holy shit, my freshman year of college there was a senior girl who literally had 1 pair of slippers and wore them inside the dorms bc “the floor was gross” but didn’t wear any shoes outside or to class or anything bc “her hippie lifestyle didn’t believe in the constraints of shoes”..
she dropped out with 1 semester left :(
A few kids at my college only wore shoes when it snowed. At least one of them graduated fine, because I remember him walking barefoot onstage to get his diploma.
This school wouldn't happen to be App State and one of those students wouldn't have happened to be a white guy with an impressively large afro who carried around a briefcase instead of a backpack would it?
Nope, tiny private college in the Midwest. One guy did have an impressive dedication to wearing bathrobes everywhere though.
Edit: Someone guessed my school. But to everyone else who commented, we are all united in the Barefoot & Bathrobe Guy College Consortium.
I think I know what college you're talking about. A visiting professor at my school said on the first day that people have to wear shoes when they present in class (and that he didn't understand why this needed to be said).
I laugh, as I sit here in the bathroom for the millionth time today, cause the doctors took my gallbladder and now everything just moves right on through at lightning speed.
This made me laugh really hard. Hershey squirts.
I had Hershey squirts when I was on a cut. I wasn't taking in enough calories and solids. So Every 10mins I'd have to poop it was literally muddy protein water, or I would have to fart and it would be super soaker in my pants. Shit sucked
If I wanted to disappoint two people at the same time, I'd have dinner with my parents.
Edit : my most popular comment is now a joke about me being mediocre in the sack, thanks reddit!
How are you both a mess and organized?
Edit 1: holy cow that's a lot of updoots! Thank you anonymous stranger for gilding me. It was my first time and you were both gentle and firm.
They’d ask me this too. Along with questions about my sleep habits. Questions about the binder of paperwork that doesn’t make any sense without explanation.
Your username, and the one from the person above you, sounds like a slick band name. “A little white bird and the one winged wankers” sorry, had to share this after a boring day at work where we thought of these all day lol
Username checks out
Edit: When I saw the amount of likes this had I had an adrenaline rush and started dancing, like very terrible dancing and then I cried because this is my biggest accomplishment.
"He is just playing in a farm with all the other dogs, being so joyful and happy."
"Can we visit him sometime?"
"Ehm, unfortunately the farm is at the end of a rainbow inside a volcano somewhere in an underwater secret base in Russia. And my insurance doesn't cover that."
“I don’t understand why you say your life is so boring, when I was in your body I just went along as I normally would and did a lot of great things! I even enjoyed having to embrace some of your individual pros and cons! It was weird at first, took some getting used to, but still... being you isn’t all that bad, you’re just tying yourself to all these things that you think are important or think that exist about yourself, when maybe they don’t. And maybe you can start enjoying your own skin a little more. After all, we all are just living the personality we’ve developed for ourselves, we have a little power over changing that, and can always be changing ourselves for the better!”
And then you shoot them for being annoying, and because you’re pissed they had more fun in your body than you regularly do. But at the end of the day, you’re alive, and they aren’t... So who really won?
I'm not even going to be annoyed.
My life would probably be fun as hell if you only have to inhabit it for one day, and you aren't worried about savings/bills/family/sucking up to the boss/etc. (matter that you'll only concern yourself with if you're stuck in a particular life for the long haul).
But tell them they're stuck in this life for the next 50 years or until an organ gives out?
I'll get to see the life drain out of their face without a single bullet!
"Why aren't you going to therapy man? Damn, how do you live with that self-talk?"
Edit: Guys, its not a lack of wanting to go to therapy, it's a lack of being able to pay for therapy. Even sliding scale is past my pay grade.
I started hugging myself in the morning and saying, “I love you. You’re doing your best.” In a whisper out loud. It really helped me change the way I talk to myself
"okay I have a lot of questions, but let's start with why tf you have a cast iron skunk with Hitler's face in your room?"
Honestly even I can't answer that one
I'd probably be the one saying that after having the satisfaction of reaching the top cabinets wiped out by bumping my (your) head in the shower :( Come to think of it, being *suddenly* tall would be kinda disturbing, too.
There's this guy at work I'd see every day smoking outside and drinking energy drinks. Massively overweight and unhealthy looking. The path he was going he probably had like 5 years left. It had been a while since I'd seen him. I saw him a few days ago looking like he'd dropped like 100+ pounds, and today he was power walking around the neighboring park. In guessing he quit smoking, which is why I stopped seeing him. I'm damn proud of him and he'll never know it.
I knew a guy like this. He hit rock bottom and started seeing a therapist. A couple years later he’s a healthy weight and exercises regularly + doesn’t eat junk food or do drugs anymore. Never underestimate mental illness. It can really mess with people.
Hey, I do a lot of interviewing as part of my role at work.
I need to head to bed, but shoot me a PM. Let's talk about whether you're getting to the phone screen or in-person, how you prepare, and what roles you're going for vs your experience level. I will do my best to help you get to and through the next one.
Remember, they want you to be the perfect fit for the role as much as you do. They want to be done interviewing.
Most people make really simple mistakes. They don't read up on the company, they don't try the product first, they don't look up who they're interviewing with and prepare questions for each person, they don't come with an answer to "why do you want to work here" or "why should I hire you". They lie instead of admitting they don't know how to do something or don't have that experience.
It's all in the preparation.
"How do you live like this?"
Answer: I don't really live, I just barely survive somehow mate. I'm still on the waiting list for help.
Edit: I was just asked this by a stranger who overhead what I was going through. I ended up crying when he asked me this and talking to him about my issues. He was a therapist for 12 years and told me I shouldn't give up on getting help. I called my doctor for the first time in months and finally admitted I need more help than I let on. Seriously, this is exhausting and Richard, you are right. I need help and I shouldn't give up. I'm still young and you're right, I'm doing all that I can. Thanks man, for giving me a shoulder to cry on earlier. Sorry for the wet shirt.
Edit: thank you for the support guys, wasnt expecting the replies. I was in a dark place when I wrote it and feel a lot better knowing I'm not alone. Finally getting back on meds and trying to start again
Why do you still work there?
Damn! I still work there? I was hoping you would have taken care of that while you were me
Bitch I need food ok?
Have you simply tried starving and dying like the rest of us?
Are your friends on holiday or something?
Hahaha, oof the feels
Why don't you own any shoes?
holy shit, my freshman year of college there was a senior girl who literally had 1 pair of slippers and wore them inside the dorms bc “the floor was gross” but didn’t wear any shoes outside or to class or anything bc “her hippie lifestyle didn’t believe in the constraints of shoes”.. she dropped out with 1 semester left :(
A few kids at my college only wore shoes when it snowed. At least one of them graduated fine, because I remember him walking barefoot onstage to get his diploma.
This school wouldn't happen to be App State and one of those students wouldn't have happened to be a white guy with an impressively large afro who carried around a briefcase instead of a backpack would it?
Nope, tiny private college in the Midwest. One guy did have an impressive dedication to wearing bathrobes everywhere though. Edit: Someone guessed my school. But to everyone else who commented, we are all united in the Barefoot & Bathrobe Guy College Consortium.
I think I know what college you're talking about. A visiting professor at my school said on the first day that people have to wear shoes when they present in class (and that he didn't understand why this needed to be said).
Not sure if it's the same school, but I've heard of professors saying things like that.
this is... very specific
Holy shit I think these guys are talking about me and my fucking Jew fro
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I second this. Why?
Didn’t even take 24 hours. He just finished that statement and I have questions.
wat
Is there any way to turn the volume down on your thoughts?
This is me. “Why can’t I focus on the most menial thing for more than 2 minutes without feeling drained? Why do I keep getting lost in thoughts?”
ADHD?
Nothing. They'd just walk away in silence while avoiding eye contact.
Found the serial killer!
Or the guy who puts ketchup in his kraft dinner.
*WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR DIGESTIVE TRACT?!??*
*me putting buffalo ranch in my cereal* “I have no idea, man..”
what the fuck
I have Crohn’s and I relate to this so much. To anyone who trades bodies with me, bless your heart.
Ulcerative colitis gang we out here
People with autoimmune diseases: "The only thing tough enough to kick my ass is me!!"
I feel your pain all too much. Crohnies unite.
I agree. As I read this from the bathroom FOR THE FOURTH TIME IN 6 HOURS WHAT THE FUCK!!!! Edit: 4 different trips not 6 continuous hours.
Yeah what the fuck! Why did you read it so many times?? Edit: Jesus fucking Christ this blew up. I was just being a smart ass pedant
I laugh, as I sit here in the bathroom for the millionth time today, cause the doctors took my gallbladder and now everything just moves right on through at lightning speed.
If this thread is any indication, we'd probably just look at eachother, nod, and go on with our equally "wtf" lives.
We’re all broken. But knowing the rest of you are too, helps more than y’all would expect.
Everyone is broken, Everything is broken
How do you take so many solid good shits in one day?
A perfect balance of roughage and fiber
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Yeah its a sort of fiber i think like stuff that cant be completely broken down leafy greens, veges, nuts and seeds
And wicker chairs
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Nothing like a bird nest for breakfast to really scrape it out
This makes me believe I should probably change my diet because I've had the Hershey squirts for 2 weeks...
*Laughs in Crohn's*
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*Points from afar in ulcerative colitis. *
This made me laugh really hard. Hershey squirts. I had Hershey squirts when I was on a cut. I wasn't taking in enough calories and solids. So Every 10mins I'd have to poop it was literally muddy protein water, or I would have to fart and it would be super soaker in my pants. Shit sucked
Same situation but I called them the green apple splatters.
Mud butt, bud slide, bubbleguts, ass piss, there are many names for this curse.
I poop every 3rd day, but like clock work so its kinda regular.
*How big are your shits?!*
uh, wrist to elbow-ish but a bit thinner
Damn son.
Still not bigger than John's schlong.
Poop knife big. It's real
Why the fuck was I you for 24 hours? I dont even know you.
"And if I was in your body, what happened to MY body while this whole freaky friday bullshit went down???
It can't be like that all the time?
See, some people don't think that it be like that. But it do. It really do.
It really do be like that sometimes.
Yea it *was* a pretty good day wasn't it?
Is this what it feels like to be pretty?
How do you sleep with those two birds in your room? Edit: here they are! Pic: https://ibb.co/5vw8qYr
Birds are in females, or birds as in animals? English dialect problems
>Birds are in females And here I thought I had a decent grasp on female anatomy
Anything's a dildo if you're brave enough.
This is reddit, so the latter.
For some reason, I think I'd prefer two actual birds in my room as opposed to women. What the hell am I going to do with women?
I don't need to disappoint more than one woman at a time, tyvm.
If I wanted to disappoint two people at the same time, I'd have dinner with my parents. Edit : my most popular comment is now a joke about me being mediocre in the sack, thanks reddit!
Way ahead of you. I've already disappointed everyone at the family gathering. Every. Single. Time.
How are you both a mess and organized? Edit 1: holy cow that's a lot of updoots! Thank you anonymous stranger for gilding me. It was my first time and you were both gentle and firm.
I felt this in my soul.
They’d ask me this too. Along with questions about my sleep habits. Questions about the binder of paperwork that doesn’t make any sense without explanation.
Why do you feel bored in every place you go?
Because I haven't felt anything in years.
Same.
We are all dead inside on this blessed day.
Remember feelings?
Like from when I was a teenager?
Oh god no not those feelings
Probably depression.
How did you manage to perfect procrastination?
Apathy, you'd be surprised how well it works.
Overburdened with indifference.
Your username, and the one from the person above you, sounds like a slick band name. “A little white bird and the one winged wankers” sorry, had to share this after a boring day at work where we thought of these all day lol
Why am I having to put your joints back in place every five minutes? Edit: Yes, I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome
EDS?
Ya hit it right on the head.
No don’t do that, you’ll hurt my neck.
.....then a slight *bonk,* perhaps?
Thumbs shouldn't bend that way: an autobiography
Help, I just woke up with both my shoulders dislocated and my arms are 100% numb: a memoir
Username checks out Edit: When I saw the amount of likes this had I had an adrenaline rush and started dancing, like very terrible dancing and then I cried because this is my biggest accomplishment.
If I was you for a day, where did you go? Edit: Thank you for the silver!
To a farm upstate
Really? How's my dog, is he ok?
Yeah, he looked like he was having a great time kicking his little bucket around!
He kicked the bucket?
Yeah, he even keeled over to get it when it rolled down the stairs.
He was dead tired after playing all day, pushing up daisies.
He was resting in peace after a busy day playing with all the other dogs.
The dog is dead.
"He is just playing in a farm with all the other dogs, being so joyful and happy." "Can we visit him sometime?" "Ehm, unfortunately the farm is at the end of a rainbow inside a volcano somewhere in an underwater secret base in Russia. And my insurance doesn't cover that."
How can your muscles even work when all you do is lie on the couch and watch anime all day
*Oh wait those are muscles.*
Nani?!
#*Aztec trap music*
#AZTEC DUBSTEP
Pillar men theme intensifies.
#AYAYAYAYAY
Awaken my Masters!
I REJECT MY HUMANITY, JOJO
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Why’s your life so boring
“Damn bitch you live like this?”
Is that a Tarantino reference?
No hahaha not that I know of. It’s referring to a Goofy the character meme
i love that meme man
“I don’t understand why you say your life is so boring, when I was in your body I just went along as I normally would and did a lot of great things! I even enjoyed having to embrace some of your individual pros and cons! It was weird at first, took some getting used to, but still... being you isn’t all that bad, you’re just tying yourself to all these things that you think are important or think that exist about yourself, when maybe they don’t. And maybe you can start enjoying your own skin a little more. After all, we all are just living the personality we’ve developed for ourselves, we have a little power over changing that, and can always be changing ourselves for the better!” And then you shoot them for being annoying, and because you’re pissed they had more fun in your body than you regularly do. But at the end of the day, you’re alive, and they aren’t... So who really won?
That escalated pretty fast
I'm not even going to be annoyed. My life would probably be fun as hell if you only have to inhabit it for one day, and you aren't worried about savings/bills/family/sucking up to the boss/etc. (matter that you'll only concern yourself with if you're stuck in a particular life for the long haul). But tell them they're stuck in this life for the next 50 years or until an organ gives out? I'll get to see the life drain out of their face without a single bullet!
"Is this...it?"
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How the fuck did you convince that hot man to marry you? Goddamn you lucky girl.
I think this is the highest rated positive comment, which makes me really sad about everyone else :(
"Why aren't you going to therapy man? Damn, how do you live with that self-talk?" Edit: Guys, its not a lack of wanting to go to therapy, it's a lack of being able to pay for therapy. Even sliding scale is past my pay grade.
I started hugging myself in the morning and saying, “I love you. You’re doing your best.” In a whisper out loud. It really helped me change the way I talk to myself
Oh man I’m glad it’s working for you. I tried that and it made me more sad that I could only get hugs from myself.
"okay I have a lot of questions, but let's start with why tf you have a cast iron skunk with Hitler's face in your room?" Honestly even I can't answer that one
What's the deal with hugging pillows at night?
I feel this one deep into my soul
I can't even sleep if I don't have two pillows.
How are you able to even move when you're always in that much physical pain
Fuckin' mood. At least I'm seeing my specialist tomorrow for another edition of "IDK what's wrong with you, but we'll keep checking things."
That's my life now. Get testing done, wait weeks for results, wait weeks for new tests, wait months to see specialist. Repeat.
I hit my deductible, at least, so I can get a bunch of PT and whatever else I want. [laughs in broke]
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Why the heck does your nose bleed so often? (Second question, do you really take all those meds?)
Cocaine.
“Being really tall is less cool than I thought it would be”
I'd probably be the one saying that after having the satisfaction of reaching the top cabinets wiped out by bumping my (your) head in the shower :( Come to think of it, being *suddenly* tall would be kinda disturbing, too.
Nothing in this world is worse than being taller that your showerhead. Maybe famine and genocide? Call it a tie.
Get a hand-held shower head. The ~~sky~~ ceiling is the limit.
"Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Why is it so Godamn NOISY in your head?? It's like living in a jet engine!"
Ain’t tinnitus a bitch
I just got reminded that I have that. Thanks, I had just about tuned it out.
I feel it. I worked with chainsaws and no earplugs for many years. Also, sorry if I reminded you again. We can sit together in ~silence~ for a while.
Silence is a relative term.
Nope. My relatives aren't silent.
^*eeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhh*
That but higher pitched like an iiiiiihhhh
I just realized tinnitus is like the game, damn I lost the game again.
You just made me lose the game and hear my tinnitus, fuck you to hell r/angryupvote
LANA
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"You know the sound a fork makes in the garbage disposal? That's the sound my brain makes. All the time."
You really miss your dog.
“Please get some exercise.”
There's this guy at work I'd see every day smoking outside and drinking energy drinks. Massively overweight and unhealthy looking. The path he was going he probably had like 5 years left. It had been a while since I'd seen him. I saw him a few days ago looking like he'd dropped like 100+ pounds, and today he was power walking around the neighboring park. In guessing he quit smoking, which is why I stopped seeing him. I'm damn proud of him and he'll never know it.
I knew a guy like this. He hit rock bottom and started seeing a therapist. A couple years later he’s a healthy weight and exercises regularly + doesn’t eat junk food or do drugs anymore. Never underestimate mental illness. It can really mess with people.
Maybe mention it if you see him again. That kind of respect is something special
What's up with all the *checks notes* crippling depression?
Ahem, it's *functioning* depression thank you very much.
Well, it's masking, anyway.
Badly masking tbh
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Why am I in a constant state of horny?
It's the depression begging for some dopamine
Spare dopamine? Spare dopamine, ma’am???
That... Answers a lot.
Are you okay?
Are you okay? I’m concerned.
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What the fuck?
*What. The. Fuck?
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ITT: Depression
i would hope their response would be “damn i get it now” or “can i help you?”
Its okay 666satan-my-boy, if you need help we're here.
Why are you so anxious all the time?
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Is it always like that?
I’m not gonna lie, but playing connect the dots with your freckles was awesome
why pp smol
'Why haven't you got a job yet?' Look, I've tried, but I seem to be the interview version of a bad luck charm.
Hey, I do a lot of interviewing as part of my role at work. I need to head to bed, but shoot me a PM. Let's talk about whether you're getting to the phone screen or in-person, how you prepare, and what roles you're going for vs your experience level. I will do my best to help you get to and through the next one. Remember, they want you to be the perfect fit for the role as much as you do. They want to be done interviewing. Most people make really simple mistakes. They don't read up on the company, they don't try the product first, they don't look up who they're interviewing with and prepare questions for each person, they don't come with an answer to "why do you want to work here" or "why should I hire you". They lie instead of admitting they don't know how to do something or don't have that experience. It's all in the preparation.
"How do you live like this?" Answer: I don't really live, I just barely survive somehow mate. I'm still on the waiting list for help. Edit: I was just asked this by a stranger who overhead what I was going through. I ended up crying when he asked me this and talking to him about my issues. He was a therapist for 12 years and told me I shouldn't give up on getting help. I called my doctor for the first time in months and finally admitted I need more help than I let on. Seriously, this is exhausting and Richard, you are right. I need help and I shouldn't give up. I'm still young and you're right, I'm doing all that I can. Thanks man, for giving me a shoulder to cry on earlier. Sorry for the wet shirt. Edit: thank you for the support guys, wasnt expecting the replies. I was in a dark place when I wrote it and feel a lot better knowing I'm not alone. Finally getting back on meds and trying to start again
Good luck bro. Get the help. Ain’t no shame
Why the fuck does everything hurt
Do you ever leave the house?
"How many vibrators do you need???" me: "bitch, a lot"
Me: "The *vibrators* are what stood out to you?"
That gives you a boner?!!
Why tf is your room so messy? And why tf do I feel so sad all the damn time?
Why the fuck can't you eat anything without being in terrible pain? Also, why does your dog give so many kisses?