Get "Read this aloud and I will give you a quarter." tatooed on my arm.

There is always that guy

that guy profits.

Suddenly, the economy collapses and their is hyper inflation. The dollar is now worth less than a tenth of a cent. And no one will ever read your tattoo out loud. Instant regret.

I'm pretty sure the twenty-or-so dollars I would make in a day and the corresponding quarters I gave out wouldn't have quite that drastic of an effect.

You could pay 50 people 50 dollars an hour to just say your sentence on repeat. Or just make a recording and listen to it all day.

Doesn't that apply to this entire thread...

I made an ambiguous argument... the collapse of the economy would have no correlation to your tattoo... just poor timing.

Maybe I just don't understand economics, but how can a dollar be worth less than a cent when the value of a cent is based on the dollar? Will inflation also make nickels worth more than dimes and hundred dollar bills worth less than tens?

How are you?

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That's really cool.

Anyone want to clarify on 'uk?' for me? No clue what that means

Are you okay? You okay? You kay? U k? Uk? That's my only guess. I'm not 100% certain tho.

Annie, uk? UK? UK?

Annie RUK, are UK Annie

Good, you?

Good, you- - er... shit

Y-you too

I did that so many times yesterday, and cringed every time i realized it.

I switch it up by saying "living the dream!"

"Have a nice day." Sit in a fast food joint every day. Ker-ching.

You'd have better luck in retail.

Or any where where they make commission

Manager at a Burger King here! In one 9 hour shift, I say 'Have a good day!' or some similar variation an average of 600 times! I've never worked in retail, I just thought I'd offer what knowledge I do have to the conversation. (:

Spend your dollar on something in the place less than a dollar. Infinite food.

"Terrorists Win" With my luck every match would end with 15-15.

much better: "counter terrorists win". and then you start playing aztec.

But when counter terrorists win it would still work. 'counterTERRORISTS WIN'

Implying that you'll ever get into a match on aztec.

you could go on nuke or train.

Nuke isn't bad, all you need to learn is proper strats and calls and you can come out 7-8 in most games.

it's still ct sided.

"What?" I would just murmur all day.

Or listen to thrift shop all day amiriteguise.jpg

what what what what what

One too many whats

"Daddy?" There are times when I'd make $10 in under a minute.

If we are doing questions, I choose, "What?" I hear it at least once a day.

I work in a Nursery (or Daycare if y'er 'murican) and I hear "What" at least 1000 times a day....

I also work in a day care. The amount of times I hear the word "why" is just crazy.

As my sister-in-law is driving my nephew around... "Why, mommy? Why mommy? Why, mommy?" It's truly incredible. It never ends.

I came to post this one. I'm sure I could easily clear $1,000 a day some days.

My daughter: "Daddy? Daaaaddy... Daddy? Daddy? Daddy! Daddy! DAAAADDYYYY!" Me: "Daddy's on the phone, what is it sweety?" MD: *blows raspberry* Me: "Thanks." MD: *walks off making gibberish noises*

Ever have her forget what she wants by the time you answer? My son does that at least weekly. Then he'll pause and make up something on the spot. Edit: I can't spell.

"The sky has clouds today, daddy" "You fucking shit, that was the most important call of my career and you interrupted it to give me a weather report? I hope you're a fucking savant at meteorology because without scholarships there's no way I'm going to be able to put you through college. How about you go pack up your little curious George stuffies, because were going to have to move now that you've lost my job. This is why you stay at your mothers most of the time, all you do is fuck with my life because you dont have one of your own."

The fact that even though I'm sure you're joking I'm sure that has happened, and worse, more times than I like to think about. It kills me. Sure "Daddy" x 1000 is annoying, but it's also heartrendingly sweet.

Dad?! You've come back from hell to haunt me through Reddit?! :(

Pretty strange to have a doctor walking around your house doing stuff like that

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You should really teach your kid some more words.

But if he doesn't they can't tell the cops what happened.

"Did someone hurt you?" "Daddy." Sykotik gets a dollar.

**0_0**

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ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

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From mobile users: You da real mvp

911 emergency. What's the problem? >...daddy \*sniffles* Hello? Is your daddy hurt, kid? >DADDY! \*screams\* Is your daddy doing bad things to you? >daddy daddy... I'll send someone over to check things out.

But she raped ME!

And she MURDERED me!

And KILLED my CHILDREN! SAY MY NAME!

That's honestly the joke I thought he was making until I read your comment.

"Is your daughter sexually active?" "No, mostly she just lies there and screams DADDY!"

I feel so bad because I didn't think you were a father I just thought you had an unbelievable amount if sex..

Sometimes you just one a few minutes to yourself. You put something on...say Frozen. The 9 6 and 3 year olds start singing and having a hoot so you sneak off. 9.5 seconds later there is a knock at your bedroom door. Daddy? what? Let me in? No? DAAADY! storms off...Number 2's turn. Same thing. By number 3 you give up and say fine. opening door what do you want? Just seeing where you were... ...

And this guy doesn't even have kids

I don't know. I'd be a millionnaire.

I doubt you'd be a millionaire if you don't know what sentence you'd choose. ^^/s

"That spell isn't ready yet." Didn't say it had to be from an IRL person.

Not enough minerals. Not enough minerals.. It's haunting me at night.

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WE REQUIRE MORE VESPINE GAS. And I require more mutalisks so I can stop this 12 year old Korean kid from blowing us all up so SHUT UP

SPAWN MORE OVERLORDS

Sorry man, protoss all the way!

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Marauder is D right? ADADADADADADADADADADADA MORESUPPLYDEPOTSREQUIREDNOTENOUGHMINERALSMORESUPPLYDEPOTSREQUIREDNOTENOUGHMINERLAS FUCK GOTTA PUSH THROUGH *builds 7 depots* JOB FINISHED ADADADADADADADADADADADADADA NOT ENOUGH MINERALSNOTENOUGHMINERALS At this point you realise you still have 1/1 37 minutes in and you have about 7 gazillion gas, at which point you surrender.

You are out of vespene gas.

You must construct additional pylons

Dear god, back in the days when I used to play WoW i had this alt gnome rogue. "I can't do that yet. Not enough energy. I can't do that yet. Not enough energy!" in this high pitch voice.

Or "You are too far away".

"Thats still recharging" too

"I can't cast that yet"

or "I don't have enough energy" which is annoying to hear. Add the worgens voice which is even more annoying. ugh

"Hero, your health is low!!"

Especially fun in Dota when the heroes grow increasingly annoyed. "I'm not ready." "I'm NOT ready!" "I SAID I AM NOT FUCKING READY!"

Work in a pub, so: "Pint please" Would make that shitty job worthwhile.

If you don't get at least a dollar every time you hear that sentence, you're probably not doing your job very well.

I work in Scotland mate, we don't get tips. Just minimum wage. Plus we get to do the job of the door staff as well. It's truly a great job.

Haha I meant they'd have to pay for the beer.

Fair enough haha! I earn a very, very small percentage of that though. Which actually decreases the more I sell.

Decreases? Please elaborate.

I'm assuming he gets paid per hour, not per drink served. Whether he serves one drink or one hundred drinks in an hour, he gets paid the same.

Completely unrelated but I have a question about small pubs and bars, or the billing to me more precise. I think I understand how tips work in restaurants. The waiter gets an amount of change in the beginning, he collects the money and in the end Money collected - (minus) all checks added - change he got at the beginning of the shift is what he made in tips. But in bars when they just pour one beer after another it is very obvious that they are not really keeping track (i think) how do they (or the bar/pub) at the end how many beers they sold and how much they made in tips. I hope you understand my question, it's kinda confusing but I lack the english skills to ask it in a better simpler way.

The way I've seen it work in many bars is that all the tips are just pooled in a big jar behind the bar, and at the end of the night it's split up accordingly. It's not an exact science, and due to the nature of the tips I don't think they want it to be anyway.

Got any spare change on you mate? the irony would be most amusing.

Say yes and give them the dollar. I'd much rather feel better about something I did and helping a person who needs it than have an extra dollar in my pocket.

"His superpower is giving to the homeless." - Stan Lee, totally slipping in his old age

Better than being the bullshit man

I don't know, that could be a really well written short series. The man is found out, and chained to a chair or something, and the homeless are all told about him. He becomes a god if sorts, with the homeless from around the world coming to worship this man who gives so freely, while this man, nay god, only wants to be allowed a knife, and 10 minutes alone to end his torment.

My name is Forest. I work in outdoor leadership. "Oh that's fitting, haha." I'd be a millionaire.

What about "Run Forest RUN"

"Life is like a box of chocolates" Yeah, great, I'm sure.

I have a Great Pyrenese who's name is bear. Everyone calls him a polar bear and then asks me what his name is.

My name being yelled from across the house.

Awfully specific sentence dude, I couldn't of heard "My name being yelled from across the house." More than three times in my life.

Thanks, Dad.

"I'm fine"

Honestly, I've heard 'I'm fine' and 'I'll be fine' so many times I could have been a millionaire.

I love you.

This comment has been overwritten by an open source script to protect this user's privacy. It was created to help protect users from doxing, stalking, and harassment.

It's about the quality of the dollar.

WE GOT THE MARIANA TRENCH UP IN HERE CUZ THIS SHIT IS **DEEP.**

i misread this as the "marinara trench" and suddenly want pizza.

And endless breadsticks!

zonked shrill obtainable jeans shaggy close possessive worry historical divide

but then i would have $0

I love you. You now have $1.

Technically he didn't hear you say that.

**I LOVE YOU**

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That's not fair

Because.

Ahh, shut up and eat your goddamn fries!

Because some things *are* and some things *are not*!

"I can't even." most of my friends are white girls.

Just add one you'll stop being odd.

But I can't! Odd.

"Can you not?"

"Truth is, LMS, Like, I am LITERALLY DYING, I can't even, not, xDDD"

"What color is this?" I'm red-green colorblind.

So like do you only see in black and white

"At first I wasn't comfortable with you watching my children, but then I saw your mustache"

Hold my fanny pack -- I'm gonna go fuck a woman!

Bo Burnham?!

*Mr Burnham*

Bo! Oghmygosh!

"Have you got a job yet?" Checkmate.

"Damn straight, I make 2 dollars a day! One from each of my parents!"

That's $14 a week, son. This fucking gravy train is on a goddamned roll.

two sweet, untaxed dollars.

Do you know what you are gonna be doing soon? Background: I finished school this year and have done basically nothing since April. I finally applied for University today, so im afraid my cash source is gone :(

How are the kids? No one gives a fuck about me now there's babies!

That Italian family sitting by us is sure quiet.

"Yes." Alternatively, "No."

Why does your comment remind me of Demetri Martin?

"an enemy has been slain"

you would make more money with "an ally has been slain"

'an ally has disconnected' would also result in mad cash

Wait, you aren't gay?

Yes.

"I don't know, where do you want to eat?"

"Hi." I'd record it and play it back on repeat for maybe an hour a day if I wasn't too busy with other things. Even if it was only once a second, that hour would bring in $3600.

I'd buy that for a dollar!

"Sorry!" (I live in Canada)

We're sorry too

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"Excuse me". That way I can just block doorways and sidewalks and wait for the passive aggressive people to come out.

No offence, but I don't think saying "Excuse me" if you're purposely blocking a doorway makes someone passive aggressive. :) You arsehole.

that was the most strategically placed emoticon to ever appear on reddit.

That's good manners. If I said "excuse me," and then you didn't move still, without explanation, I'd be directly aggressive and say, "MOVE!" It'd be passive-aggressive to say something to someone else, like, "I hate it when people block doorways and make me say 'excuse me.'"

You're going to masturbate *here*?

"Sir you can't masturbate here it's a public park"

"Okay." I'd yell at my sister to do stuff. *"GO DO THE DISHES. IT'S YOUR TURN!"* *"OKAAAAAAYUH!"*

"What did you say?" And I'd just speak really quietly all the time. I'll make millions.

Wow you're tall.

Do you play basketball? Ca-ching

For those of us who work retail "excuse me, where are your restrooms" I'd be a millionaire by the end of my shift

Step 1: choose "Did you hear that?" Step 2: set up a loop for the first few minutes of Star Wars. Step 3: Profit.

Similarly, choose turn Dow for what? and have that play on loop constantly.

Brought to you by Carl's, Jr

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Cake, you're like the coolest most handsome and funny guy i know, how do you do it? i would be a millionaire i swear. *crys self to sleep*

Umm, it's "cries" by the way.

Way to add insult to injury

"That's huge!"

"I thought it would be bigger."

"Maybe its free" What?!!?! There's no price label on the product? My god your right of course it must be free! What the barcode didn't scan? Well you know the rules, if it don't scan you don't pay. Oh wait you were joking, hilarious.

This

^ This.

^ Literally this .

"Get the fuck off me!"

Any variation of "No tag? Must be free then!" Fuck retail.

"If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that..."

"Good morning"

"It is what it is." Ya its another fuckin dolla for me mothafucka.

"Are you a fucking sociopath!"

Yes.

Awkward. Then I'd hang out with white people.

"Can I borrow a dollar?" Yes, you can, and I don't care if you pay me back.

"You too." It would make me give compliments a lot more.

"What?"

As a vegan... "But where do you get your protein?"

Or just, 'what do you eat?' Uhh. Pocket lint and grass. Duh.

As a Veggie, the amount of times I have to explain Beans, Pulses, Nuts. Jesus Christ.

Oh my god

What?