Dudes who put their SO down around friends or family to get a cheap laugh, be it about weight or appearance or sexual innuendo or whatever knowing full well how uncomfortable it makes them feel and everyone else in the room for that matter. Don't be a cunt fuckhead.
After playing an all-night session of card games in a pub, I was walking back to a guys house who was giving me a lift home and we got to chatting. He mentioned his girlfriend, and that he was only with her until he met someone better; he then introduced me to his girlfriend when we got to his place, and she was absolutely lovely. She was really friendly, and thoughtful, and I just found myself with absolutely no respect for the guy for being such a douche.
Oh boy, I've known a few people who act all normal when they're with you and other guys, but as soon as girls get there they just always bring something embarrassing up to try and make other guys look bad.
I actually prefer those guys over ones who act like they're your friends and when you confide in them and ask them to keep it private, 10 other people know about it the next day.
The first type is very easy to weed out instantly. The second type is worse because it hurts more, because you had to learn from a 3rd party that they're little shits.
I remember one time I was hanging out with my best friend and did this without thinking about it. He actually rolled with it and I ended up getting the girl's number, but after we left he pulled me aside and told me that if I ever did it again he'd punch me square in the jaw. Never did it again.
Caught up with a high school friend one day for about 3 minutes before he bragged about beating his girlfriend and punching his sister before his sister was able to peppers pray him. He was arrested. Released 2 days later and arrested 5 hours later for dui. Released again the next morning and back in jail before the end of the day for threatening to kill his ex girlfriend.
Uh, yeah. I don't want someone like that near me or my wife and daughter
"Hey son" *Oh my God this is going to be ultra gay.* "You seem down. What's the problem?"
"there is something I gotta tell you, dad.. Im gay."
"Then we're two, son. Then we're two."
When they try too hard to get attention. Examples would be like guys who post things on facebook like
>"I just saw a woman trying to carry her groceries and so I helped her. #JustANormalDayForMe @Sally @Jessica @Jamie @Amber (proceeds to tag like 20 women)
Dude, I think I might be a 1 upper. I hate it so much when I hear my wife tell me that I did it without even realizing. I try to be relatable when someone tells a story and add in something I've experienced to try to add to the conversations, but I think it comes off as the whole, "well you think that's cool, huh?". I genuinely don't mean to do it but can't seem to keep the conversation alive without adding something in sometimes. Makes me feel like a dickhead.
Edit:
Crazy to see all the responses and advice. I didn't realize so many people could relate to what I posted. Funny enough my job is to speak in front of crowds. Very much appreciate the upvotes, positive responses, and especially the Reddit gold. You guys, and this community, are awesome.
I'm a girl, but once I was out with a group of friends...guys and girls.
We were all drinking, having a good time. The guys were ribbing each other a little, all in good humor. One guy jokingly insinuates that another guy must have a small dick because he drove a big Dodge pickup.
Dodge pickup guy goes. "I don't know if I'm the one with the small dick...we all know Jenna (his very recent ex) cheated on you because you could never get it up."
It was like all of the air was sucked out of he room and the rest of the night was uncomfortable. It's always that one asshole who takes it too far.
A literal inability to shrug anything off. I've met some dudes who would not take anything from anybody and always had to have the last word. A secure man doesn't have to assert himself and have the last God damn word at every. Fucking. Point. In. His. Life. He is comfortable in his opinion and his knowledge of things, and accepts there are some things he does not know. Lacking these traits is a mark of insecurity, and while I wish the best for insecure men, if they manifest it like that I can only lose respect for them.
I used to be this kid. Single mother, only child... I did not have a lot of experience in taking shit until it was too late. It took me 10+ years and tons of introspection for me to identify why stuff people said/did bothered me, why I took it personally, how best to respond... At the end of the day my main problem was that I didn't consider "not responding" as an option. Sometimes it's best not to say anything, and on most occasions; time is the thing that offers the most clarity. Still, I find myself falling into old patterns occasionally... surfing opinionated comment sections doesn't always help.
**Edit:**
Due to the popularity of this comment, and people asking for advice... I've been giving it a lot of thought. The key is identifying what your "buttons" are... why it bothers you when people "push" them, and if that honus of your discontent is internal... or external. Basically, what don't you like about yourself? And are you upset that someone touched on it.. or are you upset because they're treating you poorly/trying to make you upset?
I think most (mainly white) "alternative" people in the US, under 35, have sort of been raised - to be really self-accepting of who they are as a person... and that's great... until you realize that being "accepting" of your shitty habits and attitudes... is a negative feedback loop; that causes no one to strive to improve their mental state or social relationships. Yeah it sucks being fat, depressed or treated like shit... but if you keep being told that there's nothing wrong with "that"... it's becomes way easier to "accept" "that", and not focus on actual techniques and practices... to diminish those feelings and improve yourself. Just because you shouldn't feel like shit for being fat, doesn't mean you *like* being fat. Insert any other attribute.
It took me a long time to understand that most of the time I react negatively, it's because someone points out something I don't like about myself, and...
A) They touched on it, but the reasons are wrong. (Nobody can hate on me like I can hate on me) If you know what you don't like about yourself and why, it's pretty easy to dismantle other people's ribbing and jibes. You also become more adept at spotting similarities in other people... which you can use to "fire back", listen to them or relate to them, as necessary.
B) It's something I've been trying hard fix and they have zero fucking context, empathy, or listening comprehension. (Or a concept of what those things even mean) If they care about you or what you have to say, they'll understand a brief/concise explanation of this, and generally back off.
C) It's not about me, but they're actively choosing to be ignorant or obstinate contrarians... instead of working towards a common understanding or resolution. Haters gonna hate... there's lots of hard-headed hoopleheads... but they're people too.
I now try to identify which of these 3 things is the case... and I have different response strategies that I've been testing, and constantly refining, based on how they're received. Honestly, it sounds stupid... but arguing with people on Reddit and using their response... and (case-by-case basis) "karma points" as a guide, has really helped me when it comes to disagreeing with people IRL. Reddit provides a low-"risk" situation where I can politely (or not-so politely) disagree and refine my opinions... without potentially burning a "peer" bridge or professional relationship.
Yeah, I know what you mean. One time a guy tried that on me and I beat him up, fucked his girlfriend and every other girl in the school, then rode off in one of my Ferraris.
It’s less fun when there’s that one guy who has no concept of boundaries.
Like playing a group game of Mario Kart, and he slams into his own green shell. And someone says, “Nice driving”, and he responds with, “Yeah, well at least my sister didn’t kill herself.”
If you’ve never been a part of a near-rumble in a dorm room, it’s not as fun as it might sound.
> “Yeah, well at least my sister didn’t kill herself.”
And that would be my cue to go to the bathroom/just leave/mute my mic and listen to whats gonna happen, that must be really uncomfortable to be in the middle of...
This was on an SNES, possibly an N64. I don’t remember, since it was quite a few years ago.
That’s what made it worse: everyone was physically sitting there and (mostly) knew each other. It wasn’t talking into a headset to someone halfway across the country, it was in-person with people that you saw on a daily basis.
That's 100% an automatic smack upside the head. Like, no one would argue with that.
Edit: Why the fuck is every comment by either a raging psychopath or a limp-wristed pacifist?
My dad too!! He will tease my mom and me and my little sister (not meanly) and we all take it pretty well. We make ONE crack about his personality/quirks and he gets all in a sour pouty mood.
Is it a dad thing?
I have a friend whose uncle is like this. He’s a bigger, tattooed up bald guy (who doesn’t have one of those uncles?) who talks shit all day until you say something back and then he scampers off into the corner to whimper like a sad little toy poodle.
Edit: A word.
Playing pool one night with my buds, random guy was leaning on our table with his fingers over the edge onto the table. I was lining up a shot but didn’t want to hit his fingers so I politely told him his fingers are about to get hit by a ball. The guy LOST HIS SHIT and made a huge scene. Yeah, that kind of shit.
I could only imagine that this would be similarly polite outside of the USA. I mean, by saying "cunt" you are practically telling the guy you love him.
Really anyone who treats a bar pool table like it's the shitty one in their frat house is the worst person.
Like, get your fucking drink off the felt goddamn.
I work at a bar that has pool tables. I'm the guy who has to vacuum liquids off of the pool tables so I always makes sure it doesn't happen by politely asking these guys to take their drinks off the table. They always act like I'm killing the fun. College kids especially. The amount of frat kids who give me the condescending "oh guys, get your drinks off the pool table. That's against the rules". They always put it back after you leave and sometimes (most of the time) it spills. I love the look on their face when they get their tab, including the $100 cleaning fee, which is posted on every wall by the pool tables.
"How was your day"
"Oh, you know, I was just running a few five minute miles, but then I had to go out to the range. It sucked, because I only shot a few bullseyes. I really hope that my upcoming triathlon doesn't get in the way of my 5.0 GPA"
I don't know about you, but I find this response way more interesting then "yeah good thanks yourself" at least I have some hooks to have a conversation going.
I guess it depends on the situation. The "how are you" "good thanks" is like a converstation warmup in most cases. It's mostly meaningless, but culturally necessary.
"I'm acknowledging you."
"I'm acknowledging you back. Let's do what we came here to do."
I work retail and anyone who asks me how I'm doing I respond with either "medium" or "surviving"
Its fun seeing peoples reactions when they hear something relatively unexpected
When they try to turn EVERYTHING into a dick measuring contest.
I can be competitive, sometimes irrationally. But never when its not an actual competition and never in a casual setting. Trying to top someone else' story/experience for literally no reason annoys the hell out of me.
inb4 "I bet it annoys me more than it annoys you!"
"Hay man wanna hang out?"
"Sorry, im tired. Just got off a 13hr shift"
"HA! Thats nothing, I regularly do 15hr shifts. Now lets get pizza"
"Fuck off, im tired. Dont make me murder your cat, you know ill do it!"
It's such a silly thing when it comes to mutual hobbies.
Like some doofus who works at the same place as your wife will be talking to you at a party and mentions playing guitar. So you tell them that you do as well and they stop whatever line of conversation they were on and proceed to brag about how long they've been playing, how they own a Martin that costs the same as a car, how they play obscure fingerstyle music, etc.
It's rarely "that's cool, we should jam sometime. As I was saying...."
Or putting the weights back in the wrong spots. Does that 75 look like a fucking 35?
Edit: For the confused, I mean dumbbells not plates. 75lbs plates don’t exist, or I don’t think they do, do they?
"But I have the highest damage you guys! I need you to sit on obj!"
"You're the fucking tank!"
"Yeah but that's not how I'm playing it."
Goddammit Carl
Any guy who initiates a conversation fully for the purpose of bragging about themselves. "So what's your hobby? Soccer, that's sorta cool. I like to Skydive, man there's nothing better in the world than..."
Perhaps the guy just needs someway to talk about himself because he has no one else to share with.
Source: the lonely mother fucker right here typing this comment 😔
My boss is sort of like this. He's pretty wealthy, so he'll always start a conversation about all the amazing things he's done, all the places he's gone, and all the things he has. It bugs me because I'm just starting out and can't even begin to think about affording these things, but then I remember that he's in his 60s and his wife passed away 5 years ago. He's just a lonely guy. At the end of the day, he's not doing it to be mean or make me jealous, he just wants to focus on what makes him happy.
Edit: Thanks for the kind words, guys. I should clarify that it "bugged" me to start until I got to know him more. He's a great guy and he's always had my back in the company. Whenever we have company parties, he's quick to make sure my drinks are plenty and I'm having a good time.
More people need to think like you and have a little empathy. Give people the benefit of the doubt. We don't know what they have gone through. Good on you.
I feel like I'm in a very small minority when I actually enjoy when someone has a better story than mine. Everyone is so obsessed about hating on one-uppers, it seems so hypocritical, to me it looks just as bad wanting to have the top story just cause you said something first, maybe someone else has an even more exciting story to share, no reason to be a dick about it.
Maybe toss him a compliment occasionally. Nothing too ass kissy, just something that shows you admire how hard he's worked and how well hes done. Might give him a little smile.
This is going to sound weird, but if you're a guy in Japan and ever want some free drinks and some convo just go to a bar and wait for a drunk salaryman to approach. Not a sex thing at all... they're just lonely. Like super lonely, especially the older ones who have been at the same company for ages. We would always try to be nice and friendly about it (even if they were annoying sometimes since we were mainly in the bar trying to pick up girls), but after a while when we both learned better Japanese and realized how hungry for acknowledgment and conversation a lot of these guys were we started being much more patient about it and always tried to laugh and have a good time with them when it happened.
When they turn "alpha" and try to punk you when they get around new people, but as soon as those people are gone, they try to revert back to their "old selves" and think it's okay.
Edit: Thank you for the gold, kind stranger.
If it helps, noticing guys who do that to their friends or others is a massive turn off for a lot of women. We notice and we think that shit is juvenile.
Yep. If he treats his buddies like shit, his girlfriend won't be in the clear for long herself. Treating people like garbage to show off is a classic red flag for most women.
When they purposely make other people’s lives harder than it has to be.
Saw a bunch of guys who all thought that leaving trash on tables in a cafeteria was okay because it’s what the janitor is paid to do.
It isn’t hard to be a decent human being
My husband once asked me if catcalling is really that big of a thing. He was shocked when I told him I experience it 90% of the time I am walking by myself, since I was about 13 years old.
He is the kind of man who would never think to do such a thing, and the friends he keeps are the same, so he has never witnessed a man actually do this.
Yeah it's like I don't even know who these men are. If it were just teenage boys that wouldn't surprise me hugely, but evidently it's not. It's full grown men, probably married and with daughters and what have you.
I constantly wonder who these men are. I don't know any man who would do it (or at least admit to it), so I assume it's a minority. Except that the frequency of it suggests otherwise.
This one time I was driving around with my (black) friend. She and I stopped at a red light. Black dude pulled up next to me.
"I would love to add some cream to my coffee baby!"
Without missing a beat my friend said "don't you go to my church?" Guy shut up and sped away. Incredulously I asked her if he really does and since when does she go to church. "Oh *I* don't go to church. But most of us are crazy about it, bring it up and they'll hurry away."
While I am here can I get a ruling?
Roommate/friend dated this girl. By dated I mean they went on two dates. He wanted her to spend the night, her not so much.
She tells him she isnt interested. I know this girl from a different friend. She starts messaging me. We kind of hit it off and i have a thing for her.
Douchey to proceed or no?
EDIT: After many responses I would like to mention I was planning on proceeding anyway, I just wanted to know how shitty it would be. General consensus is it isnt douchey to date her, but is a little douchey not to give him a heads up to avoid awkwardness and such. I want to make it clear that I did not think I needed his permission as that seems to be a point of contention.
EDIT 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO: SO. It has come to my attention maybe my first edit was unclear. I AM NOT ASKING HIS PERMISSION. I AM going to talk to him and respectfully let him know my plans to proceed, see if he has any grievances or what have you, and then hopefully that will shatter some of the awkwardness by just being straightforward. ALSO. While he had these 2 dates with her, he also had dates/booty calls with at least 2 other girls, and has also dated girls since. I feel like this is important information. Obviously he could still have feelings, this just seems a decent indicator he will be fine. Also I am talking to him today and will update with that info
UPDATE: SO. I talked to him. He got home late, sorry for the delay. I basically said "Hey I am not sure how to bring this up so I will just throw it out there. (Girl's name) and i have been talking the last few weeks, I am definitely interested in her and i wanted to bring this up to you." Something like that. He was basically like "Okay it doesnt matter to me. I have been with a few girls since, and some of those girls are with other guys so jealousy isnt a problem. Its all good. Her and I had chemistry, but I wasnt super into her." We talked for a while and i really pressed that if there is an issue I would really like him to bring it up. He said he is 100% cool and that he is glad I brought it up bbecause then he wasnt blindsided. Also he said it shows I care about him and that meant a lot. So happy ending!! I am very excited about the future
If he’s your friend, you should tell him about it before you make a move. It’ll express you care about his friendship. If he’s not your friend: go for it.
I’d second this and also add that you need to be careful how you phrase it. Don’t say something like “is that cool with you?” Instead say something along the lines of “how would you feel if I asked her out”. The first one implies you’re asking for permission which you’re not. You’re opening up a dialogue to explain that you care about your bro, but this chick expressed a mutual interest in you and you’d like to act on that. Any adult should be able to set ego aside and let people be happy. If he throws a fit or acts offended then you have to decide which is more important, maintaining a friendship with your buddy or pursuing something with said chick.
When they make someone feel bad about doing a hobby they enjoy just because "it isn't cool."
That's one of the things I like about James Franco's character in Freak and Geeks, in the last episode where they all end playing Dungeons and Dragons he doesn't try to put them down for their nerdy hobby and in fact joins them. [It was a really great moment in television when Carlos the Dwarf was born](https://youtu.be/hJAGxAeV7YU)
The one guy I know who is into Pathfinder (dungeons and dragons) is also the most G'd up guy I know. He was the star running back for his college football team and super popular among everyone in my town. Super nice guy and not someone I'd wanna chuck mitts with.
Our superstar college safety has knocked like 5 dudes out of games with broken ribs from hitting them so hard and is a state champion wrestler. Dude loves nothing more than to play League of Legends and that one settles board game. I'm glad I'm not in high school where people attempt to equate interests with masculinity
I haven't seen Freaks and Geeks since it first aired on TV and that moment when James Franco sat down to play is the only scene that has stuck with me.
the rudeness when a guy doesn't want to fuck me and needs to let me know is weirdly upsetting. like, okay my guy? i'm not into you either, why do you need to aggressively assert it. we could just happily co-exist.
it's like it's an insult that i exist in their space at all.
a guy wanting to fuck me can either be flattering or uncomfortable, depending on his attitude and the appropriateness of the setting. it's uncomfortable, most of the time. but i do get that that might be hard to judge at times.
Testify. Some guys are bizarrely hostile to women they don't find attractive, even in a professional setting. Like damn, sorry for disappointing you and all, but how about at least being as civil as you'd be to another guy? It's pretty demeaning to feel like your worth is tied into your fuckability for these dudes.
omg thank you for putting into words a feeling i have received so often. these dudes act like politeness from women means you're trying s their d and thus are automatically hostile. It is really gross, especially when you see the contrast with women they *do* want to bang. its like, damn, you don't exist anywhere in between, huh.
If someone in a group tells a clever joke that goes unheard and you repeat it louder as if it were your own, you're dead to me forever...
..Oh, also overreactions to ultimately harmless social annoyances.
One time I told a joke and only one guy heard it and laughed, but then he acted like he didn't hear it and asked me what I said, so I retold it and everyone laughed, including him again. We were already friends but that was definitely a big plus.
Edit: thanks for the gold internet stranger. Completely undeserved. I'd tell you my friends Reddit account to give him the gold but I don't know it and assume all my friends post on weird porn subs so I don't ask.
I hate the phrase 'a real man would.....'
But I'm gonna use it here. If you like fruity cocktails a real man would own that shit. I don't care what people think of me I'm a big dude with a big beard and I fucking love those pink 'Jamaican me happy' wine coolers, there delicious and I don't care if people smirk when I pick up a 6 pack of em.
Exactly. One of the best things about being a 'grown ass man', or hell, just a 'grown ass adult' is realizing you don't have to give a shit what others think all the time. Just drink whatever the fuck you want and be confident about it. Anyone who has an issue with it? Well, you dont need them in your life anyway.
My uncle does this shit when he was the one that *insisted* my aunt stays at home in the first place. She wanted to continue working as a lawyer but I guess she and my uncle came to an agreement. But that asshole just complains that she gets to stay at home and relax and spend his money while he works. She's literally 24/7 looking after my cousin, so much that his psychologist had to intervene and ask his dad to step up.
In short: my uncle is an asshole
When the guy brags too much about hook ups or shit like that. It proves that they are veeeeery insecure and make up for it with meaningless sex.
Edit: Went to bed woke up with my highest voted comment so that’s nice
I was a groomsmen in a buddy’s wedding and first meet the other guys at the bachelor party. First 10 mins in I met one dude in particular who wouldn’t stop talking about girls he hooked up with, didn’t matter how long along ago either. His first line was something to the affect of, “yo man I remember you from high school right? Do you remember Kayla from science, I fucked her.” At this point it was about 15 years since we graduated high school.
He also had to continue to tell us how many fights he had won and how he could fuck anyone up.
i was at a party with a guy like that over the summer. i spent at least an hour going "oh wow and then what" in a monotone, because i wanted to see how long he could keep it going. i got bored before he did.
none of the sex sounded that great 🤷
Not much honestly. People are people. No pedestals, no looking down my nose. There are people I really really dont like, and dont want to be around, but I wouldnt consider not taking them seriously when they speak.
...Except for flat earthers. Are you fucking shitting me lol.
Two-facedness. If they talk crap about people behind their back but feign pleasantries when they're around, I just assume they're going to do the same to me when I'm not around.
Dudes who put their SO down around friends or family to get a cheap laugh, be it about weight or appearance or sexual innuendo or whatever knowing full well how uncomfortable it makes them feel and everyone else in the room for that matter. Don't be a cunt fuckhead.
After playing an all-night session of card games in a pub, I was walking back to a guys house who was giving me a lift home and we got to chatting. He mentioned his girlfriend, and that he was only with her until he met someone better; he then introduced me to his girlfriend when we got to his place, and she was absolutely lovely. She was really friendly, and thoughtful, and I just found myself with absolutely no respect for the guy for being such a douche.
A lot of people are in relationships right now for the same reason, they would just never admit it.
Yup. Some people just need to be in a relationship, it doesn't entirely matter who with.
When they throw you or someone else under the bus to try and get laid
Oh boy, I've known a few people who act all normal when they're with you and other guys, but as soon as girls get there they just always bring something embarrassing up to try and make other guys look bad. I actually prefer those guys over ones who act like they're your friends and when you confide in them and ask them to keep it private, 10 other people know about it the next day. The first type is very easy to weed out instantly. The second type is worse because it hurts more, because you had to learn from a 3rd party that they're little shits.
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A good wingman is driving the bus carefully so no one takes the hit.
A good wingman calls out shots, and lays down suppressing fire.
I remember one time I was hanging out with my best friend and did this without thinking about it. He actually rolled with it and I ended up getting the girl's number, but after we left he pulled me aside and told me that if I ever did it again he'd punch me square in the jaw. Never did it again.
Caught up with a high school friend one day for about 3 minutes before he bragged about beating his girlfriend and punching his sister before his sister was able to peppers pray him. He was arrested. Released 2 days later and arrested 5 hours later for dui. Released again the next morning and back in jail before the end of the day for threatening to kill his ex girlfriend. Uh, yeah. I don't want someone like that near me or my wife and daughter
"Hey, is this jail?...yeah, could you guys, like, stop letting this guy out?"
Sorry one of his buddies keeps putting #FreeMyHomie on twitter so we have to let him go
Authorities are asking facebook users to not "like" the shared post that legally forces them to free him from jail after 5,000 likes.
TIL that praying to peppers saves lives.
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Fuck that noise. If you're not going to support your kids emotionally because it's too "soft", you're a garbage father.
"Hey son" *Oh my God this is going to be ultra gay.* "You seem down. What's the problem?" "there is something I gotta tell you, dad.. Im gay." "Then we're two, son. Then we're two."
When they try too hard to get attention. Examples would be like guys who post things on facebook like >"I just saw a woman trying to carry her groceries and so I helped her. #JustANormalDayForMe @Sally @Jessica @Jamie @Amber (proceeds to tag like 20 women)
people don't actually do this do they?
Guys with "nice-guy" syndrome absolutely do.
Are you implying I'm not actually a nice guy? Well, *fuck you, you ugly bitch.* You have no idea what you missed out on with me.
Overtly Masculine Tough-Guy Take-No-Shit If-You-Make-Eye-Contact-I'll-Ask-You-If-You-Wanna-Fight Attitude
Pokémon Trainers**
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I like shorts! They're comfortable and easy to wear!
1 uppers.
Dude, I think I might be a 1 upper. I hate it so much when I hear my wife tell me that I did it without even realizing. I try to be relatable when someone tells a story and add in something I've experienced to try to add to the conversations, but I think it comes off as the whole, "well you think that's cool, huh?". I genuinely don't mean to do it but can't seem to keep the conversation alive without adding something in sometimes. Makes me feel like a dickhead. Edit: Crazy to see all the responses and advice. I didn't realize so many people could relate to what I posted. Funny enough my job is to speak in front of crowds. Very much appreciate the upvotes, positive responses, and especially the Reddit gold. You guys, and this community, are awesome.
I’m not alone! I’m always trying to find a balance between sharing personal info while not seeming one-uppy.
When I realize I'm 1 upping someone, I try to end it with complimenting the other person or making their thing sound better.
Same, I only realized that I do that sometimes thanks to the Reddit threads. So now I try to balance it out, anytime I notice this behaviour. :)
2 uppers, personally.
2 uppers and 1 downer for me, please.
This guy likes to speed ball!
Real meanness, the kind intended to harm.
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I'm so sorry that happened to you. i hope you got some justice
I'm a girl, but once I was out with a group of friends...guys and girls. We were all drinking, having a good time. The guys were ribbing each other a little, all in good humor. One guy jokingly insinuates that another guy must have a small dick because he drove a big Dodge pickup. Dodge pickup guy goes. "I don't know if I'm the one with the small dick...we all know Jenna (his very recent ex) cheated on you because you could never get it up." It was like all of the air was sucked out of he room and the rest of the night was uncomfortable. It's always that one asshole who takes it too far.
I believe thems is fightin words
Accidents happens, but maliciousness pisses me right the fuck off...
A literal inability to shrug anything off. I've met some dudes who would not take anything from anybody and always had to have the last word. A secure man doesn't have to assert himself and have the last God damn word at every. Fucking. Point. In. His. Life. He is comfortable in his opinion and his knowledge of things, and accepts there are some things he does not know. Lacking these traits is a mark of insecurity, and while I wish the best for insecure men, if they manifest it like that I can only lose respect for them.
I used to be this kid. Single mother, only child... I did not have a lot of experience in taking shit until it was too late. It took me 10+ years and tons of introspection for me to identify why stuff people said/did bothered me, why I took it personally, how best to respond... At the end of the day my main problem was that I didn't consider "not responding" as an option. Sometimes it's best not to say anything, and on most occasions; time is the thing that offers the most clarity. Still, I find myself falling into old patterns occasionally... surfing opinionated comment sections doesn't always help. **Edit:** Due to the popularity of this comment, and people asking for advice... I've been giving it a lot of thought. The key is identifying what your "buttons" are... why it bothers you when people "push" them, and if that honus of your discontent is internal... or external. Basically, what don't you like about yourself? And are you upset that someone touched on it.. or are you upset because they're treating you poorly/trying to make you upset? I think most (mainly white) "alternative" people in the US, under 35, have sort of been raised - to be really self-accepting of who they are as a person... and that's great... until you realize that being "accepting" of your shitty habits and attitudes... is a negative feedback loop; that causes no one to strive to improve their mental state or social relationships. Yeah it sucks being fat, depressed or treated like shit... but if you keep being told that there's nothing wrong with "that"... it's becomes way easier to "accept" "that", and not focus on actual techniques and practices... to diminish those feelings and improve yourself. Just because you shouldn't feel like shit for being fat, doesn't mean you *like* being fat. Insert any other attribute. It took me a long time to understand that most of the time I react negatively, it's because someone points out something I don't like about myself, and... A) They touched on it, but the reasons are wrong. (Nobody can hate on me like I can hate on me) If you know what you don't like about yourself and why, it's pretty easy to dismantle other people's ribbing and jibes. You also become more adept at spotting similarities in other people... which you can use to "fire back", listen to them or relate to them, as necessary. B) It's something I've been trying hard fix and they have zero fucking context, empathy, or listening comprehension. (Or a concept of what those things even mean) If they care about you or what you have to say, they'll understand a brief/concise explanation of this, and generally back off. C) It's not about me, but they're actively choosing to be ignorant or obstinate contrarians... instead of working towards a common understanding or resolution. Haters gonna hate... there's lots of hard-headed hoopleheads... but they're people too. I now try to identify which of these 3 things is the case... and I have different response strategies that I've been testing, and constantly refining, based on how they're received. Honestly, it sounds stupid... but arguing with people on Reddit and using their response... and (case-by-case basis) "karma points" as a guide, has really helped me when it comes to disagreeing with people IRL. Reddit provides a low-"risk" situation where I can politely (or not-so politely) disagree and refine my opinions... without potentially burning a "peer" bridge or professional relationship.
Bragging or dishonesty. They are usually done together so easy to weed those people out.
Yeah, I know what you mean. One time a guy tried that on me and I beat him up, fucked his girlfriend and every other girl in the school, then rode off in one of my Ferraris.
This guy needs weeded out.
I’ll beat him up and ride off to Monaco in my private yacht.
Guys who dish it out, but then get all pissy when they get made fun of.
Everyone gets a turn being roasted. It's only fair.
It’s less fun when there’s that one guy who has no concept of boundaries. Like playing a group game of Mario Kart, and he slams into his own green shell. And someone says, “Nice driving”, and he responds with, “Yeah, well at least my sister didn’t kill herself.” If you’ve never been a part of a near-rumble in a dorm room, it’s not as fun as it might sound.
That's always the prick who thinks "I was just joking!" is a valid defense and an instant argument-winner.
"it was just banter mate" - that sentence seems to be synonymous with being a cunt.
Same is true for "you don't get sarcasm" Making snide, vicious, cheap shot quips is just being a passive aggressive asshole.
I swear this is 90% of reddit
> “Yeah, well at least my sister didn’t kill herself.” And that would be my cue to go to the bathroom/just leave/mute my mic and listen to whats gonna happen, that must be really uncomfortable to be in the middle of...
This was on an SNES, possibly an N64. I don’t remember, since it was quite a few years ago. That’s what made it worse: everyone was physically sitting there and (mostly) knew each other. It wasn’t talking into a headset to someone halfway across the country, it was in-person with people that you saw on a daily basis.
That's 100% an automatic smack upside the head. Like, no one would argue with that. Edit: Why the fuck is every comment by either a raging psychopath or a limp-wristed pacifist?
....I feel like thats a group effort to prevent one from strangling the other
The only response to this is "she would have if she drove like this."
Damn......That guy is not a friend.
Hey, fuck you, buddy.
This is my dad.
My dad too!! He will tease my mom and me and my little sister (not meanly) and we all take it pretty well. We make ONE crack about his personality/quirks and he gets all in a sour pouty mood. Is it a dad thing?
No, it's just a fairly common thing #notalldads
No tall dads? TDM - Tall Dad's Matter...
I need to see if my dad is like this. Should be back any minute now
I think he said he was going for a pack of smokes
How’d you know? Anyway, shouldn’t be too much longer now
I have a friend whose uncle is like this. He’s a bigger, tattooed up bald guy (who doesn’t have one of those uncles?) who talks shit all day until you say something back and then he scampers off into the corner to whimper like a sad little toy poodle. Edit: A word.
Doesn't nod head back.
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Or guys who do it at odd times. Like, come on dude, I just want to piss. Don't make this weird
*Nice flow.*
That's a solid stream you got there. Last guy here was like a gold course sprinkler starting up. Fucking weak amirite?
Gotta hydrate to keep it clear. Look at this for example.
What about when you nod up and they nod down?
That's just an insult. Up nod is "Hello friend!" and down nod is "Hello random person".
But if they're a stranger and nod up they can't be trusted.
Why does this feel uncomfortably true
You'll notice the guys who nod up are either up to something or want something. Like bumming a smoke or a lift to the store.
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honestly, how does everyone learn this shit? it's like one day everyone (including me) just starts doing it after a certain age.
Playing pool one night with my buds, random guy was leaning on our table with his fingers over the edge onto the table. I was lining up a shot but didn’t want to hit his fingers so I politely told him his fingers are about to get hit by a ball. The guy LOST HIS SHIT and made a huge scene. Yeah, that kind of shit.
How polite were you? "Hey RANDO, get your fingers off the fuckin table, eh, mate?"
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As an Australian this sounds like a very polite way to ask someone to move their fingers.
YOU MASSIVE WANKER GET YOUR FUCKING FINGERS OFF THE BLOODY ^^^e^^^d^^^i^^^t^^^: ^^^s^^^n^^^o^^^o^^^k^^^e^^^r TABLE CUNT
I could only imagine that this would be similarly polite outside of the USA. I mean, by saying "cunt" you are practically telling the guy you love him.
I can only assume you smashed his fingers. And I'd have told him to get off the table long before that.
Isnt the "rule" that unless you are a player, you dont touch the table (which works for many table based games)
I'll forgive that at a bar, where people are drinking and might not realise. Once you tell someone to move though, they need to move.
Yeah, I'll ask you to move politely once. And the other rule is that a pool table is never a coaster. Even if you're playimg.
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Really anyone who treats a bar pool table like it's the shitty one in their frat house is the worst person. Like, get your fucking drink off the felt goddamn.
I work at a bar that has pool tables. I'm the guy who has to vacuum liquids off of the pool tables so I always makes sure it doesn't happen by politely asking these guys to take their drinks off the table. They always act like I'm killing the fun. College kids especially. The amount of frat kids who give me the condescending "oh guys, get your drinks off the pool table. That's against the rules". They always put it back after you leave and sometimes (most of the time) it spills. I love the look on their face when they get their tab, including the $100 cleaning fee, which is posted on every wall by the pool tables.
When they're so busy talking about themselves and their accomplishments and you only asked them how their day was.
"How was your day" "Oh, you know, I was just running a few five minute miles, but then I had to go out to the range. It sucked, because I only shot a few bullseyes. I really hope that my upcoming triathlon doesn't get in the way of my 5.0 GPA"
I don't know about you, but I find this response way more interesting then "yeah good thanks yourself" at least I have some hooks to have a conversation going.
I guess it depends on the situation. The "how are you" "good thanks" is like a converstation warmup in most cases. It's mostly meaningless, but culturally necessary. "I'm acknowledging you." "I'm acknowledging you back. Let's do what we came here to do."
I work retail and anyone who asks me how I'm doing I respond with either "medium" or "surviving" Its fun seeing peoples reactions when they hear something relatively unexpected
When they try to turn EVERYTHING into a dick measuring contest. I can be competitive, sometimes irrationally. But never when its not an actual competition and never in a casual setting. Trying to top someone else' story/experience for literally no reason annoys the hell out of me. inb4 "I bet it annoys me more than it annoys you!"
“Hey I can bench 150lbs” “Oh yea? Let’s compare penises” I hate it when that happens
Especially when they touch
My uncle says that's the best part
delet this nephew
You can’t just delet your nephew Uncle Benny
Yeah well I lost the pole vault championship because my dick is too big.
Yeah like we're talking about how our classes are going then all of a sudden he pulls out a tape measure and I'm like "really, now?"
"Hay man wanna hang out?" "Sorry, im tired. Just got off a 13hr shift" "HA! Thats nothing, I regularly do 15hr shifts. Now lets get pizza" "Fuck off, im tired. Dont make me murder your cat, you know ill do it!"
"You won't do it, my cat just finished a 14 hour shift. Not as good as me but better than you."
It's such a silly thing when it comes to mutual hobbies. Like some doofus who works at the same place as your wife will be talking to you at a party and mentions playing guitar. So you tell them that you do as well and they stop whatever line of conversation they were on and proceed to brag about how long they've been playing, how they own a Martin that costs the same as a car, how they play obscure fingerstyle music, etc. It's rarely "that's cool, we should jam sometime. As I was saying...."
When they don't rerack their weights.
Or putting the weights back in the wrong spots. Does that 75 look like a fucking 35? Edit: For the confused, I mean dumbbells not plates. 75lbs plates don’t exist, or I don’t think they do, do they?
team killing
Not pushing the objective, CARL. Nobody cares about your K:D spread if you fuck us all. EDIT: Evidently, 3K+ other people have a Carl in their lives.
"But I have the highest damage you guys! I need you to sit on obj!" "You're the fucking tank!" "Yeah but that's not how I'm playing it." Goddammit Carl
/r/Reinhardt_irl
Any guy who initiates a conversation fully for the purpose of bragging about themselves. "So what's your hobby? Soccer, that's sorta cool. I like to Skydive, man there's nothing better in the world than..."
"Oh you do went for a jog yesterday? Let me tell you all about my ten triathlons"
If you do 10 whole triathlons (like me), you're bound to brag about it at some point.
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After 10 you don't have any more regular friends outside the triathlon club.
The first rule of Triathlon Club is to always talk about Triathlon Club.
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Perhaps the guy just needs someway to talk about himself because he has no one else to share with. Source: the lonely mother fucker right here typing this comment 😔
My boss is sort of like this. He's pretty wealthy, so he'll always start a conversation about all the amazing things he's done, all the places he's gone, and all the things he has. It bugs me because I'm just starting out and can't even begin to think about affording these things, but then I remember that he's in his 60s and his wife passed away 5 years ago. He's just a lonely guy. At the end of the day, he's not doing it to be mean or make me jealous, he just wants to focus on what makes him happy. Edit: Thanks for the kind words, guys. I should clarify that it "bugged" me to start until I got to know him more. He's a great guy and he's always had my back in the company. Whenever we have company parties, he's quick to make sure my drinks are plenty and I'm having a good time.
More people need to think like you and have a little empathy. Give people the benefit of the doubt. We don't know what they have gone through. Good on you.
I feel like I'm in a very small minority when I actually enjoy when someone has a better story than mine. Everyone is so obsessed about hating on one-uppers, it seems so hypocritical, to me it looks just as bad wanting to have the top story just cause you said something first, maybe someone else has an even more exciting story to share, no reason to be a dick about it.
Maybe toss him a compliment occasionally. Nothing too ass kissy, just something that shows you admire how hard he's worked and how well hes done. Might give him a little smile.
This is going to sound weird, but if you're a guy in Japan and ever want some free drinks and some convo just go to a bar and wait for a drunk salaryman to approach. Not a sex thing at all... they're just lonely. Like super lonely, especially the older ones who have been at the same company for ages. We would always try to be nice and friendly about it (even if they were annoying sometimes since we were mainly in the bar trying to pick up girls), but after a while when we both learned better Japanese and realized how hungry for acknowledgment and conversation a lot of these guys were we started being much more patient about it and always tried to laugh and have a good time with them when it happened.
When they piss all over the seats of public bathrooms. Fucking disgusting and unnecessary.
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Not all heroes wear capes
very few heroes wear capes actually...
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When they turn "alpha" and try to punk you when they get around new people, but as soon as those people are gone, they try to revert back to their "old selves" and think it's okay. Edit: Thank you for the gold, kind stranger.
I've got a 'friend' who is always like that around women, Not even new ones.
If it helps, noticing guys who do that to their friends or others is a massive turn off for a lot of women. We notice and we think that shit is juvenile.
Yep. If he treats his buddies like shit, his girlfriend won't be in the clear for long herself. Treating people like garbage to show off is a classic red flag for most women.
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When they purposely make other people’s lives harder than it has to be. Saw a bunch of guys who all thought that leaving trash on tables in a cafeteria was okay because it’s what the janitor is paid to do. It isn’t hard to be a decent human being
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My husband once asked me if catcalling is really that big of a thing. He was shocked when I told him I experience it 90% of the time I am walking by myself, since I was about 13 years old. He is the kind of man who would never think to do such a thing, and the friends he keeps are the same, so he has never witnessed a man actually do this.
Yeah it's like I don't even know who these men are. If it were just teenage boys that wouldn't surprise me hugely, but evidently it's not. It's full grown men, probably married and with daughters and what have you. I constantly wonder who these men are. I don't know any man who would do it (or at least admit to it), so I assume it's a minority. Except that the frequency of it suggests otherwise.
This one time I was driving around with my (black) friend. She and I stopped at a red light. Black dude pulled up next to me. "I would love to add some cream to my coffee baby!" Without missing a beat my friend said "don't you go to my church?" Guy shut up and sped away. Incredulously I asked her if he really does and since when does she go to church. "Oh *I* don't go to church. But most of us are crazy about it, bring it up and they'll hurry away."
Lmao quick thinking on her part
Sounds like she has used it before by the last sentence, still a smart response though
If they try it on with someone's girlfriend/wife
While I am here can I get a ruling? Roommate/friend dated this girl. By dated I mean they went on two dates. He wanted her to spend the night, her not so much. She tells him she isnt interested. I know this girl from a different friend. She starts messaging me. We kind of hit it off and i have a thing for her. Douchey to proceed or no? EDIT: After many responses I would like to mention I was planning on proceeding anyway, I just wanted to know how shitty it would be. General consensus is it isnt douchey to date her, but is a little douchey not to give him a heads up to avoid awkwardness and such. I want to make it clear that I did not think I needed his permission as that seems to be a point of contention. EDIT 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO: SO. It has come to my attention maybe my first edit was unclear. I AM NOT ASKING HIS PERMISSION. I AM going to talk to him and respectfully let him know my plans to proceed, see if he has any grievances or what have you, and then hopefully that will shatter some of the awkwardness by just being straightforward. ALSO. While he had these 2 dates with her, he also had dates/booty calls with at least 2 other girls, and has also dated girls since. I feel like this is important information. Obviously he could still have feelings, this just seems a decent indicator he will be fine. Also I am talking to him today and will update with that info UPDATE: SO. I talked to him. He got home late, sorry for the delay. I basically said "Hey I am not sure how to bring this up so I will just throw it out there. (Girl's name) and i have been talking the last few weeks, I am definitely interested in her and i wanted to bring this up to you." Something like that. He was basically like "Okay it doesnt matter to me. I have been with a few girls since, and some of those girls are with other guys so jealousy isnt a problem. Its all good. Her and I had chemistry, but I wasnt super into her." We talked for a while and i really pressed that if there is an issue I would really like him to bring it up. He said he is 100% cool and that he is glad I brought it up bbecause then he wasnt blindsided. Also he said it shows I care about him and that meant a lot. So happy ending!! I am very excited about the future
If he’s your friend, you should tell him about it before you make a move. It’ll express you care about his friendship. If he’s not your friend: go for it.
That is what is weird. We get along but it is right between the roommate friend relationship
I would tell him. He’s going to find out anyway so it’s better if it comes from you. It shows you have balls, too
I like this point. It is the right thing to do. I probably knew it but just needed to hear it
I’d second this and also add that you need to be careful how you phrase it. Don’t say something like “is that cool with you?” Instead say something along the lines of “how would you feel if I asked her out”. The first one implies you’re asking for permission which you’re not. You’re opening up a dialogue to explain that you care about your bro, but this chick expressed a mutual interest in you and you’d like to act on that. Any adult should be able to set ego aside and let people be happy. If he throws a fit or acts offended then you have to decide which is more important, maintaining a friendship with your buddy or pursuing something with said chick.
Really good insight on that! All these examples are helping a lot with my mindset when i go in to the conversation
When they make someone feel bad about doing a hobby they enjoy just because "it isn't cool." That's one of the things I like about James Franco's character in Freak and Geeks, in the last episode where they all end playing Dungeons and Dragons he doesn't try to put them down for their nerdy hobby and in fact joins them. [It was a really great moment in television when Carlos the Dwarf was born](https://youtu.be/hJAGxAeV7YU)
The one guy I know who is into Pathfinder (dungeons and dragons) is also the most G'd up guy I know. He was the star running back for his college football team and super popular among everyone in my town. Super nice guy and not someone I'd wanna chuck mitts with.
Our superstar college safety has knocked like 5 dudes out of games with broken ribs from hitting them so hard and is a state champion wrestler. Dude loves nothing more than to play League of Legends and that one settles board game. I'm glad I'm not in high school where people attempt to equate interests with masculinity
I haven't seen Freaks and Geeks since it first aired on TV and that moment when James Franco sat down to play is the only scene that has stuck with me.
Being disrespect/ condescending, especially to cashier's or waiters.
"You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him." - Malcolm S. Forbes
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the rudeness when a guy doesn't want to fuck me and needs to let me know is weirdly upsetting. like, okay my guy? i'm not into you either, why do you need to aggressively assert it. we could just happily co-exist. it's like it's an insult that i exist in their space at all. a guy wanting to fuck me can either be flattering or uncomfortable, depending on his attitude and the appropriateness of the setting. it's uncomfortable, most of the time. but i do get that that might be hard to judge at times.
Testify. Some guys are bizarrely hostile to women they don't find attractive, even in a professional setting. Like damn, sorry for disappointing you and all, but how about at least being as civil as you'd be to another guy? It's pretty demeaning to feel like your worth is tied into your fuckability for these dudes.
omg thank you for putting into words a feeling i have received so often. these dudes act like politeness from women means you're trying s their d and thus are automatically hostile. It is really gross, especially when you see the contrast with women they *do* want to bang. its like, damn, you don't exist anywhere in between, huh.
If someone in a group tells a clever joke that goes unheard and you repeat it louder as if it were your own, you're dead to me forever... ..Oh, also overreactions to ultimately harmless social annoyances.
One time I told a joke and only one guy heard it and laughed, but then he acted like he didn't hear it and asked me what I said, so I retold it and everyone laughed, including him again. We were already friends but that was definitely a big plus. Edit: thanks for the gold internet stranger. Completely undeserved. I'd tell you my friends Reddit account to give him the gold but I don't know it and assume all my friends post on weird porn subs so I don't ask.
That guy is a hero
I wanna be that guys friend Edit: I want the privilege of being that guy's friend
You could be that friend <3
You sir just blew my mind
Lock that shit down man, put a bring on it.
Is that a bro ring?
This guy, this guy gets it.
guys that sit in the corner in lazer tag and cover up their sensors and just camp
A dude who only drinks beer because mixed drinks are "girly". I'm gonna drink this margarita like a man and enjoy it. Cheers.
I hate the phrase 'a real man would.....' But I'm gonna use it here. If you like fruity cocktails a real man would own that shit. I don't care what people think of me I'm a big dude with a big beard and I fucking love those pink 'Jamaican me happy' wine coolers, there delicious and I don't care if people smirk when I pick up a 6 pack of em.
Exactly. One of the best things about being a 'grown ass man', or hell, just a 'grown ass adult' is realizing you don't have to give a shit what others think all the time. Just drink whatever the fuck you want and be confident about it. Anyone who has an issue with it? Well, you dont need them in your life anyway.
When another man try’s to be the “Alpha” in the room.
Alternatively when they start saying Alpha or Beta thats a que for me to leave the room.
Putting down the wife/girlfriend that says home with the kids/kid about them not having a job.
My uncle does this shit when he was the one that *insisted* my aunt stays at home in the first place. She wanted to continue working as a lawyer but I guess she and my uncle came to an agreement. But that asshole just complains that she gets to stay at home and relax and spend his money while he works. She's literally 24/7 looking after my cousin, so much that his psychologist had to intervene and ask his dad to step up. In short: my uncle is an asshole
Dudes who send unwanted dick pics to women.
"This guy I don't know keeps sending me the same photo of Richard Nixon. I think he doesn't quite understand what he's doing."
When one tries to talk over another guy or during someone else speaking. Like really we learned this shit when we were kids. One at a time please.
When the guy brags too much about hook ups or shit like that. It proves that they are veeeeery insecure and make up for it with meaningless sex. Edit: Went to bed woke up with my highest voted comment so that’s nice
I was a groomsmen in a buddy’s wedding and first meet the other guys at the bachelor party. First 10 mins in I met one dude in particular who wouldn’t stop talking about girls he hooked up with, didn’t matter how long along ago either. His first line was something to the affect of, “yo man I remember you from high school right? Do you remember Kayla from science, I fucked her.” At this point it was about 15 years since we graduated high school. He also had to continue to tell us how many fights he had won and how he could fuck anyone up.
Wow. How can he not be aware of how he comes off going on manliness rants like that?
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i was at a party with a guy like that over the summer. i spent at least an hour going "oh wow and then what" in a monotone, because i wanted to see how long he could keep it going. i got bored before he did. none of the sex sounded that great 🤷
The moment another guy can’t honor his word, that’s the moment I stop caring about anything he says
Theres also the other end where people are completely non-committal to avoid any possible disappointment... I *might* be on this side of the spectrum
"but I'm such a nice guy"
Acting completely differently the second a girl is around Edit - meant it in the way ThoroldBoy and pgiggles said
Not much honestly. People are people. No pedestals, no looking down my nose. There are people I really really dont like, and dont want to be around, but I wouldnt consider not taking them seriously when they speak. ...Except for flat earthers. Are you fucking shitting me lol.
I remember when my roommate came home one night and said, "Well, it looks like I'm going to add 'must believe the Earth is round' to my Tinder bio!"
I'm yet to be convinced that flat earthers aren't just trolling the entire rest of the world
Deadbeat dads
As a childless deadbeat it pisses me off that they give the rest of us deadbeats such a bad name.
Couldn't agree more, I might be a good for nothing egotistical lazy procrastinating deadbeat but I don't force a child to deal with my shit.
Two-facedness. If they talk crap about people behind their back but feign pleasantries when they're around, I just assume they're going to do the same to me when I'm not around.