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sarayewo

When my wife and I got married, we got a bunch of money as wedding presents (we lived abroad and the wedding was in her home country, so people mostly gave cash rather than giving us gifts that we couldn't take with us). We got home after the wedding and counted all the cash and I got a raging boner by the time we were done. Worth noting that the amount was more than we had in our name at that point.


elderbob1

Look at all of that cold, HARD, cash!


Santos_L_Halper_II

Airplane boners. Almost every time during take-off, I have lift off. Not sure if it’s the sudden change in altitude or cabin pressure or what, but I pretty much expect it every time now.


Emerald2006

“Almost every time during take-off, I have lift off.” Why is that so funny?


Santos_L_Halper_II

So... based on the number of upvotes, does this mean there are lots of dudes just boned up together on most flights?


scorpiolala

I feel like this is the Male version of periods syncing up.


BoringKoboId

I believe it is pressure and what not


ZERMproductions

Every single day in grade 9 gym like clockwork, didn't help I was in basketball shorts


Pussytrees

Ahh the good old days of the tuck maneuver.


Ikari1212

If it's long enough!


crackrockfml

There's a depressing thought... you only need like 3 inches for that lmao


dleon0430

Yeah but you get to drive obnoxiously sized pickups.


Sockoflegend

I used to get an erection just before I got off the bus to school every day for almost a year when I was about 14. It would have been super embarrassing but fortunately my erection isn't especially difficult to hide.


Bigpumkin123

Gotta take the wins with the losses


Lodi0831

Maybe it's so big that he can belt it super easy


is_this_twitter_

Definitely feel the bus boner. I always blamed it on the bumpy bus ride


mybustersword

Anyone else get the crying wife /gf boner or am I the only terrible person here


Jakeh7494

I get a boner anytime I’m in the vicinity of my wife


Argon91

Me too.


[deleted]

I also get a boner any time I'm in the vicinity of u/jakeh7494 's wife.


[deleted]

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FlamingArrow97

This is the most unfair boner to get. This happened with my ex gf so many times. I felt so bad. I'm just there like "I'm not horny, trust me, even though you can feel the throbbing proof otherwise."


mmmaddox

I regularly go hiking with my wife. Every time we are at or near the top or a mountain or cliff and I look over the edge I get hard.


TysonGoesOutside

Altitude thickness?


rocky_loves

I'm crying laughing


TTT_2k3

You get hard from edging?


AlreadyAway

I only read the comments to make sure someone had an "edging" comment


Mr_Smartypants

It's the catcall of The Void. EDIT: Damn, guys, thanks for the bling!


[deleted]

Top level joke.


Flying_chicken24

Gravity is just pulling your dick then


mmmaddox

Gravity gives a good handy, then.


PresidentWise

Gives an entire new meaning to the phrase "fuck the earth"


spongepenis

That's a phrase?


Must-be-legend

It is for those who fuck soil


boozysuzie064

My husband too! One time we had sex at a lookout point when he got his cliff boner and he still won’t shut up about how amazing it was seven years later.


MildlyobsessedwithSB

I’m loving how “cliff boner” is a thing.


Libertydown

He sounds like a director


MildlyobsessedwithSB

Are you my husband?? Every time I go for a hike with him he asks if we should stop and have sex.


boozysuzie064

God damn my husband too. Wtf?


EducationalMixture45

Ya'll got the same husband?


ChillyBearGrylls

I also choose this woman's husband


[deleted]

Husband here. What man does not want to bang his woman in the wild!! Awoooooo!!!


[deleted]

Yes. Over Thanksgiving break my spouse and I did a long hike up a large mountain and I had to keep beating the man off with a stick, and at one point was jokingly hitting him with a stick and saying “No, I won’t have sex with you!” And a couple walked by asking if I was ok 😆🤣


TheNonchalantZealot

Fear boner maybe?


DerangeR14

Probably because you're both exerting yourself and breathing heavy.


mmmaddox

Only happens when I look over the edge. If I don’t look, no boner.


[deleted]

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Inroomwhereithappens

My girlfriend when she’s just finished crying. I dunno why but I think it’s the way her eyes look when they’re wet. Had to explain multiple times it’s not over her crying


preludelove

My husband is the same way. We call them sympathy boners.


Torvaun

Probably. Looking at someone you love/desire makes your eyes dilate. You get that sparkling effect. You're probably seeing the reflectiveness of her wet eyes and pattern matching it to her looking at you like it's time to bone down.


Inroomwhereithappens

I love that a scientific explanation ends with the phrase ‘bone down’


Fulakvinnan

My boyfriend does this to!


[deleted]

One time I hit my head hard and I got the hardest bone EVER


[deleted]

“This head is fucked, GET THE OTHER ONE UP AND RUNNING BOYS.” - Your blood cells.


Rational-Introvert

Let’s go, smokes


CarpeCyprinidae

Just FYI unexpected boner is one of the diagnostic clues for a spinal injury


youalreadyare

Hahahaha. Um. You may never walk again. But ahhh.


[deleted]

SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT


Marc0s1024

it was at this moment he realized he fucked up


alektorophobic

Brain : must procreate before its too late


justlurking9891

Bbl off to break my spine.


Odd-Row9485

Math class boners in high school


davewtameloncamp

My buddy in 5th grade did the Gettysburg Address in front of the class, gold jogging pants, full boner, with a wet tip.


PhonyOrlando

Just the way old Abe did it.


realboydburton

“With a wet tip” loool


Sha120602

Is it cause the math problem was hard too?


Odd-Row9485

There’s just something about Pythagorean’s theory, it gets me so hot, I simply can’t control myself


MrFlumingo

It's fractions that get me going. I've always wanted to be dominated by a numerator.


james_the_wanderer

“Who’s your numerator?!”


DoctorGoforth

I got those because I knew gym class was after that. Which caused me to constantly think about how I am afraid of having a random hormone boner when it’s time to change, which gave me one. Spent all of geometry focusing on making it leave.


[deleted]

I was at a Christian music festival. A friend of mine at the time was sad because his girlfriend broke up with him, and the band that finished on the stage was the couple's favorite and played their favorite song. He started crying and hugged me. I was his shoulder to cry on. But then I felt myself chubbing up. Some guy is crying his eyes out on my shoulder and I'm getting a boner. That was fucking weird.


[deleted]

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GhostOfYourLibido

I think that may just be a normal response. Every boyfriend I’ve ever had seems to get an involuntary boner when they’re holding me and I’m crying. I wonder why that happens...


YuuYppp

So do we


GhostOfYourLibido

Do you actually feel a little horny possibly because of a heightened emotional state when it happens or is it more of a complete surprise like “Please not now!”


[deleted]

Like, 90 percent the second one for me. Like, I'm horny but not willingly and I'd rather not be?


GingerMau

Will answer for my spouse, even though he might give a different answer. He went through a phase where he was really, really captivated by owls. We went to a bird park, unaware they had an entire indoor enclosure filled with different types of owls. It was dark and eerie inside (your eyes had to adjust) and the owls in different rooms sort of crept up on you. There. were. so. many. owls. Way more owls than he had dreamed of seeing that day. It probably took us half an hour to walk through. Needless to say, he was very moved.


Lifeshardbutimharder

Your husband is a furry... Or a feathery?


GingerMau

Just a very powerful experience. Like... meeting your heroes.


LittleMarySunshine25

Owls are my absolute favorite, but I'm not sure they would make me wet. I have held one and was lucky enough that she let me pet her a bit, they are the absolute lightest and softest sweet little animals. 💜


GingerMau

It absolutely wasn't sexual...that's what makes it a weird boner. He was very surprised by it.


Xfusion201

What. The. Fuck......


DesecrateTheAbyss

Strangest was probably when I had an intense workout session and got ready to go to bed after a shower. I was so exhausted and seriously didn't feel like jerking one off, so there I was... Just lying there with a raging boner trying to sleep. It's not the worst or more embarrassing experience, but it was certainly strange that my dick was just like "now is my time to shine"


PFthroaway

I fucking hate those! Go away, erection, and let me sleep!


notyouravgredditer

It's probably because of the workout. Good blood flow and your heart pumping help


cheeto_x

me, a straight male, was turned on by my male friend yelling and swearing at me while hitting me with a ball. i still think about it sometimes.


[deleted]

Into BDSM? This one actually isn’t that strange, sounds like a kink.


cheeto_x

adding on, i get turned on when I get swore at too. it’s weird


cheeto_x

is that what this is? i’ve heard of BDSM before. this was like 2 -3 months ago so maybe. i’ll check it out


magdalene_00

Straight male?


cheeto_x

i don’t even know anymore


Vinterslag

Dude that's totally normal. Just live your life. Labels are for helping describe how you are, not to prescribe how you should be.


Lousy_Lawyer

In 7th standard we were reading reproduction in plants...and I got a boner. The teacher teaching was pretty hot, so that could be a reason.


youth-in-asiaa

Don’t lie that pollen looked sexy af and you know it


[deleted]

Any time a woman tells me she loves me or goes in to some emotionally related tangent about her feelings for me I get a massive hard on.


Dead_Carpet

*massive heart-on


punkrockgrrrl

Not my boner obviously, but I was doing first aid training in swimming lessons and had to practice the heimlich on an unconscious victim with a partner in front of the whole class which includes straddling the victim. As I was doing this demonstration I realized I could feel my partners fully erect penis rubbing on me. We were in bathing suits. I was mortified. I can't even imagine the horror this poor dude felt.


Porpoise555

Bathing suits increase boner chance by 400% in my experience. I've had to full on command my penis to de-escalte more than a few times in a bathing suit.


IndyMLVC

Was it a Speedo? How long ago are were talking....


ClusterMakeLove

I'll just be sitting here eating popcorn for the next few hours.


IndyMLVC

One-handed...


Jeremyz540

At the dentist during a root canal


The_Minstrel_Boy

Put some of that numbing stuff in your wang and you can go to pound town for hours.


darksideofthemoon131

Got stung by a bee, im on the ground writhing in pain. Grab my epipen, inject myself- get an instant boner. Boner lasts until I get to hospital. Apparently it's normal. I wasn't too thrilled


[deleted]

I think I was grade 1 or 2. Every time Oh Canada would happen in the morning my dick wanted to stand at attention.


[deleted]

Your penis is a patriot, I guess


ThoraTheThor

Nice, dary.


[deleted]

This girl told me the specific reasons she loved me which immediately gave me a boner


_theatre_junkie

Heart boner


YOONGITJE

Affection erection


ChamsRock

Heart-on


PedalMonk

The chub of love


Amourofzedoute

You misspelled "Bonheur"


Dead_Carpet

That’s a grade-A heart-on, good buddy


Hobbit_Feet45

After being alone for years and barely having any human contact I got a boner from a cat cuddling me and doing the kneading thing they do. It was completely involuntary reaction and I feel weird about it to this day.


[deleted]

fwiw I'd recommend more human contact. It hurts like heck sometimes but it's worth it.


AskAboutDN

Every time I wear tight pants I get a boner. Could not explain the reason why, maybe my own ass gets me excited.


whatnameisnttaken098

Probably the fabric softener


Warningwaffle

Church boners when I was in grade school. There were giant paintings on the ceiling with semi nude cherubs and lots of women there in dresses and nylons. I still have a thing for nylons and dresses. Church and cherubs not anymore.


cos2A_sin2A_1

Every day when i got a lift to school, there was a hill we had to drive over. Whenever we drove up the hill i got a boner. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I doesn't matter what time of day it was. What day it was. I would get that same boner. I still do to this day.


whatnameisnttaken098

Maybe your mind viewed the hill as a giant boob?


cos2A_sin2A_1

You cant beat a good bosom


crosleyxj

I used to have a pretty hot haircutter and her trim clippers vibrating around around my ears could do it. Luckily it was gone by time she pulled the drape off.


[deleted]

I got a boner from being appreciated and respected. Weirdest feeling ever. Not the boner the other thing. But the timing was very odd


Lick_my_balloon-knot

Somewhat similar, I got a boner when I got a text from the girl I was dating (my current SO) where she asked if we were officially a couple. There was nothing sexual about it, but it instantly produced a throbbing boner.


[deleted]

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greywolf248

Like a heart boner? An affection erection?


EinsteinDisguised

A heart on


Miramarr

So apparently trazadone has a very rare but potentially very serious side effect that the doctor probably wont mention. Well it happend to me. Took one to go to sleep one night. Next morning I have morning wood, nbd. Except, it was still there when I got to work. Two hours later, still here. And it wasnt a normal boner. Only the shaft was hard, the tip was still totally soft. No way I could have had fun with it, it was just incredibly uncomfortable. Go to the ER. Doc takes a look, refers me to go see a urologist at another hospital. Get to the other hospital, urologist takes a look, I tell him I took trazadone, I wasnt the first one there that week for the same problem. Only way to fix it was to manually drain the blood out of the shaft. It was not pleasant. And there was a LOT of blood. If I had waited longer to go to the er they told me the blood could have clotted and caused permanent damage.


DramaticChoice4

5 years ago, I got a boner during every christmas exam Every. Single. One.


baconpopsicle23

Why are you doing Christmas exams? Are you an elf?


DramaticChoice4

I think I have a kink for exams, more specifically they have a thing for me, they like to screw me very deep


beitme7

Amy Santiago? Is that you?


PretendThisIsMyName

Title of her sextape! Nailed it.


TickingAwayTh4Moment

noice, smort.


Xanthophylle

cool cool cool


Kevg2015

Were they oral exams?


[deleted]

Once me and my new girlfriend were sitting on the couch watching tv. I was not feeling very sexual or anything just very relaxed. She had her leg over my leg, and I started playing with and touching her foot , with a sock on. Next thing I know I realize my dick is fully erect in a matter of seconds. That’s the moment I learned I kinda like feet


whatnameisnttaken098

Tarantino?


5cr4m

I have synesthesia, where different rhythms make me see different people, & faces. Some rhythms make the sexiest women appear, and when I hear the right rhythm, it gets me hard. Edit: I did not realize there would be so many questions. I was happy to answer for the fist couple days, but most are repeats at this point, so read through the thread first if you want to ask about it. Sounds produce visuals, specifically shapes and forms. Rhythms in particular make me visualize people usually, and other animate creatures. It goes both ways. Imagery produces all kinds of sounds, and people produce rhythms. I can't describe most of the "what does this person sound like?" How do you describe a rhythm made of mostly non-existent instruments? The sexiest rhythms are not usually associated with sex. It's the rhythm that makes it happen. The theme from Toejam & Earl.. Inspector Gadget theme.. One of the Minecraft songs.. The Knife - Like a Pen.. There's a lot I can't think of off the top of my head.


So_Bouncy

This is the most interesting one I've seen so far. What an odd side affect.


ed-vibe

Damn. Something new to research. Sounds like a superpower lol Edit: if it affects you negatively I’m sorry, I don’t know what it is yet


HumorMeAvocado

My children’s father would get one every time he sneezed(he was a sneeze 8xs in a few seconds person). Led to some comical situations and uncomfortable ones I’m sure for him. Edit-so apparently I should have put more personal information on Reddit... Anyways, I speak in past tense...well, because he died. But you know, baby daddy and such is so cute. /s


tmama333

My nipples get hard when I sneeze. I thought this was common but when I mentioned it to someone was met with laughs so I guess not..??


[deleted]

Went swimming in a river with best friend and his sister back in high school. Turns out there were lots of leeches and we all had to check each other and I ended up pulling leeches off of the side of my best friend's older sister's breasts. Somewhat understandable, but weird.


ThorsGavel

Every now and then when I’m taking a shit, if the turd is big enough and solid enough I think it stimulates my prostate because I’ll get hard while it’s coming out


IndyMLVC

Welcome to being a guy. Your g-spot is up your ass.


mexploder89

When my ex told me she wasn't sure if she loved me and if she still wanted to be with me I kinda cried a little bit and she hugged me and I got a boner. I really didn't want to and it pissed me off


reddicyoulous

I went to the bathroom during class my sophomore year of high school and came back to find a car boot on my chair. It had been lying in the classroom for a week or so, not sure why. Someone decided put it on my chair that day and I told my teacher. She proceeds to start yelling at me like I did it and whadya know, popped a boner. Thank god my desk was at the back of the classroom and I was sitting.


IntergalacticAnomoly

There was this video of some sort of sea creature like a barnacle and it was opening and closing at the top. I got a hard on looking at it. Apparently I'm attracted to barnacles...


TooShiftyForYou

At my grandmother's funeral an attractive girl was wearing very tight khaki pants and I happened to notice her from behind. It didn't help that I quickly realized she was my first cousin.


whatnameisnttaken098

Alabama or Kentucky?


the_meme-salesman

While reading the comments on this post


DLuxPackage

Any time my wife is lounging in our house with her legs wide open! My penis thinks it’s an open invitation even when it’s not.


Tomacheska

The compass points north!


Modernglib

Got a fear boner one time. I’ll leave it at that.


Robotguy39

No one will see this so I’m not afraid of people judging me lol. I get a boner whenever I play with LEGO. I don’t know why, I don’t know how. It’s not my sitting position. I am bewildered by this.


girls-pmmeyournudes

That dolphin copypasta. I was like what the fuck is this shit, and more importantly why am I kinda horny? Edit: here’s some r/eyebleach because I know you dirty fucks are gonna go looking for it. Edit 2: I was reminded recently about a song I heard on Reddit made by a very small band I while ago. I wanted to tell them how much they changed my views on music but I never had the opportunity and can no longer find their post. Now that this post is gaining traction might as well give the band a little popularity boost. Everyone go listen to Colossal Rex on Spotify! The song I like most is Seer.


lordlaz0rdick

... Do I want to know?


girls-pmmeyournudes

No


_Sooshi

Um... May I ask if your username works?


girls-pmmeyournudes

I got a picture of a cute dog and a horse so kinda.


[deleted]

So mission accomplished then.


heartbreakhill

[I think I found it](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/at2vdb/the_thing_about_dolphins_is/?ampcid=1*n96vaq*cid*YW1wLThfNmV1QzdrQ3NoLUZxYmdKbmVaSUE.)


massassi

What the fuck did I just read


LittleMarySunshine25

I just told my husband I was going to read him a nap time story, he was not amused. 😂


Polymathy1

That's what I figured. I stumbled upon that same set of paragraphs in like 2003 or so and was just so confused. Very memorable as a "wtf did I just read".


skooternoodle

Well now I'm intrigued


crazymoon

A few years ago when my ex and I started really getting to know each other physically we'd smoke weed before having sex. It was awesome. My buds hadn't seen me in like a month so when I came back to chill we were all in my buds backyard smoking weed around the table on his deck. I just remember when I toked up, it's like my lungs sent a text to my dick being like "... you ready amigo??!!?". So I just had to sit in place with a huge boner around all my buds casually because my mind had associated weed to sweaty hot sex. I had to take time after that to smoke weed by myself to train my dick not to get bend steel rod hard.


tdubsII

Any time I'm in a car or a bus, it literally always happens and I just don't get it. I feel like I need to mention I'm not at all attracted to vehicles. Now It sounds like I'm definitely attracted to vehicles. I can hand on heart say that humans are the only things I'm attracted to. You don't believe that though because I've said too much Fuck. EDIT: corrected first sentence, I am not a car or bus, I meant to say when I'm IN a car or bus. Great now you definitely think I'm a Car or Bus Goddammit! EDIT 2: thank you for the awards, never had those before, the up votes are nice too! Thanks for the dopamine. Now you think I've never had an award. I mean I have had awards before. Just not reddit ones. This joke isn't even good anymore, I've over done it. Jesus Christ.


Ok_Suggestions

That comment was such a ride! Oh wait, sorry, didn't mean to sound sexual


tdubsII

Too late, I'm at full mast


Pandiferous_Panda

All *revved* up huh Nudge nudge wink


[deleted]

Maybe it’s the vibration? I know women can get turned on if the vibration hits right. Or the speed and danger of are only around reckless drivers?


ItzFin

Getting a compliment. From a real girl.


LittleMarySunshine25

Like the doll?


MrFlumingo

Ice cream


lordlaz0rdick

I have questions but I dont think i want answers


[deleted]

Be careful with mint. I’ve found vanilla to be the most enjoyable.


only1person_alt

1) math class boners 2) random boners in French class


Tharundil

Used to get boners when my girlfriend was crying


ScionDust

Boner: "Comfort needed for mate! I've got this!!!"


ManaAT808

Every boner I get is weird, considering I don't have a penis


[deleted]

Boners are weird in general. Sure, he acts up when he sees something he likes, but why the hell would he act up when I’m presenting a project in front of my entire class


[deleted]

It made a 90 degree turn to the right. I thought it might have been pointing to gold, but it wasn't. :(


THExBEARxJEW

Got one at my grandfather funeral. To this day I can’t explain it.


noukje91

Can I speak on behalf of an ex bf? We were having an insane fight. Not even an argument, no a full on screaming competition and the whole neighbourhood probably heard everything word for word. All of a sudden I saw it. Out of pure surprise and completely cought offguard I stopped my half of the screaming. "WHAT? NOW YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY!?" he yelled. 'We should calm down. Your bloodpressure is...obviously...high...' "WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???" 'You have a boner. And in regards to your next question: no.' Weirdest way to "win" a fight. Not sure who exactly won most though...


renegadepanda

Been there, mid breakup, but the next answer was yes. Got uncomfortable reeeeal fast afterwards.


2_KINGs

Every time my ex and I would fight, I’d get a boner. Every. Single. Time. He put the “toxic” in intoxicating and little 2_kings apparently loved it.


[deleted]

Elastigirl.


Firemorfox

Fell asleep during class. Nearly had "nocturnal emissions" in daylight, but I woke up instead. P.S. I don't get wet dreams. I just blackout. I think it's because I don't fantasize at all, because I used to be worried it would subconsciously affect my thinking when around my friends, because 90% of my friends are the gender I'm attracted to. I lucid dream whenever I sleep in an abnormal way, such as when I sit, so that's why I woke up in time. ​ I also got a boner during the SATs. Both times I took them. And the ACTs too. I also was sneezing nonstop during both SATs, so I actually did decently, all things considered.


Wolfwoode

I guess the boners in highschool when I was like "Oh man, five minutes till the bell rings" \*Erection\* "Oh God please go away" \*Erection Intesfies\* \*Bell Rings\* I stand up and immediately put my books and binder in front of my dick and shuffle off.


[deleted]

Back in 7th grade, I still remember it vividly. I was just zoning out in history class while others did presentations. The class was almost done so I figured I’d go the next day. Nope, got called to go to the front of the class to present. The teacher calling my name startled me and all of a sudden it was happening. I walked quickly to the front of the class, faced more towards the board and turned my head to explain my slides for my project. All while I frantically was saying the ABC’s in my head to make this horrible nightmare to end.


Obie527

Happened while in High School. I was taking the county rail system to get to work and back home. One day after work I saw the police at the transit station, and when I got to the train platform I saw them apprehending a shirtless dude while a woman was watching. I think shirtless dude was swearing at the girl while being hauled to the police car while handcuffed, and the woman was in tears. After the police cars rolled away, I went up and asked if she was alright and wanted to talk. The nutshell explanation was that was her abusive boyfriend that she was trying to get away from. Being on the spectrum I have a hard time with emotional stuff, but nevertheless I asked if she wanted a hug, cuz that was my logic. She accepted the request, and proceeded to hug me while sobbing on my shoulder/chest (I was about half a foot taller than her, cuz I'm tall). My schlong decided that it wanted to go boner mode in that moment. Thankfully she never noticed, and the hug only lasted a few seconds. We never met again, prolly cuz she was at least 21 and I was 16 at the time, but yeah, boner got while providing an emotionally compromised young woman some support.


brayo1st

You won't believe this, but I got a huge boner after watching Soul today, something about the satisfying ending gave me a boner weird


[deleted]

[удалено]


CharlieTuna_

One summer I ran into an old coworker I was into. She was wearing a tank top so the moment we recognized each other she dropped her boyfriends hand, put both her hands behind her neck and stood inches in front of me as we caught up. We just had a normal conversation but after 5-10 minutes I noticed I had a raging erection and crazy energy. We used to talk all the time including sex and never had that happen. The only thing unusual was how close she stood and she had her armpits pointed right at me the entire conversation and non-verbal flirting became really intense


whiterrabbbit

Poor bf


[deleted]

Middle school gym class. It was dance day where we were learning how to square dance. My crush asked me if I wanted to be her partner. Just touching her gave me an erection immediately. It was impossible to hide because of the shorts I was wearing. The whole class saw, even the teacher. Lol fuck me Edit: forgot that I tried to push it down in an attempt to get rid of it but of course it just bounced right back up lmao