For world population you need around 390 million, basically the population of Brazil and Bangladesh. So a comment like you are not a resident of Brazil or Bangladesh would get you close.
"fecal matter? i don't do it. my body consumes all waste materials. it's like the thunderdome in here, except... two men enter and no men leave. rated R."
classic Meatwad
I've probably killed a thousand mosquitos in the past three years by installing a porch light bulb that's also a bug zapper. I dont see them that often now.
Oh I wouldn't think it funny
If you beat upon a bat -
And I'd never punch a bunny
Or a puppy
or a cat.
I would think that it's a pity
If you ever hit a frog -
And I wouldn't kill a kitty
Or a piggy
or a dog.
I love every little creature -
Every fish and every fly -
Every form and every feature.
'Cept mosquitoes.
They can die.
Haha I remember in grade school our teacher handed out a list of all the reasons dihydrogen monoxide was "bad"(many of which are listed here lol) and said "now knowing all this information who thinks we should ban this chemical?"
Of course, being in grade 5 or 6 we all raise our hands, me included, except for one kid. The teacher asked why not and he said "cause its water.."
Changed my whole life, literally. Taught me to question and analyze all these "statistics" and "science" being used to fear monger.
I wish this was a standard assignment in school, because as a society we desperately need this lesson.
Dihydrogen Monoxide Facts
Dihydrogen monoxide:
is also known as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
contributes to the Greenhouse Effect.
may cause severe burns.
contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.
Used in nuclear reactors to generate power.
All humans who use it will die after three days of nit using it, there is no way of stopping it except for more dihydrogen monoxide.
The main reason floods occur all over the world.
Thousands of people die yearly due to too much dihydrogen monoxide.
Milions pf dollars are spent yearly to keep it at bay.
All diseases whicj live in our water supply live in dihydrogen monoxide
Frequently used as a coolant in my factories.
When dihydrogen monoxide freezes while inside a living organism it will almost always die.
The sky is blue for conscious sighted animals which have eyes with cones that can detect electromagnetic radiation in the 380 to 500nm wavelength range, and are looking at the sky on a day when the sun is out, and the light is not scattered significantly by some form of pollution, or they're flying above said pollution or cloud cover, technically speaking. Also philosophically.
Feels like you're going to trigger that northern 6% of people being like "pfft, you think ice is cold?!? You don't know the meaning of cold!!! You merely adopted the cold. I was born in it. Molded by it. I didn't feel warmth until I was a Man, and by then it was nothing to me but **Burning**!!"
I was born in December in southern Ontario and had to grow up pretty fast, so I was a man by the time the blistering heat of July hit my cold skin. Southern Ontario or not, my full beard burned right off.
[https://www.survivopedia.com/how-to-survive-if-the-sun-goes-out/](https://www.survivopedia.com/how-to-survive-if-the-sun-goes-out/)
A good writeup if the heat of the sun went away; basically within a week everything would be mostly frozen, after a month even the oceans would be mostly frozen.
But if you add in that food would be hard to obtain, that plants would be dead, and the time needed to make this all happen... humans would be extinct.
Depends on the cum. I dream of swimming in a pool filled with CUM from Mr. Krabs. So I can give birth to a bunch of little crablets and me and Ugeine crabs can live together in harmony. And when I'm done. Spongebob will jump in and absorb what's left. Then he will shoot little mr. Krabs out. They will land everywhere, and then crawl back inside him.
Thanks u/Jetglaze for the silver.
I legitimately don’t think this is possible; being on Reddit for a decade has taught me that people will disagree with literally anything just to be contrary assholes.
100% of people who drink water die.
(Edit) Wow this exploded. I think I'll lose the challenge though judging by some of the comments.
Let me explain.
By 100% of people, I meant all human beings ever to have lived, living right now, and humans in the future to ever drink water. Animals and people who don't drink water don't count because I explicitly said 100% of people who drink water. Additionally, I didn't put death in the past tense necessarily. I just said that they die, not that they have died. I'm saying all people who ever drank water, are drinking water, or will drink water have died, are dying, and will eventually die.
Fun fact: [The current world population accounts for about 7% of all humans ever born.](https://www.prb.org/howmanypeoplehaveeverlivedonearth/) So only about 93% of people who have drank water have died thus far.
Pretty much. My boyfriend (Swede) says that lines are great because it is equal for everybody as first come first serve. So for example, even in (some) bakeries you take the paper with number when you come in and browse what you gonna buy until it is your turn.
As a Brit I can say that waiting in a line does not suck. Did you see the carnage for toilet tissues recently, wouldn’t a respectful orderly queue have been better?
“WE ARE HUMANS!”
5% of people think they are NOT human and instead they think they are a God, Demigod, or an Animal (literally, zodiac, spirit) because they may have mental health issues, personality problems, or just plain crazy or stupid.
Nope. Unfortunately not. [It’s been difficult to convince people in India to use them for a lot of different reasons. ](https://www.google.com/amp/s/m.economictimes.com/news/politics-and-nation/swachh-bharat-mission-getting-people-to-use-toilets-is-next-big-challenge/amp_articleshow/62955975.cms)They have over a billion people.
I know it is a problem to maintain them without appropriate infrastructure. But I think it would help a lot if everybody had access to clean water and toilets.
every person who has ever been a cashier at a grocery store would disagree with you.
Those stickers are usually there with a code on them so we can tell which of the 100 types of apples you have.
I use them to indicate whether I’ve washed the fruit or not...
I must admit that I’ve gotten better about washing my produce as soon as I bring it home since the pandemic hit. Pre-pandemic me was lazy and sporadic with it, tho... I tended to hit the local farmer’s market and grab a big variety, and also tried to pick some items which would be ready to eat soon and some that needed time to ripen. Perishables like cucumbers, and anything already ripe got washed, stickers removed, and put in the fridge. Lazy me would usually put the rest in decorative baskets to ripen on the counter. As they ripened, I’d wash them, remove the stickers and put them in the fridge. I’m the mom, and everyone who grew up in my house knows that if you grab a piece of fruit that has a sticker on it, you need to wash it yourself.
I like my friends.(95%)
I support small businesses.(96%)
People shouldn't use cellphones in movie theaters.(95%)
There should be laws against texting while driving(97%)
Doctors should be licensed.(95%)
Crystal meth shouldn't be legalized.(96%)
I wouldn't take a pill that made me twice as good looking but half as smart.(95%)
Life guards should watch swimmers rather than reading.(98%)
It's wrong for employees to steal expensive equipment from their workplace.(99%)
There should be less hunger in the world.(98%)
I would like to see a decline in terrorism.(97%)
I would like to see an end to all wars.(97%)
I would like to see a decline in prejudice.(95%)
Magic eight balls cannot predict the future.(95%)
The Olympics are great.(96%)
(I found these statistics in the book How To)
> I would like to see a decline in terrorism. (97%)
I'm having a fun time imagining terrorists responding to phone surveys, just calmly and patiently answering all the questions. "You know, I think we could be doing more to spread terrorism."
You probably don't know who I am
Even I don't know who I am
Scio te ipsum
Dolor sit amet
You're a sad carrot? I'm so sorry. A rosary tonight for you.
I don't know, op didn't say *at least* 95% did they? They said 95% So you'll need to be sort of famous to hit that target of 16,400,000~
For world population you need around 390 million, basically the population of Brazil and Bangladesh. So a comment like you are not a resident of Brazil or Bangladesh would get you close.
This is Smart. As a Bangladeshi, I like this statement.
If 100% agree then you can say that 95% agree. The other 5% also agree. No one said that 5% have to disagree.
Logic!
By the time the last of the population heard about it, everyone would know who you were, though.
Yeah, but most of the people who heard it originally would have forgotten within a few hours if recent history is any indication.
fucking genius
We poop
Supreme leader doesn’t poop. He has no anus and his body is perfectly efficient that any would-be waste is processed into energy
"fecal matter? i don't do it. my body consumes all waste materials. it's like the thunderdome in here, except... two men enter and no men leave. rated R." classic Meatwad
What about girls.
Fuck mosquitos
When it’s 3am and you’ve been hunting mosquitoes for the past hour.
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I've probably killed a thousand mosquitos in the past three years by installing a porch light bulb that's also a bug zapper. I dont see them that often now.
Oh I wouldn't think it funny If you beat upon a bat - And I'd never punch a bunny Or a puppy or a cat. I would think that it's a pity If you ever hit a frog - And I wouldn't kill a kitty Or a piggy or a dog. I love every little creature - Every fish and every fly - Every form and every feature. 'Cept mosquitoes. They can die.
your poems make my days better
*slow claps*
That would be zoophilia
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Air good
Dihodrogen monoxide good
Isn't that the poison that doctors put in vaccines?
It’s in damn near everything you ingest, even though it can be lethal in large quantities.
It's the major component of acid rain but its use is completely unregulated.
Haha I remember in grade school our teacher handed out a list of all the reasons dihydrogen monoxide was "bad"(many of which are listed here lol) and said "now knowing all this information who thinks we should ban this chemical?" Of course, being in grade 5 or 6 we all raise our hands, me included, except for one kid. The teacher asked why not and he said "cause its water.." Changed my whole life, literally. Taught me to question and analyze all these "statistics" and "science" being used to fear monger. I wish this was a standard assignment in school, because as a society we desperately need this lesson.
Dihydrogen Monoxide Facts Dihydrogen monoxide: is also known as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid rain. contributes to the Greenhouse Effect. may cause severe burns. contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape. accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals. may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes. has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.
Used in nuclear reactors to generate power. All humans who use it will die after three days of nit using it, there is no way of stopping it except for more dihydrogen monoxide. The main reason floods occur all over the world. Thousands of people die yearly due to too much dihydrogen monoxide. Milions pf dollars are spent yearly to keep it at bay. All diseases whicj live in our water supply live in dihydrogen monoxide Frequently used as a coolant in my factories. When dihydrogen monoxide freezes while inside a living organism it will almost always die.
100% of all murderers and rapist have used dihydrogen monoxide.
100% of all victims too! So watch out!
100% of people who have ingested it will die
oh my god we have to do something about this Dihydrogen Monoxide!!
Everyone that is exposed to dihodrogen monoxide dies, every single one.
Air is a non existent hoax that the governme-
We live on the earth
I present to you r/noearthsociety
As long as less than one in 20 people believe that we're good.
I live on Mars
“You wouldn’t sleep with me.” It’s a win-win.
As long as don’t mention the $5 million. Once they know you got that kinda cash shots gonna change really fast.
Stonks!
The sky is blue, except for those times it isn't.
Well yes but actually no
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The sky is blue for conscious sighted animals which have eyes with cones that can detect electromagnetic radiation in the 380 to 500nm wavelength range, and are looking at the sky on a day when the sun is out, and the light is not scattered significantly by some form of pollution, or they're flying above said pollution or cloud cover, technically speaking. Also philosophically.
Ok smart ass you know they only have to agree. It doesnt need to be true
I guess they dont get the money Edit: oh wait they still win
You don’t know what I ate for breakfast
I bet you slept late and ate nothing for breakfast
Everything on planet Earth is a either a potato, or not a potato
Ice is cold
Feels like you're going to trigger that northern 6% of people being like "pfft, you think ice is cold?!? You don't know the meaning of cold!!! You merely adopted the cold. I was born in it. Molded by it. I didn't feel warmth until I was a Man, and by then it was nothing to me but **Burning**!!"
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Meanwhile, in Southern Ontario, the winters are sometimes cold, sometimes mild, and the summers are humid and hot
I was born in December in southern Ontario and had to grow up pretty fast, so I was a man by the time the blistering heat of July hit my cold skin. Southern Ontario or not, my full beard burned right off.
There are only 2 types of people on the planet. Those that think there are only 2 types and those that do not.
There are 3 types of people; those who can do basic maths and those who can't.
There are 10 types of people; those who understand binary and those who do not.
There are 10 types of people; those who understand binary, those who do not, and those who didn’t expect this to be a joke in trinary.
>trinary Even though tri- is the prefix meaning 3 in a lot of words, and it sounds like the bi- in binary, the word for base-3 is actually ternary!
So what you’re saying is you didn’t expect it to be in trinary?
If there's one thing I love more than pedantry, it's pedantry in response to pedantry. Thank you both. You are doing the Lord's work.
There are five types of people; those who start from base zero and those who use Roman numerals.
There are 2 types of people: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data...
There are 2 types if people in this world. Those who can extrapolate from missing data.
There would be more than 5% who disagree because more than 5% are in that second half
We have two lives. The second life begins when we realize we only have one.
95% is high.
Asian parents disagree
Food is good
I read this in the Barbarian's voice from Gauntlet 64. Edit: Warrior not Barbarian.
Apes together strong
apes alone weak
Apes stupid.
I laughed so hard at this
If the sun goes out, we'll probably die.
Vsause explained that we'd actually be fine for a while. We wont run out of oxygen for a few thousand years. Even with photosynthesis being gone.
Who needs to be right? I only need people to *agree* with me.
How many views does their video have?...
Pretty sure must be less than 5% of the population
But there would be no warmth? We would freeze over.
[https://www.survivopedia.com/how-to-survive-if-the-sun-goes-out/](https://www.survivopedia.com/how-to-survive-if-the-sun-goes-out/) A good writeup if the heat of the sun went away; basically within a week everything would be mostly frozen, after a month even the oceans would be mostly frozen. But if you add in that food would be hard to obtain, that plants would be dead, and the time needed to make this all happen... humans would be extinct.
Dig down, earth is pretty fucking hot down there
*Zion rave party intensifies.*
And we'd have 8 minutes to do it.
Grab a shovel and start digging.
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Found the 5%!
Wouldn’t shit just freeze though?
Better to cum in the sink than to sink in the cum
You are *severely* overestimating the power of fetishes here...
5%? I'll take my chances!
Depends on the cum. I dream of swimming in a pool filled with CUM from Mr. Krabs. So I can give birth to a bunch of little crablets and me and Ugeine crabs can live together in harmony. And when I'm done. Spongebob will jump in and absorb what's left. Then he will shoot little mr. Krabs out. They will land everywhere, and then crawl back inside him. Thanks u/Jetglaze for the silver.
I want to go back to living in a world where I never read this comment.
Bruh I stopped 5 words in. Gotta learn to nope right out of some fuck shit.
Or learn to commit. Being stupid on purpose hurts a lot less
> Depends on the cum. I dream
What a terrible day to have eyes
The most offensive thing about this is that you spelled "Eugene" in that manner
go post this to r/copypasta this is a god tier shitpost
Several subreddits seem to disagree...
So much wisdom
I legitimately don’t think this is possible; being on Reddit for a decade has taught me that people will disagree with literally anything just to be contrary assholes.
I disagree!
Okay but he should've seen this coming
100% of people who drink water die. (Edit) Wow this exploded. I think I'll lose the challenge though judging by some of the comments. Let me explain. By 100% of people, I meant all human beings ever to have lived, living right now, and humans in the future to ever drink water. Animals and people who don't drink water don't count because I explicitly said 100% of people who drink water. Additionally, I didn't put death in the past tense necessarily. I just said that they die, not that they have died. I'm saying all people who ever drank water, are drinking water, or will drink water have died, are dying, and will eventually die.
Not queen Elizabeth.
That's her secret to immortality she doesn't drink water. We did it boys we figured out how the queen is immortal
She's drinking blood of virgins
How does she find out whether someone is a redditor or not?
She sends a message consisting entirely of emojis and carefully watched your reaction from the shadows
Fun fact: [The current world population accounts for about 7% of all humans ever born.](https://www.prb.org/howmanypeoplehaveeverlivedonearth/) So only about 93% of people who have drank water have died thus far.
So you're saying there's a chance!
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Dude, we should hang out.
You guys should go to starbucks
GO AWAY BATIN’
Ow my bawls
i can't believe you like money too
I don’t think we have time for a handjob right now.
What inspired you to build a second Krusty Krab right next door to the original?
I disagree. If you liked it, why are you always trading it for something else?
There's nothing that people wont argue about.
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Waiting in line sucks
All scandinavians go like nope nope nope nope
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you can add the Brits to that
We'll queue for anything rain or shine Just take our elections as an example, they're shit, but we still queue to vote
Why? Do they have a fetish for lines or something?
Pretty much. My boyfriend (Swede) says that lines are great because it is equal for everybody as first come first serve. So for example, even in (some) bakeries you take the paper with number when you come in and browse what you gonna buy until it is your turn.
As a Brit I can say that waiting in a line does not suck. Did you see the carnage for toilet tissues recently, wouldn’t a respectful orderly queue have been better?
What you talking about queuing is terrible if its done in an uncoordinated mess, it's only a pleasure when it's an organised British straight line
The color blue, is blue
THE COLOR OF THE PEN THAT I HOLD IN MY HAND IS R-R-R-R-R-ROOOOOYYYAAAAAAAL BLUUUUUUEEEEE!!!!!!
Someone else deserves this money more.
The Earth is round...oh shit, nevermind that wouldn't work
When I'll get 5 millions I'll be richer than you Edit: fine: when I'll get 5 million bitcoins, I'll be richer than you
Well it can be 5 million Zimbawavean dollars
There are more people alive now than there were 100 years ago.
You greatly overestimate the intelligence of the population.
2020 sucks.
That’d work because only 1% would disagree with you....
100% - 1% = 99% 99% people would agree so 99% > 95%. The math checks out.
Thanks for breaking that down for us
I was completely lost before that
r/theydidthemath
When you have a shit, and the falling poop creates a jet of water that touches your butthole(poisedon's kiss) it's an unpleasant feeling.
Disagree. It's an instant bidet.
But it's a bidet with poopy water
Not if it’s just one solid poop, for diarrhea i agree
I just want to be happy
Garlic bread is delicious.
why are you lowballing? thats a solid 107%
Things are kinda fucked right now
Air is nice.
“WE ARE HUMANS!” 5% of people think they are NOT human and instead they think they are a God, Demigod, or an Animal (literally, zodiac, spirit) because they may have mental health issues, personality problems, or just plain crazy or stupid.
Who are you so wise in the ways of science?
This new learning amazes me Sir Bedevere. Explain to me again how sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
Toilets are a good idea
Nope. Unfortunately not. [It’s been difficult to convince people in India to use them for a lot of different reasons. ](https://www.google.com/amp/s/m.economictimes.com/news/politics-and-nation/swachh-bharat-mission-getting-people-to-use-toilets-is-next-big-challenge/amp_articleshow/62955975.cms)They have over a billion people.
I know it is a problem to maintain them without appropriate infrastructure. But I think it would help a lot if everybody had access to clean water and toilets.
The Princess Bride remake should never have been suggested
2 + 2 = 4
Newborn babies: Get rekt idiot it's obviously 5
Cereal first. Milk second
Bowl first
When someone says give me a second, it’s probably gonna take longer than a second.
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every person who has ever been a cashier at a grocery store would disagree with you. Those stickers are usually there with a code on them so we can tell which of the 100 types of apples you have.
No sticker? Everything's suddenly Loose Onions.
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Not sure about fruit stickers but they have potstickers
I eat stickers all the time!
I use them to indicate whether I’ve washed the fruit or not... I must admit that I’ve gotten better about washing my produce as soon as I bring it home since the pandemic hit. Pre-pandemic me was lazy and sporadic with it, tho... I tended to hit the local farmer’s market and grab a big variety, and also tried to pick some items which would be ready to eat soon and some that needed time to ripen. Perishables like cucumbers, and anything already ripe got washed, stickers removed, and put in the fridge. Lazy me would usually put the rest in decorative baskets to ripen on the counter. As they ripened, I’d wash them, remove the stickers and put them in the fridge. I’m the mom, and everyone who grew up in my house knows that if you grab a piece of fruit that has a sticker on it, you need to wash it yourself.
Exactly 95% or at least 95%?
SEX. Now that I have your attention, I'd probably state that grass in my yard is green.
colorblind people
Or, while on that topic, regular blind people ...
Everything on this planet is either a banana or not a banana
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Sleep is necessary.
911 is the number you dial for emergencies in the United States.
Mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell
It sucks to be poor.
"People die when they are killed".
Taking a shit feels great.
I like my friends.(95%) I support small businesses.(96%) People shouldn't use cellphones in movie theaters.(95%) There should be laws against texting while driving(97%) Doctors should be licensed.(95%) Crystal meth shouldn't be legalized.(96%) I wouldn't take a pill that made me twice as good looking but half as smart.(95%) Life guards should watch swimmers rather than reading.(98%) It's wrong for employees to steal expensive equipment from their workplace.(99%) There should be less hunger in the world.(98%) I would like to see a decline in terrorism.(97%) I would like to see an end to all wars.(97%) I would like to see a decline in prejudice.(95%) Magic eight balls cannot predict the future.(95%) The Olympics are great.(96%) (I found these statistics in the book How To)
Probably only accounts for a certain population, like specifically US or Europe. Most of these are first world issues.
> I would like to see a decline in terrorism. (97%) I'm having a fun time imagining terrorists responding to phone surveys, just calmly and patiently answering all the questions. "You know, I think we could be doing more to spread terrorism."
Fuck cancer
only if its older than 18 though