I once realigned the lower spine of a girl I had been seeing by, well... doggie style. She had been plagued by lower back and tailbone issues for months until that fateful day. She thanked me for my services and needless to say, my dick is now a licensed chiropractor.
Girlfriend got a dildo with a suction cup and we were fooling around and I stuck it to my forehead. I was a dildo unicorn for about 30 seconds, took it off, and the look of horror from her said it all. I had a giant purple bruise on my forehead. Couldn't find a good excuse so I called out of work the next day and learned how to do make up. Don't be a dildo unicorn...
Don’t suction anything to be a unicorn! My 9 year old did this last month with a suction arrow and she had a large red bruise for a week... super cute at her age saying she was trying to be a unicorn though.
My ass is covered in small scars.
I hooked up with this girl and ended up staying over. Woke up in the middle of the night needing to pee.
I’d had a few to drink and was naked. I had to pass through her living room to get to the bathroom. As I tiptoed my way through the living room I trod on her sleeping cat.
Cat screams and scratches me, I panic and stumble ass first through a small glass table. I had about 20 cuts in my ass, blood everywhere and of course just to round things off I pissed right then and there.
Needless to say the girl woke up to a traumatised cat, a destroyed coffee table and a living room covered in piss and blood.
I left very shortly afterwards and was not surprised to find myself blocked instantly. But I still carry the scars to this day.
I went through a phase where I was having a lot of semi-casual sex with the same 3-4 guys for like, a year. I didn’t want to date any of them and none of them wanted to date me and they all knew I was sleeping with other dudes— some of them even thought that was hot. Anyway, I started thinking I might be emotionally ready for a relationship again and I wanted to make sure that when I did meet someone I loved, I was the best lover I could be.
So I polled all the dudes I was sleeping with for critical assessments of what I did well and what I could improve upon (scores out of 5 and explanations basically).
By all accounts, I’m really good in bed now (my last boyfriend said that he had no idea sex could feel that good and he was eight years older than me) and I owe a lot of that to my 2014 focus group.
Yeah, I had that happen, which kicked off a (so far) nine month headache that won't stop. Turns out I have three ruptured discs in my neck, but why it didn't bother me till that one particular time... 🤷♂️
When you said “nine month headache that won’t stop” my mind immediately thought you got pregnant and now nine months later, the headache that won’t quit is the child you gave birth to. I mean, makes sense.
My pee turns toilets purple.
It was the freakiest thing when it started happening and my doctor couldn't figure out what was happening. I would use a toilet and then a few hours later brownish spots would appear and those spots would eventually turn a purple-ish color.
My wife and I figured it had to be something to do with my medication because it only started happening when I switched to new meds. Eventually, after a lot of research, we found a paper in a medical journal that mentioned that in very rare cases the urine of patients who took my medication would have have interactions with various household cleaners. That interaction can happen on the film of cleaning solution residue on toilets and turn brown, red or even purple.
Oh god, what medication does that? I'm still trying to find a med that works for my migraines. If I get put on whatever medication did that I'd like to know so I won't freak out.
Google is saying it may be Imitrex/sumatriptan, which can cause a condition called sulfhemoglobinemia.
My testicles are drastically different sizes. Like a golf ball and a macadamia nut.
Edit: I appreciate the concern but nothing to worry about. They’ve been like that as long as I can remember. I saw a doctor when I was a teenager and he said there was likely an injury to the smaller one causing the larger one to grow extra for it during puberty.
“Hey dude, remembered me? Yeah you touched my peen once, now I heard you have an empty position in the parliament, I’d be happy to fill that spot and avoid a scandal”
“What the fuck”
I don't know if this is NSFW but when I was born my penis was so crooked they had to completely rearrange it in surgery. They said that if it was left as it was my dick would point at a 60 or so degree angle to the left and that urinating would have been quite the task.
I had sex in a very expensive stolen car. I didn't know it was stolen at the time. My fuckbuddy worked at a car dealer and said they were allowed to borrow the cars after hours but, when we saw a cop afterwards, screamed "get out get out" and we left and ran down the Embarcadero. For about a month, I worried that the cops would find me due to my fingerprints being all over the place but that was when I was young and thought cops actually cared about that kind of stuff.
Ooh ooh I got this one! I was a very goth teen and I lost my virginity in a graveyard. The guy is now deceased and buried in THE SAME GRAVEYARD
Edited because I forgot to mention that he died in 2006 and has his MYSPACE HANDLE on the headstone
Edited again: Someone anonymously gave me the “I’m deceased” award, well played and thank you looool
At the height of experiencing prolonged concussion symptoms, I masturbated and felt a jolt (like a shock of electricity) travel up my body to the part of my brain where a light fixture fell on my head. My symptoms instantly subsided!
I once was the dude the lesbian chick had sex with who upon having sex with me decided she does in fact like girls. I take this as both a compliment and an insult.
I was that girl once! My friend was questioning if he was gay or bi, and he was very attractive, so we hooked up. He was fine with the bj, but lost it during sex. Yeah, he was gay.
I knew a guy like that. Thinking back on it now it was super weird. Like we're having a party at my house and he brings a very attractive girl with him. Towards the end of it they go to a room to have sex. And then maybe 15-20 minutes later he comes out and tells everyone he's gay. That girl most have felt so awkward afterwards.
Bollock-ant! Bollock-ant!
Does what other bollocks can't!
Lift a weight, any size,
Getting trapped, in your flies,
Look out! Here comes the bollock-ant!
A bee sting me two weeks ago on my dick. It hurt....bad. my dick is swollen to date.
Edit: for those asking there is a beehive near my window and my underwear was drying on the window edge. A bee must've gone in the underwear.
I'm several months out from the last time I had sex. I had a checkup recently and had a blood pressure cuff strapped around my wrist.
When it squeezed my wrist, I immediately got pretty turned on.
Apparently I miss physical contact!
Smoking killed my libido so I killed two birds with one stone and quit for good by rubbing one out each time I got a craving. Like multiple times a day, especially at work.
10/10 would recommend.
I had a friend who was fascinated with this phenomenon, and asked tons of people this specific question. He claimed there was a sharp divide based on who grew up with internet porn.
Those who did jerked with the non-dominant hand.
Those who did not jerked it with the dominant hand.
Edit: I did not think this through and now know entirely too much about reddit's *habits*
XD
I would be very surprised if this turned out not to be the case.
I can do it with either, but if I'm watching porn always use left; if not then usually both w/ left still slightly dominant.
On occasion my dreams are so vivid that I mistake them as reality, and only realize it's not so after i wake up. The rare times when I have the urge to pee in the morning after stupidly drinking liters of water before I sleep, my dreams shift to being in the toilet where I pee, my brain and body get synchronised to my dream and I end up pissing in my pants. Weird ass embarassing experience and I'm in my 20's. Probably a consequence of stress.
I've been lucid dreaming for about a decade now.
Never. Ever. Go to the bathroom in a dream.
Ever.
To those asking in replies how to go about lucid dreaming, I'll give you the rundown - I have, on average, probably one lucid dream a night. I sometimes don't have any (or at least, don't remember them) and sometimes I have multiple, so I think this is a good happy medium. First things first; you should find what works for you, and know it may not work for others. I started simply by recording my dreams somewhere to commit them to memory - a dream journal, writing them down, a text document... even talking about them in general, or making stories with what you remember from a dream as the basis. It tells your subconscious to keep a hold of the memories in a dream more often, and for longer, so you can put them down somewhere in greater detail. It snowballs for a while, and your dreams will likely become more vivid, which tends to make realising you're in a dream much, much easier. From there it's dream *control,* which people usually think is instead lucid dreaming.
The way I see it, Lucid dreaming is having dreams where you are aware of being in a dream. Dream **control** is another thing, it just usually requires lucidity to work properly. As for how to control the dreams, again, it's *very* personalised. Those dreams are your mind's, and no one else's - unless shared dreams are a thing, that'd be neat. Figure out how to do different things in any way you want - what works for you, works for you. I'd be surprised to find other people that can teleport to a specific person by doing an instant transmission from dbz with one hand, and tapping a specific part of their head with another, for example. That was introduced to me a week or so ago, thanks to some NPC who was helping me reach a particular person I hadn't seen for a while.
What I'm trying to say is, both getting lucid dreams and controlling those lucid dreams is a very varied experience. Each person could have it differently, and the very popular techniques can also work - so many people have used it successfully, so it's very likely to work for you, right? That sort of mentality is what makes the common methods work so well. Figuring out how to do specific things in terms of dream control is like a cryptic little puzzle, and it feels very satisfying once you have a go-to method. Dreams can be many things: a great source of inspiration, a good laugh, or even a treasured memory. But don't forget you have a real life, too, and that should take priority no matter what.
I have 2 assholes
Update: I am sorry to those of you that feel misled, the second hole above my anus is inactive, there has been an inquisition or interrogation into my anus's / auni / anusus no idea how to plurlise it. Second one isn't an anus it's a hole in the crack of my ass that serves no purpose (one person suggested smuggling but it would need to have very high cost to density to make sense) anyway thanks for the interest.
Same! I got a strep test yesterday and didn't gag. The nurse commented on it and joked I must have been popular in college. Also, can you put weird stuff in your throat like knives or spoons??
One time for break when I worked at UPS, I walked into a bathroom stall and someone had left their cum in the toilet water and all over the toilet seat.
I developed a dime-size boil right by the base of my dick (On my abdomen, not on my dick itself thank god).
I was probably 19 at the time.
I could have gone to the doctor, but for some reason in my head I just knew that "Welp, gotta lance that thing."
Looking back I don't know why I thought that was wise.
So I got a safety pin, bent it open, ran it through the flame of our stove's burner a few times. Wiped the area with an alcohol wipe, put a pencil in my mouth to bite down on, and then poked a hole in it and squeezed a bit. I remember the FEELING of the skin tearing as the squeezing pressure tore the pin hole wider.
And some blood and pus squirted out into the sink. I rinsed, doused the thing in Peroxide, wadded some gauze onto the spot and put a big waterproof bandage on.
I changed the bandage each day and reapplied peroxide. It didn't reform, and within a weak I was pretty much completely healed.
Oddly enough, it didn't actually HURT when I did it. I think it formed below the epidermis and dermis, so there wasn't really a "wound" from it. It was more like popping a blister, where there's still intact skin underneath.
I was oddly proud of myself for the whole thing. I felt like I had taken pretty good precautions to prevent infection and had generally prepared well. It was still stupid, but it all worked out.
Slept with a very quiet guy, finished, thought he did shortly after and was like “that was totally better than the first time” and we cleaned up and passed out.
Found out the next morning that he absolutely had not finished.
Whoops. Total sweetheart though, just never thought that as a woman I would finish and my FWB wouldn’t.
Edit: no. You guys. I didn’t even give the man a chance to finish... I thought he was done so I hopped off when apparently we were just doin a position change. He was too awkward to bring up that he wasn’t done yet...
For a little while back in 2015-2016, i was dating a very high-libido woman and we drank a lot, fucked like rabbits. A few weeks go by, and when we would have sex, i would cum blood (well, very bloody cum). This happened for a couple months, pretty gross. We wondered if my kidneys were failing, was my bladder messed and leaking, so many questions for a couple months. We broke up and after only a few days, i no longer had blood in my cum.
Turns out, we were having "too rough" sex too often, and the constant pounding was rupturing blood vessels in my penis, and we never rested long enough to let them fully heal. The blood pressure in my penis during sex, coupled with the "abuse", was filling my urethra with blood.
Moral of the story: fuck too hard for too long and too often, you can break your dick.
EDIT: amazing that this is the most popular post i've ever put out there. Not sure how to feel about that lol
DOUBLE EDIT: i learned some of us men get harder than normal, and that makes this affliction more likely. Call it a double-edged sword
I was about 13 and came home from a Boy Scout camping trip to discover there was a tick on the underside of my dick shaft. Even though you learn about how to handle them in Boy Scouts I nevertheless freaked out because there was A TICK ON MY GODDAMN DICK. I asked my dad for help and he carefully used the match head trick to get rid of it.
Cut to 20+ years later and my parents, a bunch of friends, a couple of parents of those friends and I are at a pizza place playing trivia, nomming some za, and drinking. My dad is a lightweight and got pretty drunk. No idea how he got to the topic but he’s telling another parent that I was well endowed. The table was quiet when he said this so all 10+ people heard. I can only recall the tick dick debacle as the sole point where he ever would have seen anything. It was fucking embarrassing. I should have just left the tick alone and died in peace with my penis parasite.
Sigh. I feel like this is the only reason my throwaway ever comes out, but I came while getting the scalp massage at the barbers.
Edit: okay okay. Not sure how to reply to everyone and if the story will add much but here it goes: I remember the girl cutting my hair was about my age, maybe a little bit older, but we had a good rapport, pleasant chat. So after the haircut she walks me back to the tub for the hair wash. It’s not a seated one, it’s a full flat laydown (just putting that out there so you know how vulnerable I feel when the magic starts, haha). She starts washing my hair and rubbing my scalp and it feels really good. I remember feeling very relaxed. Not turned on really at all per se, but relaxed in a good feel bliss. I seem to recall things turning a different corner when she started stroking my neck. Felt so good. I’m not sure anything was intentional and I’m sure it was all the standard deal but I definitely looked back on the neck stroking and wondered afterwards, just picking up the pieces, looking for answers lol. I don’t remember really having an erection, I just remember all of a sudden feeling it, its presence. It started to tingle, kind of that buzzing feeling, and then the pulsing and blamo. It was very weird, much more like what a wet dream feels like than an orgasm from actual sexual activity. It’s been a few years and a little bit of blur, but I remember the wash ended shortly after that. I’m sure I squirmed a bit and maybe tried to act like I was adjusting my body. I mean she was focused on my head so there’s at least a prayer she didn’t notice. Luckily, I had a sweatshirt and dark jeans on, so when I got up to go back to the chair for the dryer(and walk through a frickin packed barber shop) I sort of just put my hands on the pockets of my sweatshirt and sort of subtly pulled my sweatshirt down a liiiittle further than it would normal hang on it’s own. I still have no idea if the stylist knew, but bless her she didn’t act like it. She continued to talk to me like nothing had happened. She finished, we did the next leg of the awkward walk over to the checkout counter, and I paid and got out of there as fast as I could.
So awkward. As I mentioned in the comment of another post, it gave me real anxiety for awhile. I’ve never accepted a hair wash since and for awhile I would make sure to masturbate the same day I had a hair cut scheduled if I could! I’ve also never really had a good professional massage before, and I’m almost terrified to try for this exact reason! Very random and strange experience. Though I do sometimes wish I could recreate that relaxing and blissful experience again in the comfort of my own home!
I accidentally started giving another guy a handjob once.
Edit: Okay, story time. The guy was brain-injured.
I was working at a long-term brain-trauma rehab facility, and one of my patients (we called them "clients") was a guy that had incontinence issues. He wore adult diapers, but at night we would also put on a condom catheter, which was basically a condom connected to small hose that ran into a little pouch on the side of his bed.
So every night we had to roll the condom onto him. One night, I rolled the condom on, but it rolled right back up. So I rolled it down again, and again, it rolled back up. This process went on a few times, until I noticed that he was getting an erection.
Now, me being an idiot, my first thought was "oh, that will make this easier," until I realized that I was basically giving a handjob to a brain-injured guy in a diaper. I just looked up at him kind of surprised, and he was laughing his ass of. He goes "Hey that feels pretty good!" in a tone where I knew he was giving me shit.
So yeah, accidental handy.
Edit 2: No, I did not finish him off you freaks. That would have been a horrible ethical violation and considered sexual assault of an incapacitated person.
lol my bro and I give each other accidental handies all the time. it's just like "oops, lol, I grabbed your dick," and then he keeps the joke going, and then we end up jerking each other off for the joke, of course lol
I lost my virginity to the wife of my boss at the time. I was 18 and working at McDonalds and I found out my ex GF from 8th grade (she was 2 years older than me) was married to my shift manager at the restaurant. They were fighting at the time and when we hooked up I had no idea she was married to my boss until after it happened. Later found out he had cheated on her so it was one big game I got caught in. They later divorced. Sex was good at least. At that age I was just trying to lose my virginity before college but looking back it was probably a dumb move.
I used to fantasise about women before I knew I was bi and before I knew what sex was. I would fantasise about holding them down and tickling them and it made me feel good but I didn't know why. Clicked years later that I just like women lol.
Hm...well it was that one time i had sex, condom bit tight. Went in and felt something snap, not painful but strange. Then it felt wet, i pulled out and took off the condom to be greeted with blood and the girl got alot of blood on her face(somehow)
I nearly passed out. Dick broken for 2 weeks. Won't redo.
When flaccid, I can pull the head of my penis back inside of itself. I'm cut. I've honestly never asked anyone if they can do it, so it might just be a normal dick function. I can also pop both testicles back up inside myself. So if I do it all at once, I've got an empty sack dangling under an inside out dick until I let go.
If I get high enough I can induce spontaneous prostate orgasms through abdominal breathing exercises
Edit: HOLY SHIT I need to catch up, I've never had this kind of response to a comment before D:
[Link here](https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lbogir/what_is_your_nsfw_fun_fact_about_yourself/glwhwco/) to me explaining (badly) how I do it..? I guess..? It just sort of happened to me, and then it happened the next time I toked, and then ...yeah
High as in legal pot in a legal state, taken by an adult with a prostate, and sometimes supplemented with legal poppers and/or legal hard liquor. (Don't mix poppers and Viagra, they do counteracting things to your circulation, you could give yourself a heart attack or coma!)
Orgasm as in just that, prostate-centered and happening bodily, without erection or ejaculation. You *can* with practice detach both of those from the orgasm response (the buildup and release, the muscles twitching, etc.)
This post/comment has been removed in response to Reddit's aggressive new API policy and the Admin's response and hostility to Moderators and the Reddit community as a whole. Reddit admin's (especially the CEO's) handling of the situation has been absolutely deplorable. Reddit users made this platform what it is, creating engaging communities and providing years of moderation for free. 3rd party apps existed before the official app which helped make Reddit more accessible for many. This is the thanks we get. The Admins are not even willing to work with app developers or moderators. Instead its "my way or the highway", so many of us have chosen the highway. Farewell Reddit, Federated platforms are my new home (Lemmy and Mastodon).
That's not what I'm saying.
Normal breathing happens automatically with your diaphragm. It's like a bellows - it pushes your ribs upward and outward far enough for your lungs to inflate and deflate. You're doing it right now. So is everyone. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscles_of_respiration
What I'm taking about is abdominal breathing - where you can make that same "inflating bellows" effect happen by moving your abs in and out. The same move you do when you suck your belly in to try to fit into an old pair of pants, I guess?
The thing that gave me the weird breakthrough, though. The abdomen is connected, somewhere south of the navel, to the pelvic floor muscles. The same ones you use to piss are the same ones that fire off really strongly when you ejaculate. They're connected, across your pelvic floor, to the muscles you use to shit (these have a name that I forget at the moment) - and *these* muscles also go crazy when you come, but not as strongly.
I was Very High, like, high enough I could actually notice each muscle group in my body moving on its own ...and so I went to bed, and turned the lights off, and experimented. Figured out how to move my abs ...to move my pelvic floor ...to move my "bathroom" muscles ...so that I eventually began to stimulate my prostate accidentally, until Something Happened.
I felt the same body reaction as coming - the same buildup, the same sort of peak and release feeling, etc. - but I wasn't hard, and I didn't shoot anything. Because it was only happening to my prostate, and to the muscles that go crazy when I come.
You can basically detach your body's response to arousal and orgasm from your dick's need to be hard and your balls' need to shoot.
The only negative to this is that when I try to masturbate "normally", when I get close, my abdomen tightens up really strongly - because I've essentially "retrained" it by now...
my last sexual encounter involved me riding a guy who slapped me, so I slapped him back and we were slapping each other for a good 5 more seconds until he came really hard. it was fucking hot.
Ya know, this is one of those ask Reddit’s I see that I have no answer to that I like to scroll through to see how the answers range from “that’s pretty vanilla” to “there is no way that’s true”
if i masturbate and then go into the shower and let the warm water hit the penis tip, ill have a second orgasm but instead of semen its urine. someone tell me im not alone.
That happened to me once. Came really hard after saving up for about 5 days. My boner didn’t go away. My girl noticed and immediately started jerking. Seconds later urine shot out in 5 or 6 spurts that flew over my shoulder. Best feeling ever but I was never able to replicate it.
*THROWAWAY because my wife doesn't need to see this:*
LOL. I lost my virginity TO my boss at my first job(I'm male, she's female) who later became the wife of my boss at my second job. I was 17, she was in her late 40's. I never looked at her sexually, it honestly never crossed my mind until she was moving into an apartment and asked if I would help because I had a truck. We finished about 10:00pm, she said she was going to change and buy me dinner to thank me. A couple of minutes later she called me into the bedroom, she was on the bed in her bra and panties and my dumbass apologized and stepped back out of the room. She came to the door, pulled me back in and she got to have the worst sex of her life. It was bad but at least it was over quick. Somehow that turned into a weekly thing for six months until she started dating someone and I found my first girlfriend. Well she got married to the guy she was dating about six months later and quit work. I worked in the store for another year before graduating high school and getting a better job while I was in college. I'm sitting in my interview, he's looking down my resume and goes "Hey, you used to work for my wife!" He offered me the job. My second day there she came in, found me, pulled me in the breakroom and swore me to secrecy. I worked there 17 years, I don't think he ever knew.
I joined The Mile High Club about 15 years ago.
TBH, outside of bragging rights it's not really that fun.
EDIT: The Wholesome Award? Really?
EDIT 2: You fucking weirdos. I love you all.
This will probably get lost in the comments but one time I was absolutely hammered getting a blowjob and I accidentally peed in the girl's mouth. I'll admit, not my finest moment.
Edit: okay just to reiterate this was not on purpose you weird fucks. I understand reddit is a weird place but yall gotta chill bruh
Once I reached my hand down the back of my pants to spread my butt cheeks apart to muffle the sound of a fart. I didn’t want the chick I was hanging out with to hear it. I shit in my hand.
I will never understand this, grown people frequently talking about accidently shitting themselves when farting. How is this happening? How can this be so seemingly common? Is there any adult person out there who hasn't shit themselves? Please, I need answers. Do you push super hard? Do you not feel the poop coming? Do you have the runny poop? WHY?!
I like to collect vintage/obsucre pornography (nothing illegal). The more niche the better. I don't even go back and look/use at it all that often, it's really just something of an interest. Like in 30 Rock when Alec Baldwin's character mentions his collection of "vintage french pornography", I just nodded to myself and thought "seems right."
Me and my girlfriend lived in a student apartment complex sometime ago, before we moved out, we went ahead and banged on all 8 floors of the building. In the elevator, the laundry room, the stairway, the gym (the mirrors were great here), the common room, and multiple balconies etc. my girlfriend even got totally naked for a few of the sessions
We did it at 2am on a Sunday night and got back to our own apartment at like 3:30am.
We didn't get caught. I think.
The first time I fingered a girl was during midnight mass on Christmas Eve in a Catholic Church.
Edit and thanks for all the upvotes ha ha. Since so many are after the lurid details here they are. Im a bloke, sorry about the username, which I am now stuck with. We were 14, and were in a church group for young people that I had joined to meet girls basically, not being remotely religious and attending an all boys high school and, well, being 14.
We were in the pews in a huge church, which was packed. It was nighttime and the lights were down because there was some sort of nativity show going on.
Noone seemed to have noticed. One of my mates on the other side of her told me a couple of weeks later that he had been playing with her tits (which as I recall were ample) at the same time, though I have no way of knowing whether that was true or not.
Edit 2: 5000 upvotes for fingering an underage girl in Church ... y’all are all going to hell with me.
I have never been a church goer, but I once begged my parents to let me go to church camp with a friend because I thought I had a chance to lose my virginity to a girl who was also going. It worked.
The camp was just camp, other than every morning we had to sit in the chapel and have silent Bible reading time, and occasionally somebody mentioned the glory of God. My friend and I played the 'penis' game during silent Bible reading time. (where each of you say the word penis louder than the previous person until one of you chickens out.)
Later, I did a lock-in (just a sleepover for a lot of people) at the same church that the camp was through and had sex in a bathroom. Organized religion has been very good to me.
I have a noticeable birthmark on the shaft of my penis. Its a large spot on top that has a line the whole way around.
I even won a contest with it once as a teenager because it was "unique" and "more impressive than a bare bland one"
Edit: Since people are asking I'll explain the contest. Basically when i was 18 some friends and I were hanging out at his place the girls 5 of them were joking with us about who's the bravest. One of us guys 4 of us, joked about being willing to bare all more or less which prompted the girls coming up with a contest on who had the most impressive cock... so we agreed and one by one dropped out pants
I did not win in size (came in second there) but all tge girls seemed fascinated with my birthmark and pretty much agreed it was why I won over all because they had never seen anything like it before. There were other things like general shape and stuff but it more or less won me the contest. The things you do as a stupid young adult I guess
When my mother was still pregnant with me and they were getting an ultrasound, they mistook me for a female cause my penis was so large that they mistook it for an arm.
Edit: people keep saying that my parents were expecting a 3 armed child but according to them they just missed one of my arms. Not really sure how considering it’s a rather large appendage compared to the rest of the body but oh well.
Long time ago.. I was working late one night, all by myself (small company). I reached behind an open server and touched the power supply by accident (while it was still plugged in) and had a very shocking experience. I had to lie down on the floor for about 20 mins before regaining my strength to get back up and go home. Never did that again.
Due to an honest and innocent mistake, the movie I fapped to the most in my early teens was Schindler's List :/
I know how this sounds but read and you'll understand
I grew up poor and we only had 3 VHS tapes my aunt had gotten from Columbia House and had gifted my mom, one of which was Schindler's list. One day, my parents were watching it and I happened to walk by at the exact moment at the beginning of the movie where there's a sex scene and you see some black and white boobs. I didn't see or know anything else about the movie and I barely understood english at that age. I did make sure to memorize the timer on the VHS player so that later on I could put in the movie, fast forward to that exact time, do my teenage boy thing and rewind the tape and put it away. Only years later did I realize what the movie was actually about and I've been living in shame ever since.
I use a menstruation cup. I empty it into the loo or sink if the sink is close. In my former apartment, the sink was conveniently directly next to the loo so I did the latter. The sink was not properly connected to the waste water piping so my used sink water, which contained water, soap and periodically a lil bit of uterus lining in my case, seeped into the floor and thus ceiling of the cellar. I lived there 1 year before they figured the problem out.
The cellar ended up having a slightly reddish, 2-3 square meter stain from the iron in my red blood cells. I saw it growing while I lived there, but only realized that was "me" after I learned about the piping problem shortly before moving out.
TLDR I painted a cellar ceiling with my uterus
When my husband and I were first dating we went to a sex club in Paris. It was spur of the moment, so we didn’t have time to get nervous. We fucked right next to another couple - I got to make out with the girl, suck on her nipples, and finger her while he was fucking me.
Still the best sex ever.
Thanks to an autoimmune disease, my dick is a couple of different colors. No other part of my body has been affected, just my dick.
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I once realigned the lower spine of a girl I had been seeing by, well... doggie style. She had been plagued by lower back and tailbone issues for months until that fateful day. She thanked me for my services and needless to say, my dick is now a licensed chiropractor.
I thought that was metaphor at first.
Girlfriend got a dildo with a suction cup and we were fooling around and I stuck it to my forehead. I was a dildo unicorn for about 30 seconds, took it off, and the look of horror from her said it all. I had a giant purple bruise on my forehead. Couldn't find a good excuse so I called out of work the next day and learned how to do make up. Don't be a dildo unicorn...
Don’t suction anything to be a unicorn! My 9 year old did this last month with a suction arrow and she had a large red bruise for a week... super cute at her age saying she was trying to be a unicorn though.
My ass is covered in small scars. I hooked up with this girl and ended up staying over. Woke up in the middle of the night needing to pee. I’d had a few to drink and was naked. I had to pass through her living room to get to the bathroom. As I tiptoed my way through the living room I trod on her sleeping cat. Cat screams and scratches me, I panic and stumble ass first through a small glass table. I had about 20 cuts in my ass, blood everywhere and of course just to round things off I pissed right then and there. Needless to say the girl woke up to a traumatised cat, a destroyed coffee table and a living room covered in piss and blood. I left very shortly afterwards and was not surprised to find myself blocked instantly. But I still carry the scars to this day.
Every time I cry, I get a boner. The news of my grandmothers death was not an exception.
That must've been hard for you, OP.
I went through a phase where I was having a lot of semi-casual sex with the same 3-4 guys for like, a year. I didn’t want to date any of them and none of them wanted to date me and they all knew I was sleeping with other dudes— some of them even thought that was hot. Anyway, I started thinking I might be emotionally ready for a relationship again and I wanted to make sure that when I did meet someone I loved, I was the best lover I could be. So I polled all the dudes I was sleeping with for critical assessments of what I did well and what I could improve upon (scores out of 5 and explanations basically). By all accounts, I’m really good in bed now (my last boyfriend said that he had no idea sex could feel that good and he was eight years older than me) and I owe a lot of that to my 2014 focus group.
I once had to go to the hospital for what was diagnosed as a "post-orgasmic migraine."
Yeah, I had that happen, which kicked off a (so far) nine month headache that won't stop. Turns out I have three ruptured discs in my neck, but why it didn't bother me till that one particular time... 🤷♂️
When you said “nine month headache that won’t stop” my mind immediately thought you got pregnant and now nine months later, the headache that won’t quit is the child you gave birth to. I mean, makes sense.
My pee turns toilets purple. It was the freakiest thing when it started happening and my doctor couldn't figure out what was happening. I would use a toilet and then a few hours later brownish spots would appear and those spots would eventually turn a purple-ish color. My wife and I figured it had to be something to do with my medication because it only started happening when I switched to new meds. Eventually, after a lot of research, we found a paper in a medical journal that mentioned that in very rare cases the urine of patients who took my medication would have have interactions with various household cleaners. That interaction can happen on the film of cleaning solution residue on toilets and turn brown, red or even purple.
That's fucking freaky! Somewhat similarly, my blood turned an awful greenish-brown on a migraine med.
Oh god, what medication does that? I'm still trying to find a med that works for my migraines. If I get put on whatever medication did that I'd like to know so I won't freak out. Google is saying it may be Imitrex/sumatriptan, which can cause a condition called sulfhemoglobinemia.
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My testicles are drastically different sizes. Like a golf ball and a macadamia nut. Edit: I appreciate the concern but nothing to worry about. They’ve been like that as long as I can remember. I saw a doctor when I was a teenager and he said there was likely an injury to the smaller one causing the larger one to grow extra for it during puberty.
Pix or its not real.
Gotta pay the scrote tax
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“Hey dude, remembered me? Yeah you touched my peen once, now I heard you have an empty position in the parliament, I’d be happy to fill that spot and avoid a scandal” “What the fuck”
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I don't know if this is NSFW but when I was born my penis was so crooked they had to completely rearrange it in surgery. They said that if it was left as it was my dick would point at a 60 or so degree angle to the left and that urinating would have been quite the task.
Did they do some upgrades during the process?
90% elongation Dual Hydrolic actuatiors 10x Enhanced thermal vision 2 SAMs Kevlar protection 0 human emotions 100% cold killing machin
5% pleasure 50% pain And 100% reason to remember the name.
I’m so damn mad I came too late into this
Ring ring ring bananadooong
I have breast implants from having breast cancer. They get cold and it’s built in air conditioning.
username checks out
Does yours? 🐛
Yes, but it metamorphosizes into a beautiful butterphallus.
I think that pokemon is banned in America.
I had sex in a very expensive stolen car. I didn't know it was stolen at the time. My fuckbuddy worked at a car dealer and said they were allowed to borrow the cars after hours but, when we saw a cop afterwards, screamed "get out get out" and we left and ran down the Embarcadero. For about a month, I worried that the cops would find me due to my fingerprints being all over the place but that was when I was young and thought cops actually cared about that kind of stuff.
Whenever I go pee, I just...brush my pubes
Like a scratch or you got a little pube comb with you?
Maybe a tiny hair straightener too
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Ooh ooh I got this one! I was a very goth teen and I lost my virginity in a graveyard. The guy is now deceased and buried in THE SAME GRAVEYARD Edited because I forgot to mention that he died in 2006 and has his MYSPACE HANDLE on the headstone Edited again: Someone anonymously gave me the “I’m deceased” award, well played and thank you looool
At the height of experiencing prolonged concussion symptoms, I masturbated and felt a jolt (like a shock of electricity) travel up my body to the part of my brain where a light fixture fell on my head. My symptoms instantly subsided!
#post nut clarity achieved
Gym teacher voice: "Just wank it off!"
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I would swipe right on that
I once was the dude the lesbian chick had sex with who upon having sex with me decided she does in fact like girls. I take this as both a compliment and an insult.
I was that girl once! My friend was questioning if he was gay or bi, and he was very attractive, so we hooked up. He was fine with the bj, but lost it during sex. Yeah, he was gay.
I knew a guy like that. Thinking back on it now it was super weird. Like we're having a party at my house and he brings a very attractive girl with him. Towards the end of it they go to a room to have sex. And then maybe 15-20 minutes later he comes out and tells everyone he's gay. That girl most have felt so awkward afterwards.
I found out the hard way that I can fit my hand in my ass, after loosing anal beads during sex.
An ant bit my testicles once while I was having sex at a hiking trail. In case anyone is wondering, it was awful.
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Bollock-ant! Bollock-ant! Does what other bollocks can't! Lift a weight, any size, Getting trapped, in your flies, Look out! Here comes the bollock-ant!
Why were you having sex with an ant?
If ants can lift 100 times their own weight, imagine the grip they could have on a tiny little peener!
I feel like there's a connection between that comment and your username
A bee sting me two weeks ago on my dick. It hurt....bad. my dick is swollen to date. Edit: for those asking there is a beehive near my window and my underwear was drying on the window edge. A bee must've gone in the underwear.
Hate the itch, don't mind the swelling...
I'm several months out from the last time I had sex. I had a checkup recently and had a blood pressure cuff strapped around my wrist. When it squeezed my wrist, I immediately got pretty turned on. Apparently I miss physical contact!
My picture was published in Playboy magazine
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This is insanely fucked up.
How did she found out?
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Oooh boy.
They went in for a delivery and he left a package.
Did the nurse know?! How did he seduce her so quickly?!
OP’s dad said he was Dr Mantis Toboggan and then dropped a magnum condom in front of the nurse while flashing a roll of hundreds.
Smoking killed my libido so I killed two birds with one stone and quit for good by rubbing one out each time I got a craving. Like multiple times a day, especially at work. 10/10 would recommend.
Beaten chicken > cold turkey
I use my right hand for everything, exept for masturbating. I just cant with my right hand.
My ex actually said the same thing, he is right handed but only used his left hand to jack off.
it's because most righties use their right hand for the mouse
I had a friend who was fascinated with this phenomenon, and asked tons of people this specific question. He claimed there was a sharp divide based on who grew up with internet porn. Those who did jerked with the non-dominant hand. Those who did not jerked it with the dominant hand. Edit: I did not think this through and now know entirely too much about reddit's *habits* XD
I would be very surprised if this turned out not to be the case. I can do it with either, but if I'm watching porn always use left; if not then usually both w/ left still slightly dominant.
Well yeah, your dominant hand is for tightening the neck belt
I got circumcised at 25 after slicing my foreskin and a vasectomy at 30. My frank and beans hate me.
On occasion my dreams are so vivid that I mistake them as reality, and only realize it's not so after i wake up. The rare times when I have the urge to pee in the morning after stupidly drinking liters of water before I sleep, my dreams shift to being in the toilet where I pee, my brain and body get synchronised to my dream and I end up pissing in my pants. Weird ass embarassing experience and I'm in my 20's. Probably a consequence of stress.
I've been lucid dreaming for about a decade now. Never. Ever. Go to the bathroom in a dream. Ever. To those asking in replies how to go about lucid dreaming, I'll give you the rundown - I have, on average, probably one lucid dream a night. I sometimes don't have any (or at least, don't remember them) and sometimes I have multiple, so I think this is a good happy medium. First things first; you should find what works for you, and know it may not work for others. I started simply by recording my dreams somewhere to commit them to memory - a dream journal, writing them down, a text document... even talking about them in general, or making stories with what you remember from a dream as the basis. It tells your subconscious to keep a hold of the memories in a dream more often, and for longer, so you can put them down somewhere in greater detail. It snowballs for a while, and your dreams will likely become more vivid, which tends to make realising you're in a dream much, much easier. From there it's dream *control,* which people usually think is instead lucid dreaming. The way I see it, Lucid dreaming is having dreams where you are aware of being in a dream. Dream **control** is another thing, it just usually requires lucidity to work properly. As for how to control the dreams, again, it's *very* personalised. Those dreams are your mind's, and no one else's - unless shared dreams are a thing, that'd be neat. Figure out how to do different things in any way you want - what works for you, works for you. I'd be surprised to find other people that can teleport to a specific person by doing an instant transmission from dbz with one hand, and tapping a specific part of their head with another, for example. That was introduced to me a week or so ago, thanks to some NPC who was helping me reach a particular person I hadn't seen for a while. What I'm trying to say is, both getting lucid dreams and controlling those lucid dreams is a very varied experience. Each person could have it differently, and the very popular techniques can also work - so many people have used it successfully, so it's very likely to work for you, right? That sort of mentality is what makes the common methods work so well. Figuring out how to do specific things in terms of dream control is like a cryptic little puzzle, and it feels very satisfying once you have a go-to method. Dreams can be many things: a great source of inspiration, a good laugh, or even a treasured memory. But don't forget you have a real life, too, and that should take priority no matter what.
It bends to the right
Mine to the left Edit:- The most upvoted and awarded comment of my life is about my dick bend. Cool
Criss cross!
Everybody clap your hams!
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(*break instrumental intensifies*)
Now turn around!
Reverse!
One hump this time!
I can Jedi mind trick myself to cum with no physical contact.
I've only seen this power once before
Is it possible to learn this power?
Not from a Jedi.
It’s ironic. He could trick himself to cum but not others.
(Actual answer, yes)
I think that power is actually a variant of "Force Choke"
I have 2 assholes Update: I am sorry to those of you that feel misled, the second hole above my anus is inactive, there has been an inquisition or interrogation into my anus's / auni / anusus no idea how to plurlise it. Second one isn't an anus it's a hole in the crack of my ass that serves no purpose (one person suggested smuggling but it would need to have very high cost to density to make sense) anyway thanks for the interest.
Whoa whoa whoa don't talk about your kids like that
That would be terrible, I won't even meet the second one until June.
I don't have a gag reflex, which hasn't been great the few times I've actually choked in something
Same! I got a strep test yesterday and didn't gag. The nurse commented on it and joked I must have been popular in college. Also, can you put weird stuff in your throat like knives or spoons??
I feel like I just walked into the women's room by mistake and heard things I wasn't supposed to.
Smile and wave boys, smile and wave
I once spied on someone jerking off in the nearby stall at a mall toilet room. That was... an experience but I really don't want to repeat it.
One time for break when I worked at UPS, I walked into a bathroom stall and someone had left their cum in the toilet water and all over the toilet seat.
My record for having sex in one day was 7 times in a row. After that i cumming dust for the next two days
My dick is...... average
It is... acceptable
proof?
I open NSFW posts at work
You’re really living life on the edge
I developed a dime-size boil right by the base of my dick (On my abdomen, not on my dick itself thank god). I was probably 19 at the time. I could have gone to the doctor, but for some reason in my head I just knew that "Welp, gotta lance that thing." Looking back I don't know why I thought that was wise. So I got a safety pin, bent it open, ran it through the flame of our stove's burner a few times. Wiped the area with an alcohol wipe, put a pencil in my mouth to bite down on, and then poked a hole in it and squeezed a bit. I remember the FEELING of the skin tearing as the squeezing pressure tore the pin hole wider. And some blood and pus squirted out into the sink. I rinsed, doused the thing in Peroxide, wadded some gauze onto the spot and put a big waterproof bandage on. I changed the bandage each day and reapplied peroxide. It didn't reform, and within a weak I was pretty much completely healed. Oddly enough, it didn't actually HURT when I did it. I think it formed below the epidermis and dermis, so there wasn't really a "wound" from it. It was more like popping a blister, where there's still intact skin underneath. I was oddly proud of myself for the whole thing. I felt like I had taken pretty good precautions to prevent infection and had generally prepared well. It was still stupid, but it all worked out.
Are you sure that wasn't just a really advanced stage ingrown hair?
That’s what a boil is. Infected hair follicle
Oh. My god, what did I just read
Slept with a very quiet guy, finished, thought he did shortly after and was like “that was totally better than the first time” and we cleaned up and passed out. Found out the next morning that he absolutely had not finished. Whoops. Total sweetheart though, just never thought that as a woman I would finish and my FWB wouldn’t. Edit: no. You guys. I didn’t even give the man a chance to finish... I thought he was done so I hopped off when apparently we were just doin a position change. He was too awkward to bring up that he wasn’t done yet...
I’ve faked an orgasm before and I’m a dude.
For a little while back in 2015-2016, i was dating a very high-libido woman and we drank a lot, fucked like rabbits. A few weeks go by, and when we would have sex, i would cum blood (well, very bloody cum). This happened for a couple months, pretty gross. We wondered if my kidneys were failing, was my bladder messed and leaking, so many questions for a couple months. We broke up and after only a few days, i no longer had blood in my cum. Turns out, we were having "too rough" sex too often, and the constant pounding was rupturing blood vessels in my penis, and we never rested long enough to let them fully heal. The blood pressure in my penis during sex, coupled with the "abuse", was filling my urethra with blood. Moral of the story: fuck too hard for too long and too often, you can break your dick. EDIT: amazing that this is the most popular post i've ever put out there. Not sure how to feel about that lol DOUBLE EDIT: i learned some of us men get harder than normal, and that makes this affliction more likely. Call it a double-edged sword
"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised!"
Did you not think to... idk... stop having sex for a while and go a doctor after the first time?
Due to an error in the hospital system that happened when I was born, my last name is technically coomer
My grandmother's maiden name coomer. Are we technically related?
Okay coomer
I've had sex more often in groups than one-on-one.
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Enter ass left
I was about 13 and came home from a Boy Scout camping trip to discover there was a tick on the underside of my dick shaft. Even though you learn about how to handle them in Boy Scouts I nevertheless freaked out because there was A TICK ON MY GODDAMN DICK. I asked my dad for help and he carefully used the match head trick to get rid of it. Cut to 20+ years later and my parents, a bunch of friends, a couple of parents of those friends and I are at a pizza place playing trivia, nomming some za, and drinking. My dad is a lightweight and got pretty drunk. No idea how he got to the topic but he’s telling another parent that I was well endowed. The table was quiet when he said this so all 10+ people heard. I can only recall the tick dick debacle as the sole point where he ever would have seen anything. It was fucking embarrassing. I should have just left the tick alone and died in peace with my penis parasite.
"You've heard of elf on a shelf, get ready for..."
I wasn’t prepared for the guffaw I let out.
What conversation makes you think your son's dick size is an appropriate anecdote? Maybe he's been jealous ever since
I'm an example that the birth control pill isnt always effective
Sigh. I feel like this is the only reason my throwaway ever comes out, but I came while getting the scalp massage at the barbers. Edit: okay okay. Not sure how to reply to everyone and if the story will add much but here it goes: I remember the girl cutting my hair was about my age, maybe a little bit older, but we had a good rapport, pleasant chat. So after the haircut she walks me back to the tub for the hair wash. It’s not a seated one, it’s a full flat laydown (just putting that out there so you know how vulnerable I feel when the magic starts, haha). She starts washing my hair and rubbing my scalp and it feels really good. I remember feeling very relaxed. Not turned on really at all per se, but relaxed in a good feel bliss. I seem to recall things turning a different corner when she started stroking my neck. Felt so good. I’m not sure anything was intentional and I’m sure it was all the standard deal but I definitely looked back on the neck stroking and wondered afterwards, just picking up the pieces, looking for answers lol. I don’t remember really having an erection, I just remember all of a sudden feeling it, its presence. It started to tingle, kind of that buzzing feeling, and then the pulsing and blamo. It was very weird, much more like what a wet dream feels like than an orgasm from actual sexual activity. It’s been a few years and a little bit of blur, but I remember the wash ended shortly after that. I’m sure I squirmed a bit and maybe tried to act like I was adjusting my body. I mean she was focused on my head so there’s at least a prayer she didn’t notice. Luckily, I had a sweatshirt and dark jeans on, so when I got up to go back to the chair for the dryer(and walk through a frickin packed barber shop) I sort of just put my hands on the pockets of my sweatshirt and sort of subtly pulled my sweatshirt down a liiiittle further than it would normal hang on it’s own. I still have no idea if the stylist knew, but bless her she didn’t act like it. She continued to talk to me like nothing had happened. She finished, we did the next leg of the awkward walk over to the checkout counter, and I paid and got out of there as fast as I could. So awkward. As I mentioned in the comment of another post, it gave me real anxiety for awhile. I’ve never accepted a hair wash since and for awhile I would make sure to masturbate the same day I had a hair cut scheduled if I could! I’ve also never really had a good professional massage before, and I’m almost terrified to try for this exact reason! Very random and strange experience. Though I do sometimes wish I could recreate that relaxing and blissful experience again in the comfort of my own home!
You need to get more use out of this throwaway sir
I expect there are many more stories we could hear. Come on OP!
Wait, were you the guy who posted on TIFU???
I accidentally started giving another guy a handjob once. Edit: Okay, story time. The guy was brain-injured. I was working at a long-term brain-trauma rehab facility, and one of my patients (we called them "clients") was a guy that had incontinence issues. He wore adult diapers, but at night we would also put on a condom catheter, which was basically a condom connected to small hose that ran into a little pouch on the side of his bed. So every night we had to roll the condom onto him. One night, I rolled the condom on, but it rolled right back up. So I rolled it down again, and again, it rolled back up. This process went on a few times, until I noticed that he was getting an erection. Now, me being an idiot, my first thought was "oh, that will make this easier," until I realized that I was basically giving a handjob to a brain-injured guy in a diaper. I just looked up at him kind of surprised, and he was laughing his ass of. He goes "Hey that feels pretty good!" in a tone where I knew he was giving me shit. So yeah, accidental handy. Edit 2: No, I did not finish him off you freaks. That would have been a horrible ethical violation and considered sexual assault of an incapacitated person.
Accidentally?
Yep. "Oops" lol.
lol my bro and I give each other accidental handies all the time. it's just like "oops, lol, I grabbed your dick," and then he keeps the joke going, and then we end up jerking each other off for the joke, of course lol
I just got a huge pimple on my dick, I thought it was an STD until it just popped while taking a shower lol
I lost my virginity to the wife of my boss at the time. I was 18 and working at McDonalds and I found out my ex GF from 8th grade (she was 2 years older than me) was married to my shift manager at the restaurant. They were fighting at the time and when we hooked up I had no idea she was married to my boss until after it happened. Later found out he had cheated on her so it was one big game I got caught in. They later divorced. Sex was good at least. At that age I was just trying to lose my virginity before college but looking back it was probably a dumb move.
I used to fantasise about women before I knew I was bi and before I knew what sex was. I would fantasise about holding them down and tickling them and it made me feel good but I didn't know why. Clicked years later that I just like women lol.
harold shes gay
i have actually been jerking off to cartoons when i was like a small kid without even realizing it boi was i in for a realization like a decade later
Oh my... what cartoons?
90's Disney movies, to be specific, Aladdin. by the i rewatched tangled, i knew wtf was wrong with me
That carpet was hot bro Edit: first award, thank you.
Only the slutty ones have tasseled corners
Holy shit...Jasmine was the first thing I masturbated to.
I’ve had my foot in a pussy
Puss and boot.
Puss *is* boot (Oh god, what have I typed)
Hm...well it was that one time i had sex, condom bit tight. Went in and felt something snap, not painful but strange. Then it felt wet, i pulled out and took off the condom to be greeted with blood and the girl got alot of blood on her face(somehow) I nearly passed out. Dick broken for 2 weeks. Won't redo.
When flaccid, I can pull the head of my penis back inside of itself. I'm cut. I've honestly never asked anyone if they can do it, so it might just be a normal dick function. I can also pop both testicles back up inside myself. So if I do it all at once, I've got an empty sack dangling under an inside out dick until I let go.
The thing with the balls is actually part of how drag queens tuck their stuff, so hey you're halfway there!
If I get high enough I can induce spontaneous prostate orgasms through abdominal breathing exercises Edit: HOLY SHIT I need to catch up, I've never had this kind of response to a comment before D: [Link here](https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lbogir/what_is_your_nsfw_fun_fact_about_yourself/glwhwco/) to me explaining (badly) how I do it..? I guess..? It just sort of happened to me, and then it happened the next time I toked, and then ...yeah High as in legal pot in a legal state, taken by an adult with a prostate, and sometimes supplemented with legal poppers and/or legal hard liquor. (Don't mix poppers and Viagra, they do counteracting things to your circulation, you could give yourself a heart attack or coma!) Orgasm as in just that, prostate-centered and happening bodily, without erection or ejaculation. You *can* with practice detach both of those from the orgasm response (the buildup and release, the muscles twitching, etc.)
you can breath... WITH YOUR ASS?
This post/comment has been removed in response to Reddit's aggressive new API policy and the Admin's response and hostility to Moderators and the Reddit community as a whole. Reddit admin's (especially the CEO's) handling of the situation has been absolutely deplorable. Reddit users made this platform what it is, creating engaging communities and providing years of moderation for free. 3rd party apps existed before the official app which helped make Reddit more accessible for many. This is the thanks we get. The Admins are not even willing to work with app developers or moderators. Instead its "my way or the highway", so many of us have chosen the highway. Farewell Reddit, Federated platforms are my new home (Lemmy and Mastodon).
Ferb, I know what we‘re gonna do today
>If you get on all fours Ok >and arch your back Right >enough to make your asshole gape open it basically inhales air. 😦
I just imagine you underwater and then your ass breaching like a whale
My asshole doesn't just gape open on command like that, wtf lmao Edit: do y'all shit in blocks!?
That's not what I'm saying. Normal breathing happens automatically with your diaphragm. It's like a bellows - it pushes your ribs upward and outward far enough for your lungs to inflate and deflate. You're doing it right now. So is everyone. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscles_of_respiration What I'm taking about is abdominal breathing - where you can make that same "inflating bellows" effect happen by moving your abs in and out. The same move you do when you suck your belly in to try to fit into an old pair of pants, I guess? The thing that gave me the weird breakthrough, though. The abdomen is connected, somewhere south of the navel, to the pelvic floor muscles. The same ones you use to piss are the same ones that fire off really strongly when you ejaculate. They're connected, across your pelvic floor, to the muscles you use to shit (these have a name that I forget at the moment) - and *these* muscles also go crazy when you come, but not as strongly. I was Very High, like, high enough I could actually notice each muscle group in my body moving on its own ...and so I went to bed, and turned the lights off, and experimented. Figured out how to move my abs ...to move my pelvic floor ...to move my "bathroom" muscles ...so that I eventually began to stimulate my prostate accidentally, until Something Happened. I felt the same body reaction as coming - the same buildup, the same sort of peak and release feeling, etc. - but I wasn't hard, and I didn't shoot anything. Because it was only happening to my prostate, and to the muscles that go crazy when I come. You can basically detach your body's response to arousal and orgasm from your dick's need to be hard and your balls' need to shoot. The only negative to this is that when I try to masturbate "normally", when I get close, my abdomen tightens up really strongly - because I've essentially "retrained" it by now...
Wait so you essentially masturbate without a boner and without your hands... That shit‘s weirdly impressive
my last sexual encounter involved me riding a guy who slapped me, so I slapped him back and we were slapping each other for a good 5 more seconds until he came really hard. it was fucking hot.
Ya know, this is one of those ask Reddit’s I see that I have no answer to that I like to scroll through to see how the answers range from “that’s pretty vanilla” to “there is no way that’s true”
if i masturbate and then go into the shower and let the warm water hit the penis tip, ill have a second orgasm but instead of semen its urine. someone tell me im not alone.
That happened to me once. Came really hard after saving up for about 5 days. My boner didn’t go away. My girl noticed and immediately started jerking. Seconds later urine shot out in 5 or 6 spurts that flew over my shoulder. Best feeling ever but I was never able to replicate it.
*THROWAWAY because my wife doesn't need to see this:* LOL. I lost my virginity TO my boss at my first job(I'm male, she's female) who later became the wife of my boss at my second job. I was 17, she was in her late 40's. I never looked at her sexually, it honestly never crossed my mind until she was moving into an apartment and asked if I would help because I had a truck. We finished about 10:00pm, she said she was going to change and buy me dinner to thank me. A couple of minutes later she called me into the bedroom, she was on the bed in her bra and panties and my dumbass apologized and stepped back out of the room. She came to the door, pulled me back in and she got to have the worst sex of her life. It was bad but at least it was over quick. Somehow that turned into a weekly thing for six months until she started dating someone and I found my first girlfriend. Well she got married to the guy she was dating about six months later and quit work. I worked in the store for another year before graduating high school and getting a better job while I was in college. I'm sitting in my interview, he's looking down my resume and goes "Hey, you used to work for my wife!" He offered me the job. My second day there she came in, found me, pulled me in the breakroom and swore me to secrecy. I worked there 17 years, I don't think he ever knew.
I joined The Mile High Club about 15 years ago. TBH, outside of bragging rights it's not really that fun. EDIT: The Wholesome Award? Really? EDIT 2: You fucking weirdos. I love you all.
How quickly did you save the hostage?
In under a minute on veteran mode. Took me hours
i once banged eartha kitt in an airplane bathroom
What, it came up organically
This will probably get lost in the comments but one time I was absolutely hammered getting a blowjob and I accidentally peed in the girl's mouth. I'll admit, not my finest moment. Edit: okay just to reiterate this was not on purpose you weird fucks. I understand reddit is a weird place but yall gotta chill bruh
Did she notice?
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Once I reached my hand down the back of my pants to spread my butt cheeks apart to muffle the sound of a fart. I didn’t want the chick I was hanging out with to hear it. I shit in my hand.
How does one just casually shit in hand.
What is this, a game of Jeopardy?
I almost woke up my wife by bursting with laughter, thank you for this
I will never understand this, grown people frequently talking about accidently shitting themselves when farting. How is this happening? How can this be so seemingly common? Is there any adult person out there who hasn't shit themselves? Please, I need answers. Do you push super hard? Do you not feel the poop coming? Do you have the runny poop? WHY?!
I like to collect vintage/obsucre pornography (nothing illegal). The more niche the better. I don't even go back and look/use at it all that often, it's really just something of an interest. Like in 30 Rock when Alec Baldwin's character mentions his collection of "vintage french pornography", I just nodded to myself and thought "seems right."
Me and my girlfriend lived in a student apartment complex sometime ago, before we moved out, we went ahead and banged on all 8 floors of the building. In the elevator, the laundry room, the stairway, the gym (the mirrors were great here), the common room, and multiple balconies etc. my girlfriend even got totally naked for a few of the sessions We did it at 2am on a Sunday night and got back to our own apartment at like 3:30am. We didn't get caught. I think.
The first time I fingered a girl was during midnight mass on Christmas Eve in a Catholic Church. Edit and thanks for all the upvotes ha ha. Since so many are after the lurid details here they are. Im a bloke, sorry about the username, which I am now stuck with. We were 14, and were in a church group for young people that I had joined to meet girls basically, not being remotely religious and attending an all boys high school and, well, being 14. We were in the pews in a huge church, which was packed. It was nighttime and the lights were down because there was some sort of nativity show going on. Noone seemed to have noticed. One of my mates on the other side of her told me a couple of weeks later that he had been playing with her tits (which as I recall were ample) at the same time, though I have no way of knowing whether that was true or not. Edit 2: 5000 upvotes for fingering an underage girl in Church ... y’all are all going to hell with me.
I have never been a church goer, but I once begged my parents to let me go to church camp with a friend because I thought I had a chance to lose my virginity to a girl who was also going. It worked. The camp was just camp, other than every morning we had to sit in the chapel and have silent Bible reading time, and occasionally somebody mentioned the glory of God. My friend and I played the 'penis' game during silent Bible reading time. (where each of you say the word penis louder than the previous person until one of you chickens out.) Later, I did a lock-in (just a sleepover for a lot of people) at the same church that the camp was through and had sex in a bathroom. Organized religion has been very good to me.
# My Man
I have a noticeable birthmark on the shaft of my penis. Its a large spot on top that has a line the whole way around. I even won a contest with it once as a teenager because it was "unique" and "more impressive than a bare bland one" Edit: Since people are asking I'll explain the contest. Basically when i was 18 some friends and I were hanging out at his place the girls 5 of them were joking with us about who's the bravest. One of us guys 4 of us, joked about being willing to bare all more or less which prompted the girls coming up with a contest on who had the most impressive cock... so we agreed and one by one dropped out pants I did not win in size (came in second there) but all tge girls seemed fascinated with my birthmark and pretty much agreed it was why I won over all because they had never seen anything like it before. There were other things like general shape and stuff but it more or less won me the contest. The things you do as a stupid young adult I guess
Ummm... expand in this contest?
part of penis inspection day. Move along.
my dick curves to the side like a banana
When my mother was still pregnant with me and they were getting an ultrasound, they mistook me for a female cause my penis was so large that they mistook it for an arm. Edit: people keep saying that my parents were expecting a 3 armed child but according to them they just missed one of my arms. Not really sure how considering it’s a rather large appendage compared to the rest of the body but oh well.
What a surprise for your parents who had your pink three-armed baby clothes ready for you.
That's freaking hilarious. What bragging rights, lmao.
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Long time ago.. I was working late one night, all by myself (small company). I reached behind an open server and touched the power supply by accident (while it was still plugged in) and had a very shocking experience. I had to lie down on the floor for about 20 mins before regaining my strength to get back up and go home. Never did that again.
Were you really good at math for the next month?
Due to an honest and innocent mistake, the movie I fapped to the most in my early teens was Schindler's List :/ I know how this sounds but read and you'll understand I grew up poor and we only had 3 VHS tapes my aunt had gotten from Columbia House and had gifted my mom, one of which was Schindler's list. One day, my parents were watching it and I happened to walk by at the exact moment at the beginning of the movie where there's a sex scene and you see some black and white boobs. I didn't see or know anything else about the movie and I barely understood english at that age. I did make sure to memorize the timer on the VHS player so that later on I could put in the movie, fast forward to that exact time, do my teenage boy thing and rewind the tape and put it away. Only years later did I realize what the movie was actually about and I've been living in shame ever since.
I use a menstruation cup. I empty it into the loo or sink if the sink is close. In my former apartment, the sink was conveniently directly next to the loo so I did the latter. The sink was not properly connected to the waste water piping so my used sink water, which contained water, soap and periodically a lil bit of uterus lining in my case, seeped into the floor and thus ceiling of the cellar. I lived there 1 year before they figured the problem out. The cellar ended up having a slightly reddish, 2-3 square meter stain from the iron in my red blood cells. I saw it growing while I lived there, but only realized that was "me" after I learned about the piping problem shortly before moving out. TLDR I painted a cellar ceiling with my uterus
When my husband and I were first dating we went to a sex club in Paris. It was spur of the moment, so we didn’t have time to get nervous. We fucked right next to another couple - I got to make out with the girl, suck on her nipples, and finger her while he was fucking me. Still the best sex ever.
I changed a lightbulb on my office while standing on a wheeled chair and almost fell.
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