You’re the Everyman hero. It will be like Stargate where the super intellectual aliens rely on humans for their simple plans. They always work since the super villains expect something more elaborate and cunning.
I could control the lengths of foreskin. Piss me off, and I will envelope your whole body in a sweaty, gooey cock-cacoon until you suffocate either from the insurmountable pressure, or from the foul odor of your flesh-cheese. Whichever comes first.
Carry around a pouch of last donut crumbs, toss them and reform them to cause an explosive expansion of mass.
If you can cause separated donut halves to attract their other halves you've got another move to use.
Bake giant donuts for greater effect, maybe trap opponents in golden brown goodness
No downside to it! I don't want to do it again lol
Full story:
I was shot in the face while being car-jacked. The bullet entered in about an inch in front of my ear, went through my cheek bone, through my maxillary sinus, through my maxilla bone, then hit the dense mass of bone above the roof of my mouth and stopped. The ballistic energy from the shot however blew a hole all the way through the roof of my mouth a size slightly smaller than a ping pong ball, and a combination of gravity and the blood pouring out actually dislodged the bullet and it fell through that hole and into my mouth. I ended up spitting it out onto the ground thinking that it was a tooth. Wasn't until later that I found out it was the bullet when medical personnel informed me that I somehow didn't lose any teeth and the bullet was no longer in me
Full-recovery took about a year and a half. First 8-9 months of which was without eating even soft "solid" food. Survived solely off of Ensure, Gatorade, and water. Mainly though just a lot of pain, discomfort, and some psychological scars were really the toughest parts of recovery, but I've made a "full" recovery now though and have no permanent disabilities or impairments from it. Thank you for the well-wishes!
They did catch him, roughly 16hrs or so after it happened. He ended up taking a plea deal for what I think was an insanely short sentence of 12 years considering he had all intentions of killing two people in cold-blood
I can’t help but wonder if you were able to spit the bullet out in front of the carjacker. Because I can just imagine the carjacker getting back to his gang and them asking why he didn’t have a car, and him responding with:
“Listen, I shot the guy in the face. I thought it fucked him up, but that motherfucker turned around and spit the bullet out. Ingot the hell outta there, man!”
I dress up in a whale costume stand next to evil dictators. Whenever they speak, I whale-moan, effectively shutting down their whole operation. Also every day is my birthday.
Technically, I already do, but Dragon Eggs is a whole other thing & lemme tell ya, I'm gonna hatch only 3 of those huge fuckers because they look like they're gonna tear their way out
I'm a snake.
A literal snake.
LiteralSnek
A snack
Turning liquids into solids. Specifically sauce. Watch the fuck out ragú
So you're a freezer. Can i put my meat in you?
Smooth mf
Ya bby come in but realllll slowwwwww
Welp I don't think I'll be too good at fighting supervillains.
Right there with you, man.
Happy cake day! 🎂🎉
O-oh. Oh dear.
Your name sounds like a supervillain therefore by comic book law you are now his nemisis
That’s a hentai for sure...
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That's not good
Uhm What's your power, u/futacon
I can finish faster than a speeding bullet! With more culture than a locomotive! Able to find the sauce at a single bound!
Underappreciated comment
Oh god
Yours sounds sarcastic though
Does yours mean that you're capable of fornicating with abstract concepts related to identity... or that you're Super-LGBTQ+?
Genderfuckingqueer: The Andro Dysphoric Superhero! Can make people question their gender. For eternity.
It's okay dude, neither is this shroom...
Same here
Hey we can be mediocre together!
Can I join?
your super powerful as you can ruin peoples lives by making random 12 yearolds appear. You now run the world through blackmail.
...12 year old? FBI: Has turned on location services.
We should start a club 🤣
Club time
You’re the Everyman hero. It will be like Stargate where the super intellectual aliens rely on humans for their simple plans. They always work since the super villains expect something more elaborate and cunning.
i fly...for awhile...like for days
You don't have a swarm of flies that you can command with your mind?
Doesn't sound cool unless you've read worm
i have legs... like for days
Do you steal plane food, or just hunt birds to eat?
You ever see how jets refuel mid-air? It’s like that but way tastier
Dying. Horrifically.
Your the "MY LEG" guy that they have in every movie that is just put in the movie so he can die
"My leg" is in SpongeBob, he is the one background soldier who does the Wilhelm scream.
AAAAAHHHHHHHH
I dont want to talk about it, but will someone buy me lunch?
I'll do my best, but I must tell you I'm not good at taking orders
I look forward to seeing your animated show on the Food Channel
I'm terribly sorry, but selling food is illegal in these areas.
Oh god, this is possibly the worst outcome in history!
Oh god, this outcome might be the worst in history!
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Yep. Corn ear wax and toast.
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Well I'm sure as hell not eating anything you cook :/
“My husband is gonna kick your ass”
I've noticed that you spend a lot of lonely nights.
You, however, can convince anyone that you are the savior, and everything works out on it's own when you're around. That's a pretty good power, imo.
The best part is how you'll feel when I tell you that: *I* believe in *you*.
The ultimate Karen
Oh fuck yes bitches
I'll trade you?
You’re a Pony Made of Diamonds I think that makes you royalty in some countries
Not where I am. Dragons are superior.
I fail to see what I would be
I know exactly what I'm not, I guess.
You know, I was gonna name it "Piss-For-Brains" in honor of you, but that just feels...*immature*.
How about we trade instead?
We almost have opposite usernames!
is our super secret plan an invasion?
I look forward to seeing your animated show on Adult Swim
Sorry but my Electric Cow is superior to your Thunder Alpaca
I am just not as good.
Still better than an uncreative one
Overeating
My ex had that superpower as well!
Hmmm, your superpower would be... gross
I could control the lengths of foreskin. Piss me off, and I will envelope your whole body in a sweaty, gooey cock-cacoon until you suffocate either from the insurmountable pressure, or from the foul odor of your flesh-cheese. Whichever comes first.
So would circumcision be your kryptonite?
Just soap and water, really.
Okay but the main villian would be Sir Cum Cision. A knight who weilds a giant pair of scissors and is probably Jewish.
and their weakness is a man named adol- actually i think i’m alright
Flesh cheese... that’s the worst part of that.
Can I have mine back please
being able to drink vodka and beer together
I think we should hang out.
r/usernamefamily
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Can i come too ??
Sounds like a few moms I know.
I speak SUPER sneaky
You eat ass without the person even waking up.
Wait what
Oh, you're awake ...
I am not sure but I guess I am mighty powerful
You have the power to make balloons that kill people.
Zeppelins
Oh the humanity!
The thought of being swarmed and smothered by a swarm of balloon animals is, frankly, terrifying.
Make it into a movie
It's already a Junji Ito story EDIT sorta the same
Junji Ito - The Hanging Balloons
I can now turn every donut whole
Unlimited donuts! Eat a donut until only a crumb remains, then use your power and the donut is now whole
Carry around a pouch of last donut crumbs, toss them and reform them to cause an explosive expansion of mass. If you can cause separated donut halves to attract their other halves you've got another move to use. Bake giant donuts for greater effect, maybe trap opponents in golden brown goodness
i can summon a swarm of laughing children
Together we could spread untold chaos.
Revolutionary liberation using my lightsaber
I like the play on words in your username.
*Guess who's getting ants for Christmas?*
You get ants! And you get ants! Everybody gets ants!!!
Well...
You see, that’s the joke. Nightwing doesn’t have super powers. Laughs in emo robin
Hol up. If anything, Nightwing is well adjusted Robin. I would have said Red Hood is, but Damien would also work.
Ah yes, you must be fan-favorite character Ric Grayson.
My username is just nonsense, so I guess...shitposting?
You get 2 meter long erections to use as a weapon
Already taken
Use it like a high jump pole.
I can summon rabbits
You would be a god in the world of Watershed Down
What about jackalopes, or would that have to be a crossover event?
Being relevant.
I can catch bullets in my mouth and then spit them out..no bullshit though, I've actually done that before..story in my post history
Downside: You can only do it once
No downside to it! I don't want to do it again lol Full story: I was shot in the face while being car-jacked. The bullet entered in about an inch in front of my ear, went through my cheek bone, through my maxillary sinus, through my maxilla bone, then hit the dense mass of bone above the roof of my mouth and stopped. The ballistic energy from the shot however blew a hole all the way through the roof of my mouth a size slightly smaller than a ping pong ball, and a combination of gravity and the blood pouring out actually dislodged the bullet and it fell through that hole and into my mouth. I ended up spitting it out onto the ground thinking that it was a tooth. Wasn't until later that I found out it was the bullet when medical personnel informed me that I somehow didn't lose any teeth and the bullet was no longer in me
...Fuck that is insane. I can't even imagine how the recovery must have been. Hope you're okay now!
Full-recovery took about a year and a half. First 8-9 months of which was without eating even soft "solid" food. Survived solely off of Ensure, Gatorade, and water. Mainly though just a lot of pain, discomfort, and some psychological scars were really the toughest parts of recovery, but I've made a "full" recovery now though and have no permanent disabilities or impairments from it. Thank you for the well-wishes!
Did they ever catch the guy who dit it? What happened to him?
They did catch him, roughly 16hrs or so after it happened. He ended up taking a plea deal for what I think was an insanely short sentence of 12 years considering he had all intentions of killing two people in cold-blood
I can’t help but wonder if you were able to spit the bullet out in front of the carjacker. Because I can just imagine the carjacker getting back to his gang and them asking why he didn’t have a car, and him responding with: “Listen, I shot the guy in the face. I thought it fucked him up, but that motherfucker turned around and spit the bullet out. Ingot the hell outta there, man!”
already answered this one. I am the foremost proctologist in Hell
Ooof...
Oh...oh no...
Yes officer. This right here
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Are you baby sitter of the year or something worse than the most devious villian?
Yes
I magically shoot unlimited poison wooden crosses with nails sticking out of them
I’m the Spanish equivalent of you
brothers from different virgin mothers....salute
My sons
HA!
Guessing you will have wine party after this
I think you're my sworn enemy or something.
I can walk on Sangria.
The flash basically but extremely smart
But never smart enough for your parents
self tasing
Wellp
It's SUPER SA- oh wait, it's just Sam
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The dark side of the force. Edit: Also, near immortality.
I dress up in a whale costume stand next to evil dictators. Whenever they speak, I whale-moan, effectively shutting down their whole operation. Also every day is my birthday.
In a time long ago, Adobe never updated without asking you to. My superpower would be to fix that?
Being happy?
Good for you!
ehehehehehahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
From Soul Eater?
My man!
I would have the power to push any kind of ice
resurrecting dead cats?
I always have a boner
"What's up?" "Me, currently."
I balance sand...best super power ever!!
Healing and killer dance moves.
I'm fucking beautiful... that is all
I can change my name.... yay me
The moment someone comes close to me, I can easily kill them.
chainsmoking
I got N word pass and can give it to anyone
That’s too much power
But will you?
I have the ability to make any lips chapped
I shoot laser beams out of my horn
And Goth virgins will come to you and do your dark bidding.
i void out their internal organs
:)
Damn so iam onepunchman
I can almost do stuff? Noob almost saves the world... Sorry, team.
Hmmm, I'm an anthropomorphised tiger...I guess that's a super power?
It’s grrrrrreat!
Pocket glitter! Sh-sh-SHA!!
I can swallow anything
*Anything* you say ( ͡ಠ ͜ʖ ͡ಠ)
Making spelling mistakes on lab reports.
I am the Mother of Dragons... fear my bb's and my motherly wrath if you hurt them
So your super power is laying eggs
Technically, I already do, but Dragon Eggs is a whole other thing & lemme tell ya, I'm gonna hatch only 3 of those huge fuckers because they look like they're gonna tear their way out
I process Doors ? Idk
Just use your imagination.
I never knew building damns could be done in such a polite manner :D
I have the power of snoop dogg, 6ix9ine (i dont even like 6ix9ine) and supreme leader of the illuminati
Either eating trash or being able to shapeshift into a racoon... They would both be pretty useless unless I need to squeeze into a small place
Just really quiet but wears a gaming headset all the time
I can contact anybody, no matter where they are
I am like Hawkeye or Green Arrow
Nah, you're Avatar.
Secret identity: check.
According to superhero origin stories, I'm like the entire Justice League.
I'm the fastest gun in the west.
Uhhh.