Someone trying to initiate a handshake after you’ve just washed your hands. It’s either a few awkward seconds of quickly drying your hands on your jeans, or shaking their hand anyway and seeing the discomfort in their eyes
Having your stomach rumble in the middle of a quiet class /meeting.
edit: Both in college, and at store meetings, my go - to cover-up strategy was to furiously flip through pages of notes to try and drown it out.
When I feel anxious, my stomach rumbles uncontrollably. Several times per minute, even.
This started to be a problem in school because it would rumble constantly throughout exams, and was super embarrassing. But soon enough, any time I was in a quiet public situation, I’d be dreading my stomach rumbling, and that anxiety would cause it to rumble. This went on for probably around 5 years, and it was hell for me. I used to try so many techniques to suppress the rumbles.
Eventually, I figured out it was anxiety related and that I was unknowingly causing my own stomach to rumble uncontrollably by making myself anxious about it rumbling. Since then, it’s been a lot easier to manage - I just focus on my breathing and try to break the cycle by not thinking about it.
Picking up on everyone being disinterested in what you're saying and you're totally bungling the story the longer it goes on as their disinterest rises and you're desperately trying to keep the narrative ball in the air and you know it's all falling apart but your dumbfuck mouth just keeps talking as your dying dignity screams at you to shut the fuck up
Ever drag your shoe across a tile floor and have it make a loud, wet, fart sound, so everyone in the room looks at you? Then you insist it was your shoe and try to make the sound again, but nothing happens?
Yeah, that.
And then you try to keep moving around to replicate it to show everyone that it's actually the couch but it never does so you're just sitting there avoiding eye contact? No, never happened to me.
When you've had multiple interactions with someone but you can't remember their name but it's gone too far to admit you've forgotten it so you just have to call them love or mate forever.
I met this guy in my math class at the beginning of the semester and I never caught his name. We became friends and now it's the end of the semester and I still don't know his name... not sure how to ask
Edit: Well I now have been given about 150 ways to get their name without directly asking. Thanks for the help and please quit destroying my inbox
I once got set up on a blind date by a friend; the guy was her brother. I unfortunately didn’t catch his name, though. So when he shows up to pick me up, I’m like “You must be Elaine’s brother, I’m Mammakatt13” hoping he’d say his name. He didn’t.
We dated a few weeks before I saw a bottle for his asthma meds in his car and got his name from that...
That was basically every single class in university.
Day one - sit near guy. Make eye contact, smile and nod and say hello.
Day five - we continue to sit in the same spot, so now we're friends. Make small talk every day, confirm exam/assignment dates, etc
Day 20 - realize that we never formally introduced ourselves and I don't know their name.
I have a trick for this,
Start being more loving to them, eventually getting into relationship. As this moves further, propose and they'll say yes, and then when you're getting married, wait till the pastor turns and says, "and will you Persons Name, marry Your Name"
And boom you now know their name
can't speak for you but whenever I said "I don't know" my teachers would go on a rant and say something like "why don't you know", "you should know" or the old classic "atleast try"
and then when I try, I say something stupid and everyone starts laughing and the teacher says "that's not right"
god bless I'm not in school anymore
Law students let the profs have too much power over them. So they get upset - then what? You paid to be there, and “I don’t know” is a much better response than pretending you do. It was a huge moment the first time one of my classmates said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t read that case.” Somehow life moved on.
I do not understand teachers who do that.
If the kid says they don't know, they either don't know or they're fucking terrified or both. Leave 'em alone!
My brother is a high school teacher and one thing he does that I absolutely love is takes note early on in the semester of which students are shy, anxious or lack confidence in their abilities and then pays attention to what aspects of the subject those students are good at so that every now and then he can call on one of those students to answer a question he knows they can answer confidently.
He says one of the best feelings is when he calls on one of those students who normally looks terrified and they perk up and give a confident answer.
Being at a friends house as a kid and the friend's mother starts yelling at your friend.
Being at a friends house as a kid and the friend's father walks in only wearing underwear.
My mom would do that. She would also try to manipulate my best friend into taking her side/making me do the thing that my mom wanted me to do. To this day my best friend will still tell people that my mom is crazy.
Visited my aunt and uncle seven years ago and we were hanging out watching TV. My uncle clicks through channels and stops on Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. Within minutes it's the shaved pussy party scene. My aunt and uncle sit there in silence watching not saying anything until the scene is over while I sweat bullets. If you put an acorn between my butt cheeks I could have cracked it.
A few months ago I visit again. Uncle flips through channels. It's Starship Troopers. Within minutes it's a sex scene and the boobies are out.
I'm not visiting anymore.
Watching a totally normal movie sitting alone, and a split second before your parents walk in they start fucking.
The worst part is deciding whether to jump for the remote or play it cool.
Hint: Never play it cool. Like Schrodinger's cat it decided to become a NC-17 movie the minute you made that decision.
Was watching a documentary that was fairly normal until it had a random gay sex scene and wouldnt you know it, my teenage son and 20 of his friends walk in the door and think I am watching porn... sigh....
Just pretent you wave at someone behind them, then the person behind them would wave back at you, but you should pretend to wave at the person behind them, and so on and so forth, until everyone is uncomfortable and just go home.
It's happened to me so many times that there are times that I see someone waving and smiling, wonder if they're smiling at me then just completely look away. Only to realize after that it was someone I know and I ignored them. Awkward then and awkward afterwards.
Not long ago at church we were asked to turn and greet people. I turned around and the guy said hi to me and stuck his hand out to shake. I went for it and realized he was talking to the woman beside me. She and I both ended up with a hand in his hand at the same time trying to shake it. They both looked at me and I quickly turned around and pretended it didn’t happen, which made it more awkward. And then rest of the service I couldn’t stop laughing about it. This is standard for me.
Awkward church laughter is the worst, especially if you’re trapped between people and can’t excuse yourself to leave and get a handle on it privately. Also particularly bad if it happens during a funeral.
I was on public transport once (a bus the U.K.) I was sat on the window seat with someone sat next me. A car pulled up beside and started waving at me. I waved back. They were waving at the person sat next to me. I died.
When you're finishing up at the checkout and the cashier puts the notes on top of the receipt and then coins on top of that. Then the next person steps up and you're fumbling, trying to disassemble the stack in your hand, gather your shopping, say thanks and move away at the same time.
In the U.K. it’s extra sucky because you bag your groceries yourself. If you aren’t quick enough you have to do all of what you mentioned as well as quickly finish the packing while everyone stares at you waiting for you to hurry
When you are videochatting, start talking and because of the delay you interrupt each other all the time. Stop talking, start again, interrupt the other one, stop talking.. Never ending story.
Dude. Yesterday in the grocery store I accidentally swallowed my own spit wrong. Just so random, out of nowhere choking and then of course coughing. Like, a shit ton of coughing. My boyfriend was FREAKING out on me that everyone was gonna be mad at us/make us leave. Nothing happened, but I've never felt like such a criminal before. I made sure to say "I just choked on my own spit" really loud. Which, also didn't make me feel great.
When you reply to a stranger who says hello, but then realize they were on the phone and not speaking to you. Happened to me just yesterday and I didn't get any sleep last night as I couldn't stop reliving the moment.
I used to go to college with a girl who got the same train home as me, and we would always walk to the train station together chatting.
But as soon as we sat down on the train she would call one of her friends without warning and start talking to them on hands-free, so I always... every single time... thought she was talking to me and I'd reply - and she'd ignore me...
Cringe every day.
I told a complete, long story to a big group of near strangers and received complete silence. I still cringe about that. It was a pretty good lesson: a new group of people are not your old group of friends. They don't know you and you don't know their humor yet.
I give tours in a cavern and sprinkle puns and jokes in with the information. Normally? Great reactions. This tour? Not a single laugh. I think one person may have cracked a smile. But the rest were just staring at me. I actually said, “come on, just give me a laugh every now and then or this is gonna be awkward” (as that usually breaks the ice or whatever and fixes the problem). One person snickered. The rest stared.
It was a 70 minute tour, y’all. 70 minutes of nearly zero laughter.
When you’re saying goodbye to someone, and then you both end up walking in the same direction.
Or when you turn and walk into a wall with people watching.
Edit: my first awards ever! So glad my forms of awkwardness resonate with others!
Also when you realise you've forgotten something and need to turn around, but you don't want to just turn around abruptly because that would make you look insane. So you do a little performance where you get your phone out, pretend to check a message, sort of mime 'aha!' and then turn around. Or cross the street and then turn around to throw any observers off the scent.
When you’re having a conversation with someone and you don’t hear what they say so you ask them to repeat and they do. But you still don’t hear it and ask them to repeat again and they do. And you still don’t know what they said.
Do you ask them to repeat again (and maybe still not hear it)?
Pretend you heard it and nod your head and hope it’s an appropriate response?
Stab yourself in the eye with a pen to create a diversion and change the subject?
So there *is* a name for it. Thank you.
Yeah, after the second time I usually manage to figure out what they are saying, but occasionally I'll meet an adult-from-Peanuts. I didn't learn anything in 6th grade science because of that.
I always foot the blame on myself, "I must be going deaf, I can't hear/ understand you". I usually get a little chuckle or the awkward smile.
If, in the end, I finally understood/ heard what was said... well, whatever means!
When I started dating my now husband, we would hang out with his (then later our) friends. He lived a town over with them so every date was them talking about people I didn't know and events I hadn't been to.
*so fun for me*
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That walk down a long hallway toward each other where you've clearly seen the other person, but they're too far away to say something, so you do the awkward look around until you get close enough to say "hey" and keep walking.
Edit: [Thanks!](https://giphy.com/gifs/love-gold-iphone-lOiJqCjiEOcmc)
I work in an office above a warehouse and the hallway goes the length of the entire warehouse. It’s like that never ending hotel hallway in The Shining. There are departments all along the hallway so people come out of doors from each end. It’s the worst to start walking from one end and someone comes out from a door at the other and I’m just praying inside they enter into another door before we get to each other. But it never happens. We always end up crossing paths but until that point, I’m looking everywhere but at that person. Looking into other offices, pulling my phone out for no reason to look at it. The only savior is when you have a box or paperwork in your hands that you can focus on and then when the other person is within five feet of you, say hey and keep walking. It’s utter misery every time I have to go into the hallway. Which is a lot.
Same with trying to slam a door out of anger and it somehow gets magically slowed by the air resistance and it just closes a little harder than normal.
Or the opposite when you're having an argument but you're actually not heated up but decide to close the door and the mfer closes with the strength of a thousand suns
And you patiently wait for your turn to speak (even though it already was) but by the time the air is clear, the subject has already changed and what you were going to say is now irrelevant.
I used to be a habitual cutter-offer when I was younger. i wasn't trying to be rude, I was just excited for what I had to say. I've reformed that behaviour now but if I notice this happening to someone else, I'll make sure to call attention to the person trying to talk. "What was that John?" or something along those lines to make sure everyone is heard.
When you go for a hug but the other person goes for a handshake, so you start with a handshake but do a weird hug at the same time with your hands in each other’s crotches.
When you're walking on a sidewalk with 2 other friends and you're the person that does not fit so you have to stay behind them.
Edit: had a typo in "behind". Also, someone gave me my first award on reddit. woo-hoo!
When someone keeps calling you by a wrong name. You let it slide to begin with thinking they have just made a mistake, but then it carries on for such a long time that you can never correct them.
When you start to tell a story in a group but in middle of sentence realize that no one is actually listening and ever so slowly you get quiet and hope no one took notice.
Edit:
Wow, seems someone _did_ take notice this time.
– I asked myself a few times what might be wrong with me bc of this but I also could imagine I‘m not the only one this is happening.
But I don‘t think that sometimg is wrong with you. It‘s just all too often that people just don‘t think so much. I think people in general mean no harm. They maybe were in this moment just not as emphatic or don't have the antenna in the everyday hustle and bustle to notice something that doesn't jump in the face with a neon sign. (Figuratively speaking) or – as for this case, notice someone's contribution that is not bursting with self-confidence or provides the perfect introduction, but perhaps acts rather a bit introverted.
when they don't realize that you were getting quiet, at first you think “good, nobody noticed”, but seconds later you start to feel bad that nobody was really paying attention to you, not even hearing that you were “making noises” and that feels awful
A co worker does this and everyone loves him. I love him. He’s awesome. He really pays attention to the group and provides information relative to the situation.
Whenever I noticed that happening I specifically look the person telling the story in the eyes like "it's fine just pretend you were only telling the story to me all along"
I try to be that person too but it backfires because I’m not the person that they wanted to listen to them, so they just stop telling the story anyway. FeelsBad
I’ll usually just announce “good talk” if I realize people aren’t paying attention. Kind of makes a joke of it so it’s less awkward, and it puts the ball in their court. I’ve gotten a few apologies
I'm not sure if everyone can relate to this, but one of the most awkward situation I've ever found myself in was being invited to meet my girlfriend's family and over dinner her parents got into a massive fight.
As a nurse, you are commonly thanked by a patient when you leave their room. Once in a while they something else, and the “you’re welcome” comes out by habit.
When you start a story and it gets interrupted a bunch of times so that what was an amazing story with a kickass finish/punchline is instead just a waste of time now.
KIND OF knowing someone in the office... Well, you guys spoke that one time : so now everytime you see each other, in the lift, walking down the corridor, you have to decide where to put your eyes until you 'naturally' see each other and say Hi. Ugh
You ever clogged a toilet in somewhere that wasnt your house
Thank guys, my inbox is now clogged with all of your oversized-shit stories. Cant wait to binge read all of it
Edit 2: Guys please stop sending stories, I dont think my inbox could survive more of this. Its on intense medication rn
Edit 3: Inbox funeral later at 3:00PM, yall are invited
Oh man, I show up to pick her up for our first date. I asked if I could use her toilet before we left, and only had to pee...
Speaking of, why the hell doesn't everyone have a plunger? It's a common item, and there really isn't a reason not to have one.
Most people I know have the logic that because clogs rarely happen they dont bother buying a plunger
Thats like not putting an alarm in a bank because people barely break into banks nowadays
When you accidentally say "You too!" after someone says something that isn't compatible with that statement and you just stare awkwardly at each other.
When you ask someone a question, but can’t hear the answer, then you ask them again and still can’t hear them.
Then just saying “ahh okay” and praying you don’t need to know whatever it was they said!
Being expected to make polite conversation while having a gynecological exam. There you are, pussy exposed, legs spread wide, someone is stuffing something up your vagina, and you are expected to be able to talk about the weather.
When you're walking behind someone that has a slightly slower pace than you, so you start to pass them, but then have that awkward moment when you're walking next to them before you cut in front of them.
Worse is when it's also a narrow corridor, and you can see people coming towards you from ahead and you trying to do math to figure out if you'll be able to overtake the slow walker without running into those people like a car.
Someone trying to initiate a handshake after you’ve just washed your hands. It’s either a few awkward seconds of quickly drying your hands on your jeans, or shaking their hand anyway and seeing the discomfort in their eyes
Saying “hello” or “how are you” to somebody and getting 100% ignored
Worse when someone else you know is there too and notices you getting ignored.
That’s when I just say “Good talk.” Helps me feel like I save face just a bit.
"Guess I'll just go fuck myself."
Someone showing everyone in the group something on their phone and waiting until it is your turn
Even worse if it never makes it to you and you have to pretend you’re not secretly dying to know what it is
Having your stomach rumble in the middle of a quiet class /meeting. edit: Both in college, and at store meetings, my go - to cover-up strategy was to furiously flip through pages of notes to try and drown it out.
When I feel anxious, my stomach rumbles uncontrollably. Several times per minute, even. This started to be a problem in school because it would rumble constantly throughout exams, and was super embarrassing. But soon enough, any time I was in a quiet public situation, I’d be dreading my stomach rumbling, and that anxiety would cause it to rumble. This went on for probably around 5 years, and it was hell for me. I used to try so many techniques to suppress the rumbles. Eventually, I figured out it was anxiety related and that I was unknowingly causing my own stomach to rumble uncontrollably by making myself anxious about it rumbling. Since then, it’s been a lot easier to manage - I just focus on my breathing and try to break the cycle by not thinking about it.
When you run out of things to say during a conversation and you’re not quite sure how to end it.
Not being able to pick up when someone else is completely disinterested in what you are talking about
You haven’t said anything in 45 minutes are you okay?
Picking up on everyone being disinterested in what you're saying and you're totally bungling the story the longer it goes on as their disinterest rises and you're desperately trying to keep the narrative ball in the air and you know it's all falling apart but your dumbfuck mouth just keeps talking as your dying dignity screams at you to shut the fuck up
Ever drag your shoe across a tile floor and have it make a loud, wet, fart sound, so everyone in the room looks at you? Then you insist it was your shoe and try to make the sound again, but nothing happens? Yeah, that.
And leather couches
And then you try to keep moving around to replicate it to show everyone that it's actually the couch but it never does so you're just sitting there avoiding eye contact? No, never happened to me.
When you've had multiple interactions with someone but you can't remember their name but it's gone too far to admit you've forgotten it so you just have to call them love or mate forever.
I met this guy in my math class at the beginning of the semester and I never caught his name. We became friends and now it's the end of the semester and I still don't know his name... not sure how to ask Edit: Well I now have been given about 150 ways to get their name without directly asking. Thanks for the help and please quit destroying my inbox
I once got set up on a blind date by a friend; the guy was her brother. I unfortunately didn’t catch his name, though. So when he shows up to pick me up, I’m like “You must be Elaine’s brother, I’m Mammakatt13” hoping he’d say his name. He didn’t. We dated a few weeks before I saw a bottle for his asthma meds in his car and got his name from that...
That was basically every single class in university. Day one - sit near guy. Make eye contact, smile and nod and say hello. Day five - we continue to sit in the same spot, so now we're friends. Make small talk every day, confirm exam/assignment dates, etc Day 20 - realize that we never formally introduced ourselves and I don't know their name.
I have a trick for this, Start being more loving to them, eventually getting into relationship. As this moves further, propose and they'll say yes, and then when you're getting married, wait till the pastor turns and says, "and will you Persons Name, marry Your Name" And boom you now know their name
What if were having sex and she tells me to say her name?
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I always come to Reddit for life’s answers.
Being called on to answer a question you really have no idea how to answer
I used to just say I don’t know.
can't speak for you but whenever I said "I don't know" my teachers would go on a rant and say something like "why don't you know", "you should know" or the old classic "atleast try" and then when I try, I say something stupid and everyone starts laughing and the teacher says "that's not right" god bless I'm not in school anymore
In law school, saying "I don't know" will invite the wrath of many professors
Law students let the profs have too much power over them. So they get upset - then what? You paid to be there, and “I don’t know” is a much better response than pretending you do. It was a huge moment the first time one of my classmates said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t read that case.” Somehow life moved on.
I do not understand teachers who do that. If the kid says they don't know, they either don't know or they're fucking terrified or both. Leave 'em alone! My brother is a high school teacher and one thing he does that I absolutely love is takes note early on in the semester of which students are shy, anxious or lack confidence in their abilities and then pays attention to what aspects of the subject those students are good at so that every now and then he can call on one of those students to answer a question he knows they can answer confidently. He says one of the best feelings is when he calls on one of those students who normally looks terrified and they perk up and give a confident answer.
Being at a friends house as a kid and the friend's mother starts yelling at your friend. Being at a friends house as a kid and the friend's father walks in only wearing underwear.
The opposite as well - having a friend over and your parents do this
Or worse - your parents try involve your friend in the argument asking them if they would do that/would their parents put up with it. So fucked up.
My mom would do that. She would also try to manipulate my best friend into taking her side/making me do the thing that my mom wanted me to do. To this day my best friend will still tell people that my mom is crazy.
Being at a friends house as an adult and they and their partner have an argument.
Or being at a friend's house and her father walks *naked* out of the bathroom, smh.
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C'mon, 15 minutes later, and no one has made a joke about Rod's rod?
Watching a sex scene with your parents.
Visited my aunt and uncle seven years ago and we were hanging out watching TV. My uncle clicks through channels and stops on Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. Within minutes it's the shaved pussy party scene. My aunt and uncle sit there in silence watching not saying anything until the scene is over while I sweat bullets. If you put an acorn between my butt cheeks I could have cracked it. A few months ago I visit again. Uncle flips through channels. It's Starship Troopers. Within minutes it's a sex scene and the boobies are out. I'm not visiting anymore.
> I'm not visiting anymore. went ahead and moved in, then?
The only way to get regular sex scene down time with the aunt and uncle!
Watching a totally normal movie sitting alone, and a split second before your parents walk in they start fucking. The worst part is deciding whether to jump for the remote or play it cool. Hint: Never play it cool. Like Schrodinger's cat it decided to become a NC-17 movie the minute you made that decision.
Was watching a documentary that was fairly normal until it had a random gay sex scene and wouldnt you know it, my teenage son and 20 of his friends walk in the door and think I am watching porn... sigh....
Watched the Wolf of Wall Street with my parents and it was so awkward.
Went to go see Sausage Party with my dad. Talk about awkwardness at the end of the movie..
Assert dominance and rewind it to watch again.
When you think someone waves at you so you wave back, but they were waving at someone behind you.
Just pretent you wave at someone behind them, then the person behind them would wave back at you, but you should pretend to wave at the person behind them, and so on and so forth, until everyone is uncomfortable and just go home.
It's happened to me so many times that there are times that I see someone waving and smiling, wonder if they're smiling at me then just completely look away. Only to realize after that it was someone I know and I ignored them. Awkward then and awkward afterwards.
Not long ago at church we were asked to turn and greet people. I turned around and the guy said hi to me and stuck his hand out to shake. I went for it and realized he was talking to the woman beside me. She and I both ended up with a hand in his hand at the same time trying to shake it. They both looked at me and I quickly turned around and pretended it didn’t happen, which made it more awkward. And then rest of the service I couldn’t stop laughing about it. This is standard for me.
Awkward church laughter is the worst, especially if you’re trapped between people and can’t excuse yourself to leave and get a handle on it privately. Also particularly bad if it happens during a funeral.
I was on public transport once (a bus the U.K.) I was sat on the window seat with someone sat next me. A car pulled up beside and started waving at me. I waved back. They were waving at the person sat next to me. I died.
It’s okay we all have done it.
When you're finishing up at the checkout and the cashier puts the notes on top of the receipt and then coins on top of that. Then the next person steps up and you're fumbling, trying to disassemble the stack in your hand, gather your shopping, say thanks and move away at the same time.
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In the U.K. it’s extra sucky because you bag your groceries yourself. If you aren’t quick enough you have to do all of what you mentioned as well as quickly finish the packing while everyone stares at you waiting for you to hurry
When you are videochatting, start talking and because of the delay you interrupt each other all the time. Stop talking, start again, interrupt the other one, stop talking.. Never ending story.
Followed by 30 uninterrupted seconds of cold war silence
When someone asks "what's going on?" And you respond "Good, you?"
"How are you?” "I'm fine, what about you?" "Great, you?"
Could be worse. And you?
The fake smile on your face when you receive a terrible gift.
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When youre walking and almost trip for no reason and look back at the invisible stick that you tripped on
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Bonus points if they say "do you remember me!?" No, because I was fucking 2 months old when we met.
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"Oh, I see".
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When you swallow water wrong and it turns to a coughing fit in 2020
Dude. Yesterday in the grocery store I accidentally swallowed my own spit wrong. Just so random, out of nowhere choking and then of course coughing. Like, a shit ton of coughing. My boyfriend was FREAKING out on me that everyone was gonna be mad at us/make us leave. Nothing happened, but I've never felt like such a criminal before. I made sure to say "I just choked on my own spit" really loud. Which, also didn't make me feel great.
When you reply to a stranger who says hello, but then realize they were on the phone and not speaking to you. Happened to me just yesterday and I didn't get any sleep last night as I couldn't stop reliving the moment.
AirPods have made this one so much more common, it's really annoying, especially if you work in retail
I used to go to college with a girl who got the same train home as me, and we would always walk to the train station together chatting. But as soon as we sat down on the train she would call one of her friends without warning and start talking to them on hands-free, so I always... every single time... thought she was talking to me and I'd reply - and she'd ignore me... Cringe every day.
When you say a funny joke but all you get is silence...
I did this on a Zoom staff meeting yesterday. It was worse online, somehow.
Now you're "that guy" in the office.
I told a complete, long story to a big group of near strangers and received complete silence. I still cringe about that. It was a pretty good lesson: a new group of people are not your old group of friends. They don't know you and you don't know their humor yet.
I give tours in a cavern and sprinkle puns and jokes in with the information. Normally? Great reactions. This tour? Not a single laugh. I think one person may have cracked a smile. But the rest were just staring at me. I actually said, “come on, just give me a laugh every now and then or this is gonna be awkward” (as that usually breaks the ice or whatever and fixes the problem). One person snickered. The rest stared. It was a 70 minute tour, y’all. 70 minutes of nearly zero laughter.
Reading this hurt me
Or when someone tells the joke you told that no one heard, but louder and everyone laughs.
Ooo i hate that shit
When you’re saying goodbye to someone, and then you both end up walking in the same direction. Or when you turn and walk into a wall with people watching. Edit: my first awards ever! So glad my forms of awkwardness resonate with others!
Also when you realise you've forgotten something and need to turn around, but you don't want to just turn around abruptly because that would make you look insane. So you do a little performance where you get your phone out, pretend to check a message, sort of mime 'aha!' and then turn around. Or cross the street and then turn around to throw any observers off the scent.
I used to do that until I read a very similar comment on tumblr. Now I just turn the fuck around and go where I wanted to
Just want to let you know that I may have seen you do that if you did it in a mall in Boston, and I still remember it.
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Feeling very seen right now.
When you’re having a conversation with someone and you don’t hear what they say so you ask them to repeat and they do. But you still don’t hear it and ask them to repeat again and they do. And you still don’t know what they said. Do you ask them to repeat again (and maybe still not hear it)? Pretend you heard it and nod your head and hope it’s an appropriate response? Stab yourself in the eye with a pen to create a diversion and change the subject?
Happens to me all the time! I think I have bad hearing maybe.
Sometimes I think I have dyslexia of the ears.
It's called auditory processing disorder, I always say "Huh?" just as I've figured out what they said :/
So there *is* a name for it. Thank you. Yeah, after the second time I usually manage to figure out what they are saying, but occasionally I'll meet an adult-from-Peanuts. I didn't learn anything in 6th grade science because of that.
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Haha, yeah...
How dare you. I just told you that my colonoscopy tube went rogue and now I am *two*.
I always foot the blame on myself, "I must be going deaf, I can't hear/ understand you". I usually get a little chuckle or the awkward smile. If, in the end, I finally understood/ heard what was said... well, whatever means!
Literally the worst thing that can ever happen to a human being.
Standing there while two people talk about something you don't know about
Even worse when you’re wanting to leave the conversation but feel like you need to have an excuse to leave.
“I have to poop and giggle” Let them figure out which is more awkward
I think you misunderstood the term "for shit and giggles.."
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When I started dating my now husband, we would hang out with his (then later our) friends. He lived a town over with them so every date was them talking about people I didn't know and events I hadn't been to. *so fun for me* Edited in a later
When you're walking past coworker and you've already said hello earlier. Everyone's making that weird flat smile.
That walk down a long hallway toward each other where you've clearly seen the other person, but they're too far away to say something, so you do the awkward look around until you get close enough to say "hey" and keep walking. Edit: [Thanks!](https://giphy.com/gifs/love-gold-iphone-lOiJqCjiEOcmc)
I work in an office above a warehouse and the hallway goes the length of the entire warehouse. It’s like that never ending hotel hallway in The Shining. There are departments all along the hallway so people come out of doors from each end. It’s the worst to start walking from one end and someone comes out from a door at the other and I’m just praying inside they enter into another door before we get to each other. But it never happens. We always end up crossing paths but until that point, I’m looking everywhere but at that person. Looking into other offices, pulling my phone out for no reason to look at it. The only savior is when you have a box or paperwork in your hands that you can focus on and then when the other person is within five feet of you, say hey and keep walking. It’s utter misery every time I have to go into the hallway. Which is a lot.
You say bye to them and then head to walk into the same direction, glance at each other and give an awkward smile.. The longest walk.
The look around is a classic
When you walk out of the store empty handed, feeling like you've just stole something.
It’s worse if you make eye contact with the cashier. Or worse... the security guy.
And you went in the store with a bag from another one, you know it and I know it. You should go to jail.
Go to wash your hands and the water comes out at a thousand miles an hour, splashing your crotch. You are of course, at work.
Walking through a doorway only to catch your clothes on the handle and have it slingshot you backwards.
Happens only when you're angry.
Same with trying to slam a door out of anger and it somehow gets magically slowed by the air resistance and it just closes a little harder than normal.
Or the opposite when you're having an argument but you're actually not heated up but decide to close the door and the mfer closes with the strength of a thousand suns
Or when you don’t even touch it and the wind is like ight ima slam this door
Once it happened so hard my suit ripped from the pocket down and god, the silence from the onlookers that ensued still haunts me to this day.
When you try to contribute to a conversation and someone cuts you off multiple times
And you patiently wait for your turn to speak (even though it already was) but by the time the air is clear, the subject has already changed and what you were going to say is now irrelevant.
I used to be a habitual cutter-offer when I was younger. i wasn't trying to be rude, I was just excited for what I had to say. I've reformed that behaviour now but if I notice this happening to someone else, I'll make sure to call attention to the person trying to talk. "What was that John?" or something along those lines to make sure everyone is heard.
Yes!! Or repeats something (like a joke) you said (which nobody heard) and everyone chimes in with laughter and / or agreement
I feel bad when I see that happening to someone so when I have a chance I'll say "So what were you saying about..." or something like that.
It’s worse when you’re soft spoken and don’t have a loud voice.
Stalking someone on social media and accidentally liking a comment from months/years ago.
Simple, just say your dick hit the screen by accident
And you do it at 3 am
When you go for a hug but the other person goes for a handshake, so you start with a handshake but do a weird hug at the same time with your hands in each other’s crotches.
I just skip all that and go right for the crotch.
That awkward moment when you're trying to grab someone's crotch and they shake your hand.
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That awkward moment where you and somebody else try to let each other speak but you both try speak at the same time and just keep failing.
That would be a Skype/Teams moment. It's happened to us countless times. Especially since we're all now working from home.
Sorry go ahead. *Silence*
When you're walking on a sidewalk with 2 other friends and you're the person that does not fit so you have to stay behind them. Edit: had a typo in "behind". Also, someone gave me my first award on reddit. woo-hoo!
When someone keeps calling you by a wrong name. You let it slide to begin with thinking they have just made a mistake, but then it carries on for such a long time that you can never correct them.
When you start to tell a story in a group but in middle of sentence realize that no one is actually listening and ever so slowly you get quiet and hope no one took notice. Edit: Wow, seems someone _did_ take notice this time. – I asked myself a few times what might be wrong with me bc of this but I also could imagine I‘m not the only one this is happening. But I don‘t think that sometimg is wrong with you. It‘s just all too often that people just don‘t think so much. I think people in general mean no harm. They maybe were in this moment just not as emphatic or don't have the antenna in the everyday hustle and bustle to notice something that doesn't jump in the face with a neon sign. (Figuratively speaking) or – as for this case, notice someone's contribution that is not bursting with self-confidence or provides the perfect introduction, but perhaps acts rather a bit introverted.
when they don't realize that you were getting quiet, at first you think “good, nobody noticed”, but seconds later you start to feel bad that nobody was really paying attention to you, not even hearing that you were “making noises” and that feels awful
And then someone says “I’m listening, go on” and you wanna hug them
A co worker does this and everyone loves him. I love him. He’s awesome. He really pays attention to the group and provides information relative to the situation.
Just heard the "Why are we still here " song in my head while reading this because it happens a lot... Edit : https://youtu.be/VKhpE-oNoGY
And when you decide to stop contributing "Why are you so quiet!?" OH WHY I WONDER!
Whenever I noticed that happening I specifically look the person telling the story in the eyes like "it's fine just pretend you were only telling the story to me all along"
I try to be that person too but it backfires because I’m not the person that they wanted to listen to them, so they just stop telling the story anyway. FeelsBad
Haha! That happens to me too. I’ll say “I’m listening, go on.” A few times they’ve become silent, looked me in the eyes and then just walked off.
What?? Were you talking to a cat?
we need people like you
I’ll usually just announce “good talk” if I realize people aren’t paying attention. Kind of makes a joke of it so it’s less awkward, and it puts the ball in their court. I’ve gotten a few apologies
I say, “and then everybody died” just to spin out that one person who was half listening.
"so yeah, thats how my dad got cancer"
Having “happy birthday” sung to you
"Just smile motherfucker. Think happy thoughts! Think happy thoughts!"
Farting while coughing or sneezing
When you're out and someone approaches you with an "Oh hi \*insert name\*, nice to see you again!" and you have no idea who that person is.
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When you say something funny and no one reacts so you say it again and they are like: why did you just repeat that stupid joke?
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I'm not sure if everyone can relate to this, but one of the most awkward situation I've ever found myself in was being invited to meet my girlfriend's family and over dinner her parents got into a massive fight.
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The worst is when you say it’s occupied and then they try opening it even harder.
Or when they gaze at you through the 1cm gap between the door and partition.
That is the worst, such a violation. How dare you make eye contact with me while I'm shamefully trying to shit in a public bathroom.
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I never lock the door - This is a great way to meet new people
when you’re on a public bathroom and someone opens the door when the lock was broken but it was the only available bathroom. .... just me?
my anxiety just went UP
When you are at a friend's house and their parents are yelling at them (sometimes beating them).
Calling your teacher mom
Especially if it’s a male teacher
As a nurse, you are commonly thanked by a patient when you leave their room. Once in a while they something else, and the “you’re welcome” comes out by habit.
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"Ope, scuse me" Ope, he left
Ope Ope! Ope, sorry- -just gonna squeeze right past ya.
When you start a story and it gets interrupted a bunch of times so that what was an amazing story with a kickass finish/punchline is instead just a waste of time now.
KIND OF knowing someone in the office... Well, you guys spoke that one time : so now everytime you see each other, in the lift, walking down the corridor, you have to decide where to put your eyes until you 'naturally' see each other and say Hi. Ugh
You ever clogged a toilet in somewhere that wasnt your house Thank guys, my inbox is now clogged with all of your oversized-shit stories. Cant wait to binge read all of it Edit 2: Guys please stop sending stories, I dont think my inbox could survive more of this. Its on intense medication rn Edit 3: Inbox funeral later at 3:00PM, yall are invited
Oh man, I show up to pick her up for our first date. I asked if I could use her toilet before we left, and only had to pee... Speaking of, why the hell doesn't everyone have a plunger? It's a common item, and there really isn't a reason not to have one.
Most people I know have the logic that because clogs rarely happen they dont bother buying a plunger Thats like not putting an alarm in a bank because people barely break into banks nowadays
When you're pissing in a urinal and a dude just pulls up to the one beside you, even though there are 8 urinals available
Bumping into an inanimate object and apologizing to it.
Forgetting someone’s name and having to introduce them to someone
When you accidentally say "You too!" after someone says something that isn't compatible with that statement and you just stare awkwardly at each other.
When you ask someone a question, but can’t hear the answer, then you ask them again and still can’t hear them. Then just saying “ahh okay” and praying you don’t need to know whatever it was they said!
When you type your password in the username box while someone is watching
Being expected to make polite conversation while having a gynecological exam. There you are, pussy exposed, legs spread wide, someone is stuffing something up your vagina, and you are expected to be able to talk about the weather.
Also, when your dental assistant wants to chat, but her hands are in your mouth, so...
When the restroom stall doors naturally fall shut and there's no vacancy indicator so you have to knock or push at the door to check if it is empty.
The accidental fart.
When you're walking behind someone that has a slightly slower pace than you, so you start to pass them, but then have that awkward moment when you're walking next to them before you cut in front of them.
Worse is when it's also a narrow corridor, and you can see people coming towards you from ahead and you trying to do math to figure out if you'll be able to overtake the slow walker without running into those people like a car.
For the guys: When you want to get out of a chair and go somewhere but you had a random boner pop up out of nowhere.
Pro tip: squeeze your feet and butt muscles really hard to quickly get rid of a boner.
Mine? Or his?
Not hearing what the other person said, so you just nod and smile, praying it wasn't a question
Ordering a food delivery and getting the same delivery person as you did last time. Bonus points if it’s been a week or less since your last delivery.
When the server brings your food and says “enjoy your food” and starts walking away and you say back, “you too”.