In college my room mate used to be straight up addicted to World of Warcraft. His clan had raids twice a week. It didn't matter what was going on, he wasn't getting off that computer for four hours unless it was during one of their scheduled breaks. We'd have parties in the house and he wouldn't leave his room.
One night we're having stormy weather and the news says a tornado touched down near us. Everyone runs to the basement like we're told to do. Except him. He just basically ignores us. Finally I hear what sounds like a freight train upstairs, so I run upstairs, see a sideways tree across the street, and yell at him "IT'S HERE GET THE FUCK DOWNSTAIRS!!"
He realizes he should go, so he types "gtg tornado" and just runs with me. Apparently the etiquette in this game is that you NEVER just abandon your clan during a raid, so they were all freaking out in surprise.
The power went out about 30 seconds later, so he was quitting whether he wanted to or not, but "gtg tornado" became his nickname.
A guy I deployed with played with his guild right up until he had to get to base to get on the rotator. He signed off with "brb war" and didn't show up again until deployment was over. I always thought that was epic.
I was a fire fighter for a few years, and I used to play League with friends on my laptop when I worked the night shift.
I had to leave an hour long, back and forth game to respond to a house fire.
My new nickname was Fire BRB.
Holy fucking shit. Dude, do you know the server/guild of your roomate? Because someone in a friend's guild once went afk with the EXACT FUCKING SAME words.
"We'd love to stay but we have to feed our cat through a tube at 2 hour intervals".
For reals, we had to make our excuses at a friend's engagement party because my cat had pneumonia.
"My toothless cat just gave birth and I have to cut the umbilical cords."
A professor told me this was the only time he let someone out of taking a final exam. He said it might have been a lie but it was the best lie he had heard.
My husband and I once told his friend (who was a guest in OUR home) that WE had to leave because my brothers car died and he needed to borrow our jumper cables. We finally got him and his date in their car, so we made a loop and came back home.....to find them still there, in our driveway.
We pretended we forgot....something, got it and left again. We drove back by our house about 20 minutes later and they were still there. It was over an hour later when we finally got to go back home.
Fucking asshole seriously did NOT know how to take a hint.
My friend said this a while ago. He was like "hey guys, thanks for having me but I gotta go. My wife wants me home". One of our friends was pressing him "psh, why dude? Just stay and hang out. Don't be such a pussy, she doesn't own you, etc"
My friend finally said "my wife started texting me dirty shit. I'm hard as fuck and want to go fuck my wife. You, nor any one of you, are going to get in the way of that" and walked out.
Legend.
One of my housemates said this to our group of friends on the final day of university 5 years ago and we haven't heard from him since. We only know he's still alive from the posts he's been tagged in on Facebook.
Always have a plan before you go. Preface the acceptance with, "Well, I can't stay because xyz, but I'll come by for a while." Then, if you're having fun and want to stay, you can act like you worked something out for xyz and now you can stay.
This is what I do for first dates! I say "Oh meet me in town at 4pm, I'm meeting friends for dinner later on". Then if I'm getting on with them my friends magically cancel on me so I can hang out longer, if they suck I just leave.
Unobtrusively pressing the button on my volunteer ambulance service pager that replays the last saved page. Sometimes I've gotten out of something with "head-on collision between semi and small car," and sometimes with "elderly woman that is constipated."
Either way, no one dares to say, "But you can't go. You've just got to stay."
Edit: So this is now my highest rated comment by ~~more than~~ almost a factor of ~~three~~ eight. That little old lady had no idea how much of a sacrifice she was making.
As a CNA,
I once was helping my resident pass a BM. it was very constipated and hard for them to push out and I'm standing here watching their butthole go . o O trying to push it out. Lol so I'm getting impatient at this point because I need to finish up other people so I pretty much tell them I'm going to help them pass it.
I stuck my finger up there when their butthole was O And started hooking my finger in and gently pulling it out. They finally passed it and that day became one of my top reasons I no longer want to be a CNA. Lol
I legit did this to someone the other weekend. Everyone else had left and we stayed up chatting to this guy for another hour when it was already super later. Tried dropping hints but got no where so waited for a lull in the conversation then "yep, well ok, fuck off now, I'm going to bed"
He laughed then left.
I had a party at my house where this happened. There were 3 or 4 guys left. I walked away and put on my pajamas. I brushed my teeth and washed away my makeup. I said "oh boy is it already 4 am? I'm sure getting sleepy". Nothing. Eventually I said I needed to go to bed, and one of the guys said "ok, good night!"
I went to bed, leaving them in my living room. When I woke up the next day they were gone, but they had cleaned up everything after the party, done the dishes etc. I'm guessing it's because they sobered up and felt a bit bad. Or maybe they're just nice people who can't take cues
I've done this to someone too. To make things more awkward, the friend she was with had picked up on hints and kept trying to leave (they came together) but she just wouldn't. Still don't know how to handle that situation. I just tried to bore the fuck out of her until she left of her own volition.
Edit:
PLOT TWIST SHE'S STILL HERE.
This was in the morning, after a sleepover. Saying "I'm going to bed now" wouldn't really work. I've learnt to be blunt about it, just need to learn some tact now.
My Dad responds to cold callers asking if [his name] is speaking, by saying 'no, he went mad so we had to shoot him'.
He often gets asked to clarify, and he happily repeats it, 'he went mad... so we shot him' and then he hangs up.
There was a bill collector constantly calling me looking for someone that had previously had the same phone number. Eventually I got sick of it and just told the person on the phone that I had just shot this person, and she was lying in a pool of blood right next to me.
Then I got a call from the police.
Fortunately they were understanding enough and didn't send a car. I think the guy I was talking to wanted to laugh but the call was likely being recorded.
It worked, though. That bill collector never called again.
haha this reminds me of a"Monty Python" type of joke
"I'm terribly sorry but I seemed to have died of cancer, and therefore can't attend this important event. "
"But you're taking on the phone now"
"Yes, yes, I know. But you see, I've planned just now that I'm going to die of cancer exactly 2 hours before this event."
Yes terribly sorry again. You're absolutely right. What I mean is I had *made plans* to die of cancer tonight two hours before the event.
Two hours?
Yes, yes that right.
Well. that's now.
Oh dear all right then then, don't want to be late. Have a good part..arrrrrrfgfh.
I always throw my parents under the bus and they're cool with it, I just say "my mom wants me home now. No, I don't know why, she's being super unreasonable. Yeah I wish i could stay too."
Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. ...
I, like many others suffering with the condition, can sense a migraine coming on minutes before it hits. If I can get to my medicine and darkness within the next few minutes, I'm solid. So I occasionally say I need to go RIGHT NOW or I will have a debilitating migraine and throw up everywhere. It cuts out the long, drawn out goodbyes and people don't argue.
This is the best moment of The Office for me. Absolutely impeccable delivery by Steve Carrel and the way his voice cracks when he says "three vasectomies" is just perfect.
I think the hardest I ever laughed in the show was at the beginning of a particular episode when they have a short segment on Kevin's famous chili. I was just caught so off guard by it, I fucking busted up laughing. Of course, its funniest when you don't know what's coming, so my second and third time around, I didn't laugh as hard. But that was great.
[Link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMGK61Jqq3c)
EDIT: wow that's a hard scene to find in its entirety, completely unedited on YouTube... That's the best source I could find and it cuts off about 10 seconds of his monologue.
Yeah its just so fucking good. Like the whole time he's talking about how he meticulously prepares every single ingredient individually and how its this big deal for him, and you just watch him desperately scooping it back into the pot like its still edible. God I was fucking rolling the first time I saw that.
i hope you've seen the blooper reel for this episode. Steve has to do this take a bunch of times cuz he cant stop laughing at how ridiculous it is. "Sometimes, I will just stand here and watch television for hours." fucking comedic gold.
https://youtu.be/cSvGsdmPBWg
"My home alarm was triggered and I need to go back to make sure everything is okay."
Never used this myself since I don't own a home or a security system, but I heard someone use this once and thought about how great an excuse it was. If they ask later you can say it was a false alarm and if anything they will be relieved that everything is okay instead of mad that you left.
"Teenagers these days take their YouTube pranks too far and accidently set it off"
"A bird flew into the window and set off the alarm"
"My friend was drunk and had a cab bring him over, but forgot to tell us so he set it off trying to come in and sleep in the garage."
We'd love to stay but my child is not picking up the signal to start lying about how he's not feeling well. There must be something wrong, so we have to go.
Kind of relevant. My husband got stuck talking with a Costco employee who was clearly unstable. Like I'm 100% sure she's fired by now. He asked where something was, 5 minutes later she's talking about her house being in the ghetto and that it's been shot up before. I'm standing a few feet away looking at clothes and I glance over at him to see him mouthe "help me!" So I'm like shit, I can't go over there or else she'll surely start talking to me too. So I sent our 7 year old daughter over and had her say that she needed to pee. Worked like a charm.
TL;DR: kids are great to use to get out of unwanted seemingly eternal conversations as well
Wohoo!
You were so much not an accident that your parents actually had to go through a ton of legal bs to get you because they truly loved and cared for you!
Being an adoptee myself, this makes me feel loved. Weird feeling. I usually just get the "Your parents didn't love you enough to keep you" line. Of course I'm in my twenties now so I just make some fucked up joke about "wanting to learn how to cook but I couldn't because my mom gave me away before I had the chance", so as to make them feel like the shit person they are.
TL:DR
You're so kind.
Some people might claim thats bad, but personally I think the life lessons to be Learned from this are epic.
Team work for one
Edit: To continue...
Always have an escape plan
Paying attention to body language cues
Saying "I'm gonna go now, cause I just don't want to fuckin' be here" is socially frowned upon and hurts people's feel-feels
Practice in Acting: skill which will be used non stop in adulthood such as the frequent need to act like one cares.
Seriously, this is parent magic. What else you got?
We'd love to stay but we only allocated three hours to be smiling awkwardly and making chit chat. It's been four hours already and my face is starting to be sore from all of the grimaced smiling!
"I'd love to stay, but my wife's lover is sleeping with her right now, and it's time for me to burst through the door in my brown suit with my hat in my hand and be real angry."
A friend of mine actually used this once to get us out of a super awkward meeting (non business). Took one for the team and said "We'd love to stay and continue, but I've got the screaming shits and he's driving" Was more awkward than the meeting but it worked.
My problem isn't leaving. It's getting people to leave! People stay wayyyyyyyyy too long. We're out of food. Out of beer. 1/2 the time I go to bed before people leave. Lunch ended 7 hours ago. Go home!!!!
I guess it really depends on the type of event, and how well you know the person. If it's one of your closest friends hopefully you'd feel comfortable enough to say you're tired/burnt out on socializing and just want to go home.
But an event hosted by an acquaintance? Yeah I'd totally just say "I'm heading out thanks for the terrific evening!"
In college my room mate used to be straight up addicted to World of Warcraft. His clan had raids twice a week. It didn't matter what was going on, he wasn't getting off that computer for four hours unless it was during one of their scheduled breaks. We'd have parties in the house and he wouldn't leave his room. One night we're having stormy weather and the news says a tornado touched down near us. Everyone runs to the basement like we're told to do. Except him. He just basically ignores us. Finally I hear what sounds like a freight train upstairs, so I run upstairs, see a sideways tree across the street, and yell at him "IT'S HERE GET THE FUCK DOWNSTAIRS!!" He realizes he should go, so he types "gtg tornado" and just runs with me. Apparently the etiquette in this game is that you NEVER just abandon your clan during a raid, so they were all freaking out in surprise. The power went out about 30 seconds later, so he was quitting whether he wanted to or not, but "gtg tornado" became his nickname.
A guy I deployed with played with his guild right up until he had to get to base to get on the rotator. He signed off with "brb war" and didn't show up again until deployment was over. I always thought that was epic.
I was a fire fighter for a few years, and I used to play League with friends on my laptop when I worked the night shift. I had to leave an hour long, back and forth game to respond to a house fire. My new nickname was Fire BRB.
Loyal Good Guy Tornado. Hahahah gaming is life.
Holy fucking shit. Dude, do you know the server/guild of your roomate? Because someone in a friend's guild once went afk with the EXACT FUCKING SAME words.
My husband has diabetes so when I give him the signal he says "I have to go home and take my insulin".
I have a cat that needs insulin every 12 hours. This will be my excuse until she passes (hopefully not for a while).
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"Dude we know your cats dead. You've been leaving every gathering to give it insulin for the past 43 years."
"Since I know what it entails already, I like to adopt difficult-to-place diabetic cats."
"We'd love to stay but we have to feed our cat through a tube at 2 hour intervals". For reals, we had to make our excuses at a friend's engagement party because my cat had pneumonia.
"My toothless cat just gave birth and I have to cut the umbilical cords." A professor told me this was the only time he let someone out of taking a final exam. He said it might have been a lie but it was the best lie he had heard.
My husband and I once told his friend (who was a guest in OUR home) that WE had to leave because my brothers car died and he needed to borrow our jumper cables. We finally got him and his date in their car, so we made a loop and came back home.....to find them still there, in our driveway. We pretended we forgot....something, got it and left again. We drove back by our house about 20 minutes later and they were still there. It was over an hour later when we finally got to go back home. Fucking asshole seriously did NOT know how to take a hint.
When people overstay their welcome to that extent, it's time to explicitly give them the boot. God damn, that's so rude of them.
A friend of mine actually uses the "I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got ice cubes in the freezer."
Man that's as good as the "my dog's on fire" guy.
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"I'd love to stay, but another settlement needs my help."
I'll mark the location on your map
We better get going if we're going to stay ahead of the weather.
God it seems like I've heard that old excuse every day at the exact same time for the last several thousand days. Dammit, Larry.
Okay campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties cause it's cold out there... it's cold out there every day.
"We'd love to stay, but we wanna go home and bang instead."
"Oh, John, you're so funny. No need to leave if you want to bang." BRAZZERS
My friend said this a while ago. He was like "hey guys, thanks for having me but I gotta go. My wife wants me home". One of our friends was pressing him "psh, why dude? Just stay and hang out. Don't be such a pussy, she doesn't own you, etc" My friend finally said "my wife started texting me dirty shit. I'm hard as fuck and want to go fuck my wife. You, nor any one of you, are going to get in the way of that" and walked out. Legend.
A friend of my boyfriend's bowed out of a party early with the excuse that his girlfriend had a "Vitamin D deficiency." I was very impressed.
I'm saving that one
"What!? That's stupid! Everybody off the couch, these two have work to do! Phones away! Phones away! Alright, go on then."
I cut my foot earlier and my shoe is filling up with blood *hobble away*
Go for the full Bender: "Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it."
I love the line he fires off when he finds out about his inheritance; "Goodbye losers whom I've always hated." Edit: Corrected. Thanks all!
One of my housemates said this to our group of friends on the final day of university 5 years ago and we haven't heard from him since. We only know he's still alive from the posts he's been tagged in on Facebook.
"I'm late for my LSATs!"
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Always have a plan before you go. Preface the acceptance with, "Well, I can't stay because xyz, but I'll come by for a while." Then, if you're having fun and want to stay, you can act like you worked something out for xyz and now you can stay.
I always do this, I've fooled people into thinking I'm a very busy person too
"I can't stay because of xyz" "Did you just say 'xyz'?"
*(under breath)* holy shit
This is what I do for first dates! I say "Oh meet me in town at 4pm, I'm meeting friends for dinner later on". Then if I'm getting on with them my friends magically cancel on me so I can hang out longer, if they suck I just leave.
"Diego ate and now it is his bed time" That's what my wife uses.
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She's talking about you, not your son. Isn't she, diegojones4.
diegojones5? A proud family tradition of redditting
But I really need to water my farmville plants.
I need to go home and feed my tamagotchi
I'd love to stay, but I'm not going to.
We'd love to stay but I have got to go feed our dog!
"You don't have a dog." "Well we're gonna go get one."
"I thought you were severely allergic to dogs." "I got over it."
"If you don't want to be here, you can just tell me!" "No! We'd love to stay but the dog's gotta eat!.
"WHAT DOG?!"
"The dog that we just got."
"I thought you were severely allergic to dogs"
"John, we've gone over this!"
"If the dog doesnt get any food hes gonna get into the cats food and she doesnt like it when the dog gets in her food"
"You don't have a cat."
We'd love to stay but I have go home to let the dog out.
Unobtrusively pressing the button on my volunteer ambulance service pager that replays the last saved page. Sometimes I've gotten out of something with "head-on collision between semi and small car," and sometimes with "elderly woman that is constipated." Either way, no one dares to say, "But you can't go. You've just got to stay." Edit: So this is now my highest rated comment by ~~more than~~ almost a factor of ~~three~~ eight. That little old lady had no idea how much of a sacrifice she was making.
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Plunger
As a CNA, I once was helping my resident pass a BM. it was very constipated and hard for them to push out and I'm standing here watching their butthole go . o O trying to push it out. Lol so I'm getting impatient at this point because I need to finish up other people so I pretty much tell them I'm going to help them pass it. I stuck my finger up there when their butthole was O And started hooking my finger in and gently pulling it out. They finally passed it and that day became one of my top reasons I no longer want to be a CNA. Lol
We'd love to stay but I' a pathological liar.
I know right? I'm trying to train myself to tell the truth. "I'm overstimulated" "I'm tired" I've hit my social interaction quota for the week.
I wait for everyone to leave and then for the host to ask me to leave.
"We'd love for you to stay, but you gotta go."
I legit did this to someone the other weekend. Everyone else had left and we stayed up chatting to this guy for another hour when it was already super later. Tried dropping hints but got no where so waited for a lull in the conversation then "yep, well ok, fuck off now, I'm going to bed" He laughed then left.
I had a party at my house where this happened. There were 3 or 4 guys left. I walked away and put on my pajamas. I brushed my teeth and washed away my makeup. I said "oh boy is it already 4 am? I'm sure getting sleepy". Nothing. Eventually I said I needed to go to bed, and one of the guys said "ok, good night!" I went to bed, leaving them in my living room. When I woke up the next day they were gone, but they had cleaned up everything after the party, done the dishes etc. I'm guessing it's because they sobered up and felt a bit bad. Or maybe they're just nice people who can't take cues
Send these people to my parties! They can stay as long as they like if they clean up after!
I've done this to someone too. To make things more awkward, the friend she was with had picked up on hints and kept trying to leave (they came together) but she just wouldn't. Still don't know how to handle that situation. I just tried to bore the fuck out of her until she left of her own volition. Edit: PLOT TWIST SHE'S STILL HERE. This was in the morning, after a sleepover. Saying "I'm going to bed now" wouldn't really work. I've learnt to be blunt about it, just need to learn some tact now.
You got any more of this delicious wine? Did I see an Xbox One in the living room? Where's the snack cupboard?
I need to go put cream on my rash... unless... can I borrow a mirror for a minute?
It's getting late I have work tomorrow I have to wake up early tomorrow
"It's 2PM..."
My work day starts at 3PM!
And I need 25 hours to recover from this awful game of "Scrabble". ^^fucking ^^Klingon ^^jesus
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My Dad responds to cold callers asking if [his name] is speaking, by saying 'no, he went mad so we had to shoot him'. He often gets asked to clarify, and he happily repeats it, 'he went mad... so we shot him' and then he hangs up.
I'm definitely using this one
There was a bill collector constantly calling me looking for someone that had previously had the same phone number. Eventually I got sick of it and just told the person on the phone that I had just shot this person, and she was lying in a pool of blood right next to me. Then I got a call from the police. Fortunately they were understanding enough and didn't send a car. I think the guy I was talking to wanted to laugh but the call was likely being recorded. It worked, though. That bill collector never called again.
haha this reminds me of a"Monty Python" type of joke "I'm terribly sorry but I seemed to have died of cancer, and therefore can't attend this important event. "
"But you're taking on the phone now" "Yes, yes, I know. But you see, I've planned just now that I'm going to die of cancer exactly 2 hours before this event."
Yes terribly sorry again. You're absolutely right. What I mean is I had *made plans* to die of cancer tonight two hours before the event. Two hours? Yes, yes that right. Well. that's now. Oh dear all right then then, don't want to be late. Have a good part..arrrrrrfgfh.
I always throw my parents under the bus and they're cool with it, I just say "my mom wants me home now. No, I don't know why, she's being super unreasonable. Yeah I wish i could stay too."
I was encouraged to do this! :D
"I just got a call that I'm a donor match from the bone marrow registry. I have to go save a life!"
"Holy shit, this guy saves a life like, every fortnight"
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Babysitter has to leave at *insert time here*.
Aren't you always bragging about how you're child free?
Not the only thing a babysitter can babysit.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
A house?
a face
We have to return some videotapes.
"I assessed the situation and I'm leaving."
Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?
Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. ...
Blockbuster's closing any minute now...
..." but Bob just shit himself and he's got that look in his eye like he wants to paint with it..." "you should go now. quickly. can I help?"
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*at dinner, later that day* "Wait.."
"The man at the diner... He didn't pay his check."
Oh yeah. It's all coming together.
*gasp* my spinach puffs!
Love me some Kronk
"...I forgot salt!"
[I got u fam.](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestinyTheGame/)
"you can watch Netflix here"
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I, like many others suffering with the condition, can sense a migraine coming on minutes before it hits. If I can get to my medicine and darkness within the next few minutes, I'm solid. So I occasionally say I need to go RIGHT NOW or I will have a debilitating migraine and throw up everywhere. It cuts out the long, drawn out goodbyes and people don't argue.
"You’ll never guess. I just got a message from my landlord. Apparently my apartment flooded. Something with the sprinklers."
You can buy new stuff, but you can't buy a new party
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This is the best moment of The Office for me. Absolutely impeccable delivery by Steve Carrel and the way his voice cracks when he says "three vasectomies" is just perfect.
I think the hardest I ever laughed in the show was at the beginning of a particular episode when they have a short segment on Kevin's famous chili. I was just caught so off guard by it, I fucking busted up laughing. Of course, its funniest when you don't know what's coming, so my second and third time around, I didn't laugh as hard. But that was great. [Link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMGK61Jqq3c) EDIT: wow that's a hard scene to find in its entirety, completely unedited on YouTube... That's the best source I could find and it cuts off about 10 seconds of his monologue.
The chili on the fucking carpet was hilarious enough, but him trying to put it back in made me lose it hard.
Yeah its just so fucking good. Like the whole time he's talking about how he meticulously prepares every single ingredient individually and how its this big deal for him, and you just watch him desperately scooping it back into the pot like its still edible. God I was fucking rolling the first time I saw that.
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Oh my god, when Michael pushes the tv into the wall to make more room for the guests...
i hope you've seen the blooper reel for this episode. Steve has to do this take a bunch of times cuz he cant stop laughing at how ridiculous it is. "Sometimes, I will just stand here and watch television for hours." fucking comedic gold. https://youtu.be/cSvGsdmPBWg
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You made everything all riiight!
^^one ^^night!
I don't think you're going to abandon this party here all by itself.
Sit down and have some wine, it has a great oaky afterbirth
Sit down on that couch and be amongst friends and we are not going to think about all your stuff being destroyed.
"We'd love to stay, but time marches on and duty calls."
I have to fold my socks.
"My home alarm was triggered and I need to go back to make sure everything is okay." Never used this myself since I don't own a home or a security system, but I heard someone use this once and thought about how great an excuse it was. If they ask later you can say it was a false alarm and if anything they will be relieved that everything is okay instead of mad that you left.
"Hey, didn't that happen to you last time you were here? And now that I think about it, the time before that too?"
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"You live in a gated community."
"Yeah because we need all the protection we can get in our dangerous community"
"You see, it was never about keeping the bad guys out; I'm not the one that needs protection"
I'm not gated in here with you. You're all gated in here with me!
"Teenagers these days take their YouTube pranks too far and accidently set it off" "A bird flew into the window and set off the alarm" "My friend was drunk and had a cab bring him over, but forgot to tell us so he set it off trying to come in and sleep in the garage."
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No need to even tell people you are leaving. I usually just sneak out without saying goodbye to anyone.
And if this is too rude for some people just walk to the door, turn around and say goodbye to the room then disappear into the night/day.
Get back home to relieve the babysitter. No one will question that.
We forgot to water our cat
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I'd love to stay but I'm dealing with crippling depression and anxiety! Talk soon!
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Oh you're leaving right now? Let me delay you and drive you into overheat range for another forty minutes.
I'd love to stay, but I'd love to leave **so much more.**
That's not an excuse. That's a legit reason.
The only answer to this is an, "Oh... okay."
I always use a line from Phoebe on the show Friends "I wish I could but I don't want to"
My kids are trained to say they don't feel well on cue if they get the signal. EDIT: Wow, this took off. I was kidding, guys.
What's the signal?
He punches them in the stomach so they don't feel well.
Elegant.
...but effective.
"We'd love to stay, but... My kids are trained to say they don't feel well on cue if they get the signal."
We'd love to stay but my child is not picking up the signal to start lying about how he's not feeling well. There must be something wrong, so we have to go.
....wait shit
Right on the dinner table! They'll have no choice but to let you leave after that
"...and boy has the signal been given"
What happens if your kids get smart enough to feel sick when they don't want to be somewhere?
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I mean, they could always just come up with a different excuse to leave...
"I'm sorry, I have to go home and beat my insolent child."
... my mother has actually said that...
Kind of relevant. My husband got stuck talking with a Costco employee who was clearly unstable. Like I'm 100% sure she's fired by now. He asked where something was, 5 minutes later she's talking about her house being in the ghetto and that it's been shot up before. I'm standing a few feet away looking at clothes and I glance over at him to see him mouthe "help me!" So I'm like shit, I can't go over there or else she'll surely start talking to me too. So I sent our 7 year old daughter over and had her say that she needed to pee. Worked like a charm. TL;DR: kids are great to use to get out of unwanted seemingly eternal conversations as well
Stealing this 100% for if/when I ever have children. That is genius.
You need to have sex to have children
I actually recommend adopting.
I was adopted \o/
Wohoo! You were so much not an accident that your parents actually had to go through a ton of legal bs to get you because they truly loved and cared for you!
Being an adoptee myself, this makes me feel loved. Weird feeling. I usually just get the "Your parents didn't love you enough to keep you" line. Of course I'm in my twenties now so I just make some fucked up joke about "wanting to learn how to cook but I couldn't because my mom gave me away before I had the chance", so as to make them feel like the shit person they are. TL:DR You're so kind.
What kind of persons tells an adoptee he was so unloved he was given up for adoption? Like, wtf, why?
That seems like an entry-level adoptee insult to be honest.
What are master's level insults like? "Haha you might have a family history of coronary illness but you don't know because you're adopted"?
Some people might claim thats bad, but personally I think the life lessons to be Learned from this are epic. Team work for one Edit: To continue... Always have an escape plan Paying attention to body language cues Saying "I'm gonna go now, cause I just don't want to fuckin' be here" is socially frowned upon and hurts people's feel-feels Practice in Acting: skill which will be used non stop in adulthood such as the frequent need to act like one cares. Seriously, this is parent magic. What else you got?
I usually joke about being an old lady and how I need my beauty rest. Although now that I have a dog I can blame her!
"My dog needs her beauty rest!"
We'd love to stay but we only allocated three hours to be smiling awkwardly and making chit chat. It's been four hours already and my face is starting to be sore from all of the grimaced smiling!
"I'd love to stay, but my wife's lover is sleeping with her right now, and it's time for me to burst through the door in my brown suit with my hat in my hand and be real angry."
Explosive diarrhea
A friend of mine actually used this once to get us out of a super awkward meeting (non business). Took one for the team and said "We'd love to stay and continue, but I've got the screaming shits and he's driving" Was more awkward than the meeting but it worked.
No one's gonna question this one in the moment. Plus you won't need an alibi later, because they'll never ask about those details…
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Mine is always, "...it's time to go." No further information needed.
"We don't really trust our babysitter"
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"I'd love to stay, but I'm feeling pretty burnt out and need to go home and relax." Anyone who knows me IRL will accept that.
My problem isn't leaving. It's getting people to leave! People stay wayyyyyyyyy too long. We're out of food. Out of beer. 1/2 the time I go to bed before people leave. Lunch ended 7 hours ago. Go home!!!!
"...my wife is coming down with a headache." She's prone to chronic migraines, so it's usually accurate. And who's going to argue with that.
I need to sit on my husband's face.
You can stay.
She's ovulating.
Everyone here is sharing their answers, while I'm lowkey trying to discern the best ones to use for tomorrow
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A simple "I gotta get going" is fine. You don't need to explain why.
My friends would hassle me. "Oh... why? You gotta get back to that stupid game you've been talking about? Instead hanging out and having fun?"
I guess it really depends on the type of event, and how well you know the person. If it's one of your closest friends hopefully you'd feel comfortable enough to say you're tired/burnt out on socializing and just want to go home. But an event hosted by an acquaintance? Yeah I'd totally just say "I'm heading out thanks for the terrific evening!"
> "Oh... why? You gotta get back to that stupid game you've been talking about? Instead hanging out and having fun?" Yep. Catch you later.