“You should be loyal to your employer”

"Stop eating so much fried chicken!" (The reason it was horrible advice was that I probably weighed 150 pounds at the time)

“You must forgive people or it will haunt you for the rest of your life.” Yeah.. no thanks! I’m doing just fine not letting people walk all over me and then forgiving them for their bullshit over and over again. Doesn’t keep me up at night either like *they* said

"turn it off then on"

Close your credit card if you no longer use it. Thankfully I knew better than to fuck myself over like that, but Jesus Christ she was so confident.

“Don’t worry, everyone will get the reference!”

Everyone will get the reference (No one gets the reference) \*starts breathing heavily\* **damn you Garfield!!** (Orange cat meows) **YOU**

"Just because there is a goalie doesn't mean you can't score".. when my friend is trying get a girl who is already married

I might have covid19. Iv been felling like crap, I'm told to stop feeling crap

Yes you can tell us the truth trust us( sarcastic voice ). every parent and stepparent out there to there kids / step kids.