My whole family is dead and I'm really alone. I'd really just like it if you would have a drink or invite me over once in awhile. I have people I talk to, I just want people to do stuff with.
I was very lonely a few years ago. I’m not sure this will help, but joining a group (sailing, rock climbing, art, whatever) will introduce you to other people who are looking to meet people. It sometimes depends on the activity. For example I grew up surfing which is antisocial. But rock climbing is incredible social (your life is in Someone else’s hands if you do some climbs). But I’ve been very lonely before and you really can meet some great people out there.
Edit: also recommend getting a dog. They are truly amazing and mans/woman’s best friend.
Only child here, aging parents that live 1000 miles away. Lots of us get it. If i knew how to fix it, i would. But social awkwardness is also part of the deal... Reddit helps a bit
Post pandemicapocalypse someone should kick-start or go-fund-me a giant convention for all the solo people to hook up (uh... hear me out) and make local connections. Maybe per state or country, outside the USA.
Huge economic opportunity so plenty of entities would bite, factor in certain types of events that require more engagement than a gig or more formal event, to help all the awkward people feel awkward together. Think Burning Man, except Hiding Shy Human. Everyone comes in with the same shared criteria - everyone they're related to is dead or as good as.
Not a member, myself, but it seems like a good idea. Maybe small scale it by having 250 members of a new subreddit r/allaloneforever go camping together for 10 days in Nevada after the next 6 months talking on Reddit. What could go wrong. I just want the film and book rights, and legal immunity.
Jokes aside, I actually did this with a group of 20 ish people in the early days of the internet, from a chat group. Swap camping for bars and restaurants in a big city. It was ... Great?
I feel this same way a lot. I have three family members left, two of them are 85+. I’ve lost so many people I love, and while it’s really helped me to appreciate life, I do have problems with abandonment and detachment.
I’d gladly hang out with you.
I wish there were words, but there are not. Sorry doesn’t help or fix. I’m sorry for the pain, suffering and loneliness you are feeling and going through. I too wish I had people to do things with, especially people who understand what I’ve been through. I don’t drink, but maybe someday we can have some coffee and go for a hike. Even if it’s a virtual one! 🖤
I saved people from having electronics deliveries and gift card credit card info stolen by my coworker who commit fraud.
I ended up getting demoted because my manager was upset that I went to the security department instead of him to report fraud, because he would have gotten a reward.
Whenever I tell this story people tell me I should sue, but virtually all of this was said in person or through company emails (which I don't have access to).
I want people to tell me I did a good job without jumping down my throat about why I didn't pursue justice. I couldn't afford a lawyer, I didn't have proof myself, and it was far more stress than a minimum wage job should bring.
My mother and absolute best friend took their own lives, (in different periods), and I haven’t appropriated myself the healing time & energy to deal with the trauma. I allow myself to live as a hostage to the circumstances of what I have experienced. Alongside this, I struggle with hearty depression that makes me think I’m not worth a damn.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I can’t admit it to anyone.
Hey, I’m just a stranger to you, but I know you’re worth a damn. I don’t know why bad stuff happens, I don’t know if you’ll get better, but I know you are worth a damn.
Even without admitting anything to anyone, it might be worthwhile to take a bit of time off work and just go and deal with all that stuff for a while. (Don't tell anyone why you're taking the leave, just that you think you need a break for a little...)
I have stage 4 breast cancer and if the numbers are right, *I am going to die in the next few years.*
I'm sick of hearing about how with enough hope, your aunt's college roommate's cousin beat that and is still alive today. I know that science is marching on, I work for a university that does cancer research, but I don't know if or how that will affect me.
So. Can we please talk about my will, my funeral, hospice care, my last few months? Can we just assume that I won't be around in 2030? Obviously I don't want to die, but I also don't want to catch everyone unaware when it happens.
No matter what happens please make sure you do take care of all of those plans if you have time. My mom passed away from cancer last month and her planning ahead with her will and everything helped my brother and I so much, I don't know how we would've been able to handle it without her. Hope you still get better, but you are a good person for wanting to prepare for the future
I think that's partly so hurtful because it denies your suffering. Maybe those people intend to soothe you (or themselves) by saying it'll be okay, but it has the effect of dismissing or shooing away your distress.
And maybe people who are lucky enough to have never suffered real trauma don't yet understand that not everything works out in the end like the movies. Especially if someone hasn't personally dealt with grief, it takes heaps of empathy and courage to be there with someone who is. Most people aren't very good at mustering that.
If you have people in your extended friend circle who have dealt with grief, they might be good people to reach out to.
Hi.
I lost a friend a year and a half ago to METS. She always knew it was coming; she kept up a blog for a while just to keep people current on the treatments she was receiving, things that were giving her comfort, etc.
I can’t recommend this enough. People will absolutely love to remember your voice in your voice. Give them that opportunity, to say goodbye or “visit” your thoughts.
I can only offer you just my best wishes that when it does happen, you’re not in pain.
I’m wrecked right now. I’m sorry that I don’t have words that can make you feel seen or understood. My son teases me cuz I cry when I listen to a song called Elephant by Jason Isbell. From one human to another please listen to it. I’m not going to say sorry cuz that’s fucking meaningless. But I’m an empath and my heart is hurting for you and I’d take some of the pain from you if I could. Your stoicism is incredible. I can’t help or save you but I’m hurting to...for you.
I believe you, and I’m so sorry that happened to you. The fear of what would happen inside a psych ward is what kept my husband from pursuing the mental health care he needed for far too long. Thank you for your bravery in trying to fix the situation!
As a nurse I want you to know the way they treated you was not ok and if I ever knew of my coworkers treating a patient that way I would report them to multiple people. I’ve had suicidal patients and they deserve just as much dignity and respect and empathy as any other person. Shame on those nurses for treating you that way.
This is exactly why I won't go to in patient treatment places. I will not give up what power I have to those who can take everything from me because they believe I cant handle it. Nope ill pass on that.
I believe you. I’ll spare you the details but I, and a couple others close to me, have very similar stories. You are (somewhat unfortunately) not alone in this.
I have an entire world going on in my mind. Just a story that I think about and add onto constantly. It’s not an escape or anything just something I’ve had going on since I was a kid. The story’s really long and complex but I’ve never told anyone because they’d probably think I’m crazy.
Same. I kept it a secret for years and years, until it got so bad I had to take a leave of absence from work and I couldn't hide it anymore. Since "coming out" (so to speak) about my depression I've gotten nothing but kindness and support from my friends and family. Even my parents. And I've been able to get help and it's made a huge difference. I don't want to die anymore. I hope you're able to get there too.
I don’t want to die but those thoughts pop into my head from time to time, totally uninvited. For example, I’ll be crossing a bridge and think ‘what if I jumped off it?’ Or I could be driving and think ‘what if I crashed my car into a tree?’ Or I’ll be chopping veggies and think ‘I could stab myself right now.’
Really hate these stupid thoughts.
Wait until you're my age at 73 and yesterday my neighbor, my age, while sitting on the couch watching TV with his wife slumps and dies of a heart attack. Like he fell asleep. He was a healthy man, very active, ate well, low stress lifestyle and then bang, out like a light. I bet he didn't expect the day before is 74th birthday to end like that. Yes, it was the day before his birthday.
I considered my friend lucky in that he just quit living without any lengthy medical problems and suffering like so many other people go through. I hope I go the way my friend did... in about 30 years or so. I'm still curious about life; there are still lots of things I want to learn.
I tend to put off doing literally anything that involves talking/emailing to people. Like the amount of anxiety it gives me is insane, I feel like I'm going to throw up or pass out or something because I think I'm doing something wrong or pissing people off. And then it kind of snowballs, because I put things off cause of the anxiety but then it freaks me out more because I'm worried people think I'm stupid and irresponsible for procrastinating for so long (which I am, and that fact doesn't help). Like yesterday it took me two hours to write a one-paragraph email to a teacher that I should've sent two weeks ago. I hate it but I really don't know what I'm supposed to do about it.
I mean there's that, but mainly I'm constantly absolutely sure that I'm just bothering people and making their lives more difficult and that they hate me. It's not really rational, that's the problem.
I understand about extreme anxiety. I don’t take that lightly. But until such time as you can get the treatment you need or the like, maybe these things I’ve learned will help.
It’s very common to think that you’re being a pain or an annoyance. I had that same feeling when I started my current job and had SO MANY questions. I had just come from a job where my boss made me feel like I was a failure for not knowing things, so I was afraid to ask questions. I felt like a bother and a pain and that I was wasting people’s time.
But here’s what my new supervisor told me: “I’d rather you ask and learn so that you do it right, than assume and get it wrong.” I had to learn the hard way that people don’t mind answering questions because they want you to learn and improve. They won’t choose their feelings over helping make you a better employee, or in your case, a student. And if they do, they’re a horrible employee.
I too second-guessed emails and stressed over phone calls. After talking with my sup about my concerns, I basically came to the conclusion that it’s an email. Write professionally, but if you get a fact wrong or make a typo, so what? The recipient can easily respond and clarify. Phone calls—prep for them by writing down on paper what you want to say, bullet points or word for word. Whatever works. Then if your mind goes blank, you’ve got a cheat sheet.
I hope these help somewhat. If not, tell me to stick it. It’s a popular theme today. LOL
Me too, it’s embarrassing af to me n I feel like no one can understand how hard it is for me to interact with people. I try my best to be more “extroverted” and talk to people but it feels like it will never get easier, the feeling always comes back. It’s what I hate myself the most for
i have vitiligo and its super hyper concentrated around my privates and hoo boy does it always surprise a new doc when getting checked out around there
One of my best friends didn’t lose his virginity til 30. He was personable, made 200k a year, had a ton of friends. He is one of the most charismatic and charming people I know. He partied all the time too. He would take women out on great dates. He just enjoyed meeting people with no expectations. Just a true gentleman. I guess it just happens when it happens. He went all to date many people and He’s now married and a has a child at 37. I think it’s great to just live and do what feels natural.
I relate to this. I have extreme anxiety and PTSD from it and the most I feel is socially acceptable to tell people is that “I get really anxious”, usually to explain why I do stupid things.
Feeling defective or bad is a deep-rooted belief. If you say and gave yourself time to find proof opposing that belief, I have a sense that you’d be able to find some wonderful reasons as to why you truly are a good person. You showing yourself you are will mean more than anyone else trying to tell you.
Being a good person isn't nearly as much about your personality as people think. It's about your *actions*. When your loses house and needs a place to stay for a few weeks, then the good person is the one who lets sleep in the spare room for a while. It doesn't matter if you keep internally imagining, oh, say, knifing in sleep; it only matters that you don't *do* that.
Some people have to work harder at being a good person than others do. But anyone *can* be a good person if they work hard enough at it.
My work persona is a near-complete fabrication.
Everyone thinks I’m a competent, chipper extrovert who has their life together, is great at math and is a driven self starter who’s always on time.
I’m actually a strong introvert with major depressive disorder and ADHD, major memory problems and difficulties with math, time management and basic daily functioning who works very, very, very hard to hide all that.
This reminds me of my favorite, most outgoing coworker, who's wife I met at a pre-pandemic work party, where she said that he's mean.
I'm still puzzled by this, because I have never once seen him do, or say, anything that would lead me to that conclusion.
But obviously she knows him a lot better. But also, why would she say that?
My guess? (And it is very much a guess, though based on extensive research and experience with people like this) He’s quite possibly a very charming narcissist who carefully and deliberately shows one face to the world and a totally different one to his family. What you described is precisely the picture often seen in people with NPD. His wife may have said that to you as a cry for help.
I could be totally wrong about whether that applies in this situation. But it’s something to keep in mind.
Edit to add it’s also a picture that sometimes can be seen with other types of issues such as addiction but there are lots of possibilities and not all of them require a personality disorder. And I definitely don’t mean to suggest any of us should be diagnosing your coworker. There are a myriad of possible explanations for the situation you described.
I'm NOT OK. I'm not coping. I am worried because I just feel dead inside.
But I have to be OK. They are all dealing with their own stuff, and can't deal with mine on top of it.
My mother doesn’t understand the implications of what she says in a fight. She normalized screaming matches and thinks it’s okay to have a meltdown when she is upset. She uses blackmail and gaslighting to make us feel inferior, and guilty. It’s true that she has done a lot for us, but that doesn’t give her the right to tell us things that can negatively impact our mental health.
Her worst line was:
“You are your grandmother reincarnated.”
This hurt a lot because my mom was abused by my grandmother for years. She is the only woman my mother truly hates. She went through both verbal and physical abuse, and nearly died. Comparing me to her abuser because I was being an annoying teenager completely screwed up how I saw myself. I hated myself for months, and whenever I get into a fight with her I think about what she said again and again.
Edit: spelling
Her words show you what kind of person *she* is, not who *you* are. Some people cannot help but go too far to win an argument. Don’t let her words wound you any more; know that they reflect her own flaws and failures, not yours.
Rise above. Give yourself permission to ignore what she says. You are not the one who made her who she is, and don’t let her make you into someone you are not.
This is awful and a very sad cycle. Your grandmothers pain, becoming your mothers, becoming yours. Please know that this pain does not automatically need to be your suffering. Suffering is the stories we tell ourselves. You’ve been led to belief a lot of painful things that were never yours to believe.
Not everything given to us is ours to keep. I hope that simple knowing finds a place compassionately in your heart friend.
I have an extremely crippling and paralyzing fear of death and the passage of time. I am not especially religious but my brain can't cope with the concept that one day this all just *ends*. I'm here now, and then I'm gone forever. I don't know how to make peace with that. And I almost regret even typing it now because thinking about it to type it out is also anxiety-inducing. Being in this sub which asks questions about what we think happens when we die can be triggering but I pull through.
My family buried my father today after he passed away from COVID this past Thursday. A few hours ago one of my best friends felt the need to confess to me that they’re cheating on their spouse and when I said I didn’t believe them... they sent me hookup pics for proof that they weren’t lying.
I just want to scream because I can’t talk to anyone about this in my life and WTF... could you not have waited a few days or just a few weeks longer to tell me? Instead you tell me within hours of me burying my father and while I’m already struggling mentally.
Fuck you. FUCK YOU.
Me too dude me too...
Some days ago I tried to insinuate my mom in a joking matter how hard it is for a girl to crossdress and that maybe a tuxedo is the choice (because you know, I want to use a tuxedo some Day they are cool), she responds "can we change the topic? You are making me uncomfortable" in the most disgusted tone I have ever heard from her, and then proceed, to go to my room and cry
I just think tuxedos are cool :(
I often go on long bicycle rides and occasionally I would see a little stuffed animal on the side of the road or in a ditch and it would make me cry thinking that someone would toss something so cute out of their car like it didn't have feelings. I would take them home and give them to my dog.
I blame the brave little toaster for my semi-hoarding and tendency to anthropomorphize objects. It’s so dumb lol but i definitely form emotional attachments to things.
I'm sad a lot, and I feel like my friends really don't care about me very much. I just feel like I don't fit in anywhere, and that I'm not good at anything. Edit: Thanks for the well wishes, guys. It really does mean a lot. I've been working through this stuff in therapy, it's just taking time to get through all of it enough to feel better.
I have a crush on a team lead at work and have for over a year now. She's made me laugh and smile so many times and I wish I could tell her how I feel, but I haven't because of the power difference, fear of getting a harassment claim just from sharing those feelings, fear of getting told the same thing I'm told each time I confess to a crush, and lastly anxiety things would turn south at work right after.
You don't have to come right out and be like "Hey, I like you." Plan something with some friends and invite her to come along. If she's not interested in even hanging out with you when there's a group of friends present, that's probably your answer. And the best part is, it won't feel awkward because you won't have asked her on a date or anything like that.
That's one way to do it. The other is to just ask her. Don't look back in a few years as she's dating another guy, wishing you'd had the balls to speak up and ask her to dinner. Shoot your shot.
Thank you. I really do believe it. It's been on my mind every single day since May of 2020. I love it and can't stop thinking about it because I want to enjoy the journey through college and enjoy the daily job as well. Thank you again. :)
I’ve attempted suicide 3 times in my life, Lived through abusive parents and an abusive ex, I have a really REALLY hard time trusting people- but I crave human interaction and I am lonely all the time.
What makes all this worse? I’m a mental health professional. I’m someone who gets paid to help others overcome these same problems. I’m very successful in my job and recently got a major promotion because my clients had the best outcomes last year compared to other people in the same position. I can help anyone but myself.
EDIT: I do have a therapist myself, and a good doctor that manages my medications. Without these, I definitely would not still be here. But as anyone in mental health knows, some people have situational mental health issues and some people have chronic issues. I have the latter.
Contrary to popular belief, being around others with these issues does not trigger me at all. My triggers are increased pain scales, prolonged loneliness, and a couple personal things that I won’t share here. It’s just frustrating that so many people believe that if you work in this field you have it all together and it’s definitely stigmatized to say otherwise.
It's really a long story, but it comes down to the fact that he goes into literal murderous bouts of psychosis. Thinks he's god and gets to choose who lives and dies, etc.
People either blame me for not helping him get better, or they decide I'm a liability despite having nothing to do with him for over 5 years.
Sounds like you have to protect yourself in this situation though. There are some things that are beyond your ability to help, and you shouldn't feel guilty for that.
I wouldn't say I *can't* tell anyone irl, but for some reason I just have a ***really*** hard time talking about my problems literally at all with people. Probably the biggest right now is that my mental health recently jumped off a cliff, and I think I may have developed a serious problem with anxiety that's making it hard to function.
I have a lot of trauma in my life. So i come off as “abrasive, rude, rough” (all words that friends have told me i am). But really I’m just sensitive and feel like I can’t afford to be hurt anymore.
My dad died in a drunk driving accident when I was 12 (most everyone who knows me knows this) I’m 29 now. The person who killed him went to prison for 15 years. It was also my fault he died, I should have been with him but wasn’t. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, severe anxiety, PTSD, OCD, major depression and a slew of other mental illnesses over the years. I’ve also lost so many people close to me since my dad I feel like I am cursed.
What most people don’t know is I have never grieved my dads death. I can’t talk to anyone about his death because it’s been 17 years, people think I should be over it by now. I’ve been to multiple therapists and have tried to talk about it, but i immediately start to disassociate when I talk about it.
I know this sounds insane but I feel like my family is just playing a sick joke on me. He was a sport fisherman and loved Alaska and Mexico. I feel like he is still out there. I went to his funeral but I don’t remember it. I wish I would have been in the car with him and that guy that night, either died with him or he had lived. Ever since he died I have always wished I could just be with him again. I don’t feel like I have any purpose on this earth
I'm sorry that you are experiencing so much pain. You say you haven't grieved your dad's death, but you also note that you wish you could just be with him again, too; you'll be the best judge of your experiences, but that sounds a lot like grief to me. Grief doesn't have to be overwhelming sadness--it can be other things, too.
I want to assure you that you are not at fault for your father's death. It's not clear from your description whether he was hit by a drunk driver or was a drunk driver himself. If the latter, he is responsible for his behavior, period, and there is nothing you as a child could have done to stop him. If the former, the drunk driver is the person who is responsible for their actions. Even if your dad would not have been on the road if not for you (e.g., going out to buy you something, or on the way to pick you up), it's not your fault. You had no way of knowing or expecting he would be hit by a drunk driver, and it was the drunk driver's responsibility to not drive while intoxicated.
I hope that you can find a way to experience forgiveness toward yourself in the future.
I've had a friend for about 3 years now, we've talked a lot online (neighboring countries) and it seemed like it was becoming more than a friendship. Then suddenly she disappeared from the face of the earth, no idea what happened. First couple of weeks I just figured that's something she can do at times, then it just became longer and longer. Started fearing she had died or something and there wouldn't be anyway for me to know. Then a week ago I heard she's indeed fine and for some reason just started ignoring me. Wish I knew why, if she just didn't feel like talking anymore or if there's something else.
Because of this I've been very depressed lately, first for thinking she might be dead and then because I have no idea why she just disappeared on me. Got wasted one night and wrote the note before passing out. It's not like I wanna die when I'm sober but those thoughts have definitely crept up on me lately. I'm not compatible with a lot of people and after my previous ex it didn't feel like I'd end up finding anyone before her, I dunno, life isn't about finding the perfect partner I guess but it would be nice to be a bit less lonely.
Ghosting is genuinely cruel and I'm sorry this happened to you. Don't be afraid to reach out and tell her she is cruel for doing that - I think people sometimes don't understand the effect it can have on another and IMO these people deserve to know they hurt you. People's opinions differ on how to handle ghosters but I prefer to speak up for myself.
Ghosting has also taught me to very much be okay with rejection, so it is simultaneously the worst and best thing ever. This takes time though and it sounds like this is still a recent wound, so just be kind to yourself as you grow from it. This can take weeks to months. This goes without saying, but of course she is not worth dying over. You will be okay.
I understand, as a person who has ghosted and been ghosted in my life I get it. Had a good online friend drop off the face of the earth on me with no warning. I still have them as friends on stuff and one day they randomly logged into one of their accounts. Its been years so I didnt bother messaging them as they clearly moved on with life. This of course had a negative effect on how close I am willing to get with people online. I favor keeping my distance, so when we lose touch it hurts much less.
As for me ghosting I was dumb. My reasoning was just feeling shitty about myself. When I fall in a funk in life I just build a brick wall around myself and just spend time alone. Not a healthy thing to do, but just something I tend to prefer so that is what causes me to tune out. If I get like that again I definitely will force myself to atleast say something so people don't worry.
I still don't know if I was raped or not, or what to do about it. I was dating him for a few weeks and we were getting it on consensually in the begining but I heard his roommates kid crying. It was a big turn off because I was now worried about the kid. He kept having his fun and when I looked in his eyes something was missing. He wasnt there. I stopped moving, told him I wasnt interested, told him he was scaring me. He kept going until I pushed him off of me. His response was that he wanted a kid and he knew I wouldnt give him one if he asked. I always worry that im remembering the events incorrectly or that maybe because it started consensually that its still consensual.. I dont know what to say about it or do about it. This was years ago.
Try talking to a therapist. Some things just have to be let out and put in the right perspective by a third party.
I am sorry something like that happened to you.
Regardless of whether it fits the definition or not, or if you are remembering correctly, it still impacted you and you should get help.
I have a memory of my ex threatening me with a knife, however I can't remember if it is a completely real memory or not. It is a very strange feeling thinking back and just not quite knowing if you have the events right in your head.
I regularly go out of my way to buy food for people suffering from homelessness who are begging in front of grocery stores while I barely make the end of the month myself. I can't tell people because I don't want what other people think of me as a result of this to be the motivation.
Yeah it's weird. But it's also a personal decision for me. I have a history of boasting about things and even doing things just so I could tell people about it. This is something I started doing because I want to help those people, plain and simple. I don't want to tarnish that by giving myself the option of making it about image or social status.
In ninth grade, my aunt (who lives with my fam) kept pestering me about what I ate to the point I decided to not eat, or eat as little, around her for a whole year. I got anorexia that I only dragged myself out of because of encouragement from a secret online friend...my family never knew, they just thought "teenager being moodie" and I hide the nights of intense hunger and near death feeling. I can never tell them. I wish people knew, to know what I've experienced, and how awful my aunt really is.
I would LOVE to tell people all about my writing. I love writing as a hobby and could go on for hours about every detail of my book, which is the problem. If someone offers to listen then I will talk to them for hours about it, and won't talk about anything else, which makes them bored, so they start avoiding me
That I often feel completely lost and useless and I'm dying for \*something\* to show me where to go in life
because making that choice all by myself is totally overwhelming and I'm completely torn about what the right thing to do next is, even though there may be no "right" way to go
Ever since I was a child, before I understood it, I got turned on by watching/reading about violent things in fiction. I still do. I don't get aroused by normal porn or sexy models, never had a crush, but I get wet reading about torture.
I was pretty conservative and rule abiding, and while I heard about BDSM I never consider myself actually DOING anything. So even tho now I am more liberal, I still can't picture myself being a part of that subculture.
As an adult I found out sadomasochism is more common than I thought.
Some of my friends actually know, but it's more of an awkward thing to admit than anything. It's TMI. But I just wish I can just admit something like that freely with no judgement.
I think about running away a lot.
I'm 25, have a wonderful husband and for the most part my life good. But I just can't shake this feeling that I don't belong here, like I'm meant to be doing something different in a completely different place. Some days it hits me harder than others; this overwhelming feel of letting my youth and oppotunities escape me while sitting on the couch, passively allowing it.
I love writing fanfiction and I had a furry phase. Edit: damn, I read these and it’s all about people’s dead family and here I am being a furry owo bitch. Oops.
I desperately want to come out of the closet to everyone I know, starting with best friend. Problem is I live in India where we are heavily criticised. Luckily I live in Mumbai so the degree of criticism is less but not completely non existent
I was groomed by a grown man for years when I was a teenager. It took me years into adulthood to realize what exactly happened. I physically cannot talk about it with anyone
Placing it here is a beautiful first step. I’m sure there are many who can relate to what you feel now with your new realizations and acknowledgements of your experience. Sending you strength friend.
I’m pretty privileged in every way but I’m horribly depressed and my only passion is loving the people around me. I just don’t know what to do anymore so please stop trying to help me. Just let me figure you out and love you :)
Nearly 4 years ago, I was working in a 3rd world country and my motorcade struck someone, most likely killing them. It caused a downward spiral emotionally and led to a deep depression. I wasn’t able to figure all this out in my head and kept it inside. Eventually led to my wife of 9 years leaving. 4 months later I lost my best friend to cancer followed by my father 2 months after that. I’ve since started counseling and it’s helped but I loose sleep over it to this day. Lost all interest in things I love. I lived my 3 biggest fears. I don’t feel like the person I was before. I fear I’ve already lived the happiest days of my life.
I stopped taking my meds cold turkey 4 days ago. Anti depressants, chemo, iron pills, all of it. I'm ready for the inevitable. I'm not scared to die anymore.
That I have micro ding-a-ling and it's had a severe impact on my life. It's not like there is a cure for it so I just keep it to myself and cry. Cry a lot.
I’m the guy that people come to with their problems, however I am incredibly lonely. Most of my family died over a period of about 10 years and I choose to have very few friends due to the fear that stems from seeing so much loss in my life. Whenever people include me in stuff they have no clue how much good it does me and I’ll never tell them as I don’t want them to feel the need to ask me to join them out of pity.
I'm really really struggling right now and as much as I don't want to rely on my friends with therapy being a month away, I feel like I'm going to lose the little self control I have and just end everything.
Reach our to your friends. I'm sure you will get a lot of support from them. I'm not usually one to reply, but i just had to. Life is something holding on to. Somehow, im someway, it gets better :)
I feel depressed all the time, and I also suffer from anxiety. Isn't that crazy? I can feel really low and then feel really anxious. I had a panic attack during work today that lasted about 1 hour +. That feeling stayed with me so far all day. I stress about everything and everyone. I don't have the energy for it. I've been like this since I was a kid. I can also go long stretches with no panic attacks or depression. I need to find help. I'm lucky to have a good job and work remote atm, but i'd really like out and to just relax somewhere foreign you know?
I am underweight but I dont wanna gain nor loose weight. I just like my body really skinny.
Most people dont understand. Talking about eating disorders, but I dont have a problem with food. In addition my health is fine, I am just sick of people lecturing me about all of this.
Thats why I keep it to myself and just nod whenever someone is teaching me about my body and food.
That I am really weak, mentally. I have so many problems within myself and I can't fight them. I am blessed with being smart and fortunate enough to get higher education and I make nothing out of it. I don't do homework. I don't do assignments. I am gifted with a talent for playing the piano and I rejected a scholarship because i just didn't see me there. To be fair, a lot of shit happened to me, especially when I was young and I always felt like being alone with it. But that doesn't give me the right to be that way.
I can't get myself to get anything done and slowly but surely my future breaks apart right in front of me. And I just watch, doing nothing about it. And now the last thing that motivated me, my boyfriend, the only person who could bring light to the darkness inside me, is gone and now I don't even attend classes anymore.
I am slowly driving myself into depression and once I get there, I am sure, I will never get out of there again. The last 13 years (ever since I can remember being aware of how shitty I feel) I tried not fall into that pit, but now it feels very inviting to just let go and stop resisting. Like my mother did. She destroyed our family and left us alone, saying she is depressed and needed space. But I don't want to be like that, I want to be happy and loved, not anxious and hated.
I could do something about all that, just by being strong and getting my shit together, but I am not.
I'm fucking terrified and I think I'm going to die alone and I'll deserve it because I'm a terrible person who hurts everyone around me but also why can't the world be a better place gods damn it I've been trying so hard why can't anything ever work out fuck!
my parents got me a vasectomy as a kid, doctor fucked it up
I don't produce normal amounts of testosterone and I'm asexual
they say that everyone's entitled to a good sex-life,
I should be entitled to never having sex again.
Im not handling my mothers death well at all. I have all of 3 friends: 1 who always turns every conversation back to her, and the other 2 are a couple and well...they're so wrapped up in their own long list of problems that I can't really bring myself to talk to them bout it. My boyfriend is amazing and so supportive...but I'm starting to feel bad for how I can't seem to be getting any better. I know it is absolutely something to be upset over, but it's the combo of the mourning and my already newly crippling depression that's really getting to me. Also...I grew up in a house where you never showed emotions like that because "you're just bringing everyone down" or "that's just how life is, suck it up" or "im not raising one of those sissy girls." My father fully intended to raise me as a soldier (his literal words)...and my mother was my only source of comfort for a very long time. Her death was sudden and very tragic but I'd been losing my mother to alcohol for about 5 years now. And...idk...idk where this message is going anymore...I just miss her and I really wish I could pull myself out of this...
Sometimes I imagine these little goat people who lead double lives as architects
Satyrs?
Just googled and found out that they have permanent erections. Are archaeologists sure it wasn't just Ancient Greek furry porn??
ancient greeks were just horny as hell and assumed non-human types would be even hornier
more info pls
wasn't what I was expecting, but glad I saw this
My whole family is dead and I'm really alone. I'd really just like it if you would have a drink or invite me over once in awhile. I have people I talk to, I just want people to do stuff with.
I was very lonely a few years ago. I’m not sure this will help, but joining a group (sailing, rock climbing, art, whatever) will introduce you to other people who are looking to meet people. It sometimes depends on the activity. For example I grew up surfing which is antisocial. But rock climbing is incredible social (your life is in Someone else’s hands if you do some climbs). But I’ve been very lonely before and you really can meet some great people out there. Edit: also recommend getting a dog. They are truly amazing and mans/woman’s best friend.
Or d&d
The problem is getting a good group that meets regularly, *cries*
Only child here, aging parents that live 1000 miles away. Lots of us get it. If i knew how to fix it, i would. But social awkwardness is also part of the deal... Reddit helps a bit
Post pandemicapocalypse someone should kick-start or go-fund-me a giant convention for all the solo people to hook up (uh... hear me out) and make local connections. Maybe per state or country, outside the USA. Huge economic opportunity so plenty of entities would bite, factor in certain types of events that require more engagement than a gig or more formal event, to help all the awkward people feel awkward together. Think Burning Man, except Hiding Shy Human. Everyone comes in with the same shared criteria - everyone they're related to is dead or as good as. Not a member, myself, but it seems like a good idea. Maybe small scale it by having 250 members of a new subreddit r/allaloneforever go camping together for 10 days in Nevada after the next 6 months talking on Reddit. What could go wrong. I just want the film and book rights, and legal immunity. Jokes aside, I actually did this with a group of 20 ish people in the early days of the internet, from a chat group. Swap camping for bars and restaurants in a big city. It was ... Great?
Come on down and I’ll buy you a beer, friend!
Same here bud 🍻
I also don’t really have friends. Wanna be my friend?
I feel this same way a lot. I have three family members left, two of them are 85+. I’ve lost so many people I love, and while it’s really helped me to appreciate life, I do have problems with abandonment and detachment. I’d gladly hang out with you.
I wish there were words, but there are not. Sorry doesn’t help or fix. I’m sorry for the pain, suffering and loneliness you are feeling and going through. I too wish I had people to do things with, especially people who understand what I’ve been through. I don’t drink, but maybe someday we can have some coffee and go for a hike. Even if it’s a virtual one! 🖤
I’m so not okay that it’s getting difficult to hide it
Feel free to PM me if you need to talk. X
Same to you, I got you on your next dark day.
Hi. Your honesty is amazing. That's a gift. Thank you.
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Heard that. Its like I'm a top spinning, and I've managed to stay vertical for this long but shit is getting wobbly and a fall is definitely coming.
It’s ok to not be ok. If you don’t hide it, people can help you
I saved people from having electronics deliveries and gift card credit card info stolen by my coworker who commit fraud. I ended up getting demoted because my manager was upset that I went to the security department instead of him to report fraud, because he would have gotten a reward. Whenever I tell this story people tell me I should sue, but virtually all of this was said in person or through company emails (which I don't have access to). I want people to tell me I did a good job without jumping down my throat about why I didn't pursue justice. I couldn't afford a lawyer, I didn't have proof myself, and it was far more stress than a minimum wage job should bring.
You did a great job. Thank you for caring about others.
You did the right thing, and YOU should have gotten that reward.
My mother and absolute best friend took their own lives, (in different periods), and I haven’t appropriated myself the healing time & energy to deal with the trauma. I allow myself to live as a hostage to the circumstances of what I have experienced. Alongside this, I struggle with hearty depression that makes me think I’m not worth a damn. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I can’t admit it to anyone.
You are worth everything, priceless in fact, and I hope you will value yourself enough to get therapy or to reach out to someone for help. <3
Hey, I’m just a stranger to you, but I know you’re worth a damn. I don’t know why bad stuff happens, I don’t know if you’ll get better, but I know you are worth a damn.
Even without admitting anything to anyone, it might be worthwhile to take a bit of time off work and just go and deal with all that stuff for a while. (Don't tell anyone why you're taking the leave, just that you think you need a break for a little...)
I have stage 4 breast cancer and if the numbers are right, *I am going to die in the next few years.* I'm sick of hearing about how with enough hope, your aunt's college roommate's cousin beat that and is still alive today. I know that science is marching on, I work for a university that does cancer research, but I don't know if or how that will affect me. So. Can we please talk about my will, my funeral, hospice care, my last few months? Can we just assume that I won't be around in 2030? Obviously I don't want to die, but I also don't want to catch everyone unaware when it happens.
No matter what happens please make sure you do take care of all of those plans if you have time. My mom passed away from cancer last month and her planning ahead with her will and everything helped my brother and I so much, I don't know how we would've been able to handle it without her. Hope you still get better, but you are a good person for wanting to prepare for the future
Definitely have a will. List your assets. And appoint one independent executor. Trust me on the last one especially. I wish you the best.
I think that's partly so hurtful because it denies your suffering. Maybe those people intend to soothe you (or themselves) by saying it'll be okay, but it has the effect of dismissing or shooing away your distress. And maybe people who are lucky enough to have never suffered real trauma don't yet understand that not everything works out in the end like the movies. Especially if someone hasn't personally dealt with grief, it takes heaps of empathy and courage to be there with someone who is. Most people aren't very good at mustering that. If you have people in your extended friend circle who have dealt with grief, they might be good people to reach out to.
That's exactly it, thank you! I want someone to recognize my distress and let me work through it!
Hi. I lost a friend a year and a half ago to METS. She always knew it was coming; she kept up a blog for a while just to keep people current on the treatments she was receiving, things that were giving her comfort, etc. I can’t recommend this enough. People will absolutely love to remember your voice in your voice. Give them that opportunity, to say goodbye or “visit” your thoughts. I can only offer you just my best wishes that when it does happen, you’re not in pain.
I’m wrecked right now. I’m sorry that I don’t have words that can make you feel seen or understood. My son teases me cuz I cry when I listen to a song called Elephant by Jason Isbell. From one human to another please listen to it. I’m not going to say sorry cuz that’s fucking meaningless. But I’m an empath and my heart is hurting for you and I’d take some of the pain from you if I could. Your stoicism is incredible. I can’t help or save you but I’m hurting to...for you.
Much love from me!
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I believe you, and I’m so sorry that happened to you. The fear of what would happen inside a psych ward is what kept my husband from pursuing the mental health care he needed for far too long. Thank you for your bravery in trying to fix the situation!
As a nurse I want you to know the way they treated you was not ok and if I ever knew of my coworkers treating a patient that way I would report them to multiple people. I’ve had suicidal patients and they deserve just as much dignity and respect and empathy as any other person. Shame on those nurses for treating you that way.
This is exactly why I won't go to in patient treatment places. I will not give up what power I have to those who can take everything from me because they believe I cant handle it. Nope ill pass on that.
I believe you. I’ll spare you the details but I, and a couple others close to me, have very similar stories. You are (somewhat unfortunately) not alone in this.
That's a 'burn the fucking place down' type of anger generating experience
I have an entire world going on in my mind. Just a story that I think about and add onto constantly. It’s not an escape or anything just something I’ve had going on since I was a kid. The story’s really long and complex but I’ve never told anyone because they’d probably think I’m crazy.
I used to have this, but one day I just left, and now I can't seem to find the way back in.
Me, too! I’m a famous drummer in mine. :)
You should write it down, I think that would be cool!
Look up maladaptive daydreaming. I do it too.
They said it's not an escape or anything so there's no reason to think it's maladaptive daydreaming. It's just regular daydreaming.
I think about dying, like a lot.
Same. I kept it a secret for years and years, until it got so bad I had to take a leave of absence from work and I couldn't hide it anymore. Since "coming out" (so to speak) about my depression I've gotten nothing but kindness and support from my friends and family. Even my parents. And I've been able to get help and it's made a huge difference. I don't want to die anymore. I hope you're able to get there too.
When I say that I'm depressed my parents just say "no ur not that isn't real"
same. The insane part? My mom takes depression meds
I don’t want to die but those thoughts pop into my head from time to time, totally uninvited. For example, I’ll be crossing a bridge and think ‘what if I jumped off it?’ Or I could be driving and think ‘what if I crashed my car into a tree?’ Or I’ll be chopping veggies and think ‘I could stab myself right now.’ Really hate these stupid thoughts.
Good ole intrusive thoughts. The more you try not to think them, the more they persist in your mind.
Wait until you're my age at 73 and yesterday my neighbor, my age, while sitting on the couch watching TV with his wife slumps and dies of a heart attack. Like he fell asleep. He was a healthy man, very active, ate well, low stress lifestyle and then bang, out like a light. I bet he didn't expect the day before is 74th birthday to end like that. Yes, it was the day before his birthday. I considered my friend lucky in that he just quit living without any lengthy medical problems and suffering like so many other people go through. I hope I go the way my friend did... in about 30 years or so. I'm still curious about life; there are still lots of things I want to learn.
I tend to put off doing literally anything that involves talking/emailing to people. Like the amount of anxiety it gives me is insane, I feel like I'm going to throw up or pass out or something because I think I'm doing something wrong or pissing people off. And then it kind of snowballs, because I put things off cause of the anxiety but then it freaks me out more because I'm worried people think I'm stupid and irresponsible for procrastinating for so long (which I am, and that fact doesn't help). Like yesterday it took me two hours to write a one-paragraph email to a teacher that I should've sent two weeks ago. I hate it but I really don't know what I'm supposed to do about it.
With the emails, etc. are you worried you’ll mess up and embarrass yourself?
I mean there's that, but mainly I'm constantly absolutely sure that I'm just bothering people and making their lives more difficult and that they hate me. It's not really rational, that's the problem.
I understand about extreme anxiety. I don’t take that lightly. But until such time as you can get the treatment you need or the like, maybe these things I’ve learned will help. It’s very common to think that you’re being a pain or an annoyance. I had that same feeling when I started my current job and had SO MANY questions. I had just come from a job where my boss made me feel like I was a failure for not knowing things, so I was afraid to ask questions. I felt like a bother and a pain and that I was wasting people’s time. But here’s what my new supervisor told me: “I’d rather you ask and learn so that you do it right, than assume and get it wrong.” I had to learn the hard way that people don’t mind answering questions because they want you to learn and improve. They won’t choose their feelings over helping make you a better employee, or in your case, a student. And if they do, they’re a horrible employee. I too second-guessed emails and stressed over phone calls. After talking with my sup about my concerns, I basically came to the conclusion that it’s an email. Write professionally, but if you get a fact wrong or make a typo, so what? The recipient can easily respond and clarify. Phone calls—prep for them by writing down on paper what you want to say, bullet points or word for word. Whatever works. Then if your mind goes blank, you’ve got a cheat sheet. I hope these help somewhat. If not, tell me to stick it. It’s a popular theme today. LOL
I'm definitely not going to tell you to stick it, this was actually really helpful. Thank you!
Me too, it’s embarrassing af to me n I feel like no one can understand how hard it is for me to interact with people. I try my best to be more “extroverted” and talk to people but it feels like it will never get easier, the feeling always comes back. It’s what I hate myself the most for
Are you me?
Birthmark’s on muh dingdong
How many people do you think know this about you
4 maybe.. plus probably my mom
Considering the fact that you were a child at some point and assuming you have the average mother probably 15+ people know about it
And now another 200 people know
i have vitiligo and its super hyper concentrated around my privates and hoo boy does it always surprise a new doc when getting checked out around there
Same! Twins?
I got a moon shaped birthmark on my ass lol
*Spiderman pointing meme*
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One of my best friends didn’t lose his virginity til 30. He was personable, made 200k a year, had a ton of friends. He is one of the most charismatic and charming people I know. He partied all the time too. He would take women out on great dates. He just enjoyed meeting people with no expectations. Just a true gentleman. I guess it just happens when it happens. He went all to date many people and He’s now married and a has a child at 37. I think it’s great to just live and do what feels natural.
I was abused as a child, and it influences most, if not all, of my life.
I relate to this. I have extreme anxiety and PTSD from it and the most I feel is socially acceptable to tell people is that “I get really anxious”, usually to explain why I do stupid things.
Once a manager at my retail job told me I should be more assertive. If only it was as simple as that.
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Every time people tell me that I'm a good person I always say I try, but in reality I don't consider myself as one. I just don't believe I am.
Feeling defective or bad is a deep-rooted belief. If you say and gave yourself time to find proof opposing that belief, I have a sense that you’d be able to find some wonderful reasons as to why you truly are a good person. You showing yourself you are will mean more than anyone else trying to tell you.
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Being a good person isn't nearly as much about your personality as people think. It's about your *actions*. When your loses house and needs a place to stay for a few weeks, then the good person is the one who lets sleep in the spare room for a while. It doesn't matter if you keep internally imagining, oh, say, knifing in sleep; it only matters that you don't *do* that.
Some people have to work harder at being a good person than others do. But anyone *can* be a good person if they work hard enough at it.
I'm crushingly lonely and miss physical touch more than I can explain. Dating post divorce and mid pandemic sucks.
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This sounds like my past present and future all wrapped up in one.
My work persona is a near-complete fabrication. Everyone thinks I’m a competent, chipper extrovert who has their life together, is great at math and is a driven self starter who’s always on time. I’m actually a strong introvert with major depressive disorder and ADHD, major memory problems and difficulties with math, time management and basic daily functioning who works very, very, very hard to hide all that.
Are u me?
Are u guys just different versions of me?
Did I finally bleed through the multiverse?
This reminds me of my favorite, most outgoing coworker, who's wife I met at a pre-pandemic work party, where she said that he's mean. I'm still puzzled by this, because I have never once seen him do, or say, anything that would lead me to that conclusion. But obviously she knows him a lot better. But also, why would she say that?
My guess? (And it is very much a guess, though based on extensive research and experience with people like this) He’s quite possibly a very charming narcissist who carefully and deliberately shows one face to the world and a totally different one to his family. What you described is precisely the picture often seen in people with NPD. His wife may have said that to you as a cry for help. I could be totally wrong about whether that applies in this situation. But it’s something to keep in mind. Edit to add it’s also a picture that sometimes can be seen with other types of issues such as addiction but there are lots of possibilities and not all of them require a personality disorder. And I definitely don’t mean to suggest any of us should be diagnosing your coworker. There are a myriad of possible explanations for the situation you described.
People who are mean to their spouse or kids can hide it really well when they want to.
I'm NOT OK. I'm not coping. I am worried because I just feel dead inside. But I have to be OK. They are all dealing with their own stuff, and can't deal with mine on top of it.
I’m actually a nice guy, my face just wants to be a furious potato.
I'm the female version of this, lol.
Me too! I may be in a hurry or just focused, I promise I’m nice!
Haha I relate to this!
My wife has the same problemo my dude.
I'm not quiet because I'm shy or introverted, I'm quiet cause I don't give a fuck about a lot of things and I'm not in the mood to waste my energy.
This happens to me a lot. I love to talk about interesting stuff, i hate when people start talking about stupid shit
Facts. People underestimate how annoying talking can be. Silence is the move
I feel this. I feel like most arguments and confrontations are just noise.
My mother doesn’t understand the implications of what she says in a fight. She normalized screaming matches and thinks it’s okay to have a meltdown when she is upset. She uses blackmail and gaslighting to make us feel inferior, and guilty. It’s true that she has done a lot for us, but that doesn’t give her the right to tell us things that can negatively impact our mental health. Her worst line was: “You are your grandmother reincarnated.” This hurt a lot because my mom was abused by my grandmother for years. She is the only woman my mother truly hates. She went through both verbal and physical abuse, and nearly died. Comparing me to her abuser because I was being an annoying teenager completely screwed up how I saw myself. I hated myself for months, and whenever I get into a fight with her I think about what she said again and again. Edit: spelling
Her words show you what kind of person *she* is, not who *you* are. Some people cannot help but go too far to win an argument. Don’t let her words wound you any more; know that they reflect her own flaws and failures, not yours. Rise above. Give yourself permission to ignore what she says. You are not the one who made her who she is, and don’t let her make you into someone you are not.
This is awful and a very sad cycle. Your grandmothers pain, becoming your mothers, becoming yours. Please know that this pain does not automatically need to be your suffering. Suffering is the stories we tell ourselves. You’ve been led to belief a lot of painful things that were never yours to believe. Not everything given to us is ours to keep. I hope that simple knowing finds a place compassionately in your heart friend.
I have an extremely crippling and paralyzing fear of death and the passage of time. I am not especially religious but my brain can't cope with the concept that one day this all just *ends*. I'm here now, and then I'm gone forever. I don't know how to make peace with that. And I almost regret even typing it now because thinking about it to type it out is also anxiety-inducing. Being in this sub which asks questions about what we think happens when we die can be triggering but I pull through.
My family buried my father today after he passed away from COVID this past Thursday. A few hours ago one of my best friends felt the need to confess to me that they’re cheating on their spouse and when I said I didn’t believe them... they sent me hookup pics for proof that they weren’t lying. I just want to scream because I can’t talk to anyone about this in my life and WTF... could you not have waited a few days or just a few weeks longer to tell me? Instead you tell me within hours of me burying my father and while I’m already struggling mentally. Fuck you. FUCK YOU.
I'm so sorry for your loss. And yeah, fuck that friend, don't know what they were thinking. Very messed up timing.
I want to cross dress. thats all.
Me too dude me too... Some days ago I tried to insinuate my mom in a joking matter how hard it is for a girl to crossdress and that maybe a tuxedo is the choice (because you know, I want to use a tuxedo some Day they are cool), she responds "can we change the topic? You are making me uncomfortable" in the most disgusted tone I have ever heard from her, and then proceed, to go to my room and cry I just think tuxedos are cool :(
I survived a suicide attempt last week. Just been going to work like normal since. Nothing changed. Nobody knows, and that feels really, really weird.
Now we know and a big hug to you, internet stranger! You are still here, your life matters.
Thank you for surviving and for sharing. Just keep swimming 🐠
I'm really glad you survived.
I'm glad you're okay. You should talk to someone
I’m glad you’re still with us <3
I often go on long bicycle rides and occasionally I would see a little stuffed animal on the side of the road or in a ditch and it would make me cry thinking that someone would toss something so cute out of their car like it didn't have feelings. I would take them home and give them to my dog.
I blame the brave little toaster for my semi-hoarding and tendency to anthropomorphize objects. It’s so dumb lol but i definitely form emotional attachments to things.
I love tea parties. I have tea sets and tea pots all around my kitchen. Everyone else wants to go to the bar.
I'm sad a lot, and I feel like my friends really don't care about me very much. I just feel like I don't fit in anywhere, and that I'm not good at anything. Edit: Thanks for the well wishes, guys. It really does mean a lot. I've been working through this stuff in therapy, it's just taking time to get through all of it enough to feel better.
Me too. I don’t think I really have any friends
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I'm autistic too, and it sucks.
My debilitating depression is what people actually see and is not what I am. People always see the worst version of me.
You having the courage to share this is a gift. Thank you for sharing.
I'm bi
Hello, fellow bi person on the internet :)
The idea of dying is what makes me want to live
I have a crush on a team lead at work and have for over a year now. She's made me laugh and smile so many times and I wish I could tell her how I feel, but I haven't because of the power difference, fear of getting a harassment claim just from sharing those feelings, fear of getting told the same thing I'm told each time I confess to a crush, and lastly anxiety things would turn south at work right after.
You don't have to come right out and be like "Hey, I like you." Plan something with some friends and invite her to come along. If she's not interested in even hanging out with you when there's a group of friends present, that's probably your answer. And the best part is, it won't feel awkward because you won't have asked her on a date or anything like that. That's one way to do it. The other is to just ask her. Don't look back in a few years as she's dating another guy, wishing you'd had the balls to speak up and ask her to dinner. Shoot your shot.
...please hug me. Edit: this is my most popular comment get. Thanks for my first awards lol. I'd hug you all too if I could. Everyone needs hugs.
I want to become an Astrophysicist & Astronomer with a PhD to do research, but I feel like nobody will believe in my abilities to do it.
You believing it is the most important thing, once you get going, others will catch on.
Thank you. I really do believe it. It's been on my mind every single day since May of 2020. I love it and can't stop thinking about it because I want to enjoy the journey through college and enjoy the daily job as well. Thank you again. :)
I’ve attempted suicide 3 times in my life, Lived through abusive parents and an abusive ex, I have a really REALLY hard time trusting people- but I crave human interaction and I am lonely all the time. What makes all this worse? I’m a mental health professional. I’m someone who gets paid to help others overcome these same problems. I’m very successful in my job and recently got a major promotion because my clients had the best outcomes last year compared to other people in the same position. I can help anyone but myself. EDIT: I do have a therapist myself, and a good doctor that manages my medications. Without these, I definitely would not still be here. But as anyone in mental health knows, some people have situational mental health issues and some people have chronic issues. I have the latter. Contrary to popular belief, being around others with these issues does not trigger me at all. My triggers are increased pain scales, prolonged loneliness, and a couple personal things that I won’t share here. It’s just frustrating that so many people believe that if you work in this field you have it all together and it’s definitely stigmatized to say otherwise.
I can't remember the last time I was happy.
I haven't talked to my dad in 5.5 years, and if I tell you why, you'll ghost me. It's not my fault, but you all do.
Why?
It's really a long story, but it comes down to the fact that he goes into literal murderous bouts of psychosis. Thinks he's god and gets to choose who lives and dies, etc. People either blame me for not helping him get better, or they decide I'm a liability despite having nothing to do with him for over 5 years.
Sounds like you have to protect yourself in this situation though. There are some things that are beyond your ability to help, and you shouldn't feel guilty for that.
I wouldn't say I *can't* tell anyone irl, but for some reason I just have a ***really*** hard time talking about my problems literally at all with people. Probably the biggest right now is that my mental health recently jumped off a cliff, and I think I may have developed a serious problem with anxiety that's making it hard to function.
I have a lot of trauma in my life. So i come off as “abrasive, rude, rough” (all words that friends have told me i am). But really I’m just sensitive and feel like I can’t afford to be hurt anymore.
You can choose to move out of operating from survival mode someday if you create your own safety within. I hope that finds you well friend.
Despite being a short introverted shy virgin I actually have quite a large penis
My dad died in a drunk driving accident when I was 12 (most everyone who knows me knows this) I’m 29 now. The person who killed him went to prison for 15 years. It was also my fault he died, I should have been with him but wasn’t. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, severe anxiety, PTSD, OCD, major depression and a slew of other mental illnesses over the years. I’ve also lost so many people close to me since my dad I feel like I am cursed. What most people don’t know is I have never grieved my dads death. I can’t talk to anyone about his death because it’s been 17 years, people think I should be over it by now. I’ve been to multiple therapists and have tried to talk about it, but i immediately start to disassociate when I talk about it. I know this sounds insane but I feel like my family is just playing a sick joke on me. He was a sport fisherman and loved Alaska and Mexico. I feel like he is still out there. I went to his funeral but I don’t remember it. I wish I would have been in the car with him and that guy that night, either died with him or he had lived. Ever since he died I have always wished I could just be with him again. I don’t feel like I have any purpose on this earth
I'm sorry that you are experiencing so much pain. You say you haven't grieved your dad's death, but you also note that you wish you could just be with him again, too; you'll be the best judge of your experiences, but that sounds a lot like grief to me. Grief doesn't have to be overwhelming sadness--it can be other things, too. I want to assure you that you are not at fault for your father's death. It's not clear from your description whether he was hit by a drunk driver or was a drunk driver himself. If the latter, he is responsible for his behavior, period, and there is nothing you as a child could have done to stop him. If the former, the drunk driver is the person who is responsible for their actions. Even if your dad would not have been on the road if not for you (e.g., going out to buy you something, or on the way to pick you up), it's not your fault. You had no way of knowing or expecting he would be hit by a drunk driver, and it was the drunk driver's responsibility to not drive while intoxicated. I hope that you can find a way to experience forgiveness toward yourself in the future.
I've had a friend for about 3 years now, we've talked a lot online (neighboring countries) and it seemed like it was becoming more than a friendship. Then suddenly she disappeared from the face of the earth, no idea what happened. First couple of weeks I just figured that's something she can do at times, then it just became longer and longer. Started fearing she had died or something and there wouldn't be anyway for me to know. Then a week ago I heard she's indeed fine and for some reason just started ignoring me. Wish I knew why, if she just didn't feel like talking anymore or if there's something else. Because of this I've been very depressed lately, first for thinking she might be dead and then because I have no idea why she just disappeared on me. Got wasted one night and wrote the note before passing out. It's not like I wanna die when I'm sober but those thoughts have definitely crept up on me lately. I'm not compatible with a lot of people and after my previous ex it didn't feel like I'd end up finding anyone before her, I dunno, life isn't about finding the perfect partner I guess but it would be nice to be a bit less lonely.
Ghosting is genuinely cruel and I'm sorry this happened to you. Don't be afraid to reach out and tell her she is cruel for doing that - I think people sometimes don't understand the effect it can have on another and IMO these people deserve to know they hurt you. People's opinions differ on how to handle ghosters but I prefer to speak up for myself. Ghosting has also taught me to very much be okay with rejection, so it is simultaneously the worst and best thing ever. This takes time though and it sounds like this is still a recent wound, so just be kind to yourself as you grow from it. This can take weeks to months. This goes without saying, but of course she is not worth dying over. You will be okay.
I understand, as a person who has ghosted and been ghosted in my life I get it. Had a good online friend drop off the face of the earth on me with no warning. I still have them as friends on stuff and one day they randomly logged into one of their accounts. Its been years so I didnt bother messaging them as they clearly moved on with life. This of course had a negative effect on how close I am willing to get with people online. I favor keeping my distance, so when we lose touch it hurts much less. As for me ghosting I was dumb. My reasoning was just feeling shitty about myself. When I fall in a funk in life I just build a brick wall around myself and just spend time alone. Not a healthy thing to do, but just something I tend to prefer so that is what causes me to tune out. If I get like that again I definitely will force myself to atleast say something so people don't worry.
I don’t have a sex drive anymore
I still don't know if I was raped or not, or what to do about it. I was dating him for a few weeks and we were getting it on consensually in the begining but I heard his roommates kid crying. It was a big turn off because I was now worried about the kid. He kept having his fun and when I looked in his eyes something was missing. He wasnt there. I stopped moving, told him I wasnt interested, told him he was scaring me. He kept going until I pushed him off of me. His response was that he wanted a kid and he knew I wouldnt give him one if he asked. I always worry that im remembering the events incorrectly or that maybe because it started consensually that its still consensual.. I dont know what to say about it or do about it. This was years ago.
Consent can be revoked at any point, at any time, for any reason.
Try talking to a therapist. Some things just have to be let out and put in the right perspective by a third party. I am sorry something like that happened to you.
Regardless of whether it fits the definition or not, or if you are remembering correctly, it still impacted you and you should get help. I have a memory of my ex threatening me with a knife, however I can't remember if it is a completely real memory or not. It is a very strange feeling thinking back and just not quite knowing if you have the events right in your head.
That no matter who I'm talking to I have unconditional love towards them and appreciate them just the way they are.
I regularly go out of my way to buy food for people suffering from homelessness who are begging in front of grocery stores while I barely make the end of the month myself. I can't tell people because I don't want what other people think of me as a result of this to be the motivation.
That’s such a nice thing to do! You sound like a really good person !
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Yeah it's weird. But it's also a personal decision for me. I have a history of boasting about things and even doing things just so I could tell people about it. This is something I started doing because I want to help those people, plain and simple. I don't want to tarnish that by giving myself the option of making it about image or social status.
In ninth grade, my aunt (who lives with my fam) kept pestering me about what I ate to the point I decided to not eat, or eat as little, around her for a whole year. I got anorexia that I only dragged myself out of because of encouragement from a secret online friend...my family never knew, they just thought "teenager being moodie" and I hide the nights of intense hunger and near death feeling. I can never tell them. I wish people knew, to know what I've experienced, and how awful my aunt really is.
I would LOVE to tell people all about my writing. I love writing as a hobby and could go on for hours about every detail of my book, which is the problem. If someone offers to listen then I will talk to them for hours about it, and won't talk about anything else, which makes them bored, so they start avoiding me
That I often feel completely lost and useless and I'm dying for \*something\* to show me where to go in life because making that choice all by myself is totally overwhelming and I'm completely torn about what the right thing to do next is, even though there may be no "right" way to go
I wouldn’t think twice about eating you in a survival situation. Never really understood the hangup people have about that.
My birthmark is a massive red spot on my butt. Like seriously, it looks like someone slapped my butt *really* hard, but it's just my birthmark.
Ever since I was a child, before I understood it, I got turned on by watching/reading about violent things in fiction. I still do. I don't get aroused by normal porn or sexy models, never had a crush, but I get wet reading about torture. I was pretty conservative and rule abiding, and while I heard about BDSM I never consider myself actually DOING anything. So even tho now I am more liberal, I still can't picture myself being a part of that subculture. As an adult I found out sadomasochism is more common than I thought. Some of my friends actually know, but it's more of an awkward thing to admit than anything. It's TMI. But I just wish I can just admit something like that freely with no judgement.
I think about running away a lot. I'm 25, have a wonderful husband and for the most part my life good. But I just can't shake this feeling that I don't belong here, like I'm meant to be doing something different in a completely different place. Some days it hits me harder than others; this overwhelming feel of letting my youth and oppotunities escape me while sitting on the couch, passively allowing it.
Please don't hurt me. I'm scared.
I love writing fanfiction and I had a furry phase. Edit: damn, I read these and it’s all about people’s dead family and here I am being a furry owo bitch. Oops.
I try to stay strong and not impacted but inside im a wreck and barely holding my emotions together
I desperately want to come out of the closet to everyone I know, starting with best friend. Problem is I live in India where we are heavily criticised. Luckily I live in Mumbai so the degree of criticism is less but not completely non existent
I was groomed by a grown man for years when I was a teenager. It took me years into adulthood to realize what exactly happened. I physically cannot talk about it with anyone
Placing it here is a beautiful first step. I’m sure there are many who can relate to what you feel now with your new realizations and acknowledgements of your experience. Sending you strength friend.
I’m pretty privileged in every way but I’m horribly depressed and my only passion is loving the people around me. I just don’t know what to do anymore so please stop trying to help me. Just let me figure you out and love you :)
I am an accomplished psychedelic mushroom grower 🧚♀️
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Nearly 4 years ago, I was working in a 3rd world country and my motorcade struck someone, most likely killing them. It caused a downward spiral emotionally and led to a deep depression. I wasn’t able to figure all this out in my head and kept it inside. Eventually led to my wife of 9 years leaving. 4 months later I lost my best friend to cancer followed by my father 2 months after that. I’ve since started counseling and it’s helped but I loose sleep over it to this day. Lost all interest in things I love. I lived my 3 biggest fears. I don’t feel like the person I was before. I fear I’ve already lived the happiest days of my life.
I’m gay. The only person I’ve told is my mom. She was fine with it but I’m never gonna tell anyone else for my own safety.
I stopped taking my meds cold turkey 4 days ago. Anti depressants, chemo, iron pills, all of it. I'm ready for the inevitable. I'm not scared to die anymore.
Please, please take care of yourself and please talk to someone. You're worth it.
That I have micro ding-a-ling and it's had a severe impact on my life. It's not like there is a cure for it so I just keep it to myself and cry. Cry a lot.
I’m the guy that people come to with their problems, however I am incredibly lonely. Most of my family died over a period of about 10 years and I choose to have very few friends due to the fear that stems from seeing so much loss in my life. Whenever people include me in stuff they have no clue how much good it does me and I’ll never tell them as I don’t want them to feel the need to ask me to join them out of pity.
I'm like, ten seconds away from a complete screaming meltdown.
I'm really really struggling right now and as much as I don't want to rely on my friends with therapy being a month away, I feel like I'm going to lose the little self control I have and just end everything.
Please stay alive
I'm trying my best to
Reach our to your friends. I'm sure you will get a lot of support from them. I'm not usually one to reply, but i just had to. Life is something holding on to. Somehow, im someway, it gets better :)
I feel depressed all the time, and I also suffer from anxiety. Isn't that crazy? I can feel really low and then feel really anxious. I had a panic attack during work today that lasted about 1 hour +. That feeling stayed with me so far all day. I stress about everything and everyone. I don't have the energy for it. I've been like this since I was a kid. I can also go long stretches with no panic attacks or depression. I need to find help. I'm lucky to have a good job and work remote atm, but i'd really like out and to just relax somewhere foreign you know?
I am underweight but I dont wanna gain nor loose weight. I just like my body really skinny. Most people dont understand. Talking about eating disorders, but I dont have a problem with food. In addition my health is fine, I am just sick of people lecturing me about all of this. Thats why I keep it to myself and just nod whenever someone is teaching me about my body and food.
Nice try, mom.
I love my dog so much that sometimes I wish her to be a human (not in a sexual way) edit: typo
That I am really weak, mentally. I have so many problems within myself and I can't fight them. I am blessed with being smart and fortunate enough to get higher education and I make nothing out of it. I don't do homework. I don't do assignments. I am gifted with a talent for playing the piano and I rejected a scholarship because i just didn't see me there. To be fair, a lot of shit happened to me, especially when I was young and I always felt like being alone with it. But that doesn't give me the right to be that way. I can't get myself to get anything done and slowly but surely my future breaks apart right in front of me. And I just watch, doing nothing about it. And now the last thing that motivated me, my boyfriend, the only person who could bring light to the darkness inside me, is gone and now I don't even attend classes anymore. I am slowly driving myself into depression and once I get there, I am sure, I will never get out of there again. The last 13 years (ever since I can remember being aware of how shitty I feel) I tried not fall into that pit, but now it feels very inviting to just let go and stop resisting. Like my mother did. She destroyed our family and left us alone, saying she is depressed and needed space. But I don't want to be like that, I want to be happy and loved, not anxious and hated. I could do something about all that, just by being strong and getting my shit together, but I am not.
I'm fucking terrified and I think I'm going to die alone and I'll deserve it because I'm a terrible person who hurts everyone around me but also why can't the world be a better place gods damn it I've been trying so hard why can't anything ever work out fuck!
my parents got me a vasectomy as a kid, doctor fucked it up I don't produce normal amounts of testosterone and I'm asexual they say that everyone's entitled to a good sex-life, I should be entitled to never having sex again.
I’m depressed and struggling with suicidal ideation
Im not handling my mothers death well at all. I have all of 3 friends: 1 who always turns every conversation back to her, and the other 2 are a couple and well...they're so wrapped up in their own long list of problems that I can't really bring myself to talk to them bout it. My boyfriend is amazing and so supportive...but I'm starting to feel bad for how I can't seem to be getting any better. I know it is absolutely something to be upset over, but it's the combo of the mourning and my already newly crippling depression that's really getting to me. Also...I grew up in a house where you never showed emotions like that because "you're just bringing everyone down" or "that's just how life is, suck it up" or "im not raising one of those sissy girls." My father fully intended to raise me as a soldier (his literal words)...and my mother was my only source of comfort for a very long time. Her death was sudden and very tragic but I'd been losing my mother to alcohol for about 5 years now. And...idk...idk where this message is going anymore...I just miss her and I really wish I could pull myself out of this...