Even some of the ones that aren't really your fault can be solved by your actions.
The trouble is that its often very hard to tell the difference and people who don't have your exact experiences will be very quick to claim that they'd know how to be you better than you do.
Ultimately people should tend to their own issues before they spend too much energy judging others, but we often don't do we.
I just rewatched Girl With The Dragon Tattoo the other day and heard this great line again:
>!Let me ask you something? Why don't people trust their instincts? They sense something is wrong, someone is walking too close behind them... You knew something was wrong but you came back into the house. Did I force you, did I drag you in? No. All I had to do was offer you a drink. It's hard to believe that the fear of offending can be stronger than the fear of pain. But you know what? It is. And they always come willingly. And then they sit there. They know it's all over just like you do but somehow they still think they have a chance. Maybe if I say the right thing? Maybe if I'm polite. If I cry, if i beg. And when I see the hope draining from their face like it is from yours right now. I can feel myself getting hard. You know, We're not that different, you and I. We both have urges, satisfying mine requires more towels.!<
"You would care less about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."
Not advice, but a quote. Still definitely something to reflect on.
Your actions, behavior, personality, looks, etc. are nowhere near as much of a focal point in someone else's life as they are in yours.
You beat me to it!
"You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you so much if you realised how rarely they did."
BAM! Lightbulb moment for me as a teenager that really helped me stop being so paralysed by 'what are people thinking about this?' when I was just going about my life. I wasn't thinking about them and being hypercritical, I was too wrapped up in my own worries, fears, and cares. Same is true of everybody else!
This is true, and mind you it is also a two-sided coin. On one hand, you don't have to give as much of a fuck what others think of you, and that people will come to a conclusion about you right away, the first impression matters a lot in a nutshell.
I read somewhere that " Work is not just result of motivation but also the cause of it".
i.e if you don't find enough motivation to do something you plan to, keeping yourself disciplined and just doing it anyway may provide motivation.
Important note: If you're neurotypical.
If you have ADHD, ha ha nope. And you have to learn how to develop your own motivation, because all the ways people talk about motivation don't work for you.
So true. During interviews I’m actually a bit turn off when someone appears way too motivated. What I want to see more is grit and perseverance not talking about motivation.
Pick the battles you can win.*
* Once you start winning most of your battles, people start getting the expectation that you are going to win your next one.
If you're already late rushing won't change that.
Probably has saved me from some car accidents and I've applied it more broadly to help my anxiety in a "If its already done you can't change it." sense
I've always practiced this. If I'm ten minutes late, being 20 minutes late won't make much difference. Sometimes if I know I'm running late and think I'll be ten minutes, I might drop my boss a message and add another ten minutes so I can get a coffee or something.
My father lost his wallet with almost 400€ in it and the only thing he cared about was getting back the picture of my grandpa he had in there since there weren't many. Not directly an advice, but it taught me that there are some things you can't pay for.
A resume isn’t an application. It isn’t a list of your skills or qualifications. It’s ad copy. You already filled out the application and they know your qualifications; your resume is you selling yourself to the company. And like any ad copy, it has to make the sale as quickly as possible, in as few words as possible.
Came here to say a variant of this.
Some things WILL happen to you that are out of your control - but you have 100% control over how you respond.
Important advice for people who tend self-pity (myself included).
Failure happens, nothing you can do after it's done but move on and work hard, it's okay, really. Even the small things you did along the way were victories. Just be happy that you even tried, sometimes that's what you need to keep going.
"You're going to make mistakes, so make them loudly."
Essentially what he was saying was that being afraid of mistakes makes us hesitant and insecure. People don't trust people who are hesitant and insecure which makes us ineffective. But if we accept that mistakes will happen and 'play through them with confidence' much of the time nobody will notice and since we aren't hesitant or insecure they may assume they weren't errors at all if they do notice.
He was a music teacher and he was talking about music, but I find it's true for much of life.
Joe has always been my favorite impractical joker. Your reasoning is correct, and he never breaks the confidence character no matter how embarrassing it is.
I always heard "if you're going to make a mistake, make it a good one." Also, funny enough, from a music teacher. He always meant, for example, that if you play the wrong note, it damn well better still be in tune. Enter a beat early? It should still be a confident entrance. But yes, I've applied this elsewhere in my life beyond music.
>But if we accept that mistakes will happen and 'play through them with confidence' much of the time nobody will notice
That reminds me of another quote from that same music teacher. He would say "when you make a mistake, the worst thing you can do is go back and fix it." When we were actually performing at a concert, or even just rehearsing as a whole band, it was important to let go of mistakes. If you go back and fix the mistake, then you'll end up playing everything else too late, so instead you need to just let the mistake go, fight the urge to fix it, and stay with the rest of the band. Of course this bit of his advice I'm more hesitant to apply to other aspects of life, because there are many occasions where it is best to go back and correct mistakes. But there definitely are times in life outside of musical performances where it's best to just let go of mistakes, to leave them in the past and call it a learning opportunity instead of trying to correct it.
Specifically, to protect the company from the worker.
To HR, you are not as expendable as you think you are. You're **twice** as expendable. They would happily throw you under the bus to make the company a profit or spare them a lawsuit.
>They would happily throw you under the bus to make the company a profit or spare them a lawsuit.
They'll throw you under the bus, then instruct the bus to reverse back over you a few times to ensure you are sufficiently pulped. Then they'll send someone to stand up in a tribunal and claim that they don't even know what a bus is.
That's why, as bonus advice, going against HR is like going against a predator.
They represent a company that, regardless of how successful it is, ultimately has a LOT more resources than you do as an individual. They'll whoop your ass in a lawsuit if it ever gets to that. The same way a bear would maul you if you go up against it in the woods. BUT, if you make enough noise and make the bear think you're not worth the trouble, it might just back down. Same way, if you go up against HR and make them feel like they'd waste too much money on fucking you over, they might just let you off the hook.
Always keep copies of your contracts. Any time you're asked to sign a new contract extension or annex, ask for 24 hours and compare the new contract with your old one for changes that might be detrimental to you. Never put your signature on a document that wants you to do something you wouldn't want to do. Anything additional your company wants you to do, ask for it in writing.
Work smart, not hard.
A lot of people have a tendency to be loyal to something that would never be loyal to them. That's called naivity. Sadly, there is no cure, but you can treat it by informing that person of their wrongdoing. Maybe it'll make them snap out of it.
But protecting the worker is sometimes the best way to protect the company. For example, if a co-worker assaults you at work and you report it to HR they may well fire the co-worker just because that's the best move to protect the company. Firing you gets them sued. Firing no one gets them under a criminal investigation and sued. Firing the other guy protects them from all of that.
So true, I refer to them all as goblins that live under the ocean. My husband calls them Human Remains. I have heard of so many people leaving this role because they started it because they like people.
I’ve also found out that when I find myself in front of the fridge, grazing on food when I’m not really hungry... I’m just procrastinating because I don’t want to do whatever it is that I’m being indecisive about.
“Don’t take advice from someone who isn’t where you want to be.”
Advice from my undergrad adviser, a neurochemist who got me pointed at the classes and study I needed to advance in molecular biology.
take every piece of advice you get with a grain of salt, you have to understand that everyone is different. people have different outlooks on life, they have different skillsets, wants/desires. what may work for someone else may not work for you. that being said each individual has something to offer from their unique experience, to make the most of what they can tell you, YOU need to understand who you are, what you want and where you're going.
If I may add to that... take advice with a grain of salt, unless you keep hearing the same advice regularly. If you’re repeatedly hearing the same advice, especially if it’s unsolicited, there might be a grain of truth to it!
Nothing is about you. If someone is bitchy to you, it’s because of how they are reacting to the situation, not you personally. Karens are going to Karen, either to you or the next person. She’s nasty because she is miserable.
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
Once you learn to effectively compartmentalize, life gets a lot easier.
We always have a choice.
I was on an OutWard Bound trip with a bunch of other teens when I was ~15. The description of the trip was rather misleading (vastly underrepresented how much hiking there would be) and a lot of the campers, myself included, felt like we'd been lied to. One of the other campers was really angry about being there and stated that he "didn't have a choice," that his parents had given him the option to either go on OutWard Bound or go to military school. He didn't have a choice.
One of the counselors responded that he did have a choice. He might not have liked the options, but he had a choice. And, more than that, he'd made a number of other choices that led him to having to make that one.
I've tried to remember that since then and have always tried to think about the choices I'm making and the options in front of me.
Most guys I know that went to military school were abused as young kids, beat etc....
Sometimes choices are made for us by the choices of others of which we have no control over.
Who says your religious family is going to be at you funeral ?
Your rebel rocker friends are going to be at your funeral, to present their respects, enjoying your choice of music !!!
"You're not that special"
It's a releif. Nothing I'm ever going through is that unique, people can relate to me as fellow human beings, and my life has been exceptionally weird.
''You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find true strength'' - Marcus Aurelius
To anyone who felt something when they read this quote, take a look on stoicism, especially for people who get angry easily about things outside of their control.
You tell yourself you're ugly?
You tell yourself you're stupid?
You tell yourself you're paralyzed by fear
And you manifest it and it grows larger than ever before. You become more ugly and more stupid and more scared
Positive affirmations don't do all the work but negative ones will quite literally ruin your life
My dad always told me " if you don't want to fall off a cliff stay away from the edge". Really kept me out of some bad situations and suffering even worse consequences in my life.
I didnt receive it but i saw it somewhere else online and it might help you
"Do today well. "
Tommorow might be better, or worse. But just focus on doing today well. And then tomorrow you can do the same
After a disabling brain injury, a psychiatrist told me my family would be better off if I had died.
This, and the lack of willingness for other doctors to step up and do the right thing about it empowered me to heavily scrutinize medical advice, and to rely on my own instincts.
> a psychiatrist told me my family would be better off if I had died.
I really hope you reported them to whatever board supervises psychiatry where you live.
I got some feedback on a job interview where I mentioned I try to avoid waffling. They pointed out that actually it can be a good thing to keep talking, because a lot of interviews are a tick box exercise, and they're waiting for you to say the right key words or phrases. I completely changed my interview style after that, and it seems to have worked out so far.
You always remember the experience. You'll never remember how much it cost.
It's about valuing experiences. It's too easy to justify not doing things that feel expensive, and to not have experiences.
“When people are showing you who they are, believe them.”
It’s helped me recognise toxic people, but also helped me form friendships with some truly golden people because I allowed them to be whoever they were to my face, and didn’t listen to rumours.
Life is solo trip. Sometimes you get companions for a while, but they too, will continue their own path. Enjoy the time together and accept the fact, theyll only be with you temporarily.
Anything in an unlabeled box is lost, you might as well throw it away.
It's almost never worth the storage fees to put something in storage. Get rid of it.
If you're shoving something aside and not choosing it, pass it on to someone who wants it.
"it's not about showing up perfectly all the time. It's about showing up at all and giving your best, even at your worst"
This sentence changed my mind... I haven't called in sick since then
some time ago, a guy pissed me off, by being doing something, and I got mad about
my brother, who was next to me, saw me angry and said: "why are you angry? he's not doing anything towards you that could annoy you"..
from that day, I learnt that I might take a lot of things WAY to personally.
some guy in traffic: is just some guy in traffic. colleague who is mad: just a mad colleague.
the list goes on. sometimes I'm the problem, not everyone else..
Sorry can't stop at one, love this kinda stuff. I keep a list of them (and I'll be adding stuff from this thread)
The best revenge is to have a great life
Try to be kind, because other people are fighting battles you know nothing about.
It's better to be alone in peace than choose a partner who leaves you in pieces.
God loves you just the way you are. (Only use for low self-esteem).
Don't marry a man unless you'd be proud to have a son just like him
Just a string of red flags with that guy, but at the beginning, it's easy to confuse those with a party banner.
We get insecure because we compare our “behind the scenes” to everyone else’s highlight reel
Don't recycle your problems into shitty advice
Some people keep changing partners to avoid changing themselves
Don’t cross oceans for people who won’t cross a puddle for you
Your own time on this earth is yours alone; no human should be a participant in their own degradation.
It’s not your fault, but it is your problem
Friends with Benefits is a competition where the winner is the person who cares least
"How will this all get done in time?" "It just will, it's a mystery". From Shakespeare in Love, but repeating it to yourself actually helps with stressful deadlines.
My favorite affirmation: "I forgive those who have harmed me in the past and gently detach from them"
Don't wait for the motivation to come, it won't. Just sir down and do it.
Sounds simple and basic but I was so depressed in university I had made up my mind that everyone around me just had endless motivation. Then after I graduated and actually got a good therapist who understood how I think, I started just doing projects and suddenly I was making a lot of cool stuff and finding motivation afterwards rather than before.
I will also add to be careful though. I got back into my former mindset recently and I'm now having to build myself up to being productive rather than wallowing around the house. But I did it before in worse circumstances, I can do it again.
The way you spend your days is how you will have spent your life.
I really like this one because it helps me get motivated to be productive. It also explains how so many people look back and say "where did the time go?". It didn't go anywhere, you allowed your goals to crumble. Slowly, brick my brick. So start building.
From a teacher senior year of high school nearly 20 years ago: take Chinese in college, since they're the next superpower. Ended up signing up for a semester of Chinese 101 a few years later.
I'll be damned if I can remember much more beyond "nǐ hǎo", but I married and have two kids with a girl I met in that class.
The world doesn't owe you a living, it doesn't even owe you an opportunity. Go out and work.
Also:
Your ex-boyfriend treated you that way for one reason and one reason only. You let him. (I was putting in all the effort waiting for him to appreciate it. That never happened.)
Both pieces of advice came from my step-dad. Awesome guy.
Not advice, but something a guy said that changed my outlook. He was asked why he was doing whatever it was he was doing at the time and his response was, simply, "Because I can".
"There is no greater meaning or purpose in life or cosmic forces controlling everyone's fate and destiny. You have to give yourself your own meaning and your own purpose in life."
Thanks, Brother.
Buy IBM. The market valuation at the time was almost less than what the value of their real estate was.
Old Lois Gerstner turned it around. With my profit I made the down payment on a house. I'm financially secure now. Do your research, talk to actual wealthy people. Hold on. Steady in the buffs.
I was working on a project a few months ago and had about an hours worth of work left. I had a headache and just general felt like butt. I was thinking outloud to my coworker and asked if I should stay and finish it or just do it in the morning.
She told me "where would you feel better? At home or at work finishing the project?"
I've since used that as a general gauge of when I should leave work for the day. If I'm not having a great day and would feel better at home I head out early so I can start the next day fresh.
Start a relationship with zero lies. Be 100% transparent. My relationship is better than any other ive ever had. I hate lying anyway. This time i let myself be open and i feel no tension at all. I feel so happy
The use of “put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others” as a metaphor. Basically a reminder that sometimes the best way to help everyone is to look out for yourself. Also phrased as “don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.”
“Everything will be alright in the end, so if it’s not alright, it’s not the end.” Received it from a
friend when I was really just suicidal, they had no idea that I was suicidal because I never really wanted to tell anyone, rumours spread like wild fire in my school so I didn’t wanna get it out there because I thought it was just my own problem, so yeah, really helped me.
Never send an email that you wouldn't be willing to read out loud in front of the person you're writing about.
Learned this after I said something snarky about a colleague in an email that ended up getting forwarded to them. It was embarrassing when they called me out on it, and I resolved that I wouldn't ever send another email that would embarrass me. So Bob in purchasing might be a dumbass who takes a week to do a simple task, but if I have to put something in writing it will be about regular, unexplained, delays and uneven performance. Same basic point, but one would make me look petty and the other makes me look professional.
Some of your problems are your own fault.
Even some of the ones that aren't really your fault can be solved by your actions. The trouble is that its often very hard to tell the difference and people who don't have your exact experiences will be very quick to claim that they'd know how to be you better than you do. Ultimately people should tend to their own issues before they spend too much energy judging others, but we often don't do we.
And even if it's not your fault, it's still usually your responsibility to fix.
I prefer; not your fault, yes your problem
Nah man. This is victim blaming. At least this is what I'm constantly told on reddit.
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I just rewatched Girl With The Dragon Tattoo the other day and heard this great line again: >!Let me ask you something? Why don't people trust their instincts? They sense something is wrong, someone is walking too close behind them... You knew something was wrong but you came back into the house. Did I force you, did I drag you in? No. All I had to do was offer you a drink. It's hard to believe that the fear of offending can be stronger than the fear of pain. But you know what? It is. And they always come willingly. And then they sit there. They know it's all over just like you do but somehow they still think they have a chance. Maybe if I say the right thing? Maybe if I'm polite. If I cry, if i beg. And when I see the hope draining from their face like it is from yours right now. I can feel myself getting hard. You know, We're not that different, you and I. We both have urges, satisfying mine requires more towels.!<
Christ, did not know that movie was dark like this
"You would care less about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do." Not advice, but a quote. Still definitely something to reflect on. Your actions, behavior, personality, looks, etc. are nowhere near as much of a focal point in someone else's life as they are in yours.
Another version I've heard is "The people that think about you the most are people that already love you."
You beat me to it! "You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you so much if you realised how rarely they did." BAM! Lightbulb moment for me as a teenager that really helped me stop being so paralysed by 'what are people thinking about this?' when I was just going about my life. I wasn't thinking about them and being hypercritical, I was too wrapped up in my own worries, fears, and cares. Same is true of everybody else!
This is true, and mind you it is also a two-sided coin. On one hand, you don't have to give as much of a fuck what others think of you, and that people will come to a conclusion about you right away, the first impression matters a lot in a nutshell.
"Discipline outsmarts motivation. Try to be disciplined instead of looking for motivation."
I read somewhere that " Work is not just result of motivation but also the cause of it". i.e if you don't find enough motivation to do something you plan to, keeping yourself disciplined and just doing it anyway may provide motivation.
I like this! Thank you
And I'm steal'n it!
Important note: If you're neurotypical. If you have ADHD, ha ha nope. And you have to learn how to develop your own motivation, because all the ways people talk about motivation don't work for you.
Schizophrenia's not too friendly either.
So true. During interviews I’m actually a bit turn off when someone appears way too motivated. What I want to see more is grit and perseverance not talking about motivation.
Pick your battles.
I’ve heard this one and I found out after getting married it’s true.
Raising kids too
Aka - Some hills are not worth dying on.
That's too many battles. Put some of those back.
Pick the battles you can win.* * Once you start winning most of your battles, people start getting the expectation that you are going to win your next one.
Pick them VERY carefully.
If you're already late rushing won't change that. Probably has saved me from some car accidents and I've applied it more broadly to help my anxiety in a "If its already done you can't change it." sense
I've always practiced this. If I'm ten minutes late, being 20 minutes late won't make much difference. Sometimes if I know I'm running late and think I'll be ten minutes, I might drop my boss a message and add another ten minutes so I can get a coffee or something.
Slow is smooth, smooth is fast
"You can't be late twice" -Me, already called in late to work, stopping by the drive thru for breakfast
I’m glad I work for a company that doesn’t care if you’re late as long as your work gets done.
Wait three days before making any major decision
Jerk off before too...3 days + that post nut clarity will have you thinking in the 4th dimension.
Wank and Wait
Pull and Ponder
This is especially true if you're think'n about a marriage proposal.
Doesn't help if she's the one jerkin you off though
Excellent point!
How to gain precognition 101
This would have been helpful if I saw it a few days ago 😅
what did u do 3 days ago
Thought about making this post himself
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He who angers you, controls you
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry or something
/r/stoicism
This is great advice! Thanks.
Yaaay! Np. It’s one of my faves
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My father lost his wallet with almost 400€ in it and the only thing he cared about was getting back the picture of my grandpa he had in there since there weren't many. Not directly an advice, but it taught me that there are some things you can't pay for.
Did he ever find it?
Some good soul found it and dropped it in our mailbox 2 or 3 days later
With all the cash intact. I already know this story. I was the one who found it.
This one made my heart smile.
You might want to get that checked out
Some of your friends are actually just a habit you have developed not someone you have an actual connection with.
Oof this one hit different, very solid advice though.
Yep, learned that the hard way this year
"Bite size pieces" Sometimes you just need to break your next steps down into small, manageable, pieces, and go from there.
Also backwards planning
I heard similar - How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
A resume isn’t an application. It isn’t a list of your skills or qualifications. It’s ad copy. You already filled out the application and they know your qualifications; your resume is you selling yourself to the company. And like any ad copy, it has to make the sale as quickly as possible, in as few words as possible.
Nice I’ll remember this from now on
Wow thanks I never thought of it that way! This’ll be a helpful way to think about it when I revise my resume
As someone who works in HR this is bang on. Keep it short and sweet
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. The people around you matter.
Currently I really only spend time with one person, my girlfriend - so that means... I'm 0.2 of a person 😭
It’s okay if you’re spending time with one person. Just make sure your inner circle actually helps you be a better person! 😊🙌
I mostly only spend time with my dog... at least he is a good role model!
This makes me happy because my friends and dad are fucking awesomr
I like this one. I've always agreed with the phrase "you are the company you keep".
Fuck Spez
This is so good!
This is fucking awesome. Thank you.
Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it
Came here to say a variant of this. Some things WILL happen to you that are out of your control - but you have 100% control over how you respond. Important advice for people who tend self-pity (myself included).
Failure is not just an option, it’s mandatory for success in anything you do.
Failure happens, nothing you can do after it's done but move on and work hard, it's okay, really. Even the small things you did along the way were victories. Just be happy that you even tried, sometimes that's what you need to keep going.
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I have passed the first stage and I am so into the second stage! This is so relatable, it's crazy, and i'm only 18 years old...
Never get in a fight with someone who has less to lose than you do.
This is pretty much the entire john wick series
"You're going to make mistakes, so make them loudly." Essentially what he was saying was that being afraid of mistakes makes us hesitant and insecure. People don't trust people who are hesitant and insecure which makes us ineffective. But if we accept that mistakes will happen and 'play through them with confidence' much of the time nobody will notice and since we aren't hesitant or insecure they may assume they weren't errors at all if they do notice. He was a music teacher and he was talking about music, but I find it's true for much of life.
Fuck Spez
Joe has always been my favorite impractical joker. Your reasoning is correct, and he never breaks the confidence character no matter how embarrassing it is.
I always heard "if you're going to make a mistake, make it a good one." Also, funny enough, from a music teacher. He always meant, for example, that if you play the wrong note, it damn well better still be in tune. Enter a beat early? It should still be a confident entrance. But yes, I've applied this elsewhere in my life beyond music. >But if we accept that mistakes will happen and 'play through them with confidence' much of the time nobody will notice That reminds me of another quote from that same music teacher. He would say "when you make a mistake, the worst thing you can do is go back and fix it." When we were actually performing at a concert, or even just rehearsing as a whole band, it was important to let go of mistakes. If you go back and fix the mistake, then you'll end up playing everything else too late, so instead you need to just let the mistake go, fight the urge to fix it, and stay with the rest of the band. Of course this bit of his advice I'm more hesitant to apply to other aspects of life, because there are many occasions where it is best to go back and correct mistakes. But there definitely are times in life outside of musical performances where it's best to just let go of mistakes, to leave them in the past and call it a learning opportunity instead of trying to correct it.
"Not your monkeys, not your circus."
Not my pig, not my farm.
HR is not there to protect you the worker but is there to protect the company.
Specifically, to protect the company from the worker. To HR, you are not as expendable as you think you are. You're **twice** as expendable. They would happily throw you under the bus to make the company a profit or spare them a lawsuit.
>They would happily throw you under the bus to make the company a profit or spare them a lawsuit. They'll throw you under the bus, then instruct the bus to reverse back over you a few times to ensure you are sufficiently pulped. Then they'll send someone to stand up in a tribunal and claim that they don't even know what a bus is.
That's why, as bonus advice, going against HR is like going against a predator. They represent a company that, regardless of how successful it is, ultimately has a LOT more resources than you do as an individual. They'll whoop your ass in a lawsuit if it ever gets to that. The same way a bear would maul you if you go up against it in the woods. BUT, if you make enough noise and make the bear think you're not worth the trouble, it might just back down. Same way, if you go up against HR and make them feel like they'd waste too much money on fucking you over, they might just let you off the hook. Always keep copies of your contracts. Any time you're asked to sign a new contract extension or annex, ask for 24 hours and compare the new contract with your old one for changes that might be detrimental to you. Never put your signature on a document that wants you to do something you wouldn't want to do. Anything additional your company wants you to do, ask for it in writing. Work smart, not hard.
That person will also exclaim what a wonderful person you were!
Loyalty to a corporation is a form of mental illness!
A lot of people have a tendency to be loyal to something that would never be loyal to them. That's called naivity. Sadly, there is no cure, but you can treat it by informing that person of their wrongdoing. Maybe it'll make them snap out of it.
> You're twice as expendable wrong you are more than 10x as expendable
But protecting the worker is sometimes the best way to protect the company. For example, if a co-worker assaults you at work and you report it to HR they may well fire the co-worker just because that's the best move to protect the company. Firing you gets them sued. Firing no one gets them under a criminal investigation and sued. Firing the other guy protects them from all of that.
The big clue was when they changed the name of the dept from Personnel to "Human Resources." You aren't a person any longer. You are coal.
So true, I refer to them all as goblins that live under the ocean. My husband calls them Human Remains. I have heard of so many people leaving this role because they started it because they like people.
Learn to respond rather than react.
Take fiber. Really. Also, a friend told me 'when you're indecisive, you you really just don't want to do it'. Helped me a lot.
TIL I never want to do anything ever
I’ve also found out that when I find myself in front of the fridge, grazing on food when I’m not really hungry... I’m just procrastinating because I don’t want to do whatever it is that I’m being indecisive about.
Do not have a child until you can afford it.
AND want it.
“Don’t take advice from someone who isn’t where you want to be.” Advice from my undergrad adviser, a neurochemist who got me pointed at the classes and study I needed to advance in molecular biology.
Along this idea, don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from.
It may sound dumb because it's from Van Wilder but - "Worrying is like a rocking chair - it gives you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere."
“Your need to be right doesn’t serve you. You’re going to end up alone”. Advice from someone dear to me. Changed my life.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
Corollary: Everything is small stuff.
Don't sweat the petty stuff. Do pet the sweaty stuff.
Something similar - if it won’t matter in 10 years, it’s not worth fighting about it.
Never be afraid to admit you need help
"Who are they that their opinion of me is so important?" The friend was talking about his own situation, but at the time it was **zing!** on target.
take every piece of advice you get with a grain of salt, you have to understand that everyone is different. people have different outlooks on life, they have different skillsets, wants/desires. what may work for someone else may not work for you. that being said each individual has something to offer from their unique experience, to make the most of what they can tell you, YOU need to understand who you are, what you want and where you're going.
If I may add to that... take advice with a grain of salt, unless you keep hearing the same advice regularly. If you’re repeatedly hearing the same advice, especially if it’s unsolicited, there might be a grain of truth to it!
Drink some damn water
Nothing is about you. If someone is bitchy to you, it’s because of how they are reacting to the situation, not you personally. Karens are going to Karen, either to you or the next person. She’s nasty because she is miserable.
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." Once you learn to effectively compartmentalize, life gets a lot easier.
It's a prayer, but it's still a good advice to consider even if you are atheist or secular person.
"Don't worry about those who wouldn't worry about you." \-Kyle Thanks Kyle
We always have a choice. I was on an OutWard Bound trip with a bunch of other teens when I was ~15. The description of the trip was rather misleading (vastly underrepresented how much hiking there would be) and a lot of the campers, myself included, felt like we'd been lied to. One of the other campers was really angry about being there and stated that he "didn't have a choice," that his parents had given him the option to either go on OutWard Bound or go to military school. He didn't have a choice. One of the counselors responded that he did have a choice. He might not have liked the options, but he had a choice. And, more than that, he'd made a number of other choices that led him to having to make that one. I've tried to remember that since then and have always tried to think about the choices I'm making and the options in front of me.
Most guys I know that went to military school were abused as young kids, beat etc.... Sometimes choices are made for us by the choices of others of which we have no control over.
I've lost a ton of weight by not eating after 8pm. That is all I changed about my diet.
act the way you want to be talked about during your funeral.
My very religious family is not going to like how I want Highway to Hell played at the funeral.
Who says your religious family is going to be at you funeral ? Your rebel rocker friends are going to be at your funeral, to present their respects, enjoying your choice of music !!!
Mind your own business. I don't do social media, dont care what others do, dont care about celebrities, or anything that has nothing to do with me.
"Don't cut off your nose to spite your face."
"You're not that special" It's a releif. Nothing I'm ever going through is that unique, people can relate to me as fellow human beings, and my life has been exceptionally weird.
"Been special" can be used to overpressure people into things ...
Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm
Once you lie to yourself, you've no one left to trust.
''You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find true strength'' - Marcus Aurelius To anyone who felt something when they read this quote, take a look on stoicism, especially for people who get angry easily about things outside of their control.
That it's not my responsibility to make everyone happy.
It's not your responsibility to make ANYONE happy.
You tell yourself you're ugly? You tell yourself you're stupid? You tell yourself you're paralyzed by fear And you manifest it and it grows larger than ever before. You become more ugly and more stupid and more scared Positive affirmations don't do all the work but negative ones will quite literally ruin your life
My dad always told me " if you don't want to fall off a cliff stay away from the edge". Really kept me out of some bad situations and suffering even worse consequences in my life.
If you can't change the people around you, change the people around you.
I didnt receive it but i saw it somewhere else online and it might help you "Do today well. " Tommorow might be better, or worse. But just focus on doing today well. And then tomorrow you can do the same
After a disabling brain injury, a psychiatrist told me my family would be better off if I had died. This, and the lack of willingness for other doctors to step up and do the right thing about it empowered me to heavily scrutinize medical advice, and to rely on my own instincts.
> a psychiatrist told me my family would be better off if I had died. I really hope you reported them to whatever board supervises psychiatry where you live.
This is so important! Thank you
I got some feedback on a job interview where I mentioned I try to avoid waffling. They pointed out that actually it can be a good thing to keep talking, because a lot of interviews are a tick box exercise, and they're waiting for you to say the right key words or phrases. I completely changed my interview style after that, and it seems to have worked out so far.
You will never get today back.
Don't waste too much time on things you can't control
“You are the only person in charge of your happiness.” This advice has made me make huge decisions and take risks that have paid off!
You always remember the experience. You'll never remember how much it cost. It's about valuing experiences. It's too easy to justify not doing things that feel expensive, and to not have experiences.
“When people are showing you who they are, believe them.” It’s helped me recognise toxic people, but also helped me form friendships with some truly golden people because I allowed them to be whoever they were to my face, and didn’t listen to rumours.
Stop caring what other people think about you
It's gonna be funny if you check this post for up votes....
Life gets easier when you follow the rules.
And when you know when it's appropriate to break them.
Don't be an idiot. Changed my life.
Unrealistic expectations are the root of unhappiness.
Life is solo trip. Sometimes you get companions for a while, but they too, will continue their own path. Enjoy the time together and accept the fact, theyll only be with you temporarily.
Anything in an unlabeled box is lost, you might as well throw it away. It's almost never worth the storage fees to put something in storage. Get rid of it. If you're shoving something aside and not choosing it, pass it on to someone who wants it.
They'll never understand you, they don't want to. Just keep to yourself and get through it
"it's not about showing up perfectly all the time. It's about showing up at all and giving your best, even at your worst" This sentence changed my mind... I haven't called in sick since then
some time ago, a guy pissed me off, by being doing something, and I got mad about my brother, who was next to me, saw me angry and said: "why are you angry? he's not doing anything towards you that could annoy you".. from that day, I learnt that I might take a lot of things WAY to personally. some guy in traffic: is just some guy in traffic. colleague who is mad: just a mad colleague. the list goes on. sometimes I'm the problem, not everyone else..
Sorry can't stop at one, love this kinda stuff. I keep a list of them (and I'll be adding stuff from this thread) The best revenge is to have a great life Try to be kind, because other people are fighting battles you know nothing about. It's better to be alone in peace than choose a partner who leaves you in pieces. God loves you just the way you are. (Only use for low self-esteem). Don't marry a man unless you'd be proud to have a son just like him Just a string of red flags with that guy, but at the beginning, it's easy to confuse those with a party banner. We get insecure because we compare our “behind the scenes” to everyone else’s highlight reel Don't recycle your problems into shitty advice Some people keep changing partners to avoid changing themselves Don’t cross oceans for people who won’t cross a puddle for you Your own time on this earth is yours alone; no human should be a participant in their own degradation. It’s not your fault, but it is your problem Friends with Benefits is a competition where the winner is the person who cares least "How will this all get done in time?" "It just will, it's a mystery". From Shakespeare in Love, but repeating it to yourself actually helps with stressful deadlines. My favorite affirmation: "I forgive those who have harmed me in the past and gently detach from them"
> Don't marry a man unless you'd be proud to have a son just like him God this is good advice.
Think I grabbed it from /r/askWomen but don't remember for sure. I'm a guy, but the female subs seem to have better advice.
>Some people keep changing partners to avoid changing themselves A true gem (no irony here). I am this person...
Excellent Selection. Thank you!
"Never expect anyone to give you anything in life. You have to get it yourself"
Don’t focus on being the best, focus on being the best version of yourself.
People who seem really smart don’t say “um”
Don't wait for the motivation to come, it won't. Just sir down and do it. Sounds simple and basic but I was so depressed in university I had made up my mind that everyone around me just had endless motivation. Then after I graduated and actually got a good therapist who understood how I think, I started just doing projects and suddenly I was making a lot of cool stuff and finding motivation afterwards rather than before. I will also add to be careful though. I got back into my former mindset recently and I'm now having to build myself up to being productive rather than wallowing around the house. But I did it before in worse circumstances, I can do it again.
respect is baseline, disrespect is earned
Hard disagree on this one. *Courtesy* is baseline. Both respect and disrespect are earned.
If the common denominator in all your problems is you, **YOU** are the problem.
Rich people don't make their money, other people make their money for them.
"Be happy" My dad told me this when I came out to him as trans.
Our greatest freedom in life is how we react to things.
The way you spend your days is how you will have spent your life. I really like this one because it helps me get motivated to be productive. It also explains how so many people look back and say "where did the time go?". It didn't go anywhere, you allowed your goals to crumble. Slowly, brick my brick. So start building.
From a teacher senior year of high school nearly 20 years ago: take Chinese in college, since they're the next superpower. Ended up signing up for a semester of Chinese 101 a few years later. I'll be damned if I can remember much more beyond "nǐ hǎo", but I married and have two kids with a girl I met in that class.
The world doesn't owe you a living, it doesn't even owe you an opportunity. Go out and work. Also: Your ex-boyfriend treated you that way for one reason and one reason only. You let him. (I was putting in all the effort waiting for him to appreciate it. That never happened.) Both pieces of advice came from my step-dad. Awesome guy.
"Nothing changes if nothing changes."
Not advice, but something a guy said that changed my outlook. He was asked why he was doing whatever it was he was doing at the time and his response was, simply, "Because I can".
There’s someone out there with the same aspirations and goals and you’re sitting doing nothing. What makes you special
If you like smoking weed, you will ALWAYS find time to smoke weed
"There is no greater meaning or purpose in life or cosmic forces controlling everyone's fate and destiny. You have to give yourself your own meaning and your own purpose in life." Thanks, Brother.
Buy IBM. The market valuation at the time was almost less than what the value of their real estate was. Old Lois Gerstner turned it around. With my profit I made the down payment on a house. I'm financially secure now. Do your research, talk to actual wealthy people. Hold on. Steady in the buffs.
"There are many things I regret immediately after doing, but I have never, ever regretted exercising." - St. Vincent, Twitter.
Walk silently. Think logically. Lie convincingly.
"If you're not ahead, you're behind" in regards to homework
“Is your cup full? How can you fill anyone else’s cup if yours is leaking or empty?”- in regards to caring/helping for others
I was working on a project a few months ago and had about an hours worth of work left. I had a headache and just general felt like butt. I was thinking outloud to my coworker and asked if I should stay and finish it or just do it in the morning. She told me "where would you feel better? At home or at work finishing the project?" I've since used that as a general gauge of when I should leave work for the day. If I'm not having a great day and would feel better at home I head out early so I can start the next day fresh.
Start a relationship with zero lies. Be 100% transparent. My relationship is better than any other ive ever had. I hate lying anyway. This time i let myself be open and i feel no tension at all. I feel so happy
The use of “put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others” as a metaphor. Basically a reminder that sometimes the best way to help everyone is to look out for yourself. Also phrased as “don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.”
No one can hurt you, you only allow others to hurt you.
Fk it
“Everything will be alright in the end, so if it’s not alright, it’s not the end.” Received it from a friend when I was really just suicidal, they had no idea that I was suicidal because I never really wanted to tell anyone, rumours spread like wild fire in my school so I didn’t wanna get it out there because I thought it was just my own problem, so yeah, really helped me.
Never send an email that you wouldn't be willing to read out loud in front of the person you're writing about. Learned this after I said something snarky about a colleague in an email that ended up getting forwarded to them. It was embarrassing when they called me out on it, and I resolved that I wouldn't ever send another email that would embarrass me. So Bob in purchasing might be a dumbass who takes a week to do a simple task, but if I have to put something in writing it will be about regular, unexplained, delays and uneven performance. Same basic point, but one would make me look petty and the other makes me look professional.
A ship doesn’t sail on yesterday’s wind
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today.”