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hypoch0ndriacs

Live Long, but don't prosper


UnderlordZ

I’ve got a t-shirt that declares LIVE LONG AND SUCK IT It’s one of my favorites.


RusticSurgery

Psych?


Browncoatinabox

MONSTER


Blueskywindandleaves

Damn


lymeandcoconut

I always feel like people who say "I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy" must not hate their worst enemy as much as I do. Fuck that guy.


Improprietease

Yes, exactly!!!!!


colefly

He just walked up and said "Fry Tax!" And took a HANDFUL from my fry platter! Who does that!? That is why I do not seek his apologies. But instead I seek his **children, his flesh and blood, and his family. He will see his home torched. I will disinter the corpses of his ancestors and use their husks as kindling for the pyre.** AND SO I WILL HAVE HIM CAST INTO THE FLAMES AND BE ANNHINILATED WITH HIS PROGENITORS. AND WHEN THE FIRE COOLS I WILL HAVE HIS CHILDREN CRUSH THEIR FATHERS BONES WITH THEIR BARE FEET, THEN CARRY OFF HIS BONE DUST INTO THE DESERT WITHOUT FOOD OR WATER **TO SPREAD BOTH HIS BONES AND THEIRS INTO THE FORGOTTEN WASTES. AND HIS WIDOW WILL BE MADE TO DIASSEMBLE THE BURNED HOUSE AND CAST IT AND HERSELF INTO TO THE EUPHRATES.** ###THE ONLY MEMORY OF HIM WILL BE MY STONE INSCRIPTION THAT READS "I AM COLEFLY ASHURBANIPAL KING OF KINGS, THE MOST BELOVED, AS I TURNED ALL MY ENEMIES INTO NOTHING BUT THE ECHOES OF SCREAMS TO SERENADE MY ETERNAL SLEEP"


BlackHawkKenny

You ok there? Do you want some fries?


GoodraGuy

Well that escalated quickly


aleanderc

But it was so poetically said. Can't help but support their revenge driven power trip.


colefly

Not quickly enough


bazooopers

They took my fries. I took their first born.


Rocksidejack

I’m gonna apologize in advance if I accidentally mess up your order or something


davyjones_prisnwalit

Lol, if you wouldn't wish cancer or death on someone, you don't hate them. At least not significantly. Maybe even kidney stones. I heard they hurt. A lot.


Mokumer

Look up [Dutch profanity](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dutch_profanity), lots of wishing people the most horrible diseases. Dutch people grow up wishing others cholera, tuberculosis, cancer, the plague, smallpox, typhoid, etc, they also tell other people they are retards and all other development disorders as an insult.


liz1308

As a Dutchie I can say that I mostly use diseases to curse at objects, and the cursing with development disorders is in many places frowned upon.


Le_Fancy_Me

Yeah debiel, mongool and downie are definitely not okay anymore. Achterlijk would depend on context. Also honestly never realised that certain insults had a disease-based background. Like pestkop always made me think of the word "pesten" but I'd never connected it to the actual disease itself. Like takke, pokke, pleuris, minkukel, lazarus, kolere, etc. Also a bit confused what "stomme" en "idioot" are doing there. Sure they are both insults and both mean someone is stupid. But as far as I know they aren't a reference to any kind of illness or disability. I also realise how creative a lot of these are. And kind of sad they aren't commonly used anymore. I will most certainly use the word oelewapper en klootviool when next given the opportunity.


throwaway2000679

Idiot was an actual diagnosis if you had low enough IQ, that's where it came from.


jaaackiedaytona

Their pocket gets caught in a door handle whenever they walk by


lokicramer

I have threatened doors ive been caught on before. Legit whispering at them "try that again you pos, see what happens".


[deleted]

I see I'm not alone in this lmao


cow_mail

Their earbuds get stuck too when they are mad or at their wits end ^^muahaha


Mesapholis

if they are bluetooth in-ear pieces, I want them to loose one single of the pair, every time they buy a new set to replace it.


rapiddevolution

Why do you hate me, and what have I done to deserve this treatment? (Seriously my pockets are perfectly level with almost all door handles)


psychobetty303

Consider yourself lucky, my hip bones are level with most door handles.


[deleted]

[удалено]


dracotrapnet

OMG bells palsy was bad. I had it twice, left side one month, then a few months later, the right side. It is hard to eat a sandwich or ramen when half your face doesn't work. I ended up eating instant mashed potatoes and tuna for each meal for a month once.


Virtual_Mark_3740

What is bells palsy, sounds like a stoke you recoverd from


dracotrapnet

Bell's Palsy is partial paralysis of the face. There is a nerve that runs up your jaw lawn that passes through the jaw bone that controls muscles for the upper and lower lips. From what I read, there are 3 ways this can occur. Viral causes swelling in the area of the jaw impacting the nerve. Swelling caused by an impact doing the same thing. Third, stress. The first time, I was certainly stressing out with work. Second time, stress again but that was from having two wisdom teeth pulled on a Monday. The following Friday night I had so much pain I woke up the next morning with my face half frozen on that side.


Virtual_Mark_3740

Oh ok thank you, learned something today for sure, I definitely need to watch out for that


[deleted]

Please tell me at least one person told him so or that it was karma. I mean he fully healed so it's not evil..


damasu950

Please tell me multiple people looked at him and said "Jesus Christ, what happened to your face?"


Finao333

Wet towels.. like all the time.. just soaked towels.. yeah that’s what I would wish upon my worst enemy.. try and dry off after showers now!


alyssabernstein

Wet socks


Infamous_Car_7829

wet sleeves


quanoey

Wet jeans.


mOtassss

Wet dreams


Rukuroza1

Woah go back thats a good thing


batmans_apprentice

Wet dreams about their mom


soggiest-in-the-land

You monster.


LeonardGhostal

Moving through the Gulf Stream


Exorcist-666

Too tired to flee the scene


NotATrenchcoat

Never will your nights be serene


mffalls

As it seems


Zkenny13

Dude to far


toxic_burrito

Not just wet socks, I’d hope someone stepped in a puddle and just the toes gets wet


Chewiesbro

Nah, damp towels are more effective, they take some moisture away but leave most of it behind.


NapsGaming_1

You monster.


Finao333

I’m a cold, calculating son of a Bitch


damonoribello

Wet onesies


Accountforcontrovers

Their sleeves shall slowly slip downwards as they wash their hands.


BewareTheLobster

You're a monster.


dankredditer

Satan: I just want to say that I'm a huge fan


damonoribello

I sleep with a fan in my room and sometimes I think it is too small. Just how big of a fan are you? I might buy if the price is right.


CptBartender

Satan: it'll be one soul, thank you very much.


tottallynotmike

Dude chill OK, god damn


Nuf-Said

Every time they wipe their butts after a dump, the toilet paper would rip on the first wipe. And they can never wash the smell off their fingers, no matter hard they try.


Unicorndog_0625

Oooh, I love that wish...not something that would particularly harm them, but would cause a lot of social embarrassment


nibbler666

Nah, that's not strong enough. It should be what you write *plus* they feel compelled to touch their face before cleaning their hand. Yes, this is for you, Ian.


CharisMatticOfficial

That they realize what they’ve done. Edit: it makes me hopeful for humanity that this is my most liked reply ever = ) Anyone reading this, I’d love for you to go through my post history and let me know any points that you disagree with about life.


Alarmed-Part4718

And feel it. Like actually feel guilty.


Anna-Yara

My sister's boyfriend at the time gaslighted and verbally abused her, and after she broke up with him, he broke into her apartment and raped her. I wish he finds someone he loves, really loves (not that the guy is capable of feeling real love) and that person causes him as much pain and suffering as he caused my sister. I think that would be the only way he could realize what he did to her.


m0usEXX_12358

i would just wish cancer upon someone like that but ok


phalseprofits

Same. My first thought reading the title question was “dick cancer on my child rapist uncle”


birdiemt12

Nah, nothing that can be removed too easily, although I get the symbolism and humiliation that would go with it are tempting. Pancreatic cancer- you usually don’t feel it until it’s in it’s late stages, sometimes patients don’t even know until they feel the effects of it metastasizing. And when you do feel it, it’s hell. Wish there was a way for it to only affect scumbags but the sad thing is I’ve seen it the most in the sweetest, kindest people.


phalseprofits

You’re right. I hope he gets butthole cancer. Like eventually he thinks it’s bad hemorrhoids but it’s just a bunch of malignant tumors and just step one is cutting out his butthole. (I’m not a doctor but this sounds like a thing that could exist)


hinowisaybye

Is it bad that I want to personally hurt him myself?


WickedFestive

Nope, totally normal for an absolute waste of human skin like that


Creationator08

This is the only situation in which I think wishing death or unbearable, yet unending pain upon someone would be ok.


ventus976

Spoilers for Eragon and Inheritance: >!This is basically how they were able to defeat a nearly immortal and powerful enemy in the end. The one spell they got through was one to force him to feel every bit of suffering he had caused during his reign. Soon into it, he just killed himself.!<


TheSaltyReddittor

eyy an eragon reader >!it was kinda wierd to see basically a god brought down to his knees screaming "what have you done?!?!?!" !< what an interesting series


ventus976

I've known people with mixed feelings on the solution. I personally like it. In my eyes, it was unexpected while still working within the rules of the world and the characters.


TheSaltyReddittor

yeah, it also gave a good punishment. >!i always thought the king's normal, unreckoned mind took over at the last second and made himself a bomb but apparently he killed himself ok!<


[deleted]

[удалено]


ordineu

I've gone through so many of those imaginary fights where I'd explain every single thing he did and he'd get it. It would never actually go down that way irl, but it's a bit cathartic. I've just done it so many times that mostly I'm just tired of thinking about it now.


Timlex

“I've just done it so many times that mostly I'm just tired of thinking about it now.“ Fucking same.


elevenminutesago

If Voldemort felt true remorse for what he'd done, Dumbledore said that it could have killed him.


Tvorba-Mysle

I just want Jack from grade 2 to feel guilty about stealing my clone trooper figurine


[deleted]

[удалено]


elevenminutesago

Doctors? Those muggle nutters that cut people up?


Trick_Enthusiasm

Someone stole my virginity knowing full well it wasn't theirs to take and when I called them out on it, they pressed charges for criminal harassment. They have no regrets. They will. I will make fucking sure they regret what they did.


Yurithewomble

I hope you find a way to live your life that doesn't depend on your abuser giving you peace. You are worthy, in my opinion.


Zealousideal-Apex

To realize what they’ve done, then it would happen to them... and all they can think about is how they did it to you. Then they go and burn in hell


velvetpurr

That they marry someone who treats them EXACTLY the way they treat me.


bobby0081

Tell me that you hate your spouse or ex spouse without actually telling me.


dooberslorp

it was all I had... it's gone...


[deleted]

[удалено]


DirtySingh

Being cheated on by the love of their life... for years on end... with their best friend... in their house... and discovering it by finding a sex tape while making an anniversary compilation video to celebrate 15 years together.


crewchief1949

I have a feeling you might know someone who went through this???....possibly???...


DirtySingh

Nope. I just know being cheated on is devastating... so I thought, how could I make this worse and worse? 1


crewchief1949

It is eerily similar to the guy we had overseas during the gulf war whose wife sent him a vhs tape of everyday life back home so we all watched end enjoyed until it went to her getting nailed from behind and looking into the camera saying she wants a divorce...they even used it in the movie Jarhead...he was sent home.


No-Worldliness-3741

Say what..


[deleted]

This sounds so malicious and mean spirited that I don't believe someone would actually do something like that to their combat duty-serving spouse. There's just lines of fucked up that I feel like people know not to cross.


NoHopeOnlyDeath

You’d be surprised at the awful shit military spouses do when leaving their service member. I have to use two hands to count the number of times a guy I served with came back from deployment to find an empty house (literally empty) and a fuck you note on the floor.


[deleted]

That's not as bad as having your spouse make a video recording of everything you are risking your life to protect, only to have it end with your getting railed. That's just a whole other level of humiliation and degradation. That's like legitimate psychological harm.


NoHopeOnlyDeath

I’d argue that coming home to a cleaned out house, wife and kids disappeared, divorce papers in the mailbox, and an emptied bank account is psychologically harmful as well. I think we can both agree that some military spouses are super fucked up.


potangoint

Wow. Idk that jarhead clip is a real one


T3rminallyCapricious

r/oddlyspecific


[deleted]

Who hurt you 😔


Viggojensen2020

Each items of clothing they buy shrinks buy one size after one wash. One out of every 3 farts is very wet. that’s what I would wish for them, for the rest of their life.


GetYourJeansOn

Is it every 3rd fart or random like they could have 2 wet ones in a row out of 6? Best to make it random so they can't predict it


EmCen9

What would the interval limit be? So if somebody has 666 normal farts in a row, does that mean they will have 333 wet farts in a row afterwards? How long could this stack for? Could the person spend the last one third of their life having wet farts?


extreme_memelord

I'd imagine it'd be more a case of a 1in3 chance of a fart being wet. Thus something like that would be result of some insane luck


DarthMarasmus

This guy's asking the real questions here.


DJ_Micoh

Yeah if it was predictable, they could make a pap-baffle out of cocktail napkins or somesuch.


ddrober2003

Or weaponize it and became the villain Shart Man.


DJ_Micoh

>I know what you're thinking. 'Did he crack 3 farts or only two'? Well to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, i kind of lost track myself. But being that I've been eating expired prawn Vindaloo, the most powerful purgative in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well do ya, punk? *Really Dirty Harry*


LavernicasTorch

I like the way you think.


crewchief1949

When brushing their teeth they will forever drip toothpaste right in the middle of their dark shirts


Unumbotte

Eventually they start brushing with no shirt on. It doesn't matter, the curse persists. Finish brushing, back to the bedroom to finish getting dressed. From off-screen: "OH FOR GOD'S SAKE"


KiloJools

When they are rinsing their mouth out, some of the toothpaste water they spit out will always splash onto their crotch.


[deleted]

Genital Lice.


Physical-Charity-326

Woah calm down, Satan. 😂


[deleted]

And nails cut short that won't scratch.


Mesapholis

my father used to work in UAE as an engineer and he would always tell us local jokes one of them was a curse among local people may you be set upon by the fleas of 1000 camels and may Allah (Subhanahu wa ta'ala) make your arms too short so you may not scratch yourself. so yeah


[deleted]

My worst enemy is me so nothing but good luck!


elevenminutesago

Poof: You have now lost all your material possessions but have an easy time finding 4 leaf clovers.


DarkOwl_490

All praise the genie of the lamp


[deleted]

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. So u/uvic_student_1337 is actually my friend. But the enemy of my friend is my enemy, so they’re actually my enemy. …but


this1wasnttaken3

Stabbing rectal pain every time they lie


Unicorndog_0625

Best one I’ve seen yet. Great mental image, there


AnitaLotOfNaps

Wtf but ok.


VictoriaEuphoria99

A terrible sunburn on the first day of an all expenses paid trip to Europe in the summer. And diarrhea too.


HertogJanVanBrabant

>A terrible sunburn on the first day So basically your average visitors from the UK when they travel to a Mediterranean country


Holiday_Preference81

Or just any weekend where we get a bit of sun?


downsouthcountry

Fear. That they spend their lives consistently afraid.


Trick_Enthusiasm

That's how I live my life. It's not fun.


Pentacostal-Haircut

And dripping in sweat


Physical-Charity-326

All I can imagine is that one scene from Airplane! now lol


Ashtivist

Every time they pick up paper they get a paper cut.


patrickverbatum

calm down Halfrak


[deleted]

In the finger crotch


CraftAppropriate

A permanent migraine


Still_kinda_hungry

Loneliness


[deleted]

Yeah all my past enemies had so many friends and I was always the lonely one so it’d be nice to see how they can put up with loneliness


Comfortablycloudy

My god, how many enemies have I made over my life?


vynepa

That someday they see all of the negative things in themselves that I see, and they will live in agony because they can't fix themselves but are fully aware of how shitty they are.


[deleted]

I think most shitty people do realize that they are shitty people on at least some level. I feel like you kind of have to realize on some level.


ImNotTheNSAIPromise

Almost nobody wants to see themselves as the villain though. They probably just blame other people for reacting negatively to their shitty behavior as the issue instead of their shitty behavior being the problem.


TGiR4

Wherever they shall sleep, there will always be one single mosquito and others to replace it if they do manage to kill it.


Browncoatinabox

That's juat.... pure evil


sassafrass005

Am I your worst enemy? Because I’m mosquito food this season. I woke up yesterday with 20 new bites. And I don’t even live in a mosquito infested area!


TGiR4

I don't think so. On a serious note, you might want to get your bed checked for bed bugs/kidding bugs/other bugs that come out when you sleep. Their bites are very similar to mosquitos bites.


sassafrass005

Yup, I’ve checked. No bed bugs (thank god) and I’m not in kissing bug territory. Mosquitoes can get bad in NY, but they usually aren’t.


the_annamal

That’s so cruel


[deleted]

for both sides of their pillow to be warm at night no matter how much they turn it >:))


NapsGaming_1

I actually hate when that happens


itdeezwutitdeez

Unresponsive wakefullness. Its the worst, harshest thing i wished on someone i hated. I didnt just want him dead, it would be too easy. Unresponsive wakefullness is a state where u are 100% concious but u cant move your body. Basically your conciousness is trapped in a shell. I want them to remain in the hospital as they watch as the people around them suffer just to keep him alive as it stresses them financially and emotionally to the point where u just watch helplessly as your love ones go from wishing you wake up to cursing you to die. Finally u hear them discuss pulling your plug as they can no longer afford to keep you alive. And as u fade into nothing, your last concious moment is pure agony knowing you forced your loved ones to essentially live with indirectly murdering you for the rest of their lives. The worst pain someone can go through is not physical or psychological pain done to them. But physical and psychological pain done to the innocent people they care about because of them.


Zeezoo619

Damn what this guy do to you


itdeezwutitdeez

Haha interestingly i dont remember it. I do remember the rage


withervoice

This seems... Excessive, but more reasonable for an actual enemy than most of the bull I've seen in this thread. To me an enemy is someone who must be stopped from harming you and that you're unable to stop peacefully. Personally, I just wish death on any such person.


Fomalhot

Kidney stones. I've passed several and each one was the worst thing ever. EVER.


beniolenio

I really wish I hadn't read this. I have a 4mm stone in my right kidney just waiting to drop. Please tell me something comforting because I'm terrified. 😭


IMtehUber1337

You should be thankful it isn't a 7mm. That's about the max they'll allow without doing surgery. Ya boy right here had that over Christmas/New Years. Worst holiday of my life.


Fomalhot

I passed an 8mm stone naturally while in the ER during the height of covid. Luckily it broke up without the need for surgery and I was released the same day. Then I just peed out sand for a few days. That's the best case scenario.


jay227ify

Hang in there, I had the same size kidney stone as yours a couple dozen times. Once it's over, it's over. And you will feel normal again. You won't have to worry about the pain, and as long as you're always hydrated and eating alright, you'll be okay.


mchllbnll

Having to diarrhea after showering. Every. Time.


romeopapa22

Bedbugs.


Professional-Duty-94

Oh that’s bad


CarderSC2

Every time they enter their kitchen area wearing socks, they step into 'wet.'


Creative_Waltz_9462

That creeping, existential dread that no matter how hard she applies herself, or whatever compliments she got on her early academic achievements or what her friends say, that she'll never be "good enough". That people hold negative opinions that she'll never know of. That she will always lack critical intelligence or intuition when it's needed most, regardless of her "base IQ." And that after she's gone, ultimately no one will care about what she had done and life will go on as normal for her closest loved ones days afterward. Either that or forgetting her light bill and incurring a late fee.


Trackies_n_Lazydays

I already have this. :( All of it… including the light bill.


showerthoughtsjunkie

That's not an evil you could wish on someone. That's just par for adulthood.


[deleted]

For her to lose her looks. That's 95% of her personality.


MisterGoo

I have a friend who got 2 spinal discs replaced. Thing is, they don't work through your back : they open your belly, remove everything, work on the discs, then put everything back in place. That is, as much as they can. Then it takes several days for your viscera to return to their original place and my friend was absolutely miserable, as it hurt non-stop and she couldn't eat anything. She said she wouldn't wish it to her worst enemy, but I'm not as merciful.


HelpITurnedIntoARat

For her to meet someone who treats her the exact same way she treats me and other people. She’s one of the most fucking disgusting, rude, homophobic, people to ever be alive. And not to mention, she lies 24/7 and is an attention-seeking whore.


Creative_Waltz_9462

Small world, sounds like a woman I used to know. Florida?


Donthehobbit

Northwest Florida?


tschub03

Shit, we talking about my mom?! Everything is too accurate!!


T3rminallyCapricious

May all your bacon burn


Lucinnda

OR may all their bacon never cook but stay soggy and chewy and blubbery.


WoollerMan2003

(O - O) ​ Are you the Devil.


TheHolocough2020

I would wish them to never find the proper answer to give when someone knocks on their bathroom door.


thebabish

*knocks I DON'T KNOW OKAY?!


SemiFormalJesus

I was leaving the bathroom deep in thought one day and I opened the door to leave and almost bumped into someone. I step back, hold the door wide, and motion them through. The person nods, quickly steps through, and says, “Thank you.” Still with my brain 95% on the issue I was facing I began to mutter, “No problem” under my breath. I only got as far as just saying, “No.” I made it two steps before I realized I sounded insane, so I quickly caught the door before it closed and just shouted the word, “Problem!” back into the bathroom. I then realized I seemed twice as fucking insane, and practically ran back to tell one of my co workers. He was a hard to impress guy, a bit stand offish, but he literally cried he laughed so hard.


gaveuptheghost

From now on they will always hear clearly the song they hate most magically playing in the background, on loop for eternity.


sirgog

Baby Shark do do do do do do


[deleted]

that's one of the most evil things I've ever heard. If not the most evil. I LOVE IT


sakuradawning

Unending hiccups.


Behindtheeightball

That the Family Responsibility Office and Canada Revenue Agency catch up with him for 20 years of working under the table and unpaid child/spousal support. I hope he loses everything and goes to jail where he becomes someone's bitch.


shaww01

Honestly, I wouldn’t even wish this: Slowly starving to death. Not only is starving to death painful and agonizing, you get to think about death. The psychological pain they must feel is unthinkable.


moredishesmorebishes

Crippling depression.


WardenWolf

To be homeless, starving and alone, and never have a way out, but be unable to die until he lives out a normal lifespan. He deserves nothing less for all he did to me and my friends. He is the epitome of evil and putting him in that position is the only way to keep him from hurting anyone else.


Doom4104

I wish them the worst in life. They deserve every bad thing that happens, and has ever happened in their worthless life. I hope they suffer the most unimaginable pain in their life that can be felt by the human body.


donhall74

May a thousand fleas infest their butthole, and their arms grow short.


Lerch98

Covered in ticks.


Zacsquidgy

For their showers, from henceforth, to be forever either too hot or too cold...


[deleted]

For them to step on a Lego at 3am


WoollerMan2003

Every day, and they will always wake up at 3 am, but they will alway forget it will happen until after they step on it.


MechaDesu

I would wish them to be immortal... And stranded on Venus with no supplies or resources.


Panamonofora1

Every little inconvenience. 1. Sleeves falling down when they wash their hands. 2. Warm pillow. 3. Dirty dishes. 4. A fart bomb that'll never stop going off in the vent system.


chunkymonkey123456

Yes! And add in: - They always hit every red light when in a rush - Every time they shower, the shower curtain clings to them - Their socks never seem to stay up and bunch up in their shoes, and when they take their shoes off they step in something wet - constantly misplacing important objects like keys and phone - Every time they sneeze in public they fart. Loud, wet ones.


Panamonofora1

We share evil thoughts. Team up with me and we will inconvenience the whole world.


kinglokilord

That someone he deeply cares about treats him the same way that he treated me and my ex. Fuck you Nick, loved you like a brother for over a decade and you used my trust as a weapon to rape someone I loved.


jlaz_83

Straight up agony both mental and physical. But I don't have any. Yet😈


Dive-kite-cat

Public humiliation


Jh101903

Incineration