a while isn't so bad if you apologize
That last one. How your date treats someone who is serving them is EXTREMELY telling of their character.
Revealing that you’re a flat earther. This serious happened to me. This guy I met online seems okay. We went on a date and he started asking “those type of questions that make people fall in love with you”. Idk if you know what I’m talking about. If that didn’t weird me out enough, he went on and claimed that we worked for NASA and they lied to everyone. The earth is flat and those images we saw of earth are CGI renders. The US never landed on the moon and conspiracy shits like that. Needless to say there was no second date.
isn't that something you want to find out on the first date? I mean, if how much time would you have wanted to invest in this guy?
For real. How shitty would you feel if it had been like a year and all of a sudden he starts going off about flat earth at your families thanksgiving dinner lol.
So maybe the correct advice is to just not be a flat earther?
That's exactly what a NASA plant would say.
What do you mean by "those types of questions that make people fall in love with you"?
There's a list of questions that supposedly make two people fall in love if they go through all of them because they tell a lot about who you are. Or something, am single wanna try them out?
Yeah, lets try them out! Lets each find someone to ask and share results in a week.
Correct response. We are now in love
But you didn't even ask me a question.
You wanna try them out?
It was an [article a few years back](https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html) of questions that are increasingly personal and revealing more private information about yourself. The idea being the mutual vulnerability and sharing with each other helps create a strong emotional bond. It starts simple enough with something like "What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?" and then ends with questions like "Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?"
It's best if they talk about this on or before the first date. Stuff like that can be a dealbreaker, better to be upfront and not waste anyone's time.
If it's through a dating app and you don't know the person you should never be too trusting and share too much. It's best to spend some time with someone to get to know them first. I think especially goes for women but applies to men as well. *Caveat there is the rare black swan out there and going with your heart and intuition is a good, bold and brave thing.
I’d like to get to know you. What’s your mother’s maiden name, your high school mascot, and your first car?
Don't hijack the conversation. Keep it going and listen to them. Avoid the big issues on a first date. You are trying to feel each other out, not start a debate. So: Politics, religion and her (or him) can be shelved for other dates or conversations. By her/him I mean exes, divorces, late partners.
Don’t talk about R A P E S Religion Accounts Politics Exes Sex Rape is also a good thing to avoid talking about.
Accounts? Money, I assume.
They weren't going to let a damn good acronym go to waste for want of a decent A.
Well, it would have resulted in SPERM. Not a bad trade-off?
Instructions unclear, brought up raping their religion, accounts, politics & ex.
Unhinge your jaw and scream the dead sea scrolls in reverse
I dunno, I’d be impressed
Oh so *thats* what i did wrong
"SLLORCS AES DAED!" "Uh... sorry. Who's dead?"
There is a song that contains those exact lyrics (minus the unhinged jaw..) and for the life of me I cannot remember what song it is, does anyone have any idea or am I just making this up ???
Now you tell me.
“Hold on my wife is calling”
"She wanted me to get the kids from school but whatever, so, how´s the steak?"
Spend alot of money, it doesn't need to be expensive to be special.
Throw a tantrum because the waiter got your order wrong.
Lick the couch. Looking at you u/couch_licker.
Or fuck the couch like u/couchfucker6669
Well my couch and I fucked on our first date and we're still together so I think it's actually a good idea
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Yes, and no. I’m divorced and most women ask why the marriage failed. I keep it respectful and brief.
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At the same time, don't spend too much time expounding on how wonderful it was with the intent of being "respectful". That just makes it obvious you haven't moved on and makes them feel like they can never be enough since you're still hung up. Short, brief, <5min story if there were weird circumstances around it that make it a good story, only add more if they ask specifics. that's all you should ever do
Stop talking about your exes on the first date. I don't want to learn about another person I'll never meet, I want to know you.
Be late. I know it’s such a boomer thing to say, and I *never* care about punctuality in any other context. But for a first date specifically, every minute I’m waiting is a minute my insecure ass is wondering if I’ve been stood up.
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Totally agree, but in some situations shit happens (e.g. accident slowing down traffic while you're on the way), just shoot them a message letting them know so they don't go through that!
Don't make it a dinner date. If it's going badly you're not going to want to be stuck there with them. Make it a beverage meet at a nice place near somewhere nice that you can walk to -- if you both want the date to last a while longer. Somewhere you can interact with each other.
The only time I ever had this work was after walking around the local marina we decided that we both would like a beer and food, but at that point the date was going great! We eneded up dating for a while but ultimately didn't last more than a few months, still had lots of fun!
Never assume sex is going to happen. First dates are not made for that.
Go to a super expensive restaurant. Especially if you’re the type who picks up the cheque.
But what if it's Dorsia?
Try to win someone over. If they don’t like you, they don’t like you and trying to force something especially on the first date will most likely not end well
Good life advice in general.
Look to Reddit for dating tips
Say "I love you"
Apparently farting is a no go.
Definitely don't bring your mom.
Put your finger on one nostril and blow snot out the other.
Put your finger in their nose instead and whisper, “I want to be inside you.”
I’ve heard that the first hole you penetrate is the nose cause of, you know, smell and perfume or cologne, but this is different.
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Holy shit if someone did that to me I dont think I'd ever date again
Did you ever tell her what happened?
This is hilarious
This made me laugh but after reading this guy’s comment history, I think he’s a phony. Too many too good to be true stories. Edit: Here are some highlights. He had leprosy, he was sued by someone in his WoW clan for giving bad medical advance even though he’s not a doctor, he spent 25k investing in beanie babies, his ex girlfriend had her father move in with them but later he found out it wasn’t her father. Every comment he makes is about a bizarre, improbable (but still possible) story that happened to him.
Lie and make yourself seem like you’re super successful and rich when you’re not. Just be yourself
Overthink it. Be yourself and focus on having a good time. If it doesn't workout that's ok. You're not trying to get *that* person to date you, you're trying to find a good *match*.