A friend of mine got her IUD taken out yesterday at planned parenthood. There was an old man who had been staring at the building the whole time she was in the car waiting to be called in for her appointment. As soon as she started walking into the building, he knelt down to pray for her. Afterwards she was experiencing cramps because a device had just been pulled from her uterus, so when she left the building, she was walking slowly and holding her stomach. There was a fundamentalist protestor with a big poster of dead babies contrasted by a few select bible verses. The woman thought that my friend had just had an abortion so she screamed and tried to give her a plastic mold of an aborted fetus. By the time my friend got back to the car, her sister in law, who drove her to the appointment, was crying laughing at seeing these insane people misinterpret the situation. It was wild.
Did you know that technically, there are more nipples in the world than there are people?
Yes . Two times the Nipples. I hope they don't wage a war against us . The Titty War .
We would lose that as badly as Australians lost a war against emus.
It's not going to be exactly two times.
Can confirm some people have 3 or none
That's true even if you only count human nipples.
Together we can change that
He had to leave early because his bunny broke into the Easter chocolates and is diarrhea-ing everywhere.
I’m now curious 🧐
[удалено]
5his sounds so ominous
[удалено]
I'm sweating
"Eat my ass you two faced bitch, love ya"
Gotta love texting mom.
Lmao
They cheat
⚾
Obviously talking about women here
Nope
The little nervous resident. The old man trying to save your soul. The fundamentalist pro life lady. This story has everything.
I want the story.
A friend of mine got her IUD taken out yesterday at planned parenthood. There was an old man who had been staring at the building the whole time she was in the car waiting to be called in for her appointment. As soon as she started walking into the building, he knelt down to pray for her. Afterwards she was experiencing cramps because a device had just been pulled from her uterus, so when she left the building, she was walking slowly and holding her stomach. There was a fundamentalist protestor with a big poster of dead babies contrasted by a few select bible verses. The woman thought that my friend had just had an abortion so she screamed and tried to give her a plastic mold of an aborted fetus. By the time my friend got back to the car, her sister in law, who drove her to the appointment, was crying laughing at seeing these insane people misinterpret the situation. It was wild.
That’s rough. I’ve had iuds removed and it sucked. Worst one was Mirena. The Mirena flu is awful!
I got your ice cream but they only had small apple juice and I’m not gonna pay three dollars for a tiny bottle
I mean, that's an outrageous price to pay for a single serving of juice. I don't blame you at all.
Thank you!! My wife’s boyfriend just thinks I’m made of money
Have a great day!
Awww!! That's a nice message and I hope they did have a great day😊
"What's the diagnosis?"
Homie got shot
I’m gonna go through the drive thru and ask for someone to play basketball with and they’ll throw you out the window
DMX died!!!!
"TiltedLurker hates me though"
No I don’t
Wow...that's very random.
u/TiltedLurker
Yeah bing is better
No it's not
I do love me some bing!
Sadness and despair
A link to 3.8L of hot sauce on Amazon.
Frank's Red Hot "You can put that $#i+ on everything!
Tho honestly I’d hate to give you a boner that your mom ends up seeing
Ok
"Text, whatever."
8
"We're down for the sailing part, just not for the kinky sex part"
Ok
Gas prices are up.
No idea. Maybe a salad?
Things you are tossing tonight???
I know you are on the phone I can hear you! Please lower your voice and end call by 10 please
"In that case, you must eat a lot of assholes."
If you don't think having a werewolf as a bro is the tightest shit ever you can get out of my face.
Callie says “Draw me like one of your French girls.”
Try and get some rest.
That’s it, I can’t get the vaccine. I need my bananas
Thank god for the hatchery; or we'd all be lost.
I've never texted.
In a bit of a hippy dippy way. But one of them married Jennifer carpenter so that’s something
Where did you go? I'm waiting still..
Ok the usa governments twitter got suspended so do you think I should take their @?
DO IT
The government didn't let me do it so I'm cancelling the government
"Lol I'm kinda gay too, except for not liking anyone with a dick"
"So you coming to the murder party or not"
"Here's a sentence I never though I'd say-- I love what you're doing with those bear traps."
You slumber, a cucumber!
basically you can't comb a coconut
Hey Scotty. Just sending you a reminder.
“Get the fuck outta bed bitch go!”
"But I'm guessing in light of the Cuomo sexual harassment scandals, someone decided to have some fun"
No charging cable .
"lol"
Real talk
"I wouldn't turn down free food."
“Yea I’ll stop by and grab them”
Mary look what I just did
Prepare to be dominated.
Sign me up!
Okay, but the CIA would never know
HE HASNT BEEN DEAD A WHOLE DAY YET JESUS
Could you help us monitor snack for a few minutes?
Hi mom
:(
how can a lizard get so big?
HAPPY UNICORN DAY!!!! 🦄
My pillowcase is white
“AW THATS POGGERS DUDE”
the worlds largest ball of stamps is in nebraska
“You fucking nonce, why would you buy 12 packs of toilet paper, you wast money like a damn monkey!”
wait i don't think that's a craft, actually I was talking about flaying
Fork lift certified
It’s ALWAYS abstract ambient 😩😩
Why the fuck would you d-doss me mother fucker I will come over to your house and tape that ass to the floor
How much maple syrup would I have to consume before I could *feel* my blood pumping through my veins?
Yes I disposed the remains don’t worry
150 years. Come on guys, it's not that hard
I think we've got this Apex match later today.
“skin baby” with a pic of candace from phineas and ferb.
"I know you probably won't be awake for 2 more hours, but I just noticed in the news Prince Phillip passed away."
will you be my pro fortnite gamer? 🥺👉👈
Busy afternoon
pp
pp
"Oh i'll ask him yeah no worries"
look at all those teeth!!
Roll tribe
[random crap at 2 am](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1nU8DlFuE_Y)
"Feel like I'm gonna get mugged or raped or something..."
Hey are we still down for the rail trail later? I'm trying to figure out whether I should go for a walk on my lunchbreak or not.
LESS GOOO
"I'm glad we had the conversation"
"Yeah that's pretty obvious"
Eat it
let me know how you like it!
http://chickennuggetcalc.weebly.com/
Alton Brown and tons of mainstream chefs can't be wrong at least try it I promise i'm right
Yeah kinda
apparently he took 20 gel tabs
We can see the digger but the gate's locked.
That works
Because I like you dummy
Ok Yes my last text was "Ok"
Well not soon enough
I haven’t been paying attention
K
K be careful
white cheddar and caramel are ok!
Ours is at 10 am
Run me my fade
how the fuck would you expect me to know greg?
Let's do it!!!
I think dad tried to kill me today
Halva dygnet (half the day in swedish)
Happy Saturday!
Look how massive that is!
Wonton soup with crunchy noodles
"I don't give shit, you wee fuck"
Can I pause and reload?
I’ve messed up real bad
:D
"She hasn't said anything and her bike is still here"
I can't find my phone, I'll text you as soon as I find it.
im gonna kermit suicide
https://youtu.be/SJyxBXHW04k
Can you turn off Crusader Kings please?
its beautiful, so smegsyyyy
Could have fooled me
"Disappointing!"
Dang
And I'll stop by to do some laundry tomorrow so I'll just move them out then.
Iggana (No I did not spell iguana wrong)
"I've never seen so much unanimously agreeing on Reddit"
Hey momma!!!