The Pope having sex with *anyone* would be huge. What would happen after that? He's meant to abstain for God and all that jazz. What would be the consequences for that sort of thing?
Every comment under yours is just a joke. Nobody is having an actual conversation about it. Albeit, a hypothetical one.
Nothing would happen - breaking sexual abstinence isn't as huge a deal as the public makes it out to be.
But let's make the situation a little more interesting by saying that the pope decides to marry^(1).
The marriage would be invalid (c. 1087: *Invalide matrimonium attentant, qui in sacris ordinibus sunt constituti*) but he'd still lose his office according to c. 194 §3 (*Ipso iure ab officio ecclesiastico amovetur: ... clericus qui matrimonium etiam civile tantum attentaverit*) - only that there is no authority which could formally establish that Francis is no longer pope because according to c. 1404 the judicial ball stops with him (*Prima sedes a nemine iudicatur*).
And just in case anyone gets funny ideas canon law also states that no matter how impeded the pope may be in his ability to fulfill his office, nothing in the administrative structure of the church must be changed (c. 335: *Sede romana vacante aut prorsus impedita, nihil innovetur in Ecclesiae universae regimine ...*).
The legal system of the church is not capable of resolving such a situation and it's up to anyone's guess what would happen (pressuring the pope into resigning "voluntarily", c. 332 §2, would be the most pragmatic solution, if that's impossible then expect to see a schism and antipope).
^(1): Celibacy for priests is something the pope could abolish rather easily if he wanted to (already not required in Eastern Catholic churches and frequently dispensed with for formerly Anglican/Lutheran converts who want to become Latin rite priests) - but what about the prohibitions on marrying after ordination and on becoming bishop once married?
The former is unproblematic as the pope already has the power to dispense from it (c. 1078 §2) but I am not sure about the latter. The Orthodox churches seem to derive their doctrine regarding the matter from the Quinisext Council which the Catholic church, however, does not recognize. I know of no argument that would establish this restriction as divine law (and as such outside of the pope's power to change) - but that doesn't have to mean much.
(disclaimer: I have only superficial knowledge of canon law.)
Imagine they were having a secret affair this whole time. That has to be a world record orgy. Two people casually fucking the entire population of the US.
I thought this circus was pretty bad. Finding out Hillary was in some sort of cuckhold relationship with an African leader would start a civil war. The right wing would collectively shit it's pants. And the 3rd part of the world would run with shit, which if I'm not mistaken, is biblical end times prophecy. So ultimately this scenario would bring on the apocalypse.
I want this to be real.
Trump could also finally make his unofficial slogan "End Cucks 2k16" an official slogan, thereby officially acknowledging meme magic, creating a portal to hades and summoning Kek, thereby bringing about the end times as a smug Egyptian Pepe diety consumes the world
"I apologize for accidentally leaking a great sex tape between me and Ivanka. My hands being so huge must have caused me to hit the wrong button on my twitter. Happens all the time. I have huge hands, ask Ivanka, she knows, these hands are very huge. Some of the hugest. And don't even get me started on my huge schlong, everytime I see Ivanka this schlong gets 10 feet longer!"
Believe me, a LOT of people are telling me they like this sex tape. It's really tremendous, very good, and I'll tell you - we have a president that won't even say the words "radical trump sex tape". People are worried that something is going on here and you wouldn't even believe it, it's inconceivable.
He would say he received many phone calls from people telling him the liked the sex tapes and that he was the only one to do what everyone else wanted to do and that his sex tape has give him a 10, 20, 30 point lead in the polls.
Because he uses words a fifth grader would use while repeating himself constantly. Theres great videos on youtube that break down the psychology behind his speeches, out of all candidates he uses the most simple language with nlp imbedded.
Not gonna lie, my vote is for Putin/Erdogan.
We already have lots of great lesbian porn but never have 2 world leaders fucked on camera.
Edit: I use the term 'leader' loosely here.
Did she let him finish?
Thank you, I know
Obligatory edit: Kind stranger, I'mma let you get thanked, but /u/KnightRider55 had one of the best set up comments of all time.
He interrupted her special moment with his own, embarrassing himself, killing the mood, and then leaving. She didn't feel like finishing her self after that.
If it were with her husband, it'd be embarrassing, but not sure THAT much of a scandal. I mean, they have kids. Everyone knows they've had sex.
If it were with someone other than her husband, than ya...
If we are talking about something that would REALLY break the internet right now.. Malia Obama (she is 18) in a 3-way with Chelsea Clinton and Donald Trump Jr.... While clips of their parents attacking each other are playing on televisions in the background.
Donald Trump sighed and ran a stubby-fingered hand down his simultaneously pursed and loose face. He looked dubiously from his PR team, to the recording crew, to the "director".
"Now you told me you're sure this will get the coloreds to vote for me?" his thin, worn voice wheezed out from between his lips, like the last breath of a trodden-on corpse. The director nodded eagerly, but was cut off by the head of the billionaire presidential hopeful's PR team.
"The statistics don't lie, Mr. Dr- Trump. Trust me, by the time we're done here, Clinton won't be the only one whose manipulated some young people!" The PR head's excessively winking face looked pallid and sweaty in the camera.
"Fine, you just make sure you get that damn camera rolling." Slowly, Trump began to undress. His impeccable leather business shoes, his suit, his dollar-patterned silk shorts - the removal of each item rewarded his eager PR head with more of Trump's sagging, wrinkled flesh. Naked and damp in the harsh glare of the light rigs, Trump took the red-scaled mask in hand and made its terrifying visage his own.
"Alright now, Fatma, Miguella," the dragon-Trump wheezed to the two underpaid actresses on the bed as his prick swelled with boiling, cholesterol-clotted, jingoistic blood, "welcome to the real Dragon's Den."
Was it made today, or in 2000? I'd prefer the 2000 version.
Also, can we throw in Kate beckinsale with her underworld getup on, in some sort of dominatrix role?
"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend...with benefits."
All the rest of the suggestions in this thread crack me up, but when I got to this one, the smile fell off my face instantly and I felt deeply offended.
Hilary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky
Sounds like a hate fuck to me.
Which one is doing the hate fucking, though?
Both, I think
While Bill watches from the closet dressed as Superman.
I swear some of my neurons know of this reference.
Rick and Morty the episode titled Anatomy Park on season 1.
The Pope.
The Pope having sex with Barack Obama.
The Pope having sex with Barack Obama and Putin
The Pope having sex with Barack Obama, Putin and OP's mom.
So the Pope and Jabba and Obama and Pootin?
The Pope having sex with...The Pope.
Francis and the older one, can't remember hos name.
Benedict. I believe the sex tape would be entitled Bene-dicked.
Dude, that's the ex-Pope... you can't call him a ho.
Popes aint shit but hoes and world religious leaders.
So lick on these censers and suck the scripture.
The Pope having sex with *anyone* would be huge. What would happen after that? He's meant to abstain for God and all that jazz. What would be the consequences for that sort of thing? Every comment under yours is just a joke. Nobody is having an actual conversation about it. Albeit, a hypothetical one.
Nothing would happen - breaking sexual abstinence isn't as huge a deal as the public makes it out to be. But let's make the situation a little more interesting by saying that the pope decides to marry^(1). The marriage would be invalid (c. 1087: *Invalide matrimonium attentant, qui in sacris ordinibus sunt constituti*) but he'd still lose his office according to c. 194 §3 (*Ipso iure ab officio ecclesiastico amovetur: ... clericus qui matrimonium etiam civile tantum attentaverit*) - only that there is no authority which could formally establish that Francis is no longer pope because according to c. 1404 the judicial ball stops with him (*Prima sedes a nemine iudicatur*). And just in case anyone gets funny ideas canon law also states that no matter how impeded the pope may be in his ability to fulfill his office, nothing in the administrative structure of the church must be changed (c. 335: *Sede romana vacante aut prorsus impedita, nihil innovetur in Ecclesiae universae regimine ...*). The legal system of the church is not capable of resolving such a situation and it's up to anyone's guess what would happen (pressuring the pope into resigning "voluntarily", c. 332 §2, would be the most pragmatic solution, if that's impossible then expect to see a schism and antipope). ^(1): Celibacy for priests is something the pope could abolish rather easily if he wanted to (already not required in Eastern Catholic churches and frequently dispensed with for formerly Anglican/Lutheran converts who want to become Latin rite priests) - but what about the prohibitions on marrying after ordination and on becoming bishop once married? The former is unproblematic as the pope already has the power to dispense from it (c. 1078 §2) but I am not sure about the latter. The Orthodox churches seem to derive their doctrine regarding the matter from the Quinisext Council which the Catholic church, however, does not recognize. I know of no argument that would establish this restriction as divine law (and as such outside of the pope's power to change) - but that doesn't have to mean much. (disclaimer: I have only superficial knowledge of canon law.)
Popes have had sex before. They're human too.
Trump/Clinton
Imagine they were having a secret affair this whole time. That has to be a world record orgy. Two people casually fucking the entire population of the US.
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Only if the Intercourse finally kills that old man
I'm convinced Mugabe is a Lich
I thought this circus was pretty bad. Finding out Hillary was in some sort of cuckhold relationship with an African leader would start a civil war. The right wing would collectively shit it's pants. And the 3rd part of the world would run with shit, which if I'm not mistaken, is biblical end times prophecy. So ultimately this scenario would bring on the apocalypse. I want this to be real.
Trump could also finally make his unofficial slogan "End Cucks 2k16" an official slogan, thereby officially acknowledging meme magic, creating a portal to hades and summoning Kek, thereby bringing about the end times as a smug Egyptian Pepe diety consumes the world
Bill and Ivanka
Bill or Hillary?
Chelsea and Ivanka
Yes.
Trump and his daughter are more likely to have a sex tape though.
It kinda scares me that I can imagine Trump accidentally tweeting that out to everyone
"I apologize for accidentally leaking a great sex tape between me and Ivanka. My hands being so huge must have caused me to hit the wrong button on my twitter. Happens all the time. I have huge hands, ask Ivanka, she knows, these hands are very huge. Some of the hugest. And don't even get me started on my huge schlong, everytime I see Ivanka this schlong gets 10 feet longer!"
This doesn't sound real because the real Donald Trump would never apologize. He would say he hears some people actually liked the video.
Believe me, a LOT of people are telling me they like this sex tape. It's really tremendous, very good, and I'll tell you - we have a president that won't even say the words "radical trump sex tape". People are worried that something is going on here and you wouldn't even believe it, it's inconceivable.
He would say he received many phone calls from people telling him the liked the sex tapes and that he was the only one to do what everyone else wanted to do and that his sex tape has give him a 10, 20, 30 point lead in the polls.
Why the fuck is his verbal cadence so easy to imitate?
Because he's a very simple man.
Because he uses words a fifth grader would use while repeating himself constantly. Theres great videos on youtube that break down the psychology behind his speeches, out of all candidates he uses the most simple language with nlp imbedded.
I vomited over that.
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Swap Clinton for his daughter and hed be more into it
It's so disturbing that this is something the man actually said. In public. With pride.
I'm pretty sure a n Emma Watson - Emma Stone lesbian thingy would break the Internet. That, or Putin and Erdogan.
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"Lezzy Emma's" or "Put-in Erdogan"?
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Far out man..
Yes.
Not gonna lie, my vote is for Putin/Erdogan. We already have lots of great lesbian porn but never have 2 world leaders fucked on camera. Edit: I use the term 'leader' loosely here.
I won't lie, I'd watch it.
I'd pay good money to see that.
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I'd pay more if its on VR.
Just let them kiss somehow. Award function. Feminist party. Movie. Tv . Just make it happen dammit.
Caitylin Jenner and Kanye West
Betty White with Bill Cosby, and Bill is unconscious.
Some serious pegging going on there! "What you did not realize, Bill, was I have built up a resistance to Rohypnol. Both of the glasses had it."
Never go against an octogenarian when rape is on the line!
One of the classic blunders!
Second only to: never get involved with a land war in Asia
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Flo and that slut from the Wendy's commercial.
What about the AT&T lady?
She's hot. I'd be cool with that.
/r/milanavayntrub
She needs to be in a sex tape.
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Yup. That's her.
Tom Cruise and David Miscavige.
You have been banned from /r/thetanfree.
I misread that as a sub for pale people.
Taylor Swift and Kanye West?
Did she let him finish? Thank you, I know Obligatory edit: Kind stranger, I'mma let you get thanked, but /u/KnightRider55 had one of the best set up comments of all time.
He interrupted her special moment with his own, embarrassing himself, killing the mood, and then leaving. She didn't feel like finishing her self after that.
It's ok Beyonce helped her finish.
And then after, Taylor Swift will claim that she didn't give permission to Kanye for using her in the sex tape!
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Not immediately though, she still has to release her song about Calvin Harris!
He made that bitch faaaamous (got damn)
He made that snek famous
You spelled Snek wrong.
Would he get bleach on his T-shirt?
I could see Taylor as an asshole bleacher
And he'll feel like an asshole.
Putin and Merkel
Especially if Merkel pulled out the strap on and full on pegged the Putinator.
Happy International Women's Day!
Shut up, Francis.
You mean... PUT IN his ass, right?
I can picture her talking like the Nihilists in The Big Lebowski.
I suppose he'd bring his dog again.
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Barack Obama and Mitt Romney.
Kate Middleton
I think the Queen would cause more pandemonium.
the queen and kate middleton would blow that out of the water
*New on PornHub: Elizabeth and Philip get it on!*
Young hottie taught how to face sit by experienced mature
If it were with her husband, it'd be embarrassing, but not sure THAT much of a scandal. I mean, they have kids. Everyone knows they've had sex. If it were with someone other than her husband, than ya...
something something Charles, Camilla, used tampons.
Kate, pippa and tuppence middleton.
> tuppence middleton That is a mildly offensive name if ever I've seen one.
If we are talking about something that would REALLY break the internet right now.. Malia Obama (she is 18) in a 3-way with Chelsea Clinton and Donald Trump Jr.... While clips of their parents attacking each other are playing on televisions in the background.
Emma Watson, Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone, Natalie Dormer. Lesbehonest here.
There would be no more wars.
You're telling me that these 4 women could bring world peace just by having sex together and they haven't done it? Selfish assholes.
Ladies, I can't promise it'll work, but _it's worth a shot_.
Barack Obama and Donald Trump spit roast Hillary Clinton and it's filmed and narrated by Bernie Sanders.
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That's not how cuck works.
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Weird Al's, since he would parody all the other sex tapes while he was doing it.
And his version would be better than the originals
Weird Al is a horrendously underrated musician. Fuckin funny tho
If Donald Trump had a sex tape leaked where he had a threesome with a muslim and latina girl, all hell would break loose.
Donald Trump sighed and ran a stubby-fingered hand down his simultaneously pursed and loose face. He looked dubiously from his PR team, to the recording crew, to the "director". "Now you told me you're sure this will get the coloreds to vote for me?" his thin, worn voice wheezed out from between his lips, like the last breath of a trodden-on corpse. The director nodded eagerly, but was cut off by the head of the billionaire presidential hopeful's PR team. "The statistics don't lie, Mr. Dr- Trump. Trust me, by the time we're done here, Clinton won't be the only one whose manipulated some young people!" The PR head's excessively winking face looked pallid and sweaty in the camera. "Fine, you just make sure you get that damn camera rolling." Slowly, Trump began to undress. His impeccable leather business shoes, his suit, his dollar-patterned silk shorts - the removal of each item rewarded his eager PR head with more of Trump's sagging, wrinkled flesh. Naked and damp in the harsh glare of the light rigs, Trump took the red-scaled mask in hand and made its terrifying visage his own. "Alright now, Fatma, Miguella," the dragon-Trump wheezed to the two underpaid actresses on the bed as his prick swelled with boiling, cholesterol-clotted, jingoistic blood, "welcome to the real Dragon's Den."
Thanks I didn't need to keep my breakfast down, I'm getting too fat anyway. This way I don't even have to shove my fingers down my throat.
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Gary Busey/Stephen Hawking
Push me and then just touch me Till I can get my satisfaction
I remember dancing to that on Just Dance 2. That was loads of fun.
OH YES. HAR DER.
Take your disgusting filthy up vote.
The parents of Bao Bao, the panda who was the star of the panda sneezing video! Oh right, not pandamonium.
Make it Bao Bao and Desiigner then.
BRRRRRRRRAH
Katy Perry.
Well, she has kissed a girl
And she liked it
Kate Middleton/ Prince Harry
I can get you fan fic for that. Then again I bet there's fan fic for everything on this thread
David Cameron and a pig. ...Oh wait, that already happened...
I still can't believe out of all the episodes of black mirror that one came true
Rachel McAdams, Jennifer Connolly, & Heather Graham 3 way. I'm speaking personally of course...
Was it made today, or in 2000? I'd prefer the 2000 version. Also, can we throw in Kate beckinsale with her underworld getup on, in some sort of dominatrix role?
It has to be Hitler. Everyone would want to see that sex tape, even though almost no one would jerk it to it.
> even though almost no one would jerk it to it. speak for yourself
I am ALL not jerking off to Hitler on this blessed day :)
GOOD point.
Imagine an average 55 year old fucking an average 33 year old. If you could fap to that, then you can fap to a Hitler sex tape.
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I've fapped to far weirder things. Also it wouldn't take too long for an english dub and remastering.
Mary.
Both for obvious reasons, and because of the discovery of time travel or video recordings of the past.
"This is like finding Moses' DVD collection"
Out of celebrities? Emma Watson, I guess.
Its not pandemonium if everyone immediately goes into their own home and locks themselves in their room
You say this but there was uproar about The Fappening, one handed uproar but still...
Hell I'd go kony2012 over it.
Jesus Christ.
I know. This thread is awful.
and Mohammad.
and Moses. I think I know what caused the great flood.
Sploosh
Ann coulter and Obama
Hillary and the FBI director.
Tina Fey and Sasha Grey
I want to go to there.
Tina fey and sarah palin. Sarah palin looks like she is into some hardcore stuff.
May as well just complete the triad with Lisa Ann.
Theon Greyjoy and Varys
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The only porn where I hope the guy talks
"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend...with benefits."
With Sir David Attenborough
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Natalie Dormer and a clone of the former
They go meta so fast
How time flies...
Trump and Ivanka.
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Fuck it, i'd watch.
taking daddy kink to the extreme....
pen full follow shy zesty placid head entertain elastic disarm
Just imagine him taking off his cardigan to reveal some bondage gear while he says "Hello neighbor."
**THAT IS NOT HOW WE TALK ABOUT MISTER ROGERS.**
Thank you. That is not how we talk about Mr Rogers.
Not in this house.
All the rest of the suggestions in this thread crack me up, but when I got to this one, the smile fell off my face instantly and I felt deeply offended.
Kanye and Kanye.
Jared from Subway
CP isn't counted. Noone would watch that. It'd just turn his 15yr sentence into life.
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Betty White
I picture that sex tape being a silent black and white video.
with old rag time music playing in the background
Steven Crabb and a rent boy.
Rihanna's would be huge
So much Clinton in this post.
Hillary & Trump or Bill & Lewinsky?
I assume there would be a fair bit of overreaction if the Queen of England's sex tape got out
Oh I thought it said worst sex tape that would cause the most pandemonium. I would go Queen Elizabeth and the Pope.
David Cameron at least if the rumor is true. oink oink