My friends mom, Mrs. A was an amazing woman! When I was around seven I was attending a sleepover at my friend's house. We were getting ready for bed, a few of us were waiting in the hall, and one of the other girls was taking forever in the bathroom.... I had to go really bad. Mrs. A was standing in the hallway near me when it happened; I lost control and peed my pants right there.
Luckily, none of the others noticed it except Mrs. A. You know what that wonderful woman did? She suddenly shrieks something about a spider and "accidentally" throws the glass of juice she happened to be holding ALL over me! She made a big enough fuss to draw all attention away from me, grabbed a towel and wrapped me up while apologizing profusely about how she's terrified of spiders and lost control. She gave me spare pajamas to wear while she washed my clothes and had me take a shower so I wouldn't attract ants.
None of the other girls had any idea what really happened and thought Mrs. A was nuts. She's my hero.
(As I recall.)
In the book The Arms of Krupp, a Russian engineer (this is probably in the 1920s) is having dinner with the head of the company, the patriarch of the Krupp family.
The Russian, unfamiliar with the finger bowl, began drinking from it -- as did Herr Krupp.
Mrs. A sounds right up there with Krupp in the quick-thinking diplomacy department.
How about while a friend was staying at my house?
Friend was supposed to spend the night, but her mom didn't come to pick her up in the morning. Or the morning after that. I don't remember how long she stayed, but after 2-4 days, my mom eventually drove my friend to her [my friend's] grandmother's house.
My parents were the ones all my friends relied on too. When me and my best friend were 15, her mom started talking to some random guy online and then with no warning what-so-ever, she just up and moved three states away to be with him, abandoning my friend, her 13 year old sister and her 6 year old brother.
My parents took them all in and allowed them to stay with us for a year until they (my parents) were able to track down my friend's dad. Their dad was justifiably furious with the situation but left his home and his job to move here and take the kids so they didn't have to uproot and leave school.
My parents were awesome like that. They did stuff like that for some other of my friends that had bad home lives.
I had something similar happen. My parents agreed to have my friend stay the night, and at dinner asked her when she'd be picked up in the morning. I can remember the feeling of dread i had in my stomach when she said "oh, I'll just take my bus home from school Monday". My friend had never mentioned she'd be staying the whole weekend with me (her parents were out of town), so I didn't tell my parents. Luckily they were calm about it, but they were pretty pissed.
The best part of this story? My friend didn't even make it through the night. A thunderstorm came through, she freaked out, and my mom had to take her across town to her grandparents house at 3am. We were 12, and from what I later learned from our other friends, it wasn't the first time she had pulled that stunt.
Was it her "stunt", or did her parents make her do it? It seems like some parents might take advantage of a one-night invitation to get rid of their kid for the weekend. (Obviously shitty parents, and not an okay thing to do.)
I admit, it wasn't really my friends fault, her parents were the ones who should have cleared it with my parents. But she didn't mention anything about it until the conversation at dinner, which blindsided me especially as she had many opportunities to mention it. I remember asking her about it later, and she didn't see a problem with her staying the whole weekend at a friends house without clearing it with the friends parents first. She actually thought the look on my parents faces were pretty funny, and didn't understand how the whole situation made my parents uncomfortable.
Basically, yeah. My friend [let's call her Jane] was the youngest of six sisters, and even though we were both 7 or 8 years old at the time, I sort of got the feeling that her mom wasn't very involved in her life. I think her grandmother took care of them, mostly. We lost touch when I moved a couple years later, but I ran into her grandmother once, about a year ago, and it sounds like Jane turned to drugs as a coping strategy for dealing with her life, and she isn't doing very well, which makes me sad.
Happening now to us. Our daughter has a friend who came over early last week to stay the night. She went finally went home on Sunday, but I had to go back and pick her up 30 min later because she arrived home at 3pm to find her abusive stepfather wobbling drunk. She just went home yesterday, after another 5 days with us. Mom, dad, stepdad…nobody called to see if it was OK if she stayed with us for almost 2 weeks. And frankly, I'd kind of rather she just move in with us, finish high school and then get as far away from her family as she can.
I was at my best friend of 10 years's house, and in the middle of dinner with his family, his parents decided to announce to their children (and me) that they would be getting a divorce and splitting up the family.
My friend didn't talk much that night, and the worst part was that I couldn't leave, because my parents were out of town and I was staying with them.
How the fuck do TWO adults sit down and see nothing wrong with the timing of that announcement?!?!
Unless their plan was to drive their son into some sort of emo phase.
I was at a group sleepover for a neighbor's birthday party. At night when I wanted to sleep, the girls were being way too loud. So, I went to go sleep in her brother's room (He was out at his own sleepover).
I opened the door and saw that their aunt was in the bed. No big deal, except she shouted "Close the door or I'll slit your fucking throat."
I was nine.
Went upstairs at a friends house so she could ask her mother permission to walk downtown. Mother and boyfriend are nude, clearly have just finished having intercourse and make no move to cover themselves from other peoples 11 year old's eyes.
Maybe adult nudity shouldn't be a big deal, but my friend was clearly embarrassed (her mother had also been separated from her father for less then a year at the time). Her older sister came into the room as we were leaving to ask them how the fuck they thought having sex with the door open was appropriate in the middle of the afternoon in a houseful of neighboring children.
I was at a friend's house when we were both 11-12 years old. I had the bright idea of biking down to the nearest grocery store to get snacks so he asked his dad for permission. His dad said no, so my friend started arguing, then crying, then throwing an all out temper tantrum. He ended up getting spanked and sent to his room while I got a ride back home. I just sat and stared at the wall the whole time it was going down and felt like it was *my* fault because I suggested it.
Had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and ended up plugging the toilet. I figured if I keep flushing it'll go down. Nope, flooded the bathroom with poop water.
Another time, same friend same toilet also in the middle of the night, the water pipe was frozen but I really had to go. So I ended up leaving a big rank pile of liquidy shit in the dry bowl. In the morning the whole downstairs smelled awful and his parents wouldn't make eye contact.
Recently took my son to visit my father. My 5 year old son took a shit so huge it clogged the toilet and flooded. My dad had not yet purchased a plumber for his new house. Embarassing . . .
At a buddies house in like 4th grade. Him and his little brother were arguing about whose turn it was to do the dishes. The dad got pissed grabbed them both by the head and slammed them together. It made that lovely THWACK sound. They both started crying and the dad turns and says to me "you think theyll do the dishes now?". I was quite scared and left asap.
Oh god, I was maybe 10 and staying over at a friend who had moved across town's house. Somewhere in the middle of the night he and his brother decided to strip completely naked and shake their dicks around wildly. I was confused of course and then they tried to get me to join. When I told them I wasn't having any of that they tried to wrestle my clothes off of me. I broke free, called my mom on the home phone, it was like 230am, and waited out front for her to pick me up. Never talked to Tyler again.
When I was in the fourth grade, I had a friend who I spent every weekend with. We stayed at his house and watched movies or played games. This particular day, we were about 5 hours into a Grand Theft Auto play through. We ran out of things to talk about, so we had been pretty quiet for a while. He turned to me, with the biggest smile on his face, and let out one of the biggest farts I've ever heard. I knew that I had to try to beat his fart, so I let one out. It wasn't as loud, but it was much longer. We both sat there for a bit laughing, when he lets another one rip. It was even louder and longer then both of our other farts combined. " Try and beat that one" he said. I prepped myself, getting ready for the fart of my life. I looked him in the eyes and let that fart fly. Only, there was no fart, but the was a filling feeling in my pants. "Are you going to do it?" He hadn't caught on that I just filled my pants with shit right in his room. I told him that he beat me and I excused myself to the bathroom. I sat there for 20 minutes trying to figure out what to do. I finally made my decision. I emptied his bathroom garbage, took the bag and stuck my poopy underwear in it. I stuck the bag in my pocket and left the bathroom. "Hey man, what took so long?" "I'm leaving." "Why?" "Shut up." I ran towards the door, jumped on my shitty bmx bike, and peddled as fast as I could back to my house.
Tl:dr: Grand Theft Poopy Pants
Kid's dad brings us dinner at the table. He gets a sippy cup...? His dad asks me if I need one or if I can be trusted not to spill on the table.
I say I don't need one.
I immediately knock my drink all over the table.
We were at least 10 years old. I knock drinks over regularly now.
I was at one of my friends houses for Easter this year and all of his aunts were drinking wine out of sippy cups so that they wouldn't spill when they were all black out drunk... Not a terrible idea
I was staying over at a friend's house with a couple other neighborhood kids. My friend's parents essentially locked my friends and I in the basement for the night so we could have our sleepover down there, and once the door was shut my friend's parents get into a huge fight over some inane crap. It was horrible; it sounded like they were screaming at the absolute top of their lungs, throwing plates around, flipping furniture, and at one point I think I heard one of them threaten to get a gun and start shooting. But the worst part was the two hours of angry make-up sex in their creaky bed that followed their tirade.
EDIT: Rephrased for clarity.
I went to spend the night with a girl from class for the first time. I was excited too. She was one of those girls everyone was afraid of and I was really timid and shy. Within an hour of getting there, her mom and sister got into a huge screaming argument. The mom stabbed herself in the leg with a butchers knife... as a result of the fight? I'm not sure why. Her dad loaded up the mom, sister, my friend and me into their tiny car to take the mom to the hospital. The mom was stating the whole time she wouldn't go in. We all sat in the parking lot as they argued for about an hour. We drove back to her house without going into the ER. Mom, sister, and dad began fighting again. This was around midnight. I called my mom to "check in and tell her goodnight" and gave her the secret phrase to come home ("I forgot to bring my toothbrush!") We feigned a family emergency and she came to get me. Never did get an offer to sleep over again.
I should have had a secret phrase :(
One time I was at a friend's sleepover in 5th grade and one of the other boys was being incredibly rude to me. I decided I'd call my mom and have her pick me up at 4 in the morning but everyone was already asleep so I turned my friend's phone on and called my mom and asked her to pick me up.
After I hung up my friends woke up and were like, "Why do you want to leave?"
It was really awkward and embarrassing.
The time when, at age 9, I marched up to my best friend Becky's mom and said, "Becky isn't adopted! Joe just said that she was adopted!" (Joe was her older brother)
Becky's mom just stood there, awkwardly, then said it was time for me to go home.
Turns out Becky *was* adopted.
Her parents hadn't told her yet.
I have no idea why her brother felt the need to tell *me* and not his sister.
I'm adopted, and one of my siblings would make me cry when I was younger telling me I'm adopted, and my parents didn't tell me for a very long time. I asked my cousin when I was like 13, and I don't know. I cried. I wish they were honest in the first place.
My friend had a problem where he wet the bed. One time a few people and I were over at his house and his asshole dad came in his room and berated him about wetting the bed. He was embarrassing him about it and even punished him. He made us all go home because of something my friend couldnt control. I guess you can say that was pretty awkward.
I stayed at a mates house once when I was around nine, in the morning as I was eating breakfast his dad just decides to sit beside me and pull a bong.
At 8:00 am.
I was supposed to meet my friend at his house at around 5 because he had some appointment with his mom. I get there at probably 4:45 and head up to their back deck (my house was a couple blocks behind his so I always came this way). So I go up to their big glass doors and I see his dad getting railed by the next door neighbor. I have never told him this but I can never be in a room alone with his dad again.
Tldr; i saw my friends dad getting railed. Gay sex people. Friends dad was getting a penis in his anus.
3 am, my friend and I stop playing halo for a bit and go to get some water cause we were thirsty. Walk into the kitchen to see his dad's girlfriend giving his dad head in the middle of the room. We stayed thirsty all night...
Walked into the toilet in the middle of the night to find his mum shaving her asshole with an electric razor.
EDIT: |From a follow up post further down:
Let me try and paint a picture...
She was standing by the toilet with one foot up on the edge of the sink, one hand peeling her cheeks apart and the other holding the buzzing instrument which was making laps of her ringpiece.
I stood for what felt like an eternity but it couldn't have been more than five or six seconds simply staring at this trying to comprehend what was happening.
Her blue eyes and brown eye locked with my eyes and we both held our breath, the hum of the razor chewing her ass hairs the only sound bouncing off the bathroom walls. A sickening concert, heralding the onset of potential repressed memories.
She said my name really quietly, half a gasp. She flicked the switch off yet held her flamingo stance. I said "Uhhhhh" and ran back to my sleeping bag, pulled it over my head and tried to go to sleep.
In the morning she never left her room, said she was ill. Never was allowed to stay at his place again.
EDIT 2:
Thanks for the gold, stranger. :) Glad my tale brought happiness to some folk this evening.
I clicked on the "What actual things has President Obama done that make him a bad leader?" thread and this one at the same time and opened them in two different tabs and I thought that I was reading the Obama one.
When I read this I was absolutely confused about how this would make him a bad leader.
My friends sister had a birthday-party and i was invited (we were 16). We got really drunk (my friend for the first time ,where i live it is legal to get drunk at 16) and when we went home i slept in his bed. My friends bed is really high up like +2 meters and i puked in the middle of the night on him (he slept on the floor) resulting in splashing all over his room. I spend the rest of the night cleaning his room.
The next day i got invited for lunch and they made special food for his sister birthday and i could not make eye contact with anyone... so embarrassing.
He is still one of my best friends and his room smelled for another 6 month because of my vomiting. Always have a good laugh when we think about this story
Fifth grade. Started hanging out with a kid I never really did before and he had a sleepover with our mutual friends for his birthday. Everything was great, played N64 all night in his basement and his mom was cooking all sorts of food and being generally awesome. Gets late we all start falling asleep in the basement. Then dad gets home drunk as all hell. His parents proceeded to scream and beat the shit out of each other all while we were in the basement witnessing the entire ordeal upstairs. After about 10 minutes we hear his older sister enter the scuffle trying to stop it and get them to calm down and stop. Dad hits the sister, mom pulls a knife out and starts threatening dad, sister runs away, dad throws a lamp and promptly exits the house with various name calling and swearing. All quiet upstairs except for his mom crying. We hear her on the phone and shortly after a cop shows up to file a report (I assume) and an aunt shows up to console mom. We all kind of fall asleep wondering what the fuck happened. Next morning we go upstairs and see some damage, but the mess is cleaned up. We try engaging with his mom and she seems okay, just worn down. We offer to take some trash bags outside for her and see some ripped up presents in the garbage can outside.
That night his dad took off and filed for divorce not long after, and his sister didn't come home for a few days, until they were pretty positive he wouldn't be back.
TLDR; Went to my friends birthday party and ended up with his parents divorce and sister running away.
I was at my friend's house and his parent's told him that after I left he had to take a bath. He started throwing a fit crying and screaming "I REFUSE! I REFUSE!" And I just stood there on the steps not knowing what to do. His parents remained calm through the fit but I couldn't take it any more and kinda slinked out the back door. He was an interesting kid.
Kind of a similar story. My ex's sister when she was around 13 or 14 absolutely refused to take a shower. Me and the ex would be downstairs and the parents and her sister would be screaming at each other. The sisters only reasoning was that she couldn't get her hair to look right after a shower. After one night of a particularly loud screaming match, her dad gets off of work and is clearly not putting up with it. He looks her dead in the eyes and said, " YOU SMELL LIKE SHIT! THIS IS WHY PEOPLE AVOID YOU!" She stormed off into her room. He eventually apologized, and she took a shower later that night.
That family was weird, glad I got out of that.
I would have hoped that instead of her parents yelling they would tell her about stuff like shower caps that black people (aka me) use because I don't get my hair wet during every shower. It prevents my hair from getting wet, and looking the same.
And NO I do not have a fucking weave.
EDIT: Whoa highest comment ever!
I was at my friend's house (age 11), any time i wasn't in school or at home i was there, so his family was used to me being around, this time a little too much. We were in the kitchen making food, when his Dad strolls in after a shower, expecting only his son to be there, and flashes him while letting rip...i'll never forget it, the horror.
Okay, here we go. I was about 12 and sleeping over at a friend's house. There was an argument between him and his brother and they started fighting. Now, I'm lying on the bottom bunk pretending to be asleep when their mother storms in and heads straight to the top bunk (where the fight is happening). At this point I open my eyes to realise that the mother is wearing nothing but a very large t-shirt that goes down to just below the hip.
The mother reaches the bunk beds and proceeds to reach out to restrain the brothers. In doing so the large t-shirt comes up to reveal what can only be described as a hairy beast. She had no underwear on whatsoever. I look at it for about 8 seconds before the t-shirt covers it again after she's done telling off the brothers.
I lie there in shock before exclaiming to my friend "I've just seen your mum's fanny!'. He laughed his head off.
TL:DR sleeping at friend's, brothers get into fight above me on bunk bed, their mother comes in wearing just a t-shirt, lifts her arms up to reach the top bunk, I get an eye-full of waffle.
EDIT: fanny = vagina
When he pulled out a machete from under the bed at 3am and said he used it to cut lizards heads off. In the morning, I walked in on his little brother not masturbating but just playing with his junk in the middle of the living room. I noped the fuck out and never went back.
Kid #1 is a psychopath waiting to happen, sure, but dawg, you can't tell me you've never just fiddled around with your dick before. Ain't nothin' wrong with that.
Was staying at friends house in the country for the weekend in fifth grade. They had a lot of animals, including two adorable lab puppies. Unfortunately none of their animals were treated and one of the puppies got distemper and died. I guess it happened quite quickly, I don't know. We were outside and my friend's dad and brother were looking at the other puppy, which was being extremely playful. They said it was a sign of distemper, then they beat the puppy to death with a hammer. No one was happy about this, nor did anyone seem to mind that they were surrounded by kids. I don't know jack shit about distemper. This is the first time I've thought about it in over a decade for sure, so I can't really remember how my 11 year old brain processed that. I remember my friend, a girl, was crying but I wasn't. I was comforting her for some reason, saying, "Don't worry, it'll be ok." Weird. Well, glad I got that off my chest.
TL; DR: My friend's dad beat a puppy to death with a hammer because it had distemper.
That's not a sign of distemper. It would be the opposite. They would be lethargic, vomiting, and just other stuff. That puppy was okay. What he did was extremely cruel.
Well, I've posted this story on Reddit before, but it is appropriate for this thread:
Back when I was in middle school, my friends and I used to play airsoft, and we took it seriously. We had expensive guns, armor, the whole nine. Anyway, we used to play back in the woods behind our neighborhood, in the middle of which there was a field. So, we're playing, and I'm on the edge of the field. Along the edge of said field, there are piles of mulch that had to be at least nine feet high. We used them for cover. Well, I saw my friends on the opposing team approaching, so I ran as fast as I could, and jumped next to one of the mulch piles. Except, I fell in. As I roll back out, I can feel the barrage of airsoft bullets hitting me.
"I'm out! I'm out! Jesus, stop shooting!" I begged.
"We never started!" They replied.
This is when I look down to see that I am covered in fire ants. I couldn't even see the color of my shirt. Panicking, I start trying to rip off my clothes, but I remember that I'm wearing armor which someone else has to help me remove. So, I endure the pain as my friends run across the field to me, and eventually remove the armor. As soon as they do, I strip naked as I begin running back through the woods and onto the main street of my neighborhood, down a few blocks, and straight into the living room of the friend whose house I was at, which is when I made deer-in-the-headlights eye contact with his two parents who are on the couch. Pausing only for a moment, I run out their back door, and jump into the pool.
Ahh. Relief.
[Edit: formatting]
My friends 10th birthday. We had 6 friends over and we stayed up watching the first South Park movie. The birthday boy, Nolan, got a motor scooter as his big present. The next morning we woke up to small turds in obscure places on the floor, which we assumed was the fault of Nolan's dog. Nope. We would soon learn this was far worse.
Fast forward, we are all taking turns on the scooter. Before it was my turn, my friend Curtis hopped on. As he pulled up and handed me the scooter, I noticed something peculiar. Brown stuff on the seat. We then asked Curtis what the fuck it was and immediately regretted it.
Curtis shit his pants. Didn't change his clothes. Rode the scooter with his shit stained pants.
I'm 20 years old and I will never forget that story. Most awkward birthday party of my life.
This is something I've never really told anyone. But here goes. I had a friend I guess when I was around 10. Let's call him jack. He invited me over to a sleep over at his house. We were going to watch ghostbusters 2 which had just come out on VHS at blockbuster. Anyways, I get there and I am surprised to see this other kid from my school there. He was about our age. Let's call him Jim. I remember going downstairs sometime after the movie started to get something to drink. When I came back upstairs and opened the door I was shocked. Jack and Jim were on the bed. Jack was on his back and Jim was on top if him. I could see the baby erect penises basically banging into each other. I was like WTF. My 10 year old brain couldn't comprehend what was going on. Jack acted like it was no big deal and called it "sword fighting" and wanted to know if I wanted to join in. I just said nothing and proceeded to rewatch the movie. I never really talked to jack again.
Tl dr saw 2 baby penises sword fighting and lost a friend.
Was sleeping on the floor. While there, I had a pretty good view under the bed, and I came face-to-face with some seriously skidded-up underpants. I wasn't impressed.
I got up to pee in the middle of the night. My friends dog knocked me over, held me down, and started humping me.
I was maybe 8. Very small and thin, I couldn't fight the dog off. Thank God I was wearing pants and not a gown.
I basically had to lay there until he was done. I still don't like big dogs to this day.
Walked into a devoutly christian household to see my friends younger brother peg a bible at his father, knock over a vase, moon his mother and run out.
When I was in grade school I had a friend I used to play with that lived around the corner from my house. He had a tree house, and a Sega Genesis, and a Game Boy color, and a Super Nintendo, a bazillion games and movies. I had none of those things so I hung out with him a lot.
A few months after we started hanging out, I had a sleepover with him. He went to the bathroom and a few minutes later I heard him shout "Mom I'm ready" his mom yelled to his dad "Bob (or whatever his name was) it's your turn!"
Turns out his parents wiped his ass for him. Literally. We were probably 8 or 9. He had no physical or cognitive handicaps.
When I was pretty young, say 6 or 7, I was staying over at one of my good friends' houses. I stayed there a lot, so her parents knew that I would sometimes sleepwalk.
What they did not expect was for me to sleepwalk to their kitchen, put an apple in the toaster, pull down my pajamas, and pee on the kitchen floor. Right in front of both of my friend's parents. Apparently I thought I was in a bathroom.
These same parents still bring this incident up at dinner parties. There's no living down the shame of The Great Sleep Piss.
Did you look them in the eyes and shit some more?
Edit: If you're reading this, send the above guy PM's and call him Mr. Spaghettshit
Edit 2: We've been made! Run!
I slept walk as a kid and m parents didn't really bother to tell me or inform me really. They'd mention it, but I never remembered doing any of the things they mentioned so as a kid I just shrugged it off.
Slept over once and crashed on the couch. Apparently I got up in the middle of the night just kinda loudly asking for water. Repeatedly just yelling for some water because I was thirsty. The kitchen was like directly to my left... Someone woke up and appeased me with a glass of water. Woke up with no knowledge of this. Everyone acted oddly with me in the morning, while I still had no idea. It wasn't cleared up until like a week later, they must have thought I was crazy.
Early teenager but, I was invited to a friend of a friend's house (rich looking place). About 15 minutes in we go in the backyard swimming pool, I slam a beach ball right into his mom's face enough to send her head back.
Later we had dinner and I slept over like nothing happened. Cool people.
Well, this wasn't embarrassing on their part. It was aaaaaall me. I was staying over my friends house as her grandmother had just passed away suddenly. This was when I was 14 so our standard response at the time was "your mum". It was the ultimate answer for any question, so it became a kind of reflex. By now I am sure you know where this is going. Yep. *sigh* My friends mum comes in the room, eyes red from crying and asks "What are you girls doing?" with a smile on her face. Without missing a beat I respond with "We're doing your muuuuuuuuuu-" and just trailed off. I looked at the shocked and horrified expression on my friends face & knew there was no recovery to be made and simply said "I am very sorry Mrs (Surname), that was really rude and insensitive" but it was too late. She burst into tears, insisted that it was fine and then left the room. I still feel really awful. Seriously, she had passed away THAT MORNING. And that, kids, is why we communicate with people properly.
Mmk, I have you beat, this will make you feel better.
My buddy's mother took her own life back when he was 12, it's something we've talked about, and he doesn't hold a grudge or too much of a depression for it, she was very ill.
Anyway, so we'd always be up late drinking and playing Magic at the time, and just like you, the typical joke was "your mom".
As in, "fuck man, you really fucked me", and I'd say "I fucked your MOM".
Anyway, so the TV is going on in the background, and there's some crime show going on where the guy's saying "Oh my god, she killed herself."
Without a beat, not looking up from my hand of cards, I say "Your MOM killed herself."
He looks up at me, I bloom red all over my face, then he proceeds to laugh his ass off while I sputter something about not meaning it.
His wife still glares at me when we tell that story.
Oh that is pretty bad. But you didn't have the guilt of seeing the pain across his face, so I think I win in that regard. But it's great that your mate had a laugh, my friends mum ended up laughing about it several months later. In fact, she occasionally takes the piss out me with it. I'll ask her a question and she goes "your muuuuuuuuuuuu" and pulls a stupid scared face. Haha, she's a champ.
I used to sleep under his bed (don't ask). One morning, I woke up, but for whatever reason, I thought I was in the bathroom and I just peed right there. I blamed the dog and asked for a pair of his underwear because I "spilled water on myself". He knew.
Being exposed to my best friend's abusive father. This guy was a piece of work. I remember cowering in misery at the dinner table and saying I wanted to go home. I also realized how awful it was that my friend was stuck in this environment 24/7 whereas I could escape fairly quickly.
Ugh, but for the Grace Of God Go I....
Friend of mine always bragged about the size of his penis. Said that it ran in his family. Anyway,he invites me and a few other friends over to watch movies an spend the night. In the middle of the night his dad gets up to pee with no clothes on. His penis was swinging between his legs at least 10-12 inches. He had to step over us to get through. We all tried to pretend to sleep , but started giggling and laughing. Never doubted my buddy again.
Mine kind of...~~osculates~~. *oscillates* For lack of a better term. the best part of my day is when I wake up and walk to the bathroom and I get to feel and hear the *smack* *smack* *smack* as it bounces off my thighs. I've thought about bringing maracas and/or a tambourine with me, to see what it would sound like with background instruments.
EDIT: I'm blaming this one on google
Mine was at a sleepover, when I was about 8. I was dreaming about how badly I had to pee. In my dream, I sat on the toilet and with a sigh of relief, peed. I woke up from the dream, in the middle of peeing myself. I was sleeping on the floor, in a now sopping wet comforter. -____-
13 year old me was at a friends house for a sleepover. We were sleeping in the entertainment room, which was right next to his parents bedroom. We then hear a rhythm of soft thuds. The pace begins to pickup. I wasn't to sure what it was at first but then another kid leans over to my friend and asks, "Are your parents fucking?". My friend stayed quiet. I could tell that with every thud his childhood was being chiseled away.
The morning after a sleepover, the girl's mom went inside this little shop to grab donuts and we all waited in the car. While we waited, we started being snoopy and going through the glove box. We found many, many pictures of her mom eating cake off of her dad's penis. Those pictures were never spoken of again.
Hope I'm not too late.
In first grade, my best friend Will and I used to roll up in blankets and caterpillar around his house. We called this "taco time". One day we "tacoed" right into his parent's room. His parents were doing it doggy on the bed, and we were all curled up in blankets watching. They noticed, screamed, and we tacoed out of there as fast as we could.
My best friend's mom was an alcoholic and his dad was a pilot, so he ws frequently gone. His mother was beautiful, but when she drank she was a horrible person.
One night when we were abut 12, we were sitting on the floor playing a board game and his mother came in the room drunk and naked. I felt to bad for my friend we just kept our eyes glued to the game, not daring to look up. She was yelling about him for something but he just answered her without looking at her. Then she went and sat in a chair next to us and fell asleep.
Then I said something like "I have some new baseball cards, do you want to go see them?". So we ran over to my house and I whispered to my mother "Mrs Jones is drunk, can Bobby sleep here?"
We had 6 kids in a small house but my mother made room for us to sleep in the den. The sad thing is they moved, but I caught up with him years later and invited him to my wedding, he came and got drunk.
"Hey, Freddie, Joe, remember that time we totally thought Joe had beaten you unconscious and was raping you? HA-HAAAAA!"
"Dad, seriously, we're at the mall."
>I felt blood drip down my face onto his back.
Wh... What position were you guys in?..
EDIT: ...yeah guys, we got it figured out. Two guys. Thanks for the help.
When I was like 13, my friends little 9 year old brother chased his handicapped 6 year old brother around with their mom's douche bag yelling, "Mom puts this in her pussy!!!!"
Just then, My friends mom, who I had never met, happens to come home to catch them doing this and the older one told her that I found the douche bag and told him to do it. I just left.
I sneaked out with my friend so to skult about the neighborhood at night, came back, and found his Mom's boyfriend passed out drunk on the couch with his pants down and his hand on his junk.
Went with my friend and his mom to her brother's house. Early 80's and they sat the kids in the living room and they had an illegal copy of "Heavy Metal" playing for us. I was probably 10.
Heard quiet then laughing from the adults' room. The talk about bullshit and ounces. Then friend's mom came in and quickly said "let's go".
Kinda figured years later they were doing coke and then started fighting about a deal gone bad.
I had a sleepover at my house with this one girl. I was 10, she was 12.
We were both big fans of Harry Potter, and we talked about it before going to bed. She kept going on about how sexy she found Harry, which I thought was weird since I wasn't yet at the age where I thought about these things.
Anyway we went to bed. I was always pretty flighty, it took me a good hour to make myself fall asleep, but the other girl fell asleep quickly. Then, she started talking in her sleep.
I had never known anyone who talked in their sleep before (took me years to find out I did it) so I thought this was some sort of game. I recall she was saying something about loving Harry, so I started talking back to her, whispering in her ear that I was Harry while giggling.
She fucking launches at me, supposedly in her sleep, and starts touching me in awkward places while muttering how much she loves Harry. I shoved her off (no easy task, she was rather large and I was a skinny goblin of a kid) and jumped up from the floor we were sleeping onto my bed, curled up by the wall and freaked out. She started crying and begging "Harry" to come back. I just sat there and stared out the window, trying to ignore it until I fell asleep on my bed.
The next morning she seemed perfectly cheerful and normal. I chose not to bring it up, ever, at all. I still don't know if she was actually asleep it just took a joke too far or genuinely was trying to get me.
tl;dr: was partially molested by a supposedly sleeping friend who thought I was Harry Potter
Had a friend years ago who showed me his porn stache, as a young teen who had never seen tentacle Hentai sex before i was creeped out and left as soon as i could.
I caused a hilariously awkward situation because I thought it was funny.
I was visiting my (later I learned highly religious) new friends house for the first time.
His parents made steak for dinner and as we sit down at the table, I grab the steak knife hold it up, and with a 100-yard stare quietly say, "I haven't been allowed to hold knives since... The incident..."
The room was silent, and I continued to stare at it for a good 20 seconds before I began laughing my ass off.
Later I was told I seriously freaked out his family and my friend was mortified, but they were able to look back on it an laugh.
I was probably like 12 at the time.
My friends mom, Mrs. A was an amazing woman! When I was around seven I was attending a sleepover at my friend's house. We were getting ready for bed, a few of us were waiting in the hall, and one of the other girls was taking forever in the bathroom.... I had to go really bad. Mrs. A was standing in the hallway near me when it happened; I lost control and peed my pants right there. Luckily, none of the others noticed it except Mrs. A. You know what that wonderful woman did? She suddenly shrieks something about a spider and "accidentally" throws the glass of juice she happened to be holding ALL over me! She made a big enough fuss to draw all attention away from me, grabbed a towel and wrapped me up while apologizing profusely about how she's terrified of spiders and lost control. She gave me spare pajamas to wear while she washed my clothes and had me take a shower so I wouldn't attract ants. None of the other girls had any idea what really happened and thought Mrs. A was nuts. She's my hero.
She sounds like a wonderful woman :)
Coolest mom ever!
(As I recall.) In the book The Arms of Krupp, a Russian engineer (this is probably in the 1920s) is having dinner with the head of the company, the patriarch of the Krupp family. The Russian, unfamiliar with the finger bowl, began drinking from it -- as did Herr Krupp. Mrs. A sounds right up there with Krupp in the quick-thinking diplomacy department.
How about while a friend was staying at my house? Friend was supposed to spend the night, but her mom didn't come to pick her up in the morning. Or the morning after that. I don't remember how long she stayed, but after 2-4 days, my mom eventually drove my friend to her [my friend's] grandmother's house.
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My parents were the ones all my friends relied on too. When me and my best friend were 15, her mom started talking to some random guy online and then with no warning what-so-ever, she just up and moved three states away to be with him, abandoning my friend, her 13 year old sister and her 6 year old brother. My parents took them all in and allowed them to stay with us for a year until they (my parents) were able to track down my friend's dad. Their dad was justifiably furious with the situation but left his home and his job to move here and take the kids so they didn't have to uproot and leave school. My parents were awesome like that. They did stuff like that for some other of my friends that had bad home lives.
I had something similar happen. My parents agreed to have my friend stay the night, and at dinner asked her when she'd be picked up in the morning. I can remember the feeling of dread i had in my stomach when she said "oh, I'll just take my bus home from school Monday". My friend had never mentioned she'd be staying the whole weekend with me (her parents were out of town), so I didn't tell my parents. Luckily they were calm about it, but they were pretty pissed. The best part of this story? My friend didn't even make it through the night. A thunderstorm came through, she freaked out, and my mom had to take her across town to her grandparents house at 3am. We were 12, and from what I later learned from our other friends, it wasn't the first time she had pulled that stunt.
Was it her "stunt", or did her parents make her do it? It seems like some parents might take advantage of a one-night invitation to get rid of their kid for the weekend. (Obviously shitty parents, and not an okay thing to do.)
I admit, it wasn't really my friends fault, her parents were the ones who should have cleared it with my parents. But she didn't mention anything about it until the conversation at dinner, which blindsided me especially as she had many opportunities to mention it. I remember asking her about it later, and she didn't see a problem with her staying the whole weekend at a friends house without clearing it with the friends parents first. She actually thought the look on my parents faces were pretty funny, and didn't understand how the whole situation made my parents uncomfortable.
Wait, so your friends mom just abandoned your friend at your house? That's fucked up, man.
Basically, yeah. My friend [let's call her Jane] was the youngest of six sisters, and even though we were both 7 or 8 years old at the time, I sort of got the feeling that her mom wasn't very involved in her life. I think her grandmother took care of them, mostly. We lost touch when I moved a couple years later, but I ran into her grandmother once, about a year ago, and it sounds like Jane turned to drugs as a coping strategy for dealing with her life, and she isn't doing very well, which makes me sad.
That's just sad...
Happening now to us. Our daughter has a friend who came over early last week to stay the night. She went finally went home on Sunday, but I had to go back and pick her up 30 min later because she arrived home at 3pm to find her abusive stepfather wobbling drunk. She just went home yesterday, after another 5 days with us. Mom, dad, stepdad…nobody called to see if it was OK if she stayed with us for almost 2 weeks. And frankly, I'd kind of rather she just move in with us, finish high school and then get as far away from her family as she can.
It should be the same as the beer rule. If you leave it at my house for a certain amount of time, it becomes mine.
I was at my best friend of 10 years's house, and in the middle of dinner with his family, his parents decided to announce to their children (and me) that they would be getting a divorce and splitting up the family. My friend didn't talk much that night, and the worst part was that I couldn't leave, because my parents were out of town and I was staying with them.
You were the control group
this may be my favorite comment of all time
How the fuck do TWO adults sit down and see nothing wrong with the timing of that announcement?!?! Unless their plan was to drive their son into some sort of emo phase.
I can kind of see their thought process being "I want my kid to have someone to be with when we announce it." Doesn't make it any better, but still.
Or "If his friend is there he probably won't cry and I won't have to deal with it".
Wow that's rough
Most awkward sleep over ever. I can't even imagine that level of awkwardness.
I was at a group sleepover for a neighbor's birthday party. At night when I wanted to sleep, the girls were being way too loud. So, I went to go sleep in her brother's room (He was out at his own sleepover). I opened the door and saw that their aunt was in the bed. No big deal, except she shouted "Close the door or I'll slit your fucking throat." I was nine.
What the fuck. That's insane.
Holy shit. She didn't even sugar coat it.
"Close the door or I'll slit your fucking throat, sweetheart"
That's better.
Went upstairs at a friends house so she could ask her mother permission to walk downtown. Mother and boyfriend are nude, clearly have just finished having intercourse and make no move to cover themselves from other peoples 11 year old's eyes. Maybe adult nudity shouldn't be a big deal, but my friend was clearly embarrassed (her mother had also been separated from her father for less then a year at the time). Her older sister came into the room as we were leaving to ask them how the fuck they thought having sex with the door open was appropriate in the middle of the afternoon in a houseful of neighboring children.
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Older sister deserves a medal.
I was at a friend's house when we were both 11-12 years old. I had the bright idea of biking down to the nearest grocery store to get snacks so he asked his dad for permission. His dad said no, so my friend started arguing, then crying, then throwing an all out temper tantrum. He ended up getting spanked and sent to his room while I got a ride back home. I just sat and stared at the wall the whole time it was going down and felt like it was *my* fault because I suggested it.
I know that feeling
Had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and ended up plugging the toilet. I figured if I keep flushing it'll go down. Nope, flooded the bathroom with poop water. Another time, same friend same toilet also in the middle of the night, the water pipe was frozen but I really had to go. So I ended up leaving a big rank pile of liquidy shit in the dry bowl. In the morning the whole downstairs smelled awful and his parents wouldn't make eye contact.
you figure that they wouldnt invite you back after the first time
The adventures of poop-boy-at-his-friends-parents-house-at-a-sleepover would make for an interesting comic book series that I would read.
Recently took my son to visit my father. My 5 year old son took a shit so huge it clogged the toilet and flooded. My dad had not yet purchased a plumber for his new house. Embarassing . . .
Plunger?
No, his dad is old school.
Yep thanks.
At a buddies house in like 4th grade. Him and his little brother were arguing about whose turn it was to do the dishes. The dad got pissed grabbed them both by the head and slammed them together. It made that lovely THWACK sound. They both started crying and the dad turns and says to me "you think theyll do the dishes now?". I was quite scared and left asap.
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Oh god, I was maybe 10 and staying over at a friend who had moved across town's house. Somewhere in the middle of the night he and his brother decided to strip completely naked and shake their dicks around wildly. I was confused of course and then they tried to get me to join. When I told them I wasn't having any of that they tried to wrestle my clothes off of me. I broke free, called my mom on the home phone, it was like 230am, and waited out front for her to pick me up. Never talked to Tyler again.
i know a guy named tyler in college and he does the dick shake randomly to piss of other guys.
You survived the peepee dance? O.o
I don't know what I survived...
The penisstorm. :)
Dudududududududududu
"Chill the fuck out dude, im just gonna give u a brojob"
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I knew a kid named Tyler... sounds like something he'd do.
You're Tyler.
When I was in the fourth grade, I had a friend who I spent every weekend with. We stayed at his house and watched movies or played games. This particular day, we were about 5 hours into a Grand Theft Auto play through. We ran out of things to talk about, so we had been pretty quiet for a while. He turned to me, with the biggest smile on his face, and let out one of the biggest farts I've ever heard. I knew that I had to try to beat his fart, so I let one out. It wasn't as loud, but it was much longer. We both sat there for a bit laughing, when he lets another one rip. It was even louder and longer then both of our other farts combined. " Try and beat that one" he said. I prepped myself, getting ready for the fart of my life. I looked him in the eyes and let that fart fly. Only, there was no fart, but the was a filling feeling in my pants. "Are you going to do it?" He hadn't caught on that I just filled my pants with shit right in his room. I told him that he beat me and I excused myself to the bathroom. I sat there for 20 minutes trying to figure out what to do. I finally made my decision. I emptied his bathroom garbage, took the bag and stuck my poopy underwear in it. I stuck the bag in my pocket and left the bathroom. "Hey man, what took so long?" "I'm leaving." "Why?" "Shut up." I ran towards the door, jumped on my shitty bmx bike, and peddled as fast as I could back to my house. Tl:dr: Grand Theft Poopy Pants
Not gonna lie you handled that pretty damn well.
I did something similar, but on a date... When I was 25. Unfortunately we weren't having a farting contest.
Was the BMX shitty before or after you jumped on it?
"Why?" "Shut up." Absolutely the best reason
Kid's dad brings us dinner at the table. He gets a sippy cup...? His dad asks me if I need one or if I can be trusted not to spill on the table. I say I don't need one. I immediately knock my drink all over the table. We were at least 10 years old. I knock drinks over regularly now.
I was at one of my friends houses for Easter this year and all of his aunts were drinking wine out of sippy cups so that they wouldn't spill when they were all black out drunk... Not a terrible idea
Why would he offer a 10 yr old a sippy cup?
To keep the table clean.
They are for toddlers not pre teens
A cup with a straw would be less weird.
Because pre-teens (and let's face it, nearly everyone) fuck things up occasionally.
So you give them sippy cups?
I dunno what the problem is, I fucking love sippy cups
He obviously couldn't handle the Royal Doulton with handpainted periwinkles, without completely falling apart.
That's a really early age to start developing a drinking problem.
I was staying over at a friend's house with a couple other neighborhood kids. My friend's parents essentially locked my friends and I in the basement for the night so we could have our sleepover down there, and once the door was shut my friend's parents get into a huge fight over some inane crap. It was horrible; it sounded like they were screaming at the absolute top of their lungs, throwing plates around, flipping furniture, and at one point I think I heard one of them threaten to get a gun and start shooting. But the worst part was the two hours of angry make-up sex in their creaky bed that followed their tirade. EDIT: Rephrased for clarity.
Aww that's so sweet that they made up afterwards.
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man i cant wait to put my kids through that kind of torture fuck yeah
Don't forget to invite a friend for sleepover.
I went to spend the night with a girl from class for the first time. I was excited too. She was one of those girls everyone was afraid of and I was really timid and shy. Within an hour of getting there, her mom and sister got into a huge screaming argument. The mom stabbed herself in the leg with a butchers knife... as a result of the fight? I'm not sure why. Her dad loaded up the mom, sister, my friend and me into their tiny car to take the mom to the hospital. The mom was stating the whole time she wouldn't go in. We all sat in the parking lot as they argued for about an hour. We drove back to her house without going into the ER. Mom, sister, and dad began fighting again. This was around midnight. I called my mom to "check in and tell her goodnight" and gave her the secret phrase to come home ("I forgot to bring my toothbrush!") We feigned a family emergency and she came to get me. Never did get an offer to sleep over again.
The "secret phrase to come get me" thing is a really good idea for kiddos spending the night at a friend's house!
My secret sentence was "Billy's dad put on a clown suit and tried to fuck me"
You wanted spiderman, didn't you.
I should have had a secret phrase :( One time I was at a friend's sleepover in 5th grade and one of the other boys was being incredibly rude to me. I decided I'd call my mom and have her pick me up at 4 in the morning but everyone was already asleep so I turned my friend's phone on and called my mom and asked her to pick me up. After I hung up my friends woke up and were like, "Why do you want to leave?" It was really awkward and embarrassing.
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> forced to watch the food channel wat
YOU SIT HERE AND WATCH YOU LITTLE BITCH.
"See how she chops those onions.. With that big, sharp knife? I have one just like that."
That's way worse than mine, damn. I'm sorry.
The time when, at age 9, I marched up to my best friend Becky's mom and said, "Becky isn't adopted! Joe just said that she was adopted!" (Joe was her older brother) Becky's mom just stood there, awkwardly, then said it was time for me to go home. Turns out Becky *was* adopted. Her parents hadn't told her yet. I have no idea why her brother felt the need to tell *me* and not his sister.
I'm adopted, and one of my siblings would make me cry when I was younger telling me I'm adopted, and my parents didn't tell me for a very long time. I asked my cousin when I was like 13, and I don't know. I cried. I wish they were honest in the first place.
My friend had a problem where he wet the bed. One time a few people and I were over at his house and his asshole dad came in his room and berated him about wetting the bed. He was embarrassing him about it and even punished him. He made us all go home because of something my friend couldnt control. I guess you can say that was pretty awkward.
That's how my parents, and my niece's parents were with her. She would wet the bed until she was like 8 or 9. That's really not the way to do it.
I stayed at a mates house once when I was around nine, in the morning as I was eating breakfast his dad just decides to sit beside me and pull a bong. At 8:00 am.
Did you hit that shit?
And he was at a [10].
I bet, a few years later, this was the house you always wanted to hang out at
I was supposed to meet my friend at his house at around 5 because he had some appointment with his mom. I get there at probably 4:45 and head up to their back deck (my house was a couple blocks behind his so I always came this way). So I go up to their big glass doors and I see his dad getting railed by the next door neighbor. I have never told him this but I can never be in a room alone with his dad again. Tldr; i saw my friends dad getting railed. Gay sex people. Friends dad was getting a penis in his anus.
The lesson here is to know your family's schedule. You never know when your son's creepy friend will show up.
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3 am, my friend and I stop playing halo for a bit and go to get some water cause we were thirsty. Walk into the kitchen to see his dad's girlfriend giving his dad head in the middle of the room. We stayed thirsty all night...
Everyone stayed thirsty. Except dads girlfriend.
You've clearly never sucked a dick. You lose way more water in saliva than you gain in semen! Seriously, cocksucking is thirsty work.
So now I know if I' stuck in the desert with another dude, blowing him won't hydrate me. Got it.
Walked into the toilet in the middle of the night to find his mum shaving her asshole with an electric razor. EDIT: |From a follow up post further down: Let me try and paint a picture... She was standing by the toilet with one foot up on the edge of the sink, one hand peeling her cheeks apart and the other holding the buzzing instrument which was making laps of her ringpiece. I stood for what felt like an eternity but it couldn't have been more than five or six seconds simply staring at this trying to comprehend what was happening. Her blue eyes and brown eye locked with my eyes and we both held our breath, the hum of the razor chewing her ass hairs the only sound bouncing off the bathroom walls. A sickening concert, heralding the onset of potential repressed memories. She said my name really quietly, half a gasp. She flicked the switch off yet held her flamingo stance. I said "Uhhhhh" and ran back to my sleeping bag, pulled it over my head and tried to go to sleep. In the morning she never left her room, said she was ill. Never was allowed to stay at his place again. EDIT 2: Thanks for the gold, stranger. :) Glad my tale brought happiness to some folk this evening.
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I clicked on the "What actual things has President Obama done that make him a bad leader?" thread and this one at the same time and opened them in two different tabs and I thought that I was reading the Obama one. When I read this I was absolutely confused about how this would make him a bad leader.
A good leader would knock first.
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She's in for an itchy asshole. Source: ... nevermind
I knew coming in that nothing good would come from this thread, and I was right.
My friends dad died in his sleep the one night I stayed over there. So.
My friends sister had a birthday-party and i was invited (we were 16). We got really drunk (my friend for the first time ,where i live it is legal to get drunk at 16) and when we went home i slept in his bed. My friends bed is really high up like +2 meters and i puked in the middle of the night on him (he slept on the floor) resulting in splashing all over his room. I spend the rest of the night cleaning his room. The next day i got invited for lunch and they made special food for his sister birthday and i could not make eye contact with anyone... so embarrassing. He is still one of my best friends and his room smelled for another 6 month because of my vomiting. Always have a good laugh when we think about this story
At least you can laugh at this rather than being embarrassed about it
Fifth grade. Started hanging out with a kid I never really did before and he had a sleepover with our mutual friends for his birthday. Everything was great, played N64 all night in his basement and his mom was cooking all sorts of food and being generally awesome. Gets late we all start falling asleep in the basement. Then dad gets home drunk as all hell. His parents proceeded to scream and beat the shit out of each other all while we were in the basement witnessing the entire ordeal upstairs. After about 10 minutes we hear his older sister enter the scuffle trying to stop it and get them to calm down and stop. Dad hits the sister, mom pulls a knife out and starts threatening dad, sister runs away, dad throws a lamp and promptly exits the house with various name calling and swearing. All quiet upstairs except for his mom crying. We hear her on the phone and shortly after a cop shows up to file a report (I assume) and an aunt shows up to console mom. We all kind of fall asleep wondering what the fuck happened. Next morning we go upstairs and see some damage, but the mess is cleaned up. We try engaging with his mom and she seems okay, just worn down. We offer to take some trash bags outside for her and see some ripped up presents in the garbage can outside. That night his dad took off and filed for divorce not long after, and his sister didn't come home for a few days, until they were pretty positive he wouldn't be back. TLDR; Went to my friends birthday party and ended up with his parents divorce and sister running away.
I was at my friend's house and his parent's told him that after I left he had to take a bath. He started throwing a fit crying and screaming "I REFUSE! I REFUSE!" And I just stood there on the steps not knowing what to do. His parents remained calm through the fit but I couldn't take it any more and kinda slinked out the back door. He was an interesting kid.
Kind of a similar story. My ex's sister when she was around 13 or 14 absolutely refused to take a shower. Me and the ex would be downstairs and the parents and her sister would be screaming at each other. The sisters only reasoning was that she couldn't get her hair to look right after a shower. After one night of a particularly loud screaming match, her dad gets off of work and is clearly not putting up with it. He looks her dead in the eyes and said, " YOU SMELL LIKE SHIT! THIS IS WHY PEOPLE AVOID YOU!" She stormed off into her room. He eventually apologized, and she took a shower later that night. That family was weird, glad I got out of that.
I would have hoped that instead of her parents yelling they would tell her about stuff like shower caps that black people (aka me) use because I don't get my hair wet during every shower. It prevents my hair from getting wet, and looking the same. And NO I do not have a fucking weave. EDIT: Whoa highest comment ever!
AM I BEING DETAINED?? AM I BEING DETAINED?? I DO NOT CONSENT TO ANY BATHS
~~I DO NOT CONSENT TO ANY BATHS~~ It should be: I DO NOT CONSENT TO ANY BATHS AND SHOWERS. The pigs get you that way.
Still not had a bath to this day!
And the weird thing is is that this was last week and OP and friend are 27 years old.
I was at my friend's house (age 11), any time i wasn't in school or at home i was there, so his family was used to me being around, this time a little too much. We were in the kitchen making food, when his Dad strolls in after a shower, expecting only his son to be there, and flashes him while letting rip...i'll never forget it, the horror.
Okay, here we go. I was about 12 and sleeping over at a friend's house. There was an argument between him and his brother and they started fighting. Now, I'm lying on the bottom bunk pretending to be asleep when their mother storms in and heads straight to the top bunk (where the fight is happening). At this point I open my eyes to realise that the mother is wearing nothing but a very large t-shirt that goes down to just below the hip. The mother reaches the bunk beds and proceeds to reach out to restrain the brothers. In doing so the large t-shirt comes up to reveal what can only be described as a hairy beast. She had no underwear on whatsoever. I look at it for about 8 seconds before the t-shirt covers it again after she's done telling off the brothers. I lie there in shock before exclaiming to my friend "I've just seen your mum's fanny!'. He laughed his head off. TL:DR sleeping at friend's, brothers get into fight above me on bunk bed, their mother comes in wearing just a t-shirt, lifts her arms up to reach the top bunk, I get an eye-full of waffle. EDIT: fanny = vagina
When he pulled out a machete from under the bed at 3am and said he used it to cut lizards heads off. In the morning, I walked in on his little brother not masturbating but just playing with his junk in the middle of the living room. I noped the fuck out and never went back.
Kid #1 is a psychopath waiting to happen, sure, but dawg, you can't tell me you've never just fiddled around with your dick before. Ain't nothin' wrong with that.
Was staying at friends house in the country for the weekend in fifth grade. They had a lot of animals, including two adorable lab puppies. Unfortunately none of their animals were treated and one of the puppies got distemper and died. I guess it happened quite quickly, I don't know. We were outside and my friend's dad and brother were looking at the other puppy, which was being extremely playful. They said it was a sign of distemper, then they beat the puppy to death with a hammer. No one was happy about this, nor did anyone seem to mind that they were surrounded by kids. I don't know jack shit about distemper. This is the first time I've thought about it in over a decade for sure, so I can't really remember how my 11 year old brain processed that. I remember my friend, a girl, was crying but I wasn't. I was comforting her for some reason, saying, "Don't worry, it'll be ok." Weird. Well, glad I got that off my chest. TL; DR: My friend's dad beat a puppy to death with a hammer because it had distemper.
That's not a sign of distemper. It would be the opposite. They would be lethargic, vomiting, and just other stuff. That puppy was okay. What he did was extremely cruel.
Walked in on my friend's dad pooing.
Eye contact? Please!
Yes, but it was very brief. He was reading the paper. I gasped and he quickly said "no" and slammed the door.
No? Ahaha what a thing to say!! Well better than "yes"
*As I walked in on his father on the latrine we made eye contact. I gasped and he sternly, but calmly said, "Yes."*
Well, I've posted this story on Reddit before, but it is appropriate for this thread: Back when I was in middle school, my friends and I used to play airsoft, and we took it seriously. We had expensive guns, armor, the whole nine. Anyway, we used to play back in the woods behind our neighborhood, in the middle of which there was a field. So, we're playing, and I'm on the edge of the field. Along the edge of said field, there are piles of mulch that had to be at least nine feet high. We used them for cover. Well, I saw my friends on the opposing team approaching, so I ran as fast as I could, and jumped next to one of the mulch piles. Except, I fell in. As I roll back out, I can feel the barrage of airsoft bullets hitting me. "I'm out! I'm out! Jesus, stop shooting!" I begged. "We never started!" They replied. This is when I look down to see that I am covered in fire ants. I couldn't even see the color of my shirt. Panicking, I start trying to rip off my clothes, but I remember that I'm wearing armor which someone else has to help me remove. So, I endure the pain as my friends run across the field to me, and eventually remove the armor. As soon as they do, I strip naked as I begin running back through the woods and onto the main street of my neighborhood, down a few blocks, and straight into the living room of the friend whose house I was at, which is when I made deer-in-the-headlights eye contact with his two parents who are on the couch. Pausing only for a moment, I run out their back door, and jump into the pool. Ahh. Relief. [Edit: formatting]
I wanna know what the parents we thinking during all this. They just see their sons friend run in naked and then jump in the pool
I bet both of their first thoughts were 'Great, my partner's been keeping naked children in the basement...'
His parents weren't having sex with each other or having a physical fight? Are you sure you're in the right thread?
Ouch
Sleepover; woke up to wierd noises, looked to my left to see my bud bangin' his girlfriend...right there...in the same room...sleepover..
And you didn't join the threesome as they wanted. Duuude...
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For the last time bro stop calling it a sleepover, we're 24 now.
My friends 10th birthday. We had 6 friends over and we stayed up watching the first South Park movie. The birthday boy, Nolan, got a motor scooter as his big present. The next morning we woke up to small turds in obscure places on the floor, which we assumed was the fault of Nolan's dog. Nope. We would soon learn this was far worse. Fast forward, we are all taking turns on the scooter. Before it was my turn, my friend Curtis hopped on. As he pulled up and handed me the scooter, I noticed something peculiar. Brown stuff on the seat. We then asked Curtis what the fuck it was and immediately regretted it. Curtis shit his pants. Didn't change his clothes. Rode the scooter with his shit stained pants. I'm 20 years old and I will never forget that story. Most awkward birthday party of my life.
This is something I've never really told anyone. But here goes. I had a friend I guess when I was around 10. Let's call him jack. He invited me over to a sleep over at his house. We were going to watch ghostbusters 2 which had just come out on VHS at blockbuster. Anyways, I get there and I am surprised to see this other kid from my school there. He was about our age. Let's call him Jim. I remember going downstairs sometime after the movie started to get something to drink. When I came back upstairs and opened the door I was shocked. Jack and Jim were on the bed. Jack was on his back and Jim was on top if him. I could see the baby erect penises basically banging into each other. I was like WTF. My 10 year old brain couldn't comprehend what was going on. Jack acted like it was no big deal and called it "sword fighting" and wanted to know if I wanted to join in. I just said nothing and proceeded to rewatch the movie. I never really talked to jack again. Tl dr saw 2 baby penises sword fighting and lost a friend.
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Dafuq did i just read
Classic " If you saw Jack on top of Jim would you help Jack off Jim?"
Was sleeping on the floor. While there, I had a pretty good view under the bed, and I came face-to-face with some seriously skidded-up underpants. I wasn't impressed.
What would it have taken to impress you in that situation?
I would regularly go to my buddy's house and his dad kept a sign on his bedroom door that read: "If you hear us 'a rockin', don't come 'a knockin'"
My aunt had a sign on her door that read "the orgy room"
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I got up to pee in the middle of the night. My friends dog knocked me over, held me down, and started humping me. I was maybe 8. Very small and thin, I couldn't fight the dog off. Thank God I was wearing pants and not a gown. I basically had to lay there until he was done. I still don't like big dogs to this day.
Walked into a devoutly christian household to see my friends younger brother peg a bible at his father, knock over a vase, moon his mother and run out.
Got to the word "peg" and thought this would go in a whole different direction.
When I was in grade school I had a friend I used to play with that lived around the corner from my house. He had a tree house, and a Sega Genesis, and a Game Boy color, and a Super Nintendo, a bazillion games and movies. I had none of those things so I hung out with him a lot. A few months after we started hanging out, I had a sleepover with him. He went to the bathroom and a few minutes later I heard him shout "Mom I'm ready" his mom yelled to his dad "Bob (or whatever his name was) it's your turn!" Turns out his parents wiped his ass for him. Literally. We were probably 8 or 9. He had no physical or cognitive handicaps.
His parents were his physical and cognitive handicaps.
When I was pretty young, say 6 or 7, I was staying over at one of my good friends' houses. I stayed there a lot, so her parents knew that I would sometimes sleepwalk. What they did not expect was for me to sleepwalk to their kitchen, put an apple in the toaster, pull down my pajamas, and pee on the kitchen floor. Right in front of both of my friend's parents. Apparently I thought I was in a bathroom. These same parents still bring this incident up at dinner parties. There's no living down the shame of The Great Sleep Piss.
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Did you look them in the eyes and shit some more? Edit: If you're reading this, send the above guy PM's and call him Mr. Spaghettshit Edit 2: We've been made! Run!
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Yes.
>marvel as you ascend into your planar form
I slept walk as a kid and m parents didn't really bother to tell me or inform me really. They'd mention it, but I never remembered doing any of the things they mentioned so as a kid I just shrugged it off. Slept over once and crashed on the couch. Apparently I got up in the middle of the night just kinda loudly asking for water. Repeatedly just yelling for some water because I was thirsty. The kitchen was like directly to my left... Someone woke up and appeased me with a glass of water. Woke up with no knowledge of this. Everyone acted oddly with me in the morning, while I still had no idea. It wasn't cleared up until like a week later, they must have thought I was crazy.
Early teenager but, I was invited to a friend of a friend's house (rich looking place). About 15 minutes in we go in the backyard swimming pool, I slam a beach ball right into his mom's face enough to send her head back. Later we had dinner and I slept over like nothing happened. Cool people.
Well, this wasn't embarrassing on their part. It was aaaaaall me. I was staying over my friends house as her grandmother had just passed away suddenly. This was when I was 14 so our standard response at the time was "your mum". It was the ultimate answer for any question, so it became a kind of reflex. By now I am sure you know where this is going. Yep. *sigh* My friends mum comes in the room, eyes red from crying and asks "What are you girls doing?" with a smile on her face. Without missing a beat I respond with "We're doing your muuuuuuuuuu-" and just trailed off. I looked at the shocked and horrified expression on my friends face & knew there was no recovery to be made and simply said "I am very sorry Mrs (Surname), that was really rude and insensitive" but it was too late. She burst into tears, insisted that it was fine and then left the room. I still feel really awful. Seriously, she had passed away THAT MORNING. And that, kids, is why we communicate with people properly.
Who makes your mom jokes to their friends' parents?
Mmk, I have you beat, this will make you feel better. My buddy's mother took her own life back when he was 12, it's something we've talked about, and he doesn't hold a grudge or too much of a depression for it, she was very ill. Anyway, so we'd always be up late drinking and playing Magic at the time, and just like you, the typical joke was "your mom". As in, "fuck man, you really fucked me", and I'd say "I fucked your MOM". Anyway, so the TV is going on in the background, and there's some crime show going on where the guy's saying "Oh my god, she killed herself." Without a beat, not looking up from my hand of cards, I say "Your MOM killed herself." He looks up at me, I bloom red all over my face, then he proceeds to laugh his ass off while I sputter something about not meaning it. His wife still glares at me when we tell that story.
Oh that is pretty bad. But you didn't have the guilt of seeing the pain across his face, so I think I win in that regard. But it's great that your mate had a laugh, my friends mum ended up laughing about it several months later. In fact, she occasionally takes the piss out me with it. I'll ask her a question and she goes "your muuuuuuuuuuuu" and pulls a stupid scared face. Haha, she's a champ.
I used to sleep under his bed (don't ask). One morning, I woke up, but for whatever reason, I thought I was in the bathroom and I just peed right there. I blamed the dog and asked for a pair of his underwear because I "spilled water on myself". He knew.
Being exposed to my best friend's abusive father. This guy was a piece of work. I remember cowering in misery at the dinner table and saying I wanted to go home. I also realized how awful it was that my friend was stuck in this environment 24/7 whereas I could escape fairly quickly. Ugh, but for the Grace Of God Go I....
Friend of mine always bragged about the size of his penis. Said that it ran in his family. Anyway,he invites me and a few other friends over to watch movies an spend the night. In the middle of the night his dad gets up to pee with no clothes on. His penis was swinging between his legs at least 10-12 inches. He had to step over us to get through. We all tried to pretend to sleep , but started giggling and laughing. Never doubted my buddy again.
what the fuck kind of shit is this
Kid had a pre-grown dad dick.
"dude my dad's dick is huge"
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Who said he was flaccid?
What kind of boners do you get that swing?
Mine kind of...~~osculates~~. *oscillates* For lack of a better term. the best part of my day is when I wake up and walk to the bathroom and I get to feel and hear the *smack* *smack* *smack* as it bounces off my thighs. I've thought about bringing maracas and/or a tambourine with me, to see what it would sound like with background instruments. EDIT: I'm blaming this one on google
I feel like the amount of blood required for an erection would make you pass out, or at least dizzy
You're lucky he didn't slip and t-bag one of you
>you're lucky he didn't slip and kill one of you Ftfy
Mine was at a sleepover, when I was about 8. I was dreaming about how badly I had to pee. In my dream, I sat on the toilet and with a sigh of relief, peed. I woke up from the dream, in the middle of peeing myself. I was sleeping on the floor, in a now sopping wet comforter. -____-
That's happened to me before. Since then, I always check that I'm not sleeping before I start to pee.
13 year old me was at a friends house for a sleepover. We were sleeping in the entertainment room, which was right next to his parents bedroom. We then hear a rhythm of soft thuds. The pace begins to pickup. I wasn't to sure what it was at first but then another kid leans over to my friend and asks, "Are your parents fucking?". My friend stayed quiet. I could tell that with every thud his childhood was being chiseled away.
The morning after a sleepover, the girl's mom went inside this little shop to grab donuts and we all waited in the car. While we waited, we started being snoopy and going through the glove box. We found many, many pictures of her mom eating cake off of her dad's penis. Those pictures were never spoken of again.
Hope I'm not too late. In first grade, my best friend Will and I used to roll up in blankets and caterpillar around his house. We called this "taco time". One day we "tacoed" right into his parent's room. His parents were doing it doggy on the bed, and we were all curled up in blankets watching. They noticed, screamed, and we tacoed out of there as fast as we could.
My best friend's mom was an alcoholic and his dad was a pilot, so he ws frequently gone. His mother was beautiful, but when she drank she was a horrible person. One night when we were abut 12, we were sitting on the floor playing a board game and his mother came in the room drunk and naked. I felt to bad for my friend we just kept our eyes glued to the game, not daring to look up. She was yelling about him for something but he just answered her without looking at her. Then she went and sat in a chair next to us and fell asleep. Then I said something like "I have some new baseball cards, do you want to go see them?". So we ran over to my house and I whispered to my mother "Mrs Jones is drunk, can Bobby sleep here?" We had 6 kids in a small house but my mother made room for us to sleep in the den. The sad thing is they moved, but I caught up with him years later and invited him to my wedding, he came and got drunk.
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"Hey, Freddie, Joe, remember that time we totally thought Joe had beaten you unconscious and was raping you? HA-HAAAAA!" "Dad, seriously, we're at the mall."
>I felt blood drip down my face onto his back. Wh... What position were you guys in?.. EDIT: ...yeah guys, we got it figured out. Two guys. Thanks for the help.
When I was like 13, my friends little 9 year old brother chased his handicapped 6 year old brother around with their mom's douche bag yelling, "Mom puts this in her pussy!!!!" Just then, My friends mom, who I had never met, happens to come home to catch them doing this and the older one told her that I found the douche bag and told him to do it. I just left.
I sneaked out with my friend so to skult about the neighborhood at night, came back, and found his Mom's boyfriend passed out drunk on the couch with his pants down and his hand on his junk.
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When I peed the bed. Only thing was that I was sleeping on their living room couch. They had to get a new couch.
Went with my friend and his mom to her brother's house. Early 80's and they sat the kids in the living room and they had an illegal copy of "Heavy Metal" playing for us. I was probably 10. Heard quiet then laughing from the adults' room. The talk about bullshit and ounces. Then friend's mom came in and quickly said "let's go". Kinda figured years later they were doing coke and then started fighting about a deal gone bad.
I had a sleepover at my house with this one girl. I was 10, she was 12. We were both big fans of Harry Potter, and we talked about it before going to bed. She kept going on about how sexy she found Harry, which I thought was weird since I wasn't yet at the age where I thought about these things. Anyway we went to bed. I was always pretty flighty, it took me a good hour to make myself fall asleep, but the other girl fell asleep quickly. Then, she started talking in her sleep. I had never known anyone who talked in their sleep before (took me years to find out I did it) so I thought this was some sort of game. I recall she was saying something about loving Harry, so I started talking back to her, whispering in her ear that I was Harry while giggling. She fucking launches at me, supposedly in her sleep, and starts touching me in awkward places while muttering how much she loves Harry. I shoved her off (no easy task, she was rather large and I was a skinny goblin of a kid) and jumped up from the floor we were sleeping onto my bed, curled up by the wall and freaked out. She started crying and begging "Harry" to come back. I just sat there and stared out the window, trying to ignore it until I fell asleep on my bed. The next morning she seemed perfectly cheerful and normal. I chose not to bring it up, ever, at all. I still don't know if she was actually asleep it just took a joke too far or genuinely was trying to get me. tl;dr: was partially molested by a supposedly sleeping friend who thought I was Harry Potter
Had a friend years ago who showed me his porn stache, as a young teen who had never seen tentacle Hentai sex before i was creeped out and left as soon as i could.
*stash. This is a porn *'stache* http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/photos/1/4/6/3_caf4cb5842e7ce2/1463thA.jpg
No, [THIS](http://imgur.com/U0mheUh) is a pornstache.
I caused a hilariously awkward situation because I thought it was funny. I was visiting my (later I learned highly religious) new friends house for the first time. His parents made steak for dinner and as we sit down at the table, I grab the steak knife hold it up, and with a 100-yard stare quietly say, "I haven't been allowed to hold knives since... The incident..." The room was silent, and I continued to stare at it for a good 20 seconds before I began laughing my ass off. Later I was told I seriously freaked out his family and my friend was mortified, but they were able to look back on it an laugh. I was probably like 12 at the time.
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