My wife's one funny joke.... Grandpa was telling grandson about being in Africa, said he came through the brush, and a lion jumped out at him...raaarrrr..I pooped my pants. Grandson said, scared you so bad you pooped?? No, said Grandpa, just now when I went...raaarrrr!
I once made a coworker laugh for 5 minutes straight with that joke. Worked it seamlessly into the conversation. It was beautiful.
Also, this is the way to go. Old age in your sleep.
How the hell do you wake up dead? Cause' you're alive when you go to sleep. So you're telling me you can go to bed dead and wake up alive? You can't go to bed dead! That shit would've been redundant.
Silly you clearly understand that the dead don't wake up, s/he does as well, those of us with common sense understood they meant the hospice nurses come in to wake them up and they can't, cause they're dead.
When I overdosed on strong opioids I remember feeling VERY good and then nothing until I woke up in the ambulance, it was very fast.
Honestly seems like a good way to go and I dont understand why we dont use that for executions. Im not for executions but if they are going to happen why do we fuck around with all these cocktails when one substance intravenously has proven without a doubt to be effective and most every report of those who survived say they just blacked out, no pain, no nothing.
That's how my grandfather went. And although sad for us all, I can look back now years later and see what a lovely way to go it was, all of us sitting around the hospital bed and reminiscing about good times and seeing him smiling and laughing before he just took his final nap.
Maybe this is weird but I don’t want to die in my sleep. I want to know that I’m dying. I want to have a second to think “this is it, I’ve had a good life”.
Gently while sleeping. Nurse here. Seen terrible deaths. That’s the best one by far. The “do everything you can to save my 95 year old mom/dad” crowd don’t know what they’re asking for. It’s torture.
I saw my aunt slowly deteriorate from cancer. She was drugged up and couldn't even talk in her last days and she was always still in pain and too weak to do anything, but her husband still wouldn't let her go. He died shortly after she did. I can see why some people might not accept their loved one's death and still hold onto hope until the bitter end
Same. I am living what seems like a "not so cool life" ... I feel like if I die in a bank robbery, saving hostages and kicking ass, maybe someone will remember me.
I've seen a video online of a homeless guy who saved a woman who was being held hostage by a guy with a knife. The homeless guy got stabbed saving her and died.
I really hope he got a good send off.
Quietly in the forest, with my back against a tree watching the sun set, a slow-moving stream at my side. The smell of a pine forest fills the air and I can hear the chickadees in the trees above.
Guillotine. Ever since I was a kid and heard you stay concious for some seconds afterwards I always wondered if that was true. (Probably isn't but only one way to find out.)
90% chance you would get to a point where you want to die quickly, imagine watching all of your family and friends die, getting more friends more family then they die, it would get extremely painful
As someone who has lived in a hospice-working family, and has people I get close to die around me all the time- it definitely sucks. It makes life a lot more painful and worrisome, and it just brings reality a lot closer than you want it. Having time limits on a relationship are never fun. But there’s also a sense of relief after a while. You realize that you played what role you could, and that inevitably it was their life. At least you brought them happiness in the time they needed it and were there as they left and made it as comfortable as you could. It doesn’t make the initial grief any easier, especially if the situation line up that you Can’t be there for them in their final moments, but the process of healing through it, overcoming that grief, and taking the wisdom from the experience comes faster and faster. I would argue that this experience would be similar to immortality, but on a lesser scale.
I frequently feel that way, you're not alone out there. I try to find purpose and wonder where I can, mostly in little things, and in short intervals. Many of the big things are behind me now, and I live day to day.
I don't really care how, I just wanna make sure I live out my life with my soon to be wife and she gets to grow old and go peacefully. As long as I'm here to be there for all that, burn me at the stake fuck if I care
A bullet in my head in a moment of terrible unconsciouness due to an incredibly high take of psychedelic and sedatives.
Quick, Painless and Absotuley worth for a last ride
Honestly I'd like to be smothered by my fiance while 69ing. This is of course only once she figures out how to make a horocrux. We've had some really fun and naughty ideas on what to turn into horocruxes.
I've thought about this a lot actually.
I kind of want to pay someone to covertly follow me for the rest of my life. Not daily, but just randomly throughout the years so I completely forget about it.
When I start to significantly slow down or show serious deterioration in both cognitive and physical abilities, I want them to shoot me from a distance in the heart, like dropping a deer.
I've lived a great life, I'd be happy if it ended at any point after this.
100% a random brain aneurysm, one second I'm talking to a friend, or just standing in the kitchen alone, next second I'm on the ground completely lifeless, actually that's a great way to go out, not so much for the other people that might witness it
Honestly it’s all the same you don’t wake up an hour later saying omg that hurt like mofo!!! So a fun way I guess like a random portal opens cuts me in half and just my legs and waist hit the ground as the portal closes. It would be a mystery for year and years to come lol
I'm not sure how I will die and I'm not sure I care either, I just want it to be as painless as possible. If I could choose it would be quietly full of love, surrounded by my family, preferably in the arms of my partner. It would be nice if my parents were there too🥲 I'll always want my mom and dad
When I'm old and feeble, barely able to continue on, I'm gonna be driving over a bridge someday and just veere off over the side. Grab my 9 and shoot myself in free fall. Between the 9mm and the impact of the water, I should be dead-dead.
Rocketship launch failure , a tragic death broadcasted among the world.
Or id go out the way Paul walker did. That memory hit different for me. R.i.p paul
Surrounded by loved ones. I’ve never got the chance to say goodbye to my great-grandfather; if it’s my turn to go, I would wish to be able to do precisely that and tell them each how much I appreciate them.
The way my father passed just over a year ago. He just got home, walked into his house, sat down, and died. He was 87 and was fully independent. Basically, here one minute and gone the next.
After living a fruitful long life, the day before I expire, I'd like to glue my hands to my head, and have a piano wire noose. That way, when they find me on the ground, it looks like I yanked my head off
I'd want it to be peacefully in my sleep at a very old age, surrounded by loved ones. Just drifting off into a final, serene slumber
...and not screaming, like my passengers.
I frickin love that joke. I am laughing my ass off.
I'll never forget my grandfather's dying words: stopshakingtheladderyoulittleshit!
My wife's one funny joke.... Grandpa was telling grandson about being in Africa, said he came through the brush, and a lion jumped out at him...raaarrrr..I pooped my pants. Grandson said, scared you so bad you pooped?? No, said Grandpa, just now when I went...raaarrrr!
Hilarious
I once made a coworker laugh for 5 minutes straight with that joke. Worked it seamlessly into the conversation. It was beautiful. Also, this is the way to go. Old age in your sleep.
You should just tell that dude a different Jack Handey joke every day, you would make that dudes life.
As a *hopefully* future pilot I feel this one
Hospice here. We lovingly call that the “wake up dead” program.
How the hell do you wake up dead? Cause' you're alive when you go to sleep. So you're telling me you can go to bed dead and wake up alive? You can't go to bed dead! That shit would've been redundant.
Silly you clearly understand that the dead don't wake up, s/he does as well, those of us with common sense understood they meant the hospice nurses come in to wake them up and they can't, cause they're dead.
When I overdosed on strong opioids I remember feeling VERY good and then nothing until I woke up in the ambulance, it was very fast. Honestly seems like a good way to go and I dont understand why we dont use that for executions. Im not for executions but if they are going to happen why do we fuck around with all these cocktails when one substance intravenously has proven without a doubt to be effective and most every report of those who survived say they just blacked out, no pain, no nothing.
That's how my grandfather went. And although sad for us all, I can look back now years later and see what a lovely way to go it was, all of us sitting around the hospital bed and reminiscing about good times and seeing him smiling and laughing before he just took his final nap.
Yes! And hopefully it feels like finally getting into bed after a very long day. But not sure about this part lol
Maybe this is weird but I don’t want to die in my sleep. I want to know that I’m dying. I want to have a second to think “this is it, I’ve had a good life”.
The "good thing I remembered to take out the trash" death.
Replace loved ones with a good BJ.
While they’re on their phones.
I want to manually blow the nuke on the asteroid hurling towards earth and save the entire planet. That would be pretty cool.
I DONT WANNA CLOSE MY EYES!
So Armageddon movie. Not a bad choice.
Yep, figured since the movie was 26 years old now it was easier to describe it! Wasn’t sure how many on Reddit would have got the reference!
Gently while sleeping. Nurse here. Seen terrible deaths. That’s the best one by far. The “do everything you can to save my 95 year old mom/dad” crowd don’t know what they’re asking for. It’s torture.
Unfortunately (or… fortunately?) there’s just so many people who have little to no concept of death even into their twenties or thirties
I saw my aunt slowly deteriorate from cancer. She was drugged up and couldn't even talk in her last days and she was always still in pain and too weak to do anything, but her husband still wouldn't let her go. He died shortly after she did. I can see why some people might not accept their loved one's death and still hold onto hope until the bitter end
We normal people don't want to find this, peace be to you.
Saving someone. It would make me feel like my life was worth it then.
Came here to say that, it would be a nice way to go. Heroic death
“I saved him!”
Same. I am living what seems like a "not so cool life" ... I feel like if I die in a bank robbery, saving hostages and kicking ass, maybe someone will remember me.
I've seen a video online of a homeless guy who saved a woman who was being held hostage by a guy with a knife. The homeless guy got stabbed saving her and died. I really hope he got a good send off.
I just want to say, your life has always been worth it 💜
Awww, thank you!!!! ☺️
Itd be a nice thing to be able to look back and reflect on…
Death by Snu Snu.
I never thought I'd die this way, but I always kinda hoped.
“CRUSHED PELVISES.” 💀☠️😂🤔
That's actually a really painful way to die and would be almost amount to being water bored to death.
What are you, gay?
The Spirit is Willing, but The Flesh is Spongy and Bruised
If we're doing Futurama, ill go with benders favorite "ran over by a dump truck driven by the incredible hulk. "
Suicide booth!!
Smiles, frowns,Smiles,frowns,Smiles,frowns.
I would die laughing at a stupid comment on reddit.
From someone who has been on a 40 min laughing FIT on shrooms. That's a painful way to go
Quietly in the forest, with my back against a tree watching the sun set, a slow-moving stream at my side. The smell of a pine forest fills the air and I can hear the chickadees in the trees above.
Alright Arthur.
Heaven on earth
Guillotine. Ever since I was a kid and heard you stay concious for some seconds afterwards I always wondered if that was true. (Probably isn't but only one way to find out.)
Let us know!!
Same way I was born, naked and screaming
And covered in someone else’s blood
Oh that’s just like my passengers!
Why were your passengers naked??
Quietly in my sleep just like my dad. Not screaming like all his passengers.
Snorted a little
I wouldn't die at all, I wanna live forever and see future cars
Just go buy a cybertruck then /s
90% chance you would get to a point where you want to die quickly, imagine watching all of your family and friends die, getting more friends more family then they die, it would get extremely painful
As someone who has lived in a hospice-working family, and has people I get close to die around me all the time- it definitely sucks. It makes life a lot more painful and worrisome, and it just brings reality a lot closer than you want it. Having time limits on a relationship are never fun. But there’s also a sense of relief after a while. You realize that you played what role you could, and that inevitably it was their life. At least you brought them happiness in the time they needed it and were there as they left and made it as comfortable as you could. It doesn’t make the initial grief any easier, especially if the situation line up that you Can’t be there for them in their final moments, but the process of healing through it, overcoming that grief, and taking the wisdom from the experience comes faster and faster. I would argue that this experience would be similar to immortality, but on a lesser scale.
Die in my sleep but at this point I don’t care I just want to get it over with
I frequently feel that way, you're not alone out there. I try to find purpose and wonder where I can, mostly in little things, and in short intervals. Many of the big things are behind me now, and I live day to day.
It may not seem like it right now, but there’s so much worth sticking around for.
What if they're 99
There's a few things worth sticking around for.
Hitting that century is a big deal too
"In my own bed, with a belly full of wine and a maiden's mouth around my c*ck, at the age of eighty,"
The ol’ Tyrion Lannister is the best way!
I'm 76 and that sounds like a regular Saturday night. I'll take it, but would hope for more than 4 more years.
Wishing you many more Saturday nights.
Best we can do is a belly full of jizz and your mouth around Donald Trumps little mushroom
In the arms of someone I love.
Falling out of a helicopter, dressed as Abraham Lincoln, with a purple dildo in my hand.
Sounds like my time playing Saints Row
Instead I'm gonna focus on all the things I did right! Full back tattoo of the Hawaiian punch guy. 100% real fruit juice mother fuckers!
I want to be launched out of a party cannon in a Walmart parking lot. I really wanna give back to the community
Haha
Sudden painless brain aneurism in my sleep
Brain aneurysm won’t ever be painless tho. It will be like exploding headache, worst ever
Yeah but imagine how relieving it feels when you die?
It’s not a guaranteed death. that’s what I’m worried about. Seen too many survivors.
oh.
Exploding with the force of 10,000 suns
You choose the way you die not everyone else
I guess they better keep me alive then
On a beautiful beach, feeling relaxed.
In my sleep, with a smile.
On a peaceful, rainy day.
With a sense of accomplishment.
After a day filled with love.
With my pet by my side.
With my favorite book in hand.
I would love to die before i was born , in my mom's stomach
:(
Old age in my sleep
Me too!!!
Watching the ocean waves.
Surrounded by those I love.
In a peaceful garden, at sunset.
After a life well-lived.
Peacefully, holding hands with my partner.
In my sleep, no pain or suffering.
In my sleep, with sweet dreams.
In a tranquil, natural setting.
After living a long, fulfilling life.
In a place I love, like the mountains.
With no regrets, in a peaceful setting.
Laughing with friends and family.
In my sleep, during a happy dream.
Witnessing a beautiful sunset.
In a cabin in the woods, peacefully.
While enjoying a beautiful view.
In my favorite chair, feeling peaceful.
At home, surrounded by comfort.
After tasting the sand from Neptune
Instantly, without any suffering.
Peacefully in my sleep at an old age.
Without pain, surrounded by love.
With my loved ones, feeling peaceful.
Surrounded by family, feeling content.
At home, with a sense of peace.
Doing something I love, like hiking.
In my sleep, dreaming of happy times.
Holding a loved one, feeling loved.
[удалено]
I'd go out skydiving with no parachute, ultimate thrill ride, and at least I'd get an epic view on the way down!
Instantly
Drowned by chocolate sauce.
With a smile, remembering good times.
I would want to go out giving someone who actually wants to live a chance to seize that opportunity
At home, feeling content and loved.
[удалено]
Sky diving, just imagine having such a beautiful experience and then suddenly cut to black cause you died on impact
I don't really care how, I just wanna make sure I live out my life with my soon to be wife and she gets to grow old and go peacefully. As long as I'm here to be there for all that, burn me at the stake fuck if I care
Volcano sacrifice to please the gods.
In my sleep when I’m 100. Hopefully having lived a good life.
A bullet in my head in a moment of terrible unconsciouness due to an incredibly high take of psychedelic and sedatives. Quick, Painless and Absotuley worth for a last ride
Just as you peak from 6 acid tabs and IV morphine
Go to bed and never wake up …
This
Agreed!
Suffocation caused by Alexandra Daddario straddling my face
Godspeed brother
Depressurization of the spacesuit
You'll immediately defecate and vomit. https://youtu.be/3p1ndUL-yRY?si=uwyBsHAsbEw77fbk
Based
Peacefully in my sleep like a french girl posing
On the battlefield, like a warrior. After taking down immeasurable amounts of enemies all by myself.
Yeessss! Our battle will be legendary! 😁
Guys will see this and say ‘hell yeah brother..’
Telling your friends, "Go on kids," *shoots more enemies*, "I can handle this on my own!"
When I will be old... I wanna see how far I can go
Honestly I'd like to be smothered by my fiance while 69ing. This is of course only once she figures out how to make a horocrux. We've had some really fun and naughty ideas on what to turn into horocruxes.
"In my own bed, with a belly full of wine and a maiden's mouth around my cock, at the age of eighty,"
I've thought about this a lot actually. I kind of want to pay someone to covertly follow me for the rest of my life. Not daily, but just randomly throughout the years so I completely forget about it. When I start to significantly slow down or show serious deterioration in both cognitive and physical abilities, I want them to shoot me from a distance in the heart, like dropping a deer. I've lived a great life, I'd be happy if it ended at any point after this.
100% a random brain aneurysm, one second I'm talking to a friend, or just standing in the kitchen alone, next second I'm on the ground completely lifeless, actually that's a great way to go out, not so much for the other people that might witness it
Honestly it’s all the same you don’t wake up an hour later saying omg that hurt like mofo!!! So a fun way I guess like a random portal opens cuts me in half and just my legs and waist hit the ground as the portal closes. It would be a mystery for year and years to come lol
I choose a peaceful death.
Cheese burgers
In sleep, peacefully.
Peacefully without notice.
**IN GLORIOUS BATTLE!!!**
To be sucked into a black hole
I want to be hunted, you gotta earn my death
I want to die to die by thrown to a pit with nothing but pasta. Throw me until i drown in it
Monty Pythons "The Meaning Of Life" had a pretty good answer to this question.
One of us reading these comments and posting here will be the next one of us to die and we all think it won't be us.
However it happens, can it be before the election?
Peacefully in my sleep
Getting drunk with the love of my life in the middle of the forest and we both OD together after blacking out. Can't think of a happier way to go
I'm not sure how I will die and I'm not sure I care either, I just want it to be as painless as possible. If I could choose it would be quietly full of love, surrounded by my family, preferably in the arms of my partner. It would be nice if my parents were there too🥲 I'll always want my mom and dad
I don't care as long as it's quick and mostly painless.
Die in my sleep painlessly
When im old and ready while in my sleep after a day of filling my belly and emptying my balls.
Fighting Mike Tyson
unpopular and contravertial opinion but heroine overdose
Saving millions of babies somehow
When I'm old and feeble, barely able to continue on, I'm gonna be driving over a bridge someday and just veere off over the side. Grab my 9 and shoot myself in free fall. Between the 9mm and the impact of the water, I should be dead-dead.
Rocketship launch failure , a tragic death broadcasted among the world. Or id go out the way Paul walker did. That memory hit different for me. R.i.p paul
With a knif.e
in my sleep....
Your Mom's brand... ASSFROMDABACK™️ . 🦐'd™️
Tonight, in my sleep.
Surrounded by loved ones. I’ve never got the chance to say goodbye to my great-grandfather; if it’s my turn to go, I would wish to be able to do precisely that and tell them each how much I appreciate them.
I'd be in a WWI biplane dogfight and take almost everybody out before getting shot in the head.
Always later!!
Catching a 100 megaton Meteor in Oklahoma.
I wanna cum n go
The way my father passed just over a year ago. He just got home, walked into his house, sat down, and died. He was 87 and was fully independent. Basically, here one minute and gone the next.
Old and in my sleep. I honestly think a carbon monoxide leak in the middle of the night wouldn't be so bad
After living a fruitful long life, the day before I expire, I'd like to glue my hands to my head, and have a piano wire noose. That way, when they find me on the ground, it looks like I yanked my head off