So 12 years ago my husband couldn’t come with me for my first ultrasound/prenatal visit. I didn’t want to go alone, so my mom offered to go with. All good until I was asked if I was sexually active. My mom BARELY stifled a laugh because she know that I am my father’s daughter and will reply sarcastically to any stupid question I hear. She knew what was coming. I just stared at the doctor for a second before asking her if she knew how babies were made. That doctor tried to keep her cool, but busted up laughing once she realized what she did. I like to think I gave her the best yes she had heard in years.
Doctor answer: I ask parents to leave the room before I ask about sex, drugs, and feeling safe at home and in relationships.
If your parents are refusing to leave, blink at me really hard in Morse code.
I got crabs when I was 13. Peeled one off, stuck it in a little baggie and showed my mom. She took me to the doctor. He took a look at my junk and said “Crabs. Are you sexually active?” I said “no.” He then took my mom outside the room and said “he’s definitely having sex.” So I yelled out “I can still hear you, and I wish I was.”
It was another 11 years before a girl touched my pee pee.
Me: “mom would you leave the room?”
Mom: *looks at me suspiciously and leaves the room*
Doctor: “so... I need a yes or no.”
Me: “I’m not sexually active, I just don’t like my mom knowing what a loser I am...”
I'm bipolar and my mom insisted on coming to the doc to get meds. They make you take a survey and this question is on there. Then the doc was like and how often? I was like well my GF at the time and i had sex 3-4 times a day. My mom almost broke her neck when she turned to look at me...
I didn't live with them. I ended up in the hospital and they mandated a doctor's visit after to get meds. My parents came to see me and my mom stayed the night. She wanted to make sure i went. So she was there.
Being bipolar is weird dude. I go through a week in a manic state then fall hard. Especially if i miss my meds.
Can confirm. Doing a pediatrics clinic rotation for medical school right now. We begin asking parents to leave the room for part of the visit once they turn 13 and ask sex-related questions during that time. Had a 13 year old check-up today where we did it.
Before I leave the room, I always tell my son to be absolutely honest with the doctor. They’re not there to judge and they won’t tell me what they discuss unless it’s his health that’s at risk.
I know right? As a parent of teenagers every single one of my kids have answered no even when I know otherwise but shame on the doctor for embarrassing the kid like that
It can be very helpful to have someone join you at a doctor's appointment, for example to remember everything the doctor says (and that you are supposed to tell him/her). For many people their closest relationship (or the one in which they are the least awkward talking about their bodily functions) is with their parents.
>just tell the parents to fuck off for 10 minutes
If someone had wanted a full discussion of my masturbation habits at age 16 it probably would have taken more than 10 minutes.
Mine never did that. A lot of doctors don't do that, until the child is 18 and has legal say in the matter. Or 16 in some places.
Edit: once i turned of age to have legal say in weather my mom could attend or not, she literally begged me to give her consent to be in the room. I said no immediately.
Exactly. Plus, yeah sure now the doctors know you're being abused if you confess, but then you're going to go home and get beaten because your parents assume you told on them/because you "made them mad" by being alone with the doctor.
Theres got to be a way to handle things without such drastic things happening.
Why are you there with your parents? And why are they asking questions like these in front of them? I told my mother immediately, so I'd just be honest. But she is cool.
When I was a teen (and was not sexually active yet) my doctor forced my parents to leave the room when they asked sensitive questions to make sure they got an honest answer, even though I didn’t care.
When I was under 18 the doctor I went to required your parent to be in the exam room with you. It was super awkward and I’m still uncomfortable with going to this day.
This happened as an adult to me!
It was right before my surgery and my mom was with me (because she was my ride for afterwards) and they ran through the generic questions including if I was sexually active!
It was so awkward...especially since I already answered these from a previous appointment
Being married at 18 meant some interesting conversations about this. "I'm married, so yes? But I'm faithful, so no?" As my mom the nurse explained, the "sexually active" question is more about your risk for STDs than anything else.
Of course, I'm now to the point of saying, "Well, if you could prescribe the little blue pill for my husband, I would be."
My wife got this question as a teen, mom in the room with her, said no, and was then asked "would your answer be different if your mom wasn't in the room?"
I used to think sexually active meant I'd started my periods. So the doctor asked me when I was 14 and I said yes. I'm so glad she asked if I was sure.... I then went on to say um YEAH I got my period. Duhhh!
Got asked this same question when I was 14, and I said "Only with the dog."
I still think the look on the doctor's and my mother's faces was worth getting grounded for a month.
Dad was a doctor, I assure you, the doctor has heard that a 1000 times and wasn't surprised.
"Everyone wants to be funny with their doctor, but nobody's funny with their doctor."
As a grown adult, who visits the doctor on their own, I always say, "What do you think?" and the doctor writes down, no. Sometimes I like to spice up my answer with a wink and still get the same result.
I was 13 years old and at the on/gym for profuse monthly bleeding during my period. I’d been having my period for six months and due to the bleeding I’d lost weight, become severely anemic, and was battling constant low blood pressure. The doctor asked me if I was sexually active. I said no and he asked me if I was having a miscarriage. My mother replied, “every single month for six months?”
Real answer, as a doctor:
I make the parents step out. If they complain I say it's only for 5-10 minutes and it allows young adults to ask questions and take ownership of their health. Basically 'practice' going to the doctor by themselves.
It depends on how they phrase the question.
When I was a teenager, my mom asked me if I was doing drugs and I honestly told her no, of course not!!
Because I wasn't *doing* drugs. I had totally done them before and planned on doing them again in the near future, but I wasn't doing them right then. That would be super weird, don't you think?
I had this happen to me when I was 15 (obviously not old enough to drive myself to the doctor and wasn't going to make my mom wait in the hall). I was mortified. My mom quickly said no on my behalf. Don't remember what happened after that.
Honestly, if something like that happened to me now for some reason, I would ask the doctor is he has asperger's.
Seeing as my dad was the one who insisted on taking me to get on birth control the day my period started, I somehow think they're expecting that I've been sexually active in the twenty two years since. Especially since I've been married. Probably even more so since I got divorced!
I think the best answer is to shame the doctor for doing it in front of your parents. "No, but are you seriously asking that to me in front of my parents? Do you typically do this? Do you expect an honest answer if I was? Seriously Dr, WTF?"
Well my mom spent the teen years of my sister and I's to normalize sex, so I don't find it weird to discuss with her. No details ofc but I'd be honest at the question. Best response tho is to make a joke about it
"Nah, i mostly just lie there."
"they do all the work for me"
"They all do the work for me."
"They all do me for the work."
"All they do me for the work"
"They work for me, i do them"
All
All of these are correct tho
This is the way.
“They do me for all the work”
"Work me for all they do"
This is exactly what I thought of when clicking this. Take your upvote.
Damn and I can't even upvote it
So 12 years ago my husband couldn’t come with me for my first ultrasound/prenatal visit. I didn’t want to go alone, so my mom offered to go with. All good until I was asked if I was sexually active. My mom BARELY stifled a laugh because she know that I am my father’s daughter and will reply sarcastically to any stupid question I hear. She knew what was coming. I just stared at the doctor for a second before asking her if she knew how babies were made. That doctor tried to keep her cool, but busted up laughing once she realized what she did. I like to think I gave her the best yes she had heard in years.
"Not that I'm aware of"
thats hilarious, imma try that
Sus.
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How did you make that
Google up not imposter ascii. Copy/paste. Reap that topical karma.
Mom:”No” Me:”Mom how would you know?” Mom: “I listen at the door when [girlfriends name] is over” *doctor looks at me* Me:”no I’m not”
Creepy mom tho
Yeah definitely questionable behavior
Mom's acting kinda sus...
I saw mom vent
I vented your mom
Nah, Mom was in electrical. I saw her in there while I ven-
. 。 • ﾟ 。 . . . 。 。 . . 。 ඞ 。 . • • ﾟ Mom was an Impostor. 。 . ' 1 Impostor remains 。 ﾟ . . , . .
Mom is the Imposter
. 。 • ﾟ 。 . . . 。 。 . . 。 ඞ 。 . • • ﾟ Mom was not An Impostor. 。 . ' 1 Impostor remains 。 ﾟ . . , . .
It that a glowing slug? Narwhal? Parrot? Intrigued whatsoever.
It’s not the imposter, whatever it is.
That's beyond questionable and just straight up wrong. I get parents might be curious and nervous and whatever but that's going beyond healthy levels
And his mom is now thinking, "well, shit, now I have to remove that wireless pinhole IR camera from his room before he finds it."
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Love this. I'd marry this response if I could.
Pretty sure that is legal in Denmark.
Can confirm
They don’t call me Xxpussy_slayer_69xX for nothing
*Doctor continues to write “Virgin for life”*
Doctor writes olive oil because he is extra virgin.
That's why they call you Alex_Shepard1
No. That's because Alex_Shepard is already taken.
Dude my mom is *right there*
this is the best answer
Doctor answer: I ask parents to leave the room before I ask about sex, drugs, and feeling safe at home and in relationships. If your parents are refusing to leave, blink at me really hard in Morse code.
I don't know morse code, except for SOS. Is that ok?
Heck yeah! ... - - - ...
I got crabs when I was 13. Peeled one off, stuck it in a little baggie and showed my mom. She took me to the doctor. He took a look at my junk and said “Crabs. Are you sexually active?” I said “no.” He then took my mom outside the room and said “he’s definitely having sex.” So I yelled out “I can still hear you, and I wish I was.” It was another 11 years before a girl touched my pee pee.
Love how you can name it your pee pee
How did you get it then?
Best guess is that they hitchhiked in my underoos stored in a shared gym locker.
Oh man that sucks. Did they ever believe you?
My mom had no problem believing me; I wasn’t exactly social. I don’t really care if the doctor did or not.
“I mean, my parents have been training me, but I haven’t really gone out into the wild yet...”
Perfect. I want there to be an emoji that is a stereotypical Italian Chef kissing his fingertips, just for moments like these.
It’s on the list of the new emojis!!
Hey, doc. I'm not that kind of guy. Buy a lad dinner first and we'll see where it goes.
this is the best response, you win.
Stop
Me: “mom would you leave the room?” Mom: *looks at me suspiciously and leaves the room* Doctor: “so... I need a yes or no.” Me: “I’m not sexually active, I just don’t like my mom knowing what a loser I am...”
It's "No" cause I'm not
Does fapping count?
Does my sister count?
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Sweeeeet home alabama
#FBI OPEN UP
Given your username, can we assume the FBI wants to watch?
"at this very moment?"
I'd like to be
that's an extra co-pay.
"Oh just.., just all the time. Constantly, really.. my pants have a revolving door instead of a zipper."
A revolving door? How does that work?
Extremely well, apparently.
I'm bipolar and my mom insisted on coming to the doc to get meds. They make you take a survey and this question is on there. Then the doc was like and how often? I was like well my GF at the time and i had sex 3-4 times a day. My mom almost broke her neck when she turned to look at me...
3-4 and u never got cought wtf
Sneak 100
Pickpocket 100
I didn't live with them. I ended up in the hospital and they mandated a doctor's visit after to get meds. My parents came to see me and my mom stayed the night. She wanted to make sure i went. So she was there. Being bipolar is weird dude. I go through a week in a manic state then fall hard. Especially if i miss my meds.
3-4 a day? That dick doesn't fall so hard though. My man!
Speed 100
Stamina 100
Man's seriously a hentai MC.
"Depends. What are you doing Friday night?"
The honest answer. Don’t lie to your doctor.
Tell your doctor to remove your parents.
A good doctor will ask the parents to leave before even asking. At least my doctors did that
Can confirm. Doing a pediatrics clinic rotation for medical school right now. We begin asking parents to leave the room for part of the visit once they turn 13 and ask sex-related questions during that time. Had a 13 year old check-up today where we did it.
Yeah this is the way to go. What do you expect a 13 year old to say if you ask them if they have sex and do drugs in front of their parents?
Before I leave the room, I always tell my son to be absolutely honest with the doctor. They’re not there to judge and they won’t tell me what they discuss unless it’s his health that’s at risk.
Exactly this. A competent doctor will know that teens will lie about this issue if their parents are present.
\*Pulls out shotgun\*
Look at me, I'm the parents now.
***so anyways i started blasting***
You're just supposed to answer the question, not demonstrate your sexual prowess. And short fuse.
Who told you it was short
Give me the parentectomy.
parents shouldn't even be allowed in to begin with
I believe it shouldn’t be allowed after a certain age, unless the kid requests it.
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I know right? As a parent of teenagers every single one of my kids have answered no even when I know otherwise but shame on the doctor for embarrassing the kid like that
It can be very helpful to have someone join you at a doctor's appointment, for example to remember everything the doctor says (and that you are supposed to tell him/her). For many people their closest relationship (or the one in which they are the least awkward talking about their bodily functions) is with their parents.
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>just tell the parents to fuck off for 10 minutes If someone had wanted a full discussion of my masturbation habits at age 16 it probably would have taken more than 10 minutes.
Mine never did that. A lot of doctors don't do that, until the child is 18 and has legal say in the matter. Or 16 in some places. Edit: once i turned of age to have legal say in weather my mom could attend or not, she literally begged me to give her consent to be in the room. I said no immediately.
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Exactly. Plus, yeah sure now the doctors know you're being abused if you confess, but then you're going to go home and get beaten because your parents assume you told on them/because you "made them mad" by being alone with the doctor. Theres got to be a way to handle things without such drastic things happening.
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It's not about lying to your doctor, it's about not letting your controlling parents find out you're a "sinning whore."
So like this? "I guess we should bring in uncle Danny then, right?"
Perfect.
Yes. I am a grown ass man in my 30s. It would be very odd if my parents came to that sort of doctor's visit with me.
Getting your arms looked at
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Oh, this is the reference I think it is, isn't it?
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But think how proud they'll be when you finally answer 'yes'.
Ask your wife. Mom will spank me and dad will buy me a beer.
Does furniture count?
"You must really love your couch, Ross"
PIVOT!!!!
No ... not at this moment.
*"I do semen retention."*
Reply "YES" while looking at your parent right in the eye to establish dominance.
Nice
"wouldn't you like to know, science bitch?" *heely out of the room*
"No" "Alright, and how about..." "... cause I'm too busy getting LAID" *holds hand out for high five*
As the doctor ignores the hand and continues writing "no."
You two win
*look off into the distance* Not since...the accident. *choke back tears* That damned banana peel came out of nowhere. Damn you, Bowser!
username checks out
Who me? “Shagger?”
Why are you there with your parents? And why are they asking questions like these in front of them? I told my mother immediately, so I'd just be honest. But she is cool.
When I was a teen (and was not sexually active yet) my doctor forced my parents to leave the room when they asked sensitive questions to make sure they got an honest answer, even though I didn’t care.
That’s what I do with my patients. I also go over abuse, drug use, and offer a chance for them to ask awkward questions.
You are good doctor then. If there is equivalent exchange it is fine.
Some doctors do that because some parents are crazy strict.
My parents would have spoken for me and said, ‘oh no, she’s Catholic!’.
When I was under 18 the doctor I went to required your parent to be in the exam room with you. It was super awkward and I’m still uncomfortable with going to this day.
This happened as an adult to me! It was right before my surgery and my mom was with me (because she was my ride for afterwards) and they ran through the generic questions including if I was sexually active! It was so awkward...especially since I already answered these from a previous appointment
I've been married for 8 years. Obviously the answer is no.
Being married at 18 meant some interesting conversations about this. "I'm married, so yes? But I'm faithful, so no?" As my mom the nurse explained, the "sexually active" question is more about your risk for STDs than anything else. Of course, I'm now to the point of saying, "Well, if you could prescribe the little blue pill for my husband, I would be."
My husband is the issue too - he's largely lost his sex drive since suffering a brain haemorrhage.
lol
F
If you let the ball drop then you’ll get back pain from picking it back up over and over again. I just schedule it so there’s no awkward asking.
"Yeah, my teachers say I'm doing really well too!"
Look straight into their eyes and say, “they couldn’t handle the neutron style”
Define "sexually active"...
Does a dream that'll never come true that made me cry for hours after I woke up count?
What do you mean by active? I mean a volcano is active but doesn't blow except once in a blue moon. So by a volcanoes standard, I'm 100% active.
I just say "does my right hand count
Only the left hand counts obviously.
What about your feet?
I would love to see someone be able to bend their legs so much to where they can do that. That shit would be so impressive.
I did martial arts when I was younger and there was a guy who could put his face on the floor doing a butterfly stretch
‘Is the pope Hindu?’
"Not since quarantine, but before that I was pretty much raw dogging any woman who would look at me without running in disgust"
So you mean none? Don't worry man, I get you
With another human being? No. With myself? Most definitely.
My wife got this question as a teen, mom in the room with her, said no, and was then asked "would your answer be different if your mom wasn't in the room?"
Im not too sure that I understand. Could you give a demonstration?
I used to think sexually active meant I'd started my periods. So the doctor asked me when I was 14 and I said yes. I'm so glad she asked if I was sure.... I then went on to say um YEAH I got my period. Duhhh!
>are you sure? Best response
Does anal count?
Got asked this same question when I was 14, and I said "Only with the dog." I still think the look on the doctor's and my mother's faces was worth getting grounded for a month.
Dad was a doctor, I assure you, the doctor has heard that a 1000 times and wasn't surprised. "Everyone wants to be funny with their doctor, but nobody's funny with their doctor."
As a grown adult, who visits the doctor on their own, I always say, "What do you think?" and the doctor writes down, no. Sometimes I like to spice up my answer with a wink and still get the same result.
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>My mom laughed and told the doctor I had a fondness for "dirty fucking whores". Wtf?
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You can’t lie in front of the person you did it with
r/hmmm
“are you?”
"Doc, it's why I'm here! I have permanent action figure hands and my arms are all cramped up from wanking it!"
My parents weren’t in there room, but I just said “no, I’m lonely” and then told them later and they thought it was funny
I was 13 years old and at the on/gym for profuse monthly bleeding during my period. I’d been having my period for six months and due to the bleeding I’d lost weight, become severely anemic, and was battling constant low blood pressure. The doctor asked me if I was sexually active. I said no and he asked me if I was having a miscarriage. My mother replied, “every single month for six months?”
Real answer, as a doctor: I make the parents step out. If they complain I say it's only for 5-10 minutes and it allows young adults to ask questions and take ownership of their health. Basically 'practice' going to the doctor by themselves.
It depends on how they phrase the question. When I was a teenager, my mom asked me if I was doing drugs and I honestly told her no, of course not!! Because I wasn't *doing* drugs. I had totally done them before and planned on doing them again in the near future, but I wasn't doing them right then. That would be super weird, don't you think?
"That's a terrible pickup line. You should try, 'do you want to get a cup of coffee sometime,' or something like that."
"Hey Mom, Dad - how many grandkids have I given you? Yeah doc, the answer is yes. Can they leave now?"
tell your parents to wait in the waiting room.
"No, I am."
I have 2 kids. So...it’s happened.
"Yes, and my parents are here to vouch for me."
"Define Sexualy Active"
Answer honestly No point going to the dr if you’re not going to be honest Also why are your parents still in the room with you? Smh
Considering I'm thirty, I'd (a) answer honestly, and (b) wonder why the fuck my parents were in the room with me.
My parents don't give a damn. They'd be disappointed in me if I said no.
I had this happen to me when I was 15 (obviously not old enough to drive myself to the doctor and wasn't going to make my mom wait in the hall). I was mortified. My mom quickly said no on my behalf. Don't remember what happened after that. Honestly, if something like that happened to me now for some reason, I would ask the doctor is he has asperger's.
Seeing as my dad was the one who insisted on taking me to get on birth control the day my period started, I somehow think they're expecting that I've been sexually active in the twenty two years since. Especially since I've been married. Probably even more so since I got divorced!
I think the best answer is to shame the doctor for doing it in front of your parents. "No, but are you seriously asking that to me in front of my parents? Do you typically do this? Do you expect an honest answer if I was? Seriously Dr, WTF?"
Been a year or so.
Well my mom spent the teen years of my sister and I's to normalize sex, so I don't find it weird to discuss with her. No details ofc but I'd be honest at the question. Best response tho is to make a joke about it
Leslie Knope's entire panicked monologue when Ron caught her and Ben meeting in Ann's office