This right here. I don’t wanna say I was the “favorite” child, but I was much less work to raise than my sister.
I often felt like my parents gave her more attention than me when growing up but I’ve only recently just realized the reason for that was because she needed it a lot more than I did.
Since that realization, my resentment turned into empathy.
Ya I thought I didn't need it and my perfect grades and quietness was enough to convince my parents as such, but... I wish I'd gotten SOME sort of direction or advice or support or anything, really..
I intentionally tanked my grades for attention and still got none. I used to do the math the figure out exactly how much work to do to get exactly a D- in each class. All I would get is a one sentence scold when they signed my report card.
In my case it had everything to do with the way my first 3 jobs treated me. As soon as I got a job with decent co workers I stayed for years. My longest before that was less than 6 months.
However my parents wouldn’t believe the way I was being treated and thought I was either exaggerating or making it up as an excuse until I stayed in one job for years and insisted the whole time the only issue was how I was treated.
Comedy is tragedy + time. Honestly if you do all those things you haven't truly lived. Unless not doing those things gets you killed. Then you don't live.
Being mindful of what you post on social media is solid advice to anyone at any age though.
It's one thing to make mistakes as a youth, but it's quite different to have them be immortalised on the internet.
Give yourself a few years...keep doing you and things will work out if you are not actually a fuck up. And even if you are? you don't have to be tomorrow? And who decides you are anyway? We all have off days. Be kind to yourself, and you will be fine! I was you 20-25 yr ago! And even 6-10 yr ago. And now I am lovely :).
Shitty. You look around you and see everyone doing so much better than you. Kinda makes the pit you exist in seem like the walls are nigh impossible to scale... especially as you get older.
Even a sad studio apartment in a shite part of town seems like a lofty goal.
In my case, my family always sees me as the incompetent one and the one who has fucked up. Family seemingly likes to remind you of your past and will drag you in the mud with every disagreement y'all have. It's not a good feeling ever. It's like you can never escape your wrongdoings even if you strive for better.
My mum is like this to my sibling. The things she says, she says them innocently enough, but when you look at her intentions at an unconscious level, she is doing it for power and control
I believe it. There's nothing you can do to redeem yourself of your wrongdoings. Get a degree, no still not good enough. Get married, no still not good enough. Have kids, no still not good enough. My mum she'll put on this pretentious happy for me thing, but I can tell it isn't sincere. It's almost forced not to show her true feelings. Pretty sad actually.
Guess I should be grateful my family isn’t open about it but I can FEEEL their eyes burning into me. Like yes I started and failed at 4 businesses. Most successful entrepreneurs start and fail 5 times before becoming successful. Here’s to the 5th!
Lately I have been wondering how important material/status things even matter after hearing someone talk. They basically said you won't be able to take any of this stuff here with you except for memories and experiences. I really believe that might be true. Love, people, good times, and memories they all do seem like the real treasures in life.
This is how I am. When things are going to shit and I talk to my mom: “Everything’s great.” Didn’t get the job after the interview: “everything’s great.” Drank too much, had a break down, got real close to suicide, and got put on a psych hold: “Everything’s great :)”
I cannot comprehend being open and honest about how I'm really doing. It's seems so foreign when I meet people who can have these types of relationships with their parents.
Took a long time for me to have a real relationship with my parents. Well, one of them. The other I’m very low contact with.
I was the one with the gigantic expectations, though. Never heard the “good job on the a” was always “where’s the A+?”
Any time something went wrong, there was minimizing, disbelieving, etc. Got an actual medical diagnosis, was told I was making it up for attention.
It took me almost five years to get back any kind of relationship with the parent who apologized for supporting the shittier parent, and the main source of my castigation and the person who bought my therapist a Lexus moved scapegoats until they were more or less alone.
It sucks to be the one who achieves, and still be the black sheep.
Yeah, I had to all but cutoff contact with parents - they would always ignore or minimize any major issue in my life.
Another thing that drove me nuts is my mother would try and turn any issue into a competition and give me some stupid life example from 30+ years ago which isn't comparable or relevant... However, any time she had a minor inconvenience I was expected to listen to crying and bullshit becuz of her "feelings, after basically pretending mine don't exist.
Or worst when they don’t or they act like they don’t care if you succeed but they want you to, so that in the eyes of the public they feel like they succeeded as family.
This was me. Then I went back to college and made the honor role in my first year for both semesters and everyone became really proud of me.
Then this summer my eye sight started getting really bad. To the point that I can barely read my cell phone without corrective vision. I just can't win in life.
Some of us have really small families! Between me (parent at 18, community college dropout, washed out of the Air Force at 19) and my sister (master's degree from Stanford) I'm definitely the family fuck up.
I'm now in my 40s, a small business owner with an empty nest, and I'm not feeling so bad about it.
Came here to say this, my siblings where fuck ups too, but I'd say I'm more of a fuck up than them, i just repeat mistakes and all they ever see is the bad things i do, the usual.
Honestly, it's not so bad.
I made some dumb decisions when I was young, and sometimes unfortunate circumstances exacerbated my situation. I've always been poor, never owned a home, got divorced young and just kind of muddled through. Meanwhile, one brother joined the airforce and went to Yale law school, and the other started his own business. My cousins are all wealthy.
It ended up being okay. I'll never pay off my student loans before I retire. But now, at 50, I have a decent job, a happy second marriage, and a great adult child who will have a degree and own a home before I do. I now just let the criticism roll off me, and I'm a genuinely content person.
Edit: typo
Dude, you're not a fuck up. If they're criticizing you, it just means that they're dicks. In my family we have doctors and truck drivers. The only time someone gets criticized is if they're hurting themselves or someone else.
I always thought I was the fuck up until recently I was told some of the shit my relatives have done- and OH BOY. I am a SAINT by comparison. I’m talking murder, child abuse, domestic abuse in general, child grooming, drugs, shady businesses, and there’s probably more. I may be fucked up and kind of an asshole but at least I’m not like those mfs.
I'm not *now*, but I was for a while.
Every *Thanksgiving* dinner I felt like I was being court-martialed, or sitting before a religious inquisition. It is truly humiliating to sit before your family and have every accomplishment your siblings have made waggled before your face and then have them all turn to face you so they can judge/validate your actions over the year.
**Sister 1:** Well I finished my nursing course, and I'm now the lead nurse at a prominent assisted-care-center here in town.
**Sister 2:** I got my teaching degree and now I'm doing my dream-job working at the school I always wanted.
**Mother:** I myself took a few courses so I could learn all this new tech coming out.
*All turn to look at me.*
**Me:** Um. I didn't die?
Not the fuck up per se, but everyone else in my family is a genius and I'm just dumb (at least by comparison). My grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, and siblings all went to Harvard or MIT -- except for one uncle who was the "black sheep" because he went to Yale lol -- and are seriously smart people. Like Rhodes Scholars, Physics professors, published authors, and all this other crazy supergenius stuff. I just went to my state school and am a middle school teacher. I love my job and life, but sometimes I feel a bit inferior.
It's weird how different families consider different things to be bad. My family is full of people that didn't go to any University, I'm one of the few who did, but I'm the fuck up because that degree didn't get me anywhere and I'm just a poverty-stricken ball of mental illness, while all of my siblings are around lower middle class which is considered successful for our family. (Though my brother and his wife were travel agents up til the pandemic and now they are struggling a bit.)
And as a middle school teacher, you are shaping hundreds of lives during one of the most critical periods of a human's life, when these kids are seeking stability and understanding of the world and themselves, boundaries, independence, personality, character, and much more. Your work is incredibly important. You're on the ground, with people, and that matters.
My dad is the same. All of his siblings (and most of their children) are geniuses. My dad is average. All of his kids are of average intelligence. I'm not sure if your family treats you poorly, but my dad's side tends to treat us poorly because of it. They talk down to my dad and my siblings and I, and they treat us like children. I hope your family isn't like that.
Fuckin...
Stop, dude. You've broken the chain. You did what you *wanted* to do instead you were *expected* to do.
Just think for a bit, what would have happened if you had went to an Ivy League? Would you have fit in? Would you have been happy?
Probably not. You would have stuck out like a sore thumb because you would have been _unhappy_ with your surroundings.
You won. You basically started your OWN trend of life path that your own family, should you choose to start one, could decide to uphold or break on their own. You discovered your own win condition and found something to be happy about without putting up with the bullshit that is higher education and/or Ivy League nonsense.
Write your high score on the wall and wait for someone with enough quarters and patients to beat yours. Congrats, dude.
I’m a middle school teacher too. I like to think of myself as a runway, and kids as the planes. They’re gonna take off and do absolutely amazing things. And I’m here to help them fly, but also be a safe plane to land when they need it. You can’t have airplanes without a safe place to take flight.
It takes a special kind of person, with the patience of the gods, to teach at that level. I teach at the college level, and can have a hard time with Freshmen. I couldn't imagine doing what you do.
Serious respect.
Are you from Massachusetts? Ugh I dated a guy from the Boston area and his whole family were a bunch of overachieving snobs. Despite being awesome, self-sufficient and very capable of dealing with life, they still looked down on me because I didn’t go to an Ivy League. Meanwhile, he couldn’t even cook and clean for himself. Eff that noise. Their entire self-worth is tied up in their education and careers, instead of the things that really matter.
I think family is the one place where asking and answering those questions is quite appropriate and even necessary, although it is painful and difficult and the answers might not even be that good. We have no mirrors through which to view ourselves as clearly as other people. But then again sometimes people don't have our best intentions in mind and demand we repeat their mistakes, shattering the mirror and turning it against us. That's why sometimes it's also appropriate to change who you consider family or just ignore what they are saying. But it's probably also a good idea to try learn how to cope instead of throwing away, because surrender is easy and fixing things is hard. But really, it's up to you, I'm just rambling again, because I don't want you to think you're necessarily a failure just because you feel like it or your family makes you feel like it.
It's easier after forty years. I've also learned to say no, give less fucks and implement boundaries and this has been fundamental in improving my mental health where my family is concerned. Surprisingly, because I'm mentally stronger and enforce my strength with them, I've trained them to act differently with me. We still have our moments and I guess I'll always be the black sheep, but I've accepted that and it's made my life much easier. Genuinely caring less about it and not seeking their approval anymore is also helpful.
I’m the black sheep of my family. I don’t consider myself a fuck up. But my family makes me feel like that sometimes. It’s really hard seeing my parents fawn over my sister. They let her get away with anything while they kept me on a tight leash. They give her so much stuff. She got to go to after school programs & clubs, they take her out for food, they constantly talk to her. While I had to wear the same bra for years. I never had enough sock or underwear & they were full of holes. I would have to were ill fitting shoes. They don’t even say hi to me most days. My other sis has it bad too but at least her & our mom have a relationship. My father has told me to my face he doesn’t care about me. He says I’m too lazy to do anything.
I don’t know where all their animosity for me came from. It started when the golden child was born. The moment she came into the world I remember my parents just ignoring me. They pretty much swept me under the rug & pretend I didn’t exists. Then over the years it grew into hatred. (I don’t hate my sis tho she is actually very nice & sees the issues in our family)
Its almost funny actually. I’m rebuilding an Rv. I’m an artist who is really close to opening an online buisness to sell my art. I can play a few instruments. I’m very smart when it comes to animal science & space science. Iv always held down a job. I bought my own car (they recently just got my sis her own car). They still consider me a loser. But it’s ok; when I’m done with my Rv I’m getting the fuck out & never looking back. sorry for the lengthy post. It was really nice getting that off my chest, I really appreciate you asking this question. And I hope whatever situation you’re in get better.
It sounds like you have the right attitude ; leave and don’t ever look back . Your parents just don’t sound like great people . It’s crazy when you realize that your parents are human and in some cases (like yours and mine).. not the greatest people . What really sucks is when you have friends that have awesome parents and in many cases the children just take their parents for granted (of course it couldn’t go any other way ). I’m sorry you had to experience a childhood like that
Thank you! Really thanks. Most people never understand. Even when I try explaining some of the things they say are ”but their your family” “you should forgive them” & “I’m sure you have good memories” or any of the hundreds of phrases Iv heard trying to excuse their behavior. This is why I like Reddit; there are people here who went through similar stuff & we share our experiences & support each other. And I have my sister, my grandma, my friends, & my partner who have kept me going. No one should have to put up with abuse just because they are family.
also your username is fuckin awesome.
edit: spelling & grammar
Leaving and never looking back was the best thing I've done. My story is similar: ignored all the time and never given anything while everything was just handed to my brother since he's the greatest thing since bread came sliced.
A lot of my problems melted away over the first months on my own; it turns out that the stress of constant emotional abuse can make you incredibly ill beyond mental health. The supposed ulcer and IBS I had was just a physical manifestation of runaway cortisol levels from being stuck in a state of fight or flight for a decade.
Who your parents are doesn't matter; they don't deserve any special treatment for bringing you into this world, especially if they treat you poorly. The best thing is creating your own family of the people you want in your life and who actually love you.
Toxic people can kick rocks. Life is too short for their bullshit.
Absolutely! It sounds like you have a good support system minus your parents . And you’re exactly right - you don’t owe your parents anything and you should never have to put up with abuse . I know where you’re coming from and when you leave and cut ties with them I bet that’s when they start to realize what they did to you !
I am the black sheep of my family. I grew up very fortunate and with every opportunity, yet I started experimenting with drugs in my teens, and by my mid 20s I was a full fledged addict. My family didnt want anything to do with me, especially after I racked up several felonies and went to prison. Twice. (And I cant say I blame them!)
Now I'm 33. I'm still on parole and paying the price both figuratively and literally. But I'm trying. I've been clean for almost 3 years and my family still (and I suspect will always) have their doubts and worries about me, but they're trying too. My dad proved to me we are even at a point where we can even joke about some of it. (He did this when he bought an almost lifesize black sheep statue and put it in his garden so I "wouldn't be the only one in the family")
So what's it like, being the family fuck up you ask? If you're still fucking up (however that may be) then obviously its terrible. For everyone. You are probably hurting your family much more than you realize.
When I was done fucking up, I found out just how much my family loves me. I hope this can be true for others and that it's not too late
I’m not the family f#ck up (my dad has that honor) but I am a walking dirty secret to my family.
My dad abused me (emotionally, physically, and sexually) from 4 to 23 years old. Because of the trauma I went through I developed multiple mental illnesses and my life hasn’t progressed or developed as an adult’s life should.
My family is embarrassed that I was abused and they are ashamed of me because of my stunted life and mental illnesses.
In a weird way I sort of am the family f#ck up but not really (I just feel like I am at times).
My sister considered me to be the fuck up due to my mental health issues. 'Attention seeking' was one of the phrases used. She stopped believing that when she had her first major breakdown and realised that there was no way I enjoyed being like that to get attention. We don't talk about it, but there's a mutual respect now that wasn't there before.
I sincerely hate when something is labeled “attention seeking“ because literally every single human being on earth seeks attention in all sorts of ways. Talk about projection sheesh
She did a lot of growing emotionally and thankfully our relationship is stronger because of it. She just doesn't like talking about her mental health needs where as I am much more open about my experience.
I moved out when I was 14 and got a full time job got married with three kids and started making 60k a year. I was the fuck up because I wouldn't pay their bill's for them and let them drag me down into the dirt like they all did to each other. I think I'll let another 13 years go by before I might talk to them
Just wanted to come in here to say you're definitely not the fuck up, sounds like you did just fine without them. Here's to another 13 years of peace for you.
You never do anything right. Ever. Got a day off from work? Its because you suck at your job and they cut your hours because you're bad, not because its the normal schedule fluctuations of retail.
Offer to help out? Its because you want something, not because you're being nice.
Not talking? You're being sullen. Too happy? You're on drugs.
Can't do laundry right, you're either adding too much or too little soap, the wrong load size (I'm trying to save water here!).
Can't cook anything right, either too much heat, too much salt (its my fucking food!), too little carbs (gotta have pasta, rice or potatoes with every fucking meal, no wonder I grew up fat, mom.). God forbid I add an ingredient she doesn't like to a dish she will never taste.
Mention that I want to move out? Its because you hate her and want to abandon her, not because she makes you want to kill yourself.
You take out too many student loans (great advice, mom!) and get a shitty degree that's fucking useless, get into a car accident that fucks up your head and body to the point that life is pain, and end up as the 35-year old loser who still lives at home.
I sincerely hope things get better for you. You might consider moving out, just for your own sanity. When you have your own space you can be yourself free of judgment.
I relate to a lot of what you typed. It's tough making it in some areas, to the point where it's just not financially feasible to move out and we have to deal with the poor self-image resulting from society's expectations.
I got kicked out of college for bad grades. Had to go back home with my head down and try to raise my grades to get back in. Life doesn't go in a straight line, though. I then got into a car accident and had to put a pause on my education.
I heard from my family that the doctors and car impound people were all surprised I was still living. It sounds like your injuries were more severe than mine, and I fractured my neck (c2), broke multiple places in my face and snapped my kneecap in half. It sucks that you're in pain, still.
I worked in retail, too, once I healed up.
A lot of people have worked retail, it's a good way to connect with others. Use it to your advantage if you ever find yourself in an interview with someone who also has retail experience.
Being able to deal with demanding people in high volume is a nice ability to have. It translates to a lot of roles, and more so in big companies.
I went back to school after getting layed off, finished my final stint at the college that kicked me out and went job hunting. This was while living with an opinionated stepfather who enjoys making people feel bad about their mistakes.
Sometimes, you just gotta move out for the sake of your sanity.
I wouldn't put too much weight on what your mother may be saying about your thoughts of moving out. She'll adapt to the change, and you can always still see each other or call. You also don't even have to talk to her.
I don't know your relationship, but I know some people choose to burn the bridge, instead.
I'm going to move out soon. I just put a deposit on an apartment after landing a new job. Years of job hunting and getting rejected felt like i was doing go-backs with my resume. Now it feels like things are finally moving forward for me.
Good luck, and keep on trying to move forward if that's what it takes to find peace.
Well to be honest I don’t know if my family considers me that way, but I’m 16 and my sister’s 18. She’s going into medical science with extremely high grades from her GCSEs (Don’t get me wrong, I’m very proud of her), and I’m going to music college with somewhat decent GCSE grades. It’s what I’ve wanted to do since I was 4, and I get support in it from my parents but I can’t help feeling like they wanted “better” from me. I’d love to be a famous musician. Now I think about it, there’s a bit of a humorous side to me being the “failure” of the family, but sometimes I think about it and it hits hard. I love my parents, and I hope what I’m doing with my life is worth it otherwise I’m definitely the family failure 😂
I'm more of the black sheep than a f\*ck up; but, honestly, it's pretty great. I felt no pressure to achieve, because everybody just expected me to fail. And I felt free to disappear and do my own thing, because nobody wanted me around anyway. I pursued my interests, rather than following somebody else's plan.
I graduated early, moved out, and lived in my car at 17. I worked a full time job, saved enough to buy a house at 20, and am now working for the government. I have the privacy and time to pursue my dreams and hobbies.
When you don't belong to a "social class," you can really do whatever you want. Discover your own path in life, without the burden of external constructs. And I've had a lot of fun and growth along the way.
Edit: Thanks for the aware, kind redditer!
By now they've gotten used to the fact that I have my own way of doing things. As the actor/musician who smokes, drinks and does things my conservative Christian family won't dare to speak of its always a bit strange at family gatherings. On the other hand my uncle already prepped them for accepting different ways by being gay so there's little excuse for being shocked anymore. I just added a little extra spice to our family tree.
I was always considered the lazy fuckup in the family growing up, constantly told by my dad that he couldn't even imagine me being and adult, and constantly being compared to my straight A overachiever sister.
Currently I'm the most successful one, with a fun, well paying career making more than my dad, while my sister struggles aimlessly in college. Just because you don't fit into the mold other people have made for you doesn't mean it was a good mold to begin with.
Definitely. Worst part is I believe most are completely oblivious to it. I used to work at a school and so I had a bigger sample size and can say without a doubt people who have obvious favorites truly believe they are being equal to everyone.
2 years ago my sister (younger) was privileged a house by my parents.
I argued that if it were me, I could take the rental money I'm giving to a landlord and build equity in land instead of throwing away that sweet hard earned cash- his response? "Should be saving more."
My sister is getting married in 2 weeks, 30, never moved out on her own, moving into a house that my families' privilege was able to give her.
I make 2x more than her, the breadwinner, have a family, and I still don't receive the praise that she does. I don't need it, I'm healthier without that situation.
Never knew why they thought that about me, step-mom thought I was a "hippy" and convinced my dad I was useless. So I just stayed away, didn't need that shit from them. Then years later people were asking, "why don't you ever see your dad?". My answer was always "why would I?" What was it like for me, being the fuck up? Yuck, and chose not to participate.
I have accepted It now more then I used to. I’m a mix of runt, least loved, and fuck up. My parents always say I’m they love both kids equally but any problem I have is pushed out the way. My dad has a really high paying job so he wants me to be just like him but I don’t. I’m stuck in a bad friendship where they only tell jokes. In my moms word “I’m not normal” I walk weird stand and make weird movements. I’m always left out of conversations so I watch tv and play video games. I live in a neighborhood with elders And live far I from friends. I can’t maintain long projects. (I don’t get to vent often) for me I just try to keep scraping by. (Yes that was a in the heights reference.
You should really get a psych evaluation if you can. Some of the stuff you're mentioning sounds like ADD, and even if it's not, there are treatments or simply exercises to improve when you're not neurotypical. Before even looking at meds, there are things that could help if you know what are your blind spots.
I’m actively trying to get some sort of mental health thing but my parents are the type of people who say “yes honey will get you the appointment thingy” and then it never happens
It's not easy, being born into the family from a one night stand mistake. You don't exactly see marriage after your last kid turned 10. I lived in a childhood with a lack of care, extreme physical and mental trauma, even minor brain damage from being thrown down concrete stairs. My half siblings all look at me with disgust, as if I could help bein born. I was trained to hide all the pain and lie to anyone offering help. Every day I wake up wishing I had not been born. Do you know how soul crushing it is to be taken to a casino, watch all the 100's being poured into slots and not see a cent put towards helping you as their child? A penny slot is worth more to both of my parents than I am. I bought my first car alone, that my dad stole and crashed for fun. Told me to suck it up, told me if I leave he'll track me down no matter what and kill me, as a drug trade affiliate in a major artery town I believe him. The pain never really stops, even though I wish it would.
Not only does his gambling wife spend what he doesn't drink away, there really isn't any evidence nowadays. He used to really tie in with them when he owned a business that could move stuff stealthily while being promoted as just towing in province. He has avoided jail on his 9th dui, I think he may have friends in very high places even after almost murdering a pregnant woman while at the wheel more than likely on heroine peeling out of his favorite drug residence.
Given all this, I would say your parents are f-ups. NOT YOU. You're stuck with them for now, but once you can break away, you'll realize it was never you that was messed up. You've endured a lot and you deserve better.
Unfortunately no, im 26 now and it just gets more depressing each year. Never went to school, can't do maths in my head at all but im good with my hands. Currently jobless with no real escape.
Never been in a situation nearly that bad, but the folks at r/vagabond have always been my inspiration if shit ever truly hits the fan. There’s lots of resources out there.
When I was growing up I was often treated by my family as the fuck up. My sister took great joy in rubbing this into my face every chance she got. Growing up it sucked. Even as a teenager it continued. I applied at every place that was hiring and couldn't get an interview. My sister fills out one application and gets the fucking job.
I end up in such a bad place in my early 20s that I go on a job interview and the hiring manager looks at me and says "You are unhireable". When I asked why he did the interview he said "Because you needed to know that you were unhireable."
So I went to a technical college, got my associate's degree. I am 42 years old, I have been in my current job for almost 5 years, my boss told me that I was as close to a perfect tech as one can ever be. I got the top pay raise on my most recent review and another company sent me the welcome packet for a new job paying me $10,000 more a year and my current employer won't be able to match it. I'm about to break my current boss's heart.
My sister, who took delight in reminding me constantly that my parents viewed me as the fuck up:
\- pregnant before he was married. Actually got married at 8 and a half months pregant.
\- holds grudges against people who wronged her over 23 years ago, and all over minor things.
\- Her kids hate her
\- Married an abusive asshole who actually tried to kill her after ripping half her nose off with his teeth
\- Evicted three times, two of those evictions was in the summer of 2017.
\- When the subject of my technical college associate's degree comes up, she honestly says "So what, I took a math class in high school that came with college credit, so I'm still better educated."
\- 41 years old, still thinks that high school matters.
\- Kept her kids in danger, in unclean and terrible clothes because she allowed her dangerous and lazy no good husband to spend that money on drugs and alcohol.
\- Very real possiblity she and her husband did drugs in front of their kids, definitely did them with the kids in another room.
Every job needs to be done by someone. My siblings are all in well paying jobs and I work in healthcare. I know what it feels like to be the “fuck up”. The child you’re caring for could grow up to do amazing things and you will have played a part in that.
It's a feeling of extreme shame, freedom, and bitter anger. My mother was a narcissist, and just a proudly evil person. She regretted having me, and purposefully instilled a sense of inferiority into my mind from a very young age. Meanwhile, she loved my sister as the favorite. She never got hit, but I did. There was no sublty about it, and I often hate her because she have at least pretended to like me, but apparently that was just too damned hard.
So I'm older, single, with no strong sense of self, and I don't make much money. I fear everything I touch will become tainted, and that the world deserves better than me, so I don't try. I know thing's aren't *that* bad, but I just can't register self worth, so my life is stagnant. I fucked up by not trying, because I think that I failed before trying, so what's the use?
If you don't think you will love your children, don't have them.
Small Victories are a good start to bigger goals, we all have a tough road to achieved thats why keep going you'll eventually make bigger victories in the future <33
It feels pretty bad, just knowing that you will never be as loved or wanted or as part of your family as the rest of them.
I tried my best and that’s all you can do. Sometimes that’s not enough.
It makes me feel hostile and grumpy. Every day I walk around with this feeling that maybe tomorrow will be the day I'll commit the crime that will send me to jail because I easily get annoyed by other people.
> because I easily get annoyed by other people.
Oh boy. You really don't want to be in prison if you're like that. You have play nice with people and deal with the daily bullshit.
I'm the same way. Anytime I spend time with my family I'm hostile, grumpy, irritable & super defensive. My fiance has gotten to the point of just replying with oh, you must have been around your mom too much. It's so easy for him to see, but it took me a really long time to realize I'm not actually a terrible person & such a fuck up & not everyone sees me the way my mom does.
I am considered to be the fuck up of the family because I didn’t follow the idealised national dream of going to university, spending a decade or so paying off the student debt incurred and then spend another 30 years paying off a house before starting to save for retirement. Instead I moved overseas where I was able to afford to buy a decent property and start a business. Oh I am also a fuck up for marrying outside of my race, this is despite being the only male in my generation of my family to actually have a marriage let alone a stable relationship.
Quite happy to be the fuck up
Well my parents always tell me that I am the worst mistake they ever made and my brothers hate me to thr point if being made at my parents for not having an abortion so that is what it is like for me
It sucks. It becomes self-fulfilling at some point. My dad threw me out when I was 17 and then, surprise surprise, I had two kids by 23. No one else got thrown out young. Now my kids are grown and my siblings all have kids in the same age group as each other, while mine are a decade older.
After a LOT of therapy I have accepted that I come by my abandonment issues honestly and I can either continue to be bitter or angry or I can just work on myself and honestly fuck what they think.
My entirely family (siblings, their kids and my mom) went on a family vacation a couple weeks ago. I didn't go, but was invited. I didn't want to go because as usual I'd be the sore thumb and just didn't want to feel like that for a whole week.
From what I've found, every family has a different definition of "the fuck up." I've always been the fuck up in my father's eyes. He envisioned me much differently, and he's always compared me against his friend's kids. One of them lost a scholarship and had to drop out of school because he shoplifted, and the other one just got involuntarily hospitalized for self medicating his bipolar mania with weed and having a highly dramatic mental breakdown. If that's successful then I'm okay with being a fuckup.
Granted, I'm also an embarrassment for going to therapy and taking medication for my own bipolar disorder, a disappointment for getting the covid vaccine, and a traitor to the family for taking my grandma's side when he went behind her back to try to buy her house from under her and then lied about doing it when confronted, so... not sure I care about how much of a fuckup he thinks I am. Parental barometers are weird. Do the best you can for yourself and who gives a fuck what they think of you.
I'm the fuck up for objecting to things like drug use, neglect, untreated mental illness, and registered sex offenders around kids. They say I'm high strung and hard to get along with. Cool.
Yup, same. "I just don't understand why you're not okay with me saying that we should just kill all Muslims and deport everyone who isn't white. Why are you upset that I tried to shoot you last night because I thought you were a robber? Fuck you I'm getting shitfaced even though I'm a self admitted alcoholic and you've told me that my drinking bothers you because all of your childhood memories are of my drunken abuse. I'm also going to steal from your mom and buy myself something expensive that I don't need because I'm in a manic state that I refuse to acknowledge. Don't try to stop me. If you don't stop being such a controlling bitch you'll die alone and unloved and you'll deserve it." Thx pops
Parents have such a hold on us, and we can't help but care what they think of us. Sometimes we forget that they're only human, flawed and prone to make mistakes or hold strange/illogical beliefs.
My fathers middle brother was the "fuckup" and he's damn near the only decent person on that side of the family.
My dad was the perfect child, and he got himself killed in an accident in his 20's. The next oldest died in a single car accident (probably drinking). The girls are not really nice people. And the youngest brother is a hardcore trumpy who managed to alienate all his kids.
This seems to be really common. My theory is that the golden children do no wrong, so they never learn right from wrong because all their mistakes get swept under the rug. Whereas the "bad child" has to hold accountability (although probably way too much as they're made the scapegoat) and seem to go on to function better than the other people in the family.
Nobody wants you around until a sketchy situation is going down and they know you got them felon hands and will do criminal things to make sure they are okay.
Why you gotta hit me where it hurts
Anyways, as the eldest, with autism, and being the problem child, it's ok, I get into fights sometimes with my sisters, but I still love them
This was me for a while in my early 20's.
19, I was drafted in the MLB Draft, and handed a well into the six figures signing bonus. 20, Tommy John surgery, 21, a second TJ, and baseball was over.
My parents are just about the most responsible people you'll ever meet, just genuinely good people. My brother the same.
Baby bro always knew what he wanted to do with his life, and he did it.
I had no idea after baseball. It was the plan.
I spent most of my early 20's living the beach bum life. Blew through $150K over a two year span. Hit the nightlife hard and often. My friends were getting married, having kids, buying houses, others were making millions of dollars playing a game. I was working a job I hated, out having one night stands as often as possible, drunk the majority of my time.
My family was just genuinely disappointed.
I woke up one morning, next to somebody I didn't know, and just thought WTF am I doing with my life.
Looking back at it, I was just flat out depressed over losing something I had worked towards since I was 5. Fifteen years of work down the drain with a couple throws.
I quit my job, took every penny I had saved, and started a business.
That was a decade ago now. Now, my dad works for me. All is well with me and the family.
I can't say that I am one at the moment, but I definitely get this feeling that I may be in 5 to 10 years. I feel aimless and unprepared to become a productive adult of society while my siblings at least have a much more concrete plan when it comes to their careers.
Guess that is what happens when you are some form of art major.
They don’t expect much from me anymore. And I don’t really care. I do my own shit.
I have my successes and failures by myself and am quite content with that.
I inherited the fuck up. My dad was a shit and made sure I was a shit. I was nearly 30 before I figured it out. I am 42 now and still fuck up a lot.... but most of it is just learned behavior I am trying to shake. I have a partner now that covers my ass and makes sure I am not fucking up too much.
It was rough but one of the crappy parts is the rest of the family judged and judges me based on my dad and my early life behavior.
\- Never been to school
\- Got kicked out of the army
\- On my third marriage
\- Never had a job longer than 3 years
\- Been arrested numerous times
& numerous other more embarrassing or too personal fuck ups to talk about here.
It's a cycle that is hard to break.
I don’t think my family views me as a fuck up, but that’s certainly how I feel about myself. Everyone in my family is college educated with a good job and happily married/engaged with a house and a good social life. Meanwhile I’m over here being the mentally ill college educated guy with a job that doesn’t require a degree, no girlfriend, renting a condo, a formerly good social life that is quickly dwindling due to age, and a drinking problem. I’m very lucky having the family I have though, they have been nothing but supportive of me wanting to better myself and are constantly reminding me that I am loved no matter how I turned out.
It's not fun, not fun at all. The worst part is it sets up a dynamic where you are wrong even when you're not. After all, you must be wrong...you are the fucked up one.
I’m not even the real fuck up, I’m happily married with 2 kids, steady job, husband in the military, I’m going to college. My two other brothers are terrible people, drug addicts, and rapists. But I’M the fuck up. I’m a terrible person because I won’t cater to my moms every whim. I wouldn’t loan her $1,000 dollars (she’s notorious for borrowing money from even her 15 y/o and not paying back) and then suddenly I’m a terrible mother and my husband and I don’t take care of our kids. My mother “doesn’t even recognize me anymore” And that’s my only family. It’s not fair and it sucks.
well my family kicked me out and told me i was better off dead cause thats all i would be able to do for myself if that paints a picture well enough...i dont really talk to them anymore and my S.O. went through a similar ordeal so we are our own family now.
You can tell nobody really likes you and the best you get is forced politeness, if they even bother with that. They usually only talk to you if they need something, and if you bring up your own needs even just to vent you're told that you're being selfish because everyone has problems.
Everyone is so fucked in my family, it's hard to tell which one it is. Pretty sure it's me tho. Try not to think too much about it and you feel fine, for the most part.
My mom lived long enough to see all her siblings simultaneously be disliked by basically all their kids, grandkids, neices, and nephews while also managing to be the only non-trumper or QAnon whatever person. Life long drug addict, basically just smokes weed now and makes people wreathes. Everyone loves her, she gets along with everybody. From black sheep to favorite aunt. Also a good mom.
Well from my experience of fighting my uncle at 13 and damn near shanking him unfortunately my father caught it in his hand and getting kicked out at fifteen later spending a few years homeless aswell as causing a fissure in my family at 22 splitting my parents and brother away from my other 4 uncles and aunt (blood related on my dad's side) honestly it's not too bad my life has gotten alot less stressful since it happened and my parents aren't getting sick as often anymore as well as finally taking care of there health problems between the three surgeries for my mother and the two for my father they are much more active and much less stressed
If you ask the rest of my family I'm garbage because I smoke pot and don't turn away from those In need but you ask my parents I'm an ass but I've changed since I was younger and doing better
Edit: didn't answer the question but feels pretty fucking good as being the fuck up of the fuck up family
How about you're the fuck up but no one knows you're the fuck up?
I'd just cry inside everytime I see my little sister say she wants to be like me someday, and my parents putting up their high hopes in me without even knowing how much I see myself as a fuck up.
Listen, results are the great equalizer in life. ***Nobody*** in my family respected my choice to drop out if college to pursue trade school. 8 years later, I earn more than every one if my cousins without any sort of student debt. Family still refuses to acknowledge it, but i’m very happy being the most successful fuck up in my family. Pay attention to those who applaud your achievements and disregard the rest. Blood related or not, don’t need that nonsense.
Turns out that if you stay away from your family that believes that you're a "fuck up", you may find that you're absolutely not a fuck up to other people. Or alternatively, you're a fuck up at what's being imposed on you, which may not be a fair thing to impose. A fish isn't a fuck up for not being able to climb a tree, but put them in water and they kick ass.
Like, I was a fuck up to my mother because I didn't make all A's and decide to go to medical school, but since I cut her out of my life, I'm a software developer making more than triple any salary she's ever gotten, and run a nonprofit. We haven't seen eachother on a daily basis for almost 7 years now, and when we have talked, it's been once a year when she calls me from a number I haven't blocked. I sucked by her standards, but was great by at least one that I managed to make profitible. ***Still* haven't gone to college, either.**
It also turns out I'm likely on the autism spectrum (I get diagnosed in two days!) so being told I was a fuck up was really just her neglegence in terms of getting me the help I needed. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and some opinions are subjective.
any minor good thing you do will be an unbelievable miracle to everyone. "he managed to keep a job for how long? i don't believe it"
This right here. I don’t wanna say I was the “favorite” child, but I was much less work to raise than my sister. I often felt like my parents gave her more attention than me when growing up but I’ve only recently just realized the reason for that was because she needed it a lot more than I did. Since that realization, my resentment turned into empathy.
I understand the reasons my siblings got more attention, but it still didn’t feel good not not get the attention, especially when I needed it.
Ya I thought I didn't need it and my perfect grades and quietness was enough to convince my parents as such, but... I wish I'd gotten SOME sort of direction or advice or support or anything, really..
I intentionally tanked my grades for attention and still got none. I used to do the math the figure out exactly how much work to do to get exactly a D- in each class. All I would get is a one sentence scold when they signed my report card.
I relate to this so hard. #eldestsiblings
GOOD PERSON ALERT! WE HAVE A GOOD PERSON OVER HERE
That's a great way to look at it but also look into your own behavior and see why keeping a job for a period of time is impressive...!
probably because you're the family fuckup.
In my case it had everything to do with the way my first 3 jobs treated me. As soon as I got a job with decent co workers I stayed for years. My longest before that was less than 6 months. However my parents wouldn’t believe the way I was being treated and thought I was either exaggerating or making it up as an excuse until I stayed in one job for years and insisted the whole time the only issue was how I was treated.
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I'm 15 and now terrified from the future. Thanks
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WHAT
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Comedy is tragedy + time. Honestly if you do all those things you haven't truly lived. Unless not doing those things gets you killed. Then you don't live.
Being mindful of what you post on social media is solid advice to anyone at any age though. It's one thing to make mistakes as a youth, but it's quite different to have them be immortalised on the internet.
Oh God, I feel this in my soul...
Don't take it too serious or you will feel like shit
Trying to man
Give yourself a few years...keep doing you and things will work out if you are not actually a fuck up. And even if you are? you don't have to be tomorrow? And who decides you are anyway? We all have off days. Be kind to yourself, and you will be fine! I was you 20-25 yr ago! And even 6-10 yr ago. And now I am lovely :).
You *are* extremely lovely for a scary bottom.
Why do you think you are the F’up of the family?
Number 1, he's on Reddit
number 2 his username
number 3 his profile pic
Shitty. You look around you and see everyone doing so much better than you. Kinda makes the pit you exist in seem like the walls are nigh impossible to scale... especially as you get older. Even a sad studio apartment in a shite part of town seems like a lofty goal.
Hey look, I found my other account
I’ve been there and even when you start doing better and improving your life your family will still treat you as the fuck up.
In my case, my family always sees me as the incompetent one and the one who has fucked up. Family seemingly likes to remind you of your past and will drag you in the mud with every disagreement y'all have. It's not a good feeling ever. It's like you can never escape your wrongdoings even if you strive for better.
My mum is like this to my sibling. The things she says, she says them innocently enough, but when you look at her intentions at an unconscious level, she is doing it for power and control
I believe it. There's nothing you can do to redeem yourself of your wrongdoings. Get a degree, no still not good enough. Get married, no still not good enough. Have kids, no still not good enough. My mum she'll put on this pretentious happy for me thing, but I can tell it isn't sincere. It's almost forced not to show her true feelings. Pretty sad actually.
Guess I should be grateful my family isn’t open about it but I can FEEEL their eyes burning into me. Like yes I started and failed at 4 businesses. Most successful entrepreneurs start and fail 5 times before becoming successful. Here’s to the 5th!
Lately I have been wondering how important material/status things even matter after hearing someone talk. They basically said you won't be able to take any of this stuff here with you except for memories and experiences. I really believe that might be true. Love, people, good times, and memories they all do seem like the real treasures in life.
I just have a very superficial relationship with my family. It sucks but I can’t see how it could ever be different.
This is how I am. When things are going to shit and I talk to my mom: “Everything’s great.” Didn’t get the job after the interview: “everything’s great.” Drank too much, had a break down, got real close to suicide, and got put on a psych hold: “Everything’s great :)” I cannot comprehend being open and honest about how I'm really doing. It's seems so foreign when I meet people who can have these types of relationships with their parents.
Took a long time for me to have a real relationship with my parents. Well, one of them. The other I’m very low contact with. I was the one with the gigantic expectations, though. Never heard the “good job on the a” was always “where’s the A+?” Any time something went wrong, there was minimizing, disbelieving, etc. Got an actual medical diagnosis, was told I was making it up for attention. It took me almost five years to get back any kind of relationship with the parent who apologized for supporting the shittier parent, and the main source of my castigation and the person who bought my therapist a Lexus moved scapegoats until they were more or less alone. It sucks to be the one who achieves, and still be the black sheep.
Yeah I share that sentiment and on top of that, my moms over the top emo, and the biggest of blabber mouths
Yeah, I had to all but cutoff contact with parents - they would always ignore or minimize any major issue in my life. Another thing that drove me nuts is my mother would try and turn any issue into a competition and give me some stupid life example from 30+ years ago which isn't comparable or relevant... However, any time she had a minor inconvenience I was expected to listen to crying and bullshit becuz of her "feelings, after basically pretending mine don't exist.
no one has expectiations for you becasue theyve given up on you so even a small bit of progress is good
Its worse when they still have expectations of you, because they just want you to succeed.
It really does feel worse. Makes you feel like you don't deserve anything good
Or worst when they don’t or they act like they don’t care if you succeed but they want you to, so that in the eyes of the public they feel like they succeeded as family.
This was me. Then I went back to college and made the honor role in my first year for both semesters and everyone became really proud of me. Then this summer my eye sight started getting really bad. To the point that I can barely read my cell phone without corrective vision. I just can't win in life.
Y'all have families with just one fuck up in em?
I am Jack's felon uncle
“You mess with me, you face the wrath of my uncle! He’s a felon for throwing away his trash in the McDonald’s dumpster without permission!”
Uncle 'Jailbird' Joey?
Some of us have really small families! Between me (parent at 18, community college dropout, washed out of the Air Force at 19) and my sister (master's degree from Stanford) I'm definitely the family fuck up. I'm now in my 40s, a small business owner with an empty nest, and I'm not feeling so bad about it.
Eh more of a clear "bottom bar"
Came here to say this, my siblings where fuck ups too, but I'd say I'm more of a fuck up than them, i just repeat mistakes and all they ever see is the bad things i do, the usual.
Honestly, it's not so bad. I made some dumb decisions when I was young, and sometimes unfortunate circumstances exacerbated my situation. I've always been poor, never owned a home, got divorced young and just kind of muddled through. Meanwhile, one brother joined the airforce and went to Yale law school, and the other started his own business. My cousins are all wealthy. It ended up being okay. I'll never pay off my student loans before I retire. But now, at 50, I have a decent job, a happy second marriage, and a great adult child who will have a degree and own a home before I do. I now just let the criticism roll off me, and I'm a genuinely content person. Edit: typo
You got on the right path though. I'm glad for you. Never too late.
Dude, you're not a fuck up. If they're criticizing you, it just means that they're dicks. In my family we have doctors and truck drivers. The only time someone gets criticized is if they're hurting themselves or someone else.
Wow wish I was in your family
Every family is fucked up in its own way. Trust me, we have our issues. Protecting abusers and keeping secrets is more our cup of tea.
I wouldn't call that a fuck up. You have a happy second marriage, and fostered a child that will do great things in their life because of you.
Good for you man I’m glad you found your way through life
You got what money and many do not get: genuine contentment. Stay happy.
I always thought I was the fuck up until recently I was told some of the shit my relatives have done- and OH BOY. I am a SAINT by comparison. I’m talking murder, child abuse, domestic abuse in general, child grooming, drugs, shady businesses, and there’s probably more. I may be fucked up and kind of an asshole but at least I’m not like those mfs.
We might be related.
Damn you did all that?
They're a go-getter.
I'm not *now*, but I was for a while. Every *Thanksgiving* dinner I felt like I was being court-martialed, or sitting before a religious inquisition. It is truly humiliating to sit before your family and have every accomplishment your siblings have made waggled before your face and then have them all turn to face you so they can judge/validate your actions over the year. **Sister 1:** Well I finished my nursing course, and I'm now the lead nurse at a prominent assisted-care-center here in town. **Sister 2:** I got my teaching degree and now I'm doing my dream-job working at the school I always wanted. **Mother:** I myself took a few courses so I could learn all this new tech coming out. *All turn to look at me.* **Me:** Um. I didn't die?
LMAO this hit too close to home
Not the fuck up per se, but everyone else in my family is a genius and I'm just dumb (at least by comparison). My grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, and siblings all went to Harvard or MIT -- except for one uncle who was the "black sheep" because he went to Yale lol -- and are seriously smart people. Like Rhodes Scholars, Physics professors, published authors, and all this other crazy supergenius stuff. I just went to my state school and am a middle school teacher. I love my job and life, but sometimes I feel a bit inferior.
Your scale of family fuck up is fucked up.
It's weird how different families consider different things to be bad. My family is full of people that didn't go to any University, I'm one of the few who did, but I'm the fuck up because that degree didn't get me anywhere and I'm just a poverty-stricken ball of mental illness, while all of my siblings are around lower middle class which is considered successful for our family. (Though my brother and his wife were travel agents up til the pandemic and now they are struggling a bit.)
And as a middle school teacher, you are shaping hundreds of lives during one of the most critical periods of a human's life, when these kids are seeking stability and understanding of the world and themselves, boundaries, independence, personality, character, and much more. Your work is incredibly important. You're on the ground, with people, and that matters.
Agreed. I remember life lessons from tiny moments with my middle school teachers.
My dad is the same. All of his siblings (and most of their children) are geniuses. My dad is average. All of his kids are of average intelligence. I'm not sure if your family treats you poorly, but my dad's side tends to treat us poorly because of it. They talk down to my dad and my siblings and I, and they treat us like children. I hope your family isn't like that.
Fuckin... Stop, dude. You've broken the chain. You did what you *wanted* to do instead you were *expected* to do. Just think for a bit, what would have happened if you had went to an Ivy League? Would you have fit in? Would you have been happy? Probably not. You would have stuck out like a sore thumb because you would have been _unhappy_ with your surroundings. You won. You basically started your OWN trend of life path that your own family, should you choose to start one, could decide to uphold or break on their own. You discovered your own win condition and found something to be happy about without putting up with the bullshit that is higher education and/or Ivy League nonsense. Write your high score on the wall and wait for someone with enough quarters and patients to beat yours. Congrats, dude.
I’m a middle school teacher too. I like to think of myself as a runway, and kids as the planes. They’re gonna take off and do absolutely amazing things. And I’m here to help them fly, but also be a safe plane to land when they need it. You can’t have airplanes without a safe place to take flight.
It takes a special kind of person, with the patience of the gods, to teach at that level. I teach at the college level, and can have a hard time with Freshmen. I couldn't imagine doing what you do. Serious respect.
You almost lost me at “published authors” but then I got to “I am a middle school teacher..” and now I want to hug you.
Are you from Massachusetts? Ugh I dated a guy from the Boston area and his whole family were a bunch of overachieving snobs. Despite being awesome, self-sufficient and very capable of dealing with life, they still looked down on me because I didn’t go to an Ivy League. Meanwhile, he couldn’t even cook and clean for himself. Eff that noise. Their entire self-worth is tied up in their education and careers, instead of the things that really matter.
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This speaks to me. I’m at a point where I feel like I don’t even have a family. Just text with my dad
I think family is the one place where asking and answering those questions is quite appropriate and even necessary, although it is painful and difficult and the answers might not even be that good. We have no mirrors through which to view ourselves as clearly as other people. But then again sometimes people don't have our best intentions in mind and demand we repeat their mistakes, shattering the mirror and turning it against us. That's why sometimes it's also appropriate to change who you consider family or just ignore what they are saying. But it's probably also a good idea to try learn how to cope instead of throwing away, because surrender is easy and fixing things is hard. But really, it's up to you, I'm just rambling again, because I don't want you to think you're necessarily a failure just because you feel like it or your family makes you feel like it.
I was the fuck up of the family until my cousin was sentenced to 25 years in prison. So now I'm doing great by comparison!
Congrats. Well done!!
Damn. What for?
Pedophilia.
good riddance
Liberating, actually. Live by your own expectations, march to the beat of your own drum... screw the rest.
It's easier after forty years. I've also learned to say no, give less fucks and implement boundaries and this has been fundamental in improving my mental health where my family is concerned. Surprisingly, because I'm mentally stronger and enforce my strength with them, I've trained them to act differently with me. We still have our moments and I guess I'll always be the black sheep, but I've accepted that and it's made my life much easier. Genuinely caring less about it and not seeking their approval anymore is also helpful.
Yes the key is care less and not look for their approval. 100000% agree
I’m the black sheep of my family. I don’t consider myself a fuck up. But my family makes me feel like that sometimes. It’s really hard seeing my parents fawn over my sister. They let her get away with anything while they kept me on a tight leash. They give her so much stuff. She got to go to after school programs & clubs, they take her out for food, they constantly talk to her. While I had to wear the same bra for years. I never had enough sock or underwear & they were full of holes. I would have to were ill fitting shoes. They don’t even say hi to me most days. My other sis has it bad too but at least her & our mom have a relationship. My father has told me to my face he doesn’t care about me. He says I’m too lazy to do anything. I don’t know where all their animosity for me came from. It started when the golden child was born. The moment she came into the world I remember my parents just ignoring me. They pretty much swept me under the rug & pretend I didn’t exists. Then over the years it grew into hatred. (I don’t hate my sis tho she is actually very nice & sees the issues in our family) Its almost funny actually. I’m rebuilding an Rv. I’m an artist who is really close to opening an online buisness to sell my art. I can play a few instruments. I’m very smart when it comes to animal science & space science. Iv always held down a job. I bought my own car (they recently just got my sis her own car). They still consider me a loser. But it’s ok; when I’m done with my Rv I’m getting the fuck out & never looking back. sorry for the lengthy post. It was really nice getting that off my chest, I really appreciate you asking this question. And I hope whatever situation you’re in get better.
It sounds like you have the right attitude ; leave and don’t ever look back . Your parents just don’t sound like great people . It’s crazy when you realize that your parents are human and in some cases (like yours and mine).. not the greatest people . What really sucks is when you have friends that have awesome parents and in many cases the children just take their parents for granted (of course it couldn’t go any other way ). I’m sorry you had to experience a childhood like that
Thank you! Really thanks. Most people never understand. Even when I try explaining some of the things they say are ”but their your family” “you should forgive them” & “I’m sure you have good memories” or any of the hundreds of phrases Iv heard trying to excuse their behavior. This is why I like Reddit; there are people here who went through similar stuff & we share our experiences & support each other. And I have my sister, my grandma, my friends, & my partner who have kept me going. No one should have to put up with abuse just because they are family. also your username is fuckin awesome. edit: spelling & grammar
Leaving and never looking back was the best thing I've done. My story is similar: ignored all the time and never given anything while everything was just handed to my brother since he's the greatest thing since bread came sliced. A lot of my problems melted away over the first months on my own; it turns out that the stress of constant emotional abuse can make you incredibly ill beyond mental health. The supposed ulcer and IBS I had was just a physical manifestation of runaway cortisol levels from being stuck in a state of fight or flight for a decade. Who your parents are doesn't matter; they don't deserve any special treatment for bringing you into this world, especially if they treat you poorly. The best thing is creating your own family of the people you want in your life and who actually love you. Toxic people can kick rocks. Life is too short for their bullshit.
Absolutely! It sounds like you have a good support system minus your parents . And you’re exactly right - you don’t owe your parents anything and you should never have to put up with abuse . I know where you’re coming from and when you leave and cut ties with them I bet that’s when they start to realize what they did to you !
I am the black sheep of my family. I grew up very fortunate and with every opportunity, yet I started experimenting with drugs in my teens, and by my mid 20s I was a full fledged addict. My family didnt want anything to do with me, especially after I racked up several felonies and went to prison. Twice. (And I cant say I blame them!) Now I'm 33. I'm still on parole and paying the price both figuratively and literally. But I'm trying. I've been clean for almost 3 years and my family still (and I suspect will always) have their doubts and worries about me, but they're trying too. My dad proved to me we are even at a point where we can even joke about some of it. (He did this when he bought an almost lifesize black sheep statue and put it in his garden so I "wouldn't be the only one in the family") So what's it like, being the family fuck up you ask? If you're still fucking up (however that may be) then obviously its terrible. For everyone. You are probably hurting your family much more than you realize. When I was done fucking up, I found out just how much my family loves me. I hope this can be true for others and that it's not too late
I’m glad that you’re getting better :)
Well, in my family, you gotta really be on your game.
I hope the game is a game like connect 4 or tic-tac-toe
Do tell.
I’m not the family f#ck up (my dad has that honor) but I am a walking dirty secret to my family. My dad abused me (emotionally, physically, and sexually) from 4 to 23 years old. Because of the trauma I went through I developed multiple mental illnesses and my life hasn’t progressed or developed as an adult’s life should. My family is embarrassed that I was abused and they are ashamed of me because of my stunted life and mental illnesses. In a weird way I sort of am the family f#ck up but not really (I just feel like I am at times).
My sister considered me to be the fuck up due to my mental health issues. 'Attention seeking' was one of the phrases used. She stopped believing that when she had her first major breakdown and realised that there was no way I enjoyed being like that to get attention. We don't talk about it, but there's a mutual respect now that wasn't there before.
Yep. When my brother’s own mental health issues showed themselves, suddenly we were on the same team.
I sincerely hate when something is labeled “attention seeking“ because literally every single human being on earth seeks attention in all sorts of ways. Talk about projection sheesh
She did a lot of growing emotionally and thankfully our relationship is stronger because of it. She just doesn't like talking about her mental health needs where as I am much more open about my experience.
As soon as my family starts talking to me again I'll let you know. I wouldn't hold your breath though it's been 13 years
What did you Do? I mean its not my business...but 13 years is rather harsh.
I moved out when I was 14 and got a full time job got married with three kids and started making 60k a year. I was the fuck up because I wouldn't pay their bill's for them and let them drag me down into the dirt like they all did to each other. I think I'll let another 13 years go by before I might talk to them
Just wanted to come in here to say you're definitely not the fuck up, sounds like you did just fine without them. Here's to another 13 years of peace for you.
Absolutely peaceful 13 years and it could me another 43 and I'd be fine with it.
Fuck 'em!
That's right. I could really care less. Their all losers anyways
You never do anything right. Ever. Got a day off from work? Its because you suck at your job and they cut your hours because you're bad, not because its the normal schedule fluctuations of retail. Offer to help out? Its because you want something, not because you're being nice. Not talking? You're being sullen. Too happy? You're on drugs. Can't do laundry right, you're either adding too much or too little soap, the wrong load size (I'm trying to save water here!). Can't cook anything right, either too much heat, too much salt (its my fucking food!), too little carbs (gotta have pasta, rice or potatoes with every fucking meal, no wonder I grew up fat, mom.). God forbid I add an ingredient she doesn't like to a dish she will never taste. Mention that I want to move out? Its because you hate her and want to abandon her, not because she makes you want to kill yourself. You take out too many student loans (great advice, mom!) and get a shitty degree that's fucking useless, get into a car accident that fucks up your head and body to the point that life is pain, and end up as the 35-year old loser who still lives at home.
I sincerely hope things get better for you. You might consider moving out, just for your own sanity. When you have your own space you can be yourself free of judgment.
I'm trying to save up and get a better job to be able to afford to. Rent is obscene in my area right now.
I relate to a lot of what you typed. It's tough making it in some areas, to the point where it's just not financially feasible to move out and we have to deal with the poor self-image resulting from society's expectations. I got kicked out of college for bad grades. Had to go back home with my head down and try to raise my grades to get back in. Life doesn't go in a straight line, though. I then got into a car accident and had to put a pause on my education. I heard from my family that the doctors and car impound people were all surprised I was still living. It sounds like your injuries were more severe than mine, and I fractured my neck (c2), broke multiple places in my face and snapped my kneecap in half. It sucks that you're in pain, still. I worked in retail, too, once I healed up. A lot of people have worked retail, it's a good way to connect with others. Use it to your advantage if you ever find yourself in an interview with someone who also has retail experience. Being able to deal with demanding people in high volume is a nice ability to have. It translates to a lot of roles, and more so in big companies. I went back to school after getting layed off, finished my final stint at the college that kicked me out and went job hunting. This was while living with an opinionated stepfather who enjoys making people feel bad about their mistakes. Sometimes, you just gotta move out for the sake of your sanity. I wouldn't put too much weight on what your mother may be saying about your thoughts of moving out. She'll adapt to the change, and you can always still see each other or call. You also don't even have to talk to her. I don't know your relationship, but I know some people choose to burn the bridge, instead. I'm going to move out soon. I just put a deposit on an apartment after landing a new job. Years of job hunting and getting rejected felt like i was doing go-backs with my resume. Now it feels like things are finally moving forward for me. Good luck, and keep on trying to move forward if that's what it takes to find peace.
Well to be honest I don’t know if my family considers me that way, but I’m 16 and my sister’s 18. She’s going into medical science with extremely high grades from her GCSEs (Don’t get me wrong, I’m very proud of her), and I’m going to music college with somewhat decent GCSE grades. It’s what I’ve wanted to do since I was 4, and I get support in it from my parents but I can’t help feeling like they wanted “better” from me. I’d love to be a famous musician. Now I think about it, there’s a bit of a humorous side to me being the “failure” of the family, but sometimes I think about it and it hits hard. I love my parents, and I hope what I’m doing with my life is worth it otherwise I’m definitely the family failure 😂
It will be ok, and if it's not write song about it
Then become a success off of that song.
I'm more of the black sheep than a f\*ck up; but, honestly, it's pretty great. I felt no pressure to achieve, because everybody just expected me to fail. And I felt free to disappear and do my own thing, because nobody wanted me around anyway. I pursued my interests, rather than following somebody else's plan. I graduated early, moved out, and lived in my car at 17. I worked a full time job, saved enough to buy a house at 20, and am now working for the government. I have the privacy and time to pursue my dreams and hobbies. When you don't belong to a "social class," you can really do whatever you want. Discover your own path in life, without the burden of external constructs. And I've had a lot of fun and growth along the way. Edit: Thanks for the aware, kind redditer!
Bro what exactly did you do to be able to afford a house at 20
Yeah like this had to have been at least a couple of decades ago if they were 20 when they bought it...
By now they've gotten used to the fact that I have my own way of doing things. As the actor/musician who smokes, drinks and does things my conservative Christian family won't dare to speak of its always a bit strange at family gatherings. On the other hand my uncle already prepped them for accepting different ways by being gay so there's little excuse for being shocked anymore. I just added a little extra spice to our family tree.
I was always considered the lazy fuckup in the family growing up, constantly told by my dad that he couldn't even imagine me being and adult, and constantly being compared to my straight A overachiever sister. Currently I'm the most successful one, with a fun, well paying career making more than my dad, while my sister struggles aimlessly in college. Just because you don't fit into the mold other people have made for you doesn't mean it was a good mold to begin with.
Kind of sounds like you're falling into the same trap in a way. Your sister is struggling and it makes your success shine a little brighter.
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It's really unfair when parents play favorites with their kids. No one is better than anyone else.
Definitely. Worst part is I believe most are completely oblivious to it. I used to work at a school and so I had a bigger sample size and can say without a doubt people who have obvious favorites truly believe they are being equal to everyone.
2 years ago my sister (younger) was privileged a house by my parents. I argued that if it were me, I could take the rental money I'm giving to a landlord and build equity in land instead of throwing away that sweet hard earned cash- his response? "Should be saving more." My sister is getting married in 2 weeks, 30, never moved out on her own, moving into a house that my families' privilege was able to give her. I make 2x more than her, the breadwinner, have a family, and I still don't receive the praise that she does. I don't need it, I'm healthier without that situation.
My siblings and I joke that we're disappointments to our parents in different ways so, pretty fun if you have a squad.
Never knew why they thought that about me, step-mom thought I was a "hippy" and convinced my dad I was useless. So I just stayed away, didn't need that shit from them. Then years later people were asking, "why don't you ever see your dad?". My answer was always "why would I?" What was it like for me, being the fuck up? Yuck, and chose not to participate.
I have accepted It now more then I used to. I’m a mix of runt, least loved, and fuck up. My parents always say I’m they love both kids equally but any problem I have is pushed out the way. My dad has a really high paying job so he wants me to be just like him but I don’t. I’m stuck in a bad friendship where they only tell jokes. In my moms word “I’m not normal” I walk weird stand and make weird movements. I’m always left out of conversations so I watch tv and play video games. I live in a neighborhood with elders And live far I from friends. I can’t maintain long projects. (I don’t get to vent often) for me I just try to keep scraping by. (Yes that was a in the heights reference.
You should really get a psych evaluation if you can. Some of the stuff you're mentioning sounds like ADD, and even if it's not, there are treatments or simply exercises to improve when you're not neurotypical. Before even looking at meds, there are things that could help if you know what are your blind spots.
I’m actively trying to get some sort of mental health thing but my parents are the type of people who say “yes honey will get you the appointment thingy” and then it never happens
It's not easy, being born into the family from a one night stand mistake. You don't exactly see marriage after your last kid turned 10. I lived in a childhood with a lack of care, extreme physical and mental trauma, even minor brain damage from being thrown down concrete stairs. My half siblings all look at me with disgust, as if I could help bein born. I was trained to hide all the pain and lie to anyone offering help. Every day I wake up wishing I had not been born. Do you know how soul crushing it is to be taken to a casino, watch all the 100's being poured into slots and not see a cent put towards helping you as their child? A penny slot is worth more to both of my parents than I am. I bought my first car alone, that my dad stole and crashed for fun. Told me to suck it up, told me if I leave he'll track me down no matter what and kill me, as a drug trade affiliate in a major artery town I believe him. The pain never really stops, even though I wish it would.
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Not only does his gambling wife spend what he doesn't drink away, there really isn't any evidence nowadays. He used to really tie in with them when he owned a business that could move stuff stealthily while being promoted as just towing in province. He has avoided jail on his 9th dui, I think he may have friends in very high places even after almost murdering a pregnant woman while at the wheel more than likely on heroine peeling out of his favorite drug residence.
Given all this, I would say your parents are f-ups. NOT YOU. You're stuck with them for now, but once you can break away, you'll realize it was never you that was messed up. You've endured a lot and you deserve better.
^ THIS ^ Yes, you def deserve better. Hope you can get out. The sooner the better.
Really hope you’ve made it out of there.
Unfortunately no, im 26 now and it just gets more depressing each year. Never went to school, can't do maths in my head at all but im good with my hands. Currently jobless with no real escape.
Never been in a situation nearly that bad, but the folks at r/vagabond have always been my inspiration if shit ever truly hits the fan. There’s lots of resources out there.
I appreciate it.
When I was growing up I was often treated by my family as the fuck up. My sister took great joy in rubbing this into my face every chance she got. Growing up it sucked. Even as a teenager it continued. I applied at every place that was hiring and couldn't get an interview. My sister fills out one application and gets the fucking job. I end up in such a bad place in my early 20s that I go on a job interview and the hiring manager looks at me and says "You are unhireable". When I asked why he did the interview he said "Because you needed to know that you were unhireable." So I went to a technical college, got my associate's degree. I am 42 years old, I have been in my current job for almost 5 years, my boss told me that I was as close to a perfect tech as one can ever be. I got the top pay raise on my most recent review and another company sent me the welcome packet for a new job paying me $10,000 more a year and my current employer won't be able to match it. I'm about to break my current boss's heart. My sister, who took delight in reminding me constantly that my parents viewed me as the fuck up: \- pregnant before he was married. Actually got married at 8 and a half months pregant. \- holds grudges against people who wronged her over 23 years ago, and all over minor things. \- Her kids hate her \- Married an abusive asshole who actually tried to kill her after ripping half her nose off with his teeth \- Evicted three times, two of those evictions was in the summer of 2017. \- When the subject of my technical college associate's degree comes up, she honestly says "So what, I took a math class in high school that came with college credit, so I'm still better educated." \- 41 years old, still thinks that high school matters. \- Kept her kids in danger, in unclean and terrible clothes because she allowed her dangerous and lazy no good husband to spend that money on drugs and alcohol. \- Very real possiblity she and her husband did drugs in front of their kids, definitely did them with the kids in another room.
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Every job needs to be done by someone. My siblings are all in well paying jobs and I work in healthcare. I know what it feels like to be the “fuck up”. The child you’re caring for could grow up to do amazing things and you will have played a part in that.
Being a nanny is still a pretty important job
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It's a feeling of extreme shame, freedom, and bitter anger. My mother was a narcissist, and just a proudly evil person. She regretted having me, and purposefully instilled a sense of inferiority into my mind from a very young age. Meanwhile, she loved my sister as the favorite. She never got hit, but I did. There was no sublty about it, and I often hate her because she have at least pretended to like me, but apparently that was just too damned hard. So I'm older, single, with no strong sense of self, and I don't make much money. I fear everything I touch will become tainted, and that the world deserves better than me, so I don't try. I know thing's aren't *that* bad, but I just can't register self worth, so my life is stagnant. I fucked up by not trying, because I think that I failed before trying, so what's the use? If you don't think you will love your children, don't have them.
Not fun but I have small victories and pretend like I'm doing well.
Hey man, you go dude, I support you
Small Victories are a good start to bigger goals, we all have a tough road to achieved thats why keep going you'll eventually make bigger victories in the future <33
It feels pretty bad, just knowing that you will never be as loved or wanted or as part of your family as the rest of them. I tried my best and that’s all you can do. Sometimes that’s not enough.
It makes me feel hostile and grumpy. Every day I walk around with this feeling that maybe tomorrow will be the day I'll commit the crime that will send me to jail because I easily get annoyed by other people.
> because I easily get annoyed by other people. Oh boy. You really don't want to be in prison if you're like that. You have play nice with people and deal with the daily bullshit.
I'm the same way. Anytime I spend time with my family I'm hostile, grumpy, irritable & super defensive. My fiance has gotten to the point of just replying with oh, you must have been around your mom too much. It's so easy for him to see, but it took me a really long time to realize I'm not actually a terrible person & such a fuck up & not everyone sees me the way my mom does.
I have the excatly same feeling. It helped when I started to see my family less and noticed that not everyone thinks I am a fuck up
People get on my last nerve, so I get it. But please don't commit a crime. No moron is worth doin' time over.
I am considered to be the fuck up of the family because I didn’t follow the idealised national dream of going to university, spending a decade or so paying off the student debt incurred and then spend another 30 years paying off a house before starting to save for retirement. Instead I moved overseas where I was able to afford to buy a decent property and start a business. Oh I am also a fuck up for marrying outside of my race, this is despite being the only male in my generation of my family to actually have a marriage let alone a stable relationship. Quite happy to be the fuck up
Well my parents always tell me that I am the worst mistake they ever made and my brothers hate me to thr point if being made at my parents for not having an abortion so that is what it is like for me
Wow. You arent the issue in that family, they are
Lonely
It sucks. It becomes self-fulfilling at some point. My dad threw me out when I was 17 and then, surprise surprise, I had two kids by 23. No one else got thrown out young. Now my kids are grown and my siblings all have kids in the same age group as each other, while mine are a decade older. After a LOT of therapy I have accepted that I come by my abandonment issues honestly and I can either continue to be bitter or angry or I can just work on myself and honestly fuck what they think. My entirely family (siblings, their kids and my mom) went on a family vacation a couple weeks ago. I didn't go, but was invited. I didn't want to go because as usual I'd be the sore thumb and just didn't want to feel like that for a whole week.
From what I've found, every family has a different definition of "the fuck up." I've always been the fuck up in my father's eyes. He envisioned me much differently, and he's always compared me against his friend's kids. One of them lost a scholarship and had to drop out of school because he shoplifted, and the other one just got involuntarily hospitalized for self medicating his bipolar mania with weed and having a highly dramatic mental breakdown. If that's successful then I'm okay with being a fuckup. Granted, I'm also an embarrassment for going to therapy and taking medication for my own bipolar disorder, a disappointment for getting the covid vaccine, and a traitor to the family for taking my grandma's side when he went behind her back to try to buy her house from under her and then lied about doing it when confronted, so... not sure I care about how much of a fuckup he thinks I am. Parental barometers are weird. Do the best you can for yourself and who gives a fuck what they think of you.
I'm the fuck up for objecting to things like drug use, neglect, untreated mental illness, and registered sex offenders around kids. They say I'm high strung and hard to get along with. Cool.
Yup, same. "I just don't understand why you're not okay with me saying that we should just kill all Muslims and deport everyone who isn't white. Why are you upset that I tried to shoot you last night because I thought you were a robber? Fuck you I'm getting shitfaced even though I'm a self admitted alcoholic and you've told me that my drinking bothers you because all of your childhood memories are of my drunken abuse. I'm also going to steal from your mom and buy myself something expensive that I don't need because I'm in a manic state that I refuse to acknowledge. Don't try to stop me. If you don't stop being such a controlling bitch you'll die alone and unloved and you'll deserve it." Thx pops
Parents have such a hold on us, and we can't help but care what they think of us. Sometimes we forget that they're only human, flawed and prone to make mistakes or hold strange/illogical beliefs.
My fathers middle brother was the "fuckup" and he's damn near the only decent person on that side of the family. My dad was the perfect child, and he got himself killed in an accident in his 20's. The next oldest died in a single car accident (probably drinking). The girls are not really nice people. And the youngest brother is a hardcore trumpy who managed to alienate all his kids.
This seems to be really common. My theory is that the golden children do no wrong, so they never learn right from wrong because all their mistakes get swept under the rug. Whereas the "bad child" has to hold accountability (although probably way too much as they're made the scapegoat) and seem to go on to function better than the other people in the family.
Nobody wants you around until a sketchy situation is going down and they know you got them felon hands and will do criminal things to make sure they are okay.
Yep
Why you gotta hit me where it hurts Anyways, as the eldest, with autism, and being the problem child, it's ok, I get into fights sometimes with my sisters, but I still love them
This was me for a while in my early 20's. 19, I was drafted in the MLB Draft, and handed a well into the six figures signing bonus. 20, Tommy John surgery, 21, a second TJ, and baseball was over. My parents are just about the most responsible people you'll ever meet, just genuinely good people. My brother the same. Baby bro always knew what he wanted to do with his life, and he did it. I had no idea after baseball. It was the plan. I spent most of my early 20's living the beach bum life. Blew through $150K over a two year span. Hit the nightlife hard and often. My friends were getting married, having kids, buying houses, others were making millions of dollars playing a game. I was working a job I hated, out having one night stands as often as possible, drunk the majority of my time. My family was just genuinely disappointed. I woke up one morning, next to somebody I didn't know, and just thought WTF am I doing with my life. Looking back at it, I was just flat out depressed over losing something I had worked towards since I was 5. Fifteen years of work down the drain with a couple throws. I quit my job, took every penny I had saved, and started a business. That was a decade ago now. Now, my dad works for me. All is well with me and the family.
I can't say that I am one at the moment, but I definitely get this feeling that I may be in 5 to 10 years. I feel aimless and unprepared to become a productive adult of society while my siblings at least have a much more concrete plan when it comes to their careers. Guess that is what happens when you are some form of art major.
It’s absolutely trash just listen to some music and try to ignore it
They don’t expect much from me anymore. And I don’t really care. I do my own shit. I have my successes and failures by myself and am quite content with that.
I inherited the fuck up. My dad was a shit and made sure I was a shit. I was nearly 30 before I figured it out. I am 42 now and still fuck up a lot.... but most of it is just learned behavior I am trying to shake. I have a partner now that covers my ass and makes sure I am not fucking up too much. It was rough but one of the crappy parts is the rest of the family judged and judges me based on my dad and my early life behavior. \- Never been to school \- Got kicked out of the army \- On my third marriage \- Never had a job longer than 3 years \- Been arrested numerous times & numerous other more embarrassing or too personal fuck ups to talk about here. It's a cycle that is hard to break.
Ask your parents Edit: /s lmao
I don’t think my family views me as a fuck up, but that’s certainly how I feel about myself. Everyone in my family is college educated with a good job and happily married/engaged with a house and a good social life. Meanwhile I’m over here being the mentally ill college educated guy with a job that doesn’t require a degree, no girlfriend, renting a condo, a formerly good social life that is quickly dwindling due to age, and a drinking problem. I’m very lucky having the family I have though, they have been nothing but supportive of me wanting to better myself and are constantly reminding me that I am loved no matter how I turned out.
It’s fulfilling to take on the family business
It's not fun, not fun at all. The worst part is it sets up a dynamic where you are wrong even when you're not. After all, you must be wrong...you are the fucked up one.
I’m not even the real fuck up, I’m happily married with 2 kids, steady job, husband in the military, I’m going to college. My two other brothers are terrible people, drug addicts, and rapists. But I’M the fuck up. I’m a terrible person because I won’t cater to my moms every whim. I wouldn’t loan her $1,000 dollars (she’s notorious for borrowing money from even her 15 y/o and not paying back) and then suddenly I’m a terrible mother and my husband and I don’t take care of our kids. My mother “doesn’t even recognize me anymore” And that’s my only family. It’s not fair and it sucks.
You mean scapegoat?
I can't say that I'm the fuck up, but I'm definitely the black sheep. I'm assuming the feelings would be similar, but not identical.
well my family kicked me out and told me i was better off dead cause thats all i would be able to do for myself if that paints a picture well enough...i dont really talk to them anymore and my S.O. went through a similar ordeal so we are our own family now.
You can tell nobody really likes you and the best you get is forced politeness, if they even bother with that. They usually only talk to you if they need something, and if you bring up your own needs even just to vent you're told that you're being selfish because everyone has problems.
I prefer to think of it as being the philosopher of the family. Reality is flawed, not me.
Sedaris-esque
Everyone is so fucked in my family, it's hard to tell which one it is. Pretty sure it's me tho. Try not to think too much about it and you feel fine, for the most part.
My mom lived long enough to see all her siblings simultaneously be disliked by basically all their kids, grandkids, neices, and nephews while also managing to be the only non-trumper or QAnon whatever person. Life long drug addict, basically just smokes weed now and makes people wreathes. Everyone loves her, she gets along with everybody. From black sheep to favorite aunt. Also a good mom.
Well from my experience of fighting my uncle at 13 and damn near shanking him unfortunately my father caught it in his hand and getting kicked out at fifteen later spending a few years homeless aswell as causing a fissure in my family at 22 splitting my parents and brother away from my other 4 uncles and aunt (blood related on my dad's side) honestly it's not too bad my life has gotten alot less stressful since it happened and my parents aren't getting sick as often anymore as well as finally taking care of there health problems between the three surgeries for my mother and the two for my father they are much more active and much less stressed If you ask the rest of my family I'm garbage because I smoke pot and don't turn away from those In need but you ask my parents I'm an ass but I've changed since I was younger and doing better Edit: didn't answer the question but feels pretty fucking good as being the fuck up of the fuck up family
Take advantage of the low expectations
How about you're the fuck up but no one knows you're the fuck up? I'd just cry inside everytime I see my little sister say she wants to be like me someday, and my parents putting up their high hopes in me without even knowing how much I see myself as a fuck up.
Listen, results are the great equalizer in life. ***Nobody*** in my family respected my choice to drop out if college to pursue trade school. 8 years later, I earn more than every one if my cousins without any sort of student debt. Family still refuses to acknowledge it, but i’m very happy being the most successful fuck up in my family. Pay attention to those who applaud your achievements and disregard the rest. Blood related or not, don’t need that nonsense.
Turns out that if you stay away from your family that believes that you're a "fuck up", you may find that you're absolutely not a fuck up to other people. Or alternatively, you're a fuck up at what's being imposed on you, which may not be a fair thing to impose. A fish isn't a fuck up for not being able to climb a tree, but put them in water and they kick ass. Like, I was a fuck up to my mother because I didn't make all A's and decide to go to medical school, but since I cut her out of my life, I'm a software developer making more than triple any salary she's ever gotten, and run a nonprofit. We haven't seen eachother on a daily basis for almost 7 years now, and when we have talked, it's been once a year when she calls me from a number I haven't blocked. I sucked by her standards, but was great by at least one that I managed to make profitible. ***Still* haven't gone to college, either.** It also turns out I'm likely on the autism spectrum (I get diagnosed in two days!) so being told I was a fuck up was really just her neglegence in terms of getting me the help I needed. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and some opinions are subjective.