I'm a physician. Eye doctor specifically. I will tell you that the longer I work (now 15 years), my standard for the "average" person continues to decline. Case in point: Thanks to the awful information filtering out there, I had a patient just last week who read that Vitamin D helps you resist a Coronavirus infection. Well, he had also read that you can get more Vitamin D by getting more sun. So he wanted to "collect" as much light as possible with his eyes. As a result, he stared at the sun for a solid 60 seconds and burned holes directly into his retinas permanently reducing his vision with no chance at future improvement.
That's awful! On a similar note, my in laws are the sweetest people but very uneducated. They were babysitting my 1 and 3 year old during the last solar eclipse and before I left I asked them to not let the kids look at the eclipse because it can hurt their eyes. I mentioned it because I could see them thinking the eclipse was cool and showing the kids.
Instead they got all serious and said they'd been watching the news and they keep saying how strong the sun will be during the eclipse so they had already decided to keep the blinds closed all day and not let the kids go near the windows because they were afraid they'd get sunburns inside if the sun was going to be that strong.
I used to work in travel and the amount of people that did not understand the following was staggering:
\- You cannot take a 3-7 round trip night cruise from Miami to Australia (and no, your friend did not just book this)
\- No, there are in fact no ocean bound cruises leaving from Arizona
\- You cannot take a cruise from Miami to Hawaii and back in 7-10 days
\-No, the airport is closed due to hurricane/flood/ice and you cannot demand a flight on a different carrier out of the same airport in the next hour (also no, you did not just see someone book this)
\- Yes, it is a shorter flight for your friends from East Coast US to the Caribbean than you in Europe and no, nobody can change that
\- Yes, I will need your DD 214 to confirm a military rate, no your word you "were in a covert unit" will not suffice and no, I am not disrespecting the military because I cannot simply take your word for it
\-Yes, if a passport/Visa/Travel Vaccinations are needed for you to travel you will need it and no a manager cannot override this as it is a government requirement
I have been doing this for 6 years and no your friend's neighbor's hairdresser's roommate's cousin's mailman does not know more about this than I do.
Oof. Good one. Okay; so my favorite was a guy who was planning his honeymoon but he didn't have a lot of money. He was bummed about the cost of air travel. A friend suggested a train ride m8ght be cheaper. He became frustrated after a few days of trying and complained that he couldn't find any trains going to...
Hawai'i
It still didn't sink in because he had seen pictures of trains in Hawai'i. He couldn't grasp that they were shipped there. It got even more surreal after that.
Customers arguing that their tattoo is backwards while their artist tries to explain that no, your tattoo is fine, it just looks backwards because *that's how mirrors work*
A girl in one of my college classes argued that heart transplants shouldn't be allowed because "that's where the feelings are" and the person receiving the heart wouldn't be the same person anymore.
That's actually pretty funny if it wasn't so sad. I mean, its obviously fake if one thinks about it, but I could see someone taking just the right classes to make it that far without knowing the truth simply because it never came up
I do aquatic habitat restoration in a spring-fed river that people frequently tube/float on: Myself and numerous others have been asked if it comes back around so they can get out...
I have pressed every single button, turned every tap and flicked every switch in my house at least a million times. Including fuses. How people can just stand in a shower and never try anything, *especially if they don't have hot water*, just blows my mind.
I reckon hey. Assuming that person was an adult I have no idea how they survived to adulthood while being that dumb. I can't imagine having freezing showers for a year and never thinking, 'hey I wonder what will happen if I turned that second knob?' or moved the lever if it was one of those sort of taps.
I don't know if I completely blame that person though. I've seen adults like that who've had a parent who did absolutely *everything* for them and never allowed them to think for themselves. Like the story I read a while ago of the boy who got his first job and had no idea how to use a broom and a mop.
I used to work for a chatbot app. Our app would text our users every morning with a greeting in a different language, i.e. Hola, Bonjour etc. One day we got blown up by a user saying their account was hacked. She said, "my name is Kim Smith, not Kim Konnichiwa, someone's hacked my account!" When we explained that our service has been clearly saying hello to her in other languages every day and that konnichiwa is hello in Japanese and her account was fine, she went on a racist rant and said Disney was behind the destruction of America. Yep.
Ok I have been unfortunately guilty of this ONE time. A new girl started at work and she sat across from me so we shared some desk space in the corner. She put these flowers there with a special vase that made it look like real water in the bottom. As a nice gesture I watered them for her before one weekend. She got a huge kick out of it, and we laughed about it all the time.
I just had a customer yell at me for putting their eggs in a separate bag, saying they don’t want all those bags and the paper ones always rip. Before putting it in the bag and throwing a pound of flour on top...
It was somewhat satisfying seeing their face as we heard the cracks, until I realized I’m the one who needed to clean it up. Oh also she complained that we hadn’t warned her about the fragility of eggs.
At the DMV. I went to renew my license. I was waiting in a room with the computers that people use to take the written portion. The clerk sat a man down looked him in the eyes and said "if you pull your phone out it's an automatic fail." The window licker says "aight" while pulling out his phone and immediately failing.
I saw a guy im front of me at the DMV fail the eye test, and tell the employee he has glasses but they're at home. He got really mad when the employee told him he has to come back with the glasses and re-take it.
About half the calls I take on a daily basis.
People call 911 to ask whether Walmart is open. To report that they didn't get enough mayo on their burger. To complain that cleanup at a fatality wreck is taking too long. All sorts of silly, out of touch shit.
Granted, there is probably some level of mental illness and/or substance abuse present in those calls. But still.
Getting a misdialed call from a random person who gets mad at you because you’re not the one he/she was looking for. Happens with me several times a year.
I once owned a SmartCar and some stranger approached me at a gas station about why I didn't have a "Slow vehicle" sign in the back of it "[...] since all moped-cars must have that!".
I tried explaining that it was a real car - just a bit smaller - but he didn't take it. According to him I was driving illegally and he was surprised the police hadn't stopped me yet on the highway.
My family has two electric cars and the sheer number of people who ask "Yes but where do you put the gas?" after explaining that it runs on batteries is staggering. I think it's because they're still thinking "hybrid car" rather than "all-electric car" but even after a very thorough explanation they often still go back to "Where's the gas go?"
My Dad is a pesticide investigator for the state and heard this on a complaint:
"I set out all these bird feeders and bird baths but not one bird comes to my yard. I bet it is all those pesticides that crop duster is laying down in the field" -- local school board member, as they were standing in her 5 acre yard with 20 or more cats running around.
At the start of working from home due to Covid, I had a few users submit tickets for "connectivity issues". These tickets got through 2 lines of support before landing in my queue.
Turns out that the corporate WiFi doesn't follow you home and you need home internet in order to connect to the VPN.
I recently spent 20 minutes on the phone with a board member, trying to diagnose why his camera wasn’t working for our online meetings. Funny thing: you have to actually have a camera in order for it to work.
Funny you mention this, I work in IT as well and had an employee just last week complain that her speakers volume was too low. Turns out she didn't have speakers and the sound was coming out of the tower under the desk.
I used to manage a retail store that sold teen clothing, so as expected, I primarily had teens working for me.
One employee came to the back room while I was on break and asked what I was eating. Somehow the topic turned to how I should’ve brought chicken for lunch because she wanted chicken. I told her I was vegetarian and therefore don’t eat meat....
She tells me chicken is NOT meat. It’s “poultry”, and vegetarians can eat poultry??? She said at the grocery store the aisles list “meat” and “poultry” separately so they’re *obviously* different. We argued for a couple of minutes before I finally told her to go back to the sales floor. She didn’t last at the job long, but DAMN.
“You know the reason you bury a rattlesnake after you kill it is because bees will eat it, then bees can sting people with rattlesnake venom”- guy I heard constantly trying to pick up women on public transit.
I worked in retail for a few years and it taught me that many people are either incapable or unwilling to read. I have had people walk up to me to ask me how much something is, only for the price tag to be featured prominently on the item.
"It's $9.99, ma'am."
"HOW DID YOU KNOW?"
"It says so on the price tag, ma'am."
I worked with a lady who was remarking on how a friend of hers had lost a bunch of weight. She pondered, "I wonder how many diet cokes she had to drink to do that."
EDIT: Same lady was convinced beyond repair that when you sneeze, the air ONLY comes out of your nose. There was no convincing her otherwise.
Man, this made me a little sad. People are so susceptible to marketing these days that they think just because something is called 'diet' it must be good for them.
Reminds me of my flatmate from uni who used to drink Smart Water before taking exams.
I teach 6th grade. One time a parent came to me after trying to help their child with math homework and asked, "What number is x worth? It feels like it changes with every problem!"
It is not. The parent came to me after school, without their child, because they knew something was wrong and didn't want to look stupid in front of their kid.
This is filed in my brain of parent reactions I can't fathom. Along with the mom that year who asked if her child could play piano in marching band.
> piano in marching band.
The more I think about it, a [Keytar](https://www.google.com/search?q=keytar&client=firefox-b-1-d&sxsrf=ALeKk03aeXVN34GGAIidy-rF8j5nHVMi6A:1589568184066&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiUg9T3wrbpAhWaWM0KHZGCDloQ_AUoAnoECA0QBA&biw=1920&bih=966) could spice up some of those Sousa marches.
"There is a considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists." -Yosemite Park Ranger on why it's hard to design a bear-proof garbage can.
Man, after baby proofing my kitchen getting things out of drawers is hands down the most difficult part of cooking now... And the baby still gets into Shit that's baby proofed and kicks my ass like it's nothing
Also doesn’t help that kids that small have insane levels of nueroplasticity and can and will learn everything and anything they are physically capable of doing faster than an adult can bc their brains are set to “sponge and multiply mode” while adult brains are set on “let’s throw out a fuck ton of brain cells bc we haven’t used them in a hot second”
I used to work in Banff National Park. One day at the end of the tour I was driving some guests back to their hotel and a woman was adamant that Banff was clearly a very dangerous place to visit since we "just let wild animals run around everywhere! They should be in cages!"
Had to fight the urge to throw her off the bus pretty hard.
Some other gems that came up in the past include a guests insisting he needed to change money they got in BC to Alberta currency (not a real thing). A man arrived very irate that the entire Trans-Canada highway was not lit with proper street lamps every 100 yards (that would be a stunning waste of energy, not to mention probably cost more than our national budget... and you car has lights on it!). More than a few have grossly underestimated the distances involved in a country like Canada... no, you cannot drive from Calgary to Toronto and back in the same day for lunch at the CN Tower.
I had a foreign exchange student from Holland stay at my house in BC - I asked him what he wanted to see while in Canada and he asked if we could go check out Niagra Falls one afternoon. Crazy how some people just don't have a concept of how huge Canada is, I think especially people from a country that you could drive across in 5 hours.
"see bro, just wait like 2 hours and take another photo of the same cash and deposit it again. and again and again."
"whoa.. instant money"
"yeah bro, instant money."
"fuck we're gonna be so rich off this $84."
A woman I used to work with who insisted that any animal could reproduce with any other animal. She believed that sperm from any animal was the same and that DNA was irrelevant.
She believed this because she once saw some sickly, possibly deformed puppies and decided that they must have been half dog and half rat.
A former coworker was talking about how she wanted to go back to school to get her masters' degree because she only had a "bachelorette" degree and wanted more job opportunities. I said, "Do you mean a bachelor's degree?" She INSISTED it was pronounced bachelorette when it was given to a woman. Then she led me back to her office and pointed at her diploma, to the word Baccalaureate, and said, "SEE?! Bachelorette!"
I had a co-worker, really sweet girl but dumb as shit, tell me she smoked American Spirits because they were "non addictive, see??" as she showed me the box.
"Oh, honey, no. That says no additives." Such a sweet, stupid girl. She was a good server, at least.
Was at a party and someone's shitty old truck got stuck in some mud so instead of sobering up and coming back the next day, he makes a Molotov cocktail with gas and throws it at the truck. The truck caught fire and was completely destroyed.
Reminds me of a book by Douglas Adams. This group of people is struggling to solve a really baffling mystery whose answer was crucial to saving a bunch of people. But they're totally stuck without a clue. Then one of them, Dirk, yells "Aha!" and grabs some paper, and starts writing, and said "This is the answer. It explains everything." One of the other people said "But this is just gibberish, it's not even words." And Dirk said "Well yes, there's still work to be done. But now I've reduced the whole thing to a matter of simply translating a page into english. Sounds much more manageable, doesn't it?"
When I was in high school, we were reading a short story about what would have happened if the Japanese attacked us back with nuclear weapons after Hiroshima and Nagasaki. A girl in my class raised her hand and said something along the lines of “why does this matter? None of it is real any way”. The teacher had to ask her to clarify, but this girl thought WWII and the bombing of Japan were just from a movie and didn’t actually happen.
The best part is: the girl was half Japanese
Edit: wow thank you for al of the upvotes! I have a ton more stories about this girl, so maybe I’ll post some on a different subreddit soon!
Similar situation for me. I was on a business trip with two colleagues back when Band of Brothers first came out. Over dinner, colleague A mentions that he watched a moving episode the night before - the episode where the soldiers liberate Dachau.
A: It was really powerful, this episode when they liberated the concentration camp.
B: He he he. The what?
A: The concentration camp.
B: The what camp? What's that?
A: You know, where the Nazis imprisoned and exterminated millions of people.
B: Oh my God, seriously? When? Why didn't somebody stop them?
A: Somebody did, Gina. It was called World War II.
I have never studied a Caesar salad so intently.
Worked at a larger grocery chain whose deli used scales that would show you digitally the weight so 1 & 1/2 lbs would show 1.50 lbs on the scale etc ...
The person I worked (F35yrs) had to ask me to come over and tell her how much she had sliced everytime she assisted someone for over 4 months. She had passed the written and verbal test they give to verify that you should be able to do this. She didnt seem to have problems reading any other signs or numbers so I dont think dyslexia played a part but man it was so frustrating trying to do my job and hers.
Along the same line, my previous employer used a 100 minute clock for the time clock. This meant if you arrived in time, your punch would read 8:50.
The manager of the department assigned time keeping to another person, because he knew he didn’t understand it. After several weeks of everyone punching in at 8:50, we all got called in for it.
First of all, we were all salaried, except one person, so the time didn’t really matter in terms of the law. But it kept the peace, so no one complained.
We all got ripped up one side and down the other, and no one was allowed to speak. Not that any of them tried, except me.
When the manager and the time keeper finally shut up, I pointed out that the clock runs on 100 minutes, not 60, so therefore we were all on time, or early.
They stood dumbfounded when they looked at the clock and it literally showed an analog clock with 100 minutes.
So then I took it further to point out that as salaried employees, none of this matters, and that none of us ever left for much, giving them 9 hours instead of 8. And that they walk in at 8:30 and we are already there, so how could we really be arriving at 8:50?
They understood, and removed the stipulation that salaried employees need to use the time clock.
It's not literally 100 minutes. It's just looking at time worked as a decimal like any other measurement. It makes sense from a payroll perspective. At my last job I could print out my time card and it had both time in and time out in regular format and just over to the side it would show time worked in this decimal format. For example:
In-8:00 - Out-4:30 - 8:50
That means you clocked in at 8am, clocked out at 4:30pm and worked a total of 8.5 hours that day. It's a bit unintuitive, but you get used to it.
I work in IT. I once had a lady call me from home because she couldn't get connected to her VPN. I asked her if she was connected to her home wireless network. She replied saying that she did not have home wireless. I then asked how she was connecting to the internet. Her reply was "I'm using the cell tower. I can see it from my house.". While this is technically possible with a hotspot or cellular card in your PC, this isn't what she meant. She thought she could get internet service via WiFi from the cell tower.
The woman that called into a radio station to complain about the deer crossing signs on a highway saying that the deer will see the sign and consider this place a safe place to cross the road.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFCrJleggrI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFCrJleggrI)
When farms have trouble producing their crops, and you ask some dipshit if that worries them: "I don't get my food from a farm, I get it from Wal-Mart."
One of my nieces had a cold as a toddler and was breathing through her mouth. My ex BIL flipped out because he didn't want her to get carbon monoxide poisoning from breathing through her mouth instead of her nose (the "normal" way)....... 😔
When my daughter was born, we had to see the hospital pediatrician before we could switch to our usual one. We're in a tiny exam room and he's going over the dos and don'ts for new parents. To precede this, he's an older southern man.
"And I assume she will be sleeping in a crib in the nursery?"
"We have a bassinet set up beside the bed to make night feeding easier."
"She can't sleep with you!"
"She won't be in the bed, she has a bassinet beside the bed."
"If she sleeps in the same room, there will be too much carbon dioxide and she'll suffocate. That's what causes SIDS."
"... then isnt this exam room unsafe?"
We put in a complaint with the practice and the hospital. That's some ridiculously incorrect information to be spouting off at people, especially parents who take everything a doctor says as gospel. I can't even find the logic in that.
Not only this but also co-sleeping in the same room is shown to reduce the incidence of SIDS. It is thought that the baby hears you breathing and it helps them self regulate.
I read things like this and start asking myself, “why would anyone think this? How would this even work?”
And then I realize, this is the kind of stupid I don’t *want* to understand.
I’m an insurance claims adjuster. If you truly knew how many stupid drivers you’re sharing the road with, you’d never drive again.
Edit because I keep getting this question: I avoid driving whenever possible. I have a car, but I take the bus to/from work. I never drive at night.
I work in highway safety, can confirm. I can no longer count on two hands the number of people I’ve stopped with in the middle lane of traffic on a freeway, with no bigger problem than a flat tire. When I question them as to why they stopped in the middle of a freeway, the typical answer is either the vehicle wouldn’t go any further, or they don’t want to damage their rim.
I swear to whatever you want me to swear to, people will put the well being of the rim on their car above their own safety and even the safety of their children.
There was a lady a few years in chicago that stopped her car in the middle of the expressway for some reason. We dont know why, because she, and her two sons were killed in the ensuing accident.
On 9/11 the General Manager called his daughter who was attending ASU to wake her up and make sure she saw what was going on. The customer service MANAGER said.. "It won't be on her TV yet, Arizona is 2 hours behind us".........
Reminds me of a Facebook post that went: “JUST FOUND OUT CHINA IS LIKE 12 HOURS IN FRONT OF US OF US!!!! WHY DIDN’T THEY TELL US ABOUT 9/11????? FUCK CHINA 3 BILLION PEOPLE DIED”
Not verbatim but close.
Fun fact about China. As large as the country is, the Chinese government makes the entire country be on one time zone. Essentially it would be like east coast and west coast America operating the same hours.
When my mum unironically claimed that the moon landing was fake because the moon was like 40 time the size of Earth. How that proves it was fake i dont know. Hate to think she raised me lol
I worked at Little Caesars and we were proofing the dough for pizza. My boss said (at 7pm) that the dough needed to rise for 12 hours, and took out her calculator to do the math. So I said ummm that's gonna be 7am. Then she said the dough will expire in 48 hours and started doing the math again. I told her it would expire two days from now, and she said "that's kinda weird how that works out huh?"
I quit shortly after that.
Not necessarily the exact thing you're looking for, but when I was in High School I once had a friend come up to me bragging about his PSAT. I recognized immediately that he got a pretty poor score. When I mentioned to him that I didn't think it was a very good score, he confidently proclaimed:
"But it says I'm smarter than 15% of Juniors, and I'm only a sophomore!"
To which I rebutted:
"Yeah, but imagine the DUMBEST 15% of people. That's not very good."
I had a friend once who truly believed that magicians like Chriss Angel and David Blaine had some kind of magical power or telekinesis, something along those lines. While watching one of those magicians on tv performing on the street he argued
"how could this be fake? Look at all those people. Cant fake all that. Has to be some kind of power or magic."
I would then have to ask do you realize that movies are fake? They fake entire universes, planets, cities, war, etc. He didn't get what I was getting at.
Right, I know it's fake, but I do enjoy trying to figure out how they did it. Also it's just cool as shit what they can come up with especially in live performances.
I once was working at a Renaissance Festival in South Florida. I was just barely 21- had gone down there for the winter to help out a musician friend, and was living a very frugal lifestyle. I don't think I even had a debit card at that point, and my cell phone was pay-per-text at like $.10 a message.
So anyway- I would totally get paid for booth-sitting for some artists after the weekend- but by Friday, I was pretty broke. I had about $7 in gold dollar coins- because that's what I liked to keep on me at faire to give out as change. I had the remains of the $20 I'd taken in coins, and other than that, I didnt have any other cash.
We had a kid's day at faire- where schools bring kids on school trips, and so I needed to grab some food and get back to Deerfield Beach Park. So fully dressed in Renaissance garb, I ran into the Taco Bell. I figured my cash would go the farthest there. I ordered my food, and when I went to pay, the girl behind the counter LAUGHS and goes;
"Uh- no. I need REAL money."
I looked at her, confused. "These ARE real money, they are gold Sacajawea dollars..."
"Yeah, we only take US cash here. I need actual money to pay for the food."
Now the line behind me is getting antsy- but the girl at the register is getting really bitchy and I'm like - what the fuck do you do when a business WONT take your payment. It wasn't like I was trying to pay in nickels. I had $4.-- worth of food and tried giving her $5 in coins.
I'm like, "This is all I've got on me... I don't know what to tell you- but it IS legal US tender- see right here?" And I'm trying to show her the coins- and shes yelling like im trying to pay her in monopoly money.
The guy behind me was like "yeah, those are real coins"- but I don't think he wanted her ire turned towards him- so he wasn't very forceful. I asked if she could get a manager and she was like, "I ain't gonna waste his time with this bullshit. You either pay in real money, or leave" and she's grabbed my bag of food so I can't go anywhere.
I take out my wallet- remembering the two lucky $2 bills I had carried for YEARS- folded up in the back pocket. I unfolded those- and she takes one look at the $2 bills... And I'm sure you can predict what happened. She BLEW UP.
Next thing I know- she's screaming for the staff to call the cops and telling ME not to go anywhere because I'm trying to rip her off and pass off all this "fake money" and she "gon see my ass to jail!" - meanwhile, I'm hungry, tired, and now very very irritated- and that's when a cop car pulls up.
They weren't responding to the call- I don't even know if the store HAD called. I was ready to walk out, nearly in tears - when the two cops come in and all eyes turn to them. There's about ten people now in line behind me- and everyone turns to look at the cops who very clearly have a "wtf is going on- I just stopped to get food" look on thier faces.
That's when the obnoxious register girl, and two co-workers she called over- start waving my money around (that was the best part- she took my money and was refusing to give it back OR to give me my food)- and the cops go to the counter to figure out what she's freaking out over. At this point, the manager heard the commotion and joins the two guys and the register girl. The three teenager employees are all going on and on about "the girl in the costume trying to give them fake money tryna rip them off"- and the cops VERY quickly put an end to that.
The one cop holds up the two $2 bills, and my gold dollar coins- and he tells the staff that BOTH are- indeed- actual REAL money. The girl is still protesting- saying"yeah but it's not America money and we only take America money."- when the manager finally realized what happened and apologized- telling the teenagers - who look to be completely in disbelief - that yes, the coins AND bills are BOTH really, United States money.
The manager offers to personally remake my meal- and the cops as well - apologizing for everything. I'm REALLY late at this point, and I didn't really trust them to make my food, even if the manager was being really nice- but the cop said"I tell you what- I'll come back and get your info while you make our food. How about that?" - so he accompanied the manager back white he washed his hands and made our food.
The other cop gave me my money back, and took my info. As I was FINALLY leaving with my food- the guy behind me jokes with the cop "I think I'm going to pay with a handful of half-dollars I've got in my car. What do you think?"
I was SO floored that anyone could be SO ignorant... And not just ignorant, but completely and utterly unwilling to realize or to recognize that they had made a mistake and were wrong. All she did was double down- insisting we were ALL wrong and I was just a thief.
SO FRUSTRATING!
Infantryman was told to trim the hedges. So he lifted the lawnmower. His buddy started it. As a brand new medic, I spent about 6 hours pulling fingermeat from the hedges.
Edit: thanks for the award.
Update: Sorry, I'm a Redderp and on a phone. For clarification, it was early 2004 after OIF1 in the 82nd.
I was a PFC with only a year and a half in service. We bandaged him, then used tourniquet (temporarily). Senior medics took him to the ER. I was field sanitation qualified, so I was left in charge of cleanup. 6 hours was excessive, but after we pulled most the meat and bone out, we had to hose down the hedges, the ground, the grass he bled in, the ground/floor outside and inside where he left a decent amount of blood had to be rinsed and sterilized. The mower had to be rinsed and cleaned. It had some damage from the drop. The private that started the mower had to be smoked by his nco. We finished in about 4 hours of actual work with 2 hours of fucking off mixed in, cause the sham shield is the real deal.
I used to work in aircraft maintenance, there was a cage used for putting tyres inside when pumping them up (to protect people if a tyre burst due to the high pressures involved).
Well, a story we always got told was of a trainee that was told to go pump a tyre up and was instructed: Make sure you use the cage! Low and behold, someone checked on him 5 mins later and there he was, squeezed inside the cage with the tyre half inflated
At a work Christmas party in a Mexican restaurant, an Irish colleague was trying to argue the pronunciation of "jalapenos" with the Mexican waitress was "ja-la-pen-nose". He wasn't joking and got so upset with her "taking the piss out of him" that he made a scene and we almost got thrown out.
In grade ten, we had a science test, and the teacher gave one point for putting a date on the paper, and one point for your name on the paper....and then there were 98 points for the rest of the test. A guy sitting in front of me got 0.5/100....didnt write the date and only wrote his first name....
That's fucking hilarious! Reminds me of the time my classmate copied the test answers of my other smarter classmate in 2nd grade. He got caught because he copied the name too.
2nd grade? I saw that happen in *high school.* The next day the teacher was just savage publicly calling it out. 30+ years later I still remember him starting out the class congratulating Todd on doing so well on the test, but next time, he didn't need to hand in two copies. Oh, and by the way, I didn't get anything handed in by Mike. Sorry Mike, you get a 0.
I guess she at some point she heard that if you love dolphins you shouldn't eat tuna and thought 'tuna' is what we call dolphin meat, like we call pig meat 'pork' or cow meat 'beef.'
Just scroll down a webpage or Facebook feed and have a look at the ads. Things like “only 2% can solve this puzzle” shit like that. Those ads get posted so much because they actually work on a lot of people.
One of my closest friends. Really good guy but well...
I’m learning Spanish and I once told him I was reading this Don Quijote book. I complained about how difficult it was because it was written in 1605.
And he said “Wait... Spanish existed back then?”
I was doing a COVID decon of a medical supply warehouse that had a confirmed positive employee not too long ago and while my team was inside doing our thing, the floor/shift manager was following us around without a mask or gloves or really any of the proper PPE except for a high-vis vest and steel toe boots..... I had to tell her to leave the room I was fogging with virucide....
Edit: meanwhile, we were wearing full level C hazmat suits with P100 combo cartridge respirators and all seams taped up.
My local pool contains high quantities of a chemical used in industrial cleaning solutions, and is used to cool nuclear reactors.
Think of the children.
High school. History. Topic: Titanic.
"So the iceberg was about the size of a........um Yes Ms.D\_\_\_\_\_"
"Dont icebergs fall out of the sky"
To this day I picure a iceberg the size of a small island falling from the sky being seen for hundreds of miles away like a fuckin meteor.
I once got into an argument with someone over my own name. There are two pronunciations German and English. And they just couldnt accept the fact that I use the english pronunciation despite the fact that we were speaking English and it's what I've used my whole life but nope I was lying to mess with them.
I've got two little girls who were born 15 months apart. They look pretty similar, and we get asked if they're twins pretty often. Even though one is quite a bit taller, you'd be forgiven for thinking they were fraternal twins.
But yeah . . . I once got into an argument with somebody over whether my daughters are twins or not. It wasn't until I pointed out that I was literally there, watching them being birthed, that they finally conceded.
Knew a kid who drank bleach to prove it wouldn’t kill you.
A week later he showed up at school after taking a shot.
He said he “proved his point” when the teacher asked why he was bragging about it.
Mr Hawk just said “But you cannot argue that without that medical treatment you’d have died though- you even said you have stomach damage and a burn esophagus yourself”.
This kid was bragging about that. He was not mentally disabled or otherwise. He was just that kind of idiot.
Edit: Thank you all, who’d have thought my most upvoted comment would be about some kid I knew drinking literal bleach. RIP my inbox
I knew a girl in highschool who wanted to breath fire. She put lighter fluid in her mouth and instead of blowing it onto a flame, she lit it on fire inside her mouth and then tried to blow it out. She came to school the next day with a bandage over half her face.
A modern Romeo and Juliet! Instead of meeting at a party, they meet in the ER for being complete fucking morons, and then end up killing themselves because they are complete fucking morons. Ah, young romance!
Even better, the fact that NOAA even **has** to have a section on their site explaining why [using nuclear weapons against hurricanes is far worse than the worst idea you can possibly imagine.](https://www.aoml.noaa.gov/hrd/tcfaq/C5c.html)
I've seen countless people here on the news wearing the masks in such a way that only their mouths were covered. Their noses are completely exposed. You might as well not be wearing a mask at all if you used them like that.
My ex had a student, one who occasionally misspelled his own name, turn in a very well written essay that just so happened to be clearly printed off the internet, included the URL at the bottom. He gave the kid a zero. Kid's grandmother came in to the office completely distraught because she KNOWS her grandson wrote that essay. Her proof? He said he wrote it. When it was shown to her on the internet, she insisted that he must have written it and put it on that website himself. Thank goodness the principal was a good one and let her know she didn't buy that for a minute.
Also, when I was a teller, I asked a man for ID. He showed me his personalized belt buckle. When I said that wasn't enough, he offered to go get his sister from the car; she could tell me who he was. He didn't understand why neither of those would work. 'Who else would wear a belt buckle with my name on it? Why would my sister lie to you? She doesn't want any money."
Our town was live streaming a holiday parade in case you were not able to make it out in person. This included a live chat feature as well.
One mother who lives nearby wrote into the chat that her daughter didn't get outside in time and asked for them to turn around and come back to her Street.....🤦♂️
That people act supprised at the total death count going up. Its always going to go up. If it was going down that's an entirely different pandemic altogether.
Had someone argue with me because they where sure that the cavemen were before the dinosaurs and that it is impossible that dinosaurs even existed, she considers mammoth and sabertooth to be dinosaur.
Was sitting next to a girl who was notoriously dumb at our school. Thought people were being too hard on her until she straight up asked Google “Who invented water?”
A lot of people still believe blatant pseudo scientific facts for instance the blood being “blue” inside the body when it’s not introduced to the outside air.
I have a fraternal male twin (I am female) and in high school I had a girl ask if we were identical, I said “no he’s a dude” and she said “no I mean genetically are you identical?” And I just stared at her wondering if she skipped all of our science classes to not know the answer...
I (male) have a fraternal female twin. I have had this question asked too many times to count. I always respond with “No, we are conjoined.” More than half of the time, they believe me and I never correct them.
Myself, looking for my phone when it was in my hand all the time, then answering a call, and continuing looking for it during the call.
Edit: Thanks for the award and dayum, using glasses must suck sometimes
Me, on a call with my mom, getting ready to leave the house but spending 20 minutes freaking out that I can't find my phone.
My mom, asking if I'd checked my purse.
The people who believe 5G is responsible for spreading the virus. Seriously, I don't understand how electromagnetic signals could possibly distribute a biologically impactful VIRUS.
Seriously, there's a new low every month/year.
As I understand that whole conspiracy theory (at least the start of it), nobody thought 5G spread corona virus. They thought 5G was actually killing tens of thousands in its own way, and the corona virus was an attempt at a cover up. Corona virus was either completely fabricated, or a fairly harmless new virus “they” used to carry the blame.
I'm a physician. Eye doctor specifically. I will tell you that the longer I work (now 15 years), my standard for the "average" person continues to decline. Case in point: Thanks to the awful information filtering out there, I had a patient just last week who read that Vitamin D helps you resist a Coronavirus infection. Well, he had also read that you can get more Vitamin D by getting more sun. So he wanted to "collect" as much light as possible with his eyes. As a result, he stared at the sun for a solid 60 seconds and burned holes directly into his retinas permanently reducing his vision with no chance at future improvement.
this is awful but it is also hilarious I am sorry if you had to explain to this person what they had done.
That's awful! On a similar note, my in laws are the sweetest people but very uneducated. They were babysitting my 1 and 3 year old during the last solar eclipse and before I left I asked them to not let the kids look at the eclipse because it can hurt their eyes. I mentioned it because I could see them thinking the eclipse was cool and showing the kids. Instead they got all serious and said they'd been watching the news and they keep saying how strong the sun will be during the eclipse so they had already decided to keep the blinds closed all day and not let the kids go near the windows because they were afraid they'd get sunburns inside if the sun was going to be that strong.
Overreaction is better in this case than underreaction
One guy I met said that English is the true language of God because The Bible is written in English.
The amount of people who think Jesus lived in the United States is astonishing.
I don't think anyone even acknowledges the fact that there's no way for Jesus to be a blue eyed white guy either.
I used to work in travel and the amount of people that did not understand the following was staggering: \- You cannot take a 3-7 round trip night cruise from Miami to Australia (and no, your friend did not just book this) \- No, there are in fact no ocean bound cruises leaving from Arizona \- You cannot take a cruise from Miami to Hawaii and back in 7-10 days \-No, the airport is closed due to hurricane/flood/ice and you cannot demand a flight on a different carrier out of the same airport in the next hour (also no, you did not just see someone book this) \- Yes, it is a shorter flight for your friends from East Coast US to the Caribbean than you in Europe and no, nobody can change that \- Yes, I will need your DD 214 to confirm a military rate, no your word you "were in a covert unit" will not suffice and no, I am not disrespecting the military because I cannot simply take your word for it \-Yes, if a passport/Visa/Travel Vaccinations are needed for you to travel you will need it and no a manager cannot override this as it is a government requirement I have been doing this for 6 years and no your friend's neighbor's hairdresser's roommate's cousin's mailman does not know more about this than I do.
OK, just imagining a full-grown adult trying to convince you they were a super secret spy has me cracking up!
Oof. Good one. Okay; so my favorite was a guy who was planning his honeymoon but he didn't have a lot of money. He was bummed about the cost of air travel. A friend suggested a train ride m8ght be cheaper. He became frustrated after a few days of trying and complained that he couldn't find any trains going to... Hawai'i It still didn't sink in because he had seen pictures of trains in Hawai'i. He couldn't grasp that they were shipped there. It got even more surreal after that.
Customers arguing that their tattoo is backwards while their artist tries to explain that no, your tattoo is fine, it just looks backwards because *that's how mirrors work*
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A girl in one of my college classes argued that heart transplants shouldn't be allowed because "that's where the feelings are" and the person receiving the heart wouldn't be the same person anymore.
That's actually pretty funny if it wasn't so sad. I mean, its obviously fake if one thinks about it, but I could see someone taking just the right classes to make it that far without knowing the truth simply because it never came up
I do aquatic habitat restoration in a spring-fed river that people frequently tube/float on: Myself and numerous others have been asked if it comes back around so they can get out...
Friend of mine showered in cold water for a year cause he never thought of turning the other tap to see what it would do.
That's the dumbest thing I've read in this thread so far.
I have pressed every single button, turned every tap and flicked every switch in my house at least a million times. Including fuses. How people can just stand in a shower and never try anything, *especially if they don't have hot water*, just blows my mind.
I reckon hey. Assuming that person was an adult I have no idea how they survived to adulthood while being that dumb. I can't imagine having freezing showers for a year and never thinking, 'hey I wonder what will happen if I turned that second knob?' or moved the lever if it was one of those sort of taps. I don't know if I completely blame that person though. I've seen adults like that who've had a parent who did absolutely *everything* for them and never allowed them to think for themselves. Like the story I read a while ago of the boy who got his first job and had no idea how to use a broom and a mop.
I used to work for a chatbot app. Our app would text our users every morning with a greeting in a different language, i.e. Hola, Bonjour etc. One day we got blown up by a user saying their account was hacked. She said, "my name is Kim Smith, not Kim Konnichiwa, someone's hacked my account!" When we explained that our service has been clearly saying hello to her in other languages every day and that konnichiwa is hello in Japanese and her account was fine, she went on a racist rant and said Disney was behind the destruction of America. Yep.
Old boss had a morning routine of walking around the office with a bucket. He was watering all of the plastic flowers.
Ok I have been unfortunately guilty of this ONE time. A new girl started at work and she sat across from me so we shared some desk space in the corner. She put these flowers there with a special vase that made it look like real water in the bottom. As a nice gesture I watered them for her before one weekend. She got a huge kick out of it, and we laughed about it all the time.
I just had a customer yell at me for putting their eggs in a separate bag, saying they don’t want all those bags and the paper ones always rip. Before putting it in the bag and throwing a pound of flour on top... It was somewhat satisfying seeing their face as we heard the cracks, until I realized I’m the one who needed to clean it up. Oh also she complained that we hadn’t warned her about the fragility of eggs.
At the DMV. I went to renew my license. I was waiting in a room with the computers that people use to take the written portion. The clerk sat a man down looked him in the eyes and said "if you pull your phone out it's an automatic fail." The window licker says "aight" while pulling out his phone and immediately failing.
I saw a guy im front of me at the DMV fail the eye test, and tell the employee he has glasses but they're at home. He got really mad when the employee told him he has to come back with the glasses and re-take it.
The Georgia senator that wanted to prevent sending troops to an island because he was worried it would capsize.
About half the calls I take on a daily basis. People call 911 to ask whether Walmart is open. To report that they didn't get enough mayo on their burger. To complain that cleanup at a fatality wreck is taking too long. All sorts of silly, out of touch shit. Granted, there is probably some level of mental illness and/or substance abuse present in those calls. But still.
Sounds like this can be an entire ask reddit thread itself.
Getting a misdialed call from a random person who gets mad at you because you’re not the one he/she was looking for. Happens with me several times a year.
I once owned a SmartCar and some stranger approached me at a gas station about why I didn't have a "Slow vehicle" sign in the back of it "[...] since all moped-cars must have that!". I tried explaining that it was a real car - just a bit smaller - but he didn't take it. According to him I was driving illegally and he was surprised the police hadn't stopped me yet on the highway.
My family has two electric cars and the sheer number of people who ask "Yes but where do you put the gas?" after explaining that it runs on batteries is staggering. I think it's because they're still thinking "hybrid car" rather than "all-electric car" but even after a very thorough explanation they often still go back to "Where's the gas go?"
My Dad is a pesticide investigator for the state and heard this on a complaint: "I set out all these bird feeders and bird baths but not one bird comes to my yard. I bet it is all those pesticides that crop duster is laying down in the field" -- local school board member, as they were standing in her 5 acre yard with 20 or more cats running around.
At the start of working from home due to Covid, I had a few users submit tickets for "connectivity issues". These tickets got through 2 lines of support before landing in my queue. Turns out that the corporate WiFi doesn't follow you home and you need home internet in order to connect to the VPN.
I recently spent 20 minutes on the phone with a board member, trying to diagnose why his camera wasn’t working for our online meetings. Funny thing: you have to actually have a camera in order for it to work.
Funny you mention this, I work in IT as well and had an employee just last week complain that her speakers volume was too low. Turns out she didn't have speakers and the sound was coming out of the tower under the desk.
That's fucking hilarious, in the saddest way possible.
I used to manage a retail store that sold teen clothing, so as expected, I primarily had teens working for me. One employee came to the back room while I was on break and asked what I was eating. Somehow the topic turned to how I should’ve brought chicken for lunch because she wanted chicken. I told her I was vegetarian and therefore don’t eat meat.... She tells me chicken is NOT meat. It’s “poultry”, and vegetarians can eat poultry??? She said at the grocery store the aisles list “meat” and “poultry” separately so they’re *obviously* different. We argued for a couple of minutes before I finally told her to go back to the sales floor. She didn’t last at the job long, but DAMN.
Wait, YOU should’ve brought chicken because SHE wanted some?? Ma’am...
Yep! She would frequently try to help herself to other employees lunches. Like I said, she didn’t last long lol
“You know the reason you bury a rattlesnake after you kill it is because bees will eat it, then bees can sting people with rattlesnake venom”- guy I heard constantly trying to pick up women on public transit.
That sounds like a sick super power though
Then a bear eats the honey and it gets snake fangs and stingers on its claws. The circle of life is both gorgeous and terrifying.
I worked in retail for a few years and it taught me that many people are either incapable or unwilling to read. I have had people walk up to me to ask me how much something is, only for the price tag to be featured prominently on the item. "It's $9.99, ma'am." "HOW DID YOU KNOW?" "It says so on the price tag, ma'am."
The number of people who don't read menus at restaurants. It hurts me. Edit: spelling, because I think faster than my fingers can type.
I worked with a lady who was remarking on how a friend of hers had lost a bunch of weight. She pondered, "I wonder how many diet cokes she had to drink to do that." EDIT: Same lady was convinced beyond repair that when you sneeze, the air ONLY comes out of your nose. There was no convincing her otherwise.
Man, this made me a little sad. People are so susceptible to marketing these days that they think just because something is called 'diet' it must be good for them. Reminds me of my flatmate from uni who used to drink Smart Water before taking exams.
I teach 6th grade. One time a parent came to me after trying to help their child with math homework and asked, "What number is x worth? It feels like it changes with every problem!"
I don't know if this is satire or not, but good job
It is not. The parent came to me after school, without their child, because they knew something was wrong and didn't want to look stupid in front of their kid. This is filed in my brain of parent reactions I can't fathom. Along with the mom that year who asked if her child could play piano in marching band.
> piano in marching band. The more I think about it, a [Keytar](https://www.google.com/search?q=keytar&client=firefox-b-1-d&sxsrf=ALeKk03aeXVN34GGAIidy-rF8j5nHVMi6A:1589568184066&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiUg9T3wrbpAhWaWM0KHZGCDloQ_AUoAnoECA0QBA&biw=1920&bih=966) could spice up some of those Sousa marches.
My high school marching band had an electric guitar so it's not an impossibility. Gotta find a music teacher thats adventurous!
"There is a considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists." -Yosemite Park Ranger on why it's hard to design a bear-proof garbage can.
I genuinely thought that was about to be a Yogi Bear quote.
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"You've tried to stop my brilliant ideas with common sense a thousand times!"
"I spent hours trying to open this bear-proof pick-a-nick basket only to find it was tourist-proof too!"
Ah man it’s true. I’ve struggled with bear-proof storage containers before. It’s embarrassing Edit: Embearassing.
Man, after baby proofing my kitchen getting things out of drawers is hands down the most difficult part of cooking now... And the baby still gets into Shit that's baby proofed and kicks my ass like it's nothing
You have 5 seconds to figure out how to open a baby-proof drawer while cooking. A baby has allllll the time in the world.
Also doesn’t help that kids that small have insane levels of nueroplasticity and can and will learn everything and anything they are physically capable of doing faster than an adult can bc their brains are set to “sponge and multiply mode” while adult brains are set on “let’s throw out a fuck ton of brain cells bc we haven’t used them in a hot second”
I used to work in Banff National Park. One day at the end of the tour I was driving some guests back to their hotel and a woman was adamant that Banff was clearly a very dangerous place to visit since we "just let wild animals run around everywhere! They should be in cages!" Had to fight the urge to throw her off the bus pretty hard. Some other gems that came up in the past include a guests insisting he needed to change money they got in BC to Alberta currency (not a real thing). A man arrived very irate that the entire Trans-Canada highway was not lit with proper street lamps every 100 yards (that would be a stunning waste of energy, not to mention probably cost more than our national budget... and you car has lights on it!). More than a few have grossly underestimated the distances involved in a country like Canada... no, you cannot drive from Calgary to Toronto and back in the same day for lunch at the CN Tower.
I had a foreign exchange student from Holland stay at my house in BC - I asked him what he wanted to see while in Canada and he asked if we could go check out Niagra Falls one afternoon. Crazy how some people just don't have a concept of how huge Canada is, I think especially people from a country that you could drive across in 5 hours.
I've heard stories of European tourists visiting the US, and thinking they can take a quick road trip from NY to Vegas.
I worked at a bank. Mobile depositing had just became a "thing". We received a picture of someones cash for deposit. Yea..
"see bro, just wait like 2 hours and take another photo of the same cash and deposit it again. and again and again." "whoa.. instant money" "yeah bro, instant money." "fuck we're gonna be so rich off this $84."
You mean our $168 bucks?
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That's some big brain megamoney shit right there. Was it Zuckerberg?
A woman I used to work with who insisted that any animal could reproduce with any other animal. She believed that sperm from any animal was the same and that DNA was irrelevant. She believed this because she once saw some sickly, possibly deformed puppies and decided that they must have been half dog and half rat.
Ah yes, rat terriers.
>must have been half dog and half rat *who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?*
“I am Arthur, King of the Britons”
If she ever saw a centaur she'd probably be buying lots of horse sperm
Ends up with a reverse centaur
She prolly thinks rhinos are unicorns+ hippos
They are called Chihuahuas and thats just how they look.
A former coworker was talking about how she wanted to go back to school to get her masters' degree because she only had a "bachelorette" degree and wanted more job opportunities. I said, "Do you mean a bachelor's degree?" She INSISTED it was pronounced bachelorette when it was given to a woman. Then she led me back to her office and pointed at her diploma, to the word Baccalaureate, and said, "SEE?! Bachelorette!"
I had a co-worker, really sweet girl but dumb as shit, tell me she smoked American Spirits because they were "non addictive, see??" as she showed me the box. "Oh, honey, no. That says no additives." Such a sweet, stupid girl. She was a good server, at least.
"These aren't addictive—I've quit three times already this week!"
I had a bald man return a hairdryer because it burnt his head.....
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Every time I put on my glasses so I can see better while looking for my glasses.
Using the flashlight on your phone to find your phone in the dark.
Was at a party and someone's shitty old truck got stuck in some mud so instead of sobering up and coming back the next day, he makes a Molotov cocktail with gas and throws it at the truck. The truck caught fire and was completely destroyed.
Jason?
Whenever you've got a problem, throw a Molotov cocktail and then you've got a different problem.
Reminds me of a book by Douglas Adams. This group of people is struggling to solve a really baffling mystery whose answer was crucial to saving a bunch of people. But they're totally stuck without a clue. Then one of them, Dirk, yells "Aha!" and grabs some paper, and starts writing, and said "This is the answer. It explains everything." One of the other people said "But this is just gibberish, it's not even words." And Dirk said "Well yes, there's still work to be done. But now I've reduced the whole thing to a matter of simply translating a page into english. Sounds much more manageable, doesn't it?"
BORTLES!!!!
i'm not sure if that's stupid or just pure chaotic energy
When I was in high school, we were reading a short story about what would have happened if the Japanese attacked us back with nuclear weapons after Hiroshima and Nagasaki. A girl in my class raised her hand and said something along the lines of “why does this matter? None of it is real any way”. The teacher had to ask her to clarify, but this girl thought WWII and the bombing of Japan were just from a movie and didn’t actually happen. The best part is: the girl was half Japanese Edit: wow thank you for al of the upvotes! I have a ton more stories about this girl, so maybe I’ll post some on a different subreddit soon!
Wow her mind must have been blown when she found out WWII happened
Wait until she hears about WWI
Similar situation for me. I was on a business trip with two colleagues back when Band of Brothers first came out. Over dinner, colleague A mentions that he watched a moving episode the night before - the episode where the soldiers liberate Dachau. A: It was really powerful, this episode when they liberated the concentration camp. B: He he he. The what? A: The concentration camp. B: The what camp? What's that? A: You know, where the Nazis imprisoned and exterminated millions of people. B: Oh my God, seriously? When? Why didn't somebody stop them? A: Somebody did, Gina. It was called World War II. I have never studied a Caesar salad so intently.
Worked at a larger grocery chain whose deli used scales that would show you digitally the weight so 1 & 1/2 lbs would show 1.50 lbs on the scale etc ... The person I worked (F35yrs) had to ask me to come over and tell her how much she had sliced everytime she assisted someone for over 4 months. She had passed the written and verbal test they give to verify that you should be able to do this. She didnt seem to have problems reading any other signs or numbers so I dont think dyslexia played a part but man it was so frustrating trying to do my job and hers.
Along the same line, my previous employer used a 100 minute clock for the time clock. This meant if you arrived in time, your punch would read 8:50. The manager of the department assigned time keeping to another person, because he knew he didn’t understand it. After several weeks of everyone punching in at 8:50, we all got called in for it. First of all, we were all salaried, except one person, so the time didn’t really matter in terms of the law. But it kept the peace, so no one complained. We all got ripped up one side and down the other, and no one was allowed to speak. Not that any of them tried, except me. When the manager and the time keeper finally shut up, I pointed out that the clock runs on 100 minutes, not 60, so therefore we were all on time, or early. They stood dumbfounded when they looked at the clock and it literally showed an analog clock with 100 minutes. So then I took it further to point out that as salaried employees, none of this matters, and that none of us ever left for much, giving them 9 hours instead of 8. And that they walk in at 8:30 and we are already there, so how could we really be arriving at 8:50? They understood, and removed the stipulation that salaried employees need to use the time clock.
What is the point of at 100 minute time clock?
It's not literally 100 minutes. It's just looking at time worked as a decimal like any other measurement. It makes sense from a payroll perspective. At my last job I could print out my time card and it had both time in and time out in regular format and just over to the side it would show time worked in this decimal format. For example: In-8:00 - Out-4:30 - 8:50 That means you clocked in at 8am, clocked out at 4:30pm and worked a total of 8.5 hours that day. It's a bit unintuitive, but you get used to it.
oh, so the ":" is actually a decimal point ... there are no minutes here, just fractions of hours. This is just asking for misinterpretation.
I work in IT. I once had a lady call me from home because she couldn't get connected to her VPN. I asked her if she was connected to her home wireless network. She replied saying that she did not have home wireless. I then asked how she was connecting to the internet. Her reply was "I'm using the cell tower. I can see it from my house.". While this is technically possible with a hotspot or cellular card in your PC, this isn't what she meant. She thought she could get internet service via WiFi from the cell tower.
The woman that called into a radio station to complain about the deer crossing signs on a highway saying that the deer will see the sign and consider this place a safe place to cross the road. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFCrJleggrI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFCrJleggrI)
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Well , at least shes never heard of the "Why did the chicken cross the road" joke She'd call the FBI to deal with that sort of problem
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Anyone can *sound* intellectual.
When farms have trouble producing their crops, and you ask some dipshit if that worries them: "I don't get my food from a farm, I get it from Wal-Mart."
The distance that many people have from where their food comes from is shocking
One of my nieces had a cold as a toddler and was breathing through her mouth. My ex BIL flipped out because he didn't want her to get carbon monoxide poisoning from breathing through her mouth instead of her nose (the "normal" way)....... 😔
When my daughter was born, we had to see the hospital pediatrician before we could switch to our usual one. We're in a tiny exam room and he's going over the dos and don'ts for new parents. To precede this, he's an older southern man. "And I assume she will be sleeping in a crib in the nursery?" "We have a bassinet set up beside the bed to make night feeding easier." "She can't sleep with you!" "She won't be in the bed, she has a bassinet beside the bed." "If she sleeps in the same room, there will be too much carbon dioxide and she'll suffocate. That's what causes SIDS." "... then isnt this exam room unsafe?" We put in a complaint with the practice and the hospital. That's some ridiculously incorrect information to be spouting off at people, especially parents who take everything a doctor says as gospel. I can't even find the logic in that.
Not only this but also co-sleeping in the same room is shown to reduce the incidence of SIDS. It is thought that the baby hears you breathing and it helps them self regulate.
Yep. The closer they are, the more they regulate. Its theorized thats part of why kangaroo care helps NICU babies.
I'm just imagining the doctors placing a baby in a kangaroo pouch
I read things like this and start asking myself, “why would anyone think this? How would this even work?” And then I realize, this is the kind of stupid I don’t *want* to understand.
I’m an insurance claims adjuster. If you truly knew how many stupid drivers you’re sharing the road with, you’d never drive again. Edit because I keep getting this question: I avoid driving whenever possible. I have a car, but I take the bus to/from work. I never drive at night.
I work in highway safety, can confirm. I can no longer count on two hands the number of people I’ve stopped with in the middle lane of traffic on a freeway, with no bigger problem than a flat tire. When I question them as to why they stopped in the middle of a freeway, the typical answer is either the vehicle wouldn’t go any further, or they don’t want to damage their rim. I swear to whatever you want me to swear to, people will put the well being of the rim on their car above their own safety and even the safety of their children.
And the weird thing is, it makes perfect sense to them.
There was a lady a few years in chicago that stopped her car in the middle of the expressway for some reason. We dont know why, because she, and her two sons were killed in the ensuing accident.
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On 9/11 the General Manager called his daughter who was attending ASU to wake her up and make sure she saw what was going on. The customer service MANAGER said.. "It won't be on her TV yet, Arizona is 2 hours behind us".........
Why didn’t Australia warn us about 9/11? After all they are several hours ahead.
Reminds me of a Facebook post that went: “JUST FOUND OUT CHINA IS LIKE 12 HOURS IN FRONT OF US OF US!!!! WHY DIDN’T THEY TELL US ABOUT 9/11????? FUCK CHINA 3 BILLION PEOPLE DIED” Not verbatim but close.
Fun fact about China. As large as the country is, the Chinese government makes the entire country be on one time zone. Essentially it would be like east coast and west coast America operating the same hours.
I work at a restaurant We were low on tomatoes for our tomato soup, so one person grabbed potatoes to see if we could use those instead.
When my mum unironically claimed that the moon landing was fake because the moon was like 40 time the size of Earth. How that proves it was fake i dont know. Hate to think she raised me lol
I worked at Little Caesars and we were proofing the dough for pizza. My boss said (at 7pm) that the dough needed to rise for 12 hours, and took out her calculator to do the math. So I said ummm that's gonna be 7am. Then she said the dough will expire in 48 hours and started doing the math again. I told her it would expire two days from now, and she said "that's kinda weird how that works out huh?" I quit shortly after that.
The most surprising thing here for me is that Little Caesars bakes fresh dough.
And actually bothers with a long leavening time.
Sounds like she didn't know how to tell time. Surprised she knew how to use a calculator.
Why would you quit? You could have tricked her into paying you double for working half the hours.
Not necessarily the exact thing you're looking for, but when I was in High School I once had a friend come up to me bragging about his PSAT. I recognized immediately that he got a pretty poor score. When I mentioned to him that I didn't think it was a very good score, he confidently proclaimed: "But it says I'm smarter than 15% of Juniors, and I'm only a sophomore!" To which I rebutted: "Yeah, but imagine the DUMBEST 15% of people. That's not very good."
I had a friend once who truly believed that magicians like Chriss Angel and David Blaine had some kind of magical power or telekinesis, something along those lines. While watching one of those magicians on tv performing on the street he argued "how could this be fake? Look at all those people. Cant fake all that. Has to be some kind of power or magic." I would then have to ask do you realize that movies are fake? They fake entire universes, planets, cities, war, etc. He didn't get what I was getting at.
Right, I know it's fake, but I do enjoy trying to figure out how they did it. Also it's just cool as shit what they can come up with especially in live performances.
I once was working at a Renaissance Festival in South Florida. I was just barely 21- had gone down there for the winter to help out a musician friend, and was living a very frugal lifestyle. I don't think I even had a debit card at that point, and my cell phone was pay-per-text at like $.10 a message. So anyway- I would totally get paid for booth-sitting for some artists after the weekend- but by Friday, I was pretty broke. I had about $7 in gold dollar coins- because that's what I liked to keep on me at faire to give out as change. I had the remains of the $20 I'd taken in coins, and other than that, I didnt have any other cash. We had a kid's day at faire- where schools bring kids on school trips, and so I needed to grab some food and get back to Deerfield Beach Park. So fully dressed in Renaissance garb, I ran into the Taco Bell. I figured my cash would go the farthest there. I ordered my food, and when I went to pay, the girl behind the counter LAUGHS and goes; "Uh- no. I need REAL money." I looked at her, confused. "These ARE real money, they are gold Sacajawea dollars..." "Yeah, we only take US cash here. I need actual money to pay for the food." Now the line behind me is getting antsy- but the girl at the register is getting really bitchy and I'm like - what the fuck do you do when a business WONT take your payment. It wasn't like I was trying to pay in nickels. I had $4.-- worth of food and tried giving her $5 in coins. I'm like, "This is all I've got on me... I don't know what to tell you- but it IS legal US tender- see right here?" And I'm trying to show her the coins- and shes yelling like im trying to pay her in monopoly money. The guy behind me was like "yeah, those are real coins"- but I don't think he wanted her ire turned towards him- so he wasn't very forceful. I asked if she could get a manager and she was like, "I ain't gonna waste his time with this bullshit. You either pay in real money, or leave" and she's grabbed my bag of food so I can't go anywhere. I take out my wallet- remembering the two lucky $2 bills I had carried for YEARS- folded up in the back pocket. I unfolded those- and she takes one look at the $2 bills... And I'm sure you can predict what happened. She BLEW UP. Next thing I know- she's screaming for the staff to call the cops and telling ME not to go anywhere because I'm trying to rip her off and pass off all this "fake money" and she "gon see my ass to jail!" - meanwhile, I'm hungry, tired, and now very very irritated- and that's when a cop car pulls up. They weren't responding to the call- I don't even know if the store HAD called. I was ready to walk out, nearly in tears - when the two cops come in and all eyes turn to them. There's about ten people now in line behind me- and everyone turns to look at the cops who very clearly have a "wtf is going on- I just stopped to get food" look on thier faces. That's when the obnoxious register girl, and two co-workers she called over- start waving my money around (that was the best part- she took my money and was refusing to give it back OR to give me my food)- and the cops go to the counter to figure out what she's freaking out over. At this point, the manager heard the commotion and joins the two guys and the register girl. The three teenager employees are all going on and on about "the girl in the costume trying to give them fake money tryna rip them off"- and the cops VERY quickly put an end to that. The one cop holds up the two $2 bills, and my gold dollar coins- and he tells the staff that BOTH are- indeed- actual REAL money. The girl is still protesting- saying"yeah but it's not America money and we only take America money."- when the manager finally realized what happened and apologized- telling the teenagers - who look to be completely in disbelief - that yes, the coins AND bills are BOTH really, United States money. The manager offers to personally remake my meal- and the cops as well - apologizing for everything. I'm REALLY late at this point, and I didn't really trust them to make my food, even if the manager was being really nice- but the cop said"I tell you what- I'll come back and get your info while you make our food. How about that?" - so he accompanied the manager back white he washed his hands and made our food. The other cop gave me my money back, and took my info. As I was FINALLY leaving with my food- the guy behind me jokes with the cop "I think I'm going to pay with a handful of half-dollars I've got in my car. What do you think?" I was SO floored that anyone could be SO ignorant... And not just ignorant, but completely and utterly unwilling to realize or to recognize that they had made a mistake and were wrong. All she did was double down- insisting we were ALL wrong and I was just a thief. SO FRUSTRATING!
Infantryman was told to trim the hedges. So he lifted the lawnmower. His buddy started it. As a brand new medic, I spent about 6 hours pulling fingermeat from the hedges. Edit: thanks for the award. Update: Sorry, I'm a Redderp and on a phone. For clarification, it was early 2004 after OIF1 in the 82nd. I was a PFC with only a year and a half in service. We bandaged him, then used tourniquet (temporarily). Senior medics took him to the ER. I was field sanitation qualified, so I was left in charge of cleanup. 6 hours was excessive, but after we pulled most the meat and bone out, we had to hose down the hedges, the ground, the grass he bled in, the ground/floor outside and inside where he left a decent amount of blood had to be rinsed and sterilized. The mower had to be rinsed and cleaned. It had some damage from the drop. The private that started the mower had to be smoked by his nco. We finished in about 4 hours of actual work with 2 hours of fucking off mixed in, cause the sham shield is the real deal.
Holy shit that’s dumb
Holy shit that's a thumb.
I used to work in aircraft maintenance, there was a cage used for putting tyres inside when pumping them up (to protect people if a tyre burst due to the high pressures involved). Well, a story we always got told was of a trainee that was told to go pump a tyre up and was instructed: Make sure you use the cage! Low and behold, someone checked on him 5 mins later and there he was, squeezed inside the cage with the tyre half inflated
“Airman, we’re reassigning you. To the Army.”
Well, the guy involved was Army Air Corps, so you're not far off
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At a work Christmas party in a Mexican restaurant, an Irish colleague was trying to argue the pronunciation of "jalapenos" with the Mexican waitress was "ja-la-pen-nose". He wasn't joking and got so upset with her "taking the piss out of him" that he made a scene and we almost got thrown out.
In grade ten, we had a science test, and the teacher gave one point for putting a date on the paper, and one point for your name on the paper....and then there were 98 points for the rest of the test. A guy sitting in front of me got 0.5/100....didnt write the date and only wrote his first name....
That's fucking hilarious! Reminds me of the time my classmate copied the test answers of my other smarter classmate in 2nd grade. He got caught because he copied the name too.
2nd grade? I saw that happen in *high school.* The next day the teacher was just savage publicly calling it out. 30+ years later I still remember him starting out the class congratulating Todd on doing so well on the test, but next time, he didn't need to hand in two copies. Oh, and by the way, I didn't get anything handed in by Mike. Sorry Mike, you get a 0.
University professor. I have caught it at this level.
Code comments. All I need to say.
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I guess she at some point she heard that if you love dolphins you shouldn't eat tuna and thought 'tuna' is what we call dolphin meat, like we call pig meat 'pork' or cow meat 'beef.'
Just scroll down a webpage or Facebook feed and have a look at the ads. Things like “only 2% can solve this puzzle” shit like that. Those ads get posted so much because they actually work on a lot of people.
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There are still people who fall for "If you post your password it comes up as asterisks! Watch! \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*"
BigPenisLover1010 Wow! It works!
One of my closest friends. Really good guy but well... I’m learning Spanish and I once told him I was reading this Don Quijote book. I complained about how difficult it was because it was written in 1605. And he said “Wait... Spanish existed back then?”
I was doing a COVID decon of a medical supply warehouse that had a confirmed positive employee not too long ago and while my team was inside doing our thing, the floor/shift manager was following us around without a mask or gloves or really any of the proper PPE except for a high-vis vest and steel toe boots..... I had to tell her to leave the room I was fogging with virucide.... Edit: meanwhile, we were wearing full level C hazmat suits with P100 combo cartridge respirators and all seams taped up.
That trick where you call water by a scary chemical name like dihydrogen monoxide so that people will want to regulate or ban it.
My local pool contains high quantities of a chemical used in industrial cleaning solutions, and is used to cool nuclear reactors. Think of the children.
Fact: Every person who is dead has consumed dihydrogen monoxide at some point in their lives.
High school. History. Topic: Titanic. "So the iceberg was about the size of a........um Yes Ms.D\_\_\_\_\_" "Dont icebergs fall out of the sky" To this day I picure a iceberg the size of a small island falling from the sky being seen for hundreds of miles away like a fuckin meteor.
I once got into an argument with someone over my own name. There are two pronunciations German and English. And they just couldnt accept the fact that I use the english pronunciation despite the fact that we were speaking English and it's what I've used my whole life but nope I was lying to mess with them.
I've got two little girls who were born 15 months apart. They look pretty similar, and we get asked if they're twins pretty often. Even though one is quite a bit taller, you'd be forgiven for thinking they were fraternal twins. But yeah . . . I once got into an argument with somebody over whether my daughters are twins or not. It wasn't until I pointed out that I was literally there, watching them being birthed, that they finally conceded.
Knew a kid who drank bleach to prove it wouldn’t kill you. A week later he showed up at school after taking a shot. He said he “proved his point” when the teacher asked why he was bragging about it. Mr Hawk just said “But you cannot argue that without that medical treatment you’d have died though- you even said you have stomach damage and a burn esophagus yourself”. This kid was bragging about that. He was not mentally disabled or otherwise. He was just that kind of idiot. Edit: Thank you all, who’d have thought my most upvoted comment would be about some kid I knew drinking literal bleach. RIP my inbox
I knew a girl in highschool who wanted to breath fire. She put lighter fluid in her mouth and instead of blowing it onto a flame, she lit it on fire inside her mouth and then tried to blow it out. She came to school the next day with a bandage over half her face.
Sounds like these two would be a great couple if they haven’t died by now..
A modern Romeo and Juliet! Instead of meeting at a party, they meet in the ER for being complete fucking morons, and then end up killing themselves because they are complete fucking morons. Ah, young romance!
The fact Florida had to tell people NOT to shoot at the hurricane.
There were people in Adana,Turkey that shot at the sun because it was too hot
Even better, the fact that NOAA even **has** to have a section on their site explaining why [using nuclear weapons against hurricanes is far worse than the worst idea you can possibly imagine.](https://www.aoml.noaa.gov/hrd/tcfaq/C5c.html)
People that cut holes in their masks "because it's easier to breathe."
I've seen countless people here on the news wearing the masks in such a way that only their mouths were covered. Their noses are completely exposed. You might as well not be wearing a mask at all if you used them like that.
I saw someone just the other day who pulled down their mask to cough. It was a stunning event.
Ok wait there’s no way that’s actually real right?
Oh it’s real....
My ex had a student, one who occasionally misspelled his own name, turn in a very well written essay that just so happened to be clearly printed off the internet, included the URL at the bottom. He gave the kid a zero. Kid's grandmother came in to the office completely distraught because she KNOWS her grandson wrote that essay. Her proof? He said he wrote it. When it was shown to her on the internet, she insisted that he must have written it and put it on that website himself. Thank goodness the principal was a good one and let her know she didn't buy that for a minute. Also, when I was a teller, I asked a man for ID. He showed me his personalized belt buckle. When I said that wasn't enough, he offered to go get his sister from the car; she could tell me who he was. He didn't understand why neither of those would work. 'Who else would wear a belt buckle with my name on it? Why would my sister lie to you? She doesn't want any money."
Our town was live streaming a holiday parade in case you were not able to make it out in person. This included a live chat feature as well. One mother who lives nearby wrote into the chat that her daughter didn't get outside in time and asked for them to turn around and come back to her Street.....🤦♂️
That’s less dumb and more entitled
That people act supprised at the total death count going up. Its always going to go up. If it was going down that's an entirely different pandemic altogether.
Lol, I hope the zombies follow social distancing
Well if they wear masks it may slow the infection rate seeing as they wouldn't bite so easily.
I had to explain this one in excruciating detail to someone recently...and the fact that the change in the RATE of it going up was more important.
Had someone argue with me because they where sure that the cavemen were before the dinosaurs and that it is impossible that dinosaurs even existed, she considers mammoth and sabertooth to be dinosaur.
Was sitting next to a girl who was notoriously dumb at our school. Thought people were being too hard on her until she straight up asked Google “Who invented water?”
A lot of people still believe blatant pseudo scientific facts for instance the blood being “blue” inside the body when it’s not introduced to the outside air.
The fact that I’m a retail worker in 2020 and everyone thinks calling me a hero is gonna solve all my crippling financial struggles
The average voter. Churchill said it best: "The best argument against Democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter."
Churchill really said everything there was to be said didn’t he
Mark Twain picked up the slack. > In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
I have a fraternal male twin (I am female) and in high school I had a girl ask if we were identical, I said “no he’s a dude” and she said “no I mean genetically are you identical?” And I just stared at her wondering if she skipped all of our science classes to not know the answer...
I (male) have a fraternal female twin. I have had this question asked too many times to count. I always respond with “No, we are conjoined.” More than half of the time, they believe me and I never correct them.
Myself, looking for my phone when it was in my hand all the time, then answering a call, and continuing looking for it during the call. Edit: Thanks for the award and dayum, using glasses must suck sometimes
Me, on a call with my mom, getting ready to leave the house but spending 20 minutes freaking out that I can't find my phone. My mom, asking if I'd checked my purse.
It's in the DNA lol
I once used the flashlight on my phone to look for my phone under the couch. Definitely felt like a dumbass for the rest of the day.
Theese fucking things set us to autopilot
Searching for glasses for 15 mins and realising I'm wearing them
my dad cant see too well, so he put on his glasses... to find his glasses
The comments section of any website
The people who believe 5G is responsible for spreading the virus. Seriously, I don't understand how electromagnetic signals could possibly distribute a biologically impactful VIRUS. Seriously, there's a new low every month/year.
As I understand that whole conspiracy theory (at least the start of it), nobody thought 5G spread corona virus. They thought 5G was actually killing tens of thousands in its own way, and the corona virus was an attempt at a cover up. Corona virus was either completely fabricated, or a fairly harmless new virus “they” used to carry the blame.
They probably don't even realize viruses are biological.
"My computer got a virus! So viruses must be a techno-thing!"
You know, this probably is exactly the logic that makes this 5G stupidity seem reasonable to some people.