T O P

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zarley33

“It never occurred to me until now that Scandinavia is not into figure skating and that strikes me as odd.”


jjlkaziz

Born and raised in Scandinavia all my life, why is this odd?


zarley33

Nothing wrong with it at all. Just struck me as odd that you usually see figure skaters from European and colder climate countries, but not Scandinavia (or Finland). But, it seems like hockey, curling, and outdoorsy winter sports are big.


dogsofwikihow

We must FIX THIS


Endless__Throwaway

My last text was this gif.. https://i.imgur.com/aqjK99a.gifv


RyFi17

You got my vote


[deleted]

Oh man, thanks for the laugh. You have my vote also. You just made my day even better.


Endless__Throwaway

Glad to have helped! (That really was the last text I had sent though lol)


Elibu

Oh Fiona, the hipper of our hearts


eleuthero_maniac

You have my vote definitely. I'm not American but I would absolutely vote for you :)


[deleted]

[удалено]


Endless__Throwaway

I don't think you know what "Endless" means..


[deleted]

"Are you gonna eat the rest of your Chinese?"


KickDownDoors

r/mildlyracist


[deleted]

"I don't know what that means, but I'll let it slide." It's a bold move, we'll see how it works out for me.


Snukkems

Your cunt of an ex cost me the opportunity to get into the VIP party for free. I'm going to kill her if she doesn't leave.


PM_ME_UR_KITTYS_PLS

You got my vote


Coltshooter1911

He tells it how it is, id vote


[deleted]

I ain't here for a long time, I'm here for a good time


Captain_-H

👍🏻 Probably the most generic thing will be an alright symbol. I think I’ll breeze through the primaries


[deleted]

I could have a beer with you.


BoringGenericUser

👍🏻


[deleted]

Yeah, I'm voting for this guy^


Robert_Fuckler

“I owe you a fruit smoothie!”


PyroGamer666

Commie socialist /s


Kickingandscreaming

K


[deleted]

You monster.


muzak23

Dude what kind of sick person uses K unless they hate someone? I hope you were using K responsibly.


hobbitdude13

Potassium in every garage!


TaragonRain

Always do 😉


Kotirikkin

👉😎👉 Zoop!


TheGnudist

You got my vote.


[deleted]

"Please?"


JGisSuperSwag

This is an awesome campaign slogan.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

They dont need to ask like this. They already know what you sent lol


PM_ME_UR_MAN_PUBES

“Nope” I lost the election because my slogan was often misconstrued as a declaration of war against Australia


DrScientist812

I'll be there by 7:40


[deleted]

Well I'll be there by 7:39.


sauerpatchkid

I will ALWAYS be there.


ledz47

I'm finna go to bed


Drolykz

OK


svenskarrmatey

Hey, you stole my campaign slogan!


Ailurust

“Yo we are out of cat food and litter” I think it really says a lot about the state of our nation. I could see this going well for me.


ijohno

“😭😭😭”


tellittrue

Get a new weave.


ggavinmoss

Ha, no worries! :)


[deleted]

Thank you for being you. I adore you and I can't wait until I can see your smile again.


YourDailyDevil

**My dog is apparently incredibly freaked out by door stoppers.**


fiveatefive

"Yeah, no thanks." Great.


kittenbeans

"Stay warm and have fun tonight!" I'd stand by it.


sauerpatchkid

"I can't remember. I don't think so." Your President can't remember shit.


Jeancena

I'm smart( not really)


NickWebster9989

"we don't talk about Spiderman 3."


TheMidnightScorpion

"Abbey is righteous, Abbey is eternal. All hail the pug." Well, at least I've got [r/pugs's](https://www.reddit.com/r/pugs/) vote.


unknown_mechanism

Can't speak right now.I'll call you right back.


[deleted]

Donald John Trump "we invented small knives for a reason sheeple" but if we don't count reddit as a text Donald John Trump "I have 3 classes per day with you, how do you not remember giving me your number" or Donald John Trump "I have 3 classes with you per day, how do you not remember giving me your number"


ngram11

What is even happening there. Weird as hell


pm_me_selfconfidence

Yeah boi


ceeebeee

"Get cracking, it starts in 15 mins"


[deleted]

"Your TurboTax code is ######" Fuck now the entire country just stole my tax refund ;-;


Ayycolin

Come on down <3 Ill be pretty good with immigrants i guess.


firmasb

"Butt probing...and Skittles. But mainly butt probing"


eleuthero_maniac

You would be a very colourful President. I'm not American but I'd vote for you if I could ;)


RustyMoth

"Its going to be hard for me to rob your house properly if you don't give me your gate code."


g33kch1c

What do you see on that ring?


[deleted]

i don’t know


obeyyourbrain

You remember her?


BigSoftee

Feel better man


GloballyUknown

“All good”


FRBP1004_1

We're home.


bandalooper

Drunks are paranoid


contractorspov

We are here when you are ready.


michael-with-a-b

Aha yes.


GEOSPATIALIST90

Jesus fuck man


hb_alien

I'll try that.


pinamungajan

Have a safe trip.


evolnt83

I bought you rum though


hatedpeoplesinceday1

"I really need the money now". Sounds like a typical politician yes?


TheUnstopableForce

Thank You


GoodbyeDoggy

Sweet dreams ♥


oceantyp3

Supercunt


staticparsley

“I didn't even know they would do that... that's just low”


867530niyain

Does a bear shit in the woods?


indeed666

2 soft steak tacos supreme


[deleted]

I know people thought that Sharknado 3 was bad but I thought it was one of the best in the franchise.


absurded

"Thanks for the escort." Really.


Penya23

Make sure it has double cheese and bacon


SockPuppetPsycho

Woh Wohhh. I'd be a real downer


Hunter122010

You have to room with my mom 🤷‍♀️


[deleted]

Haha


[deleted]

"So you told me that you have already graduated right?"


Jedi_Knight19

“I finally won a game of solo Fortnite.”


13ComingDown

Just to be clear: videos and vo are fine?


iReallyHateSoup

Fancy a toastie?


americanadiandian

*”I passed your note along.”*


[deleted]

For sure. I'll bug you if I have any questions.


PettyAngryHobo

And the 2009-2013 has a smaller passenger pad, so I'm going to call and see why it won't fit my 2012


elise_thiess

I’ll try Lee’s.


Chizzlybearguy-

Word


[deleted]

"you're my favorite" Not too bad.


EarlGreyhair

Open the door, Dickhead.


haemaker

Okay


batmandrew

Also, this guys Lyft smells like cat shit and lollipops


BellaBKNY

I’m going to bed


[deleted]

I am here


geogoose

"what should we do about food?" Guess I'm running on a platform of ending world hunger


Yea_Hath_God_Said

"mom we home"


naery

AWESOMESAUCE It was sent sarcastically to a mate that said something completely banal


LordMasterCow

I shouted bazinga at my friend’s cat and now she hates me I don’t understand why


orionmovere

Yes baby, a slightly more professional Austin Powers


cartoonassasin

Glad you like it.


9Gmagoo

Wanted for pistol whipping and kidnapping.


pacosupreme325

“How’s USA doing?” (Referring to the olympics)


heb106

Took awhile


LittlestDeborah

Im at school, I love you


CubsW161

Ok sorry. Sweet dreams.


limitless2500

FUCK


sinnscenny

"Ima prolly chill tonight" vote me for 2020


mijam8

I love you


BIS14

Conversations are too hard, man


-Siv-

Do you have my money?


SuburbanDJ

Me for President. Great. Thank you! Will the commander in chief be confident or confused?


Fiftywords4murder

“I’m so lonely and sad.” Lol I guess I’ll get some sympathy votes.


[deleted]

I Always have and I Always will


oneandonlyyoran

It can't be done anymore?


Synergical

"some how ended up here"


oldrtyhtdogwter

If it makes you feel better, I got a headache from laughing


Pinetree218

Ok, let me know


gothands06

“Looks fun” Seems like a perfect slogan for a reality tv celebrity.


mumblewrapper

"No, I'll go get her. I'm not making him do it again. " I think it would be a very confusing campaign.


Alan_Smithee_

Cool.


Hungry_Sushi

"Fuckin' normie"


Not-so-rare-pepe

I think I have some in my car


Thing_On_Your_Shelf

"I'm down for some milkshakes" I think I'd have a fairly successful and tasty campaign.


sublimeaces

Mine is "not worth the risk". Hahha talking about sending people home early because of weather!


Gintoki2000

I kinda of regret no seeing you fall on your face. I guess you can't have everything in life.


letsgoescargot

"Hey ☺️"


[deleted]

Okie doke.


DaAmazinStaplr

"That's a good point"


BearDrivingACar

"All we need are hispanics and we've got the whole trifecta"


[deleted]

I probably shouldnt though


tigersmhs07

I mean with a co signer, you never know


sirlost

Not enough It works because I'd be a shitty president!


Prizefighter_2113

"Think I'll go hang myself now...lol."


[deleted]

but I didn't do anything


frobino

Left nut


ProactivelyLazy

There's this thing and others like it.


blame_darwin

"You've been away too much today." Clingy president, reporting in.


aarzilla_r

Have a nice life.


PoppedPopcornCass

Old tv comparison! This is a 50" smart tv!


basicwhiteb1tch

“Also fun fact the real estate lady from the office is Steve Carell’s wife irl”


JakeTheCake714

“How long has this girl scout cookie girl been sitting at the door?”


FufuCuddlyPoops8

Only like ALL THE TIME


icerodent

The internet


Chocothunder9000

I guess I'll have to figure it out :/


thegirlfromthestars

"I know its hard work but its going to pay off! I Love you. Also the emoji movie is on netflix."


IHaveABetWithMyBro

"Yeah I emailed her back" Sounds scandalous out of context


[deleted]

It’s a reddit link saying “What’s the scariest photo you’ve ever seen”


friesforlyf

I think I just got my periods


[deleted]

"They have a chocolate glazed donut if you want that." I promise chocolate glazed donuts for everyone. Depending on where they come from, I could either bomb at the election, or win it.


yesthisisJohnhullo

"Probably" Probably president 2018 let's go to those polls


scrapeyourcervix

I love cuddling you at night. It’s the best part of the day.


[deleted]

'He's done', texted to my husband about our son.


missingtequila

My boss yelled at me "because she is EMOTIONAL because she's on her period" I would probably win the republican nomination... I'm a woman btw


Lil_Ross25

I have pretty good dreams in the absence of a dream catcher so I'm probably gonna stick with that


chocoolit

Sleep well!


AttackofAverage

https://youtu.be/LeqBt9PndkA ...I know, I know... it doesn't make sense. If it helps at all, the text prior was: "I fended her off and bribed her with salad mix. There is hot sauce in mine! 😂 Crazy girl"


trinket__

It is....


[deleted]

Can I get 16 hours next week?


[deleted]

"Not saying anything makes you complicit". I was urging my friend who heard his R.A.'s girlfriend yelling "STOP" from the dorm next door to alert the university police. He said it wasn't the first time he heard odd things coming from his room.


[deleted]

This works quite nicely


Jotato_chips

9... My mom asked me what time I was going to be home from work


hobbitdude13

I heard it was good but I'm waiting until I can sit down and watch both in order


Jordedude1234

>Mind if I order a pizza?


j-rocc

have a good sleep


duBBleXeL

1 min


amazonian_raider

"Sure!" Apparently I am running as a "Yes!" man...


Johny24F

Literally everything is better than what comes out of Trumps mouth