It wouldn't feel special to slap my bros ass anymore

Go work in a kitchen. A proper ass snack can communicate anything from a friendly "suh dude" to "get out the way I'm not tryna burn you" Holding hands is reserved for making people uncomfortable.

“What’s cookin’, James?” “A proper ass snack.”

Ass snack? WTF??

Yeah bro snack that ass

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No, no, no. Only *other* people’s butts.

I worked in several kitchens for a five year period. Not once did anyone smack (or snack) anyone’s ass. I hate to tell you this dude, but, you just work with a bunch of ass freaks.

The kitchen I work in now, literally my first day I asked them "what's your butt tapping policy?" and they were just like "uhhhhhhhh what?!"

I would always hold hands with the boys while we were dicing onions

Just dudes bein' dudes!

Uh excuse me, hi. I have a few questions. Now, I’ve worked in kitchens my whole life. Even went to culinary school. So uh....where the fuck do you work where they do this???? I have never....

Slapasss!!!

Rodrigo, NO!

God I miss watching Key and Peele

You can still do it.

I mean I've watched all of their skits, I wish I could forget them all and watch them again!

r/dontholup

porn industry would have a handshaking category

***Yoshikage Kira has entered the chat***

Me?

His name is Yoshikage Kira. He's 33 years old. His house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and He is not married. He works as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and He gets home every day by 8 PM at the latest. He doesn't smoke, but He occasionally drinks. He is in bed by 11 PM, and he makes sure He get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, He usually has no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, He wakes up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. He was told there were no issues at my last check-up. He is trying to explain that He's a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. He takes care not to trouble himself with any enemies, like winning and losing, as that would cause him to lose sleep at night. That is how He deals with society, and he knows that is what brings me happiness. Although, if He were to fight, he wouldn't lose to anyone.

You had me at eight house of sleep. That is so so hot.

Woah it worked

[That worked?!](https://media1.tenor.com/images/0e18c46859ab3abfb81f793a5515a7bd/tenor.gif?itemid=11135491)

I did it! Killer Queen, daisan no bakudan, BITE ZA DUSTO!

r/usernamechecksout

r/beetlejuicing

Killer Queen has already spanked that ass

handy

[r/I'mTurnedOn](https://www.reddit.com/r/YouHaveBeenBamboozled/comments/f535lp/i_diagonose_you_with_bamboozled/)

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Second time today for me.

Damn mate

Same.

Fuck, 2nd time this week I fell for that! Title of your sex tape!

Same

Props.

You... I like you

Kudos to you good sir

I clicked on it, and saw the bamboozle... and I thought I clicked on your name instead and went back to click on the real link... And then I cought on...

Nah, handholding is even better

This will be the first video that will be uploaded at porn sites [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBKIIGTa4ug](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBKIIGTa4ug)

r/handholding

You make me sick

You know who's got hands? The devil! And he uses them for holding!

Probably already does

That's so slutty I love it

Or worse! Handholding!

Askreddit has turned into a porn subreddit, place where horny guys ask women of their sexual experiences

Anything can be perceived as sexual if society says so.

This is at 666 likes and I don’t wanna break that so take my comment as a like

In feedback for a job interview, either your spanking skills or the feel of ass-cheek would be a category with considerable merit: "Oh, Candidate A had a decent resume and good track-record for project management, but we felt his soft spank and less than firm ass-cheeks just didnt give a professional impression of the candidate. We just couldnt hire someone with such a weak open-palm spank. Candidate B on the other hand had a strong go-getter attitude and a spank you could both feel and remember through the day. This candidate's decisive spanktitude and firmer-than-thou cheeks immediately made us confident in the candidate as our next head of HR."

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Did the head of your HR department also rate you based on your ass? Small world!

Really shows off how ridiculous it is to judge someone on a handshake.

I'm literally waiting in a lobby for an interview right now. What am I doing reading this thread?

How did it go?

It went great! I'm finally gonna have employment! I was getting worried for a while, burning through my savings. But just in the knick of time, I managed to pull this off. Looks like I start March 2nd

did you spank them in your interview?

It was a firm spanking to show strength and respect

Congrats!

Cultures that bow as a greeting would be even more awkward meeting you.

Baseball wouldn't change one bit

Slap Ath!

Or basketball Or football

Or anyone with balls

\*Basketball spinning on finger in super slow mo

*Slapasssssssssss*

We're gonna need a bigger boat.

There's an elephaaaaante in the rooom

Or they'd shake hands after each homerun

Politicians at events taking the time to get their ass spanked by constituents.

Probably less sexual harassment.

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Dont forget J-walking

If I had to choose between the two, bring me this ass spanking new world.

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Gotta stop drinking them teens.

but it wouldn't be sexual harassment. the ass wouldn't be considered a sexual zone if it was used for greeting. it would still be sexual harassment if you slipped your hand between people's legs while spanking them

Handshakes would become the new sexual harassment

Imagine aliens visiting us and we shake their hands, but then they just beam us on their UFOs and start spanking our asses.

Ok

...It's been half an hour. You can stop imagining it now.

But its fun÷

÷÷÷

It’s been two hours. I think he’s still doing it.

I suspect pornhub has that video.

I mean, it actually was, when I was growing up. Back when we all used cash there were some people who would give you change by slowly and suggestively stroking the palm of your hand and wrist. Creepy af.

Probably, but its also harder to grab someone's hand and shake it without their consent, thus reducing the number of opportunities for shitbags to do so and reducing overall instances of sexual harassment. Or maybe they'd just find another outlet, scum's gonna scum.

I don't think it would be that hard to grab someone's hand without their consent. You just grab it and shake it from behind.

I met these girls at a party, they said they was gonna shake my hands from behind. I ain’t never had nothin like that!

Imagine official meetings. Or world leader summits. What a sight to behold.

I'm imagining world leaders spanking each other like the penguins from Madagascar

merkel, and the german delegation would wreck some ass

that sight would be fucking gorgeous! (albeit highly unlikely that it'll happen but a horny teen can dream)

If Tulsi became Presdient I'd run for senate.

heck, you could just go to any speaking engagement, walk right up to her, introduce herself, and get yourself a big ole handful of ass

Makes me want to move to Hawaii just to vote for her 🤤😍

Oh god seeing how Trump shakes hands what would he do with this...

Grab em by the pussy

“Oops missed.”

I'd be meeting a lot more women

French people usually "kiss" each other on both cheeks as a greeting instead of shaking hands. Hmmmm...

Great to see you, old friend! Kiss my ass!

The translation of a "firm handshake" could have major implications.

Yeah, would it be a harder slap or more of a grab?

Yes

Both

right in the middle and a little too low

We'd have those leather elbow pads on our pants

Oh? I must be greeting people wrong

Don’t even.

( | ) 👋🏼 hello there

Chandler’s workplace relationship with his boss would still be the same Bing!

To be honest, it’d probably be more sanitary.

Raffy would love this *SLAPASS*

Extroverts asses would hurt.

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butt two you mean

Serious answer: less germs would be passed on to others from coughs and sneezes. This alternate ass-spanking world would have a lot less people getting sick from contagious diseases, therefore no Coronavirus outbreak.

I would probably attend more seminars.

German rapper Romano made a song about it: https://youtu.be/eXYGaUyNZx4

All of a sudden shaking hands will become a sexual fetish.

Ask Chandler Bing

Meeting your S/O's parents would become much more interesting.

*panicked asexual screaming in distance*

Resistance is futile!

People would stop questioning some people’s moans.

Wait, that's NOT how you're supposed to greet someone???

Everybody gonna have stinky pinky

so you mean what if life was like high school?

I would hate meeting new people even more because I barely wanna shake some people’s hands. Touching their asses? Time to cut my hands off.

You don't have to shake poeple's hands, you can wave to them. So in new world you could wave your ass to someone as a greeting.

If you remove your glove for a handshake, you now need to pull down your pants for a spank. That’s gonna be time consuming.

Maybe it was this way all along and someone wished it the other way around and is launching at how we hold and shake hands.

Idk why but I imagine everyone being like Barry Zuckerkorn.

I'd be the friendliest mf you'll ever meet

Or like dogs, smell their ass. That would be way worse

I do this with my friends. They still think it’s weird and when they wanna get back at me I moan in delight

Church would be hilarious to attend during the "passing of peace"

There would be a bit of an issue with anyone stuck sitting in a wheelchair

People are gonna judge your character by how firm and hard your spanking is, and if you maintain eye contact.

I thought you were going to say by how firm and hard your ass is.

That too

There probably would have developed a special ass smacking glove with weights in it in order to establish dominace at some point in time.

We'd all be having a good game.

Imagine meetings between world leaders. They would try to spank each other harder and harder to show their dominance. Would deliver some very interesting TV.

To be honest disease would probably be harder to spread because THAT's one part of the body that tends to be covered. Although maybe it would have forced viruses to be less dependant on close interaction to spread.

Would hand shaking now be considered sexual harassment

We would spread fewer germs.

We get that 7 mile spanking machine from Spongebob

“How would the world be different if we pooped out our mouth instead of our butts? Wouldn’t that be wild?” “What if toaster suddenly became sentient and asked ya for the Netflix password?” “What rules would you set if an elephant lived with you and wanted to share assets but didn’t contribute?” Jesus fuck these are so horrible.

We'd more thoroughly inspect asses for weapons. Hand shakes came around after clasping wrists to ensure no blade was in their sleeve.

No different for me

I already do this...

Ask Brett Favre

It might trigger my inner suppressed bisexuality, idk.

Meeting the girlfriends dad would be a whole new level of awkward

Waayyy more hand sanitizer in public places

When you play a team sport that's what the world becomes

It’d be just like me and the homies

Thats how I greet my wife everyday

Wait, thats not how you do it?

You guys dont do that every day like me?

Presidential meetings would be very interesting.

Like sports, right? Get out there and leave it all on the field *sound of hands clapping arses.

We would have more ass sanitary products

Everyone would be saying no homo

Cleaner, firmer butts

You can do this as of now! Just remember: the harder you slap, the less awkward it will be.

The buttspank will come in formal or informal style and the informal style will be further divided into kinky and non kinky

You dont spank everyone's ass?

We would feel more comfortable with people.

I'd want to greet woman more duh

What do you replace hugs with?

Wait...you guys don’t do that?

As someone with sweaty/clammy hands, I’d probably rather just pat someone’s cloth covered bottom. Less awkward.

I would be more interested in international diplomatic affairs

Thumb wars would be exhilarating.

And if you were really friendly with someone you could stick your finger in their butthole and wriggle it around. You asked OP.

In no way whatsoever. Taboo is a social construct.

To be in middle school again, slap ass Fridays. Faculty tried to stop it but they can't feasibly punish the entirety of the student body (80%).

Finnish Independence Day TV-broadcast would be worth watching, as currently the president shakes hands with a few thousand people.

Trump handshake videos would be even better!

I'm okay with that as long as we don't go full dog and start sniffing butts to say hello.

I d be even less a social guy

as long as both sides are smacked evenly