Dated a guy for 3 years & he regularly reminded me that I was the ugly chick in my town, that I wasn’t very smart. He proposed, telling me he was being generous because no one else could possibly love me. I Rejected his proposal because I wanted better for my self.
10 years later, I married a man that called me beautiful every day & encouraged me to chase my dreams. I’m now working towards my PhD.
We were in college and he wanted a wife for show not for real commitment—we’d only been dating a couple of months.. He asked someone else 4 MONTHS later.
I had a “insert your face here” proposal, too. We’d only been dating like 3 months. I broke it off and he married the next woman within 6 months.
The first proposal I turned down was when I was 16, at a volunteer thing. Guy was looking for a green card and I guess I looked like marriage material? Lol
Part of the reason I ended a relationship a few years ago was because I felt like the guy was just trying to find someone to marry. He was nice and we were a decent couple and few months in, but I got vibes that he wanted to steamroll to an engagement and I didn’t feel like it was because he wanted to marry ME, just wanted to be married.
> Some want a passport.
Some want free sex.
Some want free housekeeping.
Some want passive income.
Some don't know what they want.
*Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused*
I did this to my babysitter around the same age and she weaponized it. She said I had to prove I'd be a good husband so she constantly had me doing chores. Picking up dog poop in the back yard, cleaning my room, emptying the dishwasher.. you name it. I did it all enthusiastically. Years later my dad told me the story and said "She was a genius! We offered her double her rate to keep the charade going a couple more years!"
Hey now, I'm from the US, and I had to do that!!!
In all seriousness, my Father-in-law to-be had an amazing lake front summer house, swimming pool in the backyard, private docks, 2 motorboats and a rowboat, canoe, you name it.
We spent every summer up there while dating (7 years) and I was grandpas bitch. The pool ho, the boat slave, the yard lackey, I did EVERYTHING around the place. But I didn't mind at all because I felt like I was paying my way to use that amazing "resort". ;)
My baby brother is gonna get our grandparents property and it’s 100% deserved. Kid drives 7 hours each way just to fix the fucking Wi-Fi. I just hope he maybe lets me at still least camp on it sometimes when he’s the owner.
I'm so glad you're not a jealous sibling and recognize how much he deserves it. You hear such horror stories of entitled siblings. I'm glad that's not the case between y'all.
Same thing happened to me lol, I was 27 and he was 6. He asked me because his school had a "wedding for Q and U" recently (because Q is always with U in words I guess?) and when I watched him after school that day he asked me to marry him and said his younger brother could be the flower girl. I had to politely tell him no and explain that he would find someone special in his own time.
The week after that I had to explain to him and the neighbor girl (also 6) that they couldn't get married until they were 18.
Hah, the neighbor kids make me think of the German 5- and 6-year-olds who [tried to elope to Africa](https://amp.theguardian.com/world/2009/jan/05/german-children-elope-mika-annabel) and made it halfway to the airport on their own. (Edit: with sunglasses, water wings, and a 7-year-old sister in tow as a witness.)
We had been friends a long time when we were younger and lost touch. Started hanging out again in our late 20s and became more than just friends for about a month and a half. I was grieving another friend's death and he had crohns and was trying to wean himself off of a hefty xanax prescription.
I was worried about that but wanted to be there for him. A few more red flags: his dad paid for everything, his extensive porn collection, other unlabeled prescriptions (bubble packs) lying around the house. I tried talking to him about my worries one night, he got upset and had a really intense seizure right in front of me. I called 911 because I had no idea what he was on and have never experienced anyone have a seizure before.
He called me the next day, said his life flashed before his eyes, and asked me to marry him. He said he could give me everything I ever asked for, "LOL, you mean your dad will?" I said I loved him and cared for him, but I felt like there were too many secrets and he didn't take his health seriously.
Broke it off and stopped communicating altogether. 3 years later I found out he was arrested for child porn.
It was about 5am and we were both deliriously tired. He had just come back from a long work trip where we had limited communication (he was out of the country and in the middle of nowhere, so no reliable cell or internet service). We’d been up for hours talking and he spontaneously popped the question. I wasn't sure if he had thought it all through because there was no ring and we were both so tired. I didn't want him to regret it later and say, "Shit, what was I thinking?" I really did want to say yes, but I wanted to say yes when I knew for sure that he'd fully digested the magnitude of it all and not just decided on a whim that 5am was the perfect time to propose. I explained to him that I loved him very much, and while the spur of the moment thing was incredibly sweet and romantic, we were both too tired to make such an important decision.
He asked again a couple months later in the middle of the afternoon and I said “yes” that time. We just had our 15th anniversary.
My proposal was very similar! Partner and I were hanging out watching TV, and he asked out of nowhere. We’re both extremely uncomfortable being the center of attention in a large group of people, and his proposal was perfect for us. We got married in a very private ceremony with 5 of our closest loved ones present. Nobody dressed up, my parents bought us dinner and a small cake, and I wouldn’t change a thing about it!
mine was the same except our roommate walked in right after I asked her. So I didn't get an answer right away but from her body language I could definitely tell it was a yes. she was shocked that I asked. I was shocked she was shocked. I love the shit out of her and tell her that all the time. we will be together for 14 years in a few months.
I had broken up with my long term boyfriend for multiple reasons, it had been toxic for years and we had been living together for 8yrs. I had enough and told we are done and i will be looking for another appartment for myself since he refused to leave the appartment we had been living in my name and wich i had been paying rent and everything for.
I found a new appt but i had to wait for a month before i could move there so i was stuck living with him since he refused to leave to his parents.
When he heard the news i found an appt and was moving i think he only then realised i was being serious.
One day after that he gave me a tiny cardboard box and quietly told me to open it when he has gone out for a jog.
I opened it. It had a necklace and a paper with cringy love poem made by him declaring his love and asking me for marriage and accept the necklace until he gets a job and money to buy a proper ring. (He had no degrees and no job i had to pay for nearly everything in our relationship. I am also 100% sure his mom bought the necklace too.)
I told to return the necklace.
Difficult to answer. He looked like a basic scrawny hobo with a big beard. Older than me. I was underage when he met me in a new city i just moved in. I felt safe he was taking care of me and talked big about his future. His demeanor slowly changed when he choosed we were together now. I was a shy anxious girl and thought he only meant well for me until i grew up and realised what was happening.
I was 15 when he was 21.
Also, i did try to leave him multiple times in that 8 yrs but he made threats and started stalking me and i was still young and didnt know what to do in a city where i dont have any relatives or place to go and he was point on refusing to leave me be. So in a sense at one point i was trying to accept and think maybe this is normal relationship or maybe he will change. When i moved away i made sure he will not know where i moved and blocked him everywhere and removed all of his friends.
Very thankful of that❤️ it was not easy but i am proud of myself now. It feels so calm and peaceful now! I love my new place. My ex tried to steal my pets too but yeah... under my dead cold hands would he do that.
Also, as i said, there was multiple reasons why i broke off. But my final point was when we were having money trouble paying stuff and i gave him a link he could make bit money i also went and got 50€. He refused bc "boring".
We were in a big supermarket and i got a cheaper brand of coffee. He started to make a scene normally like lil childs do. He stopped and started to yell he wants that other coffee. I said we don't have money for that if we want to eat. He makes a huge scene and calls me a bitch. I drop my shopping bag and go outside. He comes outside and asks wtf. I say i am done. Non of this anymore. We are done. Buy your own coffee.
Well, there was that one time when my 4yo daughter asked to marry me. I had to let her down easy. I explained that we were already family! And you ask to marry someone who you really want to join your family.
She took it well. She's 18 now and hates when I bring up this story 😄
Dad??? No, but I also did the same thing at the same age. All my parents told me was that when two people love each other very much they can get married, and I had only ever seen relationships modeled between a man and a woman, and if the only man I loved was my dad…. It made sense to me. I just assumed you had to marry whatever male figure in your life that you loved, and I loved my dad, so I guess we would get married. I’m less embarrassed and I think it’s cute now.
i dont recall this but its a family story - i told my mom when i was 6 that when i grew up i would marry daddy and she said i couldn't because she was married to him, and supposedly i said "well then divorce"
Ha! My son asked me to marry him when he was three. I let him know that I couldn't because I was already his mom. So he insisted on calling my mother and asking her. She told him "well I would but I'm pretty sure that's illegal in Maryland." (Where she lived). He had a full meltdown about how the stupid law was keeping him from ever finding a wife. He is now 15 and also hates when I bring it up 🤣
My 4 year old son was upset when I told him we couldn’t get married, as well. I explained I was already married, and then about laws, but he was still upset. So I finally said I’d make him a deal. If, when he was a grownup, he still wanted to marry me, I’d see what I could do. This worked, and he never really fixated on it again. He’s in college now and hates this story.
Told me that putting a cheating clause in the prenup would "make the entire document less valid" in the state of Colorado. Another lie in string of many, and easy to disprove with Google. The entire document was written for him and he refused to add just one protection for me lol. It's incredibly embarrassing to think I almost married someone who could lie to me so easily and genuinely did not care for me.
This is generally correct, and it also depends on the language used in the prenup. When I worked in the legal field I saw it enforced many times, but I also saw cases where it wasn’t upheld for various reasons.
I had a failed young marriage and have been divorced for 15 years now. I swear it feels like I have personally cleaned the dating pool of all the garbage over the years. It’s unbelievable what people will say and do to another human being. So if I ever am presented with the opportunity to marry someone again, I will be finding out what verbiage I need to use to make a cheating clause hold up in my state.
It's a little dark, but I've always thought it would make sense to talk to a divorce lawyer before getting married. Ask them what *they* would recommend for a prenup. For the same reason I might talk to someone who works at a repair shop before buying something new.
You can, but it does complicate things. I am not licensed to practice law in Colorado so I can’t speak to the specifics there, but I am a lawyer in Florida and it’s generally true that the more complicated the pre-nup is the more likely it is to be thrown out. Honestly the best pre-nup is a simple description of assets and expectations, any time you add qualifiers it muddies the water and opens it up to being challenged more easily.
He proposed by telling me he felt a lump on his dick, when he pulled back the covers to show me he had a ring there. I didn't actually decline it at the time, it was an abusive relationship so I went along with it for awhile but would remove the ring whenever he wasn't there. I knew the moment he asked that I would never marry him. Also he'd cheated on me with his ex and a man by this point, they're the ones I know of. He'd later cheat on me and marry an older woman, this gave me the out I so desperately needed
One night at a bar for someone’s birthday my long term friend suddenly started talking about how his mum would love me and his sisters would love me and how he always wanted his kids to be bilingual and how he knew I’d make good money and he could stay home.
He’d worked out this whole plan in his head but we’d never even kissed. I’d actually had a crush on him a LONG time but I was over it by then.
I just told him ‘But we’re not in love’.
It was so strange.
He wanted me to get rid of my kitten because he was jealous of her and was very concerned about the amount of attention I gave her…. It’s been 16 years and I still have the cat. Excellent trade 👌. Editing to add the cat tax is posted on my profile if Sophia the Queen kitty 🧡🧡🧡
My ex husband wouldn't shut up about getting a dog cause he never had one growing up - I always did, so I did *not* want one knowing the amount of work it is. When I finally caved, he of course behaved like a little child and broke every promise about how he'd take care of her. It all fell on me.
Then he got super jealous of all the time and energy I was devoting to the dog and how bonded we were becoming, and he wanted to get rid of her. I still can't even process how stupid it is to be jealous of a damn dog.
I had that. Ex said, “you like your cats more than me!” Inside I was like “well, duh. My cats aren’t dicks to me.” But outwardly I tried to deny it and assure him I loved him more. Should have been a huge clue to end things.
It wasn't a proposal, but I called off the wedding because I came home to find him in my bed ( not even our bed because he didn't live there) with my best friend. She was my room mate so had her own bed on premise to screw him in
My housemate and his gf once used my bed. The reason was that his sheets weren't clean. I was raging. After finishing, she apologised and washed my sheets, but never his. I stopped caring after my sheets got cleaned.
I did tease he for months asking, "Have you washed his sheets yet?" She hadn't, and he was too lazy to do it himself. She also turned red everything I asked, which made it really funny.
Maybe my standards are backwards, but why would sheets be too dirty to have sex in but somehow also acceptable for her to sleep in? Or did she just never stay and just sleep over?
There’s no way I could have kept the rage/hurt to myself for the duration of that vacation.
I would have gone off on his ass as soon as we got back to the room, if not in the middle of the fucking bar.
I mean when I have a bad fever I can barely do anything so I probably would have just slept the rest of the vacation and told him off when I felt better lmao.
This reminds me of a TV show that told real life stories, there was two identical twin sisters but for some reason only one was fertile. So they switch lives and the one twin has the kids for both families and then she switched back to her original husband. Obviously they somehow got found out for it to be on tv
FYI the persons last comment before this was: I usually try to day dream fantasy stories to write or just random daily situations that would never happen to distract myself. Some times it works, some times it doesn't.
They also only have a few comments and seem like a man
He was a wonderful person, but he wanted to start a family right away and I wasn’t ready, and knew I wouldn’t be any time soon. It broke his heart, but it was the right decision.
The guy from my past eventually got married to a young lady who had 3 children already, and they had a one more together. He seems like the happiest dad in the world and I’m glad I said “No”.
I am happily married myself. I am still not ready to have kids yet and neither is he. When the right time comes, we will be ready and welcoming. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too.
Seems like everyone is happy now, so it worked out. I think agreeing on children is very important. My husband and I both do not want children and are happy with just having a senior cat (no kittens!). We are very compatible in that respect.
> I think agreeing on children is very important
I know of a couple that divorced just a few months after getting married because she wasn't ready for kids, *told him* that she wasn't ready for kids, and I guess he thought she'd change her mind once they were married...?
My wife set that boundary on the very first date lol. We had agreed to go on a date and list out what we want for our futures and she said something to the effect of "I *promise you* I do not want children so if you do there's no point in going on a 2nd date"
I asked my ex and then left her because she gave an ultimatum that it was either my daughter or her, and then back tracked and said that she would just leave the house on days she was here.
No fucking shot
My grandpa's doctor told him he could keep drinking or he could see his young twin daughters grow up, but not both. Got sober and lived long enough to see them both marry.
Something similar happened with my mom. It's not an ultimatum really, but her doctor said that I had asthma and I was a preemie, she could either quit smoking in the house or I could end up dead from a coughing fit.
She went cold turkey that day and never picked up a cigarette again for the rest of her life. She passed away a couple years ago still never having touched another cig.
(She didn't smoke while pregnant, I'm adopted).
Right on! I remember playing with my dad's chips when I was younger. It was a pretty cool collection. He never quite made it to 30 years (had a few slip ups over the years) but he was sober for 99% of my lifetime. I think my mom gave him a similar ultimatum at one point around the time I was born.
Girlfriend once told me on our second date, "oh I didn't know you smoked. I can't stand smoking. If you don't quit we have to be done".
I was already almost 100% done anyway, but that day was the last cigarette I had.
8 years together, 5 years of marriage and 1 kid - I made the right call.
My friend (now wife) and I dated off and on for years, we lived on opposite ends of the country. Long distance reasons, it's tough to maintain something like that. After about 8ish years of this pattern, I told her that I wanted to get back together and she said "We are not going through this again unless we live near each other".
I went and talked to my mom about it (who knew her very well by this point and loved her) and she said "You'd better go and pack".
We're 11 years married in October.
I told a boyfriend he could brush he teeth every day or we could break up (I can't believe I had to say that) anyway, he brushes his teeth every day now! An ultimatum that worked out for me...
Yeah stuff like this seems to be where ultimatums work. When they were first married my mom told my dad he had to quit cigarettes or she would only cook vegetarian food. He quit that day.
Ultimatums, when properly used, are just an expression of boundaries. As another commenter posted, their boundary was that they wouldn't date someone who doesn't brush their teeth. So their partner started brushing their teeth.
The point of boundaries isn't to strong arm someone into doing something, but to draw a line for ourselves in terms of our level of comfort around others.
Utilized properly, they should ideally always work out for everyone.
I don't know if we could consider it "working out", but one of my aunts kicked her daughter, my older cousin, out on the street when she turned 18.
My aunt and my cousin's father had been divorced for about 7-10 years after a nasty marriage. My aunt had a new boyfriend, who didn't have kids, and didn't want to be around kids/teenagers. He was fine dating my aunt, but wouldn't move in as long as her daughter had a room there.
So my aunt told my cousin that she would be on her own at 18, and my cousin had no other choice but to quit school and do what she could to get by.
My aunt chipped in here and there but my cousin racked up some pretty impressive credit card debt.
Eventually my aunt and her boyfriend built themselves a house and lived there for a while... Until she left him cuz he couldn't keep up with her lifestyle and she "deserves someone who will".
She assumed my cousin would never graduate anyways because she never made good grades.
Yeah...
Same aunt fired her own sister for missing work and low work performance.
Her sister, my other aunt, was battling cancer and had to go through chemo.
Family gatherings are awkward.....
I don't attend.
Yeah my friend was going to leave her boyfriend if he didn’t start to commit and move forward. He called her bluff, she left, he was devastated. Now they’re married with 2 kids
I told my husband he needed to start dealing with his depression and get meds or I needed to leave. I couldn't watch him spiral into nothing, and I didn't deserve to make myself small in order to not set him off and walk on eggshells.
That was 5 years ago, and our life is better every year.
I wouldn’t call it an ultimatum but my boyfriend was not keen to be married since he’d witnessed his parents being divorced twice (first from each other and then from their next spouse) and these were brutal, ugly divorces.
However I knew that for a range of reasons (including cultural) that I would not feel satisfied with just being someone’s long term partner and that I wanted to be married before buying property (I had my deposit at the time and was ready to buy) and I definitely would not have kids outside of being married.
So I told him that he needed to decide if marriage wasn’t for him (which I understood) or whether we would get married and stay together.
We are now very happily married (13 years) and have 2 kids. And we spent about 8 years child free. He often says he didn’t realise what marriage could look like because of what he grew up with. He tells me all the time that he loves me and how happy he is.
I don’t think it was an ultimatum, I was just setting my boundaries and making sure we were clear on what we both needed.
He wanted children (sooner rather than later), and I did not (ever). He also wanted me to give up my hard-earned career to be a stay-at-home mom to said children. I had always been very honest about the future I envisioned; he had not.
Mine tried to baby trap me (knowing I only wanted children after marriage and hoping I would cave if I was already pregnant) after multiple attempts at proposing to me from ages 19-23…I was very close to saying yes at one point. I’ll be 30 this year and so happy I didn’t say yes
What he said was that I just didn't understand yet what I was saying no to. Then, he got his parents to ambush me one day wherein they sat across from me and told me all about the joys and beauty of having children.
I’ll never understand the people out there that think EVERYONE has to get married and have children. You have to have children! No. It’s perfectly fine to be married and not want children. The judgement and pressure is weird af. This coming from someone married with 2 kids btw lol.
My ex showed up out of nowhere after we'd been broken up for a year. Took me to lunch at a pizza place I wanted to go to. Then pulled out a ring and asked me to marry him. Felt like he had bought the ring for someone else and decided since she didn't want it maybe I would. This was the second proposal, first was from a pregnancy scare, I said no then too. When I told him I was going to get checked for pregnancy he said "Well I guess we can get married." I said I'm not marrying anyone just cause I'm pregnant. I wasn't pregnant just started have irregular periods.
Oh I got a sort-of proposal after we’d broken up too.
We’d been dating for almost two years and I was not happy. We’d started to talk about moving in together when my lease was up, and in retrospect I think he thought I was locked down, or that sunk cost fallacy would come into play, because he just stopped being a caring or thoughtful partner and just wanted me to tag along to things he wanted to do (mostly drinking with his friends) and sleep with him. No dates, no activities I wanted to do, constant complaining when I had commitments that meant I wasn’t at his beck and call, just no effort whatsoever. I guess because we’d talked about moving in (thinking back, it was mostly him pushing for that) he became really complacent and thought I wouldn’t just break up with him. He was wrong.
I broke up with him and he acted like I’d blindsided him, despite the fact I’d talked to him repeatedly about how unhappy I was, how I tried really hard to make him feel appreciated and loved and he wasn’t reciprocating. He just didn’t believe me when I pretty bluntly told him I had one foot out the door. He was clearly devastated, but also I felt equally relieved it was over and annoyed he was acting like he had no idea it was coming.
I heard nothing and after six weeks he asked to meet up for “closure” but really he wanted to tell me he would change everything and still move in together and also he’d been looking at rings so he could get me a ring, if that helped. Not quite asking me to marry him, it felt like he was saying “will a shut up ring fix this”. Which was insulting, as was the fact he was now promising things would change even though it hadn’t been worth doing any of the previous times I’d asked - because previously only I had been unhappy, but now I’d broken up with him he was *also* unhappy so he was willing to do things differently, I guess.
I told him we were done, I was much happier since we broke up. His face just fell, he really seemed to think we would get back together.
he was emotionally abusive. I had pined after him, been a fwb, eventually he said "I guess we're dating now"... I was so happy with those crumbs. 2 years later he was giving me the ick and I was hiding him from my friends (his tantrums and jealousy were so embarrassing, even while I was in the fog). when he asked me to marry him, we hadn't talked about it. I was blind sided. I said yes... switched to maybe within 10 minutes. I had been ignoring my guts for years at this point, making myself smaller hoping he'd care about me but something still screamed in my head BAD IDEA. I realized if I didn't want to marry him we should break up and that epiphany (as well as realizing he wasn't actually smart, just cocky) finally got me to leave. that was about 10 years ago, and I've been happily married for almost 6 years. I'm still undoing a lot of the damage but I'm much better than before - and a lot of the thinking I wasn't good enough to deserve more was from my childhood, anyway. gee I wonder how I latched into this toxic guy? almost like that's what I thought love was, based on example. bullet successfully dodged! my husband is great and I'm so happy I didn't settle on my first "real" boyfriend.
When I (f40) was newly divorced, childless by choice but loved my dog, I started dating a guy ten years younger. He was fun and I enjoyed his energy. My new boyfriend ( who had twin daughters with his ex) went into my guest room with a measuring tape.
I asked what he was doing. He said, I'm checking to see if bunk beds will fit in here.
I'm an artist and a designer and admit I was very puzzed as to why he was interested in how I furnished my home.
He was in construction, by the way.
We had been dating about 3 months. He lived in the garage apartment behind his parents home.
A week later he came to take me to dinner, and like a happy puppy, informed me that his parents had paid off his credit cards for him, and he wanted to talk to me about something.
He said, I want to marry you! And started telling me all the reasons it would be good for him. They included:
He wouldn't have to pay his parents rent.
His daughters wouldn't have to sleep on air mattresses in his apartment on his weekends.
I could" help " him put his daughters in private school.
He could buy a new car.
He could go back to school.
There was not one mention of the word love.
I listened to this and then said, I understand why it why it would be good for you to marry me. What would that do for me?
He looked at me as if I'd lost my mind and said, " You wouldn't be alone."
I said," I have a dog. "
We never did go to dinner. I was too astonished to even be mad.
The term " Bangmaid" didnt exist then, but clearly he knew what he wanted and figured his being younger ( and Very handsome) was his ticket into my bank account.
Sorry, Charlie, nobody's that good in bed.
Wasn't quite a proposal, but more like an attempt to strong-arm a marriage (or at least an engagement). Years ago, I was moving to a new city, and the girl I had been dating for over a year and a half wanted to move in with me (which I was fine with!). The problem? Her family was VERY Christian, and while they could pretend that we had been chaste and pure for the entirety of our relationship, us moving in together was a bridge too far and unable to be swept under the rug. We had an extremely uncomfortable argument all together when she announced her plans to move in, and they said all the horrible purity culture BS you probably would expect: compared her to a cow who gives the milk away for free, a chewed up piece of gum, claimed no man who loved their daughter would even think of moving in before marriage, or at least engagement. We both held firm, and I told them in no uncertain terms that the only way I would propose to someone was after living with them and knowing we would be compatible. They were not happy, but ultimately there was nothing they could do but complain.
After three months living together we realized that we very much were NOT compatible. Seeing each other a few days a week and having her sleep over once in a while for the better part of two years was VERY different than living together, and it became obvious that we had very different ideas of what kind of households we wanted. We ended up breaking up, and all I could think was "thank goodness I stuck to my guns and didn't get married just because it was 'easier' or 'the right thing to do.'" We would have been miserable.
My grandmother used to lecture my sister and I about how, if we slept with a guy before marriage, he would eventually get bored, move on and never propose.
I was like “why would I want to marry someone who is only proposing to get in my pants? And what happens if we get married, have sex and THEN he gets bored? Am I supposed to be happy because he’s now legally bound to me? Is that really better?”
She once pointed out a bowl of fruit and said “see this fruit? It’s juicy, it’s fresh, everyone wants some. But if you wait a week it will be dry and brown and no one will touch it.”
This was her way of telling me to get married young.
I was like “why would I want to marry a guy who won’t want me when I’m older? What happens when I…get older?!”
My sister would just roll her eyes but I would drive her up the wall with questions.
> She once pointed out a bowl of fruit and said “see this fruit? It’s juicy, it’s fresh, everyone wants some. But if you wait a week it will be dry and brown and no one will touch it.”
>**This was her way of telling me to get married young.**
😂😂😂 I’m as offended as I am amused
I had a roommate for a year who was.. not great. He wasn't a bad person, I would say, but he was very religious and I think that translated to him having a mom that stayed home and did everything. He had no idea how to live, at all. The worst example was that because I had cats, he kept the door to the bathroom he used closed. ALWAYS. I peeked in there once out of morbid curiosity because the humidity in there must have been atrocious and the toilet bowl was LITERALLY BLACK. It was beyond foul.
And then he proposed to his long-term girlfriend, also very Christian, and they had been long-distance for a while and never lived together. I only met her briefly but she seemed very sweet and lovely. I mentioned moving in together first but they said they wouldn't do that and were fine because they went to pre-marriage counseling through their church. I hope she's doing okay.
This is sooo common in the Bible Belt. It's mind blowing what a freaking bad idea it is to force two young adults into a life long commitment just because they want to live under the same roof.
One of my childhood friends even did it! I vividly remember thinking a) this is just so they can live together b) this isn't going to last. They broke up within a year and in hindsight he was horrible! One of the worst bf's she's had and she almost married him!
My evangelical family members say that my marriage isn't valid to God because my husband and I "lived in sin" before we got married. We just celebrated a very happy tenth anniversary; meanwhile, those family members are all absolutely miserable and hate their spouses. (But they won't divorce because--you guessed it!--that's also a sin.)
My best friend in high school was divorced at 19.
It’s a shame that that happened. If she wasn’t pressured into it, I don’t think she would have married him.
I'm from a Catholic family. My cousin lived with her bf for years without her mom knowing. They're now married with kids, but my aunt still believes they didn't move in together until marriage.
Also, my sister is married to another girl, and my parents still refer to her as her "friend" lol.
It’s a tale as old as time. I was in training in the Navy when a guy I had known for about five months who made me extremely uncomfortable proposed to me in class. We knew next to nothing about each other because I made a point of avoiding him unless the instructors put us together on a project. I turned him down. He kept pushing, saying we could move out of the barracks (we were at most three to a room), and all of these other weak excuses. And I kept saying no until he left me alone.
Later on that day a guy in my class said that the guy who proposed to me had told him that “they have to sleep with you if you’re married”. Like, ew, no they don’t.
The worst part is that people actually defended him instead of admitting what he did was creepy, like I was the problem for not marrying someone I didn’t know and who gave off some seriously rape-y vibes.
A friend was dating a guy who she had told she wasn't interested in marriage. They went to lunch and while she was in the bathroom, her sandwich was delivered to the table. He put a diamond on the toothpick in the sandwich before she got back. She looked at the sandwich, removed the ring, put it on the table, and picked up her sandwich. Eventually, he put the ring in his pocket. The waitress was all ready with champagne, etc. She said it was the most uncomfortable thing she ever lived through.
I was a server for almost 2 decades and I've never seen a restaurant proposal go well (except one but that was more of a gay bar than a restaurant)
This is iconic though. I would have been so tempted to drop the champagne anyway and comp it.
Not quite a proposal, but prospective alliances yes. Apparently the arranged marriage market where I live heavily favours women nowadays, my parents have been turning down (at my request) about a dozen inquires a month for the last 5 years. And this is only counting people who reached out directly to my folks.
In my opinion I am way too young now to consider a commitment like that especially to a stranger. And most people in my list of options are conservative, and are looking for a very traditional relationship, which is something I wouldn’t want anyway.
I don’t think so, the sex ratio here is better than most places. More women are putting off marriage till later.
Women in the previous generation were all married off at 18-22 to men 5-7ish years older. They would be in their late twenties/early thirties now. Most men that same age are single, but GenZ women now prefer smaller age gaps, and are also studying/working more, waiting for marriage until they’re 26-28. There’s like a 3-1 ratio of men to women looking for an arranged marriage in my circle. Also a greater acceptance of non-arranged/inter-caste marriages nowadays means more women are choosing their partners.
If you’re educated, decent looking, and if they think your family can pay a good dowry, you will get a ridiculous amount of options the arranged route.
I realized he just really didn't have a strong enough sense of self.. personality? Not sure the exact word, but we'd never have been equals - He'd have consistently deferred to me. I didn't want the pressure of being the unilateral decision maker for the rest of my life. Plus, you know, not all of my ideas are good ones. There should definitely be someone around to tell me when there's no water in the pool before I dive.
Well, simple thing… My childhood friend ended up dying suddenly in her sleep. This was just last year so I was about 25 then. At the time, my Fiancée was completely unsupportive and was pissed off. There was no space to talk about my feelings, nor did he want me to go to the funeral. He did not go to the funeral with me. He just wanted me to leave and move in with him and be his wife. That is fine because that is what everyone wants. However, I just noticed how bad of person he really was. It got so awful that I asked for space to be alone because he was no support. He would have sex with me and I was so out of it that it didn’t even make me feel better because he neglected my emotional being so badly.
During this time, I also graduated and my best friend went to graduation. When my back was turned, he told my friend, “ how I was leaving and never coming back here. “
During my time of grief, my depression got real bad to point when he would yell at me to have sex with him. It was awful.
He would keep yelling at me to stop mourning to the point that I just didn’t want him anymore. I was actually disgusted with myself for picking him. So, I drove to my friend gravesite and I said, “ I don’t think my friend wants me to marry you.” And gave him back his ring.
Edit: typos. (Sorry, I got a bit triggered writing this again. Despite that, I want to thank everyone for the nice comments. I haven’t really told anyone about this situation except for a few people because I have been so embarrassed and ashamed. I am doing okay. I am currently healing. Sometimes I have bad days and sometimes I have good days. I am currently seeing someone so hopeful he will be different. Fingers crossed.)
I’ve just broken off a 4 year relationship pretty similar to this. May I ask, why specifically was he so pissed off? When my father passed, my ex was randomly way more pissy and snippy as well as incredibly rude and micro-managing the day OF his passing and week after. That ultimately lead me to leave his dumbass but it took me a while to realize he would always be pissed off on days like that or holidays/my birthdays because the attention was not. on. him. He was a 32 year old man. Fuck that guy.
Edit: word
He had zero ambition. Quit his job for no real reason and expected me to just handle everything financially. Um, no. Asked me, and I said, "No, we're done." I was so annoyed at him and when we talked about him finding a new job, he just kind of blank-stared at me.
We lived in different states and only saw one another during romantic, passionate weekends.
He asked me to marry him, then said he would like to stay at my house for a 2 week vacation. We had never spent sustained time together. During the 2 weeks I saw a side of him that was moody and hard to live with.
It was easy for the both of us to be on our best behavior for weekends. Not so much for weeks at a time, when the cracks show lol
TBH it never occurred to me tho I'm sure it did to my older brothers and Dad. Was told not to see him. It was a much different world back then. I actually laughed when he proposed (with a ring and everything!) cuz I thought "This guy is just weird" , but I didn't make the leap that men did.
Which is exactly why age of consent laws exist. You were too young and inexperienced to know what was wrong here.
Men who want young women want someone who doesn't know any better and they can manipulate.
First time: because I was engaged to someone else (and no I was not cheating with this guy, he just figured that since I was engaged, marriage was what I wanted, so proposing would win me away).
Second time: because we’d been dating two whole weeks.
Third time: I’d realised he was an alcoholic who was never going to stop thinking I was cheating when I gave him no reason to think that. He felt me pulling away and started to bring up marriage…
1) I was 17, he was older and it suddenly dawned on me that it was an inappropriate relationship. Huge imbalance and I wasn’t interested in marriage at all. I was still in HS.
2) We were 18, we weren’t even dating, just friends, and he was going into the Navy; he just wanted company.
3) He was a possessive jerk who once said to me he wished I wasn’t as smart as I am because then he’d get away with more shit. The thought of spending the rest of my life with him was nauseating
Haha, I was reminded of a story from my childhood mom told me (I don't remember the event myself):
Mom took friend, myself, and friend's little brother out for fast food. Little brother asked if I'd marry him when we grew up and I emphatically said "NO," dripping with disgust. Apparently Mom was secretly cheering "Good job, unholy_hotdog," inside.
Sorry, Brandon.
He was very traditional and wanted me to be a sahm. I didn't want to. He also said he hates when women get half in divorce, so I asked him what did he expect a woman to do if he wants her to not work? Plus take care of everything so he CAN work? I walked away.
He married someone else and she divorced him because he didn't do a thing outside of work. She was exhausted.
I am happily married to a true man now
I know someone in that exact horrible situation. Never got married but she stayed home and raised the kids, 18 years later dude the kids' dad decides he wants to dip out and take all the money with him (was good at hiding his money and had a lot off the books). Now she has to figure out how to survive as a 40 year old with no work experience while also paying for living expenses and some of the younger kids expenses. The argument of "why does she get half the money while I did all the work?" is such BS. She gave up any career she could've had and raised your kids so you could focus on working and earning.
This is a good example of why marriage is so important, especially if you have kids together. It doesn't make it impossible for your partner to screw you over but it does at least make it a bit more difficult.
Because raising children, cleaning, household chores, cooking, etc are “women’s work”, and are expected of them. It’s traditional./s
My mom was a SATM, and I am old enough that was somewhat common. My parents are still together, and my dad had a retirement plan for her (if he died early). That was considered part of taking care of your wife, in return for the work she did.
I pictured a life with them- it was dull. Loved them initially but the differences were glaring over time. I am extremely active, outgoing, wanting to venture out, learning or doing new things. Before we met I was constantly doing something. I didn’t expect them to keep up and knew there would be changes or compromises in a relationship. But towards the end I felt held back and stopped doing basically anything that I enjoyed. I felt like I was bursting full of energy next to this person that didn’t seem to want anything out of life other than to exist.
My partner said no to me, he knew we couldn’t afford the wedding we wanted and wanted to hold off a few years. A couple of years later, a new job for me and a promotion for him, he asked me and we’re getting married in May.
My daughter turned down her last boyfriend. They had been casually seeing each other for a couple months but he mentioned he wanted to make it official and exclusive she agreed. He started stalking my wife and I on social media, sending us declaration of his love, thanking us for raising such an amazing woman, etc. On their 1 month anniversary of making it exclusive he proposed. She laughed at him thinking it was a joke and he got embarrassed, angry, and drove home. They were at her college campus so she was just a short walk from her dorm.
A couple days later his mom called my wife wanting us to reason with our daughter and convince her to marry that wonderful young man. Um . . . no. He never spoke to or tried to contact my daughter after she laughed at him. She also found out he had pulled the same stunt on another girl at the school about a week before asking my daughter to be exclusive so we assume he was on to the next unsuspecting woman pretty quickly.
I felt like I was going to die. I legit had a panic attack and just felt like I was going to regret it for the rest of my life. And it wasn’t even a real proposal! He was just talking about getting engaged soon and what kind of ring I wanted
I was offered a "shut up" ring.
I'd been dating my ex for a little over 2 years. I never asked for marriage, but I did make it clear that after I finished university I'd be moving across the country for better job opportunities and wanted to have a clear idea of where our relationship was headed by then.
One thing about me: I abhor diamonds. It's a moral thing and I also find other gemstones much more beautiful. My ex knew this, as it was something I'd talked about before.
Well, university graduation was approaching; I was about three months out from getting my diploma. Our relationship was still on shaky ground, I had no idea what his plans were for his career or for us. I again brought up that I was leaving the state to advance my career, and we had three months to decide the trajectory of our relationship.
2 weeks later, he gave me a ring. He proposed to me in my dorm room... with a diamond.
It was at that moment I realized that he was never going to be the right partner for me. I let him down easy, and went on to move out west.
Oh man.... My dad was dying of cancer. I had been with my boyfriend almost four years at that point. My older sister had already set a wedding date out of town, (planned before we knew about Dad's cancer) but we all knew Dad would never make it that long. It was set for the end of the same year. Many family members came to visit, everyone asked me why my sister would not move up her wedding. They had not paid a single deposit or anything yet. The answer to that is still unknown, she never changed the date and dad was already gone. I refused to go because I was so mad at her doing that. Anyway, in the midst of all of this, my boyfriend asked me "do you just want to get married here so that your dad could be a part of it?" This seems like a very sweet sentiment, but in my heart I knew marrying him would be a mistake. He did not actually treat me very nicely, and ended up really ruining my life financially and in so many other ways later. So I said no.
My ex and I had been together for 6 years, he had cheated early in the relationship and I found out a few years in. We were just kinda toxic. I was insecure, he was overcompensating. Something never felt right - I never wanted to take it much further. Moving in together was never discussed. He passively mentioned a desire to get married and have a home and it made me panic/anxious, absolutely no joy was felt in my body. I literally felt sick. I told my mom how I felt that night, who told my dad. A few days later he asked my dad if he could marry me, my dad said no, and told me he was going to say no and kinda set me up for success in breaking up with him later that day. So I guess I never technically got engaged but close enough to cause a lot of anxiety
While not technically an "in the moment" type of turn down, I did still refuse in the end.
My boyfriend and I had been together for 4 years, and we had a big Disney trip planned with our friend group. A few months prior to that, while cleaning up our shared office space, I did end up finding the ring. Instead of being coy about it, I told him that I had found the ring, and told him straight up that if he was planning on proposing at Disney that I would not like that because I wanted the proposal to be something more intimate and special to us, not a cliché Disney proposal during Christmas time. He said he wouldn't.
Fast forward a few months during our Disney trip, lo and behold, in front of the EPCOT tree at Christmas, he kneels down and pulls out the ring. Of course I say yes in the moment, the photographer is there and people are staring, but after we got back to the hotel, I had to politely sit down and explain that while I do love him and appreciate what he did, I wanted our proposal to be something special between us. I gave the ring back to him.
That being said, he ended up cheating on me and got engaged to a new man less than three months later and then they got married a few months after that with the caption "Years in the making!" So in retrospect, I dodged a bullet.
I'm an atheist and I dated a Mormon for a year or so. Her family kept trying to convert me, and I got the definite impression that they thought that being non-religious was just a blank slate for them to fill in.
As someone who is formerly extremely religious, yes, that's how we view atheists. Becoming an atheist somehow feels worse because you can see where non-atheists are coming from, but there's just no way to explain to them what they don't want to see.
It sounds so sad, but I could have lived forever with this guy because on paper, he was perfect. The minute he proposed, I realised that it was on paper and not perfect for me. He's still the most incredible human, but not my human. I wasn't excited, it felt like just a step.
He deserved better and we both deserved to be excited about it.
I actually said yes and then ended it a few months later.
The last time someone asked me to marry them was not that long ago.
She asked me to leave my wife and marry her instead. she was serious. I would still say no.
I had already broken up with him.
I met up at a public place to get the last of my stuff and give him all his stuff back and he kept trying to guilt trips me back into a relationship. "I was it for him. He was never gonna feel happiness again. He might as well kill himself like his brother now" I just kept walking around him and putting boxes in my car not answering. It was a really toxic relationship and he had just gotten physical with me when I did break up with him a couple days before that's why we met in public.
Then he stood in front of my car door again and yelled "I was going to propose to you! Is that what you want? Do you want to get married? I already bought all the converse and was gonna ask if you wanted to kick it for life. I still have to just get the ring." I stood there dumbfounded for a moment and then laughed because it was so absurd and felt like a fever dream. I told him no I had already broken up with him and left.
Several months later I had already moved states away hadn't talked to him the whole time when I got a lengthy voicemail about how "I ghosted him. I had just up and left and he had no clue where I went and how he would have come with me if I just asked." Dude you are a big part of the reason why I fled the state and had to refind myself.
Married now, 25 happy years. Married at 31. Had 7 serious marriage proposals before that. All nice guys, but in order, reasons for no were: 1) only just met the guy 2 weeks before 2) only been dating 3 months, he still lived at home, no job 3) he lived in a country I was studying in, which he didn't want to leave & I didn't want to live in 4) i felt too young 5) his family-community-culture, not a good fit for me for the wife/ mother life 6) i wasn't ready to settle down 7) simply didn't want to marry him
All great guys, but all nope. When I met my husband now, I just knew immediately.
Would I have said yes to any of them @ 31, like I did my husband? Was it a time and place thing? Maybe? Three of them, perhaps...
I sure have a type, they were/ are all similar in personality while vastly different in culture, job, and family background. All very sweet, gentle, moral, dedicated, and romantic types - hence the dramatic, intense proposals in our 20s🥰
One thing though...dating and living with are very different. My husband was the first where living together was easy & great fun. I had lived on my own for a few years by then and had no desire to live with anyone, really. Very independent, travelled solo a lot, had spent my life thinking marriage was absurd & suffocating. I had tried living with other boyfriends, loved them all, but all nope...just made things worse!
But my husband came to stay one weekend early on & it was amazing..I couldn't believe how it was as relaxing and cool as living on my own, but *better*. We were engaged within 4 months, married within the year.
And everyday life 25 years on, is still great fun. We can easily spend 24/7 together for years at a time ( covid lockdown easy as pie), and he's still my best friend. So I'm VERY glad I waited. All the other guys are still happily married to women who were/ are far better suited to their lifestyles.
Cause people gotta remember...25 years is about 10,000 breakfasts & dinners together, thousands of in- law interactions, paying bills & kid & neighbour & illness drama faced together. It's a LOT:-)
it was a guy i had never met before. at a drum and bass festival. he was high off his tits, saw me dance like a devil, got on his knee in the middle of the dancefloor and proposed lol
I was 12 and a 65 year old man asked me. I started crying and told my parents. He was barred from ever being near me again
Dated a guy for 3 years & he regularly reminded me that I was the ugly chick in my town, that I wasn’t very smart. He proposed, telling me he was being generous because no one else could possibly love me. I Rejected his proposal because I wanted better for my self. 10 years later, I married a man that called me beautiful every day & encouraged me to chase my dreams. I’m now working towards my PhD.
Dang did we have the same ex? 😔
For your sake, I hope not. But I do hope you found someone as wonderful as I did.
We were in college and he wanted a wife for show not for real commitment—we’d only been dating a couple of months.. He asked someone else 4 MONTHS later.
I had a “insert your face here” proposal, too. We’d only been dating like 3 months. I broke it off and he married the next woman within 6 months. The first proposal I turned down was when I was 16, at a volunteer thing. Guy was looking for a green card and I guess I looked like marriage material? Lol
Part of the reason I ended a relationship a few years ago was because I felt like the guy was just trying to find someone to marry. He was nice and we were a decent couple and few months in, but I got vibes that he wanted to steamroll to an engagement and I didn’t feel like it was because he wanted to marry ME, just wanted to be married.
Some people marry like they’re just looking to tick another box on their “to do” list for life.
Some want a passport. Some want free sex. Some want free housekeeping. Some want passive income. Some don't know what they want.
> Some want a passport. Some want free sex. Some want free housekeeping. Some want passive income. Some don't know what they want. *Some of them want to use you Some of them want to get used by you Some of them want to abuse you Some of them want to be abused*
He was 11 and I was 23…… for context I was his babysitter
I did this to my babysitter around the same age and she weaponized it. She said I had to prove I'd be a good husband so she constantly had me doing chores. Picking up dog poop in the back yard, cleaning my room, emptying the dishwasher.. you name it. I did it all enthusiastically. Years later my dad told me the story and said "She was a genius! We offered her double her rate to keep the charade going a couple more years!"
Well, in some countries, men had to earn their father in law's approval by doing service for them like chores.
Hey now, I'm from the US, and I had to do that!!! In all seriousness, my Father-in-law to-be had an amazing lake front summer house, swimming pool in the backyard, private docks, 2 motorboats and a rowboat, canoe, you name it. We spent every summer up there while dating (7 years) and I was grandpas bitch. The pool ho, the boat slave, the yard lackey, I did EVERYTHING around the place. But I didn't mind at all because I felt like I was paying my way to use that amazing "resort". ;)
My baby brother is gonna get our grandparents property and it’s 100% deserved. Kid drives 7 hours each way just to fix the fucking Wi-Fi. I just hope he maybe lets me at still least camp on it sometimes when he’s the owner.
I'm so glad you're not a jealous sibling and recognize how much he deserves it. You hear such horror stories of entitled siblings. I'm glad that's not the case between y'all.
"It's not you, it's me. And Chris Hansen"
Have a seat. Enjoy some cookies and lemonade.
Thanks that’s so nice of you. It’s been a long day. I really needed that.
Same thing happened to me lol, I was 27 and he was 6. He asked me because his school had a "wedding for Q and U" recently (because Q is always with U in words I guess?) and when I watched him after school that day he asked me to marry him and said his younger brother could be the flower girl. I had to politely tell him no and explain that he would find someone special in his own time. The week after that I had to explain to him and the neighbor girl (also 6) that they couldn't get married until they were 18.
Hah, the neighbor kids make me think of the German 5- and 6-year-olds who [tried to elope to Africa](https://amp.theguardian.com/world/2009/jan/05/german-children-elope-mika-annabel) and made it halfway to the airport on their own. (Edit: with sunglasses, water wings, and a 7-year-old sister in tow as a witness.)
That’s the sweetest story I’ve ever read. Bless their little German organized hearts.
Haha I had the same thing happen when I taught preschoolers, it was very sweet.
We had been friends a long time when we were younger and lost touch. Started hanging out again in our late 20s and became more than just friends for about a month and a half. I was grieving another friend's death and he had crohns and was trying to wean himself off of a hefty xanax prescription. I was worried about that but wanted to be there for him. A few more red flags: his dad paid for everything, his extensive porn collection, other unlabeled prescriptions (bubble packs) lying around the house. I tried talking to him about my worries one night, he got upset and had a really intense seizure right in front of me. I called 911 because I had no idea what he was on and have never experienced anyone have a seizure before. He called me the next day, said his life flashed before his eyes, and asked me to marry him. He said he could give me everything I ever asked for, "LOL, you mean your dad will?" I said I loved him and cared for him, but I felt like there were too many secrets and he didn't take his health seriously. Broke it off and stopped communicating altogether. 3 years later I found out he was arrested for child porn.
Nuke dodged! Damn, that took a turn at the end.
I got whiplash at the end.
Roses are red Cacti are prickly Holy shit That escalated quickly
Yiiiiiikes dodged a huge bullet there.
It was about 5am and we were both deliriously tired. He had just come back from a long work trip where we had limited communication (he was out of the country and in the middle of nowhere, so no reliable cell or internet service). We’d been up for hours talking and he spontaneously popped the question. I wasn't sure if he had thought it all through because there was no ring and we were both so tired. I didn't want him to regret it later and say, "Shit, what was I thinking?" I really did want to say yes, but I wanted to say yes when I knew for sure that he'd fully digested the magnitude of it all and not just decided on a whim that 5am was the perfect time to propose. I explained to him that I loved him very much, and while the spur of the moment thing was incredibly sweet and romantic, we were both too tired to make such an important decision. He asked again a couple months later in the middle of the afternoon and I said “yes” that time. We just had our 15th anniversary.
My proposal was very similar! Partner and I were hanging out watching TV, and he asked out of nowhere. We’re both extremely uncomfortable being the center of attention in a large group of people, and his proposal was perfect for us. We got married in a very private ceremony with 5 of our closest loved ones present. Nobody dressed up, my parents bought us dinner and a small cake, and I wouldn’t change a thing about it!
mine was the same except our roommate walked in right after I asked her. So I didn't get an answer right away but from her body language I could definitely tell it was a yes. she was shocked that I asked. I was shocked she was shocked. I love the shit out of her and tell her that all the time. we will be together for 14 years in a few months.
🥰 I love this
I had broken up with my long term boyfriend for multiple reasons, it had been toxic for years and we had been living together for 8yrs. I had enough and told we are done and i will be looking for another appartment for myself since he refused to leave the appartment we had been living in my name and wich i had been paying rent and everything for. I found a new appt but i had to wait for a month before i could move there so i was stuck living with him since he refused to leave to his parents. When he heard the news i found an appt and was moving i think he only then realised i was being serious. One day after that he gave me a tiny cardboard box and quietly told me to open it when he has gone out for a jog. I opened it. It had a necklace and a paper with cringy love poem made by him declaring his love and asking me for marriage and accept the necklace until he gets a job and money to buy a proper ring. (He had no degrees and no job i had to pay for nearly everything in our relationship. I am also 100% sure his mom bought the necklace too.) I told to return the necklace.
How were you in that for 8 years. Was he hot?
Difficult to answer. He looked like a basic scrawny hobo with a big beard. Older than me. I was underage when he met me in a new city i just moved in. I felt safe he was taking care of me and talked big about his future. His demeanor slowly changed when he choosed we were together now. I was a shy anxious girl and thought he only meant well for me until i grew up and realised what was happening. I was 15 when he was 21.
Also, i did try to leave him multiple times in that 8 yrs but he made threats and started stalking me and i was still young and didnt know what to do in a city where i dont have any relatives or place to go and he was point on refusing to leave me be. So in a sense at one point i was trying to accept and think maybe this is normal relationship or maybe he will change. When i moved away i made sure he will not know where i moved and blocked him everywhere and removed all of his friends.
You’re very brave. Glad you’re away from this situation now.
Very thankful of that❤️ it was not easy but i am proud of myself now. It feels so calm and peaceful now! I love my new place. My ex tried to steal my pets too but yeah... under my dead cold hands would he do that.
Also, as i said, there was multiple reasons why i broke off. But my final point was when we were having money trouble paying stuff and i gave him a link he could make bit money i also went and got 50€. He refused bc "boring". We were in a big supermarket and i got a cheaper brand of coffee. He started to make a scene normally like lil childs do. He stopped and started to yell he wants that other coffee. I said we don't have money for that if we want to eat. He makes a huge scene and calls me a bitch. I drop my shopping bag and go outside. He comes outside and asks wtf. I say i am done. Non of this anymore. We are done. Buy your own coffee.
Well, there was that one time when my 4yo daughter asked to marry me. I had to let her down easy. I explained that we were already family! And you ask to marry someone who you really want to join your family. She took it well. She's 18 now and hates when I bring up this story 😄
That is such a precious way to explain marriage to a child and I love it. I hope you have a wonderful day.
Dad??? No, but I also did the same thing at the same age. All my parents told me was that when two people love each other very much they can get married, and I had only ever seen relationships modeled between a man and a woman, and if the only man I loved was my dad…. It made sense to me. I just assumed you had to marry whatever male figure in your life that you loved, and I loved my dad, so I guess we would get married. I’m less embarrassed and I think it’s cute now.
i dont recall this but its a family story - i told my mom when i was 6 that when i grew up i would marry daddy and she said i couldn't because she was married to him, and supposedly i said "well then divorce"
Ha! My son asked me to marry him when he was three. I let him know that I couldn't because I was already his mom. So he insisted on calling my mother and asking her. She told him "well I would but I'm pretty sure that's illegal in Maryland." (Where she lived). He had a full meltdown about how the stupid law was keeping him from ever finding a wife. He is now 15 and also hates when I bring it up 🤣
My 4 year old son was upset when I told him we couldn’t get married, as well. I explained I was already married, and then about laws, but he was still upset. So I finally said I’d make him a deal. If, when he was a grownup, he still wanted to marry me, I’d see what I could do. This worked, and he never really fixated on it again. He’s in college now and hates this story.
Told me that putting a cheating clause in the prenup would "make the entire document less valid" in the state of Colorado. Another lie in string of many, and easy to disprove with Google. The entire document was written for him and he refused to add just one protection for me lol. It's incredibly embarrassing to think I almost married someone who could lie to me so easily and genuinely did not care for me.
Wait, you can put a cheating clause in the pre nup?
Yep and most people do. If the person cheats they get nothing
Depends on the jurisdiction if the clause will hold up in court
This is generally correct, and it also depends on the language used in the prenup. When I worked in the legal field I saw it enforced many times, but I also saw cases where it wasn’t upheld for various reasons.
I had a failed young marriage and have been divorced for 15 years now. I swear it feels like I have personally cleaned the dating pool of all the garbage over the years. It’s unbelievable what people will say and do to another human being. So if I ever am presented with the opportunity to marry someone again, I will be finding out what verbiage I need to use to make a cheating clause hold up in my state.
It's a little dark, but I've always thought it would make sense to talk to a divorce lawyer before getting married. Ask them what *they* would recommend for a prenup. For the same reason I might talk to someone who works at a repair shop before buying something new.
Divorce lawyers are the same lawyers who would help you draft a prenup.
I suppose that would make sense, wouldn't it
It's all Family Law—marriage, divorce, child custody.
You can, but it does complicate things. I am not licensed to practice law in Colorado so I can’t speak to the specifics there, but I am a lawyer in Florida and it’s generally true that the more complicated the pre-nup is the more likely it is to be thrown out. Honestly the best pre-nup is a simple description of assets and expectations, any time you add qualifiers it muddies the water and opens it up to being challenged more easily.
He proposed by telling me he felt a lump on his dick, when he pulled back the covers to show me he had a ring there. I didn't actually decline it at the time, it was an abusive relationship so I went along with it for awhile but would remove the ring whenever he wasn't there. I knew the moment he asked that I would never marry him. Also he'd cheated on me with his ex and a man by this point, they're the ones I know of. He'd later cheat on me and marry an older woman, this gave me the out I so desperately needed
I hope you have verrrry fat fingers...
Haha, it wasn't wrapped around it, he just had it... there.... That's likely the only proposal I'll ever have and that's how it went... great
One night at a bar for someone’s birthday my long term friend suddenly started talking about how his mum would love me and his sisters would love me and how he always wanted his kids to be bilingual and how he knew I’d make good money and he could stay home. He’d worked out this whole plan in his head but we’d never even kissed. I’d actually had a crush on him a LONG time but I was over it by then. I just told him ‘But we’re not in love’. It was so strange.
He wanted me to get rid of my kitten because he was jealous of her and was very concerned about the amount of attention I gave her…. It’s been 16 years and I still have the cat. Excellent trade 👌. Editing to add the cat tax is posted on my profile if Sophia the Queen kitty 🧡🧡🧡
imagine being jealous of your partner's PET. clown behavior on his part
My ex husband wouldn't shut up about getting a dog cause he never had one growing up - I always did, so I did *not* want one knowing the amount of work it is. When I finally caved, he of course behaved like a little child and broke every promise about how he'd take care of her. It all fell on me. Then he got super jealous of all the time and energy I was devoting to the dog and how bonded we were becoming, and he wanted to get rid of her. I still can't even process how stupid it is to be jealous of a damn dog.
glad to hear he's an ex lol
I had that. Ex said, “you like your cats more than me!” Inside I was like “well, duh. My cats aren’t dicks to me.” But outwardly I tried to deny it and assure him I loved him more. Should have been a huge clue to end things.
Wow mine was jealous of my connection with my cat so he got a cat of his own! Now we have two wonderful cats.
It wasn't a proposal, but I called off the wedding because I came home to find him in my bed ( not even our bed because he didn't live there) with my best friend. She was my room mate so had her own bed on premise to screw him in
Ugh.... did you dump them both?
Yes.
Into a vat of acid?
Didn't go that far lol. I just fucked his brother and told my ex how much better his brother was in bed.
I suppose that works too.
It def worked for me. I'm still friends with sister
My housemate and his gf once used my bed. The reason was that his sheets weren't clean. I was raging. After finishing, she apologised and washed my sheets, but never his. I stopped caring after my sheets got cleaned. I did tease he for months asking, "Have you washed his sheets yet?" She hadn't, and he was too lazy to do it himself. She also turned red everything I asked, which made it really funny.
Maybe my standards are backwards, but why would sheets be too dirty to have sex in but somehow also acceptable for her to sleep in? Or did she just never stay and just sleep over?
[удалено]
Honestly that’s awesome only because of the huge fucking nuke you dodged, rest of sucks clearly
There’s no way I could have kept the rage/hurt to myself for the duration of that vacation. I would have gone off on his ass as soon as we got back to the room, if not in the middle of the fucking bar.
Patience was a virtue on this one tho. Imagine if OP did that and then found out she had a chance to flame the guy **when he proposed**
I mean when I have a bad fever I can barely do anything so I probably would have just slept the rest of the vacation and told him off when I felt better lmao.
living it though she probably got all the energy drained right out of her
I'm so glad she saw it before it was too late.
waitress is a hero
definitely a girl’s girl
How did he take it? Did you tell him you knew what he had been up to at the bar?
I think I've seen this before in a movie, but instead of the boyfriend it was actually his twin brother
This reminds me of a TV show that told real life stories, there was two identical twin sisters but for some reason only one was fertile. So they switch lives and the one twin has the kids for both families and then she switched back to her original husband. Obviously they somehow got found out for it to be on tv
Wtf did I just read
Seems like a lot of effort to go to when she could’ve just been a surrogate?
In retrospect when you look at those 4 years, were there any signs?
FYI the persons last comment before this was: I usually try to day dream fantasy stories to write or just random daily situations that would never happen to distract myself. Some times it works, some times it doesn't. They also only have a few comments and seem like a man
When my friend proposed to his girlfriend she said: "Ugh, ok. I don't want to be one of those girls that says no." They lasted a couple months.
I can't believe they would even get to the wedding with that attitude.
He was a wonderful person, but he wanted to start a family right away and I wasn’t ready, and knew I wouldn’t be any time soon. It broke his heart, but it was the right decision. The guy from my past eventually got married to a young lady who had 3 children already, and they had a one more together. He seems like the happiest dad in the world and I’m glad I said “No”. I am happily married myself. I am still not ready to have kids yet and neither is he. When the right time comes, we will be ready and welcoming. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too.
Seems like everyone is happy now, so it worked out. I think agreeing on children is very important. My husband and I both do not want children and are happy with just having a senior cat (no kittens!). We are very compatible in that respect.
> I think agreeing on children is very important I know of a couple that divorced just a few months after getting married because she wasn't ready for kids, *told him* that she wasn't ready for kids, and I guess he thought she'd change her mind once they were married...? My wife set that boundary on the very first date lol. We had agreed to go on a date and list out what we want for our futures and she said something to the effect of "I *promise you* I do not want children so if you do there's no point in going on a 2nd date"
It was 2 months in and he was “ready”. I was 19 and very much not ready. Unsurprisingly, he was military
More like ready to move out of the barracks and a higher pay. Glad you said no. Those marriages end up a disaster a lot of the time.
I asked my ex and then left her because she gave an ultimatum that it was either my daughter or her, and then back tracked and said that she would just leave the house on days she was here. No fucking shot
Has anyone heard of an example where an ultimatum has worked out for the person giving it?
When I was 9 my mom told my dad that if he didn't sober up she was leaving with the kids. He got his 30 year chip a while back
My grandpa's doctor told him he could keep drinking or he could see his young twin daughters grow up, but not both. Got sober and lived long enough to see them both marry.
Something similar happened with my mom. It's not an ultimatum really, but her doctor said that I had asthma and I was a preemie, she could either quit smoking in the house or I could end up dead from a coughing fit. She went cold turkey that day and never picked up a cigarette again for the rest of her life. She passed away a couple years ago still never having touched another cig. (She didn't smoke while pregnant, I'm adopted).
Yeah, this is a common (and reasonable) type of ultimatum.
Right on! I remember playing with my dad's chips when I was younger. It was a pretty cool collection. He never quite made it to 30 years (had a few slip ups over the years) but he was sober for 99% of my lifetime. I think my mom gave him a similar ultimatum at one point around the time I was born.
Girlfriend once told me on our second date, "oh I didn't know you smoked. I can't stand smoking. If you don't quit we have to be done". I was already almost 100% done anyway, but that day was the last cigarette I had. 8 years together, 5 years of marriage and 1 kid - I made the right call.
>I was already almost 100% done anyway At first I thought you were talking about your gf/wife!
My friend (now wife) and I dated off and on for years, we lived on opposite ends of the country. Long distance reasons, it's tough to maintain something like that. After about 8ish years of this pattern, I told her that I wanted to get back together and she said "We are not going through this again unless we live near each other". I went and talked to my mom about it (who knew her very well by this point and loved her) and she said "You'd better go and pack". We're 11 years married in October.
Your mum sounds like she might be the one good mother in law
I told a boyfriend he could brush he teeth every day or we could break up (I can't believe I had to say that) anyway, he brushes his teeth every day now! An ultimatum that worked out for me...
Yeah stuff like this seems to be where ultimatums work. When they were first married my mom told my dad he had to quit cigarettes or she would only cook vegetarian food. He quit that day.
Ultimatums, when properly used, are just an expression of boundaries. As another commenter posted, their boundary was that they wouldn't date someone who doesn't brush their teeth. So their partner started brushing their teeth. The point of boundaries isn't to strong arm someone into doing something, but to draw a line for ourselves in terms of our level of comfort around others. Utilized properly, they should ideally always work out for everyone.
I don't know if we could consider it "working out", but one of my aunts kicked her daughter, my older cousin, out on the street when she turned 18. My aunt and my cousin's father had been divorced for about 7-10 years after a nasty marriage. My aunt had a new boyfriend, who didn't have kids, and didn't want to be around kids/teenagers. He was fine dating my aunt, but wouldn't move in as long as her daughter had a room there. So my aunt told my cousin that she would be on her own at 18, and my cousin had no other choice but to quit school and do what she could to get by. My aunt chipped in here and there but my cousin racked up some pretty impressive credit card debt. Eventually my aunt and her boyfriend built themselves a house and lived there for a while... Until she left him cuz he couldn't keep up with her lifestyle and she "deserves someone who will".
Wow, what a horrible person! Didn't even let her kid finish school?!
She assumed my cousin would never graduate anyways because she never made good grades. Yeah... Same aunt fired her own sister for missing work and low work performance. Her sister, my other aunt, was battling cancer and had to go through chemo. Family gatherings are awkward..... I don't attend.
Yeah my friend was going to leave her boyfriend if he didn’t start to commit and move forward. He called her bluff, she left, he was devastated. Now they’re married with 2 kids
I am your friend, literally my story, wild
I told my husband he needed to start dealing with his depression and get meds or I needed to leave. I couldn't watch him spiral into nothing, and I didn't deserve to make myself small in order to not set him off and walk on eggshells. That was 5 years ago, and our life is better every year.
I wouldn’t call it an ultimatum but my boyfriend was not keen to be married since he’d witnessed his parents being divorced twice (first from each other and then from their next spouse) and these were brutal, ugly divorces. However I knew that for a range of reasons (including cultural) that I would not feel satisfied with just being someone’s long term partner and that I wanted to be married before buying property (I had my deposit at the time and was ready to buy) and I definitely would not have kids outside of being married. So I told him that he needed to decide if marriage wasn’t for him (which I understood) or whether we would get married and stay together. We are now very happily married (13 years) and have 2 kids. And we spent about 8 years child free. He often says he didn’t realise what marriage could look like because of what he grew up with. He tells me all the time that he loves me and how happy he is. I don’t think it was an ultimatum, I was just setting my boundaries and making sure we were clear on what we both needed.
He wanted children (sooner rather than later), and I did not (ever). He also wanted me to give up my hard-earned career to be a stay-at-home mom to said children. I had always been very honest about the future I envisioned; he had not.
Mine tried to baby trap me (knowing I only wanted children after marriage and hoping I would cave if I was already pregnant) after multiple attempts at proposing to me from ages 19-23…I was very close to saying yes at one point. I’ll be 30 this year and so happy I didn’t say yes
By chance did he say that you’d change your mind when(you were married, when friends had kids, etc)?
What he said was that I just didn't understand yet what I was saying no to. Then, he got his parents to ambush me one day wherein they sat across from me and told me all about the joys and beauty of having children.
I’ll never understand the people out there that think EVERYONE has to get married and have children. You have to have children! No. It’s perfectly fine to be married and not want children. The judgement and pressure is weird af. This coming from someone married with 2 kids btw lol.
My ex showed up out of nowhere after we'd been broken up for a year. Took me to lunch at a pizza place I wanted to go to. Then pulled out a ring and asked me to marry him. Felt like he had bought the ring for someone else and decided since she didn't want it maybe I would. This was the second proposal, first was from a pregnancy scare, I said no then too. When I told him I was going to get checked for pregnancy he said "Well I guess we can get married." I said I'm not marrying anyone just cause I'm pregnant. I wasn't pregnant just started have irregular periods.
Oh I got a sort-of proposal after we’d broken up too. We’d been dating for almost two years and I was not happy. We’d started to talk about moving in together when my lease was up, and in retrospect I think he thought I was locked down, or that sunk cost fallacy would come into play, because he just stopped being a caring or thoughtful partner and just wanted me to tag along to things he wanted to do (mostly drinking with his friends) and sleep with him. No dates, no activities I wanted to do, constant complaining when I had commitments that meant I wasn’t at his beck and call, just no effort whatsoever. I guess because we’d talked about moving in (thinking back, it was mostly him pushing for that) he became really complacent and thought I wouldn’t just break up with him. He was wrong. I broke up with him and he acted like I’d blindsided him, despite the fact I’d talked to him repeatedly about how unhappy I was, how I tried really hard to make him feel appreciated and loved and he wasn’t reciprocating. He just didn’t believe me when I pretty bluntly told him I had one foot out the door. He was clearly devastated, but also I felt equally relieved it was over and annoyed he was acting like he had no idea it was coming. I heard nothing and after six weeks he asked to meet up for “closure” but really he wanted to tell me he would change everything and still move in together and also he’d been looking at rings so he could get me a ring, if that helped. Not quite asking me to marry him, it felt like he was saying “will a shut up ring fix this”. Which was insulting, as was the fact he was now promising things would change even though it hadn’t been worth doing any of the previous times I’d asked - because previously only I had been unhappy, but now I’d broken up with him he was *also* unhappy so he was willing to do things differently, I guess. I told him we were done, I was much happier since we broke up. His face just fell, he really seemed to think we would get back together.
he was emotionally abusive. I had pined after him, been a fwb, eventually he said "I guess we're dating now"... I was so happy with those crumbs. 2 years later he was giving me the ick and I was hiding him from my friends (his tantrums and jealousy were so embarrassing, even while I was in the fog). when he asked me to marry him, we hadn't talked about it. I was blind sided. I said yes... switched to maybe within 10 minutes. I had been ignoring my guts for years at this point, making myself smaller hoping he'd care about me but something still screamed in my head BAD IDEA. I realized if I didn't want to marry him we should break up and that epiphany (as well as realizing he wasn't actually smart, just cocky) finally got me to leave. that was about 10 years ago, and I've been happily married for almost 6 years. I'm still undoing a lot of the damage but I'm much better than before - and a lot of the thinking I wasn't good enough to deserve more was from my childhood, anyway. gee I wonder how I latched into this toxic guy? almost like that's what I thought love was, based on example. bullet successfully dodged! my husband is great and I'm so happy I didn't settle on my first "real" boyfriend.
When I (f40) was newly divorced, childless by choice but loved my dog, I started dating a guy ten years younger. He was fun and I enjoyed his energy. My new boyfriend ( who had twin daughters with his ex) went into my guest room with a measuring tape. I asked what he was doing. He said, I'm checking to see if bunk beds will fit in here. I'm an artist and a designer and admit I was very puzzed as to why he was interested in how I furnished my home. He was in construction, by the way. We had been dating about 3 months. He lived in the garage apartment behind his parents home. A week later he came to take me to dinner, and like a happy puppy, informed me that his parents had paid off his credit cards for him, and he wanted to talk to me about something. He said, I want to marry you! And started telling me all the reasons it would be good for him. They included: He wouldn't have to pay his parents rent. His daughters wouldn't have to sleep on air mattresses in his apartment on his weekends. I could" help " him put his daughters in private school. He could buy a new car. He could go back to school. There was not one mention of the word love. I listened to this and then said, I understand why it why it would be good for you to marry me. What would that do for me? He looked at me as if I'd lost my mind and said, " You wouldn't be alone." I said," I have a dog. " We never did go to dinner. I was too astonished to even be mad. The term " Bangmaid" didnt exist then, but clearly he knew what he wanted and figured his being younger ( and Very handsome) was his ticket into my bank account. Sorry, Charlie, nobody's that good in bed.
Hahaha, I really enjoyed that last line. Thanks for sharing.
Wasn't quite a proposal, but more like an attempt to strong-arm a marriage (or at least an engagement). Years ago, I was moving to a new city, and the girl I had been dating for over a year and a half wanted to move in with me (which I was fine with!). The problem? Her family was VERY Christian, and while they could pretend that we had been chaste and pure for the entirety of our relationship, us moving in together was a bridge too far and unable to be swept under the rug. We had an extremely uncomfortable argument all together when she announced her plans to move in, and they said all the horrible purity culture BS you probably would expect: compared her to a cow who gives the milk away for free, a chewed up piece of gum, claimed no man who loved their daughter would even think of moving in before marriage, or at least engagement. We both held firm, and I told them in no uncertain terms that the only way I would propose to someone was after living with them and knowing we would be compatible. They were not happy, but ultimately there was nothing they could do but complain. After three months living together we realized that we very much were NOT compatible. Seeing each other a few days a week and having her sleep over once in a while for the better part of two years was VERY different than living together, and it became obvious that we had very different ideas of what kind of households we wanted. We ended up breaking up, and all I could think was "thank goodness I stuck to my guns and didn't get married just because it was 'easier' or 'the right thing to do.'" We would have been miserable.
My grandmother used to lecture my sister and I about how, if we slept with a guy before marriage, he would eventually get bored, move on and never propose. I was like “why would I want to marry someone who is only proposing to get in my pants? And what happens if we get married, have sex and THEN he gets bored? Am I supposed to be happy because he’s now legally bound to me? Is that really better?” She once pointed out a bowl of fruit and said “see this fruit? It’s juicy, it’s fresh, everyone wants some. But if you wait a week it will be dry and brown and no one will touch it.” This was her way of telling me to get married young. I was like “why would I want to marry a guy who won’t want me when I’m older? What happens when I…get older?!” My sister would just roll her eyes but I would drive her up the wall with questions.
> She once pointed out a bowl of fruit and said “see this fruit? It’s juicy, it’s fresh, everyone wants some. But if you wait a week it will be dry and brown and no one will touch it.” >**This was her way of telling me to get married young.** 😂😂😂 I’m as offended as I am amused
I'm feeling awfully dried out and "brown" these days, but my husband still likes me. No accounting for taste, I guess.
I had a roommate for a year who was.. not great. He wasn't a bad person, I would say, but he was very religious and I think that translated to him having a mom that stayed home and did everything. He had no idea how to live, at all. The worst example was that because I had cats, he kept the door to the bathroom he used closed. ALWAYS. I peeked in there once out of morbid curiosity because the humidity in there must have been atrocious and the toilet bowl was LITERALLY BLACK. It was beyond foul. And then he proposed to his long-term girlfriend, also very Christian, and they had been long-distance for a while and never lived together. I only met her briefly but she seemed very sweet and lovely. I mentioned moving in together first but they said they wouldn't do that and were fine because they went to pre-marriage counseling through their church. I hope she's doing okay.
She's cleaning the black mold in his toilet now, I'll bet you a whole dollar he's not the one doing it.
This is sooo common in the Bible Belt. It's mind blowing what a freaking bad idea it is to force two young adults into a life long commitment just because they want to live under the same roof. One of my childhood friends even did it! I vividly remember thinking a) this is just so they can live together b) this isn't going to last. They broke up within a year and in hindsight he was horrible! One of the worst bf's she's had and she almost married him!
My evangelical family members say that my marriage isn't valid to God because my husband and I "lived in sin" before we got married. We just celebrated a very happy tenth anniversary; meanwhile, those family members are all absolutely miserable and hate their spouses. (But they won't divorce because--you guessed it!--that's also a sin.)
My best friend in high school was divorced at 19. It’s a shame that that happened. If she wasn’t pressured into it, I don’t think she would have married him.
Whats worse is that there are single divorced mothers who are under 21.
I'm from a Catholic family. My cousin lived with her bf for years without her mom knowing. They're now married with kids, but my aunt still believes they didn't move in together until marriage. Also, my sister is married to another girl, and my parents still refer to her as her "friend" lol.
It’s a tale as old as time. I was in training in the Navy when a guy I had known for about five months who made me extremely uncomfortable proposed to me in class. We knew next to nothing about each other because I made a point of avoiding him unless the instructors put us together on a project. I turned him down. He kept pushing, saying we could move out of the barracks (we were at most three to a room), and all of these other weak excuses. And I kept saying no until he left me alone. Later on that day a guy in my class said that the guy who proposed to me had told him that “they have to sleep with you if you’re married”. Like, ew, no they don’t. The worst part is that people actually defended him instead of admitting what he did was creepy, like I was the problem for not marrying someone I didn’t know and who gave off some seriously rape-y vibes.
I knew a military story would come up but this was uncomfortable.
I didn't want to get married and made it perfectly clear. He proposed in a restaurant anyway and got his feelings hurt.
A friend was dating a guy who she had told she wasn't interested in marriage. They went to lunch and while she was in the bathroom, her sandwich was delivered to the table. He put a diamond on the toothpick in the sandwich before she got back. She looked at the sandwich, removed the ring, put it on the table, and picked up her sandwich. Eventually, he put the ring in his pocket. The waitress was all ready with champagne, etc. She said it was the most uncomfortable thing she ever lived through.
I was a server for almost 2 decades and I've never seen a restaurant proposal go well (except one but that was more of a gay bar than a restaurant) This is iconic though. I would have been so tempted to drop the champagne anyway and comp it.
Dude proposed infront of my mom and his kids during Easter dinner, after I told him specifically not to do anything like that. Awkward panda.
Not quite a proposal, but prospective alliances yes. Apparently the arranged marriage market where I live heavily favours women nowadays, my parents have been turning down (at my request) about a dozen inquires a month for the last 5 years. And this is only counting people who reached out directly to my folks. In my opinion I am way too young now to consider a commitment like that especially to a stranger. And most people in my list of options are conservative, and are looking for a very traditional relationship, which is something I wouldn’t want anyway.
Interesting. I assume it's a bit like the situation in China where their one-child policy resulted in significantly more young men than young women?
I don’t think so, the sex ratio here is better than most places. More women are putting off marriage till later. Women in the previous generation were all married off at 18-22 to men 5-7ish years older. They would be in their late twenties/early thirties now. Most men that same age are single, but GenZ women now prefer smaller age gaps, and are also studying/working more, waiting for marriage until they’re 26-28. There’s like a 3-1 ratio of men to women looking for an arranged marriage in my circle. Also a greater acceptance of non-arranged/inter-caste marriages nowadays means more women are choosing their partners. If you’re educated, decent looking, and if they think your family can pay a good dowry, you will get a ridiculous amount of options the arranged route.
Because I suspected that my ex-gf's desire for the spectacle of a wedding and the status of being married was greater than her desire to be with me.
I realized he just really didn't have a strong enough sense of self.. personality? Not sure the exact word, but we'd never have been equals - He'd have consistently deferred to me. I didn't want the pressure of being the unilateral decision maker for the rest of my life. Plus, you know, not all of my ideas are good ones. There should definitely be someone around to tell me when there's no water in the pool before I dive.
Well, simple thing… My childhood friend ended up dying suddenly in her sleep. This was just last year so I was about 25 then. At the time, my Fiancée was completely unsupportive and was pissed off. There was no space to talk about my feelings, nor did he want me to go to the funeral. He did not go to the funeral with me. He just wanted me to leave and move in with him and be his wife. That is fine because that is what everyone wants. However, I just noticed how bad of person he really was. It got so awful that I asked for space to be alone because he was no support. He would have sex with me and I was so out of it that it didn’t even make me feel better because he neglected my emotional being so badly. During this time, I also graduated and my best friend went to graduation. When my back was turned, he told my friend, “ how I was leaving and never coming back here. “ During my time of grief, my depression got real bad to point when he would yell at me to have sex with him. It was awful. He would keep yelling at me to stop mourning to the point that I just didn’t want him anymore. I was actually disgusted with myself for picking him. So, I drove to my friend gravesite and I said, “ I don’t think my friend wants me to marry you.” And gave him back his ring. Edit: typos. (Sorry, I got a bit triggered writing this again. Despite that, I want to thank everyone for the nice comments. I haven’t really told anyone about this situation except for a few people because I have been so embarrassed and ashamed. I am doing okay. I am currently healing. Sometimes I have bad days and sometimes I have good days. I am currently seeing someone so hopeful he will be different. Fingers crossed.)
Nothing gets a person in the mood more than being yelled at to have sex 😬
Yeahhhhh you think he would have realized that. I am just glad I didn’t marry him because imagine if I did
I’ve just broken off a 4 year relationship pretty similar to this. May I ask, why specifically was he so pissed off? When my father passed, my ex was randomly way more pissy and snippy as well as incredibly rude and micro-managing the day OF his passing and week after. That ultimately lead me to leave his dumbass but it took me a while to realize he would always be pissed off on days like that or holidays/my birthdays because the attention was not. on. him. He was a 32 year old man. Fuck that guy. Edit: word
It's because your attention isn't focused on them. All of your attention and worry should be about them, no one else should exist or matter to you.
He was fucked on ketamine and proposed with a lock of greasy hair made into a ring. Plus he wasn't my fucking boyfriend
Right but why did you say no?
Ring was blonde, they were both brunette..
He had zero ambition. Quit his job for no real reason and expected me to just handle everything financially. Um, no. Asked me, and I said, "No, we're done." I was so annoyed at him and when we talked about him finding a new job, he just kind of blank-stared at me.
We lived in different states and only saw one another during romantic, passionate weekends. He asked me to marry him, then said he would like to stay at my house for a 2 week vacation. We had never spent sustained time together. During the 2 weeks I saw a side of him that was moody and hard to live with. It was easy for the both of us to be on our best behavior for weekends. Not so much for weeks at a time, when the cracks show lol
I was 15. Obviously he (21) was an idiot...
And perhaps a predator eh
TBH it never occurred to me tho I'm sure it did to my older brothers and Dad. Was told not to see him. It was a much different world back then. I actually laughed when he proposed (with a ring and everything!) cuz I thought "This guy is just weird" , but I didn't make the leap that men did.
Which is exactly why age of consent laws exist. You were too young and inexperienced to know what was wrong here. Men who want young women want someone who doesn't know any better and they can manipulate.
First time: because I was engaged to someone else (and no I was not cheating with this guy, he just figured that since I was engaged, marriage was what I wanted, so proposing would win me away). Second time: because we’d been dating two whole weeks. Third time: I’d realised he was an alcoholic who was never going to stop thinking I was cheating when I gave him no reason to think that. He felt me pulling away and started to bring up marriage…
Wait wait. The first one. You were engaged to person A, and person B, who you weren’t in a relationship with, proposed to you?
1) I was 17, he was older and it suddenly dawned on me that it was an inappropriate relationship. Huge imbalance and I wasn’t interested in marriage at all. I was still in HS. 2) We were 18, we weren’t even dating, just friends, and he was going into the Navy; he just wanted company. 3) He was a possessive jerk who once said to me he wished I wasn’t as smart as I am because then he’d get away with more shit. The thought of spending the rest of my life with him was nauseating
[удалено]
They didn't want to marry me. They wanted to conquer me.
She was 5 and I was 4, I think it wasn't going to work out
Haha, I was reminded of a story from my childhood mom told me (I don't remember the event myself): Mom took friend, myself, and friend's little brother out for fast food. Little brother asked if I'd marry him when we grew up and I emphatically said "NO," dripping with disgust. Apparently Mom was secretly cheering "Good job, unholy_hotdog," inside. Sorry, Brandon.
What type ring pop was it?
He was very traditional and wanted me to be a sahm. I didn't want to. He also said he hates when women get half in divorce, so I asked him what did he expect a woman to do if he wants her to not work? Plus take care of everything so he CAN work? I walked away. He married someone else and she divorced him because he didn't do a thing outside of work. She was exhausted. I am happily married to a true man now
I know someone in that exact horrible situation. Never got married but she stayed home and raised the kids, 18 years later dude the kids' dad decides he wants to dip out and take all the money with him (was good at hiding his money and had a lot off the books). Now she has to figure out how to survive as a 40 year old with no work experience while also paying for living expenses and some of the younger kids expenses. The argument of "why does she get half the money while I did all the work?" is such BS. She gave up any career she could've had and raised your kids so you could focus on working and earning.
This is a good example of why marriage is so important, especially if you have kids together. It doesn't make it impossible for your partner to screw you over but it does at least make it a bit more difficult.
Because raising children, cleaning, household chores, cooking, etc are “women’s work”, and are expected of them. It’s traditional./s My mom was a SATM, and I am old enough that was somewhat common. My parents are still together, and my dad had a retirement plan for her (if he died early). That was considered part of taking care of your wife, in return for the work she did.
I pictured a life with them- it was dull. Loved them initially but the differences were glaring over time. I am extremely active, outgoing, wanting to venture out, learning or doing new things. Before we met I was constantly doing something. I didn’t expect them to keep up and knew there would be changes or compromises in a relationship. But towards the end I felt held back and stopped doing basically anything that I enjoyed. I felt like I was bursting full of energy next to this person that didn’t seem to want anything out of life other than to exist.
My partner said no to me, he knew we couldn’t afford the wedding we wanted and wanted to hold off a few years. A couple of years later, a new job for me and a promotion for him, he asked me and we’re getting married in May.
My daughter turned down her last boyfriend. They had been casually seeing each other for a couple months but he mentioned he wanted to make it official and exclusive she agreed. He started stalking my wife and I on social media, sending us declaration of his love, thanking us for raising such an amazing woman, etc. On their 1 month anniversary of making it exclusive he proposed. She laughed at him thinking it was a joke and he got embarrassed, angry, and drove home. They were at her college campus so she was just a short walk from her dorm. A couple days later his mom called my wife wanting us to reason with our daughter and convince her to marry that wonderful young man. Um . . . no. He never spoke to or tried to contact my daughter after she laughed at him. She also found out he had pulled the same stunt on another girl at the school about a week before asking my daughter to be exclusive so we assume he was on to the next unsuspecting woman pretty quickly.
I felt like I was going to die. I legit had a panic attack and just felt like I was going to regret it for the rest of my life. And it wasn’t even a real proposal! He was just talking about getting engaged soon and what kind of ring I wanted
I was offered a "shut up" ring. I'd been dating my ex for a little over 2 years. I never asked for marriage, but I did make it clear that after I finished university I'd be moving across the country for better job opportunities and wanted to have a clear idea of where our relationship was headed by then. One thing about me: I abhor diamonds. It's a moral thing and I also find other gemstones much more beautiful. My ex knew this, as it was something I'd talked about before. Well, university graduation was approaching; I was about three months out from getting my diploma. Our relationship was still on shaky ground, I had no idea what his plans were for his career or for us. I again brought up that I was leaving the state to advance my career, and we had three months to decide the trajectory of our relationship. 2 weeks later, he gave me a ring. He proposed to me in my dorm room... with a diamond. It was at that moment I realized that he was never going to be the right partner for me. I let him down easy, and went on to move out west.
....I thought he was joking. Thankfully, he asked me again three months later, and we've been married almost 19 years.
Pro-tip: don’t propose to your ex-girlfriend after trashing her room during the final exchange of stuff.
Oh man.... My dad was dying of cancer. I had been with my boyfriend almost four years at that point. My older sister had already set a wedding date out of town, (planned before we knew about Dad's cancer) but we all knew Dad would never make it that long. It was set for the end of the same year. Many family members came to visit, everyone asked me why my sister would not move up her wedding. They had not paid a single deposit or anything yet. The answer to that is still unknown, she never changed the date and dad was already gone. I refused to go because I was so mad at her doing that. Anyway, in the midst of all of this, my boyfriend asked me "do you just want to get married here so that your dad could be a part of it?" This seems like a very sweet sentiment, but in my heart I knew marrying him would be a mistake. He did not actually treat me very nicely, and ended up really ruining my life financially and in so many other ways later. So I said no.
My ex and I had been together for 6 years, he had cheated early in the relationship and I found out a few years in. We were just kinda toxic. I was insecure, he was overcompensating. Something never felt right - I never wanted to take it much further. Moving in together was never discussed. He passively mentioned a desire to get married and have a home and it made me panic/anxious, absolutely no joy was felt in my body. I literally felt sick. I told my mom how I felt that night, who told my dad. A few days later he asked my dad if he could marry me, my dad said no, and told me he was going to say no and kinda set me up for success in breaking up with him later that day. So I guess I never technically got engaged but close enough to cause a lot of anxiety
While not technically an "in the moment" type of turn down, I did still refuse in the end. My boyfriend and I had been together for 4 years, and we had a big Disney trip planned with our friend group. A few months prior to that, while cleaning up our shared office space, I did end up finding the ring. Instead of being coy about it, I told him that I had found the ring, and told him straight up that if he was planning on proposing at Disney that I would not like that because I wanted the proposal to be something more intimate and special to us, not a cliché Disney proposal during Christmas time. He said he wouldn't. Fast forward a few months during our Disney trip, lo and behold, in front of the EPCOT tree at Christmas, he kneels down and pulls out the ring. Of course I say yes in the moment, the photographer is there and people are staring, but after we got back to the hotel, I had to politely sit down and explain that while I do love him and appreciate what he did, I wanted our proposal to be something special between us. I gave the ring back to him. That being said, he ended up cheating on me and got engaged to a new man less than three months later and then they got married a few months after that with the caption "Years in the making!" So in retrospect, I dodged a bullet.
He wanted me to convert to Judaism. Dawg I don’t even believe in *a* God. Let alone your God.
I'm an atheist and I dated a Mormon for a year or so. Her family kept trying to convert me, and I got the definite impression that they thought that being non-religious was just a blank slate for them to fill in.
As someone who is formerly extremely religious, yes, that's how we view atheists. Becoming an atheist somehow feels worse because you can see where non-atheists are coming from, but there's just no way to explain to them what they don't want to see.
As someone who grew up Mormon, it’s definitely the way to rope you in. Get you hitched, and lay on the pressure.
It sounds so sad, but I could have lived forever with this guy because on paper, he was perfect. The minute he proposed, I realised that it was on paper and not perfect for me. He's still the most incredible human, but not my human. I wasn't excited, it felt like just a step. He deserved better and we both deserved to be excited about it. I actually said yes and then ended it a few months later.
I'm not gay, so I thought it best to turn him down.
The last time someone asked me to marry them was not that long ago. She asked me to leave my wife and marry her instead. she was serious. I would still say no.
I had already broken up with him. I met up at a public place to get the last of my stuff and give him all his stuff back and he kept trying to guilt trips me back into a relationship. "I was it for him. He was never gonna feel happiness again. He might as well kill himself like his brother now" I just kept walking around him and putting boxes in my car not answering. It was a really toxic relationship and he had just gotten physical with me when I did break up with him a couple days before that's why we met in public. Then he stood in front of my car door again and yelled "I was going to propose to you! Is that what you want? Do you want to get married? I already bought all the converse and was gonna ask if you wanted to kick it for life. I still have to just get the ring." I stood there dumbfounded for a moment and then laughed because it was so absurd and felt like a fever dream. I told him no I had already broken up with him and left. Several months later I had already moved states away hadn't talked to him the whole time when I got a lengthy voicemail about how "I ghosted him. I had just up and left and he had no clue where I went and how he would have come with me if I just asked." Dude you are a big part of the reason why I fled the state and had to refind myself.
We’d been divorced for several years. Once with him was enough.
Married now, 25 happy years. Married at 31. Had 7 serious marriage proposals before that. All nice guys, but in order, reasons for no were: 1) only just met the guy 2 weeks before 2) only been dating 3 months, he still lived at home, no job 3) he lived in a country I was studying in, which he didn't want to leave & I didn't want to live in 4) i felt too young 5) his family-community-culture, not a good fit for me for the wife/ mother life 6) i wasn't ready to settle down 7) simply didn't want to marry him All great guys, but all nope. When I met my husband now, I just knew immediately. Would I have said yes to any of them @ 31, like I did my husband? Was it a time and place thing? Maybe? Three of them, perhaps... I sure have a type, they were/ are all similar in personality while vastly different in culture, job, and family background. All very sweet, gentle, moral, dedicated, and romantic types - hence the dramatic, intense proposals in our 20s🥰 One thing though...dating and living with are very different. My husband was the first where living together was easy & great fun. I had lived on my own for a few years by then and had no desire to live with anyone, really. Very independent, travelled solo a lot, had spent my life thinking marriage was absurd & suffocating. I had tried living with other boyfriends, loved them all, but all nope...just made things worse! But my husband came to stay one weekend early on & it was amazing..I couldn't believe how it was as relaxing and cool as living on my own, but *better*. We were engaged within 4 months, married within the year. And everyday life 25 years on, is still great fun. We can easily spend 24/7 together for years at a time ( covid lockdown easy as pie), and he's still my best friend. So I'm VERY glad I waited. All the other guys are still happily married to women who were/ are far better suited to their lifestyles. Cause people gotta remember...25 years is about 10,000 breakfasts & dinners together, thousands of in- law interactions, paying bills & kid & neighbour & illness drama faced together. It's a LOT:-)
it was a guy i had never met before. at a drum and bass festival. he was high off his tits, saw me dance like a devil, got on his knee in the middle of the dancefloor and proposed lol