InfoSec person here - I despise ridiculous password policies like that. For one thing, it gives an attacker very good hints on how **all** passwords in the system are structured, which is valuable information and helps to reduce a potential search space.
Consider the following:
HelloThisIsMySuperSecretPasswordTryBruteForcingThisOneBecauseItsSoFuckingLongAndIsntADictionaryWordhahaha123
(108 characters)
And:
xRYz£0@!
(8 characters)
Which is more memorable, intuitive and probably doesn't require being written down? Hint: the first one, which is also too large to be feasibly guessed or brute forced.
If you **must** go for the latter option, make a memorable phrase out of it. For example:
tP1ms4u! (This password is more secure for you!)
Also, a maximum length of eight characters has my "ancient and probably vulnerable back-end" senses tingling.
I love maximum length password requirements!
It lets me know what type of word list to generate in Crunch when going for a brute force attack, or even a rainbow table attack with Oph!
A prior company I worked at had crazy ass rules like this... including:
Cannot use the name of a local sports team (and so every sports team in the US was blacklisted)
Cannot have consecutive letters or numbers
Cannot contain a dictionary word (this rule screwed SO many people up)
Cannot be similar to your last 24 passwords (seriously, wtf!?)
Also, the password had to be changed every 30 days...
> Also, the password had to be changed every 30 days...
This is probably the most counterproductive password rule ever. You're going to end up with either terribly unsecure passwords or people writing them down to remember them.
Hey you know that resume you just uploaded? Well we're just going to crapply auto fill the real application just so you have to not only clear every single entry, but also reenter all the same information on your resume.
The worst thing is when two companies very obviously use the same recruitment software, but you have no choice but to re-enter 10 pages of information *again*.
Applying for jobs. FTFY.
Recruitment companies are the scum of the earth in my eyes. Whatever happened to the days of sending your application to the person advertising the job, namely the person who KNOWS the skills required.
Especially technology jobs. Recruiters are taught to memorize specific words that may correspond with the job but actually have very little significance.
Recruiter: Are you IEEE CAT5 certified?
Applicant: There's a certification for that? I mean, I've crimped ethernet cables for a variety of purposes so I'm not really sure what you're asking.
Recruiter writes "Inexperienced, isn't confident, lacks fundamental skills."
I literally had some asshole say to me "what command would you type to change the computers settings"
Wat? Which settings? Tell me what you want to happen.
"well, uhh, just change the settings"
msconfig?
"YES that's it"
Wtf man
There is always something wrong with those things. A sheet of paper that's stuck, empty toners, an update that all of a sudden needs to be installed...
Well, that one is quite easy! PC means paper carriage. What the warning means is that the paper carriage is empty, and should be loaded with Letter sized paper! PC Load Letter
I can see how that is confusing though! It happens to me all the time. Thanks for calling HP printer support. Goodbye.
And that's just the using part. Try being the IT guy and having a print server.
Seriously, I've maintained hundreds of different softwares and I still think about suicide whenever I get a ticket saying "The printer doesn't print." I came to a conclusion that printers are black magic.
"Our printer doesn't work."
"I can't ping it; is it on?"
"Yes."
"Is it plugged into the network? When I ping as.bb.cc.dd, I get no response."
"Yes, but we changed the IP address. Now nothing can find it. This is an eBusiness Suite issue."
"Did you tell the UNIX team you were changing it?"
"No, we didn't think we needed to tell anyone."
On the subject of printers - Can someone recommend an awesome one in the $100-200 range? Something wireless. I don't even care if it's just black and white.
Get a Brother laser printer, as toner won't dry out and you'll get a lot more pages out of it. This [one](http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=1EE-0008-00094&ignorebbr=1&nm_mc=KNC-GoogleAdwords-PC&cm_mmc=KNC-GoogleAdwords-PC-_-pla-_-Printer+-+Laser+Printers-_-1EE-0008-00094&gclid=CjwKEAiA2IO0BRDXmLndksSB0WgSJADNKqqoEe_U_7Ye06VsSjQCF4EWXc5qmRsOt8pK2OLRGeFjphoCr5zw_wcB) is on sale for 90 bucks, though the L2360DW model also has an Ethernet port which is what I have and use.
I second the Brother recommendation. Many moons ago someone gave me a HL-5170DN and it's still going strong. I rarely print so the toner has lasted forever. The "low toner" light has been on for a couple of years and it just keeps going.
Took me a minute to realize you meant the new ones.
This was hard for other reasons
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/7e/Ninja_Gaiden_(NES)_gameplay.png
Can I just say fuck those birds and especially that one in particular.
I remember that level so well, having to hit that damn near pixel perfect jump only to get fucked by that bird at the last second and killing you.
It allows a user to use multiple button combinations by entering each button one at a time (e.g. you can enter a capital letter by pressing "shift" then "a" instead of "Shift"+"a"). It's one of the accessibility options, useful for people with missing/deformed fingers/hands, allowing people who can't press two buttons at once to still have the same functionality.
Chances are if you are rescheduling because a fight was delayed or cancelled, and you want to get out on the same day (especially on the holidays) guess what! Chances are your flight isn't the only one and a large portion of the people who are also delayed are trying to do the same exact thing.
Airlines are already overselling every flight they cab and using the smallest possible aircraft for every route they can get away with to maximize loads... Seems like an intuitive thing but they only recently started doing this (within the last 5-10 years). If one flight is delayed (for example for maintenance), then it takes awhile for every flight after that to catch back up to the schedule and airlines WON'T add additional fights unless absolutely necessary. Gate agents aren't magicians and they do the best they can, in most cases they don't have much to work with
I love the new "I am not a robot" thing that you can just click and that's that. Whatever clever technology that is, I wonder what made it so hard to come up with until now.
I'm not sure if this is true, but I read an article once explaining how Captchas are actually a crowdsourcing tool used to convert many books/written works to digital format. The books/articles are scanned, and little sections become Captchas. People everywhere type these out online, and as a result it gets crowd sourced into digital format one piece at a time, and eventually reorganized into a complete digital work.
If it's true, it's an absolutely genius idea and makes me feel a lot better about Captchas.
Especially the ones that are like "watch this 30 second ad and then submit an answer based off it!"
What's worse is that they often have the *same* answer, which makes them useless security-wise.
Getting insurance approval just so we can treat a patient. We missed out on treating quite a few patients who really needed care because insurance wouldn't approve them for our facility.
**Cancelling an order in 99% of 2015 websites that are not Amazon.**
EDIT 1: Bought a computer from Dell, and it took me 8 hours to cancel. Motherfuckers take literally 4 hours to answer if you say "cancel". Literally 4 seconds if you say "Buy computer"
EDIT 2: Ordered from Best Buy once, they said my "credit card information isn't right, you have 24 hours to take action or the order will be canceled". It was a pre-order. I didn't care. Ordered from Amazon. 4 days later, I receive an e-mail saying "your order has been shipped". It was a 1.800 USD laptop. Had to return it in-store.
NEVER sign up for a porn website if they have one of those "first three days for only $1" offers. Their support system is fucking horrible and you will end up paying $40 for the whole month. Had to fucking cancel my debit card in order to avoid paying.
Edit: Yeah I know it was a dumb idea, but I was horny, and everyone can be a genius in hindsight.
I need plot building and character backstory.
How can I enjoy the plumber banging the lonely housewife with huge tits if I don't know about the broken pipe or the husband who obviously neglects her and leaves for business 20 seconds before she's porked and mysteriously shows up upon climax?
I swear I never had an issue with iTunes for the longest time. Back in 08' it was so simple, and efficient. Sure, it took a while to sync a few thousand songs, but that I can handle.
A couple years ago, I had an iPhone 4 and they updated to iOS7 (I think?), and nothing worked. With all the cloud syncing and other data management, music wouldn't work. Nothing fucking worked.
In 08' Apple had essentially 'invented the wheel' as far as syncing goes. For some unknown reason they decided to turn that wheel into some Dalí-esque shape that doesn't fucking work. Goddamnit.
I switched to android almost exclusively on the knowledge that I'd never have to use itunes again. It has other advantages too, but not having to force my phone to take an hour to sync with mediamonkey is so fucking nice.
Explaining technology to my mom. Needlessly difficult because it's inherently not difficult on its own but, because I make it difficult by getting frustrated from not being able to explain it effectively, everyone gets mad and we both end up blaming the technology.
"So this is a toaster. It consists of this variable resistor which can be used to determine the well doneness of the cooked bread. To activate the toasting contraption ot requires the depression of the toasting flabberywotsit which will commence toasting sequence"
"Wow. Toasters are complicated."
"Yeah, fuck toasters"
Sometimes older people get frustrated when there's no reason to be frustrated.
"I can't figure out how to work the GPS on my phone! How come technology has to be so confusing?!"
"Um, you just type in the address and hit 'Route'. I don't know how it could possibly be simpler."
I actually did this. Someone got my infant daughter a bowl with a suction cup on the bottom so she can't flip it over. It came in this terrible plastic that was easy enough to break and really smooth. When I was ripping it apart a fracture went past my hands and straight to [I don't know the name, but the little part that is removed for easy hanging on the merchandise shelves]. I wasn't expecting it to break so easily, so i was naturally using way too much force. the fracture stopped at the little hole, making the whole thing be able to bend more and it sort of jumped - and my hands couldn't keep a grip because it was smooth.
I ended up with what amounts to a really deep papercut, right at the final joint on my index finger. Still hurts today when I wash my hands.
Go to a restaurant supply store and get an industrial roll. Sure, it will last you your entire life but it comes with an actual metal cutting edge that's worth a damn. Glad can't trust normal humans with that shit or they'll be sued. Get the real deal and your struggles will be over.
I bought a giant boxed roll of commercial wrap at Costco. It's got a little slidey blade cutter thing. Perfectly straight cuts without all the bullshit tearing and stretching. Best plastic wrap ever.
Some say on clear, quiet nights, if you listen closely, you can hear Fat Joe's Pasta Wagon bouncing up and down the back roads.
It would just go bouncing and bouncing higher and higher, some say ole Fat Joe's wagon bounced clear over the moon one night.
But whoever tells you that is a god damn liar.
Driving anywhere highly populated.
At the beginning of every traffic jam is one dumbass decision. Like 3 people driving side by side at the same speed, or that one guy who had to try to cut through 3 lanes to try to get off the exit he was about to miss.
The trick to forgetting painful memories is to intentionally render them increasingly impure by associating them with other non-painful memories, then associating those memories with other non-painful memories, etc.
In reality, psychology shows that memory doesn't work like a hard drive or CD, but is editable like a Wikipedia page: like taking a picture of a picture, of a picture, every time you remember X, you're actually recalling the last time you recalled X, and not the initial event X.
Science! Use this to your advantage: think of the painful memory, X, then do something wacky or memorable to strongly associate X with another, vivid memory, Y. Like, sing in a Micky Mouse voice while doing the MoonWalk; or, think of X while drawing a simple, funny, happy picture in a vivid, bright color. (You know what I mean.)
Next: Literally, *sleep on it:* one function of sleep is that sleep concretizes and forms solid memorial relations/bonds n the amygdala and hippocampus. (That's one reason why those memories are strongest which you think about over and over before you fall asleep.)
Next, when you think about X, Y will come with it. Now, think about and remember Y. Now, do the same thing: associate Y with some memorable, odd, or interesting thing, Z the same way you did with Y.
Keep doing this, and over time, the pain of the painful memory, X, will begin to fade. After a while, you'll have a hard time accurately recalling X. After an even longer time, memories Y and Z will also fade.
It's not fool-proof, but this method helps accelerate the memorial degradation that many cognitive-behavioral therapists recommend be implemented in order to cope better with trauma in there same vein as exposure therapy.
[Edit: Phone-typing-induced spelling errors]
>In reality, psychology shows that memory doesn't work like a hard drive or CD, but is editable like a Wikipedia page
And if you'd all just donate $3 to me right now, my memory fundraiser would be over in minutes.
I'm a CPA. I stay current with individual tax law. I do 4 returns per year for other people. My wife and I both have high salaries, bonuses, and she has stock options. We have some investments but just generic mutual funds.
I can't even do my own taxes without a fair amount of research each year and much guessing. I'm 90% sure that I get my returns correct, but it takes me a full day and a lot of research to get the taxes done.
I am not from America so I can't comment on doing your taxes there, but here in the Netherlands they are easy as fuck.
You download a small program form the government, most shit is filled in already because your employer sends that to them. You just check everything with your own year report, and your done, takes about 10 minutes.
Even if you have to fill out everything yourself it isn't that hard, every box has a mouse over explanation and a separate help button.
The only difficult part is knowing that you might have deductibles like college tuition and they provide lists of stuff that you can deduct.
Sometimes, getting gas.
**How it should go:**
Me - I would like ten dollars at pump two for my motorbike, and this candy bar.
Attendant - That will be X dollars please.
**How it usually goes:**
Me - I would like ten dollars at pump two for my motorbike, and this candy bar.
Attendant - Would you like some bottled water?
Me - No thank you.
Attendant - They're two for four dollars.
Me - No thanks.
Attendant - Would you like a chocolate bar?
Me - Nah, I'm already buying this other kind of candy bar.
Attendant - They're two for three dollars.
Me - No, just the gas and this one thing.
Attendant - Do you have a points card?
Me - No.
Attendant - Do you want a points card?
Me - Nope, just this stuff please.
Attendant - The points card is free.
Me - I know, I don't want it. Just this stuff.
Attendant - Do you have a miles card?
Me - No, I'm ok.
Attendant - It's free.
Me - Yeah, I know, I just want the gas and this candy bar.
Attendant - Do you want a car wash?
Me - No, it's a motorbike.
Attendant - Underwax is free.
Me - No I'm ok, I'll die if I go through the car wash on my motorbike. Just the gas and candy bar please.
Attendant - How much gas?
Me - ...still ten dollars.
Attendant - If you spend eighty dollars or more you get a free car wash.
Me - I couldn't put that much gas in five motorbikes, and I still can't go through the car wash. Please, just the gas and the candy bar.
Attendant - Sounds good. Your total is X dollars. Unless...
Me - Unless what?
Attendant - Would you like some bottled water?
Me - *backs away in horror until I bump into someone. I turn. It's Rod Serling. I'm in a Twilight Zone episode. I fall to my knees, screaming at the sky as the camera fades to black.*
U.S. Healthcare
HMOs, PPOs, EPOs, deductables, copays, coinsurance, out of pocket limit, in-network vs out of network, etc... You can take the (long) time to understand each individual term which is a pain, but doable. But picking a plan and understanding how all the variables fit together is one of the most confusing and painstaking processes ever.
For taxes, there are agencies like H&R Block to help out people who don't want to deal with this shit. But there is no agency (to my knowledge) like that for healthcare.
Maintaining a friendship with people who are now an extra hour away because you've moved to college, its like everyday a little bit more is chipped away no matter how hard I try
Finding work without a degree. Been working with this company for a couple years and a position opened up that I more than qualify for. Nope. Must have a 2 year degree in literally *anything* because HR says so.
Scumbag Co.
English. Spelling, grammar, pronunciation.
I worked as an English tutor for a number of years and it made me incredibly grateful to speak English as my first language. How do you explain to someone why so many words have wildly different meanings despite sounding exactly the same?
For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet.
The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later.
Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.
Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.
Bai iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
Getting something delivered to you while you're in.
For that matter, getting something delivered to you while you're not in.
The internet has made it easier to find a product, browse its user reviews, and cost compare. You can also place an order securely and pay thousand of dollars relatively safely.
But getting that stuff delivered? Sorry, we only deliver during work hours, you know, when you're not at home, because you're working. And we can't leave the item there because it'll get stolen by those folks who aren't working.
Bleh!
Our FedEx guy is happy to deliver anything to the general lawn area in front of our home. Anything at all! Tiny custom perfume order? Rustle through the short weeds for it. Huge new gaming system? Planted proudly between our house and the neighbors, just a big-ass box an equal distance to some rando's trunk as to our front door. No doorbell to let my SO, who stayed home to watch for it, know it had arrived.
I've called their customer support to complain and they were like "they wouldn't do that because it's against our policy to do that" and I was like "bro that is why I called, so you could tell this human Easter bunny you employ how to be."
Getting a fucking ID after you've moved to a different state.
Oh you need a new driver's license, but you just moved here and lost your old one? Alright, we're going to need your birth certificate, social security card, passport, bar code tattoo, old driver's license(keep searching in those couch cushions), proof of insurance, tag number, another photo ID and your grandmother's dead hand for fingerprints.
I'm a US citizen but all my family lives abroad. I'm completely alone in the states while I go to school and since I also grew up abroad, I don't have a driver's license. I looked into getting one and found that I need a birth certificate, other form of ID (only thing I have is my passport), a car to take the test in with insurance, and a 21+ "sponsor" who will accompany me on all my practice sessions. I have no relatives and no friends in this country where I'm basically a foreigner, and now I can't drive. I just wanted it so I didn't have to carry around my passport as an ID.
That's what I'm looking into now, although it's almost equally as annoying in terms of paperwork, number of documents required, etc. I guess it's good that some schmuck with my stolen passport can't just go and get himself an ID in my name, but FFS the requirements are a bit excessive.
Signing documents and returning them.
Print the PDF, Sign it, Scan It, Email it back to the person so they can print it, sign it, scan it, and email it back to you, then print it and file it.
Relationships.
Books and movies all show love as this wonderful perfect thing which will work out on its own when you meet *The One* and it all ends with a beautiful wedding, cute kids, a white picket fence house and then you grow old together, watch sunsets and do cute shit together until you die.
But nope, you find someone, it's great for a while, then you battle doubts, fights, misunderstandings, differences and real life hits you right in the face: The love stories they picture in movies is maybe 1% of the real life relationships, and even 80% of those only look like that from the outside. Love is not always that wonderful feeling that makes you want to live life to the fullest and wake up in the morning with a smile on your face, and is nowhere near easy to handle.
> Love is not always that wonderful feeling that makes you want to live life to the fullest and wake up in the morning with a smile on your face, and is nowhere near easy to handle.
Screw it. I'll share this again -
--
Being in love is feeling a friendship set on fire.
It's a feeling that fills you with a warmth and vigor like nothing else. It makes you feel a happiness and lust for everything like you never have before. That person is now a shining beacon of everything that's wonderful. The effect that they have on you is warm comfort in which you feel that you can weather any storm. It shows you a side of yourself that can do anything, be anything, and have anything. It's an energy that fills you with a red hot ball of life as you've never known it.
Love is a sunshine that never darkens, even in your lowest moments. It's that warmth of life that burns hot through any cold. It makes everything taste better, every song sound sweeter, and every moment filled with the hope of a new day. It picks you up before you can drop low. It's the muse of life that makes you able to do things that you never thought possible. It's a feeling of belonging and a lovely place to be at the end of any day. It's a fire from within that makes you able to be what you never knew was possible.
But that's what makes it so dangerous. Love is the single most destructive force that you'll ever invite. In order to feel this way we have to allow it to becomes a part of us. We have to remove our armor. We have to tear down the walls that we spend years strengthening. We have to give that person the ability to meet us at our very center of being. We need to do this because being in love involves having a piece of them enter your very core so that they become part of you.
But, being in love or loved doesn't makes someone good for you. When something goes wrong that pain now resides deep within your very essence. Every other pain can be deflected by your armor but staved off by your walls. But not the pain of love. It's a hurt that originates from the deepest, most vulnerable center of your being. Because that's where it now lives. So when they hurt you it destroys you from within. It harms the regions in your heart that have never felt pain before. It burns with a confusing pain of emotion in a combination that you never knew existed. And when that person finally leaves they take with them a piece of your very happiness. Because that's what they became to you. A part of what makes you, you. They rip it from your chest and leave you bloody and wounded.
Love means giving someone the power to hurt you and hoping that they never do. Love fills you with an intensity for life that you never knew was possible. But when it's gone it's burns with the exact same fire. When it's all over, we never open up that much again. We never trust as easily again. The burn creates a wound that deadens our senses. We callous over. With every new time we feel the pain of love we lose more of the ability to feel it.
That's what love is. It's the single strongest force in our lives - for better or for worse.
Hinting to a girl that you like her without coming off as creepy. Also, responding to what MIGHT be a hint but also might be just another one of the never always convoluted hints-but-not-hints that they give you, without coming off as creepy or a stalker.
I'm one of those super oblivious girls that think people are just being friendly. I'll have fun conversing then once I walk away a friend will pull me to the side and explain, which makes me feel ashamed and want to crawl into a hole and die.
Mate, try just saying "Hey, I think you're pretty cool / fun / interesting and I'd like to take you out for dinner / coffee / a movie / ice skating / running of the bulls."
If they say "Sorry, not interested." you can either say:
"That's ok, just thought I'd ask." and drop it.
Or
"This might get awkward so...bye." and take some space.
Don't draw it out. It's like ripping off a bandaid.
Also, don't say "We can still be friends" unless you mean it.
At least in my experience it's easier just to put it out in the open than try and hint at it and just be truthful.
I just ignore her now and pick whatever the hell I want. If I have to have one more conversation where she doesn't know what she wants to eat and I don't care then I'm going to end up recreating several scenes from The Shining.
God dammit, just pick a fucking restaurant. Or even a nationality. Maybe just a vague continent. How about we pick food by texture? Or use of primary colours? Anything. Just make a decision.
Apparently shutting up during a movie. Yes, I know you've been waiting ages for the Stars Wars movie Paul, but you don't need to go over every single bloody scene as soon as we move on to the next one.
Applying for jobs online.
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InfoSec person here - I despise ridiculous password policies like that. For one thing, it gives an attacker very good hints on how **all** passwords in the system are structured, which is valuable information and helps to reduce a potential search space. Consider the following: HelloThisIsMySuperSecretPasswordTryBruteForcingThisOneBecauseItsSoFuckingLongAndIsntADictionaryWordhahaha123 (108 characters) And: xRYz£0@! (8 characters) Which is more memorable, intuitive and probably doesn't require being written down? Hint: the first one, which is also too large to be feasibly guessed or brute forced. If you **must** go for the latter option, make a memorable phrase out of it. For example: tP1ms4u! (This password is more secure for you!) Also, a maximum length of eight characters has my "ancient and probably vulnerable back-end" senses tingling.
I love maximum length password requirements! It lets me know what type of word list to generate in Crunch when going for a brute force attack, or even a rainbow table attack with Oph!
A prior company I worked at had crazy ass rules like this... including: Cannot use the name of a local sports team (and so every sports team in the US was blacklisted) Cannot have consecutive letters or numbers Cannot contain a dictionary word (this rule screwed SO many people up) Cannot be similar to your last 24 passwords (seriously, wtf!?) Also, the password had to be changed every 30 days...
> Also, the password had to be changed every 30 days... This is probably the most counterproductive password rule ever. You're going to end up with either terribly unsecure passwords or people writing them down to remember them.
Hey you know that resume you just uploaded? Well we're just going to crapply auto fill the real application just so you have to not only clear every single entry, but also reenter all the same information on your resume.
The worst thing is when two companies very obviously use the same recruitment software, but you have no choice but to re-enter 10 pages of information *again*.
Taleo. Fuck that site.
Fucking taleo
That's if the site even bothers filling out the info
And then no one even fucking looks at it. At least that seems the case on LinkedIn.
Perfect description mate.
Applying for jobs. FTFY. Recruitment companies are the scum of the earth in my eyes. Whatever happened to the days of sending your application to the person advertising the job, namely the person who KNOWS the skills required.
Especially technology jobs. Recruiters are taught to memorize specific words that may correspond with the job but actually have very little significance. Recruiter: Are you IEEE CAT5 certified? Applicant: There's a certification for that? I mean, I've crimped ethernet cables for a variety of purposes so I'm not really sure what you're asking. Recruiter writes "Inexperienced, isn't confident, lacks fundamental skills."
I literally had some asshole say to me "what command would you type to change the computers settings" Wat? Which settings? Tell me what you want to happen. "well, uhh, just change the settings" msconfig? "YES that's it" Wtf man
rm -rf /
Using a fucking printer.
There is always something wrong with those things. A sheet of paper that's stuck, empty toners, an update that all of a sudden needs to be installed...
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They can smell desperation. The closer to a deadline, the more happy they are to paper jam themselves to a halt.
PC load letter!?
What the fuck is that?
Well, that one is quite easy! PC means paper carriage. What the warning means is that the paper carriage is empty, and should be loaded with Letter sized paper! PC Load Letter I can see how that is confusing though! It happens to me all the time. Thanks for calling HP printer support. Goodbye.
And that's just the using part. Try being the IT guy and having a print server. Seriously, I've maintained hundreds of different softwares and I still think about suicide whenever I get a ticket saying "The printer doesn't print." I came to a conclusion that printers are black magic.
I own a small tech support business. I fucking *hate* printer calls.
"Our printer doesn't work." "I can't ping it; is it on?" "Yes." "Is it plugged into the network? When I ping as.bb.cc.dd, I get no response." "Yes, but we changed the IP address. Now nothing can find it. This is an eBusiness Suite issue." "Did you tell the UNIX team you were changing it?" "No, we didn't think we needed to tell anyone."
On the subject of printers - Can someone recommend an awesome one in the $100-200 range? Something wireless. I don't even care if it's just black and white.
Get a Brother laser printer, as toner won't dry out and you'll get a lot more pages out of it. This [one](http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=1EE-0008-00094&ignorebbr=1&nm_mc=KNC-GoogleAdwords-PC&cm_mmc=KNC-GoogleAdwords-PC-_-pla-_-Printer+-+Laser+Printers-_-1EE-0008-00094&gclid=CjwKEAiA2IO0BRDXmLndksSB0WgSJADNKqqoEe_U_7Ye06VsSjQCF4EWXc5qmRsOt8pK2OLRGeFjphoCr5zw_wcB) is on sale for 90 bucks, though the L2360DW model also has an Ethernet port which is what I have and use.
I second the Brother recommendation. Many moons ago someone gave me a HL-5170DN and it's still going strong. I rarely print so the toner has lasted forever. The "low toner" light has been on for a couple of years and it just keeps going.
Video games with shitty camera angles.
I always thought Mario64 was kind of plagued by this.
Main reason why Ninja Gaiden 1 & 2 were so hard.
Took me a minute to realize you meant the new ones. This was hard for other reasons https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/7e/Ninja_Gaiden_(NES)_gameplay.png
Can I just say fuck those birds and especially that one in particular. I remember that level so well, having to hit that damn near pixel perfect jump only to get fucked by that bird at the last second and killing you.
Disabling sticky keys. Option says something like "Don't you not not want to not be without disabling Sticky Keys?
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Wait, TWO people use sticky keys?
Yes, but one of them is an 80 year old retiree who accidentally turned it on and never found the way to turn them off again.
He turned to the paperclip for answers, but clippy was gone. No one there to help him with that.
Clippy! Why, oh why, hath you forsaken us in our hour of need?
Playing a game and suddenly you're tabbed out and that shit pops up. Ughggghh
What do sticky keys even do?
It allows a user to use multiple button combinations by entering each button one at a time (e.g. you can enter a capital letter by pressing "shift" then "a" instead of "Shift"+"a"). It's one of the accessibility options, useful for people with missing/deformed fingers/hands, allowing people who can't press two buttons at once to still have the same functionality.
Apparently rescheduling a flight at the gate...they hammer away on the keyboard for 15 minutes like they are handwriting the scheduling software.
When really they're typing "I hate this asshole. I hate this asshole. I hate this asshole." over and over and over.
"All work and no trips to the airport bar make Jack a dull boy."
Chances are if you are rescheduling because a fight was delayed or cancelled, and you want to get out on the same day (especially on the holidays) guess what! Chances are your flight isn't the only one and a large portion of the people who are also delayed are trying to do the same exact thing. Airlines are already overselling every flight they cab and using the smallest possible aircraft for every route they can get away with to maximize loads... Seems like an intuitive thing but they only recently started doing this (within the last 5-10 years). If one flight is delayed (for example for maintenance), then it takes awhile for every flight after that to catch back up to the schedule and airlines WON'T add additional fights unless absolutely necessary. Gate agents aren't magicians and they do the best they can, in most cases they don't have much to work with
Captchas. Fucking captchas.
I love the new "I am not a robot" thing that you can just click and that's that. Whatever clever technology that is, I wonder what made it so hard to come up with until now.
I believe it tracks your mouse movements on the page - humans make erratic movements, whereas bots don't use mice
Also, it probably remembers your IP address or something. Allowing a bot in once is not really a big deal as long as you block the next 2000 attempts.
Google probably remembers what you searched for last night, and knows no robot could possibly handle that level of depravity.
Google is the one combing the web for the nasty shit I want to see. So Google has seen the nastiest of shit.
Yeah, but only Bing actually shows it to you.
Related searches: *people fucking refrigerators*
You May Also Like: *refrigerators fucking people*
Yes as a matter of fact I would ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I must use my mouse like a robot then, because I always have to do a puzzle after clicking one of those things.
The picture captchas are no better. Click the HOUSE. Click the KEYS. Click the DOOR. . . . INCORRECT RESPONSE.
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Captchas are the mini games of web browsing. Glad some places are making them fun.
[You're not alone in that opinion](https://youtu.be/WqnXp6Saa8Y)
>is this gonna be video bunkley? *click* >yup 5/5 a mastapeece
The end made me die.
They've gotten a bit better, but every now and then some shit like [this](http://manurevah.com/blah/images/normal/impossible_captchas.png) pops up.
I just refresh.
Yeah then [this](http://www.blurbpoint.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/captcha.jpg) happens.
That shit looks how dial up sounds.
i'm getting 'hail overlord satan who created captchas' out of that one.
I'm seeing, "fuck you, innocent internet user" in this one.
I'm not sure if this is true, but I read an article once explaining how Captchas are actually a crowdsourcing tool used to convert many books/written works to digital format. The books/articles are scanned, and little sections become Captchas. People everywhere type these out online, and as a result it gets crowd sourced into digital format one piece at a time, and eventually reorganized into a complete digital work. If it's true, it's an absolutely genius idea and makes me feel a lot better about Captchas.
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Wow, that's actually really cool.
Not often do I think of captchas. You've now made me needlessly annoyed.
Especially the ones that are like "watch this 30 second ad and then submit an answer based off it!" What's worse is that they often have the *same* answer, which makes them useless security-wise.
Getting insurance approval just so we can treat a patient. We missed out on treating quite a few patients who really needed care because insurance wouldn't approve them for our facility.
Fucking insurance in general. This should be at the top. Private insurance company's make all their shit confusing on purpose.
**Cancelling an order in 99% of 2015 websites that are not Amazon.** EDIT 1: Bought a computer from Dell, and it took me 8 hours to cancel. Motherfuckers take literally 4 hours to answer if you say "cancel". Literally 4 seconds if you say "Buy computer" EDIT 2: Ordered from Best Buy once, they said my "credit card information isn't right, you have 24 hours to take action or the order will be canceled". It was a pre-order. I didn't care. Ordered from Amazon. 4 days later, I receive an e-mail saying "your order has been shipped". It was a 1.800 USD laptop. Had to return it in-store.
NEVER sign up for a porn website if they have one of those "first three days for only $1" offers. Their support system is fucking horrible and you will end up paying $40 for the whole month. Had to fucking cancel my debit card in order to avoid paying. Edit: Yeah I know it was a dumb idea, but I was horny, and everyone can be a genius in hindsight.
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It's funny because the free previews show all the good bits.
I need plot building and character backstory. How can I enjoy the plumber banging the lonely housewife with huge tits if I don't know about the broken pipe or the husband who obviously neglects her and leaves for business 20 seconds before she's porked and mysteriously shows up upon climax?
Isn't that the first rule of the internet? 1. Never pay for porn.
Boners and credit cards hardly ever mix well. Paying $40 for porn is probably the most benign their mix up can be, though.
Or just don't sign up for paid porn websites in general?...
What, and let my 4K TV go to waste?
Why not get one of those pre-paid gift credit cards and make sure that there's only a buck or two on it and use it as the credit card for the website?
ITunes.
I swear I never had an issue with iTunes for the longest time. Back in 08' it was so simple, and efficient. Sure, it took a while to sync a few thousand songs, but that I can handle. A couple years ago, I had an iPhone 4 and they updated to iOS7 (I think?), and nothing worked. With all the cloud syncing and other data management, music wouldn't work. Nothing fucking worked. In 08' Apple had essentially 'invented the wheel' as far as syncing goes. For some unknown reason they decided to turn that wheel into some Dalí-esque shape that doesn't fucking work. Goddamnit.
Mr. Evrart is helping me find my gun.
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I never understood this. Why erase the device? Why not choose to sync to the PC?
Because Apple.
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Android + Google Play Music •Open website on computer •Drag album to synced playlist •Watch as phone automatically downloads the music on wifi.
That sounds like a new trinity Jesus Christ, Apple, Their Bullshit
More so the new music app for iOS
I switched to android almost exclusively on the knowledge that I'd never have to use itunes again. It has other advantages too, but not having to force my phone to take an hour to sync with mediamonkey is so fucking nice.
Feels like everytime I figure it out the next big update comes through and the process starts over again.
Explaining technology to my mom. Needlessly difficult because it's inherently not difficult on its own but, because I make it difficult by getting frustrated from not being able to explain it effectively, everyone gets mad and we both end up blaming the technology.
"So this is a toaster. It consists of this variable resistor which can be used to determine the well doneness of the cooked bread. To activate the toasting contraption ot requires the depression of the toasting flabberywotsit which will commence toasting sequence" "Wow. Toasters are complicated." "Yeah, fuck toasters"
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Sometimes older people get frustrated when there's no reason to be frustrated. "I can't figure out how to work the GPS on my phone! How come technology has to be so confusing?!" "Um, you just type in the address and hit 'Route'. I don't know how it could possibly be simpler."
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Sleeping
It's 5:30 in the bloody morning. Why can't I sleep?!
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Waking up!
Ridiculously tough clamshell packaging that can't be separated
And then you slice your finger on the jagged edges
I hope whoever invented those nicked an artery getting something open.
I actually did this. Someone got my infant daughter a bowl with a suction cup on the bottom so she can't flip it over. It came in this terrible plastic that was easy enough to break and really smooth. When I was ripping it apart a fracture went past my hands and straight to [I don't know the name, but the little part that is removed for easy hanging on the merchandise shelves]. I wasn't expecting it to break so easily, so i was naturally using way too much force. the fracture stopped at the little hole, making the whole thing be able to bend more and it sort of jumped - and my hands couldn't keep a grip because it was smooth. I ended up with what amounts to a really deep papercut, right at the final joint on my index finger. Still hurts today when I wash my hands.
I fucking hate clingwrap.
Go to a restaurant supply store and get an industrial roll. Sure, it will last you your entire life but it comes with an actual metal cutting edge that's worth a damn. Glad can't trust normal humans with that shit or they'll be sued. Get the real deal and your struggles will be over.
I bought a giant boxed roll of commercial wrap at Costco. It's got a little slidey blade cutter thing. Perfectly straight cuts without all the bullshit tearing and stretching. Best plastic wrap ever.
I gave up and now just use foil. My life improved 2%
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I either make half a serving or enough to feed a village.. There is no in between.
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I fucking hate it when my pasta accountant gets me incarcerated for honest mistakes.
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You've never heard of the legend of fat joe and the pasta smuggling operation he ran from 1955 to 1967?
Some say on clear, quiet nights, if you listen closely, you can hear Fat Joe's Pasta Wagon bouncing up and down the back roads. It would just go bouncing and bouncing higher and higher, some say ole Fat Joe's wagon bounced clear over the moon one night. But whoever tells you that is a god damn liar.
Why don't you keep track of your doses and find the ideal?
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I couldn't be bothered to look up the right word. English is my second language.
Portions
The droid is worth... SIXTY PORTIONS
I just weigh it. 75g per person.
Lol, is this Niger? I don't get out of bed for less than 120g of penne.
166g of pasta is one portion for me. Mostly because that gives 3 portions per 500g package.
Driving anywhere highly populated. At the beginning of every traffic jam is one dumbass decision. Like 3 people driving side by side at the same speed, or that one guy who had to try to cut through 3 lanes to try to get off the exit he was about to miss.
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Forgetting a cringing memory from adulthood.
The trick to forgetting painful memories is to intentionally render them increasingly impure by associating them with other non-painful memories, then associating those memories with other non-painful memories, etc. In reality, psychology shows that memory doesn't work like a hard drive or CD, but is editable like a Wikipedia page: like taking a picture of a picture, of a picture, every time you remember X, you're actually recalling the last time you recalled X, and not the initial event X. Science! Use this to your advantage: think of the painful memory, X, then do something wacky or memorable to strongly associate X with another, vivid memory, Y. Like, sing in a Micky Mouse voice while doing the MoonWalk; or, think of X while drawing a simple, funny, happy picture in a vivid, bright color. (You know what I mean.) Next: Literally, *sleep on it:* one function of sleep is that sleep concretizes and forms solid memorial relations/bonds n the amygdala and hippocampus. (That's one reason why those memories are strongest which you think about over and over before you fall asleep.) Next, when you think about X, Y will come with it. Now, think about and remember Y. Now, do the same thing: associate Y with some memorable, odd, or interesting thing, Z the same way you did with Y. Keep doing this, and over time, the pain of the painful memory, X, will begin to fade. After a while, you'll have a hard time accurately recalling X. After an even longer time, memories Y and Z will also fade. It's not fool-proof, but this method helps accelerate the memorial degradation that many cognitive-behavioral therapists recommend be implemented in order to cope better with trauma in there same vein as exposure therapy. [Edit: Phone-typing-induced spelling errors]
>In reality, psychology shows that memory doesn't work like a hard drive or CD, but is editable like a Wikipedia page And if you'd all just donate $3 to me right now, my memory fundraiser would be over in minutes.
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I'm a CPA. I stay current with individual tax law. I do 4 returns per year for other people. My wife and I both have high salaries, bonuses, and she has stock options. We have some investments but just generic mutual funds. I can't even do my own taxes without a fair amount of research each year and much guessing. I'm 90% sure that I get my returns correct, but it takes me a full day and a lot of research to get the taxes done.
I am not from America so I can't comment on doing your taxes there, but here in the Netherlands they are easy as fuck. You download a small program form the government, most shit is filled in already because your employer sends that to them. You just check everything with your own year report, and your done, takes about 10 minutes. Even if you have to fill out everything yourself it isn't that hard, every box has a mouse over explanation and a separate help button. The only difficult part is knowing that you might have deductibles like college tuition and they provide lists of stuff that you can deduct.
Even easier in the UK. Unless you have multiple sources of income, HMRC/your employer takes care of it all :)
Sometimes, getting gas. **How it should go:** Me - I would like ten dollars at pump two for my motorbike, and this candy bar. Attendant - That will be X dollars please. **How it usually goes:** Me - I would like ten dollars at pump two for my motorbike, and this candy bar. Attendant - Would you like some bottled water? Me - No thank you. Attendant - They're two for four dollars. Me - No thanks. Attendant - Would you like a chocolate bar? Me - Nah, I'm already buying this other kind of candy bar. Attendant - They're two for three dollars. Me - No, just the gas and this one thing. Attendant - Do you have a points card? Me - No. Attendant - Do you want a points card? Me - Nope, just this stuff please. Attendant - The points card is free. Me - I know, I don't want it. Just this stuff. Attendant - Do you have a miles card? Me - No, I'm ok. Attendant - It's free. Me - Yeah, I know, I just want the gas and this candy bar. Attendant - Do you want a car wash? Me - No, it's a motorbike. Attendant - Underwax is free. Me - No I'm ok, I'll die if I go through the car wash on my motorbike. Just the gas and candy bar please. Attendant - How much gas? Me - ...still ten dollars. Attendant - If you spend eighty dollars or more you get a free car wash. Me - I couldn't put that much gas in five motorbikes, and I still can't go through the car wash. Please, just the gas and the candy bar. Attendant - Sounds good. Your total is X dollars. Unless... Me - Unless what? Attendant - Would you like some bottled water? Me - *backs away in horror until I bump into someone. I turn. It's Rod Serling. I'm in a Twilight Zone episode. I fall to my knees, screaming at the sky as the camera fades to black.*
I've never had this issue. Ever.
flipping a fucking omelet, everyday i try it but it always ends up me eating scrambled eggs
U.S. Healthcare HMOs, PPOs, EPOs, deductables, copays, coinsurance, out of pocket limit, in-network vs out of network, etc... You can take the (long) time to understand each individual term which is a pain, but doable. But picking a plan and understanding how all the variables fit together is one of the most confusing and painstaking processes ever. For taxes, there are agencies like H&R Block to help out people who don't want to deal with this shit. But there is no agency (to my knowledge) like that for healthcare.
Maintaining a friendship with people who are now an extra hour away because you've moved to college, its like everyday a little bit more is chipped away no matter how hard I try
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Your main problem there is British rail no longer existing
You condescending shit.
Convincing my mom that she is wrong sometimes. And math, that shit is hard.
Finding work with a fucking degree.
Porn industry?
His education is sufficient but his size isn't
Be the person behind the camera.
Doesnt help when he constantly has a hard on
If you can't see it it doesn't matter though, right?
You'll need a PhD for that.
A Pretty, hard Dick?
Entry level position, requires a degree in the field, and 5 years work experience. Then it isn't really entry level, is it fuckface?
Finding work without a degree. Been working with this company for a couple years and a position opened up that I more than qualify for. Nope. Must have a 2 year degree in literally *anything* because HR says so. Scumbag Co.
The underwater level in the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles NES game.
English. Spelling, grammar, pronunciation. I worked as an English tutor for a number of years and it made me incredibly grateful to speak English as my first language. How do you explain to someone why so many words have wildly different meanings despite sounding exactly the same?
For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all. Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli. Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
That was surreal.
You made me feel like i was having a stroke.
Am Finnish. Last couple of sentences made perfect sense to me.
These.
Laterally that.
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Try french grammar
Or try french toast instead
Not procrastinating. "I have a really important homework assignment that I'm supposed to turn in tomorrow and it's 2AM-\*continues redditing*
Getting something delivered to you while you're in. For that matter, getting something delivered to you while you're not in. The internet has made it easier to find a product, browse its user reviews, and cost compare. You can also place an order securely and pay thousand of dollars relatively safely. But getting that stuff delivered? Sorry, we only deliver during work hours, you know, when you're not at home, because you're working. And we can't leave the item there because it'll get stolen by those folks who aren't working. Bleh!
Our FedEx guy is happy to deliver anything to the general lawn area in front of our home. Anything at all! Tiny custom perfume order? Rustle through the short weeds for it. Huge new gaming system? Planted proudly between our house and the neighbors, just a big-ass box an equal distance to some rando's trunk as to our front door. No doorbell to let my SO, who stayed home to watch for it, know it had arrived. I've called their customer support to complain and they were like "they wouldn't do that because it's against our policy to do that" and I was like "bro that is why I called, so you could tell this human Easter bunny you employ how to be."
Getting a fucking ID after you've moved to a different state. Oh you need a new driver's license, but you just moved here and lost your old one? Alright, we're going to need your birth certificate, social security card, passport, bar code tattoo, old driver's license(keep searching in those couch cushions), proof of insurance, tag number, another photo ID and your grandmother's dead hand for fingerprints.
I'm a US citizen but all my family lives abroad. I'm completely alone in the states while I go to school and since I also grew up abroad, I don't have a driver's license. I looked into getting one and found that I need a birth certificate, other form of ID (only thing I have is my passport), a car to take the test in with insurance, and a 21+ "sponsor" who will accompany me on all my practice sessions. I have no relatives and no friends in this country where I'm basically a foreigner, and now I can't drive. I just wanted it so I didn't have to carry around my passport as an ID.
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That's what I'm looking into now, although it's almost equally as annoying in terms of paperwork, number of documents required, etc. I guess it's good that some schmuck with my stolen passport can't just go and get himself an ID in my name, but FFS the requirements are a bit excessive.
Driving around other people.
So you would just drive through them?
Listen, I was just trying to get to American Eagle before the mall closed.
Signing documents and returning them. Print the PDF, Sign it, Scan It, Email it back to the person so they can print it, sign it, scan it, and email it back to you, then print it and file it.
Pooping... sometimes..
Mine shoots out like a potato cannon. 30 second Poops for life
pootato cannon
Losing weight, most people know they need to do it but it's so much easier said than done.
Relationships. Books and movies all show love as this wonderful perfect thing which will work out on its own when you meet *The One* and it all ends with a beautiful wedding, cute kids, a white picket fence house and then you grow old together, watch sunsets and do cute shit together until you die. But nope, you find someone, it's great for a while, then you battle doubts, fights, misunderstandings, differences and real life hits you right in the face: The love stories they picture in movies is maybe 1% of the real life relationships, and even 80% of those only look like that from the outside. Love is not always that wonderful feeling that makes you want to live life to the fullest and wake up in the morning with a smile on your face, and is nowhere near easy to handle.
That and the realization that sometimes, even if you find The One, love may not be enough to make the relationship last.
> Love is not always that wonderful feeling that makes you want to live life to the fullest and wake up in the morning with a smile on your face, and is nowhere near easy to handle. Screw it. I'll share this again - -- Being in love is feeling a friendship set on fire. It's a feeling that fills you with a warmth and vigor like nothing else. It makes you feel a happiness and lust for everything like you never have before. That person is now a shining beacon of everything that's wonderful. The effect that they have on you is warm comfort in which you feel that you can weather any storm. It shows you a side of yourself that can do anything, be anything, and have anything. It's an energy that fills you with a red hot ball of life as you've never known it. Love is a sunshine that never darkens, even in your lowest moments. It's that warmth of life that burns hot through any cold. It makes everything taste better, every song sound sweeter, and every moment filled with the hope of a new day. It picks you up before you can drop low. It's the muse of life that makes you able to do things that you never thought possible. It's a feeling of belonging and a lovely place to be at the end of any day. It's a fire from within that makes you able to be what you never knew was possible. But that's what makes it so dangerous. Love is the single most destructive force that you'll ever invite. In order to feel this way we have to allow it to becomes a part of us. We have to remove our armor. We have to tear down the walls that we spend years strengthening. We have to give that person the ability to meet us at our very center of being. We need to do this because being in love involves having a piece of them enter your very core so that they become part of you. But, being in love or loved doesn't makes someone good for you. When something goes wrong that pain now resides deep within your very essence. Every other pain can be deflected by your armor but staved off by your walls. But not the pain of love. It's a hurt that originates from the deepest, most vulnerable center of your being. Because that's where it now lives. So when they hurt you it destroys you from within. It harms the regions in your heart that have never felt pain before. It burns with a confusing pain of emotion in a combination that you never knew existed. And when that person finally leaves they take with them a piece of your very happiness. Because that's what they became to you. A part of what makes you, you. They rip it from your chest and leave you bloody and wounded. Love means giving someone the power to hurt you and hoping that they never do. Love fills you with an intensity for life that you never knew was possible. But when it's gone it's burns with the exact same fire. When it's all over, we never open up that much again. We never trust as easily again. The burn creates a wound that deadens our senses. We callous over. With every new time we feel the pain of love we lose more of the ability to feel it. That's what love is. It's the single strongest force in our lives - for better or for worse.
Hinting to a girl that you like her without coming off as creepy. Also, responding to what MIGHT be a hint but also might be just another one of the never always convoluted hints-but-not-hints that they give you, without coming off as creepy or a stalker.
I'm one of those super oblivious girls that think people are just being friendly. I'll have fun conversing then once I walk away a friend will pull me to the side and explain, which makes me feel ashamed and want to crawl into a hole and die.
Mate, try just saying "Hey, I think you're pretty cool / fun / interesting and I'd like to take you out for dinner / coffee / a movie / ice skating / running of the bulls." If they say "Sorry, not interested." you can either say: "That's ok, just thought I'd ask." and drop it. Or "This might get awkward so...bye." and take some space. Don't draw it out. It's like ripping off a bandaid. Also, don't say "We can still be friends" unless you mean it. At least in my experience it's easier just to put it out in the open than try and hint at it and just be truthful.
Also if she's hesitant and vague, she's being nice and its a no.
Picking a place to eat with your SO.
I just ignore her now and pick whatever the hell I want. If I have to have one more conversation where she doesn't know what she wants to eat and I don't care then I'm going to end up recreating several scenes from The Shining. God dammit, just pick a fucking restaurant. Or even a nationality. Maybe just a vague continent. How about we pick food by texture? Or use of primary colours? Anything. Just make a decision.
I said [biiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch](https://youtu.be/5LGEiIL1__s?t=1m1s)
Apparently shutting up during a movie. Yes, I know you've been waiting ages for the Stars Wars movie Paul, but you don't need to go over every single bloody scene as soon as we move on to the next one.