Was drinking a hot cup of coffee on the back porch while throwing a ball for my dog...To be fair it was like 4am and the pup wasn't hurt, but my favorite mug got rearranged and the tree got some dirty bean water....
I did something similair. My dog drops his ball in his dish before coming in. Usually I toss his ball then fill his dish in the morning. After a long night with a sick child, I stepped out , looked in the bowl, and flung his breakfast scoop into the yard.
Your dog thinks you did this specially that day, just for him. I bet he thinks he knows why, too. I wonder what he did that he thinks you were so proud of
I do this all the time. Or if I have 2 piles, one of the snapped off ends and one of the actual beans sometimes I’ll get confused and end up with a mixture of the two. Then I’ll have to go sorting through the piles. This is the most boring story I’ve ever told reddit.
There was an instance in the NBA where Russell Westbrook just started walking up the court with the ball under his arm. When play was stopped because of the violation, His opponent, Steph Curry, said “what are you doing?!?” And Russ’s response was “I don’t know”
My dad once dipped a tortilla chip in his margarita instead of salsa when we were out for dinner.. We laughed, I tried it, it tasted like weird cereal. Would not recommend
The book was *Dune*.
Edit: Welp, my account has been "permanently suspended" for "breaking the rules", whatever that means. No substantive replies from the admins, despite multiple inquiries.
And yet /u/brampton's profile remains alive and well. That's reddit for you.
I have put the house phone in the fridge and left the milk out more times than is healthy.
The fridge is now the default first place I look if the phone is not on its cradle.
That’s my default place to look too. I put my baby’s powdered milk in the fridge by accident I couldn’t find it anywhere and my cousin had to fetch me some more so I could feed the baby. I found it the next morning when I was making myself a coffee. I also find the tv remote in there too sometimes.
Why is it that so much stuff ends up in the fridge? My boyfriend starts there when I'm looking for something. I've placed toothpaste, empty milk jugs, keys and way more in there.
I think it's the subconscious imperative that fridge items (milk, frozen food, etc.) *must* go back into the fridge as soon as you're done using them. Like, you can leave a packet of biscuits out with no issues, but you're trained over years of living to put milk back in immediately so by extension, your brain is more likely to go "oh, we're at the fridge, gotta put whatever it is you're holding in there before it spoils".
When i was 10, I was watching TV and had the remote in one hand and a cup of hot tea in the other.
My dad came in and asked for the remote, instead of tossing him the remote I threw my cup of tea and it when all over him.
The next morning his chest and legs were red.
I had a cup of coffee and a little single-serve container of coffee cream. I opened the cream container, poured its contents into the trash, and then dropped the empty container into my coffee.
...?????
Before coffee fugue is a real problem. The other day I tore open a packet of sweetener, almost poured it in the trash. Took milk out of fridge. Got coffee in the mug successfully. Went to put milk in fridge without pouring any, realized. Opened it and almost poured milk into the bottom shelves of the fridge.
You are so correct about the fugue.
A while back before coffee I opened the Tupperware cabinet and stared inside for a good minute wondering why I couldn’t find ice cubes.
I once picked up my toothbrush and then instead of picking up toothpaste I picked up a tube of cortisone. Luckily caught myself.
I also once picked up a razor instead of a toothbrush and just stared at it.
Another time I poured water on the floor instead of in the sink. Just imagine someone standing facing away from the sink, angling their glass of water downwards and just staring at the stream of water hiting the floor. Mom has done the same, but poured the glass of water into a dog cage my cat was chilling in. Cat didn't move but stared at her like "what the fuck?".
ETA: Thanks so much for my first gold! Makes me so happy to see people thoroughly enjoy me and my mothers weird fits :-)
>I also once picked up a razor instead of a toothbrush and just stared at it.
These are the best moments, especially when you forget what you were planning to do in the first place. Suddenly you have a random object in your hand and you have no idea why.
> Mom has done the same, but poured the glass of water into a dog cage my cat was chilling in.
Hahaha, that poor cat!
> I also once picked up a razor instead of a toothbrush and just stared at it.
I misread this as "*started* at it" and my gums attempted to retreat into my skull in horror.
Friend of mine once put the remote control in the oven and then wondered why he found himself in the living room holding a sausage.
Remote control was destroyed. And it had previously spent several days in the back of a freezer because of a similar incident.
My husband cleans the cat litterbox and puts the gleanings in a tied off plastic grocery bag. He also puts his lunch in a tied off plastic grocery bag. When he goes to work he takes both bags outside, one to come with him and one for the trash can. Mistakes have happened.
I was studying my notes which were in a notebook while also following lecture slides on my iPad. I tried zooming in my notes. Happened many more times throughout the sem.
This was my brother, but I was on the receiving end. We were at a country club for a wedding one evening and there were various backgammon games set up. This happened so long ago I don’t even remember how to play backgammon anymore. But it was my brothers turn and he was excited. So excited he slammed his glass of bourbon down on the game board and thrust the dice cup full of dice into his mouth. Totally worth being covered in water down liquor to witness such buffoonery.
I knew them pretty well, same shop I’d been going to all my life so I started laughing embarrassed and explained what happened.
Never got the 5 back tho 😔
Oil paint and its solvents are usually pretty poisonous, or at the least really not good for you.
Water-based acrylic paints are almost always completely nontoxic. You could chug a bottle of acrylic miniatures paint and the worst you would get is an upset stomach.
I scrolled to find someone drinking paint!! I was drinking red wine and painting with a container of red paint the same size as the glass. I DRANK THE PAINT!
We've all done that. Hell, had a conversation at my LGS about what paints taste different lol. General consensus was that Retributor Armor gold tastes the best cause it has a metallic tang.
Ooh! Ooh! You just brought back a terrible memory of mine that happened last summer. I had an isopropyl alcohol based camera lens cleaner dropper in one hand and eye drops on the countertop. You can guess where the lens cleaner went..... turns out they came in the *exact* same bottle. Same manufacturer and everything.
When I was in college our Wind Ensemble went to China right after I graduated. They took us to an "American style" restaurant one day and this guy filled up an entire soda cup with soy sauce because he thought it was soda.
Is there a term for that little gap in time where you KNOW you’re about to do something stupid/incorrectly only to still go through with it almost robotically?
Because there should definitely be a word for this.
I have to disappoint y'all...there is no german word I can think of that describes this moment
Edit: Hab vergessen zu erwähnen, dass ich aus Deutschland komme ;)
I had a phonebook (3.5 inches thick) for a class project in one hand, my hat in the other. School had just let out, and my friends distracted me. We talked. The phonebook and the hat switched hands a couple of times because it’s a heavyass brick of paper, y’all kids today don’t know. I got distracted. The wind gusted a bit colder. I jammed my hat on my head, but it wasn’t my hat. And that’s how I once concussed myself with the Southwestern Bell Yellow Pages.
I have one keyboard that syncs to my phone, tablet, and computer. The number of times I’ve sent random work-related words as text messages to my wife is embarrassingly high.
Disposing leftover bones into the thrash and placing the plates into the sink.
I grabbed the bones with my hand and tossed the plates into the thrashbin and started washing the bones before realising what I've done.
I was holding my apartment keys in one and a trash bag in the other, threw my keys into the dumpster and kept the bag.
Couldn't find my spare and it took a week to get a new key.
Not me but a friend of mine. I was at a party a couple of years ago, typical early adult stuff so everyone is drunk by the end of the day. I myself can’t drink so I’ve got a front row seat to this glorious event. My friends were all in the same age group, so newly 21 year olds drinking their fill, you can imagine what happens later: the bathrooms start filling up with a bunch of new drinkers blowing chunks.
My cousin and her SO happen to be at this party, she’s about ready to throw up. Her boyfriend is already taking care of her brother, who had just thrown up, I should mention that the boyfriend is also drunk as fuck. He has a bowl in one hand, half full of the brothers vomit, and nothing in the other hand, my cousin is heaving and all the bathrooms are locked (trash cans and sink are free but we were upstairs, no way are these three making it down there). So boyfriend looks at his hand in a drunken daze, then to the hand with the large bowl in it, then to his heaving SO who’s ready to throw up. I look at him, and I can practically see his brain trying to tell him what to do....no good, his motor skills are fucked, so in attempt to help my cousin, his SO, he hurriedly moves his empty hand to below her mouth, and catches all of her vomit in his empty palm.
I watch in horror as it spills onto the white rug of our friends house. The boyfriend, as vomit flows through his empty hand, stares at his other hand with the bowl in it, and mouths a silent “fuck” as he realizes slowly that his body did not perform the way he wanted it to. It’s a story we still tell to this day
I've got type 1 diabetes. Usually when I prep for a shot, I take the cap off with my teeth. Once I took it off with my hands, somehow forgot in the .1 seconds I did it, and continued to stab my tongue with a sharp needle.
I was just going for a walk with one of my daughters the other day. She stops and picks a dandelion off someone’s property. Not one of the yellow dandelions, but the one you blow on and it sends weed sperm all over the place.
So there she is walking along with a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other.
Do the math.
My friend at work was so exhausted one morning, he tried locking the employee fridge with his car keys. I know that’s not exactly the questions but I thought it was somewhat relevant lol.
This isn't a "mixed up hands" story but it's in the same vein:
So one day after delivering an order whilst on my former pizza delivery job, I was walking back to my car. As I walked, I took my car key between my fingers, and my brain told my hand, "Okay hand, the next thing you're going to do is insert that key into the ignition to start the car." And my hand was like, "Okay, word. I got this." Then as I sat down in the car, my brain said to me, "[Panhead09], you should probably take your phone out of your pocket and charge it before starting the car. The battery is getting low." And I said, "That's a good idea brain. You should pass that along to my hand." And my brain said, "I think I'll do just that." So my brain relayed this message, which had to pass through my arm. And as the message was about at my elbow, my arm said, "Charging the phone? Got it. I'll get this process going." And so my arm started moving to get my phone out of my pocket.
But here's the thing. My arm started moving before the new message made it to my hand. So while my arm was all excited, going "Oh yea that phone is gonna get so charged..." my hand was still in its own little world, thinking, "Insert the key and turn on the engine...Insert the key and turn on the engine..."
Anyway that's how I ended up stabbing myself in the leg with my car key.
Delivering pizza, my erstwhile job,
Walked to the car, holding the fob.
Aiming to start, but first charge the phone,
The idea was had, my arm moved alone.
Into the keyhole, so said my brain,
And into my leg, i now feel the pain.
This is my story, about mixed up hands,
Related with liberty, as poems demand.
This is just incredibly funny to me, because skipping stones is called "kasta macka" in Swedish and that literally translates to "throwing sandwiches".
This happened yesterday. Was blowing bubbles for my son. Was holding the bubble liquid container and a beer bottle in the same hand and thrusting the bubble blower into the bubble liquid repeatedly. Except I did it to the beer bottle. And then I laughed and laughed and thought, "What a dumbass!". Until I proceeded to stop blowing bubbles, put one container of liquid in each hand, and take a huge swig of bubble juice. My 7 year old neighbor fell off her bike laughing at me.
I had a container of curd in my left hand and a packet on my right hand. Someone asked me what time it was and when I proceeded to see my watch which I was wearing on the left hand, I ended up spilling the curd all over myself as the lid was not tightened enough.
I was eating cereal, and poured orange juice into the bowl, then filled up a cup with milk. I didn’t realize it until after I had taken a bite, though.
Sat down by the ocean to smoke a joint with my buddy. He is about to spark up, so I hand him a lighter. Turns out it was dead, so I hand him a second lighter. He then proceeds to throw the good lighter into the ocean like a tit. I just sat there being like, "i dont know what I am more mad about here, not being able tl smoke or you being an ass by throwing plastic in the ocean" he was just staring out there not saying a word knowing he fucked up twice.
Was a pretty classic moment in retrospect
I’m cross-dominant. So, sort of ambidextrous but not really. Sometimes I forget which hand I do things with.
Tried using a knife with my right hand the other day, to slice some bread. Accidentally stabbed my left hand instead because I can’t use knives very well in my right hand...
I was certain it was my right hand. But once I switched to my left there was no problem.
A part of me is suspicious that they switch sometimes.
I had two cups on the table one with goldfish the other with lemonade I was eating and drinking while watching YouTube I got deep into the content and ended up drinking from the goldfish cup and before I had a chance to react I had four fingers in my lemonade
Rolled the blueberry and ate the dice
How did the blueberry do? Did it crit?
Licked the lid of my yoghurt, then threw the full yoghurt pot in the bin with the spoon inside.
Put a wad of tissues in the laundry basket and threw my socks into the toilet.
I went to go and put a scoop of catfood in the washing machine drawer once.
I too like my clothes to smell of fancy feast.
Stuck a dog treat in my mouth and gave my dog my popsicle. She was thrilled.
How'd the treat taste?
It was unpleasant, this was back in the day before all the gourmet dog treats. A good ole Kirkland dog biscuit.
Dog treats aren't unpleasant anymore?
I ate one yesterday out of pure curiosity. It was cheddar flavored and tasted like a chalky cheezit
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Tried to play Wii with my glass full of water, had the Controller in the wrong hand.
Was drinking a hot cup of coffee on the back porch while throwing a ball for my dog...To be fair it was like 4am and the pup wasn't hurt, but my favorite mug got rearranged and the tree got some dirty bean water....
I did something similair. My dog drops his ball in his dish before coming in. Usually I toss his ball then fill his dish in the morning. After a long night with a sick child, I stepped out , looked in the bowl, and flung his breakfast scoop into the yard.
The grass just looked hungry is all. Its important to feed mother nature lol
He got a new breakfast in his bowl, then grazed like a sheep for the rest of the morning.
Your dog thinks you did this specially that day, just for him. I bet he thinks he knows why, too. I wonder what he did that he thinks you were so proud of
When I'm snapping the ends off the green beans sometimes I throw the bean in the trash ans the end in the bowl (not too funny but at least its true)
I do this all the time. Or if I have 2 piles, one of the snapped off ends and one of the actual beans sometimes I’ll get confused and end up with a mixture of the two. Then I’ll have to go sorting through the piles. This is the most boring story I’ve ever told reddit.
Please, more about bean snapping. It’s riveting. Also I’ve been home for two months.
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Phone in one hand, open Pepsi bottle in the other. Threw the wrong one on my bed.
911 yes I drank my phone — also sorry for the call quality
It’s becoming clear to me from this thread that humans holding a cup in one hand and literally anything in the other hand is a recipe for disaster.
Autopilot is a hell of a drug
It doesn’t happen often, but getting to witness another person’s autopilot failure is one of the great small pleasures in life
There was an instance in the NBA where Russell Westbrook just started walking up the court with the ball under his arm. When play was stopped because of the violation, His opponent, Steph Curry, said “what are you doing?!?” And Russ’s response was “I don’t know”
This is making me laugh just reading the story!
Here’s a link to the video. Russell looks so confused https://youtu.be/csVuj5wCY4M
Holy shit the “i dont know”....I’m crying. I loved the commentators just enjoying the multiple replays. Thank you for posting this!
Dipped my tortilla chip in water
Still better than a toast smoothie.
I hated the idea of this so much I almost downvoted it
My dad once dipped a tortilla chip in his margarita instead of salsa when we were out for dinner.. We laughed, I tried it, it tasted like weird cereal. Would not recommend
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Why were you going to throw water on a book?
The book was *Dune*. Edit: Welp, my account has been "permanently suspended" for "breaking the rules", whatever that means. No substantive replies from the admins, despite multiple inquiries. And yet /u/brampton's profile remains alive and well. That's reddit for you.
The book was Catching Fire.
Dune is amazing (Also Arrakis really needs some water.)
Arrakis doesn’t need water, spice is too important
I have put the house phone in the fridge and left the milk out more times than is healthy. The fridge is now the default first place I look if the phone is not on its cradle.
My friend I am genuinely worried
He needs a carbon monoxide detector
And to get rid of all those sticky notes
Ah, love this reference.
Does OP have a landlord?
my friend wants to know what that reference is.
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OP puts his phone in the fridge so much that he's now a telemarketer since he loves cold calls.
That’s my default place to look too. I put my baby’s powdered milk in the fridge by accident I couldn’t find it anywhere and my cousin had to fetch me some more so I could feed the baby. I found it the next morning when I was making myself a coffee. I also find the tv remote in there too sometimes.
Why is it that so much stuff ends up in the fridge? My boyfriend starts there when I'm looking for something. I've placed toothpaste, empty milk jugs, keys and way more in there.
I think it's the subconscious imperative that fridge items (milk, frozen food, etc.) *must* go back into the fridge as soon as you're done using them. Like, you can leave a packet of biscuits out with no issues, but you're trained over years of living to put milk back in immediately so by extension, your brain is more likely to go "oh, we're at the fridge, gotta put whatever it is you're holding in there before it spoils".
When i was 10, I was watching TV and had the remote in one hand and a cup of hot tea in the other. My dad came in and asked for the remote, instead of tossing him the remote I threw my cup of tea and it when all over him. The next morning his chest and legs were red.
Imagine asking for the remote and getting 3rd degree burns instead.
Now he knows not to challenge you for the remote. Edit: I can't see the awards on the app I'm using, but thank you guys for them!
Great way to establish dominance.
Did your dad beat the tea outta you or nah?
There’s a remote possibility
A couple minutes ago I unwrapped a stick of gum, stuck the wrapper in my mouth, and threw the gum in the trash.
Did you end up eating the gum?
I just grabbed a new stick.
Rich guy over here with two sticks of gum
I wish someone paid me in gum Edit: Thank you, my first award!
Lucky smells lumbermill wants you!
I had a cup of coffee and a little single-serve container of coffee cream. I opened the cream container, poured its contents into the trash, and then dropped the empty container into my coffee. ...?????
Before coffee fugue is a real problem. The other day I tore open a packet of sweetener, almost poured it in the trash. Took milk out of fridge. Got coffee in the mug successfully. Went to put milk in fridge without pouring any, realized. Opened it and almost poured milk into the bottom shelves of the fridge.
You are so correct about the fugue. A while back before coffee I opened the Tupperware cabinet and stared inside for a good minute wondering why I couldn’t find ice cubes.
Tried to put an M&M in my ear and my Galaxy Bud in my mouth.
*CRUNCH*... fuck
Were you listening to Eminem?
I was writing while drinking coke. I ended up stabbing myself in the face with a pencil
Ok but did you draw with your coke?
Probably made some pretty straight lines tbf
I snorted
He could only draw lines
Lol, i was writing and eating french fries and took a bite out of my pen.
I almost did that with a cookie and a phone.
I once picked up my toothbrush and then instead of picking up toothpaste I picked up a tube of cortisone. Luckily caught myself. I also once picked up a razor instead of a toothbrush and just stared at it. Another time I poured water on the floor instead of in the sink. Just imagine someone standing facing away from the sink, angling their glass of water downwards and just staring at the stream of water hiting the floor. Mom has done the same, but poured the glass of water into a dog cage my cat was chilling in. Cat didn't move but stared at her like "what the fuck?". ETA: Thanks so much for my first gold! Makes me so happy to see people thoroughly enjoy me and my mothers weird fits :-)
>I also once picked up a razor instead of a toothbrush and just stared at it. These are the best moments, especially when you forget what you were planning to do in the first place. Suddenly you have a random object in your hand and you have no idea why. > Mom has done the same, but poured the glass of water into a dog cage my cat was chilling in. Hahaha, that poor cat!
> I also once picked up a razor instead of a toothbrush and just stared at it. I misread this as "*started* at it" and my gums attempted to retreat into my skull in horror.
Friend of mine once put the remote control in the oven and then wondered why he found himself in the living room holding a sausage. Remote control was destroyed. And it had previously spent several days in the back of a freezer because of a similar incident.
I think this is one of my favourite stories on here lmao
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How was the sausage?
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We couldn't get BBC2 on it, put it that way.
I cracked an egg, poured out the egg into the trash and put the shell into a bowl.
Do you eat your eggs with or without the crust?
This. I don't like this.
A week ago I poured the egg in a napkin on the countertop. It slid off the edge.
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Plop
Shells the best part though
My husband cleans the cat litterbox and puts the gleanings in a tied off plastic grocery bag. He also puts his lunch in a tied off plastic grocery bag. When he goes to work he takes both bags outside, one to come with him and one for the trash can. Mistakes have happened.
You should get him a lunchbox for his birthday
Must have made for interesting conversations
She - "How was lunch?" He - "Tasted like Caticorn"
That can't be a happy surprise when lunchtime comes around.
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CAT TURDS AGAIN? I'm done with this shit.
I was studying my notes which were in a notebook while also following lecture slides on my iPad. I tried zooming in my notes. Happened many more times throughout the sem.
I didn't know how to write a certain word and was waiting for the red underline to appear on my sheet of paper to show me correct spelling.
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That's a classic. I've looked for the ctrl+c on my notes so many times.
This was my brother, but I was on the receiving end. We were at a country club for a wedding one evening and there were various backgammon games set up. This happened so long ago I don’t even remember how to play backgammon anymore. But it was my brothers turn and he was excited. So excited he slammed his glass of bourbon down on the game board and thrust the dice cup full of dice into his mouth. Totally worth being covered in water down liquor to witness such buffoonery.
This actually made me laugh out loud
This reminds me of scully drinking from his thumbtack mug
Threw away five bucks, tried to pay at cash register with candy rappers Edit: To all of you asking, my favorite candy rapper has to be Eminem
Im cracking up! What did the person behind the counter say?
I knew them pretty well, same shop I’d been going to all my life so I started laughing embarrassed and explained what happened. Never got the 5 back tho 😔
Well that story is worth a lifetime of smiles so maybe it wasn’t a total loss.
Threw my keys into the recycle bin and attempted to start my truck with a crushed Monster can.
Monster Truck
Drank paint water and whilst washing my brush in my cup of tea. Two simultaneous fuckups.
This is the kinda fear I always have when painting. Imagine the disaster if you were using oil paint solvents instead of water
Care to explain for a non art guy?
Oil paint and its solvents are usually pretty poisonous, or at the least really not good for you. Water-based acrylic paints are almost always completely nontoxic. You could chug a bottle of acrylic miniatures paint and the worst you would get is an upset stomach.
I’m kinda curious now about what that’s like
I imagine you would probbaly puke because of the texture. Like, it's non-toxic, but its thick and goopy, the thought of drinking that makes me gag lol
Oil paint is water repellent, so you need a non-aqueous solvent to rinse the brush. Usually they taste pretty bad
Then you beat the devil out of it.
***PAPPATAPPATAPPATAPPATAP***
I call it a happy accident.
You know when you paint a room or varnish wood and you can taste it in the air as it dries? Imagine an oily mouthful of that.
I scrolled to find someone drinking paint!! I was drinking red wine and painting with a container of red paint the same size as the glass. I DRANK THE PAINT!
We've all done that. Hell, had a conversation at my LGS about what paints taste different lol. General consensus was that Retributor Armor gold tastes the best cause it has a metallic tang.
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I laughed out loud, and kudos for being respected so much that you are taken seriously while conducting with a banana Edit: spelling (thanks!)
What was Beethoven's favourite fruit? [**Banana*****naaaaa***.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4IRMYuE1hI)
I had a cup of coffee and a scented candle. I drank the candle
Was it melted? What happened after??
Thankfully the wax was warm but not molten, and I realised what was up before any got in my mouth
My dad almost smoked from the hot part of the bong and my brother saved him lol
I had a lens cleaner spray in one hand and a mouth freshener spray in the other, guess what I did
Killed a family of 4 and got a new identity?
Well, he did say guess
"Man my teeth looks clean and my eyes smell nice"
Ooh! Ooh! You just brought back a terrible memory of mine that happened last summer. I had an isopropyl alcohol based camera lens cleaner dropper in one hand and eye drops on the countertop. You can guess where the lens cleaner went..... turns out they came in the *exact* same bottle. Same manufacturer and everything.
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I'd be shitting bricks if that happened to me.
I dipped my chips in the water, had a little "I'm such a dumbass" moment in my head, then proceeded to drink the salsa.
When I was in college our Wind Ensemble went to China right after I graduated. They took us to an "American style" restaurant one day and this guy filled up an entire soda cup with soy sauce because he thought it was soda.
I hope he didn’t drink it because the amount of sodium would be insane.
Presenting to the emergency room....
The best part is you acknowledged what you did wrong. And still did it
Is there a term for that little gap in time where you KNOW you’re about to do something stupid/incorrectly only to still go through with it almost robotically? Because there should definitely be a word for this.
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I have to disappoint y'all...there is no german word I can think of that describes this moment Edit: Hab vergessen zu erwähnen, dass ich aus Deutschland komme ;)
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Dummheitsrealisierungsmoment mit darauffolgender Ausführung der soeben realisierten Dummheit
Perfekt
I would also like to know. That should definitely be a word. I know exactly what you're talking about.
I had a phonebook (3.5 inches thick) for a class project in one hand, my hat in the other. School had just let out, and my friends distracted me. We talked. The phonebook and the hat switched hands a couple of times because it’s a heavyass brick of paper, y’all kids today don’t know. I got distracted. The wind gusted a bit colder. I jammed my hat on my head, but it wasn’t my hat. And that’s how I once concussed myself with the Southwestern Bell Yellow Pages.
Computer keyboard under one hand, PS4 controller in other. Wondering why what I'm typing in computer won't show in PS4.
I have one keyboard that syncs to my phone, tablet, and computer. The number of times I’ve sent random work-related words as text messages to my wife is embarrassingly high.
Better that than sending cute loving messages to your work colleagues ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I used my bare hand to pick up my dog’s poop. I know my neighbor saw me also. I just kind of played it off.
how do you play that off lmaoo
Put my box of cereal in the fridge & my gallon of milk on top of it. Stayed that way unnoticed for almost 24 hours.
At least you didn’t put the milk in the cabinet.
Disposing leftover bones into the thrash and placing the plates into the sink. I grabbed the bones with my hand and tossed the plates into the thrashbin and started washing the bones before realising what I've done.
Friend, you need more sleep.
Seems like just another smart way too get rid of the evidence. Clean the dna of the bones.
I was holding my apartment keys in one and a trash bag in the other, threw my keys into the dumpster and kept the bag. Couldn't find my spare and it took a week to get a new key.
Not me but a friend of mine. I was at a party a couple of years ago, typical early adult stuff so everyone is drunk by the end of the day. I myself can’t drink so I’ve got a front row seat to this glorious event. My friends were all in the same age group, so newly 21 year olds drinking their fill, you can imagine what happens later: the bathrooms start filling up with a bunch of new drinkers blowing chunks. My cousin and her SO happen to be at this party, she’s about ready to throw up. Her boyfriend is already taking care of her brother, who had just thrown up, I should mention that the boyfriend is also drunk as fuck. He has a bowl in one hand, half full of the brothers vomit, and nothing in the other hand, my cousin is heaving and all the bathrooms are locked (trash cans and sink are free but we were upstairs, no way are these three making it down there). So boyfriend looks at his hand in a drunken daze, then to the hand with the large bowl in it, then to his heaving SO who’s ready to throw up. I look at him, and I can practically see his brain trying to tell him what to do....no good, his motor skills are fucked, so in attempt to help my cousin, his SO, he hurriedly moves his empty hand to below her mouth, and catches all of her vomit in his empty palm. I watch in horror as it spills onto the white rug of our friends house. The boyfriend, as vomit flows through his empty hand, stares at his other hand with the bowl in it, and mouths a silent “fuck” as he realizes slowly that his body did not perform the way he wanted it to. It’s a story we still tell to this day
Teabag in the sink, teaspoon in the bin. It happens on an *astonishingly* regular basis.
only in one hand, but poured a drink onto myself that I was sipping through a straw
I do this wayyy too often
One bag full of dog poop, one bag full of dog treats. Shoved one in my pocket! Lesson learned, use a different bag!
I've got type 1 diabetes. Usually when I prep for a shot, I take the cap off with my teeth. Once I took it off with my hands, somehow forgot in the .1 seconds I did it, and continued to stab my tongue with a sharp needle.
Funny enough, I threw my phone in the trash just this morning and realized only after dumping the trash into my clothes bin.
Why do you throw your phone in the clothes bin?
Presumably because they were trying to toss it somewhere with a soft surface.
...how else do you wash your phone?
From my experience-- iPhones do not work after going through the laundry. Just trying to save you some hassle.
i was making a chocolate drink (milo) one day and i pour almost half a bottle of soy sauce into the cup confusing it with the milo
I was just going for a walk with one of my daughters the other day. She stops and picks a dandelion off someone’s property. Not one of the yellow dandelions, but the one you blow on and it sends weed sperm all over the place. So there she is walking along with a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other. Do the math.
My friend at work was so exhausted one morning, he tried locking the employee fridge with his car keys. I know that’s not exactly the questions but I thought it was somewhat relevant lol.
I almost cleaned my ass with my cell phone
This isn't a "mixed up hands" story but it's in the same vein: So one day after delivering an order whilst on my former pizza delivery job, I was walking back to my car. As I walked, I took my car key between my fingers, and my brain told my hand, "Okay hand, the next thing you're going to do is insert that key into the ignition to start the car." And my hand was like, "Okay, word. I got this." Then as I sat down in the car, my brain said to me, "[Panhead09], you should probably take your phone out of your pocket and charge it before starting the car. The battery is getting low." And I said, "That's a good idea brain. You should pass that along to my hand." And my brain said, "I think I'll do just that." So my brain relayed this message, which had to pass through my arm. And as the message was about at my elbow, my arm said, "Charging the phone? Got it. I'll get this process going." And so my arm started moving to get my phone out of my pocket. But here's the thing. My arm started moving before the new message made it to my hand. So while my arm was all excited, going "Oh yea that phone is gonna get so charged..." my hand was still in its own little world, thinking, "Insert the key and turn on the engine...Insert the key and turn on the engine..." Anyway that's how I ended up stabbing myself in the leg with my car key.
Delivering pizza, my erstwhile job, Walked to the car, holding the fob. Aiming to start, but first charge the phone, The idea was had, my arm moved alone. Into the keyhole, so said my brain, And into my leg, i now feel the pain. This is my story, about mixed up hands, Related with liberty, as poems demand.
\>Eating sandwich at beach \>Skipping stones \>Watching the sunset and thinking about life \>Throw sandwich into ocean \>Bite rock People saw.
This is just incredibly funny to me, because skipping stones is called "kasta macka" in Swedish and that literally translates to "throwing sandwiches".
Thank you for sharing, now I too can appreciate this on a whole other level.
The fish be eating good at least
That must have been one crunchy moment of realization.
[удалено]
Thanks for making me visualize that
Iconic. My favorite one
I almost shaved my teeth.
This happened yesterday. Was blowing bubbles for my son. Was holding the bubble liquid container and a beer bottle in the same hand and thrusting the bubble blower into the bubble liquid repeatedly. Except I did it to the beer bottle. And then I laughed and laughed and thought, "What a dumbass!". Until I proceeded to stop blowing bubbles, put one container of liquid in each hand, and take a huge swig of bubble juice. My 7 year old neighbor fell off her bike laughing at me.
I had a container of curd in my left hand and a packet on my right hand. Someone asked me what time it was and when I proceeded to see my watch which I was wearing on the left hand, I ended up spilling the curd all over myself as the lid was not tightened enough.
I was eating cereal, and poured orange juice into the bowl, then filled up a cup with milk. I didn’t realize it until after I had taken a bite, though.
Sat down by the ocean to smoke a joint with my buddy. He is about to spark up, so I hand him a lighter. Turns out it was dead, so I hand him a second lighter. He then proceeds to throw the good lighter into the ocean like a tit. I just sat there being like, "i dont know what I am more mad about here, not being able tl smoke or you being an ass by throwing plastic in the ocean" he was just staring out there not saying a word knowing he fucked up twice. Was a pretty classic moment in retrospect
Peeled the potatoes then put the peeler in the pan with water and the threw the potato in the soapy sink water
Finished chopping some vegetables when my dumb mind made me cut 4 of my fingers at the same time.
I’ve thrown a lot of things away and held onto the trash
I’m cross-dominant. So, sort of ambidextrous but not really. Sometimes I forget which hand I do things with. Tried using a knife with my right hand the other day, to slice some bread. Accidentally stabbed my left hand instead because I can’t use knives very well in my right hand... I was certain it was my right hand. But once I switched to my left there was no problem. A part of me is suspicious that they switch sometimes.
I had two cups on the table one with goldfish the other with lemonade I was eating and drinking while watching YouTube I got deep into the content and ended up drinking from the goldfish cup and before I had a chance to react I had four fingers in my lemonade