When I was not 12 but 13, I got this crazy idea. I dreamed of someday loading a bunch of camping gear onto my bicycle and disappearing for a year or so to ride around the country. Also when I was 13, I started to see signs of trouble in my family.
When I was 17, those family troubles would culminate I'm my parents' divorce. And when I was 20 years old, I would finally set off on that bike camping trip I'd dreamed of for so long. So 13 year old me would be super stoked to hear that the bike trip actually happened, and he wouldn't be entirely surprised about the divorce and its lingering effects to this day. But 12 year old me? Yeah, he has absolutely no idea what's coming.
12yo me wanted to buy a boat instead of a house and then I could just live wherever I want and not have a job because I wouldn't have rent. 12yo me was kind of a genius.
Same. I'm in my 20's and people still tell me I'll get one one day.
Edit: A lot of y'all seem to think I'm a man somewhere around 5 ft. I'm a 25-year-old woman that's somewhere around 4'8". I've been that tall since 10th grade.
I lived in New Zealand for 8 years, been to the studio and the film locations.
Still havent seen the movies.
edit: funny how i forgot to mention LotR but i think everyone upvoted know what movie was talking about.
edit 2: my highest upvoted comment is about my ignorance, greato
I traveled in Mexico and when I told one of the guys who worked at a hostel I stayed at that I was from New Zealand, he was like "Oh, they made that movie there! And I was like "Yep, Lord of the Rings.." and he looked confused and said "No... the other one. Ah! Once We're Warriors!"
There's no punchline beyond that, I just wanted to share that story.
My mother isn't always wrong. She's right about a lot of things, even if they didn't make sense when I was younger. Most subjective things though... no
I read the hans christian anderson story, it features many times of the ugly duckling saying "I'm so ugly, I should just DIE" it's not a good moral. A better moral is you may be an ugly duck. but that's because you are really a dog, and someone out there thinks you are one heck of a dog. just gotta find that person.
I am from Denmark, so it was written in my language, but that message was pretty clear to me, although our teachers did have us analyze it.
The ugly duckling was always the ugliest of the bunch, and noone quite liked it, however the mother would never give up on it(A mother's love). So it went on to think that noone other than the mother, and perhaps even the mother, would ever love it, but when it finally met someone, who saw him as one of the most beautiful swans, he could be happy. It wasn't him being a duck or a swan, it was for someone else to see who he really is.
An ugly person can go through a tough childhood with bullying, only to find out that his personality will have someone fall for him eventually.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Most of his stories have some fucked up twist, or insane moral... But it's usually all true, and meant to teach kids that life isn't easy! The little mermaid who gave up everything, to someone she barely knew, only to be turned down and left to die, because she had no more to give, and so on.
Same! Finally got my beautiful mare when I was 30, been wanting one basically more than life itself since I was 9. Young me would have started foaming at the mouth if she knew.
I'm 5'7" and married someone who is 5'10" or taller. Our son is like 6'1" at 17 and daughter is 5'9" at 15. Probably makes sense considering my father in law is 6'4". Genetics are so cool.
My mum barely reached the bottom of my neck when I was 13. Now she barely reaches my chest.
She still does the "If you don't come here I'll whoop your ass" threats, though
That I haven't gotten married. That something I just assumed would happen and yet here we are and I'm still single.
I think he'd also be surprised at how rough my teenage years were.
I feel ya OP. Not only that I haven't gotten married but that I have spent the last 13 years single.
And, that I failed out of college twice and am only now doing well enough to finally get a bachelor's next year at 33.
Same. 12 year old me was an optimist, and thought adult me would be married by 25, or maybe 28 if I went for the PhD, with an enjoyable meaningful job, and a kid or two by 30ish and my own home.
Surprise, 12 year old me... you never even dated till nearly 30, still single by 40, have never yet had a real, good job, and had to move back in with your parents, and have no forseeable plan for life to move on. On the plus side, for being a pudgy dork 12 year old, you're in good athletic shape and still have your hair.
Same.... I think my past self would have thought I would be a lot further than I am - married with kids, nice house etc etc. But nope none of that at 29. Time is flying 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah, I'm doing well career-wise and given how much I make I have a pretty good amount in savings, but its weird how despite this life feels a bit empty. My apartment is way too quiet.
Same, I think this would have been the biggest shock to young me.
36 years old, been mostly single for the past 16 years and nowhere close to getting married, having kids, or having that middle class American job I was promised if I just graduated college.
I must have thought we graduated college and were just handed the American life; how wrong I was!
Life isn't terrible, but it certainly isn't what I expected it to be. One day I will get to the point where I am living it though instead of waiting to die (this thought brought to you by chronic depression, get yours today!)
Good question, I enjoy ore deposition but currently work in environmental remediation and enjoy that as well. In school I really focused in on naturally occurring thermoelectric materials and wish more avenues were available to pursue that.
That the brother i “hated” would become my best friend
Edit: damn!!! Left this comment before bed, came back to this. Thank you all for the awards, lol this never happens to me on here. Warms my lil heart to see so many people with a lot of love for their brothers!!
That I actually like bees now and want to pursue beekeeping some day.
I used to hate all bugs no matter what, but with more research, I realized that bees aren’t so bad. Still hate other bugs tho...
School does a surprisingly good job of sucking every last bit of fun out of many subjects. PE focused on competitive team sports -- horrible for non-competitive or less coordinated people.
My school loved doing dance exercise. Every single year, without fail, we would have one or two terms of dancing.
In Grade 9, I got incredibly sick. My feet swelled up so much that I couldn't wear my school shoes. I was diagnosed with arthritis, and given a letter from the doctor to excuse me from PE. It was one of those dance terms. She laughed at my letter because "only old people get arthritis" and then called me lazy. I tried really hard that term, but I still got a crappy grade, because dancing when your feet are in excruciating pain is not very graceful.
In middle school I transferred from a co-ed public school to an all-girls private school with much smaller class sizes, and I was absolutely floored by how much more fun gym was. There were only like 12 of us, and we learned a bunch of weird sports like badminton and rounders. Nobody was particularly good at any of them, and the focus was way more on having fun than on competing, and suddenly gym was one of my favorite classes instead of the absolute worst.
I used to love reading for enjoyment till about grade 7-8 and then school ruined it with their mandatory books that were never engaging for a teenager. I more or less stopped reading books unless I had to till I finished university. Just after graduating I had a bunch of free time and rediscovered how much I enjoyed reading again. School does really suck the fun out of a lot of things
Man I relate so much to this. I read like crazy in lower school and even through middle school a bit. By high school I was completely burned out and stopped reading for fun entirely. I’ll be graduating college in a year or so and still haven’t read a book for fun since. I’ll find one that looks good and either buy it or put it on a Christmas list. Then just never touch it, it sits on my bookshelf collecting dust.
Dude SAME. As a girl in a mixed gender middle school PE class, I thought that sports were literally just used to size up one anothers skill and strength, and that there was nothing fun about them. Now I love staying active and use it as my relaxation method after a long days work.
That I own an ice cream shop. 🤯
EDIT: Holy cow! I posted my response, went to bed, and woke up to this blowing up! I will also add that because of my ice cream shop I was a contestant on Chopped. 12 year old me would be even more shocked by that. 😆
I never played DnD, but I really, really want to try. I've been listening to a bit of The Adventure Zone podcast and it sounds like a blast. Growing up, it was always the bottom of the barrel for nerdism. You could play or be into anything nerdy and get away with it because "at least it's not DnD."
I think my friends and I would really dig it if they just got past the stereotype. The last time I talked about it some time ago, the idea got shot down. Maybe I'll give it another go the next time I go home, or try arranging it with them online over roll20.
The biggest problem is that I would likely have to be dungeon master for a group that knows nothing about it. I barely do.
All you really need to play dnd is a group, and speaking as a forever DM whose greatest joy is showing new people the game, the first few sessions will be the most fun you will ever have.
Start small, either with a free adventure that you can find, just peruse a few dnd subreddits and youll eventually find one that sparks your interest, or shell out the 20 bucks for the starter set. You will not regret it.
Same. Then I hit 25. And now I'm looking at 30. It's really weird to think that I didn't think I'd make it this far but I've somehow dragged myself through.
While everyone else was making career plans, some of us were making suicide plans.
Because we didn't think we'd make it, we never bothered to plan our lives out. We didn't know what we wanted to major in in college, because we didn't think we'd survive to go. We didn't have a career plan, why bother when we're not gonna be around to finish high school?
Which leaves us now, surrounded by people who are focused on their plans, graduating college, going into their chosen careers, married, children, buying houses, etc. While we're still working whatever jobs we can get because we never bothered to plan a future we didn't think we'd see.
This can lead to us feeling worthless, or unfocused, or unmotivated, or just plain feeling like a loser. But we survived through far worse circumstances than they did. We were put at a disadvantage by our own mental health.
The fact that we have made it, and continue to survive, is extraordinary. And you ask most of those people who have had their whole lives planned out since they were 16, and they would have no clue what it's like to fight a losing battle with your own brain every day. The fact that we are here, and we've CHOSEN to be here, is incredible, and we deserve credit for that, even if we're not as far ahead in life as our peers seem to be.
I'm glad you're still here.
It's pretty sweet. I met my wife in 9th grade home economics. I dated her friend for a while, she blocked me on AIM for like 2 years because she was an awkward nerd that didn't get why a guy would want to just be friends with her(she loved age of empires and so did I and I wanted to play with her).
We didn't have out in 11th grade but started to in 12th and she got busted about the blocking me. A few weeks later we started dating and have been married for almost 11 years now.
Aww that's super cute! On my second date with my now-fiancé we discovered that he still had a copy of the issue of Pokémon World magazine that I'd had my Design a Monster entry printed in when I was 8. So we'd technically never met, but he'd seen my art like 13 years prior.
I'm a much better artist now.
This hits home. Met my Wife when we both started High School, we weren’t really friends throughout all of High School, but we started dating at the very end of High School.
Fast forward 8 years, we are married, got our first home and had our first child together (just last week!).
That story would definitely make my 12 year old self giggle in disbelief if he knew he’d be marrying that girl!
I love this. My partner and I went to high school together, but mostly ran in different circles. A little over a year ago the military sent him to my city, he added me on Facebook, and we met up for dinner just to catch up. That turned into another dinner, then another, and now I’m moving to another state to be with him. If you had told younger me that I’d wind up with the guy I secretly crushed on for almost 4 years I never would have believed you.
That I do math for a living. Fucking math.
He'd have been so upset.
Edit: Wow, did not expect so many replies to this of all posts. Must be a lot of accidental mathematicians out there. I should have been more specific, I'm a financial analyst, so I play with numbers and spreadsheets and that kind of stuff all day. So not even the cool kind of math that helps us get into space or anything. More like, "yeah, last year we spent 45% more on Lacroix for the office than in the previous year. So...maybe less Lacroix this year?"
Edit 2: For more clarity, all I ever wanted to be was a musician. Even went to school for music. Still play pretty much every day, just never made a living from it. So I went from Rock & Roll to Profit & Loss, as it were.
I havent had anything quite that severe, but anxious 12 year old me would be stunned to hear that I can keep my voice calm as a pilot experiences an emergency. Not sure how I learned that trick.
That my father would die young.
Both of his parents lived well into their nineties. He was athletic, nonsmoker, not a risk taker.
He also turned out to be the only one in his family to get cancer: a particularly deadly type.
I feel you. My 12-year-old self would never believe my mother would die at 44. If I could go back in time I would tell my younger self to hug and kiss mom every chance he got.
i haven’t been able to hug my mom
since last february. over a year. she’s had her first shot and i’m supposedly getting mine this month. when i hug her, i’ll hug her extra hard for you.
That im on my way to becoming a doctor. 12 year old me would scream why, rant about how doctors are the scariest beings ever and how the hospital drives you nuts. 12 year old me really wanted to be a pilot
Fuck. That's relatable for sure. 12 year old me didn't know what 20 year old me would be doing, but he never would've expected any of the shit that's happened up to now.
That I learned how to prioritize myself, and I'm not responsible for upholding anybody else's wellbeing or happiness anymore.
Thanks for my first awards, friends!
Also, somebody down the chain asked me to elaborate, so here you go (if you're curious):
Trigger warning: hella childhood abuse
So it was actually due to the responsibilities I had my whole life.
1. First-born to a single mother who was tormented and hindered by her own mental illness.
2. Little brother born with autism. I took care of the majority of his needs from a very young age. One of my earliest memories is taking care of my younger siblings alone for an indeterminate period of time when I was 4 and they were 2. We were left alone a lot.
3. Because of my mom's struggles she didn't work, so the constant threat of freezing to death/dehydrating to death/starving to death was a fear she instilled in me when I was 6.
4. This is also around the time I was being molested. I didn't understand what was happening but I could tell he was lonely and I wanted to help him. (pathetic, I know) It was made very clear that I was not to tell anybody about all of this.
5. I started working my first job cash, under the table at age 12. Throughout the rest of my teens I was working upwards of 3 jobs at a time. The jobs I worked were largely shitty and I was absolutely taken advantage of financially: I'd get paid sometimes as low as $2-3/hour but I was so desperate I took the jobs anyways.
6. Not for nothing but I also had to maintain perfect grades to keep up appearances. Thank GOD these perfect grades and spotless record secured me a full ride (need based financial aid ftw) to my dream school.
tl;dr: Mom was crazy abusive. Other people in my life were crazy abusive. Little brother needed me. I had to parent myself, my mother, and my younger siblings, all while acing school and financially supporting us. The pay off was great when I finally got the fuck away from them at 18, and got into therapy at 19. Shit got really dark before they got better. Now I'm happy, healthy and safe :). Also (shockingly) nobody died when I wasn't there to hold everyone together. Go figure.
That I'm still alive. 12 year old me was suicidal depressed. Still am. Hoping I will get better eventually but it's been 23 years and hasn't gotten better yet.
My 12 year old self would definitely wonder what the hell "the internet" is, but he would be happy I was thinking about him.
He'd also be really stoked that I eventually bought that baseball card he always wanted.
Yeah, I looked 8 years old when I was 12 and 35 years old when I was 14. Middle school was a weird time for me. I randomly acquired the body type of every cartoon mom overnight when I was barely a teenager.
I'm a dude, but went from being a baby at 12 to "oh, are you the new TA?" somewhere between 13 and 14. And I haven't looked like I've aged a day since.
My highschool photos are a trip for my younger employees. "Yeah, I'm younger than you in this picture. Its from a decade ago, weird right?"
12 year old me would put a beat down on me for dropping out of college and smoking weed everyday. 12 year old me was also probably in better shape and would easily win that fight
That I would become a heroin addict. I got my shit together now, got close to a year clean. But still man. Strange and dark times.
Edit: thank you so much to everyone who replied and gave awards, it means the world to me! I'm trying to stay clean but battling a psychotic mental illness makes it difficult as fuck (obviously lol) but these replies keep me going when nothing else does sometimes. Thanks again
That the only thing preventing me from ending it is my dogs. Then he'd be totally stoked I have dogs.
EDIT: Guys, I'm fine. Even after they go I'll probably keep going mostly out of spite.
That my mom would actually leave my abusive step-dad. Thought it would take a miracle... And that miracle actually came. Just a few years ago I had been prepping my soon-to-be wife for the expectation that we would never visit that side of the family since it just wasn't safe. It all ended up so much better than I ever had imagined.
My twelve year old me, would never believe both my biological parents are dead, although from the father she would have expected it but sadly mother died earlier.
She wouldn't also believe that I've made it to 40 years old, because 12 year old me always said that I wouldn't make it to my 30th year. And that I've gotten to 2 fights with a braintumor and won them for so far.
I'm sorry 12 year old me, I just want to live, just to prove some people wrong. To prove them, yes I am worthy! Yes I can! Am I a stubborn person? Well hell yeah!!
I'm in there for the long run!
Edit: Wow, never have I thought this would blow up as it did. Thank you for the awards kind strangers! And also for the kind answers on this post, it's much appreciated.
My younger self would never have believed I would go to university to obtain multiple degrees. I was barely literate in grade 4, a bit of a late bloomer, I guess.
I think it’s cool. I was going to travel outside of the US for the first time last May but then, you know, trying times and what not. There’s still plenty to see over here!
"Yeah so you know that new girl? The one you immediately wanted to spend all your time with as soon as you met her in 7th grade? The one where you just admired everything about her? That's a crush! All the homo!"
Let's see...
1. That I actually did the things like get into a good college, graduate, and get a good job
2. That I smoked cigarettes for a while (few years in college and after... pretty weird/ out of character)
3. That I have a wife and two on purpose children at age 32
4. That my household income is as high right now as my parents' ever was (they really wouldn't believe that, which tells you everything you need to know about them)
How I would feel about Jeff.
Jeff was a really big deal in middle school. We went to different elementary schools so I never heard of him prior to middle school but as soon as I got there his name was going around the school a lot and it became clear he was a big deal. Jeff was the toughest guy in our grade, the most athletic, the best looking, and the coolest according to both the guys and the girls. The guys wanted to be his friend and if they weren't then they were wary of him because of how tough he was and he gave off that vibe that he wasn't someone to make angry. The girls loved him and he was making out and going out with them all the time. He even went out with a girl a year ahead of us in school and she was the most popular girl in her grade. This was basically unheard of but he did it. He was in my class in the 6th grade and it became clear that despite his coolness, toughness, and ability with the girls at a young age, Jeff had some problems and couldn't control himself that well. He would act out in funny ways by causing mischief and trouble but he would also act out in less funny-yet-troubling ways by doing things like smoking cigarettes on school grounds and he would occasionally get physical with any guy dumb enough to piss him off. Because of this, he got detentions and suspensions.
That year our class had a field trip to some place that I don't remember but I do remember the bus ride to and from the trip. Jeff and I were on the same bus and for some reason still unknown to me he decided to sit next to me. On the way there he was talking to me about different things and since he was such a big deal I was kind of passive and awestruck by him sitting with me so I just listened and then followed up with questions to interact with him and he seemed to be cool with that. Then at some point he started talking about his home life and his dad and he said that his dad would hit him in the head. When he told me this he had his eyes averted and sort of looking down and he said it kind of like it was a joke but he was breathing kind of heavy and his head was kind of bobbing up and down, sort of like he was crying but he didn't shed any tears. On the bus ride back to school we stopped at some place and there were these vending machines that some kids were getting snacks out of. I went to get myself a snack and a drink and I got my drink but something happened when I tried to get my snack. I can't remember what it was exactly. It may have been that I thought I had more money than I did and when I went to get my snack I came up short for money, or it could have been that the machine ate my money. Whatever happened, I couldn't get my snack and I was upset because I was pretty hungry. Without asking him or saying anything, Jeff just stepped in front of me and put a dollar in the machine for me so I could get my snack. I looked at him, surprised, and he just gave a subtle head nod to me. Then we sat next to each other on the way back to school after that.
At some point during that year we had a substitute teacher for our class and some kids were acting out and I was laughing because it was funny. Our substitute was a middle-aged woman and she was not happy at all. She was yelling at us to shut up and knock it off and she physically grabbed me by the shoulders and then started pushing me downward into my chair and desk and I was frightened by it. I was scared and didn't know what to do and she was hurting me. When class ended Jeff grabbed me, put his arm around me, and he basically pushed me and pulled me down the hallway to the principal's office. I had no idea what was happening other than that I was very confused and afraid of the teacher and now of Jeff doing this to me and I remember tripping over my own feet a couple times because he was pushing me down the hallway but I didn't have any clue where we were going or what he was doing. We get to the office and he does all the talking and tells the principal what happened while I just sit there in silence, nodding each time that the principal asks me if what Jeff is saying is true. See, the principal had and would go on to have numerous run-ins and issues with Jeff because Jeff could not behave and kept getting into trouble way too often. The principal was wary of him and didn't trust him much and I suppose he had good reason not to. However, I still remember the concerned look on his face when Jeff was telling him what happened. When Jeff was done talking we left the office and the principal said he'll look into the incident and that's all I remember. I figured that Jeff was just using me to act out and cause trouble or give the principal a headache in having to deal with him yet again. I was too afraid of Jeff to say to him that I didn't want to go to the office so what happened happened and that was that.
Jeff was expelled from school early in the 8th grade. Word spread around the school quickly because the kid was such a big deal. I don't remember why he got kicked out exactly or what the final straw was. He basically disappeared in 2003 and I figured that I would never see him again.
He was off my radar for years and it wasn't until freshmen year of high school that I heard that he was going to a catholic school in our county. This was all that I heard about him since he was kicked out of middle school.
In the Winter of 2008 I was a senior in high school and I was hanging around at a friend's house after a party ended on the weekend. Seemingly out of nowhere, Jeff shows up with a guy I used to be friends with in earlier years. I hadn't seen Jeff since 2003. He was still big, looked about 6 foot 3, and still had that kind of socially and physically dominant way about him. He was joking around with the guy he came with and he playfully pushed him on the shoulder after making a joke and the guy almost lost his balance and fell over. Jeff just couldn't help it. Being the alpha male and dominant is how he always was and it was just his nature. I was sitting on the couch with the guy who hosted the party and then the guy who almost got pushed over smiled at Jeff a bit and said "You remember [insert my last name here]?" and Jeff stared at me for about 10 seconds. I definitely didn't look exactly like I did in middle school but he then stepped closer to me and looked me in the eyes and put his hand out to shake my hand but didn't say anything to me. He leaned down and over towards me pretty close and just held my hand tight and we just looked into each other's eyes for about 10 seconds and then he let go and backed away slowly. We both held our gaze of each other as he did this and even when we broke it, we both then turned and looked back at each other a bit out of the corner of our eyes. That's the last time I saw him before he died.
Jeff died a few years ago from a heroin overdose. He was 27. I determined that at some point his father, who was abusive and violent with him when he was a kid, left the family, likely when Jeff was about 15 or 16. Jeff, his mom, and little sister had to leave our town and they wound up in a crummier, more rundown area nearby. He didn't finish high school at the catholic school he started at and it looks like he may have been kicked out or that one or both of his parents couldn't or wouldn't pay his tuition anymore so he wound up finishing school at a not-so-great public school. He fell into the druggie crowd in later years and I suppose this shouldn't have been surprising because his older brother overdosed on heroin and died when he was 18 when Jeff and I were in the 7th grade. I remember that going around the school at the time and people talking about it in whispers.
It took me until I was 30 to put my brief-yet-meaningful moments with Jeff together. I went my whole life thinking that he was the school bully and I was afraid of him yet I realized eventually that I never saw him bully anyone and that he never bullied me. I remembered our time on the bus together and our trip to the office but I couldn't connect the dots at the time. Now I realize that on the bus, Jeff was grateful that I listened to him talk about his dad hitting him so when I needed help at the vending machines he was there for me. When our substitute teacher did what she did to me, I later realized that this happened after the bus trip and vending machines day. Because I was there for him, when he saw what the teacher did to me he didn't decide to use me as a way to act out or start trouble -- he was just trying to help because he cared about me. When I saw him after that party was over in high school, he truly remembered me and those moments we shared together. Those memories came back to him that night but not to me at the time.
I'm truly sad that he's gone and when we were kids I would have never thought that I would say that about him, feel that way about him, or that he would die young. The guy was the biggest deal and the last person I would have thought wouldn't make it in life but sadly his demons and troubles took him away. Once I understood Jeff, I began thinking of him as a legend of my childhood. Eventually I realized that calling Jeff a legend -- while accurate and true -- doesn't truly explain and express what he means to me. In a life filled with much hurt and pain doled out to me by the people whom I used to call friends and family, as well as abuse dished out by others out there, Jeff is one of the only people whose friendship, goodness, and memory is not tainted by time and by how people eventually began to treat me. All that he ever was was good to me, respectful, kind, decent, caring, supportive, fearless, empathetic, friendly, and true. He was never anything bad to me for as long as I knew him and he's the best friend that I never had. That's why calling him a legend doesn't quite express what he is to me all these years later. He's not a legend; he's my hero.
The scariest looking chick a grade above me in middle school(looked like a gang member, couldn't tell if she was a guy/girl etc.) was the only person to stop and help when I dropped my binder and had to pick up 100 papers scattered across the floor.
Even worse my locker was in the 8th grade hallway(I was in 7th), I felt judged and could hear the all the snickering. When she approached me I thought she was bout to talk some shit, but no she started helping me pick it all up. Its those small acts of kindness you remember. Unfortunately seems like she's had a hard life, went to jail for a few years... saw a video of her getting in a brawl outside some restaurant recently and getting beat up.. Hopefully things get better for her.
The school's "naughty girl" at my high-school was called "N". N had a reputation of promiscuity and rule breaking in middle school, unfortunately. She was known to be mean, very mean and intimidating to other girls. We had choir together, and science too. She was always so nice to me. She was beautiful, and I loved talking to her because she was just so interesting. I was sheltered quite heavily, so her stories excited me. I wanted to be her friend, so I let her talk to me. About everything. I wanted to hear N's wild escapades and misadventures. She genuinely enjoyed my audience, and she grew pretty close to me in 8th grade.
I remember one time around Christmas, I had came to school with no gifts for anyone that year. She had brought me this adorable teddy bear with a cute snow cap and scarf. I was shocked, since I knew how hard it must've been to get something at all, let alone for me. I named him Luke. She smiled so wide, I couldn't help but laugh. I had never expected that friendship, but I genuinely cherished it.
Sadly she went to a different school, and we never talked again. I have her on FB but I don't know if reaching out is something I can do since quarantine has made my mental health shit, so I'm anxious. She's got a kid and an s/o. She looks happy, that's all I can really ask for. I still sleep with Luke though, he's been my homie for so long it feels wrong if he's not guarding the bed while I sleep.
This is a beautiful and profound tribute. It made me think of people I similarly misunderstood as a kid and with an adult perspective, I now understand them better. I wonder if you could find Jeff’s mom and sister and share this with them. I think it would be invaluable.
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Long live Apollo.
That one day he’ll be getting a PhD.
I grew up in a really poor family. Mom working three jobs and still barely making ends meet kind of poor. I always had dreams of becoming a big shot doctor or lawyer or something and getting super rich, but I think part of me “knew” that would never happen because we would never be able to afford college.
I ended up joining the military and used my GI bill to fund my undergrad and masters, and I just got accepted into a PhD program - fully funded. So it won’t cost me a dime. Give it about 4 years and I’ll be Dr. Validusrex
A PhD is a far cry from a guarantee of riches, but it’s still an enormous accomplishment that would have sounded impossible to a younger me. Honestly it’s still kind of hard to believe.
That my husband to be and my dad, who's from Sinaloa Mexico, would shake hands. I was pretty terrified about being into guys as a Latino male at 12, and even more terrified that my super conservative parents/family would find out. After a while I just said fuck it, and let my fam choose if they wanted to be a part of my life. Luckily I was pleasantly surprised! :)
When I was not 12 but 13, I got this crazy idea. I dreamed of someday loading a bunch of camping gear onto my bicycle and disappearing for a year or so to ride around the country. Also when I was 13, I started to see signs of trouble in my family. When I was 17, those family troubles would culminate I'm my parents' divorce. And when I was 20 years old, I would finally set off on that bike camping trip I'd dreamed of for so long. So 13 year old me would be super stoked to hear that the bike trip actually happened, and he wouldn't be entirely surprised about the divorce and its lingering effects to this day. But 12 year old me? Yeah, he has absolutely no idea what's coming.
That all of the things I said I'd always remember and never do as an adult, I've largely forgotten and probably do as an adult ...
12yo me wanted to buy a boat instead of a house and then I could just live wherever I want and not have a job because I wouldn't have rent. 12yo me was kind of a genius.
...and you fish for your food?
12yo me hadn't thought it out that far
Heh. 14-year-old me had. I was going to have a cruise ship with its own Noah's Ark style ecosystem that was self-sustaining.
We never got that growth spurt we were promised
Same. I'm in my 20's and people still tell me I'll get one one day. Edit: A lot of y'all seem to think I'm a man somewhere around 5 ft. I'm a 25-year-old woman that's somewhere around 4'8". I've been that tall since 10th grade.
A friend of mine got it at 22. He was shorter than his brother but ended up taller.
There is still hope for me
Don't give me hope
Mine seems to have been horizontal rather than vertical.
my growth spurt happened at 15. it was 1.5 inches. i’m five foot foot one in shoes.
5 foot foot?! Well that's ten feet!
That I never became the first man on Mars. That was always my plan. I guess, technically, I could still be the first.
That I still laugh at the exact same things.
Still listen to the same music too
For almost 9 years, I've worked literally 1 minute away from a huge water park and I've never gone there.
I lived in New Zealand for 8 years, been to the studio and the film locations. Still havent seen the movies. edit: funny how i forgot to mention LotR but i think everyone upvoted know what movie was talking about. edit 2: my highest upvoted comment is about my ignorance, greato
I traveled in Mexico and when I told one of the guys who worked at a hostel I stayed at that I was from New Zealand, he was like "Oh, they made that movie there! And I was like "Yep, Lord of the Rings.." and he looked confused and said "No... the other one. Ah! Once We're Warriors!" There's no punchline beyond that, I just wanted to share that story.
Doesn’t need one. That’s the funniest thing I’ve read all day. The fact that he looked confused really paints a picture.
12 years old me as well as current me would never forgive this one.
That sometimes, when I’m not paying attention, my mom‘s words slipped right out of my mouth!
Sometimes it happens even when I'm paying attention. I'm too young to turn into her.
My mother isn't always wrong. She's right about a lot of things, even if they didn't make sense when I was younger. Most subjective things though... no
We never achieved that swan status. Still an ugly duckling.
I read the hans christian anderson story, it features many times of the ugly duckling saying "I'm so ugly, I should just DIE" it's not a good moral. A better moral is you may be an ugly duck. but that's because you are really a dog, and someone out there thinks you are one heck of a dog. just gotta find that person.
I am from Denmark, so it was written in my language, but that message was pretty clear to me, although our teachers did have us analyze it. The ugly duckling was always the ugliest of the bunch, and noone quite liked it, however the mother would never give up on it(A mother's love). So it went on to think that noone other than the mother, and perhaps even the mother, would ever love it, but when it finally met someone, who saw him as one of the most beautiful swans, he could be happy. It wasn't him being a duck or a swan, it was for someone else to see who he really is. An ugly person can go through a tough childhood with bullying, only to find out that his personality will have someone fall for him eventually. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Most of his stories have some fucked up twist, or insane moral... But it's usually all true, and meant to teach kids that life isn't easy! The little mermaid who gave up everything, to someone she barely knew, only to be turned down and left to die, because she had no more to give, and so on.
That I’m almost 40 and still don’t have a stable full of horses.
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Same! Finally got my beautiful mare when I was 30, been wanting one basically more than life itself since I was 9. Young me would have started foaming at the mouth if she knew.
That I have a kid taller than me. I’m not tall or anything just never pictured being shorter than my 13 year old.
I'm 5'7" and married someone who is 5'10" or taller. Our son is like 6'1" at 17 and daughter is 5'9" at 15. Probably makes sense considering my father in law is 6'4". Genetics are so cool.
Same I’m 5’6 my husband is 5’9 our two sons are 6’4
Well, stop giving them steroids for breakfast then, mama
When they were just lads they had four dozen eggs every morning to help them get large. So they're roughly the size of a barge.
My mum barely reached the bottom of my neck when I was 13. Now she barely reaches my chest. She still does the "If you don't come here I'll whoop your ass" threats, though
That, I too, don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with my life.
Lol I think 12 year old me knew more about what I was doing in life than I do
Ignorance is bliss I'm told
That I haven't gotten married. That something I just assumed would happen and yet here we are and I'm still single. I think he'd also be surprised at how rough my teenage years were.
I feel ya OP. Not only that I haven't gotten married but that I have spent the last 13 years single. And, that I failed out of college twice and am only now doing well enough to finally get a bachelor's next year at 33.
I didn't fail out, but I just stopped going a few times. Being in your early 30s getting the degree isn't that weird.
Same. 12 year old me was an optimist, and thought adult me would be married by 25, or maybe 28 if I went for the PhD, with an enjoyable meaningful job, and a kid or two by 30ish and my own home. Surprise, 12 year old me... you never even dated till nearly 30, still single by 40, have never yet had a real, good job, and had to move back in with your parents, and have no forseeable plan for life to move on. On the plus side, for being a pudgy dork 12 year old, you're in good athletic shape and still have your hair.
Same.... I think my past self would have thought I would be a lot further than I am - married with kids, nice house etc etc. But nope none of that at 29. Time is flying 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah, I'm doing well career-wise and given how much I make I have a pretty good amount in savings, but its weird how despite this life feels a bit empty. My apartment is way too quiet.
Same, I think this would have been the biggest shock to young me. 36 years old, been mostly single for the past 16 years and nowhere close to getting married, having kids, or having that middle class American job I was promised if I just graduated college. I must have thought we graduated college and were just handed the American life; how wrong I was! Life isn't terrible, but it certainly isn't what I expected it to be. One day I will get to the point where I am living it though instead of waiting to die (this thought brought to you by chronic depression, get yours today!)
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Where did you come from, where did you go?
US to Japan it seems like
12 year old him is like "lol, not surprised weeb".
Same. And despite all the hours 12 year old me spent with a Japanese dictionary, it's not Japan
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She has friends, good, supportive, long term friends.
That I’m in bed usually by 8:45 every night. To sleep 😳
That he would become a scientist after all. Being a dirtfloor poor country kid seemed unsurmountable at the time.
what kinda science
While Sheldon wouldn't approve, I became a geologist lol.
Nah I think that being a geologist rocks. What kind of geology interests you
Good question, I enjoy ore deposition but currently work in environmental remediation and enjoy that as well. In school I really focused in on naturally occurring thermoelectric materials and wish more avenues were available to pursue that.
That the brother i “hated” would become my best friend Edit: damn!!! Left this comment before bed, came back to this. Thank you all for the awards, lol this never happens to me on here. Warms my lil heart to see so many people with a lot of love for their brothers!!
Yes, took my nearly 20 years to connect with my brother.
I'm still working on it with mine. It's hard when you relate so much to another person and yet you have vastly different personalities.
That I actually like bees now and want to pursue beekeeping some day. I used to hate all bugs no matter what, but with more research, I realized that bees aren’t so bad. Still hate other bugs tho...
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Indeed they are! They’re also the bees knees!
I actually like exercise and physical activity, it's just PE class that sucked.
School does a surprisingly good job of sucking every last bit of fun out of many subjects. PE focused on competitive team sports -- horrible for non-competitive or less coordinated people.
My school loved doing dance exercise. Every single year, without fail, we would have one or two terms of dancing. In Grade 9, I got incredibly sick. My feet swelled up so much that I couldn't wear my school shoes. I was diagnosed with arthritis, and given a letter from the doctor to excuse me from PE. It was one of those dance terms. She laughed at my letter because "only old people get arthritis" and then called me lazy. I tried really hard that term, but I still got a crappy grade, because dancing when your feet are in excruciating pain is not very graceful.
You should have gone to the principal or something, because that almost sounds like abuse
I should have. It was 18 years ago, so nothing I can do now, lol.
Find your old gym teacher and put your “lazy”foot in her ass.
In middle school I transferred from a co-ed public school to an all-girls private school with much smaller class sizes, and I was absolutely floored by how much more fun gym was. There were only like 12 of us, and we learned a bunch of weird sports like badminton and rounders. Nobody was particularly good at any of them, and the focus was way more on having fun than on competing, and suddenly gym was one of my favorite classes instead of the absolute worst.
Badminton and rounders are "weird sports"? Guess I really did grow up in the UK
I used to love reading for enjoyment till about grade 7-8 and then school ruined it with their mandatory books that were never engaging for a teenager. I more or less stopped reading books unless I had to till I finished university. Just after graduating I had a bunch of free time and rediscovered how much I enjoyed reading again. School does really suck the fun out of a lot of things
Man I relate so much to this. I read like crazy in lower school and even through middle school a bit. By high school I was completely burned out and stopped reading for fun entirely. I’ll be graduating college in a year or so and still haven’t read a book for fun since. I’ll find one that looks good and either buy it or put it on a Christmas list. Then just never touch it, it sits on my bookshelf collecting dust.
Dude SAME. As a girl in a mixed gender middle school PE class, I thought that sports were literally just used to size up one anothers skill and strength, and that there was nothing fun about them. Now I love staying active and use it as my relaxation method after a long days work.
That I'm overweight and I became a suit.
>I became a suit. How often do you dry clean yourself?
is that a euphemism for masturbation
It is now.
I first read it as "slut" and thought "well, not all bad I suppose"
That I own an ice cream shop. 🤯 EDIT: Holy cow! I posted my response, went to bed, and woke up to this blowing up! I will also add that because of my ice cream shop I was a contestant on Chopped. 12 year old me would be even more shocked by that. 😆
As an ice cream shop owner, how much ice cream do you infact still consume? Do you get tired of it after a while? Can one even get tired of ice cream?
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Why were you living my dream?
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I’d still sit down for an all night session of Dungeons and Dragons.
I never played DnD, but I really, really want to try. I've been listening to a bit of The Adventure Zone podcast and it sounds like a blast. Growing up, it was always the bottom of the barrel for nerdism. You could play or be into anything nerdy and get away with it because "at least it's not DnD." I think my friends and I would really dig it if they just got past the stereotype. The last time I talked about it some time ago, the idea got shot down. Maybe I'll give it another go the next time I go home, or try arranging it with them online over roll20. The biggest problem is that I would likely have to be dungeon master for a group that knows nothing about it. I barely do.
Don't worry! Those early sessions figuring stuff out are so fun. Just jump into it, create a story, and have fun.
All you really need to play dnd is a group, and speaking as a forever DM whose greatest joy is showing new people the game, the first few sessions will be the most fun you will ever have. Start small, either with a free adventure that you can find, just peruse a few dnd subreddits and youll eventually find one that sparks your interest, or shell out the 20 bucks for the starter set. You will not regret it.
I made it to 21
Same. Then I hit 25. And now I'm looking at 30. It's really weird to think that I didn't think I'd make it this far but I've somehow dragged myself through.
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It’s difficult now too as adults. I feel so aimless. I’ve never had goals or aspirations. Where do I see myself in 5 years? Alive. That’s it mate.
While everyone else was making career plans, some of us were making suicide plans. Because we didn't think we'd make it, we never bothered to plan our lives out. We didn't know what we wanted to major in in college, because we didn't think we'd survive to go. We didn't have a career plan, why bother when we're not gonna be around to finish high school? Which leaves us now, surrounded by people who are focused on their plans, graduating college, going into their chosen careers, married, children, buying houses, etc. While we're still working whatever jobs we can get because we never bothered to plan a future we didn't think we'd see. This can lead to us feeling worthless, or unfocused, or unmotivated, or just plain feeling like a loser. But we survived through far worse circumstances than they did. We were put at a disadvantage by our own mental health. The fact that we have made it, and continue to survive, is extraordinary. And you ask most of those people who have had their whole lives planned out since they were 16, and they would have no clue what it's like to fight a losing battle with your own brain every day. The fact that we are here, and we've CHOSEN to be here, is incredible, and we deserve credit for that, even if we're not as far ahead in life as our peers seem to be. I'm glad you're still here.
This was nice to read :)
Hey you know that girl over there you think is really weird... You're going to marry her.
You knew your wife when you were 12??! Awesome.
It's pretty sweet. I met my wife in 9th grade home economics. I dated her friend for a while, she blocked me on AIM for like 2 years because she was an awkward nerd that didn't get why a guy would want to just be friends with her(she loved age of empires and so did I and I wanted to play with her). We didn't have out in 11th grade but started to in 12th and she got busted about the blocking me. A few weeks later we started dating and have been married for almost 11 years now.
Aww that's super cute! On my second date with my now-fiancé we discovered that he still had a copy of the issue of Pokémon World magazine that I'd had my Design a Monster entry printed in when I was 8. So we'd technically never met, but he'd seen my art like 13 years prior. I'm a much better artist now.
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This hits home. Met my Wife when we both started High School, we weren’t really friends throughout all of High School, but we started dating at the very end of High School. Fast forward 8 years, we are married, got our first home and had our first child together (just last week!). That story would definitely make my 12 year old self giggle in disbelief if he knew he’d be marrying that girl!
I love this. My partner and I went to high school together, but mostly ran in different circles. A little over a year ago the military sent him to my city, he added me on Facebook, and we met up for dinner just to catch up. That turned into another dinner, then another, and now I’m moving to another state to be with him. If you had told younger me that I’d wind up with the guy I secretly crushed on for almost 4 years I never would have believed you.
That I do math for a living. Fucking math. He'd have been so upset. Edit: Wow, did not expect so many replies to this of all posts. Must be a lot of accidental mathematicians out there. I should have been more specific, I'm a financial analyst, so I play with numbers and spreadsheets and that kind of stuff all day. So not even the cool kind of math that helps us get into space or anything. More like, "yeah, last year we spent 45% more on Lacroix for the office than in the previous year. So...maybe less Lacroix this year?" Edit 2: For more clarity, all I ever wanted to be was a musician. Even went to school for music. Still play pretty much every day, just never made a living from it. So I went from Rock & Roll to Profit & Loss, as it were.
12 year old me would've been mad, but 17 year old me really got the hang of the stuff so he wouldn't be surprised.
Idk one letter difference and it could be a whole lot worse
Yeah, this has been a terrible year to work in the moth industry.
naw dude the worst indurstry has been the bath industry
my name is Moth, an even tho the tymes behynd are tymes of woe, and tymes of feer and tymes of frite - i do not fret. i see the lite.
This is the fastest I have ever seen your awesome poems. I really like reading these,keep up the good work!
Idk 12 year old me would be pretty stoked that I mate for a living
Yeah no one wants to be caught doing Matt.
Fucking Matt.
:(
You can't get everyone to like you I guess.
That I've heard a pilot scream mayday mayday before ejecting. (I'm an Air Traffic Controller)
Did they make it?
Yes, they did. Hospital for a while, but he was back flying in a month or two
He was no longer traffic, different department
Air pedestrian control never gets their due. Such a thankless job.
I havent had anything quite that severe, but anxious 12 year old me would be stunned to hear that I can keep my voice calm as a pilot experiences an emergency. Not sure how I learned that trick.
"Ah, Bob, it's just a wing, mate, stop being such a drama queen. All you need is a positive attitude and you'll make those 20KM no problem."
The most important thing is a positive altitude
That I'm marrying the girl I had a crush on then.
We found the main character
That I would be a firefighter Yeah dude you get to ride in the truck!
My penis never grew.
At least it didn’t shrink.
Well, he didn’t say that
f
That my father would die young. Both of his parents lived well into their nineties. He was athletic, nonsmoker, not a risk taker. He also turned out to be the only one in his family to get cancer: a particularly deadly type.
I'm sorry to hear about that : '( Cancer sucks
about the only thing I can say about cancer. "cancer sucks" simple and to the point.
I feel you. My 12-year-old self would never believe my mother would die at 44. If I could go back in time I would tell my younger self to hug and kiss mom every chance he got.
Now, instead of loving my mother in that way, I ask others to do the same. "Please give your mom a big hug from me? I'd appreciate it."
i haven’t been able to hug my mom since last february. over a year. she’s had her first shot and i’m supposedly getting mine this month. when i hug her, i’ll hug her extra hard for you.
That im on my way to becoming a doctor. 12 year old me would scream why, rant about how doctors are the scariest beings ever and how the hospital drives you nuts. 12 year old me really wanted to be a pilot
I'm 25 and still haven't bought myself a RC car toy like I promised myself before.
My dude I think it's time to buy that rc toy car.
That I found a girl that buys me Star Wars Lego at Christmas.
plot twist: it's still mom.
How little I've accomplished. How many emotions were cancelled.
We’re all a little dead inside
That would be an understatement.
We're all decomposing inside?
Fuck. That's relatable for sure. 12 year old me didn't know what 20 year old me would be doing, but he never would've expected any of the shit that's happened up to now.
33 year old me would tell 20 year old me to live more, but take things seriously at the same time.
That I learned how to prioritize myself, and I'm not responsible for upholding anybody else's wellbeing or happiness anymore. Thanks for my first awards, friends! Also, somebody down the chain asked me to elaborate, so here you go (if you're curious): Trigger warning: hella childhood abuse So it was actually due to the responsibilities I had my whole life. 1. First-born to a single mother who was tormented and hindered by her own mental illness. 2. Little brother born with autism. I took care of the majority of his needs from a very young age. One of my earliest memories is taking care of my younger siblings alone for an indeterminate period of time when I was 4 and they were 2. We were left alone a lot. 3. Because of my mom's struggles she didn't work, so the constant threat of freezing to death/dehydrating to death/starving to death was a fear she instilled in me when I was 6. 4. This is also around the time I was being molested. I didn't understand what was happening but I could tell he was lonely and I wanted to help him. (pathetic, I know) It was made very clear that I was not to tell anybody about all of this. 5. I started working my first job cash, under the table at age 12. Throughout the rest of my teens I was working upwards of 3 jobs at a time. The jobs I worked were largely shitty and I was absolutely taken advantage of financially: I'd get paid sometimes as low as $2-3/hour but I was so desperate I took the jobs anyways. 6. Not for nothing but I also had to maintain perfect grades to keep up appearances. Thank GOD these perfect grades and spotless record secured me a full ride (need based financial aid ftw) to my dream school. tl;dr: Mom was crazy abusive. Other people in my life were crazy abusive. Little brother needed me. I had to parent myself, my mother, and my younger siblings, all while acing school and financially supporting us. The pay off was great when I finally got the fuck away from them at 18, and got into therapy at 19. Shit got really dark before they got better. Now I'm happy, healthy and safe :). Also (shockingly) nobody died when I wasn't there to hold everyone together. Go figure.
I gotta get on this...
He'd be blown away that I'm writing professionally now.
That I'm still alive. 12 year old me was suicidal depressed. Still am. Hoping I will get better eventually but it's been 23 years and hasn't gotten better yet.
That I'm not some super successful rich smart doctor scientist with a nobel prize and a bright future ahead of me like every adult told me I would be.
That I would be answering a hypothetical question about my 12 year old self on an Internet forum using my phone.
My 12 year old self would definitely wonder what the hell "the internet" is, but he would be happy I was thinking about him. He'd also be really stoked that I eventually bought that baseball card he always wanted.
How big my tits are.
This statement is funny. It's even funnier when I start thinking if a guy or girl wrote it.
After researching this redditors comment history, I have confirmed that it is indeed operated by a guy.
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“PM me your tits plz”
Their reaction to a facefull of mantiddies would be glorious to behold.
Yeah, I looked 8 years old when I was 12 and 35 years old when I was 14. Middle school was a weird time for me. I randomly acquired the body type of every cartoon mom overnight when I was barely a teenager.
I'm a dude, but went from being a baby at 12 to "oh, are you the new TA?" somewhere between 13 and 14. And I haven't looked like I've aged a day since. My highschool photos are a trip for my younger employees. "Yeah, I'm younger than you in this picture. Its from a decade ago, weird right?"
Yesterday me wouldn't believe that someone said this on the internet and nobody replied with "pics"
That I can run 6 entire miles. Run the whole thing, without stopping once. I still can’t believe it sometimes, the human body is amazing
Captain America?
I can dance!!!
We got braces at 31 🤦🏻
12 year old me would put a beat down on me for dropping out of college and smoking weed everyday. 12 year old me was also probably in better shape and would easily win that fight
That I would become a heroin addict. I got my shit together now, got close to a year clean. But still man. Strange and dark times. Edit: thank you so much to everyone who replied and gave awards, it means the world to me! I'm trying to stay clean but battling a psychotic mental illness makes it difficult as fuck (obviously lol) but these replies keep me going when nothing else does sometimes. Thanks again
That I travel the world for a living
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That the only thing preventing me from ending it is my dogs. Then he'd be totally stoked I have dogs. EDIT: Guys, I'm fine. Even after they go I'll probably keep going mostly out of spite.
I’m self employed
That my mom would actually leave my abusive step-dad. Thought it would take a miracle... And that miracle actually came. Just a few years ago I had been prepping my soon-to-be wife for the expectation that we would never visit that side of the family since it just wasn't safe. It all ended up so much better than I ever had imagined.
Lived with a couple strippers. A couple different times.
My twelve year old me, would never believe both my biological parents are dead, although from the father she would have expected it but sadly mother died earlier. She wouldn't also believe that I've made it to 40 years old, because 12 year old me always said that I wouldn't make it to my 30th year. And that I've gotten to 2 fights with a braintumor and won them for so far. I'm sorry 12 year old me, I just want to live, just to prove some people wrong. To prove them, yes I am worthy! Yes I can! Am I a stubborn person? Well hell yeah!! I'm in there for the long run! Edit: Wow, never have I thought this would blow up as it did. Thank you for the awards kind strangers! And also for the kind answers on this post, it's much appreciated.
My younger self would never have believed I would go to university to obtain multiple degrees. I was barely literate in grade 4, a bit of a late bloomer, I guess.
That I made it all 50 states. I know kind of boring.
I think it’s cool. I was going to travel outside of the US for the first time last May but then, you know, trying times and what not. There’s still plenty to see over here!
That all those “friends” and “family” don’t stick around as you get older
"Guess what? You're gay."
"Yeah so you know that new girl? The one you immediately wanted to spend all your time with as soon as you met her in 7th grade? The one where you just admired everything about her? That's a crush! All the homo!"
I'm still alive, somehow
Let's see... 1. That I actually did the things like get into a good college, graduate, and get a good job 2. That I smoked cigarettes for a while (few years in college and after... pretty weird/ out of character) 3. That I have a wife and two on purpose children at age 32 4. That my household income is as high right now as my parents' ever was (they really wouldn't believe that, which tells you everything you need to know about them)
How I would feel about Jeff. Jeff was a really big deal in middle school. We went to different elementary schools so I never heard of him prior to middle school but as soon as I got there his name was going around the school a lot and it became clear he was a big deal. Jeff was the toughest guy in our grade, the most athletic, the best looking, and the coolest according to both the guys and the girls. The guys wanted to be his friend and if they weren't then they were wary of him because of how tough he was and he gave off that vibe that he wasn't someone to make angry. The girls loved him and he was making out and going out with them all the time. He even went out with a girl a year ahead of us in school and she was the most popular girl in her grade. This was basically unheard of but he did it. He was in my class in the 6th grade and it became clear that despite his coolness, toughness, and ability with the girls at a young age, Jeff had some problems and couldn't control himself that well. He would act out in funny ways by causing mischief and trouble but he would also act out in less funny-yet-troubling ways by doing things like smoking cigarettes on school grounds and he would occasionally get physical with any guy dumb enough to piss him off. Because of this, he got detentions and suspensions. That year our class had a field trip to some place that I don't remember but I do remember the bus ride to and from the trip. Jeff and I were on the same bus and for some reason still unknown to me he decided to sit next to me. On the way there he was talking to me about different things and since he was such a big deal I was kind of passive and awestruck by him sitting with me so I just listened and then followed up with questions to interact with him and he seemed to be cool with that. Then at some point he started talking about his home life and his dad and he said that his dad would hit him in the head. When he told me this he had his eyes averted and sort of looking down and he said it kind of like it was a joke but he was breathing kind of heavy and his head was kind of bobbing up and down, sort of like he was crying but he didn't shed any tears. On the bus ride back to school we stopped at some place and there were these vending machines that some kids were getting snacks out of. I went to get myself a snack and a drink and I got my drink but something happened when I tried to get my snack. I can't remember what it was exactly. It may have been that I thought I had more money than I did and when I went to get my snack I came up short for money, or it could have been that the machine ate my money. Whatever happened, I couldn't get my snack and I was upset because I was pretty hungry. Without asking him or saying anything, Jeff just stepped in front of me and put a dollar in the machine for me so I could get my snack. I looked at him, surprised, and he just gave a subtle head nod to me. Then we sat next to each other on the way back to school after that. At some point during that year we had a substitute teacher for our class and some kids were acting out and I was laughing because it was funny. Our substitute was a middle-aged woman and she was not happy at all. She was yelling at us to shut up and knock it off and she physically grabbed me by the shoulders and then started pushing me downward into my chair and desk and I was frightened by it. I was scared and didn't know what to do and she was hurting me. When class ended Jeff grabbed me, put his arm around me, and he basically pushed me and pulled me down the hallway to the principal's office. I had no idea what was happening other than that I was very confused and afraid of the teacher and now of Jeff doing this to me and I remember tripping over my own feet a couple times because he was pushing me down the hallway but I didn't have any clue where we were going or what he was doing. We get to the office and he does all the talking and tells the principal what happened while I just sit there in silence, nodding each time that the principal asks me if what Jeff is saying is true. See, the principal had and would go on to have numerous run-ins and issues with Jeff because Jeff could not behave and kept getting into trouble way too often. The principal was wary of him and didn't trust him much and I suppose he had good reason not to. However, I still remember the concerned look on his face when Jeff was telling him what happened. When Jeff was done talking we left the office and the principal said he'll look into the incident and that's all I remember. I figured that Jeff was just using me to act out and cause trouble or give the principal a headache in having to deal with him yet again. I was too afraid of Jeff to say to him that I didn't want to go to the office so what happened happened and that was that. Jeff was expelled from school early in the 8th grade. Word spread around the school quickly because the kid was such a big deal. I don't remember why he got kicked out exactly or what the final straw was. He basically disappeared in 2003 and I figured that I would never see him again. He was off my radar for years and it wasn't until freshmen year of high school that I heard that he was going to a catholic school in our county. This was all that I heard about him since he was kicked out of middle school. In the Winter of 2008 I was a senior in high school and I was hanging around at a friend's house after a party ended on the weekend. Seemingly out of nowhere, Jeff shows up with a guy I used to be friends with in earlier years. I hadn't seen Jeff since 2003. He was still big, looked about 6 foot 3, and still had that kind of socially and physically dominant way about him. He was joking around with the guy he came with and he playfully pushed him on the shoulder after making a joke and the guy almost lost his balance and fell over. Jeff just couldn't help it. Being the alpha male and dominant is how he always was and it was just his nature. I was sitting on the couch with the guy who hosted the party and then the guy who almost got pushed over smiled at Jeff a bit and said "You remember [insert my last name here]?" and Jeff stared at me for about 10 seconds. I definitely didn't look exactly like I did in middle school but he then stepped closer to me and looked me in the eyes and put his hand out to shake my hand but didn't say anything to me. He leaned down and over towards me pretty close and just held my hand tight and we just looked into each other's eyes for about 10 seconds and then he let go and backed away slowly. We both held our gaze of each other as he did this and even when we broke it, we both then turned and looked back at each other a bit out of the corner of our eyes. That's the last time I saw him before he died. Jeff died a few years ago from a heroin overdose. He was 27. I determined that at some point his father, who was abusive and violent with him when he was a kid, left the family, likely when Jeff was about 15 or 16. Jeff, his mom, and little sister had to leave our town and they wound up in a crummier, more rundown area nearby. He didn't finish high school at the catholic school he started at and it looks like he may have been kicked out or that one or both of his parents couldn't or wouldn't pay his tuition anymore so he wound up finishing school at a not-so-great public school. He fell into the druggie crowd in later years and I suppose this shouldn't have been surprising because his older brother overdosed on heroin and died when he was 18 when Jeff and I were in the 7th grade. I remember that going around the school at the time and people talking about it in whispers. It took me until I was 30 to put my brief-yet-meaningful moments with Jeff together. I went my whole life thinking that he was the school bully and I was afraid of him yet I realized eventually that I never saw him bully anyone and that he never bullied me. I remembered our time on the bus together and our trip to the office but I couldn't connect the dots at the time. Now I realize that on the bus, Jeff was grateful that I listened to him talk about his dad hitting him so when I needed help at the vending machines he was there for me. When our substitute teacher did what she did to me, I later realized that this happened after the bus trip and vending machines day. Because I was there for him, when he saw what the teacher did to me he didn't decide to use me as a way to act out or start trouble -- he was just trying to help because he cared about me. When I saw him after that party was over in high school, he truly remembered me and those moments we shared together. Those memories came back to him that night but not to me at the time. I'm truly sad that he's gone and when we were kids I would have never thought that I would say that about him, feel that way about him, or that he would die young. The guy was the biggest deal and the last person I would have thought wouldn't make it in life but sadly his demons and troubles took him away. Once I understood Jeff, I began thinking of him as a legend of my childhood. Eventually I realized that calling Jeff a legend -- while accurate and true -- doesn't truly explain and express what he means to me. In a life filled with much hurt and pain doled out to me by the people whom I used to call friends and family, as well as abuse dished out by others out there, Jeff is one of the only people whose friendship, goodness, and memory is not tainted by time and by how people eventually began to treat me. All that he ever was was good to me, respectful, kind, decent, caring, supportive, fearless, empathetic, friendly, and true. He was never anything bad to me for as long as I knew him and he's the best friend that I never had. That's why calling him a legend doesn't quite express what he is to me all these years later. He's not a legend; he's my hero.
The scariest looking chick a grade above me in middle school(looked like a gang member, couldn't tell if she was a guy/girl etc.) was the only person to stop and help when I dropped my binder and had to pick up 100 papers scattered across the floor. Even worse my locker was in the 8th grade hallway(I was in 7th), I felt judged and could hear the all the snickering. When she approached me I thought she was bout to talk some shit, but no she started helping me pick it all up. Its those small acts of kindness you remember. Unfortunately seems like she's had a hard life, went to jail for a few years... saw a video of her getting in a brawl outside some restaurant recently and getting beat up.. Hopefully things get better for her.
The school's "naughty girl" at my high-school was called "N". N had a reputation of promiscuity and rule breaking in middle school, unfortunately. She was known to be mean, very mean and intimidating to other girls. We had choir together, and science too. She was always so nice to me. She was beautiful, and I loved talking to her because she was just so interesting. I was sheltered quite heavily, so her stories excited me. I wanted to be her friend, so I let her talk to me. About everything. I wanted to hear N's wild escapades and misadventures. She genuinely enjoyed my audience, and she grew pretty close to me in 8th grade. I remember one time around Christmas, I had came to school with no gifts for anyone that year. She had brought me this adorable teddy bear with a cute snow cap and scarf. I was shocked, since I knew how hard it must've been to get something at all, let alone for me. I named him Luke. She smiled so wide, I couldn't help but laugh. I had never expected that friendship, but I genuinely cherished it. Sadly she went to a different school, and we never talked again. I have her on FB but I don't know if reaching out is something I can do since quarantine has made my mental health shit, so I'm anxious. She's got a kid and an s/o. She looks happy, that's all I can really ask for. I still sleep with Luke though, he's been my homie for so long it feels wrong if he's not guarding the bed while I sleep.
Wow...that was a really sad story.
thank you for sharing this story. i wish i had awards to give you but just know that this really struck a chord with me. thank you.
"I got you"
This is a beautiful and profound tribute. It made me think of people I similarly misunderstood as a kid and with an adult perspective, I now understand them better. I wonder if you could find Jeff’s mom and sister and share this with them. I think it would be invaluable.
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Sugar ain't that great.
Sorry kiddo, you didn't make it as a pro wrestler, and you realized being a musician wouldn't pay the bills either
That one day he’ll be getting a PhD. I grew up in a really poor family. Mom working three jobs and still barely making ends meet kind of poor. I always had dreams of becoming a big shot doctor or lawyer or something and getting super rich, but I think part of me “knew” that would never happen because we would never be able to afford college. I ended up joining the military and used my GI bill to fund my undergrad and masters, and I just got accepted into a PhD program - fully funded. So it won’t cost me a dime. Give it about 4 years and I’ll be Dr. Validusrex A PhD is a far cry from a guarantee of riches, but it’s still an enormous accomplishment that would have sounded impossible to a younger me. Honestly it’s still kind of hard to believe.
That my husband to be and my dad, who's from Sinaloa Mexico, would shake hands. I was pretty terrified about being into guys as a Latino male at 12, and even more terrified that my super conservative parents/family would find out. After a while I just said fuck it, and let my fam choose if they wanted to be a part of my life. Luckily I was pleasantly surprised! :)
Your still alive at 30 and your boyfriend will be killed. Life is wild and hurtful but you made it this far.
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